Erwin doesn 't make a habit of licentious behaviour. Smoking, drinking, sex; they tend to be distractions at best, harmful at worst. He remembers the village drunk, a man with thick greasy hair who used to chase young girls down alleys, and he remembers his uncle, who spent half his weekly wage from the farm on cigarettes from the Interior and died at forty of a choking cough that wouldn 't quit. Sex? Well, he 's not a woman, but sex has other problems. You lay down with someone too often ' things get blurred. You start thinking of them more than you should, maybe. The smell of their skin, the feel of their hair, the things they can do for you. Worse: what you can do for them. That 's when things start to get especially '

Distracting.

'Erwin, ' Mike prompts. 'It was your go. '

'Mmm? ' He takes a lazy drag on the cigarette, frowns at his cards. 'Right. ' He stares at his deck: the aim is to get rid of your cards, cheating is allowed if you don 't get caught. 'Two aces, ' he lies, putting down a jack and an ace.

'Cheat, ' Hange interrupts. 'Obviously ' that was a weak play, are you even paying attention? '

'Not particularly, ' Erwin admits, and regrets admitting it. He takes a sip of his scotch, a cheap thing he picked up in Mitras last time he went begging with the commander. He could afford better but wasting money on alcohol has never been his style. 'I 'm thinking about the new recruit. Levi. '

He sees Mike and Hange share a look over their cards and pretends not to notice. So they 've discussed it. Or him. 'He 's an interesting guy, ' Hange says, generously.

'He 's a feral, ' Mike adds. 'That time, in the training yard? He would have beat you to a pulp if we 'd let him. '

Erwin feels his lips press together. 'Maybe, ' he agrees, 'I was asking for it, don 't you think? '

Mike looks him, half-puzzled. Erwin gets the sense that he doesn 't understand why Erwin does the things he does ' that 's okay. It 's probably better that way. 'Why would you do that if you know he 's a lunatic? ' He asks, honestly. 'What do you see in him? '

Erwin shrugs a shoulder. 'Ask Hange, ' he says casually, taking another drag. He balances the cigarette between his lips, lays his cards flat on the table. 'Are we still playing? ' He asks around it.

Hange looks guilty. They always look guilty, though, like you 've got them in a secret. 'He 's pretty astounding, Mike, even you have to admit. ' A beat; 'Unless, of course, you 're jealous ' '

Mike 's shoulders tighten. 'I 'm not jealous, ' he snaps, throwing down his cards, 'it 's not about skill. The kid can be as skilled as he wants, it doesn 't mean anything if he can 't direct it in the right way. '

Erwin thinks about the past few weeks and all the ways he 's had Levi direct his skill his way. He clears his throat, tries to push the thoughts from his head, but he 's all cloudy with the drink. 'He 's not a kid, by the way. He 's at least twenty-something. Just got a ' young face. '

'And a young frame, huh? ' Mike adds snidely. 'He 's built like fresh meat. '

Well, that 's not true ' Erwin has seen every inch of Levi, head to toe, and knows he has the body of a man. More than that ' a hardened one, all lean muscle and scars and callouses. 'I think that works in his advantage though, ' Hange says, because they 've clearly thought about it. 'Low centre of gravity ' no one else can do what he does because they don 't have the build. The males are too tall, the females not as strong ' '

Mike looks at them incredulously. 'We 're really all just experiments to you, huh? '

'It 's just an

observation,

' they mutter. 'Obviously there are exceptions. '

Erwin rubs at his nose with his thumb, sniffs. 'Yeah, ' he agrees, 'yeah, that must have something to do with it. Not all of it but ' some of it. ' He frowns. 'Maybe there 's something to it ' you think we should start a recruitment drive for smaller males? '

Hange shrugs. 'I think it 's better to keep a mix. Let the girls be quicker on the feet, the boys come in with heavy hitters. No need to complicate it ' ODM is pretty much the only thing we do consistently well. Besides, ' they add, pointedly, 'I don 't think what little-Levi has is something that can be taught, or grown, that much is clear. '

'Yes it is, ' Erwin agrees, appreciatively. Hange has a sharper view of these things than most; they seem to understand, instinctively, why Levi is such a unique case.

'Well I 'm glad you two agree, ' Mike says, downing the rest of his drink with a bitter face, 'but I maintain he 's a flight-risk. Worse than that ' he 's going to get someone killed. Doesn 't listen to orders. Even if he did ' he wants you dead, Erwin, you realise that don 't you? '

Erwin is thinking about the line of Levi 's brows and how they bend upwards when he wants to come. Only his extremities blush; the tips of his ears, his nose, his '

'What? ' Erwin frowns, lost in thought.

'He 's going to kill you, ' Mike enunciates. 'He wants you dead. '

'No, no, ' Erwin disagrees, shaking his head. He drags and exhales smoke. 'I think we 're past that now, ' he tells them, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. 'He 's had plenty of chances. '

Mike looks exasperated. Hange looks unbothered. 'Well he 's got a point, ' they point out. 'How many months has it been now? It 's not like the guy lacks skill, if he

really

wanted Erwin dead ' '

He would have killed me while he had me on my back,

Erwin thinks mildly. Or while my head was between his thighs, while I sleep, while I finish with my eyes shut, etc. Besides, their weekly meetings are not a secret, even if as far as the others are concerned, Levi is just dusting his books.

'I don 't think you understand, ' Mike presses, the booze making him bold, 'kid 's not going to forgive you, not ever. Doesn 't matter if he 's complacent now ' fuck it, I would be, if you gave me a warm bed, fed me three meals a day for the first time in my life, and paid me a wage to do something I find easy. As far as he 's concerned, you killed his friends, Erwin. He 'll never forget. You shouldn 't, either. '

His friends. Yes. The sweet red-head, the tall, handsome man. Both had had potential. 'I liked Isabel, ' Hange says, softly. 'She liked the horses. '

'Yeah, ' Mike agrees, 'she did. And Furlan wasn 't a bad guy, either. Both dead, now. And that

rat

is the one that survived. ' He drives his finger into the table-top. 'Don 't you forget it, ' he presses, 'it 's people like him that

always

survive, somehow. Mark my fucking words, the pair of you. Scum rises. '

'Why is he scum? ' Erwin asks, quietly. He starts collecting the cards into the palms of his hands.

'Why? ' Mike seems taken aback. 'Because ' he 's a criminal. You 've heard his rapsheet, guy 's a murderer. '

Erwin snorts, lightly, and without humor. 'What, a couple of pimps, thugs, and the son of a minor lord? Sounded like he didn 't have any business scuttling about the underground anyway. What 's a noble like that doing down there? '

'Doesn 't mean they deserved to die, ' Mike tells him, stoutly.

'No, ' Erwin agrees, shuffling the cards deftly between two hands, 'doesn 't mean they didn 't, either. It 's a weird rapsheet, don 't you think? An indiscriminate killer kills ' indiscriminately. ' He raises his brows. 'They don 't target wrong-doers, steal their money, and redistribute it to people who need medical care. '

'Oh, you think he 's a hero? ' Mike scoffs.

'None of us are heroes. But he 's not an animal. And we can 't help where we 're born, ' Erwin says pointedly, and Mike has the humanity to look ashamed. He comes from a small village in the mountains ' hick country, mostly hunters that live off the land. People had mocked him too, once. Made fun of his accent, his clothes, his remarkable gift of being able to sniff out lies. Among other things.

'Anyway, ' Erwin continues. He places the deck flat, neatly, on the table. 'It concerns me that he 's not making friends. Trust in comrades is the foundation of what we do. If he can 't do it ' then you might have a point, Mike. '

'How do you make someone like him trust people like us? He used to kill us for sport, ' Mike mutters.

'That 's a rumor, ' Hange interjects, 'we actually we don 't know that. I heard he exclusively killed military police ' '

'No, that 's the serial killer, idiot, ' Mike talks over them. 'You 're getting him confused with Kenny the Ripper ' '

Hange rolls their eyes. 'Kenny isn 't real, thicko. That 's a story they tell incoming recruits to scare them out of joining the MPs, it 's just hazing ' '

'I think, ' Erwin interrupts, 'we could start by making more of an effort, don 't you agree, Mike? And maybe not poking at him like an experiment, Hange. '

'He 's not a child. We don 't need to take him under our wing, ' Mike says.

Erwin sighs. 'No, ' he agrees, 'but if you 're more patient, he won 't be as ' irritable. ' Levi had in fact used some choice words to describe Mike at their last meeting ' Erwin won 't think to repeat them, but despite his lack of formal education, the man really does have a unique grasp of language. 'It 's not an order, ' he continues, 'just think of it as a favour. To me. '

He stands to show them he considers the matter closed. 'Thanks for the cigarettes, ' he tells Hange, 'you can keep the rest of the scotch. '

He thinks maybe the drink has gone to his head more than he thought it would. His legs feel disjointed as he walks across the quad, stuffing his hands in his pockets. It 's a cold night, the first of many that prove they 're tipping into winter. Another year, then. He squints at the darkness; there 's a lamp burning somewhere near the west building ' near the stables. Erwin curses under his breath. People should know better than to light flames near hay, and more than that, to bother the horses at night.

'You there, ' he calls, coat wrapped around his shoulders, 'it 's not clever to leave a burning lamp around hay, you know. You 're going to get yourself killed and take the animals with you ' Levi, ' he frowns.

Levi grants him only a short, uninterested look over his shoulder. He 's stroking the nose of a bay mare, the same one he 'd ridden out on his first expedition a few months ago. 'I 'm sorry, ' he says, unapologetically, 'I didn 't realise visiting the stables wasn 't allowed after dark. '

Erwin frowns. 'Well ' it 's not banned, really. You should just be careful with the lamps. It 's easy to make mistakes. '

'For other people, maybe, ' Levi says. He 's not boasting: he means it. He continues to stroke the horse 's nose, quietly.

'I thought the stable would be too dirty for you, ' Erwin ventures.

Levi looks at him, irritated. 'They 're horses. They don 't know any better. ' He turns back to the animal. 'What 's your excuse? ' He mutters under his breath.

'Aren 't you cold? ' Erwin tries. Levi is only wearing his boots, haphazardly laced, thin sleep pants, and a dark shirt.

'No, ' Levi says, and does not offer explanation.

Erwin clears his throat. 'Would you, ' he tries, 'like to come to bed? '

Levi raises a brow at him with that patented, bored disgust, as if Erwin asking so plainly for something they have been doing wordlessly for weeks is distasteful. 'You 've been drinking, ' he says.

'Is that a problem? '

'I don 't like people who drink, ' he replies.

Erwin rubs at his brow with his thumb. 'Well alright then, ' he says, dozily. 'I don 't suppose you 've considered maybe ' making some friends, have you? Other than the horses, I mean. '

Levi doesn 't really seem to react except to stroke the horse 's mane instead. 'I don 't have anything to say, ' he tells Erwin, quietly.

'You have plenty to say, ' Erwin scoffs, 'you ' you have a lot to say, to me. When ' you 're angry with me, ' he frowns. 'Maybe not so much ' at other times. But I bet you could if you tried. '

The look Levi gives him is withering. 'We don 't have anything in common. I didn 't go through training, so my bunkmates think I 'm a cheat. The recruits are scared of me. Even if they liked me, it wouldn 't matter: I don 't have anything to say. '

'People aren 't complicated, Levi. Just ask them about their homes, their families, the sweetheart they have in town they pretend no one has noticed them sneak out to visit ' '

'And when they die? ' Levi asks him. 'Next time, or the time after that. Should I pull the same routine with the willing idiot that takes their place? '

'Yes, ' Erwin tells him, bluntly. 'That 's what humans do. We 're social animals. '

Levi 's nose wrinkles. 'We 're not animals, ' he mutters.

'We are, actually. ' Erwin steps forward. 'Have you heard about evolution? '

'Ach, Erwin, ' Levi starts, and it 's the first raise in the inflection of his voice he 's managed to win from him this evening, 'enough with the lessons. '

'Well okay, ' Erwin shrugs, 'but even we get to learn about it. You ever seen a drawing of a monkey? '

Levi rolls his eyes. 'I know what a fucking monkey looks like, Erwin, I 'm not stupid. We do have books underground. '

'Well, humans evolved from that. Don 't ask me how, exactly, ' Erwin frowns, 'my father could have explained it. Something about ' selection, and survival. I don 't know. But ' I 'm sorry, I was making a point with this. '

'Social animals, ' Levi seems to prompt despite himself.

'Right. ' Erwin leans back against the stable, folds his arms. 'We like to live in groups and share things. Ideas, food, friendship. Most of the time we do it for the sake of it, not for any reason. So bluntly, Levi, it doesn 't matter if your friends die. You 're a human. You 'll make new ones. '

Levi turns to look at him, slowly. There 's a sneer on his face, tinged with horror. 'Is that how you view the world, Erwin? You 're deranged. '

Erwin frowns. 'I don 't mean ' that 's not to say that our friends don 't matter. Our relationships. Of course they do. It 's just ' can 't you see that losing people is a condition of living? '

'A mother, a father. At worst, a child. Few people lose more than that in their life, Erwin, ' Levi snaps at him, 'you 're right, we 're social animals, fine. We 're not made to lose ' and lose, and lose, and lose, again and again. Just ' leave me with the horses, ' he mutters. 'At least they don 't talk back. '

Erwin feels sad, looking at him. It 's sad to see anyone alone, or lonely. He doesn 't like that he feels partially responsible ' he ripped Levi from the world he came from and put him here, with new rules and faces he doesn 't recognise. He remembers what Hange had said, earlier.

'Your friend, ' he says softly, 'Isabel. She liked the horses, didn 't she? '

Levi does not look at him. He does not stop stroking the horse 's mane. 'Take her name out of your mouth before I rip out your tongue, ' he says, quietly.

Erwin thinks perhaps Levi is right. Maybe he is deranged. He understands the loss ' he understands the mourning. He can 't understand why Levi is

still

mourning. His friends are dead. They 're not coming back. It seems so rational to Erwin that people only have a finite amount of time to spend mulling over the deaths of loved ones. He 's human, too. He sobbed when his father died. But once he was dead, he was gone. All Erwin had left to do was avenge him, or complete his dream. He will do both.

'Did they have dreams, Levi? ' Erwin asks him.

Levi frowns at him. 'Dreams? '

'Goals. Things they wanted to achieve. '

Levi seems to sink. He usually appears taller than he is ' the broad muscles, lean back, gives the appearance of a larger man. But right now, he seems so small; his shoulders curled up to his neck, resting his brow against the horse 's forelock. 'We wanted to live above the ground, ' he tells him. 'We were going to have our own house. There would be windows. We 'd have meat at least twice a week, and a piece of fruit every day. '

'Is that it? ' Erwin asks. He means it gently, as if to say,

is that what they dreamed?

Levi glares at him. 'It may not seem like much to someone like you, ' he says fiercely, misunderstanding, 'but to us it was everything. '

Erwin nods. 'I know, ' he says, 'it 's a good dream. You should live it, for them. '

Levi turns back to his horse, scowling. 'It 's not worth living it without them, ' he says, bitterly, 'I only dreamed it for them. '

So Levi is not someone motivated by self-interest, then. Erwin had suspected as much. 'Well, that 's lucky for you then, ' he says briskly, 'because you 're in the very place filled with people who live for other 's dreams. Stop ' drifting around, ' Erwin tells him, incensed, 'like a ghost. You 're still alive. You 're still young. Dream something else, for someone else. '

He expects Levi to snarl at him. Instead, he shuts his eyes. 'Yeah, ' he agrees, shortly. 'Maybe. '

Erwin stands. 'Will you come to bed? ' He asks again. 'The others are drinking, no one will notice. '

'No. Not tonight. '

Erwin nods. 'Very well, ' he says, 'don 't stay out here all night, will you? I don 't want to find you frozen to the bone tomorrow morning. And watch that lamp, ' he warns.

'Sure, Captain. ' Only Levi uses his title that way ' dismissive, uncaring. Only Levi dares to treat him like that, the same way he treats everyone else. 'Sleep well. '

'You too. ' He briefly squeezes his shoulder. 'Yes, ' he says again, 'yes, sleep well, Levi. '

Later, he watches Levi 's glowing lamp from behind the curtains of his office. It stays lit, until at some point in the early hours of the morning, when it drifts across the quad. Slowly, lonely, bright.