Levi marks the Captain 's scars.

Erwin,

he should think. Normal people call their lovers by the first name. Normal people love their lovers.

He has one arm thrown lazily behind his head, studying Levi from under lowered eyes. If he finds it strange that his subordinate wants to pin him to the bed to count bruises then he doesn 't mention it. Levi gets it 's just one more of his little oddities the Captain enjoys ' like an interesting ornament, a child to be indulged, or maybe a favoured pet.

'This one, ' Levi asks him, wheedling his finger into a silvery line that stretches from beneath his armpit to his collarbone.

The Captain is amused. 'An accident in the corps. Training gone awry. '

'Could have lost the arm, ' Levi notes.

'I was lucky, ' the Captain agrees.

'This? ' Levi continues, tracing his fingers along a collection of short, jagged, white flecks at the place shoulder joins throat.

'Bar fight. '

'Tch, ' Levi rolls his eyes, 'you 've never been in a bar fight. '

He thinks the Captain might be watching him fondly, but it 's just as likely amusement. Levi is his new toy. He thinks, this Captain is the kind of person to have many toys ' he can see it in his body, the strength of his arms, the way his muscles fill his skin. He has never had a stomach go concave with hunger. He would have been raised loved.

'If you say so, ' he smiles. 'You 're the expert. '

It doesn 't annoy him that the Captain says that, no. He doesn 't need the man to think well of him, just to fuck him hard, and keep the brass off his back. 'I don 't make a habit of it, actually. '

'Oh? '

'I don 't do bars. ' Levi wrinkles his nose. 'They 're fucking filthy and filled with degenerates. '

The Captain 's eyebrows raise, he inclines his head a little. 'Well there you go, ' he says, 'now I 'm learning a little more about you. '

Levi regards him coolly. He jerks forward, suddenly, bracing his hands on either side of the Captain 's head; he pins his hand. It 's gratifying to see him flinch and be reminded that he still has that power. 'And this one? ' He asks, mockingly, digging his thumb into the Captain 's palm.

The Captain 's eyes are calm. 'I gripped the sword of a street thug from the underground. '

'Is there a double-meaning to that? ' Levi sneers.

'A euphemism, ' the Captain corrects him, 'and there is, if you want there to be. '

Levi feels his lips twitch despite himself. The Captain is quiet but goading in his silence ' undisturbed by Levi leaning over him like a thief in the night, and by the memory of his blade in his hand. He finds the Captain 's lips; they taste the same as they did the last time they kissed, not one hour ago.

'Levi, ' the Captain sighs. He takes back his hands, and Levi lets him, lets him wrap them around his hips, nails in his back. 'Again? ' He murmurs into his skin, moving from his mouth to kiss a neat line from his jaw to his shoulder. Even in the midst of passion, he 's so fucking orderly.

'Well I 'm not an old man, ' Levi says snidely, his cock hard between them. He lets the Captain hear him gasp when his mouth finds his nipple, tells himself it 's for show, back arched, his hands wrapping in the Captain 's soft blonde hair. It would be easy to break his neck, he thinks, and then ' his hair is so soft, how does he get it so soft '

'I suppose I am old, by your standards, ' the Captain snipes back, nose pressed to his sternum, 'they don 't live long underground. I 'm practically ' elderly, if that 's anything to go ' '

The Captain has stopped talking, head tipped back and lips slipped open, brows knitting together in a silent rapture as Levi rubs his palm against his softened cock, still sensitive, red flushed. It 's pretty, he 'll admit; every part of the Captain is pretty.

A hand on his wrist; 'Don 't, ' the Captain tells him.

Levi raises a brow. 'Don 't? '

'Not me, ' he continues, pulling Levi 's hand back to his shoulder, 'you stay right there, thug. I haven 't finished getting my answers out of you. '

'Oh, ' Levi smirks, and then, '

oh, '

he breathes, when the Captain pushes his hand back down between the hot gap of their thighs, hand drawing down his prick. 'Is that what this is ' ' he swallows, bends his head against the Captain 's shoulder, 'about? Huh? '

'Hmm, ' the Captain says. He seems to enjoy having Levi like this, spread across his thighs and tucked into him, probably as open as he 'll get him. 'So, now I know my best soldier doesn 't like to drink, and likes to be fucked. ' He cards his hand in Levi 's hair, drags back his head so their eyes are level. 'Even if he pretends otherwise, ' he adds, simpering.

Levi snaps his teeth at him, but the Captain just laughs. 'You don 't mean that, ' he says, 'we both know if you still wanted me dead I 'd be dead. '

'I don 't know, ' Levi mutters, 'maybe I just want to use you up, first. '

The Captain 's hands coil in his hair. Tighter. His neck feels like a spring, bunched tight. 'That 's true, ' Erwin tells him, quietly, 'could be. ' He is gathering Levi 's pre-come on his thumb, ringing the tip of his cock again and again, soft and steady. 'But then, I have to wonder ' you like getting fucked that bad, hmm? '

Levi ' shuts his eyes. He lets the tug of his hair pull him back into the Captain 's grip, totally. 'Why not? ' He murmurs, 'Life is short, and sex feels good. '

Between his thighs, the Captain 's come still has him loose ' it takes nothing at all to push two fingers, covered in own pre-come, deep inside. The Captain gives him what he wants: a solid ride, a hard fuck. Three fingers, then. Levi 's skin prickles, sweat-slick; he grips the Captain 's shoulder for purchase, intent on his own release. His thighs are aching, holding him stiff across the Captain 's waist, trembling. He 's going to come. He hates himself for it ' he shoves his fist in his mouth, covers his ragged sighs with silence and the red grooves of his teeth in the skin of hand.

'Good? ' The Captain asks him, briskly.

Levi nods, weakly. 'Yeah, ' he agrees, allowing himself to slump onto his chest, limp and ' rested. Spent. Feebly, he lifts his hand to pat the Captain on the head, twice. 'Good job. '

'I was thinking, ' the Captain says.

'Hmm? ' In this post-fuck haze, Levi is almost willing to endure his thoughts, tucked up nice and safe against his slab of a chest.

'Those two that you came up with. The girl, the young man. '

Isabel. Furlan. He thinks the Captain is trying to avoid saying their names. There 's a short silence. 'Yes, ' is all Levi says.

'She was pretty. Were you sweet on her? '

Levi starts to feel himself stiffen like a corpse.

Don 't,

he wills himself,

don 't send yourself away.

'She was a child, ' is all he has to say about that, disgust rising in his throat.

'What about him? He was a handsome young man if I remember. '

Levi does not think of anything at all. 'No. '

'Have you ever been sweet on anyone? ' The Captain continues. It 's just a question. He 's just asking him the kind of simple questions that any lover asks, has a right to ask. He means it innocently, earnestly.

Levi wants to wring his throat.

'No, ' he says again, with finality.

'But you ' I mean, obviously you know what to do. There must have been someone. Not even a ' boyhood tussle? A couple of whores? '

Levi sits up, slams his palms against the Captain 's shoulders. 'I

don 't, '

he spits, 'sleep with whores. You understand me? Not once, not

ever.

Fuck every pathetic shitcunt who does. '

The Captain blinks at him owlishly. 'I see, ' he says, slowly, 'I 've upset you, haven 't I. '

Levi beats him again. '

No, '

he snarls, clearly upset.

'I 'm sorry. I ' ' the Captain even has the decency to pretend to be ashamed, 'sometimes I don 't read things, well. '

And does truly look regretful, guilty, even. It 's gratifying to see it on his face and know he feels remorse, or even better, like a piece of shit, like a wheedling piece of shit. Levi wants to drive the knife deeper. 'My mother was a whore, ' he tells him, easily.

The Captain is very silent, and very still. 'I see, ' he says again.

'You see? ' Levi mocks, 'You

see?

I thought you wanted answers, Captain. '

'Levi, ' he says instead, voice soft, 'you don 't have to. It 's fine. '

'My father was a no one, ' he rattles off, 'could have been a lord, could have been scum. Don 't know. Never cared. After she died, I should have died. ' He grins, a sickly smile, with muscles unused to pulling in that direction, drops the worst of it into conversation. 'Got found by a guy ' you might have heard of him. Kenny the Ripper. '

The Captain stares. 'You 're lying, now, ' he says, like he 's figured it out, 'you 're making fun of me. '

Levi laughs, and is surprised to be reminded by how ugly it sounds, like the rest of him. 'Wouldn 't that be nice, ' he spits. 'It 's my life, idiot. Don 't call it a lie, I had to live it. '

He thinks he might have won. The Captain is no longer meeting his eyes, those slug-brows pulling together. What is that, confusion? Concern?

'What was he like? ' The Captain asks him, defiant.

Levi glares. 'Kenny? ' He shrugs. 'We lived together ' three years. Maybe four. He knew my mother. I figured maybe he was a favourite client, or maybe he was the bastard who killed her making up for a guilty conscience. Never got to ask, he left me. '

'How old were you? '

Levi frowns. 'I told you, ' he said, 'I don 't know. '

'I said twenty-four, on your records. Your birthday 's in December, by the way, ' Erwin informs him. 'In case that ever comes up. '

'Yeah? I mean ' that might be right. ' Levi pulls back. He finds himself sitting between the Captain 's thighs, his legs bracketing his hips. 'I ' I think that 's right, or thereabouts. I can 't remember, it 's ' blurry. I don 't know. '

'Levi, ' The Captain says.

Levi finds himself frowning. He looks at him.

'Maybe you just need to think logically, ' he prompts him, gently. 'How much of your mother do you remember? '

'I don 't ' ' Levi realises it, then, with a sticky, swallowing rush in his stomach. 'I don 't like to think too hard on it. ' He watches him from under his eyes. 'How much of your parents do you remember? ' He asks, then. Voice quiet.

Erwin raises his brows, seems to think. 'By seven, I could remember my father 's face clearly, ' he tells him, 'and he died when I was ten. Which means, if you are able to recall your mothers face, you were at least six or seven when she died. ' He says it so confidently, happy to be giving him an answer.

'Tch, ' Levi says softly, 'I don 't remember her face at all. '

'Are there records? '

'Of births underground? ' Levi stares at him incredulously. 'Are you stupid? We 're not even citizens. Besides, my mother didn 't even give me a last name, Erwin. I don 't think she 'd have ' '

He 's thinking about it, now, what he remembers of it. That cramped room where he had likely been born, and had assumed he would die. He remembers the sickness of it, the sight of his knees, too big for his legs. The taste of the cockroaches. He can remember that, but not his mother 's own face, not even how it looked after she had died ' but he remembers the face of the men who used to hurt her, how about that for sick?

That fucking rattling closet. Levi can feel it now, his numb feet, the little slit of light. He had to see too many things. Hear them, too. Kenny had been right; he needed to take that fear and let it spark him, let it light him up. Let the fear do the thinking for him. Once Levi had learned to challenge that anger, survival became as easy as breathing.

He thinks Kenny was never kinder to him then that first day. Fucking piece of shit. He hopes he 's rotting in hell.

'What about people she might have known? What about ' Kenny? ' Erwin prompts him. 'There must be someone who remembers when she was pregnant. '

Erwin is so naive, he thinks. He can 't even imagine what it 's like to live so isolated, to have so few people care about you, that when you die you 're forgotten, scratched from human history. 'Why do you care so much? ' He says instead, irritated. 'Why are you interrogating me? '

Erwin shrugs a shoulder. He reaches up to tuck a strand of Levi 's bangs behind his ear, frowning at the imperfection. 'It seemed like it bothered you, is all, ' he says, like people are that simple, like they just try to

help

others with no reason.

He slaps his hand away but he thinks he regrets it. It had felt nice to have Erwin 's large fingers scratch along the side of his head, tugging lightly on his hair. He needs to cut it. In the middle of everything else ' he 's been too busy.

'I 'm a novelty to you, ' Levi realises, dully.

'No. ' Erwin is still intent on his hair, trying to flatten the rucks and bed-strands into something resembling a soldier 's style. 'You 're a novelty to everyone, Levi. '

'Because I 'm a thug, ' he clarifies, 'who can 't write, talks like an urchin, and measures up to your shoulder, huh? '

'Far less than my shoulder, actually, ' Erwin says with his usual irritating accuracy. 'And I personally think you 're picking up writing very well. But no, not because of that ' maybe in spite of it. You 're the best soldier I 've ever seen, Levi. Easily. '

Whether by design or accident, Erwin 's hand is still brushed up against his cheek. Levi decides to ' tolerate it. 'You just don 't know what ' good fighting looks like, ' he mutters, shifting his eyes away so he doesn 't have to stare directly at all that intensity, that earnestness.

'Maybe. But I know I 've never seen anyone move the way you move, and I know that no matter how much you try, you can 't explain to the others how you do it. My hypothesis ' '

'Hypothesis? ' Levi interjects.

'A theory, ' Erwin clarifies, 'my theory is, if what you have can 't be taught, not even to our brightest soldiers ' '

'Not even to you, you mean. '

'Yes, actually, ' Erwin admits. 'If even I can 't understand what you mean when you talk about ' seeing gaps, and instinct, predicting movements before they even happen six steps in advance ' '

'Have you ever considered you 're just not that bright? ' Levi questions, snidely, not for the first time.

' ' then what were you born with to make you so special, hmm? '

'I was raised by a killer, Erwin. None of you were raised by killers. '

'Maybe. I thought, maybe. But then you said you only knew him a few years. '

This really is a puzzle for him, Levi realises. It 's almost funny to imagine him, staring up the ceiling at night, desperately trying to process how a rat like Levi surpasses him and all of his well-fed, sunlight-raised friends. It almost makes him laugh ' and not that ugly, wretched thing from earlier, but a real laugh. He wants to take his thumb and smooth out the deep wrinkle from between Erwin 's caterpillar eyebrows.

'He was a very good killer, Erwin. ' Levi can picture him right now, the sheer destruction of it ' the first time he 'd see Kenny slit the throat of a barkeep, not even a man who 'd wronged him in any way, just a guy who gave him lip. He 'd felt sick to his stomach. He 'd almost cried. Kenny had gripped the collar of his shirt, hands still wet with blood:

You want to cry, little rat? You want to join your Mama? Look at him. I said

look

at him, Levi '

He blinks. 'The best, actually. '

'Better than you? '

A beat. 'Yeah, ' Levi thinks, honestly, 'better than me. He enjoyed it. At least, he did. He 'll be getting old, now ' if he 's still alive, that is. '

He rests his hands in the centre of Erwin 's chest. What had they been talking about, before? Oh yes ' Levi had been counting his scars. He creeps his fingers up his skin, mounting his sternum with his nails, and then stops, sighs. Erwin grips his hips, his waist; with hands that big, he could crush him if he wanted, and yet Levi lets him, anyway. Why? It 's not care. It 's barely even trust.

'Maybe he was your father, ' Erwin tries, unsure. 'Maybe that 's why you 're so ' or maybe your real father was some kind of ' '

'You really don 't think it 's possible I 'm just ' that good? ' Levi asks, eyes cast down, 'Of my own accord, huh? Has to be some great secret, some ' '

'No, ' Erwin shakes his head, viciously. He sits up slightly, dislodging Levi down his hips. 'That 's not what I mean, not at all. What you do is remarkable ' it 's so remarkable that ' if we could bottle it, distil it ' '

'You can 't. It 's just me. '

'But you say this man, Kenny, that he had this gift. And

you

have, too. So perhaps ' '

'Ach, Erwin, ' Levi slaps his hands against his chest, irritated, 'enough, alright? What do you want me to say? I can 't give you the answers you 're looking for, I don 't even know them myself. Truth is I 'm just a vicious little feral, okay? I know you don 't have many of them where you come from ' '

'You don 't know where I come from. '

Levi rolls his eyes. 'I don 't have to know, don 't you understand? You 're tall, and healthy ' I

know

you 've never starved. The rest doesn 't mean anything. You could have parents who beat you or a creepy priest who touched you or seen ' seen your best friend eaten by a titan. I know you were fed, that you can read, you have a mother who writes you loving letters, and I see that people respect you. They 'll never respect a person like me, ' he mutters.

'My father was killed by the Military Police for teaching seditious lessons, ' Erwin tells him, calmly.

Somehow, this, Levi did not anticipate. 'And you enlisted anyway?! '

'Well, I wanted to go beyond the wall, ' he explains, like that 's a normal man 's goal and not the dreams of a lunatic. 'I wanted to see if he was right. '

'Right about what? '

Erwin watches him for a long time. So long, in fact, that Levi starts to question if he 's lost the ability to speak. 'Captain? ' He prompts.

'Do you really want to know? ' Erwin asks. He looks careful, now. Guarded.

'About what? ' Levi says with near exasperation.

'Beyond the wall. '

'What 's beyond the wall, Captain. '

A beat. Then he shrugs. 'I don 't know. No one knows. In one-hundred years we 've never got far enough to know. Isn 't that strange? '

Levi stares at him. 'Are you fucking demented? ' He asks him. '

Strange?

Have you even

seen

a titan? How can you ask ' '

'How can you not? ' Erwin interrupts, 'Are you incurious? '

Levi narrows his eyes. 'I 'm so very sorry, ' he drawls, 'if growing up beneath the earth has narrowed my horizons somewhat,

Erwin.

Some of us don 't think we were born for higher purpose. '

'You 've never wondered, then. What 's the beyond the wall. '

'I 've worried about when my next meal would be, who 's kill-list I 'm on, the people I 've wronged. And I know what 's beyond the wall, idiot, everyone does. '

'Titans? ' Erwin asks.

'Titans, ' Levi agrees.

Erwin 's face changes. His lips pull down, his eyes are hard. He 's ' angry? No, worse: disappointed.

'I expected better from you, ' he says.

It feels like a punch to the stomach, higher, beneath the ribs. You get punched there and it feels like the world has flipped, like there 's a gaping hole inside you that 's twisting round and round. Levi has disappointed him. He 's disappointed him. It makes him feel near sick ' why? When has he ever cared what people thought of him before? He feels his head pulling back to his shoulders, hunched, as if protecting from a physical blow. He tries to swallow; his mouth is dry. He winces, presses his palm to his head. 'Captain, ' he tries.

'We should sleep while we can. If we 're both late back tomorrow they 'll ask why we were together. '

'No, Captain ' ' Levi starts, feeling a sickening panic, 'you haven 't finished. '

'Finished what? '

'Beyond the wall, ' Levi gets out. It starts to make sense to him, even as he says it: yes, why wouldn 't there be something beyond the wall? Titans come from somewhere, don 't they? They 're not born so it 's not crazy to suggest they 're made. 'If someone is making the Titans, they likely know we 're here. They 're sending them for a reason. '

Erwin lifts his chin, eyes shining. 'Exactly, ' he says, 'yes, exactly, Levi, do you see? Our collective memory stops one hundred years ago, but that is not even a long time ' my grandfather was born shortly after the walls went up, but his parents could tell him nothing about how they came to live here, just that they did. Even if we did flee Titans ' how can it be that we are

certain

there are no other human survivors? How do we know that for a fact? '

'We don 't, ' Levi tells him, readily, 'we don 't know it, at all. '

'Yes, ' Erwin breathes, sitting himself up fully. 'We don 't know. Everything about our world, when you pick at it for even a second ' it starts to unravel. Do you see? '

And Levi does. When Erwin tells him, when he explains it, he sees it perfectly, sunlight-clear. 'I do, ' he says, 'I understand. '

'But that 's why

you 're

so important, Levi, ' Erwin continues. He grips Levi 's shoulders, thumbs stroking up his throat, 'you can take down Titan 's with ease. If we could understand what makes you the way you are, we could do the same. '

'Travel to the end of the world, ' Levi says, breathlessly. He stares at him, those soft blue eyes, the strong nose, the hint of stubble on a thick jaw. Only Erwin could think these things, he thinks. He doesn 't know why he knows that, but he does. There 's a wonder in his eyes ' worse than that,

hope.

It should make Levi sick.

But instead, it just makes him want to believe it.

A beat. Erwin settles back. 'Exactly, ' he says, smiling, 'we could do exactly that. '