Dazai would like to argue that while he is

excellent

at denial 'at this point it's his oldest coping mechanism 'that he isn't

stupid

. Sure, after

that

event, he's becoming aware of...something.

Of course, in the usual pattern of his life, Dazai goes to one of his

closest

friends who also just so happens to be the

worst

person to ask.

Fyodor barely looks up from his laptop as his former classmate flops across his bed. 'I deeply regret giving you a key. '

'Too late, I've already made like three copies, you're never getting rid of me..." Dazai sighs heavily, his face dropping into Fyodor's pillow. "Where's Nikolai?"

"Class, he likes going at night..." Fyodor slowly turns around to stare at him. "Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"All..." Fyodor wrinkles his nose. "

Vulnerable

and all of that garbage. Honestly, it's distasteful to watch."

"Sorry," Dazai mutters, his voice a little muffled, "I forgot to not act like a human being with feelings again."

"Please don't do it again 'it gives me the creeps."

"Well, it's funny you say that..." Dazai trails off slowly, making Fyodor groan tiredly.

"

What

? '

"...I actually have a serious question." Dazai mutters, and the Russian finally drops the cold and disgusted act.

"What is it?"

"...When did you figure out that you liked guys?"

"If this conversation ends with you asking to practice on me or something, I'm going to throw you out the window before my boyfriend even makes it ' '

"God,

no

' ' Dazai throws his hands up, looking

grossed out

at the thought. "I'd rather lick a toilet seat."

'

Wow

. '

"Wait, that '" Dazai wipes a hand down his face, wishing that, at some point in his life, he would just learn when to

shut up

. "That came out wrong '"

"Did it

really

? ' Fyodor's eyes narrow, "Please, don't hold back your disgust ' '

"No! It's just 'I already kissed someone."

"..." Fyodor's eyebrows shoot up with shock as he stares him down. "I'm assuming this someone was a boy?"

Dazai's uncomfortable silence 'and, mind you, it's

rare

for him to be uncomfortable 'is enough of an indication that he's correct.

"And you're panicking because you liked it?" Fyodor shrugs, "That's not the end of the world. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sometimes, guys are kind of fluid. It's not like the feeling ' '

Then, he notices the look on Dazai's

face

.

"...persisted?"

Dazai grimaces, and Fyodor's jaw goes slack.

"Oh."

It's sort of...

Well, Fyodor and Dazai might have spent a year apart when the older boy went off to college the year before, but...He

remembers

how popular his friend was with the girls 'and that he enjoyed them

just as much

as they enjoyed him.

So, it's...shocking.

"Do you...just wanna fuck the guy?" Fyodor offers, cutting straight to the heart of Dazai's usual motivations.

"..." Dazai doesn't want to say, '

Well, you see, he made me soup and now I'm contemplating the fact that I may or may not think he's cute, and I'm struggling to make up new insults about his height, and that's about 60% of my strategy when it comes to him not figuring out that I

don't

actually hate him ' '

So, he

doesn't

say that. "I'm interested in him." He shrugs. "And ignoring it isn't making it go away."

"..." Fyodor frowns, thinking. "Are you any less attracted to women?"

Dazai's eyes widen slightly and he shakes his head, because if anything, the blonde he went home with last weekend was a very good example that he

definitely

likes girls. "No."

Fyodor shrugs, "Sounds like you're bisexual."

"..." Dazai stares at him, trying to figure out why Fyodor looks so

unimpressed

by what is very

big

news. "...Is that not a big deal?"

And herein lies the problem of asking someone like

Fyodor

for advice.

He's pragmatic to a fault 'and not

cruel

, but...not nurturing in moments like this.

"You're worried about getting disinherited if your father finds out, right?"

Dazai doesn't answer at first. He's never had the expensive spending habits that his mother always did 'and he's always been more self-sufficient than most in his circumstances.

It's not about

money

.

It's about the fact that outside of his family 'and he'll admit, he doesn't have the

best

one in the world 'Dazai doesn't really have anyone

else

.

"I guess." He admits, not looking up.

"Well, the good news for you 'is no one ever has to find out." Fyodor waves him off. "You know what they call bisexuals where I'm from?"

"..." Dazai tilts his head to the side, "No, I'm not really up to date on Russian discourse on sexuality ' '

"Overdramatic." Fyodor replies flatly. "You're straight passing. If you're just as happy with a girl, then why does it matter that you might want to fuck

one

guy? I mean I guess you could get it out of your system or something 'but it's not a big deal. It doesn't have to change your life. It's not the same as being closeted."

Dazai slowly tilts his head to the side, taking that in.

It's not a big deal.

Maybe it makes sense.

Sure

, he might feel

something

for Chuuya 'but Fyodor is

right

. He's fine with girls. He

enjoys

girls.

So, may be this new revelation really

doesn't

matter, because even if he might have a

tiny

crush, he still has

options

.

So, sure. Maybe he's a

little

bit bisexual. But that isn't

gay

. It's not life changing. Not the end of the world. It's certainly not like it's something that's really going to

bother

him in the long run.

So, why make a big deal out of it?

That argument held a lot more weight when Chuuya had a boyfriend, even if it wasn't always

easy

. Tensions between them

did

start going down after the soup incident, if only because Dazai got a lot less...he would use the word

'teasing'

, Chuuya would say

'sadistic

.'

In any case, it's

better

.

Did he enjoy seeing the bruises on Chuuya's neck when he came back from spending the night at the other dorm? No.

Was he a fan of the fact that he came back at one point to Shirase using his

shower?

Absolutely not.

But it wasn't

the end of the world.

Just

annoying

.

Chuuya, on his own front...is trying to improve his communication skills.

He squeezes his eyes shut, biting the inside of his cheek

hard

. "Could you just 'wait a second?"

Shirase lifts his mouth off of him, during what was a

slightly

more engaging blowjob than usual. "Sure, ' he sits back on his heels, licking his lips, "What's up?"

"Well, first, ' Chuuya takes a deep breath, "if you don't

like

oral, you don't have to ' '

Shirase frowns, "But you do it for me all the time. '

"And I don't

mind

doing it, but I don't want you to force yourself to do it if you ' '

"When did I say I was forcing myself?" Shirase, frowns, tilting his head to the side. "I

offered

, so ' '

Chuuya doesn't really want to engage on the subject

and

he has something else on his mind, so he just

blurts it out.

"Does your family know?"

"Know? What do y ' ' Shirase starts, but then he realizes what Chuuya is

saying

, and he raises an eyebrow. "You mean that I'm into guys, or '?"

"That we're dating." Chuuya mutters, pressing his foot against Shirase's shoulder to make him lean back more. "My family does."

"They know about you..." Shirase bites his lip. "I mean, I told them I was seeing a guy, anyway. But you 'Chuuya 'look, I know I'm your first boyfriend, but we've only been dating for a couple of months 'if you want to meet my

family

' '

Chuuya's eyes widen with embarrassment. "I wasn't saying that '" Well, maybe he

had

thought about it, since Shirase's parents live

nearby

, but 'it wasn't supposed to be like

that

, and if it's

weird

. "I just 'wanted to make sure that you weren't '"

"I already told you, Chuuya 'I'm not embarrassed of you. '

"..." Chuuya's head drops back against the pillow, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

It's all in his head.

All of it.

Because shitty

Dazai

put it there.

Of course 'by the end of October, Chuuya learned one lesson the hard way.

Like it or not, Dazai Osamu is

always

right.

'You really aren 't going to go to the party? ' Yuan frowns, fiddling with her cat ears, reaching down to grab a marker (to draw on the whiskers to complete the ensemble) 'We could go together! '

'It 's a couples thing, ' Chuuya shrugs, staring at the ceiling.

Yuan frowns. 'You mean your boyfriend won 't go? '

Chuuya shakes his head, wrapping his arms around himself. 'Not really... '

The pink haired girl frowns, crossing her arms over her chest. 'Then why not go with me? We can still have fun. '

'Yeah, but you shouldn 't have to. '

'My boyfriend isn 't coming either. ' Yuan shrugs. 'It 's not a big ' '

Chuuya blinks slowly, shocked by one detail. '...Since when did you get a boyfriend? '

Yuan pauses, wincing. 'Oh, I wasn 't supposed to say... ' She pinches the bridge of her nose. 'It doesn 't matter. The point is '"

'Why weren 't you supposed to say? ' Chuuya asks, staring at his friend with confusion.

'Well '" Yuan scratches the back of her head 'We started talking over the summer, but...Freshmen on his team aren 't allowed to date, so we 're waiting until the end of the season. '

It sounds familiar.

'The track team?

Yuan blinks, eyes widening with surprises. 'How did you know? '

Chuuya shrugs, 'Well, my boyfriend doesn 't want anyone to know because he doesn 't want to lose his scholarship ' '

He pauses when he sees the look on Yuan 's face. 'When did you two start talking? '

'...Orientation? ' Chuuya answers slowly, and Yuan looks when

more

upset.

'You don 't think...? ' She starts, and Chuuya shakes his head.

'No 'no... ' It 's the instinctive response, because no one

actually

does that; right? That sort of thing is reserved for shitty teen melodramas.

Right

?

'Well, ' Yuan starts, 'If we just say our boyfriend 's name at the same time, then we can both keep the secret, and... ' she lets out a shaky breath 'Then we 'll know. '

'...Yeah, ' Chuuya agrees slowly, wrapping his arms around himself. 'Okay. '

'On the count of three? '

1...2...3...

'Shirase! '

The silver haired teen turns around, raising an eyebrow at his friend, calling him over to the edge of the bar. 'What 's up? '

'Two of your friends are here 'said they were looking for you? They 're waiting outside. '

'Oh, thanks '" he lets himself slip off of his bar stool, away from the blonde he 'd been trying to convince to play billiards with him for the last ten minutes.

If he couldn 't get

her

to go with him, his next plan would 've been to call Chuuya, but he 's been so fucking

stingy

lately, particularly when it comes to taking

Things further. Like, okay 'he

gets

that he 's a virgin and all, that was the

fun

part about dating him, but he didn 't get all

shy

until a couple of weeks ag '

'HEY, FUCKFACE! '

BONK!

Something hard and a little sharp slams into the back of his head, and Shirase stumbles

Forward, one hand flying up to his hairline as he whips around, 'What the '?! '

And there, he sees his girlfriend, struggling like a little Tasmanian Devil in the arms of his boyfriend, trying to hurl her other shoe at him.

'Yuan! WE PLANNED THIS ON THE TRAIN '"

'FUCK THE PLAN! '

Oh

no

. Oh

shit

.

To some degree, because Chuuya is a little more...docile in the bedroom than he is normally, it didn 't exactly occur to Shirase until this moment that if the redhead

wanted

to...

He could totally break Shirase 's face.

Like,

demolish

it.

So, he really needs to smooth this over before Chuuya gets tired of holding Yuan back. 'Listen, I can explain ' '

'I DON 'T WANNA HEAR IT '" Yuan snarls, her feet flailing as Chuuya literally had to dangle her off the ground to keep her from charging. 'YOU 'GIVE BISEXUALS 'A

BAD NAME! '

'What?! '

'Do you know how many girlfriends dumped me because they thought I was getting dick on the side?! ' Yuan hisses, 'And then I find out THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING '"

'I didn 't mean to

hurt

either of you ' '

'Oh shut

up

you ' ' Chuuya screws up his face, and Yuan stops struggling for a minute in order to help.

'Shit dick? ' She offers, and the redhead nods gratefully.

'Yeah 'you

SHIT DICK! '

'Look ' ' Shirase holds his hands up, backing away slowly, 'I just 'started talking to both of you over the summer because 'you 're both so smart, and beautiful, and I just 'had a hard time choosing, and '" He spread his hands with a hopeful smile, "I mean 'we all get along, right?"

"...Are you '" Chuuya pauses, his eyes narrowing, " 'after cheating on

both

of us, are you seriously suggesting that we start being '" Yuan is bobbing her head in agreement until Chuuya yells,

'MORMONS?! '

"YEAH 'wh 'wait '" She pauses, turning to look at Chuuya. "

No

, that's not '"

The two turn around in a brief group huddle. "I thought they '?"

"No 'I mean maybe in the 1800s? But

no

'I don't even think they'd be cool with

bisexuals or gays or '" Yuan pinches the bridge of her nose, "anyway, you're thinking of polyamory '"

"What?!"

"I'll tell you when we get back to the train '"

"The

POINT

IS '" They both round back on Shirase as he starts to inch away, sneaking back towards the bar, "YOU'RE AN ASS '"

"And I'm

sorry

for that," Shirase starts, stumbling back towards the door as Chuuya lets Yuan go, and she starts to stalk towards him, her other shoe raised in the air "But we really don't need to resort to '"

"Oh," Chuuya smiles thinly "You're going to let her do it." Shirase's eyes flicker from Chuuya to Yuan as she creeps closer, and he notices the way that Chuuya's shirt sleeves are pushed up to the elbow, and '

"Because if you don't, I'm going to do it myself '" Chuuya snarls, anger flaring in his gut every time he remember show

hard

Shirase was pushing to go

further

in the last few weeks, and while Chuuya had been ready

before

, he couldn't get what Dazai

said

out of his head, and '

Now he knows 'Dazai was

right

. About everything that he said. From the very beginning.

" 'and if

I

do it, you'll end up in the

hospital

. '

There is

something

cathartic about watching Yuan slap the shit out of him (and also give him a few more good smacks with her shoe.)

"By the way 'we compared notes 'and for someone who sleeps around so much, you're a

really

shitty lay, you now that?!"

It's like one of those feel good moments in a teen movie. The kind where the spurned lovers gang up on the asshole and then run off into the sunset together while someone off screen yells,

'You GO girl!'

And to some extent, it is.

There are high fives

shared

on the train ride back. Yuan seems energized, vindicated 'and completely

delighted

at the way they were able to humiliate Shirase in front of his friends. "

God

'" she mutters, grossing her arms over her chest as Chuuya drops her back off at her dorm. "I can't believe we wasted so much

time

on that asshole..."

"Yeah." Chuuya mutters, scratching the back of his neck. "But it's over now, I guess." And at the very least, he can tell himself that it's a good thing that they found out the way that they

did

, otherwise 'he might have lost Yuan's friendship too. And honestly 'since he came to school, he values

her

more than anyone else he's met so far.

"Chuuya?" She pauses in front of her door, turning to look back at him. "You wanna stay the night? We could watch a movie or something '"

"After that?" Chuuya shakes his head. "I'm

really

tired, I'm just..." He shrugs, "Gonna go home and call it an early night. I'll text you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah." Yuan frowns, watching him carefully. Is she upset by what just happened? Sure. But Shirase wasn't her

first

boyfriend, and Chuuya...he's an incredibly

loyal

person. And...Yeah, okay, Yuan will admit it, he's a

little

naive, but that's just a lack of milage. He's catching up '

But before she can press her concerns any further 'Chuuya has already walked off to return to his own dorm.

Dazai would argue that this has been the

shittiest

Halloween of all time.

First of all: he didn't even get the chance to take his little brother trick-or-treating 'and he'd

promised

'all because of some shitty mix-ups with plane flights and his father not informing Atsushi's school that Dazai wanted to pick him for the evening 'and yeah, was Dazai gutted by having to explain to a seven-year-old kid that they had to cancel plans at the last minute?

Absolutely

.

And then, when he tried to salvage some

shred

of the evening by trying to pick up a girl at Fyodor's Halloween Party, it went

sideways

when Dazai showed up without a costume, and when Fyodor heckled him over it, Dazai stole his hat and said, 'Hey, look at me, I'm dressed up as an uptight asshole.'

And so now he's here, returning to his room, no Atsushi, no girl, and

done

with the holiday.

When he kicks the door open, tossing his keys on his desk as he shrugs out of his jacket, he's prepared to lay down, (probably jerk off, if he's being honest 'while

not

thinking about anyone in particular) take a shower, and call it a

night

'

Then, he's greeted by a sight that is something slightly more terrifying than any of the horror movies he's seen in the last few weeks.

A shivering blob, completely wrapped up in his futon, to the point where Dazai can't actually

see

if it's his roommate under there, or a tiny serial killer lying in wait.

"...Chuuya?" he asks slowly, half prepared for Sayako from the grudge to crawl out from under there, making his peace with god. Because Chuuya really

shouldn't

be home tonight 'Halloween is kind of a

kinky

holiday in general, and he's

sure

that sleezeball the redhead is dating had some sort of plan to get Chuuya in some sort of weird outfit and do unspeakable 'well '

Alright. Fuck it. Maybe it's because Dazai knows he's a piece of shit and that's what

he

would do--

"Go away."

Dazai freezes at the sound of his voice. It's weird. Dazai has always been...cold. Outright distant with people outside of his family, particularly when he doesn't know them that well.

But Chuuya's voice sounds

raw

.

Like he's been crying for

hours

.

And Dazai...wasn't expecting the way that would make him feel.

Sure, his roommate is naive, bratty, and annoying-- to the point where even Dazai wants to give him a shitty little reality check 'but he never actually

does

. He teases. Torments. Embarrasses him on purpose

quite a bit

, but...since that first day, he's never gone too

far

. Because whether he's willing to admit it or not...

"Chuuya ' '

"I said,

go away! '

Chuuya mutters, shrinking into an even tinier ball under his futon.

...Dazai doesn't

not

care.

"...What happened?" His voice is surprisingly

gentle

, but not enough to make Chuuya open up.

"Exactly what you

said

, alright?" Chuuya mutters, his voice cracking. Dazai is confused for a second, trying to put it together, but...

He cautiously places one foot over their duct tape embattlements, carefully crossing the room until he's standing next to Chuuya's bed. "Something with Shirase?"

His roommate doesn't emerge, but the shudder from under the comforter tells Dazai that he just triggered another silent sob.

Oh

.

"Let me teach you a little

life lesson

'"

Dazai winces. He's an

idiot

.

"...Chuuya, what you're feeling right now ' '

"Shut up! '

Dazai flinches when Chuuya shrinks away from him, rolling over to face the wall, sniffling. "You have

no idea

what I'm feeling, okay?!"

"..." Dazai drops down to sit on the edge of Chuuya's bed, facing away from him.

This, oddly enough, is something he's pretty experienced with.

"I understand if you don't believe me, or if you want me to leave," Chuuya pauses, glaring tearfully at the blackness underneath the sheets, thrown off by how

soft

Dazai's voice is. "But I

do

know." One hand reaches out, resting over Chuuya's back through

the comforter. "And he's just a piece of shit, okay?" Chuuya is quiet, and Dazai presses on, "It wouldn't have mattered how good looking you were, smart, or funny 'guys like that 'it doesn't make a difference. There's just something wrong with him, not you."

"That's n-not true." Chuuya hugs himself tighter. "I was

stupid. '

"You trusted him."

"That was

stupid! '

Chuuya's voice cracks again. "You were right, okay?! I'm just a 'stupid 'trusting 'sheltered little kid, alright?! I

get it

, so if you're just playing nice to gloat, stop '"

"Hey." Dazai reaches up, grabbing the hem of the comforter, pulling it down over Chuuya's head 'and now that he can actually

see

him '

His cheeks are flushed, his eyes are swollen and red 'he looks so fucking miserable, and 'Dazai finds himself wanting to run Shirase over with his car. And then back over him a couple of times.

Maybe three.

"I'm being serious." From the tone Dazai's using, Chuuya can't really

doubt

it. "You are

not

stupid."

Dazai doesn't really understand the impact those words have.

Chuuya's parents were always loving, supportive '

especially

his mom.

But in the last five years...Every single person in his life, no matter how much they love him, has tried to impress upon him his own limits. It's always, 'You're strong,

but

'' or, 'you're

smart

, but ''

Always a modifier attached. Dazai doesn't offer anything like that. Not right now.

"I don't know..." Dazai sighs tiredly. "I don't know what makes a

good

relationship, but I know what

bad

ones 'it always starts when they don't trust each other."

He's seen that

way

too many times.

"Trusting him didn't make you stupid, it just meant you were being a good partner."

Chuuya doesn't know what to think of this. Because Dazai's words 'they

do

have an effect, he

does

feel better, but 'why is Dazai saying any of it to

begin

with? Why is he being so

nice

?

"...If you feel bad about what you said," Chuuya's voice is so

tiny

, it doesn't sound like him at all. "I forgive you, okay? You don't have to '"

"I'm

sorry

, alright?"

"...Okay."

It's more progress than Dazai

thought

they would ever make, but not his intention.

"...I'm not ' ' Dazai squeezes his eyes shut, his teeth clenching for just a moment. "I'm just ' 'he lets out a slow breath. It's not like him to struggle for words. To lose his composure. It's not like him to be so

serious

.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit '

"I'm just offering..."

Chuuya blinks slowly lifting his head tiredly as he wipes his eyes. "Offering what?"

"..." Dazai turns his head to look at him, and Chuuya can tell 'he's not guilty, or manipulating, or

teasing

, or anything else 'it's a sincere offer. "A truce?"

"..." Chuuya tilts his head. "A

what? '

Dazai's lips turn down into a small, thoughtful frown 'not the carefree look everyone else gets to see all the time. And it's weird 'Chuuya normally associates intimate moments being ones where you get to see someone

more

relaxed, but '

It feels...kind of special, to be able to see Dazai just stop

pretending

for a minute. Even if he and Chuuya are the

opposite

of friends, and it shouldn't matter '

In this tiny, shitty moment 'it feels nice.

"If you wanna cry, hit me, whatever," Dazai shrugs. "I won't say a word about it tomorrow."

Chuuya stares at him, eyes wide, and Dazai is running through an array of options for possible outcomes. Getting slapped, punched in the face, told to

'fuck off'

(though, knowing Chuuya, he'd probably say

'screw off'

because, well, he's

ridiculous

')

"...You promise?"

Dazai nods, waiting for it, and then '

Chuuya just lurches forward, until his face is pressed against Dazai's ribs 'and Dazai can feel the dampness on his cheeks through his sweatshirt as the redhead's arms wrap tightly around his middle.

And it's

incredible

to Dazai, that after what an absolute

dick

he's been to Chuuya, the other student is willing to just cling to Dazai like this and just

cry his eyes out.

"

I was so

stupid

'"

Dazai remembers how

self-loathing

Chuuya sounded when he said that. And it feels...wrong.

He can't say it out loud, but...

Being able to be this open, this trusting 'to be so

vulnerable

, it's...pretty brave. And maybe, if he was a little more mature himself 'he

knows

he's a little bit of a hypocrite when he criticizes Chuuya on that front 'he would be able to admit that he

was a little

jealous

of that.

Dazai doesn't know

how

to be like that. Not with anyone.

When he was growing up, if anything ever upset him 'he got pretty used to the idea that there wasn't going to be anyone around for that. So, he just...stopped reacting.

"I 'I'm sorry ' ' Chuuya chokes, pulling his face back, "I know some guys 'feel weird about hugging other guys, so '" he makes a small noise of surprise that he refuses to categorize as a

'squeak'

, even if it

was

high pitched, when Dazai tugs him back, holding Chuuya against him.

"You know, you really don't listen that closely, do you?" Dazai's lips quirk up just a

little

.

Chuuya sniffles quietly against his sweatshirt, trying to keep up with what his

head

is saying, and the weird, confusing roiling going on in his stomach. Somewhere in between heartbreak and butterflies.

One part, he understands. The other part...

His arms tighten around Dazai as his eyes flood with tears all over again, his heart beating painfully in his chest. It's never helped him out before, and it isn't starting

now

.

"I just don't want you to ' '

"Chuuya," Dazai shakes his head, letting the smaller boy shift until he's completely in Dazai's arms, nestled between his legs, curled up with his head resting against Dazai's chest.

And it's

weird

.

Because Chuuya feels...Safe.

And that sounds like such a stupid, corny way to describe it, but he does. Like Dazai really

means

what he says, and no matter how pathetic, immature, or

weak

Chuuya acts right now, he really

won't

make a big deal out of it later.

The first time Dazai had to do something like this, he had been nine years old. The age where you think your mother is the most beautiful woman in the world 'and it seems

unfathomable

that you would see something that you shouldn't.

Your father with some faceless stranger in his arms. And when you try to

ask questions

, it results in...seeing your mother weeping in her bedroom, inconsolable, trying to make it

better

when you have no idea

how

, and at that age, seeing your parent

cry

like that '

It's

terrifying

. It makes you feel so

helpless

.

So now, rubbing one hand up and down Chuuya's back, holding him close

as the redhead weeps against the side of his neck 'he

still

feels helpless, but it isn't

terrifying

.

Just

sad

, angry, and whether he's willing to admit it or not 'protective.

Which is

stupid

.

Chuuya doesn't try to pull away 'and Dazai doesn't make him. Eventually they

end up watching a movie on Chuuya's iPad, with the redhead's knees pulled up against his chest as he sits between Dazai's legs, leaning back against him heavily.

Dazai's snort isn't

biting

when Chuuya flinches at one of the jump scares 'if anything, it's endeared. "Why did you want to watch

the Purge

of all things when you're

sad?

You a masochist or something?"

Chuuya glances up at him, sniffling as he raises an eyebrow, "Those are people who like pain, right?"

"..." Dazai fights down

every

urge in his body to make a joke, and he nods. "Yep."

Chuuya glances back down at the screen, shaking his head. "If I'm scared '" he reaches for the box of tissues Dazai fished out of the closet for him, wiping at his eyes again, " 'I 'm not sad."

"..." Dazai shrugs, biting back a smile as he rests his chin on top of Chuuya's head. "Okay."

Chuuya feels small, but surprisingly solid in his arms. The weight of him is firm, comforting, even if

Dazai

is the one doing the consoling here 'and Dazai remembers something he noticed the first night they met 'something that he forgot.

Chuuya smells

so

nice.

Neither one of them knows exactly

when

they fell asleep 'and when Dazai wakes up the next morning, Chuuya is still sleeping like a

rock

against his chest, their legs intertwined in the sheets.

He keeps trying to tell his brain that it's

weird

, but 'it's

not

.

Fuck

.

Dazai quietly negotiates with himself for an hour, telling himself he 's going to move. He strokes his fingers through red hair absentmindedly, watching individual strands slip through his fingertips in the soft morning light.

Ten minutes. He 'll get up in ten minutes.

Chuuya doesn 't snore, but he makes these tiny little grunts and sighs when he shifts against Dazai 's chest, soft exhales brushing against his sweatshirt.

Dazai hasn 't ever slept in the same bed as someone else before. He 's shared them for temporary bouts of exploration 'but never more than a few

hours at most.

It 's not as bad as he would have

thought

.