The next few weeks go by uneventfully. They make it from September to October in frigid silence, and while it isn't really

progress

, at least they aren't

actively fighting

.

"So, you're liking school?" Chuuya can hear the sounds of the busy street in the background, then the low whistle of Kouyou calling for a taxi.

"Yeah..." Chuuya trails off, "It's been good. Eventful."

"...How eventful are we talking?"

"Got drunk, got a boyfriend, got busted for running a questionably legal panini business ' '

"Oh god. Does Dad know?"

"If he did, do you think I would still be here?"

Well,

sure

, Chuuya

is

eighteen and he

can

make his own decisions, but if his Dad was going to

literally

have a stroke, then

yes

, he'd move back home.

Kouyou doesn't argue with that logic. 'What's his name? '

'My roommate? '

"Your

boyfriend

. '

"Oh." Chuuya blinks, lowering his voice a little as he walks past a gaggle of girls. 'Shirase. '

'Is he nice? '

'Yeah, '

he nods emphatically. "And funny 'honestly, we get along really well."

"That's good ' ' Kouyou pauses, "Why do you sound...conflicted?"

Chuuya bites his lip.

There are a couple of reasons. Only one of which would be digestible to his sister. "...I guess I just don't know how to...be..." he scratches the side of his neck. "You know how Dad was always rambling about how

communication

is so important and how he and Mom were always so

good

at talking about crap?"

"Yes, Chuuya," Kouyou bites back laughter, "you've summarized the key to a successful marriage

very eloquently. '

"Well..." Chuuya makes a face, wrinkling his nose. "There's something I don't know how to...broach."

"Like what?"

"It's kinda... '

Chuuya trails off, his face heating up a little, and his sister's tone turns reassuring. "There's nothing you can't talk to me about, you know..."

The redhead sighs heavily, pulling his backpack higher up on his shoulders "Yeah...just... '

"Just what?"

"We've been doing stuff."

"Stuff?" He can hear the sound of a taxi door shutting, "Chuuya, you don't have to call it stuff ' '

"I'm

definitely

gay, right?"

Kouyou seems startled but the question "I don't know, Chuuya, you're the one who almost puked during

that

scene in Blue is the Warmest Color ' '

"Does

any

sex scene have to be fifteen minutes long?! That's ' ' Chuuya rubs his cheek, as if that might get rid of the blush there. "That's not the point, it's just 'I...haven't really been into it."

"...Well," Kouyou sounds a little

surprised

, "you could still be

romantically

attracted to men and not want to be with them

sexually

. '

"What? Like I'm

asexual? '

Chuuya blinks, shaking his head, "I might be confused, but I'm

not

that ' '

"How do you know?"

"Because when I'm touching

him

it's great, and we're both into it, but... ' Chuuya bites the inside of his cheek. "I don't know, it just isn't that good when he's touching me? It just sort of feels...like he's trying to get through it. Does that sound stupid?"

"...No," Kouyou's tone is a little hard to read. "And you don't know how to talk to him about it?"

Chuuya shifts uncomfortably. Emotionally, the connection between the two of them is

great

. They have fun together, and yeah, there

is

sexual tension. But...

Chuuya has

barely

gotten off. At all.

"You're gonna think it's stupid."

"I'm

not

, what is it?"

"...I don't want to make him feel bad, okay?!" Chuuya grumbles, scratching the back of his head. "It's not like it's easy to tell someone that they're shitty at giving head ' '

"Sure, but I think he'd feel worse if you

didn't

," Kouyou points out. "And he's your first sexual partner. It's important for him to understand your needs ' '

Chuuya

cringes

with embarrassment at the mention of his 'needs,' but he nods. "Fine,

fine

, I'll try to talk to him about it..." He grumbles, looking down at his shoes. "It's just awkward."

"It gets easier." She

says

that, but Chuuya isn't sure how it

actually could.

"...Yeah, yeah, alright." He sighs heavily. "Love you."

"I love you too, Chuuya 'call more, okay? I miss you."

He slips his phone back into his pocket just before he steps back into his room, fighting the anxiety roiling in the pit of his stomach at the

thought

of having to have that conversation '

When he processes two weird things.

One, Dazai is in bed when he

should

be in class.

And two, he's

buried

in blankets.

"...Are you sick or something?"

"Nope." Dazai responds calmly.

Chuuya stares, his backpack dangling loosely from his hands as he stares. "...Are you sure?"

"Just as sure as I am that you look like a cabbage patch kid."

"...

Hah?! '

Chuuya's eyes narrow, "What the heck ' '

"Heck?"

"Hell ' '

"The outfit."

Chuuya glances down at his paint splattered overalls, one strap dangling off of his arm, the pant legs rolled up to mid-calf. "...Oh,

grow up

, I was working on a project ' '

"Was that project bringing joy to children and giggling when they rub your tummy?"

"You're

such

an ass, that's the

last

time I ask you about your

well-being

. ' Chuuya mutters, dropping his bag down on his desk. "I hope you get the

plague. '

"I don't think that's super politically correct right now."

Chuuya makes a face. "...Okay,

fine

, I hope you get such a

specific

but

not

contagious

pathogen that you end up in the hospital and your dick shrivels off."

Dazai cringes a little, "Okay, that was

vicious

'"

"You called me a

cabbage patch kid. '

"Yeah," Dazai smiles tiredly, pulling his blankets up with a shiver, "I've been holding onto that one."

"Do you just have a

list

of insulting nicknames you're waiting to use?"

"Yep," Dazai yawns. "I brainstorm."

"When?"

"Whenever you're being annoying and talking to me while I'm very obviously trying to take a

nap. '

"...Tch." Chuuya grumbles, dropping into his desk chair and looking away.

Dazai stares at his ceiling, waiting for sleep to come, but now it's pushed to the periphery, because he's

acutely

aware of Chuuya's presence as he settles down to work for the day, and...He sighs. "There's actually something you should know."

He doesn't

sound

smug.

Chuuya slowly turns back around in his chair, his hair pulled up into a messy bun with a pencil. "Okay," he crosses his legs. "What?"

"...Shirase is in my philosophy class," Dazai mutters, closing his eyes.

"He mentioned it to me." Chuuya frowns. "What about it?"

Dazai sighs. "Look, it's none of my business '" and he really,

really

doesn't want to get in the middle of it, honestly, thinking about their relationship is gross

enough

. "But I overheard him telling someone that he was single."

"..." Chuuya shrugs. "Well, yeah."

"...Am I missing something here?" Dazai lifts his head, even though it feels like it weighs a

million pounds.

"Did you dump him?"

"No," Chuuya snorts, looking away. "He just isn't out." He turns back around, focusing on his homework. "He doesn't want it to mess with his track scholarship."

"..." Dazai blinks, his head dropping back down onto the pillow. "That makes

no

sense."

Chuuya frowns irritably, powering up his tablet. "Look, not everyone can enjoy the financial security ' '

"I have a friend on the softball team, and she's out." Dazai frowns. "And she still has a scholarship."

Chuuya pauses, his stylus freezing for just a

second

in his hand, and then he shakes himself out of it. "Well, the coach could have a different mindset or something, there are a lot of factors. I mean, I had to stop sports ' '

"Because you came out?"

Chuuya blinks, biting the inside of his cheek, reaching up to push a loose piece of his bangs behind his ear. "...Look, I just get why he wouldn't want to

quit

, and it's not a big deal. I don't need a super public relationship ' '

Dazai isn't so sure about that.

From what he has seen about Chuuya 'not like he pays attention, he's just a naturally observant person, so...

Chuuya is naive and

romantic

and he has this starry eyed perspective on what

adult life

is actually like, most of which seems to stem from teen rom coms. Dazai is

pretty sure

he's the type that fantasizes about getting passionate love letters or being kissed in the rain. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if the little idiot secretly wanted someone that would think of really

thoughtful

anniversary gifts, or write love song

just for him.

So

no

, he's pretty sure that Chuuya

does

need a public relationship. Or at the very least, not a

secret one.

"I'm going to posit something for you here," Dazai mutters, rubbing his hands over his temples. "If you were in a

straight

relationship, how would that sound?"

"..."

Bad

.

"...But I'm

not

," Chuuya mutters, trying to shove that little seed of

doubt

out of his head, glaring. "And I don't remember

asking

for your opinion."

It's not like Dazai has his

best interests

in mind, after all. He's probably just trying to

mess with him.

"...Okay, fine." Dazai mutters, pulling the blankets all the way over his head, retreating into his burrow. "It's your business, not mine."

"Yeah," Chuuya mutters, hunching over his tablet. "It

isn't. '

And really, Chuuya would have

loved

to not speak to Dazai for the rest

of the night. Hell, for the rest of the

week

. He spent half of the night glaring at his ceiling, tossing and turning, telling himself Dazai is just pulling some sort of

psychological warfare

, but...The thought sticks there.

And then, they hit three a.m.

Chuuya sits up with a start when he hears something crash into their floor, almost getting tangled up in his covers when he whips his head around, looking for the source '

Only to see Dazai, stretched out on their floor, shaking like a leaf, kicking his blankets off.

'...Dazai? '

He doesn 't get a response, just a broken mumble that sounds like something between, '

Call the Queen '

and '

I 'm a fighting machine. '

And for a moment he just

stops

moving, getting so still that Chuuya is almost terrified that he 's

dead

until he twitches again, rolling over.

'... ' Chuuya slips out of his bed, shivering a little when his feet hit the cool tile of their floor, cautiously inching over to where Dazai has decided to pass out, nudging him with his toe. 'Hey 'you can 't sleep on the floor '"

No movement.

The redhead kneels down, gingerly tugging at his shoulder until he rolls over onto his back.

The sight is

really

conflicting.

He 's completely pale other than a faint, feverish flush across his cheekbones 'and

sweating

, so he 's

obviously

sick, but '

Normally Chuuya gets to look at Dazai through the lens of

'Oh my god, you 're such a fucking bitch, I hope you fall down a flight of stairs. '

It 's like a handy dandy little Instagram filter 'one that helps him forget '

Well.

That Dazai looks like

that

.

He spends exactly three long seconds staring at his jaw before Dazai shudders, and

Chuuya snaps out of it, feeling properly ashamed of himself as he leans down to feel his temperature, pushing Dazai 's bangs back and resting his cheek against his forehead.

He 's

scorching

.

Just how sick

is he?

'What... ' Dazai croaks, voice raw, 'What are you doing...? '

Chuuya freezes up, realizing how intimate the gesture looks, and '

He 's immediately

mortified

, flailing backwards so hard that he lands on his ass, scrambling backwards until he smacks into his own bed frame with a faint bang and a groan. 'You 're '" he stammers, turning

maroon

, 'You 're sick! '

'Am not... ' Dazai moans, struggling to push himself up on his hands and knees. 'And what the f... ' a cough wracks his body as he slumps back onto the floor. 'Fuck...were you doing to my face... '

Chuuya wants to

die

. 'Checking your temperature? '

'With your

face? '

Dazai wheezes, his forehead against the floor.

Chuuya feels a little

riled

, 'That 's how my mom always checked, asshole 'plenty of people do that '"

'My mom never did that... ' Dazai yawns, 'Just let me sleep. '

'...Are you gonna get back in your bed? '

'No. '

'I '" Chuuya isn 't a

saint

. he does consider the possibility of leaving him there. But then another wracking coughing fit hits him, and he sounds

awful

.

'... ' He

groans

, scooting back across the floor, reaching over to grab Dazai 's wrist.

'Are you finally gonna finish me off? ' Dazai mutters, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he squirms, and Chuuya just

rolls his eyes.

'Shut up... ' He grumbles, pressing two fingers over Dazai 's pulse, silently counting in his head.

It 's beating

so

fast.

And he 's probably been nursing a fever since before Chuuya made it back to the room over six hours ago, and the redhead hasn 't seen his roommate drink

any

water in that time frame.

Meaning he 's probably

extremely

dehydrated by this point.

And might possibly need...

Chuuya groans.

Why

.

Why

him?

'Chuuya? ' His father sounds a little groggy over the phone, 'Do you have

any idea

what time it is '" then his voice switches to

panic

, 'Are you alright? Did you have another att '? '

'I 'm fine '" Chuuya cuts him off, biting his lip as he looks from the balcony to the limp body on the floor. 'I just... ' he shifts from foot to foot anxiously. 'I may have cursed my roommate and now I think he 's dying '"

'What? '

'He was being really annoying, and saying weird stuff, and then I said I wish he 'd get some rare pathogen that would make his dick shrivel off '"

'Chuuya! '

'I

know! '

Chuuya moans, his face in his hands. 'And now he 's got a

really

bad fever and I don 't know what to do '"

'Leave the dorm room? '

'Dad! '

'I 'm sorry, you can 't afford to catch whatever he has 'call campus health services '"

'It 's

3:30

, they 're

closed '"

'Chuuya, I understand that you 're concerned, but we 've discussed this before. You have

limitations

and they 're in place to keep you

safe

'"

Chuuya 's eyes narrow slowly, and his father becomes suspicious of his silence.

'Chuuya Nakahara, if you 're about to hang up on me and ignore what I just said '"

Chuuya does, in fact, hang up on him and ignore what

he just said

, turning around to fumble through his dresser, knocking the contents around.

'God... ' Dazai moans, curling into the fetal position. 'I can 't tell if it 's the fever dreams or if you

actually

look like a demented tooth fairy... '

'Shut up... ' Chuuya mutters, pulling out two face masks, pulling one on before he walks over to start fumbling through Dazai 's closet.

'Robbing me... ' Another coughing fit, 'on my

death bed. '

He wheezes as Chuuya pulls out a pair of boots.

'Classy. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes, dropping down on the floor next to Dazai to push boots onto his bare feet. 'You 're the

worst

, you know that? '

Something about that makes Dazai

smile

, so softly that it makes Chuuya 's face heat up. 'Yeah. '

'I could have

left you. '

Chuuya grumbles, glaring pointedly in the opposite position as he laces up Dazai 's boots.

'Still could. ' Dazai mumbles, making a face when Chuuya leans up to put the mask on him, then a

very

undignified groan when Chuuya pulls him up.

'Let me

die. '

'Such a

Drama Queen. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes, yanking Dazai 's arm around his shoulders as he helps him into the hallway.

The process of getting the bandaged idiot across campus is sort of a mixed bag.

He can

barely

walk, and it 's not that he 's too heavy for Chuuya to carry princess style, it 's that his legs are

way too damn long

and it 's

awkward

and inconvenient for Chuuya to try to fit his arms around him.

So it ends up being the awkward-est, most

annoying

piggie back ride Chuuya has ever given in his life.

'This... ' Dazai 's face keeps on bumping against his neck, making Chuuya 's heart speed up a little bit each time. 'This feels...kinda like lord of the rings... '

Chuuya rolls his eyes. 'Do I even wanna know? '

In spite of the fatigue, Dazai is smiling. 'One hobbit...carrying such a heavy burden... '

Chuuya 's eye

twitches

.

"You're

so

annoying, you know that?" Chuuya whines, practically dumping him onto a bench as they wait for the bus, "Like 'the

worst

person I've ever met."

"'S not true..." Dazai mumbles, wrapping his arms around himself and shivering. "You've met Shirase."

"...

Huh? '

Chuuya pauses, turning around to stare his roommate down 'and it's

hard

to be that mad when Dazai is shivering, clutching his jacket a little tighter around his shoulders.

"He's a shitty boyfriend," Dazai mutters, sniffling. "And '" he's cut off with another cough. "I

know

I'm a pretty '" Dazai pauses, his head a little dizzy and unfocused, but he's surprised to find he almost said...

Worthless

.

" '

shitty

guy, but..." he shrugs, another violent shiver hitting him. "I've always been up '" Chuuya crosses his arms over his chest, " 'up

front

about what kind of person I am."

Chuuya's brow knits together. "What, and you think Shirase

isn't? '

"I

think

..." Dazai's slurring a little, his eyes going in and out of focus, and Chuuya 'for the next

several months

is going to blame what he says next on the

fever

'because he couldn't

actually

mean it. "If

I

was dating you, I'd...want everyone to know."

Chuuya's jaw goes

slack

as his eyes shoot open wide, staring him down as he tries to figure out if Dazai is

messing

with him, or if he's just

delirious

.

"You

literally

jumped away from me in an alleyway because you didn't want your friends to see you were kissing a

guy

. '

"Because I didn't..." Dazai slumps back against the bench, his eyes fluttering. "Want them to think..."

"Think

what? '

Chuuya knows arguing with him right now is kind of

pointless

, but he can't help but

push

when he's this confused. "That you think I'm attractive?"

"I never said that I '"

"So you

don't? '

Dazai looks confused and

miserable

. "I'm not gay."

"...I never said that you

were

'"

"But if I

was

," Dazai cuts him off, "you would be my first..." he winces as his migraine

stabs

against his temples, "choice."

Silence sits in the air as Chuuya tries to process that.

It doesn't make any sense.

When they first met? Sure. There was a spark there. Tension. But that's been pretty thoroughly

ruined

since then. With Dazai's own stupid mouth, along with Chuuya being

admittedly

childish in retaliation. Sure, maybe if he takes of his instagram filter of hatred, he can admit Dazai is

hot

, but that doesn't mean '

"But don't take it from me," Dazai yawns as the bus pulls up, swaying as he tries to stand up, only to fall into Chuuya's arms again as he helps him up the steps. "I've never been anyone's boyfriend." He mutters, slumping against Chuuya's side when he manages to get them into their seats "I just know what a shitty one looks like."

What a shitty one looks like.

Those words spin around in Chuuya's head, unfocused.

A

shitty

one.

Is

Shirase a shitty boyfriend?

Because he never seems that shitty when they're together.

He's funny. Caring. He listens. Sure, not in public, but '

Does that make him

bad?

By that standard, does Dazai have any room to talk? He basically did the same thing '

But Dazai isn't really trying to make

himself

seem better by comparison, is he?

Chuuya is almost so lost in thought, he doesn't catch Dazai when he almost topples over onto the bus floor.

And it feels

weird

, when they end up slumped back against the bus seat, Dazai practically sprawled out on top of him 'surprisingly

heavy

, even though it didn't feel that bad when Chuuya was carrying him earlier, breathing hard.

"If

I

was dating you..."

Chuuya frowns.

Stop it

, he tells himself firmly '

don't run down that train of thought. It's not going to get you

anywhere

.

"I would want

everyone

to know about it."

God

damnit.

He's

relieved

for his face mask because

god

, he's so

red

right now, and...

Dazai is

not gay.

Supposedly.

And it 's hard to think that isn 't true after he walked in on Dazai 's...

He wrinkles his nose a little.

...

evening snack.

Ew.

But even so, why should it

matter?

He 's an asshole, he 's never done

one

nice thing for him, so...

Yeah. It doesn 't matter.

Of course, Chuuya's laid back attitude of

not actually caring

doesn't really last once they're

in the hospital

and the doctors are actually looking him over.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" He starts panicking a little when the nurse taking his vitals doesn't

actually

answer him at first. "...Right?"

And then he glances up to see the

monitor

on the cart when they're taking his temperature and...104...that's really high, right?

"...It looks like we're going to have to admit him 'let's get him set up with an IV ' '

...Chuuya didn't actually curse him...did he?

And like, he totally isn't blubbering by Dazai's bedside, praying to whatever deity he can think of to not

actually

make his you-know-what shrivel up and fall off '

He's not an

idiot

.Or

five years old

.

"Oh my god." He moans, his face in his hands.

"You know..." Dazai moans, hovering somewhere between sleep and delirium, '

I'm

..." he coughs sharply, his body shuddering. "...the sick one here..." He mumbles. "So, why are you..."

"I didn't actually..." Chuuya bites his lip. "

Want

you to get sick ' '

Dazai knows he isn't going to

remember

any of this, and he wants to tell himself that the stupid little idiot is being

ridiculous

because

obviously

he didn't actually want Dazai's dick to shrivel up and fall off and '

Wait. That's not gonna happen, right?

Don't be stupid. Fever talking.

The

point

is, Chuuya is an idiotic little brat who may or may not believe in Santa Claus, but unlike 89% of the people Dazai has

ever

met '

Chuuya isn't

mean

.

"You didn't curse me..." Dazai mumbles, slowly drifting off. "You..."

Chuuya is

almost

comforted--and then Dazai

keeps talking.

"Don't have...the..." Dazai was trying to find the word for

'mean spirit'

or

'spite'

or something like that, but that isn't the word that comes out before he passes out, it's '

"Balls."

Chuuya stares at his stupid face when he goes limp, his jaw slack. For one

second

, he thought the guy

wasn't

being a dick...

Wow

.

Odasaku sits up with a start when his phone starts ringing, rubbing his eyes before glancing at the clock.

Not quite six a.m. yet.

Jesus

.

He picks it up, still groggy when he answers. "Hello...?"

"Oda-san? This is Dr. Yamamoto 'you're Dazai Osamu's older brother, correct? You're listed as one of his emergency contacts."

Suddenly, he's

much

more awake, sitting straight up in bed. "Is he in jail?"

"...No, like I said 'I'm a doctor, he's in the hospital. '

"Is he okay?"

"Well '"

He skids into the emergency room a little under two hours later, his hair askew, shirt buttons misaligned, and they explain as they're leading him up.

"It's just..." Odasaku blinks, "the

flu? '

The doctor nods, flipping through Dazai's chart. "People like to think of it as a common illness, but if you let it get far, it can get serious 'with how dehydrated he was, it's a good thing his friend brought him in '"

Odasaku is a little

surprised

to hear that. It's not like Dazai doesn't have

friends

. He does. But in their family's social circle...Relationships tend to be superficial.

Sure, if Dazai woke up and said he wanted to go on a cruise in the south pacific, friends would line up. But taking him to the hospital in the middle of the night? Not really.

But when he walks into the hospital room, his brother isn't

by

himself

.

Sitting in the chair next to the bed, slumped over with a blanket around himself, is...

The last person Odasaku would have

expected

to be here 'the roommate Dazai explained he was an absolute

ass

to 'Chuuya Nakahara.

And that...is interesting.

Odasaku wouldn 't have necessarily expected

this

kid, of all people, to be here. Not after Dazai confessing to essentially, well...It 's just

shocking

. Maybe not that he would

be

here, but that he would

stay

.

'Hey, ' the older man reaches out, carefully jostling Chuuya 's shoulder, making the freshman wake up with a start, his hair slightly lopsided.

'Is he '" Chuuya is glancing around, a little groggy, 'he 's not dead, is he?! '

'... ' Odasaku smiles quizzically, shaking his head. '

No

, he 's not. '

Chuuya is awake enough now to recognize Dazai 's brother, and to realize how

ridiculous

and

concerned

he sounds. 'Oh... ' he trails off, turning red. 'That 's...um...darn... '

Darn?

He winces at his own idiocy, his neck creaking as he sits up. 'I '"

'It 's okay, ' Odasaku shakes his head. 'Just 'thanks for bringing him. '

Chuuya is a little hesitant to take any credit for it at first, because he

did

kind of ignore Dazai at first and he

also

wished a plague upon him, but...he accepts it with a sheepish nod. 'It 's not really a big deal... ' he rubs the back of his neck, straightening up. 'I guess

you've probably got it from here, so..." he yawns, fumbling for his wallet and phone, grabbing them from where they're sitting on top of the small side table next to the recliner.

"Right," Odasaku agrees with ease, positive that Chuuya must be

exhausted

after being up all night. "Well 'here '" he reaches into his pocket to grab him something for taxi fare, but the student shakes his head, waving him off.

"The trains are opening up now anyway, I've got it."

"Are you

sure? '

Odasaku blinks. "After everything you've done, it's the least I can do."

"Nah," Chuuya shakes his head, not wanting to make himself look

insane

by explaining his paranoia driven

guilt

from before, waving him off. "I'd like to think he would've done it for, well '" they both know he

wouldn't

, but Odasaku gets the point.

Chuuya spends most of the walk towards the train station trying

not

to think about what was said before, particularly about

Shirase

, because, well...

Logically,

sure

, there are holes you can poke in Shirase's story. But Chuuya doesn't

want

to. Because he's never

been

with anyone else and he doesn't

want

it to go wrong. And maybe, part of it is that it would force him to confront how he felt about everything

else

Dazai said, or the fact that the only two boy's he's kissed at that point would have both been absolute

assholes

.

Chuuya has

seen

the tropes where girls constantly fall for

trash

guys, over and over, and you just want to grab them by the shoulders and

shake

.

Like...does he just have a shitty

type

, or does he just have a huge sign that says,

'Douchebags, apply here'

or something?

And why is he

already

starting to act like what Dazai said was

automatically

true? When did Shirase stop deserving the benefit of the

doubt

?

It's all really

simple

. Dazai is probably just bitter because as a straight guy (an infinitely easier existence) he still can't manage to have a girlfriend while Chuuya managed to get a boyfriend before they even

started

school which, as a gay guy, a very

green

gay guy, was quite an achievement.

Plus, Dazai was

delirious

with a fever. So, in all likelihood, it didn't mean

anything

.

Right?

Dazai listens with disbelief later when Oda explains that

Chuuya

of all people brought him in, bleary with exhaustion as the nurse comes in to check his temperature again.

"He didn't even let you pay for a cab?"

Oda shrugs, stretching his arms out above his head. "Call me crazy, but I think he's actually really a sweet kid."

Dazai blinks slowly, feeling a ghost pain in his jaw when he remembers how Chuuya almost

broke it.

"Right," he mumbles, exhausted. "A

sweet kid. '

"He could've left you there," Oda shrugs. "Did Dad answer when they called him first?"

Dazai's silence stretches out long enough for Oda to feel

bad

, his lips turning down into a frown. "I didn't mean it like that '" he starts, but his little brother just shakes his head.

"No, you're right." Dazai shrugs, forced to confront the fact that...

He

didn't

answer.

"He was probably at work, anyway." Dazai sighs heavily, looking away from Oda so he doesn't have to see that stupid,

concerned

look on his face. Dazai doesn't need it. Out of all of his siblings, he's had it the easiest. "But I get your point."

They keep him in the hospital for the next twenty-four hours, mostly as a form of monitoring while they wait for his fever to go down, his vitals returning to a normal level.

His father doesn't call, and Dazai can justify that by telling himself he's probably on a 48 hour shift in Yokohama General, but '

His mother sends him to voicemail.

He can hear the dial tone ring

twice

before it's ended with a click, and he tells himself that it's not a big deal--timezones and all 'and that she probably assumes he's just calling to tell her about his day or something silly like that.

Not something important.

So, the fact that she did that wasn't a big deal. It's just normal. And Dazai is used to that.

Sure, does it

suck

a little that Odasaku has to go back to work before he's discharged? Yeah. But he's fine, the fever's down, and he's can take care of himself.

He always has. What he does not expect, when he makes it back to his room--

Is the smell of food.

Kind of unfamiliar, savory...

mouthwatering

smell that almost makes him

hungry

for the first time since he started feeling sick.

"...I swear to god," he starts, already slumping with exhaustion, "if you started another culinary business while I was incapacitated '"

But there's no panini press in sight. As a matter of fact, Chuuya is facing away from him, working on his tablet, headphones in. And when Dazai turns his head, on his own desk...

Is soup.

A small container, slightly fogged up with warmth. He glances from it, to Chuuya, trying to decide if this is a

trick

, or if Chuuya was just sprawling across the room in his absence and he's just going to throw a shit fit when he tries to take a bite.

"Don't make it

weird

. '

Ah

. So, the volume in those headphones isn't turned

on

, huh?

"..." Dazai smiles just a

little

, even though he doesn't really want to, dropping down into his chair heavily. "I didn't say anything."

"Well don't fucking gawk at it like I'm trying to poison you."

"You

aren't? '

"If you don't want it '"

Dazai answers embarrassingly quickly, "I never said that." Chuuya pauses, slowly turning around in his chair, raising an eyebrow, but his roommate doesn't look up, staring down at the soup. "How did you even make this?"

"..." Chuuya wants to blow it off and pretend that he didn't, but here isn't much of a point in

that

. "The hall on Yuan's dorm has a kitchen, she let me in so I could use it."

Dazai wants to ask why Chuuya would go to the

trouble

, because honestly, he barely remembers

anything

after going to bed the night before he went to the hospital...

Well.

"What are you doing?"

Dazai's face heats up a little bit as he remembers the feeling of Chuuya's cheek against his forehead, and he still isn't sure whether or not he

dreamed

that, or...

He doesn't ask.

It's Dazai's first meal, and...

It's good.

Like,

really

fucking good.

Maybe after the panini ring, Dazai should have expected Chuuya to be a decent cook. Okay, maybe he

definitely should have

, but...Sandwiches are supposed to be easy, right? But this...it's warm, filling, flavored with mushroom, onion, and little chunks of beef that just melt in his mouth...

And Odasaku was never kidding when he shrugged it off that he couldn't go out to fancy dinners with their dad, shunted off to eat with his grandmother instead.

Because home cooked 'It really is better.

"What made you want to make me soup?" Dazai eventually asks 'and his tone is so non judgmental, just curious, that Chuuya is

actually

willing to answer.

"...It's what my mom used to make for me when I was sick." He admits, biting his lip. "It's good, right?"

Dazai is hesitant. Not because it's difficult for him to give Chuuya a compliment in this scenario, because it isn't 'he's

genuinely

touched by the gesture 'it's just...

The earnest look in his eye, the way he's biting his lip, the fact that he

genuinely

doesn't like Dazai, and he did this

anyway

, and it's...

Dazai stares into bright blue eyes, more than aware of the terrifying, queasy feeling in his stomach,

terrified

of what it means, his first instinct telling him

no, no, no, please no

, but...

"Yeah," Dazai responds quietly, turning away, swallowing down the feeling of existential dread prickling under his skin. "It's...really good."

He doesn't see the way Chuuya's eyes soften just a

fraction

, and that's a

mercy

, because if he

had

...

"Thanks."

Chuuya is

startled

by how sincere it is, no mocking edge to his voice. And he wonders,

maybe

, if they might...be making progress?