It's weird to think about it now, that the end of their first semester is right around the corner.

For Chuuya, the stress is actually easing off. He doesn't have the same exams that the rest of his friends are studying for--once he finishes submitting his final projects, he's pretty much just wrapping up and waiting to see if his professors want him to make any revisions by the end of the term. Which is a

little

boring, because Tachihara is working double shifts

and

studying his ass off as the holidays get close, and Yuan is busy cramming...

But it turns out, things

come up.

Dazai is bored out of his mind. It's the last day of classes 'he's already looked over his study guides, finished the final readings, and...

He just does not care enough to cram for a subject he doesn't even

enjoy

, so here he is, waiting for exams to start so he can get them out of the way, withdraw from Todai, and put this entire conflicting saga

behind him.

Even if a teeny, tiny voice in the back of his brain is whispering '

Would you never want to see him again?

Dazai doesn't know if this is denial, or self-sabotage.

All he

does

know is that every

single

person in his life that is important to him 'even the

better

ones 'has left at some point or another. Literally, emotionally, or whatever 'they never stick around. And he told himself a

long

time ago, he was

never

going to have a girlfriend, get married, or have a family. Not only because he doesn't know

how

, but simply because he knows just how

viscerally

painful loving someone that much can be. He just can't go through that anymore. So, he distances himself.

Chuuya isn't exempt from those fears. If anything, the fact that Dazai seems to care about him

more

than he normally does makes it even

more

terrifying.

So...maybe if he takes himself out of the equation, if he leaves first, it won't hurt as bad as it did before.

Really, he 's telling himself that

was

working. It really was. And then, life got

way more complicated.

On the day of Dazai's first exam, he gets a phone call. Which isn't necessarily odd, his phone is almost constantly lighting up 'it's the caller ID that catches his eye.

It's his

father

.

For reference: in the last four months, Dazai has received exactly three phone calls from his Dad. One to make sure moving into his dorm went smoothly. Another to update him on his grandfather's health. This is the third.

"..." He answers, lifting the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Osamu," his father sounds

so

relieved, "I've been trying to get a hold of someone for an hour 'it's about your little brother '"

Dazai freezes in place, "Is he alright?"

"He's

fine

, but four emergency surgeries just piled up, and I'm not going to be able to make it to Narita in time to pick him up, and Minako wasn't able to fly with him this time--"

"Did he fly by

himself?"

Dazai is

incredulous

, and his father sounds

more

than a little defensive.

"Just be glad your

mother

is still in Europe, or I wouldn't have been able to fly him home at

all

." His father snaps, "And he was

accompanied

by a flight attendant the entire time, it's perfectly safe '"

"He's

seven

and it was an

international flight

! '

"Could you

please

stop arguing with me and go

pick him up?

Sakunosuke isn't answering."

Dazai glances at his watch. It'll probably take him a little over an hour to make it to the airport and back with Atsushi. His chemistry exam is in an hour and a half.

And while he

would

like to skip it 'there's a stipulation that he has to sit through

all

of his exams for the first semester. Even in this scenario, when it's

his

fault, he doesn't expect his father to make an exception.

"Fine 'text me his gate number." Dazai mutters, turning around, rushing towards the train station. "When does he land?"

"...He's sort of

already

landed."

"You're

kidding

me," Dazai snaps, dodging around other pedestrians on the street.

"You don't have to act like it's some sort of traumatizing thing! '

"He's a grade schooler

by himself

in one of the

busiest airports in the world

and he

definitely

knows his dad forgot to pick him up," Dazai mutters.

"No, he probably just thinks I'm running

late

'"

"He

knows

." Dazai grumbles, jogging down the steps to the station.

Because

he

always knew, growing up, when someone had forgotten about him.

"Well, he'll be

happy to see you

, are you on your way? '

"Yes, I'm in the station now, so I'll probably '" the line goes dead. "...lose you." Dazai mutters, running his fingers through his hair as he waits for the train, trying to put together a

plan

.

Well. He really only has one option. Two options.

He practically leaps over the turnstile, barely managing to swipe his metro card so as not to trip the alarm before he goes flying up the steps, taking them two at a time.

There are two people who could feasibly help him in this scenario.

One of them is Fyodor.

The choice is obvious.

Chuuya is yawning, rubbing a towel through his hair. He's fresh out of the shower, ready to pull on some oversized pajamas and curl up in bed with his tablet for the next few hours while Dazai is in his exam '

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

Chuuya answers, putting the phone on speaker "What's up, bandages?"

"Hey '" Dazai sounds

weird

. Stressed out, breathless 'enough to immediately put the redhead on edge. "I need '" his voice cuts off, and wherever he is, it's

loud

, " 'a

huge

favor."

Chuuya blink, setting his hairbrush aside. Dazai doesn't

ask

for help. Ever. To the point where he almost died from the fucking

flu

. So, Chuuya thinks it's pretty safe to assume that this is

serious

.

"Are you

okay?"

Dazai would be a

huge

liar if he said the immediate concern in Chuuya's voice didn't make his heart skip a beat. "I'm

fine

, I just '" Dazai wiggles through the crowd until he makes it to the correct terminal, " 'are you busy for the next few hours?"

"..." Chuuya glances down at his comfy clothes, his tablet, and his pack of oreos, slightly forlorn. "...Not if it's important. What's up?"

Nakajima Atsushi is pretty much ready to put a wrap on 2020 as the

worst

year of his young life. Losing his mom, moving from house to house, moving to a different

country

, and now, being stuck in a giant, crowded airport, waiting on a bench for almost two hours while waiting for his Dad to come get him.

And Atsushi is

pretty darn sure

that he forgot about him. That, or it's like the kids in his school said, and his family is going to sell him off to a

new

family because of his bad report card at the end of last quarter.

Either way? 2020 is the

worst

.

"Sushi!"

His head whips up at the sound of the familiar voice, clutching his rolling suitcase to his chest as he looks around. "Osamu-nii?"

Then

he's being swooped up off the ground, and '

For the first time in a while, everything feels

okay

.

"I thought ' ' Atsushi chokes, not able to wrap his arms all the way around his big brother, but trying his

hardest

, " 'I thought e 'everyone fo 'forgot about me '! '

Dazai laughs softly,

crushing

the little boy against his chest, "You think I'd ever forget about you?"

"..." Atsushi sniffles, shaking his head, "N 'No," he mumbles, hugging his brother tight as he ends up carried away from the terminal piggy-back style, Dazai holding his suitcase in one hand. "E 'even when the kids at school were s 'saying Daddy was gonna s 'sell me, I knew you'd come get me!"

"Atsushi," Dazai laughs half-heartedly, nuzzling his head back against his little brother's as he carries him down towards the train station, "Dad can't

sell

you, and if he did, I'd buy you back."

"Mmm..." Atsushi leans forward, hugging his arms a little tighter around his big brother's neck. "What if I was really expensive?"

"Doesn't matter how expensive," Dazai shrugs, stopping to get a metro card for him, trying not to seem like he's in a panicked rush, because Atsushi is

already

anxious. "Can't put a price on stinky little brothers."

Atsushi pouts, raising his chin in indignation. "I'm not stinky! I took a bath today! All by myself!"

"Oh yeah," Dazai can't hold back a

tiny

little smile, "that sure does explain a lot '"

"I did a good job!"

"You did, you did," Dazai relents, carrying him towards the train platform, letting out a short sigh as they wait for the next stop. "Listen, Atsushi..."

The little boy stiffens at the tone in Dazai's voice, bracing himself. "...Did I do something bad?"

"What?" Dazai shakes his head, "No, no 'it's just, I have to take a really important test today and it's going to take me a few hours '"

"I have my DS!" Atsushi offers, "And I can be

really

quiet '"

"I know," Dazai pats his leg reassuringly as the train pulls up, walking up to wait for the doors to open, "I know you can, but I'm not allowed to bring you with me, so..." He trails off, knowing this next bit isn't going to go over too well, "You're gonna have to hang out with my friend for a little while."

"...Like a babysitter?" Atsushi asks slowly, his voice going flat.

Dazai's little brother

hates

, like '

hates

strangers.

And given his past experiences,

particularly

with the nannies that their father has hired, Dazai

really

can't blame him.

"I mean, a little '" he admits, knowing that Atsushi's trust is a

very

precious commodity, one not offered easily, so he

never

lies to him, not if he can

help it. "

But

he's a friend of mine, and '" Dazai grits his teeth, knowing it literally might be the end of the world if Atsushi repeats this 'and he's

seven

, so the odds of that are pretty high 'but he also knows he has to

sell this.

"Think of it like getting to spend the afternoon with the coolest, most

beautiful

person in the world. Does

that

sound so bad?"

"..." Atsushi stares down at him suspiciously, and Dazai smiles back at him, honest and innocent as he can be. "...You think he's cool?"

Dazai sighs, knowing he might regret this later, but he's in a

bind

. "...Yeah, Atsushi," he admits sincerely, "I think he's really cool."

Well. If

Osamu

thinks he's cool, then...

He can't be

awful

.

"Is he mean?"

"

No

," Dazai shakes his head emphatically, "he's

really

nice, I promise."

"...Okay," Atsushi relents.

Chuuya has been waiting on the quad for the last twenty minutes, hugging himself tightly to fight off the cold, his breath condensing in the air in front of him.

Babysitting

?

"Hey!" He turns around, his boots almost slipping on the frost lining the sidewalk, only to see his roommate booking it towards him, with an admittedly adorable little grade schooler perched on top of his shoulders, with an asymmetrical silver haircut, along with round cheeks and big amber eyes.

"Here," Dazai comes to a stop in front of, him, boosting his little brother to the ground, breathing hard. "Atsushi, this is my roommate, Nakahara Chuuya 'Chuuya, this is my little brother, Nakajima Atsushi."

Little brother?

Chuuya looks down at the kid, who has immediately moved to hide behind Dazai's legs.

The one who was scared of thunderstorms, huh?

"Look '" Dazai leans in, lowering his voice a little, " 'are you sure you're up for this? Because he's not big on strangers, and I can skip out on the exam if I need to. '

"Your big brother is trying to get out of doing his work..." Chuuya clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, squatting down until he's eye level with the kid (which, Dazai would point out if he was in a better mood, isn't

that

far), "But we can have fun without him for a few hours, right?"

Atsushi bites his lip. He isn't big and scary, like the way he imagined Dazai-nii's college friends. And...

His eyes drift over Chuuya's smile, the little loose pieces of red hair falling in front of his hair from under his hat.

He

looks

nice.

"...Yeah," Atsushi agrees, cautiously stepping out from behind Dazai's legs, taking the redhead's outstretched hand. "Okay!"

Chuuya straightens up, while Dazai is just staring at them both in

shock

. "Besides," Chuuya waves him off, "Babysitting was like, the only adult-y job my Dad let me have in high school, we'll be

fine

."

The fact that Chuuya uses the word

'adult-y'

(which Dazai is pretty sure

definitely

is not a real word) seriously in a sentence does

nothing

to make him feel better about leaving his baby brother in Chuuya's hands for the afternoon, but...

He doesn't have a choice.

"Fine..." He agrees reluctantly, reaching forward to ruffle Atsushi's hair, "Don't give Nakahara-san any trouble, alright? He'll give me an earful later."

The little boy smiles impishly, nodding quickly, "I won't!"

And just like that, they're alone, with Dazai rushing off to make it to his exam at the last minute.

Atsushi is biting his lip, a little unsure, when Chuuya squeezes his hand, reaching up to cover his mouth and yawn again. "You hungry?" He tugs him along, swinging their hands as they walk. "You must be, right? Dazai said you had a pretty long flight."

"..." Atsushi frowns, shy under direct questioning. "Kinda..."

Chuuya nods, because that much was a given. "Well, what do you want? I'll take you anywhere you wanna go."

Atsushi is staring up at him in surprise, because he couldn't

actually

mean that. "...Anywhere?"

"Well," Chuuya amends, "anywhere we can go on the train."

Which is how they end up in the Shinjuku ward, in a pastry shop. The grade schooler's cheeks are puffed out like a chipmunk from how much food he's stuffed in his mouth without swallowing, and Chuuya laughs a little, "Slow down, you're gonna choke! '

"Do they

really

taste just like the ones in Paris?" Atsushi questions, muffled, crumbs falling out of his mouth.

"They're pretty close," Chuuya smiles, reaching for a napkin.

"How do you know?"

"I grew up there," Chuuya explains, helping him wipe the crumbs off his chin.

"But you're Japanese!"

"So are you," Chuuya points out gently, reaching over to take a sip of his tea, "But you live in London, right?"

"Yeah..." Atsushi frowns, swallowing down the rest of his crepes a little too fast, washing them down with his glass of milk. "Did you go to boarding school too?"

"No," Chuuya shakes his head, holding the teacup to help his fingers warm up, "My Dad had his job there for a long time. But we moved back to be closer to family after a little while."

"Oh," Atsushi bobs his head, pretending he gets that, even if he doesn't. "That's cool!"

No one in his family wants to be closer to each other. That's why they send people away and go on vacations and stuff. Because they don't like being around each other. But Chuuya seems

really

nice, so his family is probably nice too, right? So, they must like being together.

"Why don't you drink coffee?" Chuuya blinks, a little surprised as Atsushi nods towards his cup of green tea, "All the grownups I know drink coffee."

"Oh..." Chuuya blinks slowly, lowering his cup. "Is eighteen really a

'grownup?'"

the stare the kid is giving him says

yes

, it is. "Well..." Chuuya shrugs. "Drinking too much caffeine can make me feel a little sick, so I avoid it."

"Really?" Atsushi tilts his head to the side. "Well, I can drink a whole soda and not get hyper. Honest!"

"Yeah?" Chuuya smiles lopsidedly. "Is that a hint that you want me to buy you one?"

Atsushi smiles hopefully.

"Nice try."

"Nakahara-san!" He whines, and Chuuya waves him off.

"You can just call me Chuuya."

He settles their bill before they head out, and eventually they end up back on campus, with Atsushi sprawled out on Dazai's bed while Chuuya sets up a movie for them to watch on his laptop. "How much longer do you think it's gonna take?" Atsushi mumbles, kicking his feet. "It's been a million years!"

It's been an hour and a half, but Chuuya is willing to accept his point. "It usually takes four hours, so he's probably got two and a half to go."

Atsushi pouts, frowning up at the ceiling, "But he always finishes early!"

"Chemistry tests have a lab portion..." He pauses then he sees the confused look in Atsushi's eyes, "Basically...he has to do an experiment! And he can't rush that."

"Oh..." Atsushi trails off sadly. And when Chuuya can see the disappointment all over his face, he turns around, stopping what he's doing.

"You really missed him, huh? Being so far away?" Atsushi nods glumly, and Chuuya's heart goes out to him. "I get how that feels."

"You do?"

Chuuya nods, "My big sister is studying in America right now 'and I miss her all the time."

"..." Atsushi bites his lip, nodding as he pulls his legs up, curling them underneath him. "It's really hard."

"You're being

really

brave about it, though."

Atsushi shakes his head "No...I'm really a big cry baby..." He mutters, wrapping his arms round himself.

Chuuya frowns, sitting up. "Who told you that?" When Atsushi doesn't answer, he presses on, "Was it the other kids at school?"

It would seem so.

"Well," Chuuya rises to his feet. "I'd like to see them ride a plane all by themselves," Chuuya counters, "that was pretty brave of you. I would've been

really

scared."

"You don't like planes?" Atsushi mumbles, and Chuuya shakes his head.

"Or boats. They kinda freak me out." He pokes Atsushi's shoulder gently. "So, you're

really

brave, even compared to grownups." He reaches up, scratching the back of his neck, "And there's nothing wrong with crying either. I cry all the time."

"You don't

look

like you cry all the time." Atsushi mumbles, and Chuuya smiles sheepishly, doing a dramatic little hair toss to set the kid at ease, making him laugh a little.

"It's all the face masks."

"Can I do a face mask?" Atsushi asks eagerly, and Chuuya thinks to over.

"You're a little too young for that..." He trails off, watching the way the boy's face falls with disappointment.

"But..."

He walks over to his desk, opening one of the lower drawers, "I've got another idea." He murmurs, rummaging around. "What's your favorite animal?"

"Huh?" Atsushi sits up, tilting his head to the side, giving the matter some thought. "Oh! Tigers! Like big fluffy white tigers!"

"Big, fluffy white tigers..." Chuuya murmurs, rummaging through his stuff, "Coming right up!"

Which is how they end up sitting together on the floor, Atsushi doing his

very best

to stay still, while Chuuya carefully applies the face paint. "Are you a '" he blinks when Chuuya shushes him softly, two fingers under his chin as he gently moves the brush across Atsushi's cheek, and he works to move his mouth a little less when he talks, " 'are you a painter or something?"

Chuuya smiles a little, wrinkling his nose slightly as he focuses, "Sort of 'but I mostly do digital art."

Atsushi blinks, fighting the urge to itch his cheek as some of the paint dries. "What's that?"

"I use a tablet 'kinda like an iPad 'to make drawings and stuff," Chuuya explains slowly. "It's what I came here to study."

"Oh...What sort of drawings?"

"Well..." Chuuya trails off, "I'm pretty sure my Dad wants me to do something fancy, like making designs for ADs..."

"Like the Coca-cola polar bears?"

"Yeah, like that, but..." Chuuya shrugs, winking at him like it's a secret, "I've always wanted to work with manga. It's kinda nerdy, but..."

Atsushi shakes his head so fast that Chuuya has to yank back his brush before one of the lines on his tiger stripes bets messed up, "No, that's really cool! Like a shounen or something? With ninjas and stuff?"

Chuuya smiles sheepishly. "Uh 'sort of? I haven't ever made one of my own, I just sort of..." he's tilts his head and shrugs, working on Atsushi's nose, "I don't know. I'm not great at coming up with characters and stuff like that."

"I get it," Atsushi frowns glumly. "We had to do a project where we talk about what kind of superhero we would be, and I couldn't do it, so I made one about Osamu-nii instead. I made him

really

cool though! But I didn't get a good grade on it..."

"Well..." Chuuya tilts his head, "If you managed to make

that

dork cool, you deserve a perfect score. But, I think you'd make an

awesome

superhero," he gives it a little more thought, "Like, if you were in

my

manga, I'd make you the main character."

"...Yeah?" Atsushi asks slowly, his eyes lighting up a little. "Like, with cool powers and stuff?"

Chuuya smiles back at him, flipping the paint brush around and poking him right between the eyes gently, making the grade schooler giggle. "

Yep

! I'd..." he gives it a little thought, "I'd make you into a...

weretiger

."

"A

weretiger

?" Atsushi's eyes widen.

"Me?"

"Yeah! Like 'you're normal high school kid by day but by

night

," Chuuya waggles his eyebrows dramatically, picking up a hand mirror from his desk, flipping it around so Atsushi can see his face, "You're a crime fighting big, fluffy white tiger."

Atsushi gasps, eyes going big when he sees himself, and he's only seven, so he can't really appreciate just how

good

Chuuya is, but he

does

know that he looks

really

cool, almost like a real tiger. "How did you do that?!"

"Ahh..." Chuuya

could

go in and explain the color theory and perspective and what not, but that's going to fly over Atsushi's head, so he shrugs, "I just practice a lot."

"Can Dazai-nii be in the manga with me?" Atsushi asks eagerly.

"Sure, he could be your sidekick '"

"I don't wanna have a sidekick!" Atsushi whines, "Those are for grownups! I can be his sidekick!"

"But you're the main character '"

"Fine," Atsushi huffs, "Then he can be like...my senpai! Who teaches me how to be a hero and stuff!"

"Fine..." Chuuya sighs, shaking his head, "Really, what that troublesome guy could have to teach is beyond me '"

And then Atsushi, oblivious to the chaos he's unleashing, adds, "You made me pretty! Like you!"

Chuuya pauses, leaning back with his paint brush, tilting his head to the side. He's wearing an old t-shirt, an oversized cardigan, and pajama pants, with his hair in a messy bun from where he pulled it up that morning after his shower.

He definitely does

not

look pretty right now, particularly with a couple of splotches of paint on his face from where he was working. "...That's sweet of you," Chuuya snorts, ruffling his hair as he starts to put the face paint away, "but I'm not pretty."

Atsushi's lower lip juts out, "Yeah, you are!"

Chuuya isn't sure when Atsushi went from '

hating

strangers' to being his number one fan, but he's

insistent

.

"Well, I'm glad you think so '"

"Everyone thinks so!" Atsushi stands up, his hands on his hips.

And then, he ruins Chuuya's life a little bit.

"Osamu-nii thinks you're the coolest, most beautiful person in the world!" Atsushi grumbles, stomping his foot for emphasis, and Chuuya is just staring like they're living on two different

planets

.

"...Uh-huh."

"He told me so! And he's the smartest person ever, so if he says so, then it's true!"

Atsushi says it with

so much conviction

, that for just a second, Chuuya doesn't know how to respond.

Dazai doesn't think that...right?

Like, he's said it

a million times

, that Chuuya is a stupid, angry little hobbit who missed his perfect career in being cast as an extra on Disney Channel, where he could play short, angsty teenagers to the ends of his days.

Dazai doesn't think he's

cool

. And he definitely doesn't think Chuuya is '

"You're so beautiful with your m '"

His face heats up and his stomach twists with shame because he should

not

be thinking about that right now, in front of Dazai's

baby brother

, when he has a boyfriend, and so many other things to deal with '

"Well--thanks," Chuuya mutters, swallowing hard. "Wanna pick a movie?"

Atsushi bobs his head eagerly. "Yeah!"

Dazai barely manages to drag himself out of his exam, not so much exhausted by the test, so much as the hustle to get Atsushi from the airport and make it back in time, along with the four hour ordeal he had to follow afterwards.

And he's

fully

prepared, after all of that, to walk back to find Atsushi hiding under the bed and hissing, his roommate pissed at him, the whole nine yards '

But he doesn't.

Instead, when he opens up the door to their room, he finds...

A pillow fort, with faint light shining through the blankets, along with what

sounds

like a movie soundtrack 'but other than that, it's quiet.

He's careful not to make a lot of noise as he sets down his backpack and his keys, carefully walking over, pulling one of the blankets up to see what's going on underneath '

And in the back of his mind, he slowly starts to recognize the truth, inconvenient as it may be.

He's doomed. Completely, and

utterly

doomed.

Atsushi is fast asleep, halfway under the blankets and burrowed into Chuuya's chest, while Dazai's roommate has one arm around him, his face smushed up against one of the pillows and he's fast asleep too, with How to Train Your Dragon still playing on his laptop.

Dazai can blame Atsushi's impromptu nap on the jet lag and his age, but Chuuya is sleeping like a

rock

.

And

god

, he's just...

Dazai's heart skips a beat as he reaches over to move the pillow down a little more under Chuuya's head, just so he can sleep a

little

more comfortably, pushing a few stray pieces of hair out of his face.

Chuuya doesn't wake up, but he does

stir

a little, nuzzling into Dazai's touch, and the brunette's fingers jump away nervously.

Oh

fuck

.

Fuck

.

When did that happen?!

How

did that happen?

And really, if it weren't for the fact that his little brother is currently sleeping in Chuuya's arms, Dazai would have bought a ticket to South America and started a new life there, because '

He's

screwed

.

But he doesn't.

As a matter of fact, he ends up underneath the pillow fort

with them

, under the pretenses of cuddling his little brother.

And if his hand just so happens to end up bumping against Chuuya's a couple of times, well 'that's just an unfortunate coincidence.

When Chuuya wakes up, his back is a little sore from lying on the floor, and it's already dark outside. "Crap..." He mutters, sitting up a little, rubbing his eyes.

He's been

so

unbelievably tired lately, and

part

of him knows that he should be paying more attention to it,

but...

He turns his head, nuzzling into the warmth of his pillow. His soft, oddly warm, kinda firm pillow that smells so good, that pillow '

Wait '

He sits up a little more sharply this time, almost knocking his head against the top of his makeshift pillow fort, only to find his roommate staring back up at him with an apologetic look, holding a finger to his lips to stop Chuuya from cursing him out for being

weird

, only to see...

Atsushi is still fast asleep, but now he's shifted from Chuuya's lap, to being halfway wrapped around Dazai like a little octopus, cuddling him in his sleep.

And, well, from Chuuya's position he can tell '

They were

both

cuddling Dazai in their sleep.

God

, he's glad it's dark, because he's so red. "...What time is it?"

"A little after midnight," Dazai whispers back, and that makes sense. Atsushi is eight hours behind them, and they probably fell asleep at around six, so...that's about six hours of sleep 'and given how little he is, there's a chance he'll sleep for a while longer.

"Oh..." Chuuya mumbles, rubbing his eyes, "Well 'he did really good."

Dazai smiles a little, eyeing the little tiger face pressed against his stomach. "I can tell. I'm surprised he sat still long enough for that."

It's weird to think about, because they've been living together for

months

, but Dazai hasn't actually

seen

any of Chuuya's art. But if this is any indication...he's actually...

really

good.

"It washes right off," Chuuya explains, his voice a little rough from sleep as he carefully disentangles himself, wincing as his stomach growls.

Dazai snorts softly under his breath, "I ordered pizza."

Chuuya's mouth waters slightly at the thought, and he has to carry it to the floor microwave down the hall to heat it up, but it's

so good

when his stomach feels like it's about to implode with hunger.

When he makes it back to the room, Dazai has already moved Atsushi, tucking him into his bed, sitting in his desk chair when Chuuya walks back in with a piping hot plate of food.

"I..." Dazai sighs, watching Chuuya sit down. This is

awkward

for him, because he isn't used to being

indebted

to anyone. "Look, I really appreciate '"

"It's fine," Chuuya waves him off, dropping down into his chair with his plate in hand. "Besides, what was I gonna do, say no and let the poor kid fend for himself?"

"I was willing to skip my '"

"No way," Chuuya shrugs, taking a bite, "I'm not enabling you tanking your own career prospects."

"..." Dazai tries to shake himself out of it, tapping his fingers against his arm to keep himself grounded. "Yeah, well, I owe you, so 'if you can think of something that you want '"

"Nah," Chuuya yawns, "I'm good."

That is

baffling

to Dazai. "...You don't want anything?"

"Not really. '

It's weird. Like,

really

weird.

From a young age, Dazai was taught that no one would ever do him a favor without a

reason

, and to always pay his debts out front to avoid owing anyone.

"Well..." Dazai frowns, "Do you want a new tablet or something?"

Chuuya blinks. "I like the one I have, but thanks."

"A new laptop?"

"Don't need one."

"A

phone?"

"Why are you so determined to buy me something?" Chuuya raises an eyebrow. "It was just a few hours of babysitting, and I had fun." He takes another bite of pizza. "But I guess if you want to do something for me," he yawns, still not entirely awake--and honestly, he's about ready to go to sleep for the rest of the night, "you can just not fail out of your exams on purpose."

"..." Dazai tilts his head to the side. "Why do you care?"

"Because not every kid gets a full ride to the top university in Japan, and your attitude is annoying," Chuuya groans. "Honestly, you're such an annoying guy."

Harsh insults coming from anyone else, but on Chuuya, they sound almost...affectionate. "I wasn't even planning on coming back after this semester."

Chuuya freezes, looking over at him in

shock

, but trying to hide the way that those words feel like such a

blow

. "You aren't? Why not?"

Dazai is surprised that Chuuya is so

bothered

by the thought. "I never really wanted to go to college."

"What's your plan for when you leave?"

Dazai thinks it over, "There's a decent chance my father will cut me off 'so I was planning on going to Europe, to stay with my mother. And if that doesn't work out, then I was going to stay with my older brother."

"...But you can't do that forever, can you?"

Dazai sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair, "Probably not. But it's better than getting dragged through medical school and being forced to take over my father's hospital."

"Okay..." Chuuya trails off, because he gets that. The idea of a job like that seems

soul

crushing. "But you don't really seem like the type who could support yourself with some sort of menial job. Like '" he snorts, tilting his head to the side, "I

really

don't think you'd have the patience for retail."

Well. That's probably true.

"

Well

," Dazai shrugs, "I could always just woo some career woman into having me as a house husband, I'd be fine with me."

Chuuya slowly raises an eyebrow, "

You

would be willing to be someone's husband?"

"..." Well, when Chuuya puts it like that, he has a point.

"Isn't college about figuring out what you

want

to do?" Chuuya points out, startling Dazai with the simplicity of the statement, even while it sounds so...true. "What difference does it make if you drop out this year or next year? It gives you time to figure things out."

The conversation putters out at some point after that, but Dazai is

thinking

about it, long into the night, even when Chuuya drags himself back to bed, taking a swig of water before grabbing two bottles from his desk. Dazai has watched Chuuya do this for two months now, once in the morning, once at night 'but he never gave much thought to what they were

for

. Generally, it's not weird for someone to be on medication. His mother is on

several

. It doesn't have to be something serious.

And admitting that he's noticed the lack of color in Chuuya's face lately, or the fact that he's sleeping a

lot

more than usual, that would mean that he was watching Chuuya...

A lot.

Which he does.

But no one else needs to know that.

Especially

not the redhead. And Chuuya has always been relatively better than Dazai when it comes to taking care of himself, so...he tells himself not to worry.

Chuuya, on the other hand, finds himself facing a slightly different problem the next day.

After getting breakfast with Atsushi and Dazai that morning, they went off for Dazai to drop him off at home, while Chuuya decided to surprise his boyfriend by bringing him lunch at work.

But the instant he sees Tachihara's face, he realizes what he did. "...I totally forgot to call yesterday." He mutters, his eyes widening as his stomach sinks.

Michizou shrugs, stepping away from the sales counter as he walks over. "I was pretty worried, yeah."

Chuuya bites his lip, holding his bag a little tighter, "I'm really sorry, my roommate had an emergency '"

Tachihara doesn't look particularly comforted by the mention of Dazai. "What sort of emergency?"

"Oh, he needed someone to babysit his little brother last minute '" That reason seems to make Chuuya's boyfriend relax, at least, " 'I was going to call you once Dazai came to pick him up, but I fell asleep, and..." Chuuya trails off, silently cursing himself.

You need to handle yourself better than this.

It's not something that anyone has ever said to Chuuya, but something he's always saying to himself.

The minute you act like you can't keep up, everyone is going to start noticing.

"Chuuya," Michizou lets out a slow breath, resting a hand on his shoulder, "It's

okay

, hey 'did you bring that for me?"

Chuuya nods, the anxiety in his chest releasing slightly when Michizou reaches out to take it, kissing his cheek as he does, "That was really sweet of you, thanks."

Tachihara is

nice

. He kisses Chuuya in public. He doesn't care who sees.

So, why does Chuuya feel so

bad

?

"Hey, wanna get some dinner later?"

"Yeah," Chuuya agrees, doing everything in his power not to sound halfhearted.

But denial isn't some sort of magic glue that can keep an idea that you

want

to believe in together. It's a weed, and eventually, the cracks begin to show.