Chuuya scrambles out of his arms at around ten in the morning with several apologies and a rushed explanation about body heat.

Dazai is true to his word in the sense that he doesn 't bring it up 'not even once. And their relationship 'which, before, could have been described as combative at best, hostile at worst 'begins to shift.

The first step is when Chuuya buys Dazai breakfast that morning 'a reluctant act of gratitude that the brunette insists isn't necessary.

The next, when Dazai invites Chuuya out with his own friends and

actually

teaches him how to drink 'more than just awkward, rushed tequila shots in a dive bar.

"You don't like it?" The taller boy laughs when Chuuya's face scrunches up, licking beer foam off of his lips. "It's the sweetest thing they have on tap here."

"It tastes '" Chuuya makes this tiny, over dramatic little gagging face that leaves Nikolai

horribly

offended, but Dazai can silently acknowledge that it's

adorable

, " 'like stale bread."

Gogol sniffs, clinging to Fyodor's arm, "You acquire a taste for it!" He protests, looking utterly

insulted

. "But it's made out of

wheat

, so obviously it's going to taste a little like--"

Fyodor shushes him by cramming a handful of pretzels in his mouth, rolling his eyes as his boyfriend chews on them sulkily. "People can have different tastes, love '

relax

'"

But Fyodor

does

notice how indulgent Dazai's gaze is when the redhead isn't looking.

"Is there a guy you like or something?"

"Here, try this one next '"

"Are those feelings going away?"

"Blech '

DAZAI

, why would you

tell me

to drink that?! That was

NASTY

'"

Dazai's answering laughter is enough to tell Chuuya that he's being a

dick

, "I 'wanted to see if you'd spit it out '!"

And he

did

, so Dazai's predictions, as usual, come true.

"That tasted

like actual garbage! '

"You can say

shit

, you know." Dazai smirks, leaning his chin on his hand. Chuuya notices how

close

their faces are and his eyes widen slightly in annoyance and

embarrassment

as he leans away.

"I

know

. ' He mutters, squirming, and Dazai leans closer.

"It's okay, we can sound it out, 'shhhh '"

Chuuya's eyes narrow into a glare, even if he's maroon. "Shhhhut

up

. '

They still

bicker

.

All the time.

"Chuuya!" Dazai whines, hanging upside down from the side of his bed with annoyance. "Yuan said I could try one!"

"Face mask Fridays are

our thing

, asshole!"

"But!"

"No

buts! '

Chuuya glares, crossing his arms over his chest as he tries to return to his

zen

, his hair pulled up in a bun with one of Yuan's fuzzy green scrunchies, a blue sheet mask in place while his friend paints his toenails. "Besides, just because she's

single

now doesn't mean I'm gonna let the first creep that's interested mess around with our

routine! '

"If I was

interested

I would be doing something a little more manly than asking to do a face mask with her!" Dazai groans.

"You mean you're

not

interested?" Yuan lifts her head, pretending to look

very

hurt, "Am I ugly or something? I thought you were into anyone with tits and a can do attitude ' '

Dazai opens his mouth to argue about how

offensive

that is, but '

He has absolutely no room to make any sort of a defense, because that's...pretty true.

"You're

gorgeous

," Dazai contradicts her, fixing her with this

charming

, dazzling smile that's all white teeth and dimples like he's in some fucking

toothpaste

commercial, and Chuuya wants to knock

all of his teeth out

. "But I don't want to make the chibi mad at me ' '

"Well," Yuan looks slightly more mollified by that, her cheeks pleasantly flushed at the compliment, "as long as you think I'm gorgeous ' '

"Besides," Dazai yawns, his hair hanging away from where it usually falls across his forehead, making him

actually

look like a teenager. Like. Weirdly innocent, even if Chuuya knows that he's an actual

gremlin

. "I've never tried moisturizers or skin care before, so '"

"Wait." Yuan freezes, staring at Dazai's smooth, relatively unblemished complexion with horror. "You

haven't?! '

Dazai tilts his head. "No?"

"That's '" Yuan moans, wiping her hands down her face, fingernails digging into her cheeks slightly with frustration, " 'that's

so unfair! '

"Exactly, so don't give him one! '

"Now I just wanna see if you can improve

perfection '"

"

Yuan

! Whose side are you

on?! '

Which is how Dazai ends up wiggled in between them, one arm dangling behind each of them, wearing his own sheet mask as they watch

'Mean Girls'

on Chuuya's laptop.

"Yuu-chan, could you give me some popcorn? My arms are stuck."

And of course Chuuya's friend seems

delighted

to cuddle into Dazai's

big

,

manly

'

insert eye roll here

'shoulders while she feeds him pieces of popcorn, and all Chuuya is interested in doing is watching the movie and forgetting that Dazai

has

biceps to begin with because that just

fucking figures.

"Chuuya-ch '"

"Wanna try that again?"

"...Chuuya?"

"Yes?"

"Could you maybe possibly give me a sip of water?"

"..."

"And I've gotta point out, before you dump the bottle on me or something, it's a small bed and till get all over you and Yuan too."

Chuuya

glares

, but he lifts up Dazai's drink.

Within a couple of weeks, both of the boys have what they would define as, weirdly enough, well '

They're

friends

.

Which is weird for Dazai, because he's had plenty of

friends

before, but not one who calls to check up on him when it gets too late to make sure he isn't

dead in a ditch

somewhere.

It's bizarre, because other than Odasaku, no one has ever really checked in on Dazai like that.

Or, sometimes, they'll be eating lunch together in the campus commons and Dazai's eyes will drift over to a group of girls, and Chuuya will shake his head, leaning back in his seat as he sips his boba. "Not that one."

Dazai turns to raise an eyebrow at his roommate, one arm thrown over the back of his chair, "Oh? Why not?"

"She looks nice," Chuuya yawns, pulling one leg up underneath him. "You'd definitely make her cry."

And Chuuya isn't the only one...

curating

the girls Dazai goes out with.

"What's wrong with that one?" Chuuya frowns, glaring as Dazai swipes left on

another

tinder profile on Chuuya's phone. "He looked nice!"

"And he was also six feet all."

"So?!"

"Too tall for you."

"Too

tall?! '

Chuuya rolls his eyes. '

You're

that tall and I could take you '"

"Nah," Dazai shakes his head with a yawn, "maybe in a straight up battle of strength, but I'm pretty wily. Which reminds me '" he raises an eyebrow at Chuuya. "I've been wondering about something. '

"I would

totally

beat your ass ' ' Chuuya glares, and Dazai smiles in a way that tells Chuuya he knows something that the redhead doesn't, which happens a

lot

and it's

annoying

. " 'but

what? '

"Well," Dazai leans back, toying with one of his earrings absentmindedly. "When we moved into the dorm room, after you hit me ' '

"More proof that I could beat the

shit

out of you '"

"Good job, you're getting better at that one 'but I didn't fight back, remember?"

Chuuya

sulks

.

"Why did you say Shirase was taller than me?"

Record scratch.

"I ' ' Chuuya's face is getting redder and redder by the second as he fumbles for a totally normal, not embarrassing explanation. "I was mad at you?"

Dazai slowly raises one eyebrow. "...So, you decided saying a guy was taller than me was vengeance?"

"..." Chuuya looks away sharply.

"..." A slow smile spreads across Dazai's face. "Were you trying to make me jealous?"

'

Why

would I try to make you jealous?!" Chuuya snaps, his voice cracking a little with indignation. "It wouldn't work, and I wouldn't get anything out of it '"

"I can think of a few things. '

"What? Like me slapping you again?"

Dazai doesn't look particularly phased, "I think you just

like

slapping me."

"I think you

like

getting slapped," Chuuya mutters, resting one hand on his hip, and his heart is

pounding

, blood rushing in his ears.

And Dazai

smirks

. 'By your little bitty hands?" Dazai muses, picking up one of Chuuya's wrists, displaying

just how long

his own fingers are in comparison. "It's

kinda

fun '"

SMACK

!

Dazai's head whips to the side while Chuuya clutches his hand to his chest, and his face matches his

hair

.

"Okay," Dazai snorts, rubbing the reddening spot on his cheek, "It's

definitely

kinda fun '"

"Are you one of those

masochists?! '

Chuuya glares, "Because I really don't '"

"Actually, I'm a sadist 'but that's beside the point '" he pauses when he notices Chuuya

gawking

. "...Why are you staring at me like I just kicked a puppy?"

"You like

torturing people? '

Chuuya lowers his voice, like he's confessing to some sort of criminal act, and Dazai stares at him for a long moment.

"...Chuuya..." The redhead's expression doesn't change. "You..." Dazai stares at him like the smaller teen is living on a different

planet

. "...You do realize sadomasochism is a

sex

thing, right?"

Chuuya's jaw

drops

. "Wh 'people 'get

off

on that?!"

"What exactly do you think they're

doing? '

"I don't know 'like 'whipping?!"

"I ' ' Dazai's face falls forward into his hand and his shoulders are

shaking

, '

Chuuya

, I '"

"Are you making fun of me?!"

'

No

, I '" Dazai has

tears

in his eyes, trying to fight back laughter, " 'I 'm

really

trying not to, you have no idea how hard that is for me ' '

"What because you're

awful?!"

'

Yes! '

Dazai practically

whimpers

, fighting

every urge

in his evil little brain to convince Chuuya that BDSM is all just some secret cult for serial killers 'but they've come

so far

and Dazai doesn't want to

ruin it

. "Okay 'how much did you and

Shit-ase '"

" 'that's a

dumb

nickname '"

" '

Shirase

talk about before?"

Chuuya pauses, staring at Dazai with wide eyes, "You mean like 'about sex? I 'why does that matter?"

"Did you ever watch any porn with him?" Chuuya's silence seems to indicate

no

. "...Have you ever watched any porn before?"

"Why are you asking me that?!" Chuuya snaps, feeling

absolutely mortified

.

"Well 'because porn '" Dazai frowns, trying to explain. "It's like, you start out with basic stuff, but most sites, the suggestion algorithms are going to bring out more and more

out there

stuff, so if you

were

watching porn, even if you weren't into that sort of thing, you'd be aware of it '"

"What, are you a

porn connoisseur

or something?!" Chuuya crosses his arms over his chest, wishing he could shrink into a tiny ball and

die

.

"I guess?" Dazai shrugs. "I mean 'I didn't think so before, but compared to you, I guess so. Wait '" he pauses and gives Chuuya a prying look. "If you don't watch it, how do you jack off?"

"Don't call it that!" Chuuya whines, pulling his hoodie over his head.

"...What do

you

call it?"

"Personal time!" Chuuya pulls the drawstrings on his hoodie tight to hide his face. "Whatever 'just 'I use my imagination, okay?!"

"Is it that embarrassing for you?" Dazai asks, raising an eyebrow. Talking to another guy about masturbation 'it's pretty normal. Even back in high school, it always seemed like a pretty normal thing to do 'and they're friends, so 'it's normal, right?

"I'm not that good at it," Chuuya mumbles, grateful to be hidden from sight, "or any of that stuff '"

"Stuff." Dazai frowns. "Like 'sex stuff in general?"

"...Yeah."

Dazai doubts it. For someone like Shirase to be with him for months 'well....

Chuuya is on the

prettier

side for a guy, and he

does

have a nice body 'but that wouldn't be enough for Shirase to put in the effort of going through the motions of a relationship.

Meaning that Chuuya probably did better than he

thinks

, at the very least.

"...How far did you and Shirase get, exactly?" Dazai asks slowly, knowing he isn't going to

like

the answer but

hell

, he can't help himself.

"...Oral, mostly." Chuuya mutters. "We did

try

going a little further once, but...I had to make him stop. It hurt too much. And he wasn 't willing to try it the other way around, so '"

'...It

hurt? '

Dazai whips his head around to stare, and for a second he forgets to hide the anger from his voice, 'Why did it hurt?! '

Chuuya shrinks. 'I already

told

you, I suck at it 'okay? That's probably why he was sleeping with Yuan on the side to begin with '" Not true, because he started talking to them at the

same time

. But he isn't expecting how

stern

Dazai sounds.

"Don't

ever

say that. Look 'it's not about being

'good'

or

'bad'

, I '" Dazai pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to be serious for a minute, okay?"

Chuuya peeks out from his sweatshirt, a little surprised but, like always, a little

happy

for some weird reason that Dazai is willing to be serious around him at all. "...What?"

Dazai takes a deep breath. "With any guy that you're with 'if you're going to let them touch you like

that

, then 'it's

their

job to make

you

feel good, alright? Not the other way around. So," he tries to think of it like he's talking to his

little brother

or

something. Like, how he would want

Atsushi

to be treated like, 12 years from now 'if he even

likes

guys at that point, Dazai doesn't know 'and it's ridiculous, because Chuuya is actually two months

older

, but it doesn't

feel

like it '

Dazai steadies himself. He 's just like a stupid, naive, kinda cute, vulnerable little brother.

"So, if any guy tries to blame it on

you

if it doesn't feel good 'he's lying, a dick, or just

really

bad in bed. Did he even use lube?"

Chuuya blinks. "Uh 'I'm not a

car

engine or something '"

"...I'm sorry,

what? '

Dazai blinks rapidly, trying to put that together, "Chuuya, know 'that's not '" then he notices the way Chuuya is staring at him in utter

confusion

, and he sighs. "You're supposed to use lubricant for pretty much

any

kind of sex, but 'anal isn't

supposed

to hurt '"

"And why would

you

know so much about anal?" Chuuya frowns, "It's not exactly like you've ever '"

Dazai rolls his eyes, "Believe it or not, there are

plenty

of girls who like it up the ass, Chuuya."

"...That's a

thing?! '

Chuuya asks, utterly incredulous, and Dazai presses on.

"Honestly, it would probably be easier to make anal feel good for a guy than it would for a girl '"

"...Why?"

Dazai stares at him like they're speaking two different languages. "Well 'because of ' ' And for once, even

he

looks a little embarrassed. ' 'your prostate?"

"...I..." Chuuya pauses, trying to think back on

one

sex ed class he had in high school, which honestly wasn't

super

informative, because it was mostly focused on avoiding teen pregnancy and Chuuya's response had been,

'I'm pretty sure my own gag reflex is enough to stop me from

ever

getting that far with a girl.'

Because, you know, he

was

the kid who puked during

'Blue is the Warmest Color.'

But the point here is 'he doesn't remember

anything

about the prostate.

Like, he knows it's

there

. He just assumed it had something to do with being able to have

kids

or something.

"...What does that have to do with anal?"

Dazai stares at him for a long moment, before he drops his face back into his hands. "Give me a sec."

"Why?!"

"I just need a minute."

"Why would you '"

"It's like giving sex ed to

Bambi

, okay?! '

"BAMBI?!" Chuuya screeches, yanking his hoodie down, "Who are you, my Dad?!"

"I don't know, maybe he was onto something with the homeschooling '"

"The homeschooling is

why

I'm like this, okay?! I don't

like

not knowing anything, or 'or being an

idiot

'"

"You're

not ' '

"I

am!"

Chuuya grumbles, pressing his face into his hands. "It's like 'I feel like everyone else is at level 15 or something, and I'm stuck on level 1 '"

"Life isn't an RPG or something, you

dork '"

"I

know

, but..." Chuuya slumps over. "I'm tired of playing catch up with

people

my own age. '

"..."

Don't do it.

"Well..."

It's a mistake.

"If you..." Dazai looks away, rubbing the back of his neck.

Abort. Don't. Do

not

.

"Do you want..." Dazai trails off, convincing himself

not

to ask, but '

"Want what?"

"...Help?"

They stare at each other.

"Do I want help...with..." Chuuya asks slowly, trying to put it together. "...Sex?"

Then his face turns

completely red.

"Are you saying you want to '?!"

"No!" Dazai responds instinctively, "I just, I meant '" he looks away and sighs. "Enough that you don't feel...clueless."

"...Why would you even be

willing

to do that?" Chuuya frowns, shrinking away, somewhat insecure after what the past two months have been like. "It would be...gross for you, wouldn't it?"

When Dazai pictures Chuuya in his bed, he feels the

opposite

of gross, but...

"Look..." Dazai sighs heavily, because he hasn't said it

out loud

before, not yet. But now seems like a pretty good time to

try

. "I

am

bi, so..." He doesn't miss the way Chuuya noticeably stiffens, "It's not going to be

gross

for me, or whatever. But if you want to wait and do it with someone special, I get it, that's normal '"

"...You're bi?" Chuuya asks slowly, turning to stare at Dazai. "But you said '"

"I was figuring a lot of stuff out," Dazai glances away. "And I didn't handle it well. But I am."

"..." Chuuya lets out a shaky breath.

"Oh. '

"But like I said, if you want it to be special '" Because Dazai assumes that's what Chuuya

would

want 'he's always been a stupid little romantic '

"No," Chuuya cuts him off, shaking his head. "After Shirase..." He sighs, looking down at his cup of boba. "I think I might feel better if it

was

with a friend." Both of them pause, because it's the first time either of them have

acknowledged

their newfound friendship, but...it feels nice. "And it's not like either one of us feel that way about each other, so...it's less stressful."

"Right." Dazai agrees a little too quickly, "It might be awkward if there was a risk of you falling for me or something 'so I guess, in the end, it's a

good

thing I was such dick when we met '

ow!"

He winces when Chuuya punches him in the arm.

"Stop being an

idiot. '

They form a plan.

The first step is simple: ground rules.

They aren 't going to have

actual

sex, because, In Chuuya 's words, that might make things '

weird

. '

And now they 're sitting on opposite sides of the room, with Chuuya freshly showered and buried under his comforter, discussing details.

'Do you want me to kiss you, or is that off limits? '

Chuuya 's heart thuds anxiously still the thought, because kissing Dazai is a drunken memory that he enjoys a

little too much.

'Not on the mouth. '

'But other places are fine? '

Chuuya isn 't really sure why he would, but he nods stiffly.

'And I can 't believe I 'm suggesting this, ' Dazai sighs heavily, 'But I think you need a safe word. '

Chuuya pokes his head out, like a meerkat coming out of its den. 'A

what? '

'You 're probably going to get

really

embarrassed, so 'it 'll help me know if you

actually

need me to stop. '

'...Okay, ' Chuuya frowns, 'But what

is

it? '

'Just a random word you can use that will tell me you want me to stop, immediately. ' Dazai hasn 't had to use it outside of a scene before but

hey

, this is a

unique

scenario.

'What about...Beyonc '? '

Dazai resists the urge to face palm, and he has to remind himself that Chuuya is his age, before he starts to feel like he 's corrupting an actual

kid

' 'Maybe a word that sounds little more serious? Like something that wouldn 't break the mood? '

'Oh... ' Chuuya frowns, thinking

'What about Yemen? ' Chuuya offers, his tone completely somber.

'...

What? '

'The war going on there right now is really sad! That wouldn 't make you laugh ' '

'Oh my god. ' Dazai 's face sinks into his hands, because Chuuya is being

completely

serious.

'What? '

'Okay, you know what? We 'll just go with red. That 's basic enough. ' Dazai mutters, 'Does that work for you? '

Chuuya nods slowly, sitting up a little more. 'So...are we gonna do it right now? '

Dazai raises an eyebrow, 'Did you wanna make an appointment for Sunday at 3 instead? '

Chuuya reddens. 'Don 't be an

ass

. ' He grumbles, watching as Dazai slips out of his own bed.

'You might think otherwise, ' Dazai shrugs, 'but that was a sincere question on my part. '

He starts tugging his sweatshirt over his head, the action making his t-shirt ride up underneath, revealing the sharp lines of his hip bones, a surprisingly

toned

stomach, and...Chuuya tries not to audibly gulp at the sight of his v-line, but he does.

'Wait 'are

you

getting undressed? '

Dazai pauses, staring at him like he 's grown a second head. 'Why would I need to be naked? '

Chuuya recoils, and his face feels so hot, it 's almost like he 's going to

die

. 'You 're the one stripping ' '

'Because, ' Dazai gestures to his short sleeved shirt, leaving his arms bare other than the bandages around his wrists and forearms, 'It 's easier to

maneuver? '

Oh. Well. That makes sense.

'Oh. ' Chuuya mutters, feeling a little awkward as he sits up against his headboard, pulling his knees up against his chest. 'Okay. '

Dazai pauses from beside his bed. 'Do you

want

me to get naked? '

'No! '

Chuuya whips his head to look away. 'Why would I want that?! '

Dazai rolls his eyes, 'I don 't know, I mean 'I am about to get up close and personal with your ass, so if you wanted me to, I would get it '"

'Oh my god

don 't

say it like that '! '

Chuuya half shrieks, forcing himself to keep his voice down so Kunikida won 't think they 're fighting again and storm in.

They 've already taken precautions on that front by locking the door and turning on the stereo, but you never know.

'Look, I 'm just saying if it makes you more comfortable, I can '"

'Fine! ' Chuuya snaps, 'Just 'take your shirt off, I guess. '

'Do you want me to do it, or do you want to do it yourself? '

'Why '" Chuuya is already on the verge of having a

stroke

, ' 'would

I

do it '"

'Well, ' Dazai shrugs, 'I 'm not sure if you want this to feel natural, or just strictly like an instructional experience '"

'Strictly instructional! '

Chuuya snaps, still not looking at him, and that 's a relief, because he can 't see Dazai 's endeared smile as he reaches for the hem of his shirt.

'Yes sir. ' He crosses his arms over his chest after he tosses it aside, glancing Chuuya over. 'Do you want me to do this while you 're in the fetal position, or...? '

Chuuya wrenches his legs down, slowly moving down like an inch worm until he 's lying flat on his mattress, mortified and glaring at the ceiling.

'Okay '" Dazai takes a deep breath. 'Please stop acting like you 're about to lay back and think of England or something, it 's really starting to make me feel like a creepy old man. '

'I don 't know what I 'm

supposed

to do, okay?! ' Chuuya grumbles, 'With Shirase all I had to do was just get on my knees and get started, and this just feels really

awkward

' '

He stops talking when Dazai 's knee sinks into the mattress, his mouth snapping shut as the other boy leans over him, and their faces are so

close

, Chuuya can smell his body wash, and it makes his head

spin

.

It 's a little awkward for Dazai to navigate when he can 't

kiss

him which would be his first tool in getting Chuuya to

relax

, but...

You use the tools at your disposal, Dazai

said

he was going to do this, and he isn 't a quitter. So, he buries his face in the side of Chuuya 's neck, his lips brushing over his pulse point.

Chuuya 's entire body stiffens up for a moment, his hands turning onto claws in the sheets underneath him, and his heart is

pounding

, Dazai can feel it under his lips, and when his tongue darts out to suck at Chuuya 's pulse, the redhead

shudders

.

'Just reminding you '" Dazai sounds so

easy going

, it almost pisses Chuuya off, because

he

wants it to feel that Easy for him, but all he can think about is not whining at how...g

ood

it feels.

Like...

really

good.

Oh

no

.

Dazai keeps going, his lips reaching the hollow of Chuuya 's throat, 'If the word

'

Beyonc '

comes out of your mouth at any point during this encounter, then I 'm

out. '

It achieves its desired effect, that being Chuuya

laughing

as one of Dazai 's hands slips up and under his shirt, his palm pressing flat against his stomach. 'T 'then it 's actually a pretty good safe word, right? '

'A safe word is supposed to be like hitting the brakes, not a kill switch. ' Dazai mutters, nails scraping lightly across Chuuya 's stomach as he pushes his shirt higher, up over his ribs.

'You don 't think she 's sexy? '

'I mean '" Dazai rolls his eyes, 'She obviously is, but it 's just a reminder of the fact that you 're basically an innocent, fluffy little kitten, and then I feel like some sort of creepy pervert '"

'I am

not! '

Chuuya complaints, tilting his head to the side and biting his lip when Dazai 's teeth scrape against his shoulder, lifting his shoulders up a little to help as Dazai eases his shirt the rest of the way off, and it's when the cool air hits his chest and stomach that he starts to feel a little

vulnerable

, but '

Dazai keeps talking, his lips reattaching over Chuuya's collarbone. "You know, some people actually

like

being called kitten, in this sort of situation..." Dazai hums, unable to stop himself from leaving a noticeable mark on Chuuya's clavicle before moving on. "Or baby, princess, sweetheart, whatever '"

Every single name thrown out as an added nail to the coffin, because Chuuya knows Dazai isn't calling him

those

things but now he's

imagining

it and he's already a

little

hard and squirming because of it.

And then, they reach a crossroads.

Dazai's tongue flicks over Chuuya's nipple, making the redhead let out a strangled gasp, turning his face into the pillow as his body shudders, because '

Even if it was

just

the feeling of Dazai's mouth wrapping around him and

sucking

, Chuuya would be overwhelmed. But when you add in the

tongue

piercing, the hot, wet feeling of Dazai's tongue sliding over his skin, paired with the hard texture of the metal ball flicking against him '

It's a

lot

, to the point where Chuuya's back is arching up off the bed, one hand is thrown over his mouth, and he's biting into his palm in an effort not to

cry out

.

Dazai, for his part, is going through the quiet realization that almost every bisexual goes through at some point or another, and it usually hits at different points, but '

This is

really

different.

And part of that is almost definitely due to the fact that Dazai tends to

linger

on a girl's breasts quite a bit, but '

He's surprised by how much he

likes

the feeling of Chuuya's body under his hands 'even if it isn't as soft, or as giving. The way he can actually

feel

the muscle in Chuuya's chest tensing and shivering under his mouth 'it's...

nice

.

Nicer than maybe he wants to

admit

, not because of this shaky, very

new

side of his sexuality, but because...

He's fairly sure that a big part of it isn't about Chuuya's gender, but just...Chuuya in

general

.

And what, exactly, is Dazai supposed to do about that?

You would think, in a moment like this, Dazai would try to make things easier for himself. But

no

.

"You know..." He mutters, pulling off of one nipple before switching to the other, his free hand drawing invisible patterns in the spaces between Chuuya's ribs, "If you need to, you

can

hold onto me '" Dazai murmurs, scraping the sensitive nub with his teeth, eyeing the way Chuuya's hands are practically tearing at the mattress.

"Why are you '" Chuuya grits his teeth, his chin tilting back as he lets out a

really

embarrassing cry when Dazai's piercing flicks over his nipple

again

, " 'going through all of the trouble '"

"Because," Dazai lifts his chin, reaching over to grab one of Chuuya's hands, bringing it to rest on his shoulder, "it might come as a shock, but this is going to be a lot easier if you're

enjoying

it."

Chuuya's fingers immediately tighten as Dazai starts pressing kisses over his shoulder blades, trailing lower, and when his fingernails dig in, his heart starts beating even

faster

, because '

He looks

down

.

And from his angle, he can see the muscles in Dazai's back and shoulders flexing as he shifts from straddling Chuuya to sliding down between his legs, and the

vulnerability

that imposes on him makes his fingers dig in even

more

, his other hand flying up to tangle in Dazai's hair when he nips at the skin just beneath Chuuya' navel.

And

god

, he's

hot

, okay?

Stupidly

hot, from the tall, broad, but lean frame 'to the messy hair, to the piercings, to the wicked smile, it all seems like this horrible package wrapped in hormones, designed to make Chuuya

confused

and

turned on

and '

Dazai isn't faring

that

much better, because the feeling of Chuuya's fingers tugging at his hair, the

noises

he's making '

God

, Dazai has to stop for a moment, pressing his face into Chuuya's hipbone as he catches his breath, silently cursing the tightness in his jeans.

This was a bad idea.

That's what he's telling himself when he works the button of Chuuya's jeans open, tugging down the zipper.

Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea.

And maybe if he had just agreed to give Chuuya a blowjob or something, this wouldn't have been

such

a miscalculation. But

no

.

He offered to teach Chuuya about

anal preparatio

n with the full knowledge that he wasn't actually going to get to

fuck

him, and at the time he had been bolstered by an arrogant sense of denial, like

'Sure, that's fine, why would I

want

to?'

But now they're here. With Dazai working Chuuya's jeans down over his thighs, feeling the surprisingly

soft

, toned skin underneath, and...

He

wants

it.

Badly.

Oh

dammit

.

"You '" Dazai squeezes his eyes shut for a second, "You said that you got to this point with Shirase, right?"

Chuuya blinks slowly, his eyes struggling to adjust to the florescent lighting when he forces them to open again. "Um..." he swallows hard, trying to force himself to think

coherently

, "He 'yeah?"

Coherent sentences aren't his friend right now.

What Dazai is doing and what Shirase did are two

very

different things.

Shirase would usually bask in his own climax for around a minute or two before pushing Chuuya onto his back, pulling his pants down, and getting to it 'and that wasn't

bad

.

It just wasn't really romantic, and it was kind of messy, and...

Generally Chuuya had to close his eyes and

focus

on getting off, to the point where he would usually just touch himself

later

when he was alone in order to feel...satisfied.

Shirase

definitely

didn't kiss his thighs the way Dazai is now, sucking small bruises in until Chuuya is a squirming, panting

mess

. He didn't reach up to squeeze Chuuya's hand to make sure he was okay 'or pause at certain points to give Chuuya the chance to ask him to stop '

And it leaves Chuuya wondering if Dazai is just

really

good, or if Shirase was just

really

bad.

Either way, Chuuya feels like he's slowly losing his

mind

, struggling to breathe when Dazai's teeth scrape against the inside of his knee 'and he can't help but notice that for someone being

'educational

,' Dazai is leaving a

lot

of hickeys along Chuuya's body.

Finally, when they're at the point of taking off Chuuya's boxers and the redhead is very

obviously

hard, Dazai stops, reminding himself of why they're actually here.

"Alright," he takes a shaky breath that sounds

steady

to Chuuya, even if it really isn't. "Do you want to do this on your back, or your stomach?"

Chuuya blinks slowly, his arms covered in goosebumps as he tries to process that question. "Does '" he

shivers

whenever he feels Dazai's hair brushing against his thighs, trying to contemplate how he even ended up in this situation. "Does it make a big difference either way?"

Dazai considers that. "I guess it just depends on whether or not you want to be able to look at me while I'm doing it."

Chuuya's instinctive reaction is

no

absolutely

not

,

'Turn me over

right now

that sounds so embarrassing I'll

die

'

, but '

Then he actually contemplates the possibility of not seeing it

coming

, and when he remembers the fact that Shirase didn't know Chuuya wanted him to stop until Chuuya

literally

head butted him because he couldn't see the look on his

face

, well '

"...Like this is fine." Dazai nods, tugging down Chuuya's boxers, and Chuuya turns his face up towards the ceiling, biting his lip

hard

, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He's never had a lot of '

body image issues'

or anything, but 'having Dazai's face

right there

is still unnerving.

"First, I want to set some expectations," Dazai mutters, trying not to look

too

hard at Chuuya's cock or think too much about the fact that he kind of...sort of...

Really

wants it in his mouth?

But he's not thinking about that.

Instead, he reaches for the lube bottle in his jeans, his tone taking on a slightly less

sexy

and a slightly more

serious

angle, like he's a ride operator at a theme park instead of someone about to get

very intim

ate with a boy that he's harboring a

lot

of complicated emotions for.

"It's going to burn, but if it

stings

, you need to tell me 'as

soon

as it starts."

Chuuya frowns. He's always had a decent pain tolerance, "I can handle a little '"

"I believe it, but '" Dazai sighs, leaning his cheek against Chuuya's thigh so he doesn't have to keep craning his neck, unaware of the fact that it sends Chuuya's heart into

orbit

, " 'if I end up tearing you, then this isn't going to be very educational and we've already been to the ER together

once

this semester."

"

Tearing

me?" Chuuya asks slowly, feeling a little horrified at the thought. "Wait 'I thought 'only

girls

had that problem '"

"It's not a

problem

it's a

hymen

and that's actually a

really

unhelpful stereotype, girls aren't supposed to bleed during sex either '" Dazai explains, uncapping the bottle.

"Wait 'you aren't supposed to bleed

at all? '

"...Excuse me?"

Chuuya pauses, not sure if he's said something

wrong

when he sees that Dazai looks upset '

Well, no. Upset implies that it's just some vague amount of distress, but '

Dazai looks

pissed

.

"When Shirase '" Dazai grits his teeth, struggling not to

snarl

because Chuuya is

clearly already

pretty vulnerable

and not in the right state to understand that Dazai isn't upset because of

him

. "When you two had to

stop

'did you 'were you '

bleeding? '

"...A little?" Chuuya frowns, wincing just a

little

at the memory. "But it really wasn't that bad or anything 'and he stopped, so '"

"For future reference," Dazai mutters, his fingers digging into Chuuya's leg a little more than he means for them to, "the fact that he didn't assault you is the bare minimum, it doesn't make him sound

any better.

It 'wait '"

"What? '

"Was he trying to

finger

you, or was it his entire...?"

Chuuya continues glaring at the ceiling. "I'm sure you can guess, and I was a consenting adult, and it sucked but you fixating on it

isn't helping

, alright?!"

Wow.

Jesus

fucking Christ.

"...

Alright. '

Dazai agrees through clenched teeth. "But if it starts to hurt at

all

, you're going to tell me, right?" Chuuya doesn't answer at first, and Dazai's tone hardens, "If I start to think that it

is

and you didn't say anything, I'll stop the whole thing."

"Fine. '

Dazai lets out a sigh of relief, lathering up his fingers. Honestly, he's glad Chuuya wanted to shower

before

, because he's pretty sure if he pulled out a latex glove right now, snapping it on dramatically like he's about to give a prostate exam, Chuuya would have had a

conniption

.

"And, even if it

doesn't

hurt, you might not like it." Dazai cautions, warming the lubricant up against his skin.

"...I thought you said the prostate made it

easier

for guys to like it or whatever?" Chuuya frowns, pressing his hands against his cheeks in an effort to help them cool down.

"I mean, it

is

going to feel good when someone touches your prostate," Dazai agrees, "but some guys just aren't into penetration."

"...How do you know so much about it?" Chuuya asks slowly, jumping and stiffening up when Dazai's fingers start rubbing lube, well 'there.

"I mean, I'll try anything

once

," Dazai explains with a shrug. "And a girl was going down on me--" the conversation, awkward as it might

sound

, is actually helping Chuuya feel a little more

relaxed

. " 'and she wanted to try it out, so I let her."

"

What

?! Girls actually

want

to do that sort of thing?!" Chuuya sputters, kind of

shocked

but mostly just

curious

because he really hadn't

thought

about it before '

"Well--I'm going to

assume

you've never heard of pegging '" Dazai snorts, because

obviously not

, " 'but yeah. A lot of girls like doing that. She only used a couple of fingers on me," Dazai explains, and that makes Chuuya feel a

little

less terrified when the tip of Dazai's finger slips inside, because at least he

kind of

knows what this feels like, "and she advertised it like it was going to be this mind-blowing experience, and it was just..." Dazai shrugs, "Fine? The stimulation wasn't enough to make up for the rest of it. But everyone's different."

"Are you trying to '" Chuuya bites his lip when Dazai's finger slips in a little deeper, and it

does

burn, but it doesn't feel like he's being

split in half

or like someone is ramming a telephone pole in there, so '

A definitive improvement.

" 'lower my expectations or something?"

"No, it's just..." Dazai shrugs, biting the inside of his cheek and he forces himself to

focus

. "You were already blaming yourself and saying you were bad at sex because you didn't enjoy having someone's unlubed dick halfway up your ass '"

"You said you were going to

drop that '"

"My

point is,"

Dazai valiantly presses on, "not

everyone

enjoys penetration, and that's

fine

. '

And is he secretly hoping that Chuuya

does

because that might make them a little more compatible?

Sure

. But that also makes

zero

sense and he's trying not to focus on just how

tight

and

warm

it is inside of him 'and he's

definitely

not imagining what it

might be like to feel that tight, hot, wet heat around his '

"Are you still alright?" Dazai finally asks when his finger is

all the way

inside, glancing up to look at Chuuya's face, only to find that the redhead has pulled a pillow over it.

And he's still

half

hard, which is a good sign, in Dazai's book, because when he was doing his research 'and

god

, Dazai did an

absurd

amount of it for this one, tiny encounter 'he saw the plenty of guys can go

flaccid

during, which is typically a sign that it's heading towards being painful.

"Y 'Yeah."

Dazai nods, letting his finger sit inside of Chuuya for a moment before slowly sliding it out, repeating the motion until he can feel Chuuya's muscles

starting

to relax, even if it's slow going 'and at one point, when he's stopping to add more lube, he asks, "I

know

we said this was a purely educational thing--"

"Yeah, and?" Chuuya mutters, his arms tightening around the pillow as he tries to focus on staying as

relaxed

as possible, his thigh tightening slightly where it's hooked over Dazai's shoulder.

"Well, how technical do you want me to be?"

"Super '" Chuuya bites into the pillow when Dazai's finger presses back in, and it doesn't

burn

anymore, but it's still

intrusive

and that

magical

feeling hasn't appeared yet or anything, " 'fucking 'technical '"

He can't see Dazai's smug grin. "Oh, okay. In that case, it would be

super

helpful if you would masturbate for me right now."

"What?! '

Chuuya snaps, peeking out from under the pillow

just enough

for Dazai to see that he's maroon. "Isn't that what we're '"

"I'd call it,

'personal time'

, but you're not alone, so '"

"Are you

seriously

picking

this moment

to be a

dick?"

Dazai's eyes are wide and

deceptively innocent

. "I mean, if we're being

super fucking technical

, it's a gland that swells with arousal, so it'll be

easier

for me to stimulate it if your penis is fully erect ' '

"

Why

are you like this?!" Chuuya whimpers, his thigh shivering again when Dazai's finger starts shallowly fucking in and out of him, and it still isn't

bad

or

painful

at all, it's just

weird

.

"Like what?"

"The

worst

person I've ever met 'and who says

penis

in situations like this?!"

"Coming from the guy who can't even say

cock. '

Dazai snorts, "I'm just being

technical '"

"Okay well

fine

, smarty pants '"

"...Smarty pants?"

"

Smart ass,

you happy?!"

"Very, actually."

"You don't have to be

that

technical and I don't wanna do it in front of you, okay?!"

"...You don't..." Dazai's finger goes still as he tries to process that bit of information, one eyebrow slowly arching. "Want...to masturbate in front of me?"

"No?! That would be 'I don't know '"

"Chuuya '" Dazai's voice cracks with laughter as he presses his face into the redhead's thigh, biting down a little, making Chuuya press his face into the pillow with a

yelp

of surprise and

fine

, pleasure ' "I'm

literally

inside of you right now, and touching yourself in front of me is a bridge too far?"

"Are you

really

making fun of me right now?!" Chuuya mutters, "Because I'm

not

feeling all that secure at the moment ' '

"I'm sorry," Dazai relents, pressing an apologetic kiss against Chuuya's thigh when he lets go, and they both stiffen for a minute but have this silent,

mutual

agreement to ignore the fact that it happened. "You know what? Actually 'you don't have to do anything 'just sit back."

There's a shift in Dazai's tone, one that almost sounds

soothing

and

grounding

, like he's

completely

got this 'and Chuuya's entire body

jumps

when Dazai's fingers wrap around the base of his cock, offering slow,

firm

strokes and '

Fuck

.

Chuuya throws his head back against the pillow, gasping and squirming, because

how

does Dazai's hand feel better in

seconds

than Shirase's mouth did in

minutes?

"I'm going to put another one in, okay?"

God

.

Dazai keeps licking his lips as he eyes Chuuya's cock, feeling it swell up and pulse under his fingers as he works lube over the shaft, making it easier for him to form a circle with his fingers and slip it up and down--it's intuitive, not that different from how he would touch

himself

. And it's

weird

, because it's not like it's Dazai's first time seeing a cock like this, he watches

quite a bit

of porn, but 'for the first time, he finds himself utterly

focused

on it, wanting to taste the pre-cum dripping from the tip, and '

It's

off topic

.

This isn't even

about

what Dazai wants, this is about showing Chuuya what ass play is

supposed

to feel like, and they aren't going to get that far if Dazai starts blowing him 'because he can

guarantee

he's at

least

better than Shirase, and Chuuya won't

last

.

Damn

.

Chuuya clenches his teeth when another finger wriggles inside, trying to focus on his breaths, deep in through his nose, out slow through his mouth 'like Dazai explained on the phone earlier in the afternoon.

It

helps

, and there 's still no stinging 'just a little more of a burn. And he figures 'if anyone could

make

this good, it 's probably Dazai, right? Like 'he 's been with so many people, he knows what he 's doing, so...if Chuuya doesn 't get off on this, it 's like what Dazai said, and he just isn 't into it, right?

Wait

.

Dazai, in that moment, is going through his own internal checklist.

Two inches deep, curved up 'it should feel like a swollen bump against the inner muscles, and the pad of his middle finger finds it, sliding over it experimentally 'just time make sure he 's in the right

neighborhood

'

He wasn 't prepared.

For a jump? A surprised moan? Sure. When it was him, it felt a little liked being poked by a cattle prod.

Way

too intense to be pleasurable, even with just the fingertips.

Chuuya 's moan is

loud

and

unrestrained

and '

Oh no

.

Dazai 's face is

so

hot, and all of the rational that had him thinking he could

handle

this is fleeing from him, because '

Chuuya said his

name

.

Dazai 's jeans are

unbearably

tight now and he can 't

focus

, so he tries it

again

'

Only to receive the same response.

Oh

fuck

.

Bad idea,

bad idea

, why did he think this was a good idea?

Even

Chuuya

seems to realize what he did now, turning read all the way to his ears, 'I 'I didn 't mean '"

'It 's okay '" even

Dazai

doesn 't sound casual anymore, and he

knows

he 's turning red too, ' 'it 's normal. '

They stare at each other.

Right.

Normal

.

This is

normal

.

They 're barely even friends, and Dazai is just helping Chuuya work through an issue. And he 's done this with

plenty

of his friends before. So 'it 's

fine

'

'D 'Dazai '"

He starts, shaking himself out of it, 'Yeah? '

'K 'keep going? '

His eyes soften. 'Yeah ' ' he leans down, lifting his hand away from Chuuya 's cock as he presses kisses and bites over his stomach, letting Chuuya focus on the sensation of his fingers spreading inside of him, and

god

'they 're long, surprisingly

strong

, and ' 'I 've got you. '

Chuuya wasn 't wrong. Dazai

does

make it good.

Beyond

good.

Chuuya doesn 't have

words

for what Dazai does.

The feeling of his fingers spreading around him,

bracketing

the edges of his spot and then

massaging

it, it 's '

Chuuya is

incoherent

.

His thighs are trembling, his jaw is clenched so tightly that it

aches

, and he 's a

mess

of moans and shivers, all while Dazai is watching with fascination, the way Chuuya 's cock is jumping against his stomach without him

touching

it '

After today, they 'll spend weeks telling themself that the next minutes didn 't mean

anything.

'Dazai... ' Chuuya 's voice is cracking as his spine arches off of the mattress, unsteady as he rocks down into his hand. 'I need '"

The brunette 's stomach

lurches

and his brain tells him

not to push it

while his cock is practically screeching the chorus of

'live fast die young.'

And he slips into treating Chuuya the way that he

wants

to, rather than keeping up the barrier of

'educational purposes,

' which has made this experience feel a little clinical 'up until now.

"Oh?" He croons, and Chuuya is not at

all

emotionally prepared for the husky tone Dazai's voice takes on as he presses a kiss between his ribs, teeth scraping as his words reverberate into the pit of Chuuya's stomach, "Tell me what you need, sweetheart."

Oh

fuck

.

Chuuya convulses, letting out a choked whine as he tries to press his thighs together, but he's stopped when his inner thigh hits the side of Dazai's shoulder, and it's not

enough

, but it helps him tighten up even more around Dazai's fingers, subconsciously trying to pull him

deeper

.

"I '" there are

tears

at the corners of his eyes, though not the

bad

kind. "I '

please

'"

He makes the mistake of opening his eyes, and when he

does

, he sees Dazai smirking up at him, with a grin so confident and sly that the only adjective that really works for it is

wicked

, like a fox in the hen house.

"You wanna cum?"

Oh god.

Chuuya lets out a strangled whimper, bobbing his head quickly because he

does

, oh god, he really

does

, he's

so

close, and if Dazai just does a

little

more '

"Just ask me." Dazai murmurs, his fingers slowing

down

and it's

torturous

as Dazai slides up from between his legs, wrapping his mouth around one of Chuuya's nipples again, and then it just feels like his entire body is

melting

under Dazai's hands, hot and fluid, lines blending together.

"P 'please, Dazai, m '"

It's fascinating to him, because

outside

of this sort of situation, Chuuya really isn't

like

this. Is he occasionally shy? Sure. Was he the sort of person Dazai would have pegged to

beg

to cum on his fingers before? No.

Is he

complaining

? Absolutely not. Even if Chuuya probably can't

actually

say it out loud, that's probably too much for him right now '

The next sentence burns itself into his memory

permanently

.

"Please, Dazai '"

Chuuya's spine trembles as he loses all sense of

embarrassment

, because it's

too

good, " 'm 'make me cum '!"

The last bit is a little rushed, but Dazai hears it.

He goes still for a minute, and it does this thing, like in the movies, where there's this weird echo effect in his brain.

Make me cum...

Please, Dazai...

Make me '

Everything is a bit of a

blur

after that.

At some point Dazai's face ends up in Chuuya's neck again, a lot less

gentle

with his teeth this time as he marks him up 'and maybe he's

subconsciously

tracing a similar pattern to the bruises he used to see on Chuuya's neck when he was coming back from Shirase's place, but if so, it's a

coincidence

'

And then there are

three

fingers inside of him, and Chuuya feels

full

and the stretch is

good

, the sparks of pleasure every time Dazai's fingertips ram against his spot makes it feel like

fireworks

are going off in his stomach '

And when he clings to Dazai, fingernails scraping down his back, it's

different

from being in Shirase's arms.

It's

comfortable

and

safe

and in spite of the fact that Dazai is

always

making fun of him, Chuuya knows he would never mock him over

this

, and '

The scraping down his back is enough to make Dazai

moan

into Chuuya's neck, low

and

wanting

and the sound of that, paired with the fact that from this position, Chuuya finally notices the hot weight of Dazai's erection, pressing against Chuuya's thigh though his jeans '

It's

way too much.

Chuuya's orgasms are usually

fast

and sudden. He's never been built up and

wrung

out

like this, his muscles clamping down around Dazai's fingers as he lets out a broken moan, turning his face into the larger teen's hair in an attempt to muffle it.

And it wracks his

entire

body, coming in waves, lasting

way

longer than what he's used to, to the point where there are tears on his cheeks and the breath has literally been

knocked out of him.

In the moments that follow, Chuuya just feels...pleasantly blank. Limp and boneless as his legs drop down against the mattress.

Dazai's mouth is still on him, pressing lazy kisses against his throat, holding him through it as Chuuya's body is still wracked by shivers.

And for a second 'really, a

few

seconds 'Chuuya relaxes into it, and he's actually

cuddling

into Dazai's hold, and if he wasn't too embarrassed by it after the fact, he would admit to the fact that he actually

nuzzled

his face against the side of Dazai's head, purring like a contented

kitten

, as ridiculous and mortifying as it sounds.

Fuck

.

Dazai is fighting with every single inch of his remaining self-control to keep his hips still, when all he wants is to grind

down

and get some friction against his erection, because it's starting to get

genuinely

painful at this point 'but he's also

extremely

aware of the importance of not just dumping Chuuya out of his arms and running off to the bathroom to take care of it

himself

.

So, he's

stuck

.

At least, until Chuuya's leg

shifts

, rubbing against the front of his jeans, and Dazai makes a strangled, low noise in the back of his throat as his cock throbs painfully in response. "Sorry, I just '"

"It's okay..." Chuuya takes a deep breath. "Do you '" Dazai's breath catches at the

tone

of his voice, " 'I get it if it grosses you out or something, but if you want, I can '"

"...Do I seem grossed out right now?" He asks breathlessly, and Chuuya swallows hard,

vividly

aware of the bulge against his thigh.

No

. He doesn't. And like he said before they even started...he's

bi

.

Like Shirase. And Yuan too 'he can still remember her screaming about their ex promoting 'harmful stereotypes' or whatever.

It's just 'until

right now

'Chuuya never entertained the idea that Dazai might...

"...If you..." Dazai swallows hard, fighting to clear his head and think with

something

other than his dick, which is

really

hard at the moment, "If you want to."

"Well '" Chuuya clears his throat awkwardly, looking away before he takes another deep breath.

When his legs wrap around Dazai's hips, for a second he

wildly

misinterprets what's about to happen, and

god

, does he

want

to, if he had his

exact

fantasy Chuuya would be on all fours right now, but it seems like

way too much

too fast '

But that isn't what happens.

The world flips upside down, and suddenly Dazai is on his back, and 'it's an

unfortunate

coincidence that this leaves them with Chuuya straddling his waist, literally sitting on Dazai's clothed hard on, with it literally rubbing between his '

Dazai throws his head back, biting his lip as Chuuya's palms fly against his chest, balancing himself there. "Could I ask you a...personal question?"

Dazai cracks one eyelid open, unsure of his ability to

speak

as Chuuya's ass rubs against him, even if it

is

an unintentional result of him leaning forward 'so he nods.

"What '" Chuuya braces his weight on his palms, and Dazai is lucky that he's

small

, otherwise it would be

crushing

whereas in this case, it's just a little pressure as the redhead shifts forward onto his knees, making Dazai sigh with

relief

. " 'are the bandages for?"

Dazai pauses, finally managing to look Chuuya in the eye for the first time since their positions flipped, his hands freezing over Chuuya's hips. "..."

They cover his forearms, his throat, and the upper part of his chest, near his collarbone. A

lot

of people assume it's just a fashion statement 'or maybe an intimacy thing.

"...Can we talk about it after?"

Chuuya is surprised by the

softness

in Dazai's voice when he asks that 'but he nods. "Yeah 'I mean, you don't have to tell me at all '"

"I don't care about telling 'I'd just rather... '

Right

.They have

pressing matters.

And here's the thing. Dazai hasn't actually been with

that many

virgins before.

Most of his partners have been older than him, usually with at least a little experience--so '

He just wasn't prepared for the cautious,

soft

kiss that Chuuya presses against the side of his neck, almost mimicking the way Dazai touched

him

at the beginning. His mouth is

warm

, soft, and

god

, Dazai wishes he could remember

more

of what it felt like under his '

And

fuck

.

It's weird to even

think

it about the little brat who ran an underground panini ring as a form of

spite

cute, but '

Fuck

.

The way the tip of his nose brushes against Dazai's neck, over his collarbones as he works his way down 'or the way he rubs his thumb over one of Dazai's nipples 'which is

weird

, at first, but actually a little

nice?

He isn't

quite

as sensitive as Chuuya, so it doesn't turn him into a squirming mess, but it's surprisingly pleasant--and when Chuuya starts placing short, light kisses over Dazai's stomach, he starts to realize '

Oh

.

"You don't have to, that's kind of '"

Chuuya glances up at him through his eyelashes, and Dazai remembers something from that night, a flash that he'd

forgotten

'

Chuuya laughing, smiling at someone else, his hair pulled up in a loose ponytail 'and Dazai remembered noticing then, the freckles across his nose.

The same way he's noticing them

now

, and the way Chuuya's nose always wrinkles a little when he's nervous.

Dazai's heart jackhammers now, and it has

nothing

to do with how close Chuuya is to his zipper.

Oh no.

"Well 'if you don't care--I'm kinda more comfortable with using my mouth."

That's...unique. And when Dazai raises an eyebrow at him, Chuuya's face darkens slightly, and he explains, "It started with me wanting...to prove a point, but..."

Dazai remembers their little spat in this very room, and his stomach sinks.

"If you don't want me to ' '

"No, no '" Dazai raises his hands and shakes his head, "If that's what you're more comfortable with 'and you want to '"

Chuuya isn't willing to admit that he

wants

to, but he has this delightful little shield of

fairness

to hide behind. "Well '" he makes a small face that Dazai doesn't

like

, because it's

insecure

and a little...sad isn't the right word for it, but it's not happy either. "I'm sure you've had better, but 'I mean, you could still tell me if it's not '"

Dazai acts on instinct when he reaches down, brushing his fingers through Chuuya's hair, unaware of how grounding the action is for him '

soothing

, even. "Chuuya?"

Not Chibi. Or hobbit. Or Short stack. Or dwarf. Or gremlin. Or vertically challenged. Or anything like that.

Just Chuuya.

"...Yeah?"

"Relax. '

Chuuya lets out a shaky sigh. "Okay..." He shimmies down, grateful to have his bottom half under the comforter, because now that he's starting to cool off, it's kind of

cold

'and he's unaware of the fact that Dazai is silently mourning the view of his ass.

Relax

, he reminds himself, just like Dazai said, because it's not a

big deal.

Dazai isn't some intimidating guy he's dating that he wants to impress, and this isn't Chuuya's first time going down on someone.

This isn't

as

scary.

He unbuttons Dazai's jeans, snorting a little under his breath when the brunette lets out a

sigh of

relief

, pulling down the zipper. "Sorry, that was probably a

lot

'"

"It's fine," Dazai mutters, spreading his knees apart as Chuuya lays between his thighs, "I've had worse."

"

Worse

? What exactly is that supposed to ' ' Chuuya starts questioning as he tugs at

Dazai's boxers, and then '

And then he falls silent.

It almost feels like karma coming back to smack him in the face, laughing at him for lying to Dazai about Shirase's height.

Because

yeah

, Dazai is

tall

. For Japan?

Really tall.

And...He's...Proportional.

Oh my.

Chuuya has never given a lot of thought to his

own size.

Besides his

height

, yes, hardy har

har

, but compared to Shirase, who was significantly taller, they were about the

same

down there, so Chuuya always figured in that sense, at least, he was average.

So, is Dazai just

huge?

Chuuya wishes he had a little more locker room experience to pull from 'but he'd been forced to drop out of sports right after he started

middle schoo

l, so there wasn't much of an opportunity...

And

after

the incident with Shirase, Chuuya was fairly sure he wouldn't be interested in trying

that

again with anyone that big again, but apparently Shirase wasn't even "

big

" at all, and '

He doesn't know why he's even

contemplating

it right now, because he's just going to suck him off, and then they're never doing this again, but now he's staring down the barrel of this thing, wondering

, 'could that go

inside of me?'

Which is a

ridiculous

and unhelpful thing to contemplate, but--

Here Chuuya is. Entertaining the thought.

When he considers how Dazai made it feel

before

...

He thinks it actually could?

But, like he already said, that's a

ridiculous

thing to worry about right now, so 'his main focus is on getting it in

his mouth.

Which already presents more of a challenge.

Dazai is ready to ask if Chuuya is

alright

, and Chuuya just outright

admits

it, not thinking of the impact it's going to have on Dazai's ego. "It's bigger than what I'm used to."

He doesn't know if Chuuya is telling him that as a

dig

at Shirase or a

compliment

, but--Chuuya's hand wraps around the base of his cock, and suddenly his brain just hushes him '

Take the compliment, Dazai.

And just before Chuuya's lips touch him, Dazai grits his teeth. "Wait '" Chuuya pauses, glancing up at him, and Dazai

hates

himself a little, but it's

important

. "I have a '" he starts reaching for the foil packet in the back pocket of his jeans, and Chuuya tilts his head to the side.

"Why? You just took a shower a couple of hours ago, right?"

Dazai drops his head down against the pillows. "Because you can still get a 'wait '" He

knows

Chuuya is going to get annoyed with him for tugging into the matter further, but ' "Did you guys not use...?"

Chuuya makes a face. "He told me he'd been with one other person and that he'd been tested, and since I've never been with anyone else..." Chuuya shakes his head. "Yuan made us both get checked out after, so I'm fine '"

"That's good '" Dazai pinches the bridge of his nose, " 'but you didn't ask me if

I

had been tested."

Chuuya blinks slowly, "Oh..." Well. That does seem kind of obvious now. Particularly given how...active Dazai is. "...Well, have you?"

Well, have you?

"Yeah," Dazai admits 'in general, he doesn't really

do

unprotected sex, not unless he's with someone who he

knows

and has a clean bill of health themselves, or if they have some other way of verifying it 'and that isn't common. Meaning he's low risk in general 'and he gets tested a few times a year regardless.

"Doesn't it feel different with it on?"

"I mean ' ' Dazai frowns, " 'a little, but not enough for you to make yourself '"

"I don't mind." Dazai stares into his eyes, and he can't tell if Chuuya

really

doesn't mind, or if he's just insecure because of recent experiences and

eager to please

.

"..." Dazai presses his hand to his face for a moment. "...Just 'the next guy you do this with ' ' and Dazai

cringes

internally when he imagines Chuuya doing this with anyone else, and that's something he's going to have to

work through

later, " 'make him wear one, alright?"

Chuuya blinks, "...Okay," he agrees, because it's not really the end of the world to him either way ' "But we don't have to right now, right?"

"...You wanna know what I taste like that bad?" Dazai offers the comment dryly, hoping to cow Chuuya enough into putting it on, but 'it has the opposite effect.

Chuuya's eyes narrow slightly, and instead of backing

down

, he 'dives in.

And Dazai wishes he could say he didn't make a

really

embarrassing noise of surprise when Chuuya's lips wrap around him out of

nowhere

but 'he

totally

did.

At first, all he can do is dig his heels into the mattress and let out a soft

groan

, the muscles in his thighs tensing slightly '

But if Dazai accurately braced Chuuya for what he was going to do 'Chuuya

definitely

undersold himself.

His tongue slips over Dazai's slit, his saliva mingling with pre-cum as he starts to swirl

around

the head of Dazai's cock, and '

'Fuck '"

Dazai gasps, his hands fisting in the sheets, fighting the urge to buck into Chuuya's mouth.

Chuuya finds himself...a little surprised.

"You wanna know what I taste like that bad?"

He'd been

curious

, sure, but more so determined to prove to Dazai that he wasn't a

completely

helpless little virgin, but now that he's

here

'

Dazai tastes

good

.

Or. Well. Maybe that's the wrong way to phrase it.

The pre-cum dripping out is a little

bitter

, but the rest of him...it's hot, pulsing, soft skin but firm underneath, thick enough that Chuuya's lips stretch to accommodate it as he slides further down, lowering his jaw.

Oh, god.

Before, Chuuya didn't

mind

giving head 'because he knew Shirase enjoyed it, and

Chuuya

likes

to please, but '

He

likes

this. The feeling of Dazai's legs starting to tense and shake around him, the noises he's making, the way he can actually feel Dazai get even

bigger

in his mouth--

His hand reaches out blindly, finding Dazai's and pulling it down, pressing it against his hair.

Dazai's breath catches.

"You can hold onto me, if you need to."

Chuuya is

way

too nice for his own good 'especially to someone like Dazai. But he finds himself tangling his fingers in Chuuya's hair anyway, his breathing ragged when the

redhead pulls off, mouthing at the side of his shaft as he works his way down, breathing hard.

It's a

lot

. Enough where Chuuya is pretty positive it isn't all going to get in his mouth 'but he's going to

try

.

"You '" he licks his lips, glancing up at Dazai.

And, once again, they find themselves at a crossroads, if you will. This entire encounter has been nothing

but

the two of them tripping over each other in the discovery that they are...

more compatible

than either of them thought. And that...is about to get

worse

.

" 'could you tell me if I'm doing it right?"

It's such a harmless,

genuine

request that it almost knocks Dazai off guard, but then Chuuya's mouth is back on him, cheeks hollowing as he slides back down Dazai's shaft, sucking at the underside when he slides back up, and Dazai realizes...Chuuya probably hasn't had a lot of

feedback

.

Which is

ridiculous

, because in this sense, Chuuya is

objectively

...

"

Good

," Dazai pants, threading his fingers back through Chuuya's hair as his mouth starts to work up and down, "

Fuck

, you're 'you're doing

so

well ' '

Dazai isn't easily

embarrassed

in bed, so he's perfectly comfortable with letting Chuuya

know

that he's enjoying himself '

It's just...Neither of them expected the loud, shockingly

lewd

moan that draws from Chuuya in return.

It leaves Dazai squirming and panting from the vibrations around his cock, and Chuuya freezing up with

embarrassment

over getting

turned on

by something like that, but...

Dazai...seems...to like it?

So, Chuuya works at taking him in as much as he can, until Dazai's cock is bumping against the back of his throat, all while Dazai's fingers are tugging and stroking at his hair, and he's groaning about how

good

Chuuya's mouth feels, and the redhead, to his mortification, is almost hard

again

.

Thankfully he's still in his refractory period, but his cock is making a

valiant

effort to beat the odds.

In an effort to make Dazai

shut up

because he's already

squirming

against the sheets, Chuuya drops his jaw even more, tears streaming from his eyes as Dazai starts to press down his

throat

, and '

To say the brunette is in

shock

would be

underselling it

.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Dazai is fighting between his brain, his arousal, and his emotions, which are tangled together in his brain, tapping out a conflicting melody on an out of tune marimba.

His

brain

is telling him that he needs to

calm down

and try to focus on

staying still

, while his

arousal

is telling him to slam his hips forward into that tight, wet,

incredible

heat, and his

emotions

are screaming somewhere between protectiveness and jealousy.

Jealousy because Chuuya clearly went down on Shirase

quite a bit

in a

short span of time.

Protectiveness, because Chuuya

clearly

went above and beyond and received

little to no praise

for what was quite obviously

praise

worthy

head

.

And it's all

stupid

, and it makes it hard to

focus

, and

all

he can think about is the wet noise of Chuuya swallowing around him, and...He just...sort of...

It's

weird

, because Dazai doesn't

'lose it'

during sex. Generally, he can always keep his wits about him, but for the second time today, his brain just...goes

blissfully blank.

Which ends with him gently (or as gently as

he can manage

in this situation) guiding Chuuya's head up and down on his cock, shallowly thrusting into his mouth while Chuuya just holds on to his hips, content to let Dazai just...

take

what he needs, and that's...

Shockingly

hot.

"God..." Dazai groans, his thumb stroking over Chuuya's hairline as he watches his cock sliding in and out from between his lips, and it's all

too

much, and he mutters, "You look

so

fucking beautiful with your mouth on me..."

And that triggers

another

shuddering moan from his roommate, and at this point 'Dazai is

done for.

He

tries

to pull Chuuya off before he finishes, but Chuuya

feels

Dazai's cock twitching in his throat and his fingers dig into his hips insistently, holding him there.

Dazai has had

quite

a few blowjobs in his life. Like, a

startling

amount.

He's

never

had one that made him fall apart like

this

, trembling and clinging to Chuuya's head as he fights the urge not to ram himself all the way down his throat, before collapsing back against the sheets, completely spent.

"I..." he pants, struggling to gather what

remains

of his braincells. "You didn't...need to..."

Chuuya let's Dazai's cock slip out of his mouth, making a small face as a string of saliva connects him to it, wiping it away with the back of his hand.

Dazai bites his lip, turning his eyes back up at the ceiling.

Why me?

Why. Me?!

"That's just how I've always done it..." Chuuya mumbles, swallowing and clearing his throat, his voice a little raw.

And he's pretty sure from way that Dazai

reacted

that he definitely

didn't mind it

.

He starts to push himself up, only to end up pulled against Dazai's side, his

face heating up as it ends up pressed into his chest, "I'm not gonna cry or something if you don't cuddle me after, it's fine '"

"You know," Dazai mumbles tiredly, not opening his eyes, "this is still an educational experience, and if you let a guy fuck your face, it's just common decency for him to give a little aftercare, okay?"

Chuuya blinks, his voice slightly muffled against Dazai's pectorals when he tries to talk again. "Aftercare?"

Dazai thinks it over. "Well. On a scale of 1 to 10, how steady are you feeling right now?"

"Steady..." Chuuya trails off, thinking about it. "I guess...like..." given how raw his throat feels, and how his thighs are still a little tense and shaky from before... "...a 3 or a 4?"

Dazai shrugs, wrapping one arm around Chuuya's shoulders and holding him close, closing his eyes. "Then this is a way of helping you get back to a 6 or a 7." Dazai mumbles. "And we're both tired."

He isn't

wrong

about that. And...this

was

for instructional purposes.

And Chuuya...He presses his face into Dazai's chest, pressing his thighs together a little tighter.

He feels

informed

.

"...You're being

really

nice to me." He mumbles, unsure of what to make of it.

Dazai rolls his eyes. "I'm generally pretty nice to people when I'm having sex with them."

"...But we

didn't

'"

Dazai raises an eyebrow, "It definitely counts." Then, with a yawn, "And if it makes you feel any better, I'll start making fun of you again when we're both dressed."

That actually

does

make him feel a little better, in a weird way. Like this moment is an aberration, and he doesn't

actually

have to deal with the confusing feelings swirling

around in his stomach.

Or the fact that he

is

still sort of...excited, from what Dazai was saying before. Which is

weird

, and he doesn't

understand it.

And while he

knows

he likes anal now, he feels even more confused than when they

started

.

But he would be lying if he said that just being

held

like this wasn't

nice

, or if he doesn't...maybe...want...

Fuck

.

After a few minutes, Dazai stops stroking his hair, glancing down and noticing the pensive look in his eye. "You okay?"

"Yeah 'yeah...." Chuuya swallows hard. "I was just, um...thinking..."

Because they

are

practicing. This is educational.

And they're both eighteen, and they've had time to recover, and...Chuuya is already...

prepped

, technically, and...Dazai probably doesn't even

want

to, but '

"Just thinking...what?" Dazai tilts his head to the side, and Chuuya looks away, his face heating up all over again.

"It's, uh '"

Probably a bad idea?

Definitely

a bad idea, right?

"Remember how I told you I wouldn't make fun of you while we were like this?"

Chuuya swallows hard, nodding. "Well ' '

He's interrupted by his phone ringing, and the sound of the ringtone just...zaps all of the confidence right out of him as he scrambles to pick it up, not seeing the faint disappointment in Dazai's eyes when he answers. "Hello?"

"Chuuya!" Yuan sounds relieved on the other line. "Hey, sorry for calling at a weird time, but I need a favor '"

They end up dragged into a five minute phone conversation about how she needs him to pretend to be her boyfriend with anger management issues to get some guy in her chemistry class to lay off of her, and by the time they hang up, Dazai is already out of bed, pulling on a clean shirt, and Chuuya is...

Not

feeling brave enough to ask again. "Dazai?"

"Hmm?" The brunette mutters, tugging the t-shirt down over his hips.

"...Thank you, for doing that."

Dazai bites his lip. Really, in retrospect, this was a

lot more self-serving

of him than Chuuya

thinks

, but... "It's fine," Dazai mutters hoarsely, sitting down on his bed, "what are friends for?"

Chuuya doesn't exactly think they're for

that

, but he accepts it. "Well 'I don't know, I've been going through kind of...a hard time lately, and...that really helped." He takes a shaky breath, rubbing his cheeks. "So...thank you."

"...You're welcome," Dazai finally agrees quietly, hoping that

maybe

, at least, he was able to set the bar a

little

higher for Chuuya as a result of this whole thing so...it wasn't a

complete

mistake. Even if things are...

confusing

now.

"I have scars, by the way."

Chuuya is a little startled by the statement, pausing from where he was reaching for his underwear. "What?"

"The bandages--that's why I wear them."

Chuuya doesn't know

what

to make of that, because Dazai

sounds

casual, saying it now, but...There's an

edge

to his gaze, like he's afraid Chuuya might press it, or what he'll

think

, so...Chuuya keeps his face and his voice as neutral as possible. "Oh 'that makes sense."

He slips out of bed, realizing there's not much of a

point

in getting dressed again before he showers, because there's still a

lot

of lube inside and between his thighs, leaving him with an uncomfortably slick feeling. "Well, I think they actually make you look

kinda

cool."

Dazai pauses, his eyes snapping up with

utter

shock as Chuuya makes his way towards the bathroom. "

Now

who's the one being weirdly

nice

? '

Chuuya waves it off without looking at him. "You said we'd go back to normal when we were both dressed, and I'm still naked."

Yep.

Dazai's eyes drift down to Chuuya's ass, lingering there before the bathroom door shuts.

He's still

very

naked.

Dazai presses his face into his hands.

Jesus

.

He slowly turns around in his desk chair.

He's fucked up.

Oh

dear god

, he's fucked up

so bad.

Back when he was discussing this with Fyodor, it didn 't feel so

terrifying

. Now, he wants to punch his friend in the face for ever putting the word

straight passin

g in his head. Because whatever the

fuck

this is, it isn 't straight passing.

Actually, he 's pretty sure he knows

exactly

what this is now. And that he 's completely and

utterly

screwed if he can 't find a way to deal with it, because...

Having feelings for Chuuya won 't end well for him.

He just wishes he 'd realized that

after

Chuuya got another boyfriend, but '

Life isn 't

fair

.