The next point of contention is, surprisingly, Chuuya 's fault.

Dazai turns around, nudging a scrap piece of paper away from his desk with his foot, surveying the damage. Chuuya isn 't exactly

messy

. He vacuums, he disinfects surfaces, picks up his laundry 'but he also

sprawls

, and Dazai has been watching the ever expanding

clutter

make it 's way across their room, like an angry little empire of discarded sketches. 'Would it

kill

you to use a trash can? '

Chuuya is slumped over his desk, head in his arms. 'Trash can is full. '

Dazai rolls his eyes, 'Then I have a

revolutionary

suggestion '"

'If it bothers you that much, empty it yourself. '

Dazai gawks.

'No. '

'Why not? '

'It 's

your

trash '"

'Sure, ' Chuuya groans, not lifting his head. 'But I already live with a human garbage can, so I guess I just don 't notice the difference. '

'Are you

ever

going to get over that night?! '

'Nope. '

Dazai crosses his arms over his chest. 'Are you depressed or something? '

'Huh? '

'You look like you 're about to off yourself. '

Chuuya grumbles tiredly into his arms 'It 's the first time I 've had to do an assignment in traditional style in years. '

'And...? It 's the same thing. '

Chuuya 's eyebrow twitches. 'It 's really not. '

'One is drawing on a tablet, the other is paper. Still the same '"

'It 's

not

' ' 'Chuuya snarls before forcing himself to calm down, slamming his head against his desk. 'It 's

not

the same, okay? Just leave me

alone

. '

Dazai grumbles, but he can also grasp the fact that the conversation is

not

going anywhere, so...

Three days later, Chuuya comes home to find an obnoxious, bright orange line of duct tape laying across the middle of their room. '...You 're

kidding

. '

'Actually, Chibi, if you got to know me better, you 'd know that I take boundaries

very

seriously. '

Chuuya

glares

, 'I don 't

want

to get to know you. '

'Great '" Dazai beams, 'feeling 's mutual. But if a

single

scrap of paper goes over that line 'expect swift retaliation. '

'...you 're

insane! '

'I think, one day, when you 're older, ' Dazai muses, spinning in his chair like he 's some wizened old man, 'you 'll see that I 'm actually being pretty fair. '

'Oh

shut the fuck up '"

Chuuya snarls, stomping towards the door. 'I 'm telling Kunikida-senpai! '

Dazai

grins. 'Oh? '

Typically, going to Kunikida has always worked in Chuuya 's favor 'because Dazai is an

ass

'and he has no reason to think it 'll be different this time.

'Kunikida-senpai! '

The blonde groans, glaring at his calculus homework. '

What? '

'Dazai just duct taped

half of the room! '

'Chuuya-kun '" Kunikida starts, reaching for his glasses, 'listen '"

'And I

know

you said I should try to just ignore him, because he's just trying to get a rise out of me, but 'but ' ' Chuuya gestures wildly with his arms, "I don't use this word lightly senpai, but I'm 'I'm ' ' he clearly wants to use the word

pissed

, but YEARS of a very expensive swear jar in their kitchen has him

conditioned

to say, '

miffed! '

Kunikida stares at him disbelievingly. "...Miffed?"

"Angry! Irritated! Extremely frustrated!"

"Chuuya '"

'And who puts down a

duct tape line

anyway?! What does he think this is, some stupid sit com?!"

Kunikida's eyes narrow a little, "Hey now ' '

"I mean, really, what kind of

immature idiot

thinks putting a

duct tape line

down and threat

ening me

is going to work?! Is he

five

?! '

"Chuuya!" The redhead pauses in the middle of his tirade to see Kunikida

glaring

at him. "The duct tape was

my idea! '

"..." Chuuya pauses, hands still in the air from where he was angrily gesturing in the direction of their room. "...it was?"

The RA pushes away from his desk, and Chuuya is silently CURSING Dazai 's name because now that

stupid fucking smirk

from before MAKES SENSE and he just let Chuuya

storm right into it.

'Look, I know Dazai is a

real piece of work

, okay? But that doesn 't mean you have to get on his level. '

'What?! '

'If

anyone else

asked you to keep your mess on your side of the room, what would you do? '

Chuuya opens his mouth to answer, then shuts it again,

infuriated

because he 's

right

. 'He 's an

asshole. '

'I know, but that doesn 't give you an excuse to be one back. '

It feels like he 's in

kindergarten

and Kunikida is an exhausted

school teacher

. Chuuya is exasperated, wanting to scream

it 's his fault, not mine I 'M the good one!

But...that only further proves Kunikida 's point.

As such, Chuuya respects the duct tape line.

'I still can 't

believe

you went to

Kunikida

. ' Chuuya grumbles, hunched over in his chair.

Dazai is practically sparkling with contentment 'with his side of the room completely clean. 'Call it a stroke of emotional maturity. It was better than my first idea."

"...What was that?"

"Putting you on an air mattress in your sleep and setting you afloat in Tokyo Bay."

"..." Chuuya is staring at him with faint

horror

, and Dazai rolls his eyes.

"I was obviously

joking

, Jesus, how much of an asshole do you think I am?!"

"A

huge

one,

obviously! '

"Look," Dazai wipes a hand down his face, "Obviously, our first interactions weren't...spectacular, but I apologized, you slapped the

shit

out of me ' '

"You really think that's go

od enough?"

Chuuya glares, and Dazai looks

baffled

.

"For kissing you in a bar?"

"That

isn't

the problem. It's how you reacted when ' ' Chuuya cuts himself off and looks away. " 'It sucked."

"...Look," Dazai pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'm

sorry

, it was my first time kissing a guy, it was a weird moment for me ' '

"Yeah, well it was my first time kissing

anyone. '

Dazai pauses, his mouth forming a perfect, 'O' as he looks Chuuya over.

No.

No fucking

way

.

Dazai may not be

into

guys, but if he

was

'

There's just

no way

.

"...You're eighteen."

Chuuya glares.

'And? '

"And you're not

hideous. '

"Gee,

thanks. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes. 'Keep that up, and I might think you wanna kiss me

again. '

Obviously not. That's just 'Dazai's eyes flicker down to Chuuya's lips, then away 'so fast that the redhead doesn't notice it. 'Did you go to high school in a

monastery? '

"Sort of, alright?!" Chuuya snaps. 'I only went my last year 'I spent the first two homeschooled, and I went to a catholic school in Paris for middle school, so ' '

Dazai blinks, "...So you're not just

pretending

to be clueless? You're

actually

like an Amish person?"

'That's '

not

what homeschooling is like you

ass

'" Chuuya pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's just 'really... '

no swear jar

'...

shitty

for that to be your first experience, and then the guy just... '

Chuuya doesn't have to finish his explanation for Dazai to get it.

Acts

ashamed

of it.

Ah

.

Somehow, in a stroke of douchbaggery genius, Dazai has managed to be an even

worse

person than he thought he was. '...I'm sorry. '

Chuuya is kind of surprised by how

sincere

Dazai sounds. Like he

genuinely

feels bad. '...Okay. '

Dazai's eyes widen. "...Just okay?"

"What do you want me say? That I

forgive you? '

Chuuya glares. "You didn't even feel bad until you knew it was my first!"

Dazai blinks, staring at him like he's

crazy

. 'But I

do

feel bad, so ' '

"You should've felt bad in the

first place

, bastard! And that doesn't change what you

said

' '

You might as well get used to it.

Dazai frowns, unable to

deny

that he was being an ass, because...well, he obviously was.

"Alright," he sighs heavily, turning around in his chair. "Fine."

'And the duct tape line was a

totally

stupid idea '"

'Worked better than the

maginot line,

didn't it? '

'... ' Chuuya's jaw

drops

. '...

Rude! '

'What?! ' Dazai snorts, "I thought it would be a nice homage to your father's homeland '

ow! '

He whines, clutching his head after it's

whacked

with sneaker. "It was

f

unny! '

Things did not, in fact, improve between the two of them, in spite of Dazai's

heartfelt

'well,

he

thought it was heartfelt 'apology.

And it didn't necessarily help, that every single time Dazai walked in to see

that

guy sprawled across Chuuya's bed, he started to feel more...hostile.

But the next battle between them would be

all-consuming

to the point of sheer

ridiculousness

, a conflict that would actually become somewhat

infamous

within their Dorm Building for

years

to come.

And, in spite of what one might

think

'it all started with a panini press, of all things.

As a large, national university with thousands of students living on campus, it

was

a massive inconvenience when there were reports of food tampering on campus, resulting in the closure of all dining halls.

But

whatever

, that's what Uber eats is for, and Dazai

likes

takeout. It's fine.

Until the closure stretches on for a week. Then two.

Dazai has had

so much

fast food and delivery sushi, he feels like he's about to turn into one giant piece of shrimp katsu.

And then, like a ray of light in the darkness, he comes back to his dorm room

to the smell of...

Food

.

Home cooked food

.

His eyes dart around for the source, mouth already drooling, and he finds...his roommate.

Holding a small, silver little device, and...Dazai can smell cooking meat.

Melting Cheese.

Heaven

.

"What the fuck is

that? '

Chuuya glances up, and it's

irritating

because he's got this stupid little self-care routine, one that involves pinning his bangs back with little barrettes, and he clearly left a few in after he finished with his face mask, so he looks...

Idiotic. Obviously.

"A panini press?"

'...A what-a-

what? '

Dazai blinks, dropping his book bag down by the door.

'You've never heard of a

Panini? '

Finally, he notices Yuan from where she's curled up in Chuuya's bed, her own face mask still in place. 'They're like sandwiches, but...

classy. '

She waggles her eyebrows. "Aren't you rich? Shouldn't you know that?"

'Well off. '

'That's what

rich people

say when they don't want to admit they're loaded. ' Yuan shrugs, and Dazai brushes her off.

"What kind of Paninis are we having? '

'

We? '

Chuuya raises an eyebrow. '

Yuan

and I are having prosciutto and mozzarella paninis with pesto and roasted pepper '" Oh god. Dazai's stomach

rumbles

at the mention of

meat

.

Real

meat.

Not just a tiny chunk of fish in his sushi take out.

' '

you

are having god knows what, but

not

one of my paninis. '

Dazai is

devastated

.

'Why? '

He grumbles, starting to walk towards Chuuya, only to have the redhead raise a foot at him in warning, like he might kick him if he strays too close.

'Stay on

your side of the line

, buster ' '

'...Buster... ' Dazai repeats slowly. 'How the

hell

does your boyfriend view you as a sexually viable being and not a goddamn

Disney character ' '

"Okay ' ' Chuuya's eyes narrow, ' 'stay on

your side of the line

, you smug little

bastard ' '

"Little? ' Dazai snorts, "don't project on me 'but

why

? If it's about the grocery cost, I'll

pay

for it ' '

'Sorry, ' and Chuuya just

skyrockets

to a new level of pettiness and immaturity 'Dazai would know, he's practically on the VIP level ' 'They're for gays only."

'

What '? '

His eyes flicker to Yuan, "So

she's

gay now? '

'I'm a friend to the gays! ' Yuan pipes up, looking

horribly

amused as she leans back against Chuuya's pillow, her feet in the air as she lets her pedicure dry. 'An ally, if you will ' ' her eyes flicker over to Dazai, ' 'oh, and I'm

bi

, so... ' She smiles happily when Chuuya opens up the Panini press, plating a perfect, crispy, gooey,

golden brown

piece of heaven onto a paper plate, handing it over to her. 'I count! '

God

. Dazai stares at it as she takes a bite, his stomach grumbling again in protest. '...What's it going to take?"

"I'm not giving you a panini, Dazai."

"But I ' '

'

No. '

'Please '"

"I refuse."

'Chuuya ' '

'Dazai. '

'Yuan! '

Chuuya's eyes flicker over to his friend. 'What? '

She shrugs. 'Just wanted to feel like a part of the conversation. '

Dazai is in

hell

.

And it smells

delicious

.

The injustice only

intensifies

.

After day four with

no panini

and

only

take out and having to watch Chuuya make himself at least a

dozen

different things with the

surprisingly versatile

little kitchen appliance, he finds himself shopping for one of his own on amazon.

And then he remembers that he's only ever had

chefs

his entire life, and he doesn't even know how to properly crack an egg. Meaning if he

did

get the panini press, he'd have

no idea

how to use it.

"You want me to teach you how to make a

sandwich? '

Odasaku is incredulous over the phone. "Osamu, that's just

sad ' '

"I k

now, '

Dazai groans, 'look. I can do my own laundry, I can drive, and I can clean. That's already better than

half

of the other kids I went to school with ' '

"But a

sandwich?

Osamu, that's just

assembly ' '

"But not just

any sandwich. '

'What? '

"It's a panini 'you have to

cook it

and I've never ised anything besides a microwave '"

'Don't you need a panini press? '

"Yeah, I'm getting one online right now ' '

"You aren't even allowed to

have those

in a dorm, Dazai."

He pauses, thumb hovering over his trackpad.

'Oh? '

"Yeah. They're a fire hazard or something. My lunch break is ending, so ' '

"Yeah, yeah ' ' Dazai waves him off, smiling positively

evilly

as he slowly revolves in his chair, like a movie villain. "Don't worry, you'd helped a lot."

Chuuya returns to an ultimatum.

Dazai looks a little

too

proud of himself when he slowly turns around in his chair, and Chuuya pauses. '...Did you burn down an orphanage or something? '

'No 'but speaking of

burning down

... ' Dazai whips out the local fire code. 'Looks like you 're a little

delinquent. '

Chuuya crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowing. 'Are you

that

petty? '

'You were the one who started this, not me... ' Dazai shrugs. 'It 's a shame...a

real

shame. '

'...What do you want? ' Chuuya asks flatly.

'I think you

know

what I want. '

'

Hell

no. '

'Then I guess you leave me no choice... ' Dazai sighs, standing from his chair dramatically. 'I 'll just have to go tell Kunikida senpai about your little bootleg sandwiches '"

Chuuya crosses his arms over his chest, calling his bluff.

'Go ahead. '

'Good, because I 'm going

right now. '

'Great, '

Chuuya clutches the stupid little machine to his chest defiantly. 'I

want you to! '

'Great! '

'Great! '

Which leaves Dazai stalking down the hallway, pissed that Chuuya hates him too much to even succumb to

blackmail

, and when he opens the RA 's door, he...

He realizes he 's been outplayed.

Outsmarted

, even.

And he 's in

shock

.

Kunikida turns around, his mouth full of a chicken Parmesan Panini as he glares at Dazai. 'What the hell are you barging in here for?! '

'That 's... ' Dazai points at the sandwich in disbelief 'That 's...! ' Kunikida stares at him like he 's lost his

mind

, and Dazai hopelessly, (

stupidly

) blurts out, 'For the gays! '

The blonde 's eyes narrow as he straightens up. 'What?! There 's nothing

gay

about a panini '"

'Wait, I 'no, I '" Dazai 's Brain is scrambling to catch up. 'Chuuya said that he was only giving them to '"

And then he puts it together.

Meats. Cheeses. They have to be refrigerated. And there 's only

one

fridge on their hall.

In Kunikida 's room.

They 've been in a

den of corruption

this entire time. 'You ' ' Dazai blinks, 'You

knew

' '

'Look, ' Kunikida takes a deep breath. 'Not all of us can

afford

to order in everyday while everything is shut down. If you want a sandwich that bad ' '

'He won 't give me one! '

'Really? ' Kunikida pinches the bridge of his nose. '

Look

, I get the immature attitude from the short stack, but you always seemed to at least be

rational

. ' Kunikida groans. 'You

know

it 's your own fault, okay? Just live with it. '

'

Or

, you could

make him

'"

'I am NOT a preschool teacher, damn it! '

'No, you 're just running down an underground panini ring! '

'You sound INSANE! '

"Do I?!"

Dazai throws his hands up, "Because I can't understand

why

he won't just ' '

"You know what, Dazai?!" Kunikida throws his hands up. 'It's not a

ring

, we're just making the best of a situation while we wait for the dining halls to open back up. And if you

really

want some home cooked food, aren't you from Yokohama?! ' Kunikida glares, 'You could literally just take the

train

and get something from you family, so would you

please

just stop acting like such a brat?! '

Dazai is somewhere in the middle of

insulted

and

extremely

depressed.

Because it's just now occurring to him 'chef's don't actually

count

as home cooked food, so...

Technically, Dazai has never had a home cooked meal in his

life

.

And if he went home this weekend in the efforts to get one, no one would be there.

"You know what?

Fine. '

Dazai shrugs, turning on his heel. 'At least I have

integrity. '

'You don't have a

single drop

of integrity in your body '! '

'Says the Panini Kingpin '!"

"Are you s

erious?! '

The door slams shut.

'You want me to

what? '

Odasaku sounds

baffled

on the phone the next morning. 'Osamu, I'd love to see you, but I don't really know how to cook either ' '

'I know, but we could google stuff, figure it out together, go see a movie or something... ' Dazai trails off, trying to sound lighthearted and

uninvested

. 'Do you not wanna hang out with

your baby brother

? I'm

wounded

. '

It's the smug tone that makes sure Odasaku doesn't

worry

, but it also means that he doesn't take the suggestion

seriously

. 'Look, I've got a double shift on Saturday and a morning shift on Sunday. What about a raincheck? '

'...Sure! ' Dazai

sounds

peppy, even if he doesn't

feel

it.

But

god

, he

really

doesn't feel it, because outside of his older brother...There's literally no one else for him to

ask

.

That never really felt like a big deal before. He's not sure why it does

now

.

Of course, it doesn't end there.

Given the parties involved, it escalates.

Dazai is walking off of the elevator, towards their dorm room, and he sees...

A line.

Of guys.

Waiting outside.

Of his room.

Holding

plates

.

He starts to shoulder his way

past

, when one guy throws an arm out. "Dude, what are you doing? We've been waiting for twenty minutes, you can't jump ahead in line ' '

Dazai gawks, "Line for

what?!

This is my room! '

"Oh!" Another guy exclaims, "You're the

roommate! '

And when Dazai steps inside, he sees Chuuya, that

stupid-fucking-panini-press,

and a

big

jar of cash. '...Oh, you've

got

to be kidding me." He mutters, his eyes narrowing.

Chuuya glances up at the same time as his timer goes off, and he opens up the press, plating a

nice

,

steaming

apple and brie sandwich, handing it off. "You know...

Dazai..." Chuuya sighs, like talking to him is some

chore

as he loads up another sandwich. "I'm just

experimenting

with entrepreneurship. You should get used to that. People do it all the time."

He is the

pettiest

,

brattiest

, most

immature

being Dazai has met in his

entire

life. And he has

no idea

why his heart is pounding in his chest right now, or why he just wants to

sink his teeth

into that stupid little smirk. It's

confusing

and honestly, a little fucking

upsetting '

"Fine." Dazai pulls out his wallet. "How much?"

Chuuya makes a face, "I thought I already

told you '"

"So..." Dazai raises an eyebrow, looking at the line of guys. "Every single one of them is gay?"

"What?" One of them blinks, shocked, "I'm not '! '

"So, if they're

for sale, '

Dazai shrugs. "How much?"

Chuuya's eyes narrow slightly. "There isn't enough money in the ' '

Dazai pulls out one bill.

A sizable one.

Then another.

Who even has that kind of cash just

sitting around in their wallet?!

'No. '

And another.

Chuuya bites his lip.

That's enough for a

really fancy

true-to-Scale replica of Cloud's sword in

Final Fantasy VII '

Not that Chuuya has the price memorized. That would be

ridiculous

.

Or that he's always fantasized about owning one. That would be

equally ridiculous.

"You can't

buy

forgiveness, you know '"

"What's going on in here?"

Everyone in the room freezes, turning around to see one of the assistant directors of on campus living standing in the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest.

And just like that, the

Great Panini Scheme of 2021

was

busted

.

Chuuya looks over at Dazai, "Did you

tell?! '

'Obviously

not, '

Dazai glares, shaking the money in his hand. "If I had, shit brains, why would I be trying to

buy one?! '

"I don't know!" Chuuya snaps, "You're a

sociopath

, obviously!"

'Boys! '

Thankfully, Chuuya didn't receive any

severe

punishment for his little foray into the world of

small business ownership.

That being said, he

did

have to pay a sizable fine, which resulted in him losing

most

of the money he'd made.

Not much gained in that scenario, other than annoying the

shit

out of Dazai.

And honestly? That's

enough

.