-3-

Expedition

Levi sat upright, ears straining so hard he could hear them ring. Had he overheard Erwin call his name next door, or had he dreamed it? It had sounded panicked, as if it were part of another nightmare.

He glanced at the window. A bit of warmth was already creeping into the night sky; it was probably about an hour before reveille. Normally, he would head to the men 's bath and get ready for his day, but that might mean running into Erwin again, and Levi was still angry and embarrassed about the rejection-that-wasn 't-quite-a-rejection on the rooftop. Still, the idea of starting the day without a bath felt wrong, and he might as well get a relaxing clean in now, because the communal bath that night was bound to be depressing. Post-expedition baths always were: blood and sweat and grown men struggling to hide their tears. With a soft sigh, he stood and, careful not to wake his bunkmates, grabbed his bucket of bath supplies.

Unlike the previous morning, the baths were empty, and Levi was annoyed to discover that he was disappointed. Even more annoying was the persistent bulge between his legs, the result of a couple days of neglect. He might as well have a quick jerk now, since the expedition was bound to sap his libido.

He stepped into a stall, careful not to let any part of his body touch the germ-coated walls. He tried his best not to think of Erwin, but the further along he got, the more his resolve faded. Soon he was picturing Erwin splayed across his desk, frantically tugging at himself, cheeks flushed, panting Levi 's name '

There wasn 't even time for the imaginary scenario to progress: he went under, a grunt escaping his clenched teeth before he could stop it.

Slowly, he came back to himself, to the toilet stall and the mess in his cupped palm. Shame seeped through him. Soon, he would have his own room, and he could have a more hygienic setting for his private time 'though so long as he kept picturing Erwin in compromising positions, he doubted a clean environment would make him feel any less dirty.

Once he had wiped up, he plunged his body into the freezing bath water and dunked his head. His eyes closed and bubbles trailed slowly from his lips as he cherished a moment of stillness underwater.

Then it was time for his cleaning ritual to begin. After he had washed himself from head to toe, he left the bath, skin red and tingling. He combed his hair and patted himself down with deodorant powder, then returned to his room. His bunkmates were just starting to awaken, bleary-eyed and messy-haired. His nose wrinkled. Soon, he would be living in his private room, where he wouldn 't have to deal with their snoring, night farts, and random odours.

Turning to face the wall, he dressed in a clean winter uniform, carefully tucking his cravat under the fur collar. He retrieved his 3D manoeuvre gear case from under his bed. The gear was only a contingency plan for this expedition, but he was glad to have the excuse to wear it. He had worn it so frequently before he joined the Survey Corps that he still felt naked without it.

You were always meant to fly,

said a voice in his mind, and he let out a huff, irritated that Erwin was still haunting his thoughts.

'You okay, Levi? ' a bunkmate asked

'We 're about to head past the wall. What the hell do you think? ' He hoisted the case off the ground and lugged it from the room. He 'd gear up in his new room, where he could fuss with the straps without disruption.

First, though, he needed some food. The mess hall was still empty, so he had a nice quiet meal to himself, washing it down with a cup of black tea. Others began to trickle in, grim expressions on their faces. There was none of the usual chatter and ruckus, and oddly, Levi found himself missing it. Silence was peaceful when he was alone, but in a group, it was unnerving. He quickly finished his meal and stood to leave.

He was just about to exit when Erwin stepped through the doorway, nearly colliding with him.

For a moment, their gaze held.

With an abrupt sigh, Levi began to move past, but a firm hand gripped his shoulder. He stopped, but didn 't look up.

'Are we still having that post-expedition drink tonight? ' Erwin asked.

Levi 's jaw clenched. 'Yeah, sure. '

The hand didn 't drop. He finally looked up and saw a crack in Erwin 's neutral fa 'ade: a crease by one eyebrow. He couldn 't decipher what it meant, but it looked like concern.

Is he worried about me? Maybe he really was yelling my name in his sleep.

'

Sounded like you were having nightmares again, ' he said, fishing for information.

The crease deepened. 'Stay safe today, Levi. ' The hand gave a squeeze before withdrawing, and Erwin continued on his way to the food service line. Levi ducked his head and left the hall, cursing his racing pulse.

As the troops gathered outside the stables, Levi mounted his horse, scratching her behind the ears. Survey Corps horses were worth a small fortune: they were strong, fast and almost impossible to spook. In his early days here, he had considered stealing one and selling it on the underground market, then living like a king for the rest of his days. The thought seemed infantile now that he knew how precariously humanity clung to survival. If he had gotten rich and sat around on his ass for the rest of his life, he would have been no better than the upper class he had always hated.

So much had changed since then. Back then, he had wanted to put Erwin down, thinking him another symbol of oppression, when in reality, he had given Levi more freedom than he had ever imagined possible. Not many people got to see the land outside the walls, and now that Wall Maria had fallen, even seeing the land outside Wall Rose was a rare privilege.

Levi heard a whoop behind him. Turning, he saw Hange bouncing up and down like a little kid, getting in the way of everyone who was trying to saddle up their horses. He rode closer.

'You all right? '

'Good morning, Squad Leader, ' Hange said. 'What a beautiful day for a ride. '

He dismounted. 'You 're excited? '

'Of course! '

'You 're insane. Where 's your horse? '

'Back by the stables. '

'Well, saddle it up and bring it over, shitgoggles. You 're going to hold up the entire expedition. '

Hange looked surprised. 'Shitgoggles? '

He looped a finger under the bridge of Hange 's prescription goggles and pulled, letting them snap back into place.

'Ow! '

'Your file said you lacked discipline, but I vouched for you anyway. Don 't make me regret it. '

'I 'll be in position in a moment. ' Hange hurried away, adjusting the goggles back into place.

Levi, meanwhile, approached the wagons. His squad was assembling, so he pulled a folded sheet out of his pocket and did a quick roll call. There were several new recruits on his squad; some of them looked terrified, but others, chatting quietly, seemed oblivious to the danger they were about to face.

Luckily, he wouldn 't have to micromanage them. Two Team Leaders had been assigned under him, a man and woman, Dita and Am 'lie. He conferred with them, making sure they understood their positions and had enough cartridges for their flare guns. They called him 'sir ' and treated him with so much respect that he felt like a fraud. He had climbed the ranks so quickly that he had outpaced both of them; if anything, he should be deferring to them, not the other way around.

In his periphery, he saw Hange approach the other squad and begin the roll call. It looked as if the expedition was going to start on time.

Sure enough, the tower bells rang right on schedule. The squads slowly left the base, filing through the front gates.

The path to the wall brought them through the town, and as usual, several townsfolk had gotten up early to see them off. Levi tried not to make eye contact with any of them. Seeing either hope or skepticism in their eyes would add extra pressure, and he didn 't need any more; his muscles were already tense, his stomach humming with adrenaline. As a Team Leader during the last expedition, he had failed to protect his team. He couldn 't do the same now that he was a Squad Leader, with even more people looking up to him.

They filtered through the outer gate, falling into formation on the other side. A strange, familiar sensation rippled through Levi: he was an outsider. The air outside the wall was the same air they breathed inside it, but it smelled more pure. The plant life was identical, but it seemed foreign and surreal. This was his third time on a major expedition, and, thanks to small scouting missions, his ninth time outside the wall, but he still felt as if he had no right to be here.

'This is creepy, ' one of the new recruits whimpered. 'It feels wrong. ' A couple others murmured their agreement.

Levi turned to them. 'Stop making yourselves nervous for no reason, idiots. This was our land until a year ago. '

Their heads bowed. Levi turned away and tried to take his own advice.

The morning air was still chilly enough to see his breath, but it was a clear day, so the sun would warm them up soon enough. A thin layer of frost coated the ground, restricting them, at first, to a slow pace 'the horses were sure-footed and stable, but there was no reason to take any risks so soon. Gradually, the frost melted, and their pace increased.

Levi 's eyes wandered across the formation. Far at the head of the group, he could see Erwin 's hair, golden in the sun. He rode next to Anke, ready to act as her tactician. Knowing that Erwin was partly in command helped the butterflies fade from Levi 's stomach. There was no one else he trusted to keep them safe.

An hour passed, then two, and his mood shifted from relaxation, to boredom, to apprehension. A crisp layer of snow coated the ground, and the crunching of the horse 's hooves was the only sound around them. No birds, no breeze, no clouds. Levi felt as though he were travelling through a tomb.

Then, at last, Anke shot a single white flare into the air: they were nearing their objective. Ahead of them, Levi could see a large silo, flanked by a cluster of trees. He took a deep breath and held it for several seconds, steeling himself.

As they approached the silo, the formation fanned out, forming a defensive perimeter, while Levi and Hange led the wagons to the silo. Levi scanned the perimeter. Everyone faced away from them, sitting tense and upright, clouds of breath puffing from their faces. It was like being surrounded by a fence of breathing statues, and he swallowed hard. Being fenced in made him nervous, even by allies.

'Okay, let 's get this shit over with. ' He motioned at Am 'lie 's team; they dismounted and began to inspect the silo 's locked door.

Hange moved in next to Levi, voice low: 'The troops should be concentrated near the trees in case of an ambush. We can easily see titans coming on the flat land, but not from the forest. '

'You 'll have to take that up with Erwin. ' Levi watched with anticipation as Am 'lie wrestled with the lock; the woman turned back to him and shook her head, and he sighed.

'Here. ' He handed his reins to Hange and dismounted. 'What 's the hold up? '

'Lock 's rusted shut, ' Am 'lie said. 'We can 't get it open. Should we try to ram down the door? '

'Let 's try a few things first. ' He bent to examine the lock, then reached into his boot and pulled out a small knife. The blade slid into the door jam and he experimentally wiggled the latch. In his experience, the military often cheaped out on bunker security; that was how he and his old friends had so easily stolen 3D manoeuvre gear back in the day, and how they consistently had access to the gas required to keep it moving. This lock, however, had a metal flap protecting the latch, so he couldn 't get a good angle on it.

'Shit. ' He stepped back to examine the silo. Metal, a good twenty metres tall, no windows. Two cannon nozzles jutted over the very top: an anchor point for gear. Maybe there was a hatch on the roof.

'Everything all right? '

He turned to see Erwin sitting atop a white horse, the sun framing his head like a halo.

No one has any business looking that regal.

'

Lock 's rusted. '

'Can you break in, Levi? '

Only Erwin would see his criminal days as an asset rather than a liability, and Levi felt badly about letting him down. 'Not without the proper tools. They 've got it locked up tight. ' He studied the roof. 'Think there 's a hatch on top? '

'Maybe. Go ahead and check. If that doesn 't pan out, we can always ram the door down. '

Levi stepped back and engaged his gear, anchoring a cable to a cannon.

'Wait. ' Erwin dismounted and moved in close, leaning down until his mouth was by Levi 's ear. 'While you 're up there, check our surroundings for titans. If you see any, and they 've noticed us, follow standard procedure with a red flare. If they haven 't, then wave instead to get my attention and point in the direction. If it 's all clear, fire a green flare. '

Levi studied him for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on, but he couldn 't find a single hint on Erwin 's face. 'What aren 't you telling me? '

After a long pause, Erwin said, 'Mike smells titans. '

'Oh. '

'Our scouts in the trees can 't get a clear line of sight. Maybe you can. '

'Sure. ' Levi turned his attention back to the roof and pulled the trigger. The gear 's mechanisms kicked into action, reeling him in, a blast of gas propelling him toward the roof. He landed on the rooftop, his boots giving a soft thud on the metallic surface. There was a hatch in the centre of the roof, a padlock holding it shut.

Even though he had direct orders, he didn 't want to look for titans. He hadn 't set eyes on them since the expedition that had wiped out his team, and he was afraid of how he would react, seeing them for the first time since the traumatic event. He had seen hardened soldiers sob and scream in the same situation, seen them wet themselves with fear.

Slowly, reluctantly, he raised his head.

The titans were everywhere except the forest: north, east, south. None of them seemed to have noticed the soldiers; they were too far away, shuffling aimlessly like drunks. From this distance, they seemed small and stupid. Levi was surprised to find himself feeling not fear, but revulsion.

We 're smarter than them

, he thought.

There 's no reason we can 't wipe them out.

But not today. This wasn 't the right place to make their stand.

He lifted his arm to signal Erwin, who echoed the gesture. Levi pointed north, east and south, then drew a path between the points, signalling that they were nearly surrounded. There was a long pause, then Erwin waved back and leaned in to speak with Anke.

The titans were their problem now. Levi focused on his next task: the hatch. He crouched over it. The lock here was rusted, too, but so was the latch, and it looked fragile. He jammed his knife beneath it and gave an expert twist. The entire latch snapped off. There was that military cheapness he had been expecting earlier.

What a piece of shit.

Leaving a cable affixed to the cannon, Levi lowered himself into the silo, using the gas to control his descent. As he neared the ground, he pulled out a small white flare and held it out. The room was nearly empty. In the corner, he could see a dozen or so boxes of cannon rounds: mostly pomegrenades, a few grapeshots. A handful of ration boxes sat in another corner, along with two gas tanks, a small team 's supply of blades, and some unfamiliar red boxes stamped with the royal seal.

Levi 's eyes narrowed. Erwin had been talking about this silo as if its supplies would greatly benefit them. Was this tiny cache really worth risking their lives?

His feet touched the ground and, leaving his cable attached to the roof, he walked over to the door. The interior lock was still in good shape, so he gave a bolt an experimental twist.

The door creaked open, revealing a surprised Am 'lie and her team.

He disengaged his gear and retracted the cable, stepping into the light. 'Fill the carts, but be quick and quiet. '

'Everything all right? ' Hange asked.

'I need to talk to the assholes in charge. Make sure these idiots are careful 'there are live cannon rounds in there. ' A single pomegrenade could blow open a titan 's neck; he didn 't want to think what a whole boxful of them could do.

Hands tightening into fists, he marched toward Anke and Erwin. The two dismounted as he approached.

'How many? ' Anke asked.

'Lots. ' Levi glared at them. 'There 's less than a cart 's worth of supplies in there. '

She paled. 'What do you mean, 'lots '? '

'There 's barely enough in that silo to supply

me,

let alone this whole shitty division. '

'Okay, Levi, but the titans ' '

'Did you not hear me? We 've been set up to fail. Whoever told you two this silo was stocked flat-out lied to you. '

She gave an exaggerated groan and clawed her fingers into her crown braid. 'For fuck 's sake! Erwin, can you please get through to him? '

'Levi, ' Erwin said quietly. 'You and I can discuss the silo 's contents later. For now, we need to know more about what we 're up against so we can minimize the risks. How many did you see? '

'Twenty, maybe thirty. Too far away to tell their heights, but not big ones. They haven 't noticed us yet, but they might if Anke keeps screaming at me. '

The two leaders exchanged a long glance.

'Grab the cargo, ' Anke said. 'Then let 's get the hell out of here. '

When Levi returned to the silo, the carts were almost completely loaded, the sparse supplies divided evenly between them.

'We 're almost done, ' Hange said.

'See what I mean? There 's shit-all in there, ' he said.

'We might as well take what 's here. ' Hange leaned closer, voice lowering. 'How many? '

'What? '

'Titans. '

'Probably thirty. '

Hange grinned. 'Thirty! What did they look like? '

'What do you think? Naked, big, dumb expressions. Hopefully we don 't see any of them close up. ' He folded his arms over his chest, watching the new recruits bring in the boxes of cannon ammo, and sighed. They had stacked four boxes on top of each other and were handling them as if they contained potatoes instead of live rounds. 'Hey, one at a time with those boxes. '

'So do you think these titans ' ' Hange began, but one of the recruits yelled, 'Watch out! ' followed by, 'Shit! '

Levi 's eyes locked onto them.

A box of pomegrenades was falling toward the ground.

Instinctively, he shielded his head and spun on his heel, trying to distance himself from them, but there wasn 't enough time. He saw a flash, heard a bang so loud that his head rang. The ground disappeared beneath his feet, and he felt himself twisting in the air.

Then he was lying on his back, and red flares were firing in every direction above him, and then everything faded.

Erwin stared at the site of the explosion. The smoke and dust began to settle, revealing an overturned cart and a smoking pit. Soldiers ran back and forth, mounting horses, moving the remaining carts.

Levi. Where is Levi?

'

Erwin! ' Anke pointed up.

Red flares fired in every direction above them, and he cursed under his breath. The sound of the explosion had attracted the titans. He gauged the sky, looking for the direction with the least traffic.

'Southeast. '

Anke lifted her gun and fired a green canister southeast. 'Let 's move. '

He was about to follow, but as he glanced at the explosion site, he saw team members frantically pulling the wounded onto the carts, scrambling to finish before the charging titans reached them. A few soldiers used the cannons atop the silo as grappling points, launching themselves in the air to take out the approaching enemies. There was still no sign of Levi.

'Erwin, ' Anke yelled, looking back. 'Come on. Move it! '

He narrowed his eyes and circled back toward the silo instead. Keeping a good distance between himself and the titans, he galloped past the explosion site and scanned the rubble for Levi. The last cart was just pulling away, and there was no sign they had left anyone behind. With a low sigh of relief, he rode ahead, catching up to Anke.

She glared at him. 'Erwin, what the hell was that? '

'Just checking for survivors, ' he said, yelling to be heard over the hoof beats.

Her brows dropped. 'Really? This is the time you choose to lose your head? It 's Henrik all over again. '

Heat crept onto his cheeks, but he kept his focus on the horizon.

Red flares went up from their right flank: titans were approaching.

'Shit! ' Anke shot a green flare to the east, directing their course away from the titans. 'Shit. This isn 't good. '

'Just keep riding. Trust in the formation. This is no different than when you were Captain. ' His eyes ticked north, east and south, over and over, his mind alert.

More red flares went off to their right, a single black flare among them.

'Abnormal incoming, ' he said.

'Acknowledged. ' Anke 's knuckles were white on the reins.

Another black flare, closer. Now Erwin could see the group of titans: two normal, one abnormal, seven-metre class. Several scouts were in pursuit. The two normal titans dropped, but the abnormal was cutting through the line, too swift for them to land an anchor point. It beelined for the head of the formation.

He readied his gear. 'It 's cutting through our defenses. We 'll have to fight. '

'Too dangerous on flat ground, ' Anke yelled. 'Continue the retreat. '

'We can 't outrun this one. It 's twenty-five metres away. Twenty. Fifteen. ' He stood in his stirrups, jaw set, finger poised over the trigger.

One of the scouts landed a grapple on the abnormal 's neck. She launched herself at it and swung low. The titan swiped at her, but she arced out of the way, narrowly avoiding its hand. Her blades sliced into the titan 's knee.

The titan stumbled and fell, and for a moment, it looked as if the problem was solved. Then its hand lashed out, catching the rump of Anke's horse. Anke and her horse rolled to the ground, and the titan crawled after them.

Erwin vaulted off his horse. Now that the titan was prone, he easily sank a grapple into its head. Twisting mid-air, he used his momentum to curve around the back of its neck. His blades dug deep into the flesh at its nape.

The titan fell slack, and its body began to dissolve into vapour.

'Anke! ' Erwin pushed through the wall of steam, searching for her. He found her lying in front of the titan in a pool of blood. One leg was severed at the knee.

'Shit. ' He sprinted back to his horse and pulled a first aid kit out of his saddlebag, then returned to her side.

'It hurts so much, ' she whimpered.

'I know, ' he said, even though he didn 't. 'Stay with me. ' He jerked her tattered pants up her thigh, looping a tourniquet above her knee. His hands were so slippery with blood that it took a few tries to wind it tightly. A few soldiers slowed as they passed by, but seeing none of them were medics, he waved them on.

'I 'm not going to make it. I 'm losing too much blood. '

'The tourniquet is on now. You 'll be fine. ' In the corner of his eye, he could see a new group of titans approaching, three five-metre classes. Where was their right flank? Had they all been wiped out, or had everyone moved ahead without them?

'Erwin, ' Anke said. 'Leave me. '

Ignoring her, he hoisted her over his back, struggling to mount his horse. By the time he got her settled in place behind him, the titans were closing in. He gave the horse a small kick and leaned forward, urging it to gallop as fast as it could.

'I 'm slowing you down. Let me go. '

Her grip around his waist was loosening. He grabbed her wrist, locking her in place. She was shaking, and her skin was cold. Behind them, he could hear the titans ' thudding footsteps over the hoof beats.

They 're closing in.

'Erwin, listen to me. ' Her words were interrupted by gasping breaths at uneven cadences. 'I 'm fading. We don 't both need to die. '

His throat tightened.

She thrust her free hand into view. Her Commander 's pendant was in her palm, smeared with blood.

'Anke, don 't do this. '

'Take it and let me go. '

He gritted his teeth and leaned further forward. There was still a chance they could outrun the titans and get her to a medic.

'That was an order, Captain, ' she said.

Shit!

He swallowed hard and released her captive arm, accepting the pendant. 'Everyone will know about your bravery, Anke. '

'That 's what I like to hear. ' She gave him a quick hug. 'Make humanity proud, Commander Smith. '

He heard the sound of her gear engaging, and then she pulled away. He looked back to watch her arc toward the first titan, grappling its shoulder. Even with only one leg, with only one direction at her disposal, she still managed to land on its back and drop it. With a blood-curdling scream, she launched at the next titan.

She didn 't make it. The titans descended on her, and Erwin turned away.

Now that his horse was carrying a lighter load, it effortlessly caught up to the group. He kept it running hard, aiming to find his place among the vanguard. Dozens of sets of frightened eyes locked onto him as he passed, but he set his jaw, gaze fixed forward.

When he had finally reclaimed his position at the head of the formation, he remembered the pendant. He had been gripping the reins tightly with the same hand; the shape of the pendant was indented in his palm like a brand. Not bothering to wipe off the blood, he draped it around his neck.

'Erwin. '

He turned to see Mike riding beside him, eyes wide.

'Get back in formation, Mike. '

'Is she gone? '

Erwin paused to steady his nerves before answering, but he was surprised to find there were no nerves to steady. He felt nothing. Anke, passionate, take-charge Anke, who he had known since she was a freckle-faced girl of twelve, had given her life for him, and he felt nothing.

'Erwin, answer me! '

'Get back in formation. ' Freeing his flare gun from his belt, Erwin raised it high to shoot a green flare due north.

They rode hard for another quarter hour with no further sign of titans. Erwin slowed their pace to give the horses a break, but without the racing hoof beats and rushing wind in his ears, he could hear the wails and moans of the injured and the bereaved. He tried to ignore them, focusing on the speech he would give as they rallied outside the gates. So long as he kept himself executing a plan, he wouldn 't have space to consider his emotions 'or rather, his startling lack of them.

Once the walls were in sight, he fired a white flare, a signal for everyone to stop and assemble. The formation condensed into rows, the horses halting. Erwin studied the soldiers. Ashen, dirty faces, blood-stained clothes, stunned silence. At least there seemed to be a large number of survivors. He scanned the crowd for Levi, but the rear guard was so densely packed that it was only a sea of faces.

Focus

, he told himself. He would be Levi 's friend later; right now, he needed to be his Commander.

He sat tall in the saddle.

'Commander Anke is dead, ' he announced. 'She died a hero, taking down pursuing titans even when afflicted with a grave injury. She dedicated every last beat of her heart to the pursuit of freedom, and her memory will be our inspiration. ' He gave a strong salute, his fist thudding into his body. 'Commander Anke, we salute you! '

The soldiers saluted, the collective thump so loud that it reverberated through Erwin 's bones.

'As we enter the gates, hold your heads high. ' His fists, still in the salute, were so tight that his knuckles ached. 'Today, we have seen hell and come through the other side. We have lost a leader, and many of you have lost friends, but you made it through. Today, you proved that you are humanity 's finest soldiers. We shall rally stronger than before. '

The soldiers roared as Erwin led the charge toward the gate. The bells rang, sounding their arrival.

A crowd gathered inside the gate, most of them looking for loved ones among the returning soldiers. Erwin dismounted and held his chin high, not making eye contact with anyone as he led his horse through the street. His numbness was his armour, and any grieving onlooker might have the power to pierce it. There was more work he had to endure tonight: the Squad Leaders would give their casualty report, and he would fill out the paperwork. That was something he had never done before, and he wondered if he, as interim Commander, had any right to do it. As soon as they arrived at the base, he would send a messenger to the Capital to advise his superiors of the situation. Maybe they could send an advisor out to help him.

Once all the necessary bureaucracy was taken care of, he was going to take a nice long bath, then have that drink with Levi and put all this horror out of his mind.

He left his horse with one of the new recruits, giving it an affectionate pat on the neck. He wouldn 't have made it through without that horse, and he hoped it would be given the finest feed as a reward.

'Squad Leaders, ' he called, 'report to my office. I 'll join you shortly. ' He pulled one of the Team Leaders aside and gave instructions to hire a messenger. The sooner they got word to the brass, the sooner he could finish the paperwork and put this mission behind him.

When he arrived in his office to meet the Squad Leaders, he stopped in the doorway, staring.

Squad Leaders Mike and Berit stood at attention, and Team Leaders Dita and Eld stood beside them. No Levi. No Hange.

Erwin 's breath froze. He had never considered that Levi might die on the field; his skill and speed were so exceptional that he seemed invincible.

Four pairs of eyes locked expectantly onto him, but he wasn 't ready to acknowledge them. He wanted to linger here, in this moment before his fears were confirmed, where there was still hope. His numbness finally began to drain from him, leaving black spots swimming in his eyes. Fear settled in his stomach like a boulder of ice.

'Erwin? ' Mike 's tone was the tone someone would use to speak to a person on the verge of a breakdown.

'Where are Squad Leaders Levi and Hange? ' Erwin demanded.

'They didn 't make it out, sir, ' Eld said.

'What do you mean? '

Eld and Dita exchanged a glance, and the latter stepped forward, clearing his throat. 'They didn 't make it out. They were at the centre of the blast, near the flank that was taken out by the titans. We recovered some bodies, but there was no sign of either of them. We presume they died in the explosion or were eaten. '

Impossible.

Erwin 's head spun.

They 're skilled soldiers. They must have taken refuge, then lagged behind on the ride home. They 'll arrive at the gates in the next hour or two.

He clenched his trembling hands into fists.

Now all four personnel exchanged glances.

'Erwin? ' Mike asked. 'Do you need a minute? '

'I 'm fine. Let 's get started. ' Somehow, he found his way to his seat without sinking to the floor. He pulled out a sheet of paper, a pen, and an ink pot, then opened the next-of-kin file that sat on his desk. How carelessly he had set it out the night before; how far away death had seemed then.

A memory of lemon scent surfaced, but he shoved it back under. He could break down later, if he needed to. Right now, he had work to do.

'You first, Berit. '

'Sir. ' She stepped forward and saluted. 'Nine casualties in my squad, three bodies recovered. ' She began to list off names.

Erwin tried to note them down, but his hand was shaking so badly that his words were illegible. His vision blurred. He cursed softly to himself, furious that his body would betray him.

'Here, ' Mike said quietly, taking the pen from his hand. 'I 'll take notes. You dictate the next of kin. '

Clearing a knot from his throat, Erwin said, 'Thank you. '

They went through all the casualties one at a time, and even though the number was, as he had suspected, low for an expedition of this size, that was no longer a consolation. Erwin read the next-of-kin document mechanically, barely paying attention to the syllables. His ears were straining for the sound of bells, for the announcement that more Survey Corps members were safely inside the walls.

'And finally, ' Dita said, voice cracking, 'Levi, last name unknown. '

He isn 't dead. He isn 't dead! He isn 't '

Erwin drew in a deep breath and held it, then slowly let it out.

'Commander? '

'One moment. ' Erwin 's finger found the name and slid across it, feeling the indentation from Levi 's heavy hand. 'Next of kin, Erwin Sm ' ' His voice died before he could finish. He stared at his name, certain he must have misread.

A long, heavy silence filled the room.

'I suppose, ' Mike said finally, 'you were the closest thing he had to a living friend. '

Has

, thought Erwin.

The closest thing he has to a living friend.

He cleared his throat again. 'Is that everyone, Dita? '

'Yes, sir. '

'Then there 's only one more person to note: Commander Anke Roth. Next of kin, a sister, Sara Roth, Stohess District. ' Standing, he added, 'Everyone is dismissed. '

Most of them seemed eager to leave, but Mike lingered. 'Erwin, about Anke ' '

'We 'll talk later. '

'No, listen ' '

Erwin stood. 'Dismissed, Mike. '

Mike 's lip curled, but he saluted, turned, and left the room, the door closing hard behind him.

Erwin paced toward the window and sagged against it, letting his forehead fall against the cool glass. Any moment now, Levi and Hange would ride into the yard, maybe with a few other soldiers in tow. They would share drinks as Levi recounted a wild story about their escape, and tomorrow, their lives would return to normal.

He had to be right. There was no other option. Beneath his numbness, beneath his denial, a dangerous pressure was beginning to build, and he wasn 't sure what would happen if it erupted.

Levi groaned. His head throbbed, his stomach twisted, and he was cold. Something hard and knotted was digging into his back.

Where the hell am I?

He could make out Hange leaning over him, wide eyes magnified by the goggles. 'Levi? Can you hear me? ' The words rocketed through his skull.

'Not so loud. What happened? ' He struggled to sit.

'Easy. I think you have a bad concussion. ' Hange helped him sit up, and his vision gradually came into focus. They sat on a thick tree branch in the middle of the forest. A group of five titans clawed at the tree trunk below them, all of them three- to seven-metre class.

'What the hell? ' Had he ventured into the trees during the expedition? When he tried to recall what had happened, his mind felt sluggish.

'Beautiful specimens, aren 't they? ' Hange said.

'No, they 're hideous. ' Looking down was making his head throb, and he clutched at his temples.

'Easy, ' Hange said again. 'You 've been unconscious for awhile. '

'How long? '

'Seven, eight hours. '

'What? '

That 's not good.

He tried to stand, but his legs were too weak. 'Why are we up a fucking tree? '

'Titans closed in on us while we were stunned from the explosion. The only safe place to go was up, so I grabbed you and pulled us into the trees. Some of them followed us, so I had to fight. ' Hange beamed. 'Took down five without any assists. '

'Five? ' His brows rose, impressed, and a flush coloured Hange 's cheeks.

'Well, it wasn 't so difficult, because these titans are particularly stupid. I think that 's why they didn 't notice us until they heard the cannon rounds explode. '

He tried to remember this explosion that kept coming up, but the impact must have rocked his skull, because his memories were jumbled.

'Are we alone out here? ' he asked.

'As far as I can tell. We 're about five hundred metres from the horses, if they 're still waiting where we left them. I 'd call them, but the undergrowth is too thick for them to reach us. I 'm almost out of water, and I expended all my gas getting you here and then taking down those titans. '

'Great. ' Levi popped out a gas canister to check his levels: three-quarters full. He shouldn 't have wasted so much gas getting into the silo. He closed his eyes, trying to force his uncooperative brain to concentrate. 'So if we go for the horses from here and I carry you, how much gas will we need? '

'It doesn 't matter. ' Hange 's legs dangled off the branch, heels kicking. 'Even assuming the horses are there and we make it to them, we 're nearing sunset. We can 't run the horses at full speed in the darkness, even if we lit our torches; they would outrun the torchlight. All we 'd be doing is lighting ourselves up as defenseless targets. '

Frustration welled within Levi. 'So, what, we 're stuck here until morning? '

'Yes. '

'Shit. ' Levi drummed his heels against the branch as he peered down at the titans. The light around them was orange and dimming. Soon, the temperature would drop even more. He didn 't want to think about how cold it would get. The Survey Corps winter uniforms were made to withstand reasonably cool weather, but expeditions usually halted during the coldest part of the year.

Guess we 're going to find out how well these uniforms stand up to the cold.

His head was still spinning; he tried to focus.

If there are other soldiers out here, maybe we can all huddle together to stay warm. '

Are we alone out here? '

Hange was quiet for a moment. 'You already asked that. Here, let me have a look at your eyes. ' A hand gripped his jaw; he tried to pull away, but the grip was too strong. 'Well, at least your pupils are the same size. Hopefully your forgetfulness is just the concussion and not permanent brain damage. But don 't sit so close to the edge. You could lose your balance. '

'I 'm fine. ' He wasn 't. His head swam, and the only thing that kept him from vomiting was dignity. He also had the overpowering urge to fall asleep, but he had already lost seven hours of the day to unconsciousness, and he wasn 't about to lose more.

'They 're going to think we 're dead, ' he said. 'Erwin and Anke are probably sending our death notices to the Capital right now. '

'Probably. '

'Might as well be dead. What do you think the odds are that we make it back? '

There was no response, and Levi glanced at Hange, who seemed lost in thought. At least if he had been stuck up here with Erwin, this might have been more tolerable: talking to pass the time, clinging to each other for warmth, working together to figure out a way home.

'This didn 't need to happen, ' Hange said suddenly. 'We shouldn 't have formed a perimeter that thin. It left us vulnerable. '

'Erwin said several scouting missions had been here before. There were never any titans. '

'That didn 't mean there were never going to be any. And here we are. '

'Yeah. Here we are. ' Levi leaned forward, studying the titans. Their movements were slowing. Maybe they got tired at the end of the day, like animals. He hoped so. If that were the case, they could wait until the titans were asleep, then sneak away undetected.

His frustration began to build. The only thing he hated more than being trapped was waiting, and now he had to deal with both at the same time. He reacted by lashing out. 'Why the hell did you take me into the forest? If you had headed toward the group ' '

Hange looked surprised. 'We were penned in. I needed to get to high ground. '

'At least if you took me to the top of the silo, we could have dropped into it for shelter tonight, instead of being stuck in a fucking tree. '

For the first time since they met, he saw a flash of anger behind the goggles. 'Like I said, we were penned in. Maybe I could have manoeuvred through the titans to get to the group or to the silo if I were alone, but I was carrying your dead weight. '

'So now it 's my fault. '

Hange looked away. 'Your concussion is amplifying your emotions and making you irrational. I 'm sure you 'll thank me for saving your life once you can think straight again. '

Levi felt a wave of shame, but he was too proud to apologize. He closed his eyes, wishing fervently that he was back at the base, having that drink Erwin had promised him. He couldn 't even remember the last words they had exchanged. If he had known how things would go, what would he have said? A confession? A playful insult? A thank you?

He recalled the way he had dreaded bumping into Erwin that morning; that dread seemed foreign now. Maybe love and sex were off the table, but he was okay with being friends, if that was what Erwin wanted. They had bonded on that rooftop, and that bond was meaningful, no matter what the context.

'You know what, Hange? When morning comes, we 're going to get to the horses just fine. I don 't care how little gas we have, or how hard it is to manoeuvre two people with one set of gear: I 'll get us there. '

'How can you be sure? ' There was a waver to the words, and that uncertainty only gave Levi more resolve.

'Because a good man once told me I was always meant to fly, and I 'm going to prove him right. '