Early November, 'Six Years, Nine and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

Port Mafia Record 's CEO Sets the Record Straight About Double Black Feud

is the subheadline of the article. It 's not even close to the most irritating thing about it, but Dazai is deeply annoyed by it. Mostly because of how it 's a humongous lie.

He hadn 't expected this when he 'd walked into work this morning. After a couple weeks had gone by without a response from Chuuya, he hadn 't thought he was likely to get one. Chuuya 's anger usually had an extremely short and extremely explosive fuse. He didn 't often take the time to plan out his revenges, he liked to get them as immediately and as viciously as possible. This is out of character for him.

(There 's a nagging voice in the back of his head saying maybe this

is

in character for him now. Maybe he 's changed, and Dazai just doesn 't know him anymore. Dazai shuts that voice down harshly.)

Regardless, the article is an offensive series of half-truths designed by Mori to reclaim the narrative and make the chess pieces all line up in his favor. The beginning is a bunch of trash about the future direction of Port Mafia Records, Akutagawa, and some other rising artists and groups. Dazai skims through it to get to the parts about himself.

Q: What do you have to say about the escalating animosity between Nakahara and Dazai?

A: Oh, I wouldn 't take it all that seriously. Those two are always at odds. It 's much more frightening when they are getting along. People always used to ask me how I got the idea to put them together, but it was actually their idea. But when it comes to how they approach music, they are complete opposites, so arguing is their natural state of being. They used to do it in front of a much smaller audience, but now with things being what they are, it 's turned into this. When it comes down to it they both deeply respect the other professionally, so I wouldn 't place much stock in this squabble.

Q: What about Chuuya 's comments about hating

Corruption?

There was a lot of fan outcry about that.

A: Chuuya is an artist, and he feels very strongly about the music he creates. I 've never met anyone who pours more of themselves into their music. He 's an inspiration, and we 're very lucky to have him at Port Mafia Records. That being said, he can get very passionate about those feelings. I don 't think he really believes that

Corruption

is overrated. I think he gets annoyed that people try to trap him in the success of that one song. Chuuya has been a guiding hand in creating phenomenal music the past couple years. He likes to focus on the future and new things instead of dwelling on the past.

The rest of it goes on to say more, but Dazai doesn 't bother reading on. The worst thing is that it isn 't all false. There had been a time where arguing with Chuuya was his normal. But that time had long passed. And this argument in particular is the most real and nasty one they 've ever had, it is not harmless jabs. Dazai isn 't usually an angry person, but he 's still furious even months later.

Not to mention Chuuya 's distaste for

Corruption

had nothing to do with being annoyed at the popularity of the song. Dazai actually wishes it were that simple.

Dazai can 't help but admire Chuuya 's response, getting the person Dazai hates most in the world to answer for him. It stings, and it also had a different message that Chuuya wasn 't going to play this game anymore. He 's still glaring at the article when the president approaches his desk.

'I just got off the phone with Ogai Mori, ' announces Fukuzawa. He doesn 't seem pleased at all about the phone call. He fixes his gaze on Dazai, eyes solemn. 'We 've reached an agreement about this business between you and Nakahara. '

'What sort of agreement? ' asks Dazai, already dreading the answer. Leave it to Chuuya to have a double-pronged strategy. He 'd never been one to back down, and there was a reason Dazai had never been able to pull off a definitive win in all their conflicts. Dazai would be impressed if it were directed at anyone other than himself.

'In the mutual interest of both parties, ' says Fukuzawa, tone serious, 'The two of you are no longer going to speak about the other in public. If asked, you will respond that you have no comment. This is nonnegotiable, Dazai. '

'I understand, ' says Dazai, though the words stick a little in his throat. But it is sincere, he would never dare to disobey a direct order from the president.

Fukuzawa had taken a huge chance on Dazai when he 'd hired him. He 'd taken him in when he was still clearly at odds with Port Mafia Records. With all the legal (and not so legal) resources at PMR 's disposal, that was a bold move for the much smaller and less well known Audio Detective Agency.

Fukuzawa hadn 't been intimidated though. He 'd only said that he knew and was not afraid of Mori, and they hadn 't discussed it any further. Dazai has held a huge amount of respect for the man since. He might not always display it, but his opinion means a great deal to Dazai.

He isn 't going to do anything to jeopardize that, or the ADA. Dazai hadn 't thought he would ever care so much about the place he works for (he never had with PMR), but he 's surprisingly attached to it. The people here are good, and they work tirelessly to do all the work that PMR has legions of people to complete. The end products might not be as polished, but they 're certainly made with more integrity.

Dazai 's past and unresolved issues with Port Mafia Records are already delicate subjects around the office, and ones that he typically doesn 't like to draw more attention to. Normally he never would have acted like this, but his logic had never been as sound when it came to Chuuya, an unfortunate side effect from his teenage years that he hasn 't been able to shake.

Fukuzawa seems to believe him anyway (sometimes Dazai worries everyone here is a bit

too

trusting). He simply nods. 'You will also acknowledge the anniversary of

Corruption

in January, ' says Fukuzawa, tone still serious but eyes kinder, as if he knows the news he 's giving is unwelcome and grating.

'

It doesn 't have to be anything extravagant, just a show of good faith that the hatchet has been buried. '

Dazai has made a career out of lying, so he shouldn 't be as bothered to have to do this. He 's had to do things that required much more from him that a simple acknowledgement. But this lie in particular burns more than any others that he can remember (because the hatchet is

not

even a little bit buried).

'No problem, ' says Dazai, flashing a huge grin at the president. He throws in a thumbs up to push it over the top.

'Thank you, ' says Fukuzawa, bowing slightly. He turns to go back to his office, but is caught by Ranpo and forced into a conversation about why the ADA needed a new toaster oven for the break room.

Dazai watches, not really listening. He 's clutching the article in his hands tightly, slowly ruining the pages.

February, One Month Since the Release of Corruption

Everyone had told Chuuya that the album was going to do well. He 'd been reassured over and over again. Everyone had been wrong.

The album isn 't doing well, the album is having an almost unprecedented level of success.

The numbers are kind of too large for Chuuya to comprehend. He remembers the feeling of intense victory he 'd gotten when they 'd gotten shitty local radio stations to play one of their songs back with The Sheep. Now it 's like he can 't go anywhere without hearing himself on the radio, and on real national stations. The social media pages he 'd been forced to create by the marketing people are blowing up.

Kouyou had warned him (back when she was speaking to him) about how success could change a person 's life. She had said that fame was like a spotlight without an off switch. Chuuya gets what she means now. It 's like overnight Chuuya Nakahara has become a household name. He can 't even walk down to the corner store to pick up ramen without being recognized. It is beyond weird.

It is also kind of awesome.

The number of times people have reached out to him online or in person to tell him they like their music is insane. Chuuya knows that people make music for all kinds of reasons, for fame, for money, because it 's their job. But music has never been just work for Chuuya, music is the thing that makes him feel alive. So to hear that other people connect to the music he made, the stuff that came from him, is fucking incredible.

The album is doing particularly well in Asia. Chuuya had barely hid his pleased smirk over that when Mori had told him. Apparently the Southeast Asian division of PMR had gone full out promoting it. (Chuuya had sent a copy of Double Black to Arthur as soon as they were finished with it. He hadn 't included a note. He supposes this counts as Arthur 's reply.)

He finds himself spending more time with PMR 's CEO than he ever did before. While Mori had always been his odd and cold version of pleasant and cheerful in their previous encounters, now he seems less cheerful but more genuine. Chuuya might actually believe him when he says he likes the album. Chuuya often ends up lingering and talking to Mori for longer than what he went to see him about. Mori will ask his opinion on snippets of songs or piano arrangements. Chuuya is honest and tries not fuck up this new dynamic. Chuuya is kind of surprised to find that he

likes

Mori as more than just a boss.

Dazai is never present during these instances. When Dazai is there, the interaction is never longer than it needs to be. It 's like Mori and Dazai are both completely different people when they 're in the same vicinity. And both of those people are crazy and unpleasant, and Chuuya can 't stand to be around the two of them together. So he just tries to get out of there with Dazai flinging as few insults at their boss as possible.

There is, of course, a dark point to all of these changes. And its name is

Corruption.

Naturally, it's their most popular song by a huge margin. When Chuuya hears them on the radio, that 's the song that 's playing. Nine times out of ten when someone reaches out to compliment him it's about

Corruption

. Barely anyone at PMR had heard the song before they 'd released it, so he 's not even safe in the office from endless people coming up to him and telling him how great it is. Chuuya can 't go anywhere without

oh grantors of dark disgrace

following him.

It 's not that he hates the song. It 's more complicated than that. It contains so much about himself that he would rather keep hidden. It feels like he 's screaming his secrets for the whole world to hear, that everyone will hear how fucked up he is in the notes. Every time he sings it he has to get back in the headspace of those feelings. Every time he strikes the keys of the piano in the solo he has to draw on that maelstrom of anger and pain and pathetic longing he usually shoves down as far as it can go.

On the other hand, it is also about him and Dazai. Chuuya had thought that he wouldn 't be able to write music with anyone. He 'd never thought he would be able to show someone the things that went on inside his head. Dazai had taken every doubt he 'd ever had and crushed them into dust. Chuuya hadn 't even planned to tell Dazai anything. He had been working alone on a song that is still unfortunately hard to push out of his mind when all of a sudden Dazai had been there and Chuuya was telling him everything. But he doesn 't have any regrets, telling him had felt right.

The feeling he gets when Dazai cuts him off in the middle of the solo in

Corruption

, Chuuya has never felt more

known

. It 's dizzying and terrifying and Chuuya hates it and craves it and spends a lot of time actively trying not not think about it.

Luckily,

Corruption

isn 't their only song. With that exception, singing with Dazai is as easy as breathing. Chuuya doesn 't have to think about harmonizing or pacing, it just comes naturally. Chuuya thinks it 's partially due to Dazai 's genius and their compatibility as partners (not that he would ever say that out loud to another person).

Writing the album together has made them into something new and distinct. Dazai could be such a fucking shit at times, but Chuuya

trusts

him. There isn 't anyone else who he could do this with. There isn 't anyone else who he

wants

to do this with.

Partners, Chuuya had called them. It 's a fitting description. There are still things that Chuuya doesn 't know about Dazai (because he 's secretive and a liar almost done to his very core apparently), but Chuuya knows the important things. He doesn 't really give a shit why he wears bandages or how he started working for PMR in the first place. Well, he

does

want to know that stuff, but it pales in comparison to knowing who Dazai

is

underneath all his bullshit.

Chuuya has seen his mind at work, expertly coming up with music as if it 's just another language he speaks. He 's noticed how he gets the most genuine joy out of video games or cheap junk food rather than the extravagant things he could afford with his PMR salary. He knows it is, in fact, possible to truly piss him off, and when he 's actually angry he lashes out aggressively and doesn 't believe in apologies. He 's been on the receiving end of the subtle kindness that Dazai excels in giving without ever expecting any thanks (and in fact preferring it if you don 't call attention to it all) that he never would have anticipated from the jackass he thought he was when they were fifteen (he still

is

a jackass, just a very different kind).

They 're practically living together. Chuuya has thought about taking the plunge to make it official and moving to one of the nicer dorms with two bedrooms. But Dazai is so skittish about this kind of stuff and between all the tour prep, Chuuya figures it can wait. Dazai is the one who 's sleeping on a couch, and he isn 't complaining.

Chuuya is extremely eager to go on tour. He 'd been surprised when Mori had sprung the idea on them without warning, but after he 'd gotten over his shock he got excited. He 'd always loved performing. Getting to play shows with Dazai is something he hadn 't know how much he wanted until the offer was in front of him.

They 've been practicing for the last couple weeks with the people who are going to go on tour with them. Tachihara is going to be their drummer, which is awesome (despite

still

holding a grudge about Beijing). Hirotsu is their tour manager. Chuuya had laughed pretty hard when he 'd heard that. The old man had said over and over again during Kouyou 's tour that babysitting them wasn 't his job, and now it literally is his job.

Adjusting to playing the music with everyone is going fairly well. None of the issues come from him or Dazai. Chuuya had heard the songs from their album enough times when they were recording that he thinks he could play them in his sleep. Luckily he 'd gotten Dazai to drop the perfectionist obsession for the most part (although he still won 't stop fucking calling Chuuya pitchy).

Playing the actual music isn 't the problem. Stage training, on the other hand, is excruciating.

Chuuya has never been more comfortable anywhere than on a stage. It 's the one place where he never feels like he has to be anything other than himself. He doesn 't need to be

taught

how to act during a performance. He thinks it 's stupid to plan it out in advance, that it makes it cheap and inauthentic.

Chuuya doesn 't really know what to make of Isamu Yoshii, the man 'training ' them. Although everyone calls him the Count (which Chuuya thinks is fucking pretentious). He 'd been brought on by Mori personally, and seemed highly respected by almost everyone.

'Body language is just as important as the words coming out of your mouth, ' says the Count, his voice formal and expression serious. He 's standing at the front of the stage in one of the practice spaces at PMR. He 's still lecturing them on the theory of stage presence, as he has for the last three days. He and Dazai are standing in the center of the stage (although Chuuya wonders why they 're bothering using the space because all they do is listen to the Count drone on and on).

Chuuya would not count himself among the people who highly respect him.

He glances out of the corner of his eye at Dazai, who 's listening with a perfectly neutral face. He looks back at Chuuya for a moment, his lips quirking the slightest bit. Chuuya faces forward again, biting his lip to keep from scowling. Dazai doesn 't buy in to the Count 's nonsense either, but he gets a huge kick out of how much it annoys Chuuya.

'Despite your age and inexperience, you have to demand the attention of an entire arena of people, and that requires gravitas, ' says the Count, no trace of noticing the exchange between them. He also seems to think that because they 're young they 're complete idiots, which is not helping Chuuya with keeping his temper. 'Luckily, this is something that can be taught. Now, Chuuya, come forward here. '

Chuuya is startled to be singled out. But he walks forward to join the man closer to the front of the stage.

'A perfect example of how

not

to move, ' says the Count, giving Chuuya a look of contempt. Chuuya doesn 't bother to hold back the scowl this time. 'Weak posture, sloppy walk, no emotion. '

'You didn 't say to act like I would while performing, ' says Chuuya tightly.

'I shouldn 't have to, ' says the Count haughtily. 'You should behave as if someone is watching you at all times. People are going to be watching you if you 're on stage or off. You are always performing. '

'We 're not robots, ' says Chuuya, crossing his arms and glaring at the man.

'No, you 're entertainers, ' says the Count, not reacting to Chuuya 's clear anger. He 's as calm as ever. 'Throw your little childish tantrum now rather than on stage. You may be teenagers, but that is not the version of yourselves you will be presenting to the world. The music is mature, and we will rise to that maturity. We are going for soulful, wise beyond your years, elegant. '

Chuuya bristles at the insult and is ready to storm out of there when Dazai pipes up from behind them. 'Are we going to start singing anytime soon? '

The Count turns his disapproving eyes to Dazai instead. 'Very well, perhaps you two learn better doing rather than hearing. Come join us, Dazai. '

Dazai does, and Chuuya can see the laughter in his eyes at the entire situation. It helps Chuuya regain a little bit of his composure. At least he doesn 't have to suffer through this alone.

Partners.

'Now, we do have a slight advantage as there are two of you. That allows us to create a dynamic, to play off each other, ' says the Count. He looks between the two of them, eyes searching. 'Let 's give it a try. Sing the opening lines of

Rain Beyond the Window

. '

So he

does

know their music, thinks Chuuya to himself smugly. He shrugs and starts singing, doing his best not to strain his voice (Kouyou 's voice still rings in the back of his head and reminds him of the importance of taking good care of his vocal instrument). '

Another day of morning rain, I don 't recall the last time I saw the sun

. '

He looks to Dazai, who 's opening his mouth to sing the next lines before the Count cuts in. 'No, stop. That was terrible. '

Dazai 's good nature about the situation seems to fade away completely. 'Was it? I forgot that you 're such an impressive singer yourself, Yoshii, ' says Dazai sharply, mocking and insincere.

'Not the

singing

, ' says the Count, shaking his head. 'I 'm talking about the

delivery.

As a duo, you should always be aware of what the other is doing. They should be an extension of yourself. Every move they make should have a corresponding reaction from you. '

'That 's not how I would do it if this were a real performance, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes. He doesn 't care if he 's disrespectful. 'I can 't fake it anyway. It doesn 't feel the same. '

The Count listens to that, not very impressed with the explanation. 'Fine, try singing it

to

Dazai. '

Chuuya lets a deep breath out of his nose but does as he 's told. He faces Dazai fully, locking eyes. It 's a little strange. Chuuya has sang in front of and for Dazai more times than he can count, but not like this. It 's also weird to have the Count watching them.

'

Another day of morning rain

, ' sings Chuuya, the words sticking in his throat a little bit.

'I don 't recall the last time I saw the sun. '

Dazai 's face flitters through a bunch of expressions, but Chuuya can 't place them. He eventually settles on his blankest look (the one Chuuya has dubbed The Mackerel Stare). He looks towards the Count and away from Chuuya instead of singing back.

'Ah, ' says the Count, contemplative. 'No, that won 't do either. It would be best if you sing

with

each other instead. '

'This is such a waste of time, ' declares Chuuya, feeling his face heating up. 'You 're just saying a bunch of generic bullshit. We get it, it 's important to put on a good show. We need to be aware of each other on stage. But that is not more important than the actual music or playing off the actual crowd, which you seem to be fucking clueless about. We don 't need you. '

'Mori seems to think otherwise, ' says the Count, a hint of irritation slipping through for once. He 's still looking at them with an air of superiority though. 'He entrusted me with making sure you two were performance ready, and so I shall. '

'We

are

performance ready, ' snaps Chuuya. He gets closer to the Count and points a finger at him for emphasis. 'Listen up, asshole. I 'm not going to sit here and let you look down your prissy nose at us. I don 't care what Mori said. We 're done with stage training. Let 's go, Dazai. '

Chuuya doesn 't wait for Dazai to reply, he just walks off the stage, with the best posture and fucking gravitas he can muster. He 's pulling open the door when Dazai catches up to him. He walks through it into the hall before turning to face him, still scowling.

Dazai bursts into laughter as soon as the door closes behind them, clutching the wall to support himself. 'I wish you could have seen his face when you walked out like that, chibi, ' says Dazai, in between the laughing.

'He 's such a fucking dick, ' says Chuuya, leaning agains the opposite wall. He smiles a bit imaging the Count 's expression though. 'I 'll deal with the fallout from Mori. '

Dazai stops laughing, his smile slipping away. 'I don 't think he 'll care much. He probably assigned it more as a formality. Neither of us has ever had any issues on stage. The Count is known for fixing problem singers, which is why everyone has to put him on such a pedestal. '

Chuuya nods, casually latching onto the fact that somewhere along the way Dazai had performed enough to know that he 's comfortable with it (just because he 's accepted not knowing everything about Dazai doesn 't mean he 's going to be passive about it). He doesn 't say anything, just starts leading the way out of the office and back to his dorm. Dazai follows, then starts laughing again. Chuuya looks over at him, brows raised.

'I can 't wait until we do media training, ' says Dazai, smiling widely. Chuuya snorts and shoves him towards the wall.

Chuuya is trying very hard to appear calm as he walks down the hall towards Kouyou 's office. It 's funny, this is the part of the building where he had spent almost all of his time a year ago. Now it just sets him on edge. He used to find it peaceful how quiet it was here, presently it comes off as kind of eerie. He 's not sure if the stilted nods and greetings as he walks by are from his newfound fame or how he 's no longer welcome in this section of the office. Kouyou could have moved her office up to the executive suite on the upper floors with her promotion, but she 'd chosen to stay here.

To say Chuuya is surprised to have received an invitation from Kouyou to meet would be a massive understatement. At first when Chuuya had gotten the email he had thought it was some sick joke. He 'd read it three times over before he realized it was legitimate. The details had been sparse, just a request from Kouyou Ozaki to meet at 2PM two days later.

Chuuya had started to get used to the idea that he would leave for tour without resolving things with Kouyou. It had been a devastating thought, but he 'd made himself accept it as reality. Now he 's unsure of what 's waiting for him at this meeting. There had been a time where he would have jumped at the chance to talk to Kouyou, to work things out, but with all the time that 's passed and everything that 's happened, he 's more conflicted.

He 'd tried so hard to apologize to Kouyou last summer, he 'd reached out over and over again, only to be shut down brutally but courteously (as only Kouyou could). Then he 'd started working on the album, and he 'd gotten too busy, and then it had gotten to the point where it felt like the distance was too great to tackle and Kouyou wasn 't going to accept anyway, so he 'd given up. But it 's like a wound that had never really healed, he 'd just gotten more adept at bandaging it (damn it, Dazai is even infiltrating his fucking metaphors).

He knocks when he reaches Kouyou 's door, politeness ingrained at this point. Kouyou calls for him to come in. He straightens his hat on his head, taking one last deep breath before entering.

Kouyou is sitting behind her desk, still in the middle of writing something down. Chuuya walks over to one of the chairs in front of the desk, sitting upright rather than comfortably. He waits for Kouyou to speak first. She 's the one who called this meeting, he isn 't going to do any of the work for her. She finishes whatever she 's writing before looking up at him, a careful smile on her face.

'I 'll pour us both some tea, ' offers Kouyou, standing up. It gives Chuuya a sense of d 'j ' vu, this is how things used to always start out.

'No, thank you, ' says Chuuya, surprising himself a little. He hadn 't planned the cold tone it comes out in either. It feels right though. He isn 't going to let Kouyou pretend nothing between them has shifted. She deserves to face the consequences of her choices. 'Preparing for tour, don 't have a lot of time. What did you want to see me for? '

Kouyou 's expression tightens slightly, her only admission she 's caught off guard. She sits back down and looks directly at him. Her voice is more business-like than friendly. 'The album is doing extraordinarily well. You must be very proud. '

'I am, ' agrees Chuuya, putting on a flippant (if not slightly taunting) smile at the compliment. 'But not all the credit goes to me. I couldn 't have done it without the people who were there to support me. '

'Of course, ' says Kouyou, not reacting to the challenge. 'Port Mafia Records always supports its own. Mori in particular seems extremely pleased with the record. '

'Yup, ' says Chuuya lightly. 'Boss has been really good to us throughout the whole process. '

'You seem fonder of him than you used to be, ' notes Kouyou, clearly not pleased with the observation.

'I 've gotten to know him a bit more. He 's less intimidating than he appears, ' says Chuuya, tone steady. He 's not going to just follow Kouyou 's opinions of people blindly (anymore). He can make his own judgements.

'You have to realize that Ogai Mori is someone best kept at a distance, ' says Kouyou, slipping in just a bit of irritation and impatience.

'I don 't have my head in the sand, ' snaps Chuuya, losing his own patience. He did not come here for a fucking lecture. 'You and Dazai think I 'm so stupid. I 'm not some clueless kid who doesn 't see everything that goes on here. I knew what Port Mafia Records was like before I even signed here. Do you think I don 't know why it was possible to put a tour together so quickly for two relatively unknown artists? ' he asks, rolling his eyes. 'Mori made it possible. Do you think we 're better than him because we don 't get our hands dirty directly? ' He gives her an unimpressed look. 'We all benefit from it. '

'He 's a parasite, Chuuya, ' says Kouyou, looking more sad than angry about his outburst.

Chuuya doesn 't know Mori all that well, and he wouldn 't call them close. But Mori had given Chuuya what he 'd always desired more than anything, a place to belong. For that, he had Chuuya 's loyalty. He knows he isn 't exactly a good person, but he doesn 't really care. Everyone is capable of terrible things, he 's seen enough of the world to know that. All that matters to him is that Mori never asks him to be anything he isn 't, he lets him create the music he wants. The rest is ignorable.

'He 's a man, a cunning man who isn 't afraid to do what needs to be done to succeed, ' says Chuuya plainly. 'Spare me trying to play the moral high ground. '

Kouyou sighs quietly, but changes the subject. 'I didn 't ask you to come here to talk about Mori. '

'Then why did you ask me to come here? ' asks Chuuya, barely resisting pointing out that 's what he asked in the first place.

'I wanted to talk to you. This whole thing has spiraled on for far too long, ' says Kouyou, more hesitant now. She chooses her words carefully. 'I 'regret how things have turned out between us. '

'Do you now? ' asks Chuuya, eyes narrowed. 'Funny, I must have missed all those times you reached out. Oh, wait, that was me, reaching out to you. And you shut me down every time for

weeks

until I stopped bothering. And

now

you regret it? ' He snorts and crosses his arms.

'You 've changed, ' says Kouyou. She 's watching him with a slight frown.

'Yeah, that tends to happen when you don 't speak to someone for six months, ' says Chuuya with a half shrug.

'I 'm trying to apologize here, ' says Kouyou, losing some of her composure. It 's probably wrong it makes Chuuya feel better.

'You 're doing a great job, ' says Chuuya, dripping with sarcasm, cruel smirk automatic.

For a moment he doesn 't believe his eyes. That 's how astonishing the sight is. But those are definitely tears gathering in Kouyou 's eyes. She jerks to the side to try and hide them, lifting a hand to cover her face. Kouyou, who barely bats an eye at most things, who keeps an iron clad hold on her emotions.

Chuuya is out of his chair and around the desk before he even decides to move. 'Hey, ' he says quietly, gently moving her hand away from her face. He crouches down to lean in close and whisper soothingly, 'Hey, hey, hey. No, don 't do that. '

'I 'm sorry, ' says Kouyou, it comes out sort of strangled, half words and half muffled sob. 'I 'm

sorry

. I 've been so terrible. ' The tears slip down her face despite her obvious efforts to try to keep them from falling. 'But I was so angry and so jealous, and I cut you off. And then it was like you didn 't even need me. ' She shakes a bit, sniffling a couple times. 'And I didn 't want to lose you, but I didn 't want to admit that I needed you. Because every time I admit I need someone it ends badly. And I 've been so lonely. And you seemed totally fine. '

'Are you kidding me? ' asks Chuuya. He takes Kouyou 's hand and squeezes it. 'Every morning I make myself tea with the kettle you bought me as a birthday present. Every morning I look at that freaking kettle and I 'm miserable, Kouyou. Miserable. ' He swallows roughly, looking down. 'I wanted to talk to you about the album so badly. But I didn 't want to 'intrude where I wasn 't wanted. '

'You are wanted here, ' says Kouyou, the sharpness in her tone making him look up. Even crying she could still sound strong as steel. 'You are always wanted here. I 'm a stubborn fool, and don 't deserve your forgiveness this easily. But I 'm selfish, so I 'm going to take it anyway. '

Chuuya scoffs, 'People don 't need to deserve forgiveness. It 's up to the person giving it. ' He smiles as her, letting go of her hand and leaning against the desk. He doesn 't bother with fake good posture anymore. The relief at not having to put on an act, of finally being able to let go of the nasty thing he 's been carrying around with him for months is indescribable. Sure, he 'd been pissed, but he 'd mostly just missed her.

'And I wasn 't just avoiding you, ' says Kouyou, wiping the last of her tears away. He 's not even surprised how quickly she puts herself back together, it just makes him smile wider. 'I 'm practically running on fumes most days. I greatly underestimated how much work a Port Mafia Records executive does. Mori makes it look so easy. But the person I took over for left a huge mess, and I 'm been trying to clean it up for months. '

'I know you haven 't been working on any music, ' says Chuuya. The admission that he 's been keeping track of Kouyou comes easily now. 'What do they have you doing? '

'PMR is largely able to function as it does because of its relationships and partnerships with others. I 've been put in charge of fostering and developing those relationships, which is no small task, ' explains Kouyou, shifting into her business persona, the one that had earned her the title of executive at such a young age. 'Every person wants something from us, and we want something from them, and it 's a battle of who is going to give up less. '

'You love it, ' says Chuuya, hearing it in her voice.

Kouyou pauses for a moment, then smiles slightly, an admission he 's not wrong. 'I suppose I find it rewarding when I manage to get what I need from someone and give up nothing in return. The look on people 's faces when they realize it is something. '

'Don 't you miss music? ' asks Chuuya. He 's not sure he could ever dive into just the business side of PMR. It sounds constricting.

'I enjoy music and singing, but I wasn 't given many other options of what to do with my life. I have been locked into that role since I was fourteen. Having more breathing room has been a nice change of pace, ' says Kouyou, leaning back in her chair. 'I like creating music a great deal, and I wouldn 't want to work in another industry, but I don 't feel about it the same way you do. You love it more than anyone I 've ever met. It 's clear from the album."

'Do you, uh, like the album? ' asks Chuuya, clearly nervous. He looks off to the side so it 's hopefully less obvious.

Kouyou laughs, which makes him turn back to face her. 'Chuuya, it 's a masterpiece. Everyone thinks so. I 'm surprised you still have doubts about it. '

'I don 't care what

everyone

thinks, ' says Chuuya, raising a brow.

'I think it's sensational, a work of art, ' says Kouyou. It hits differently than most of the other praise he 's gotten. For all that they 've been estranged, this is his

mentor

. 'The first time I heard

Corruption,

I had never been more proud. You 've come so far from that little street punk you were when you walked in here. '

Chuuya feels himself flush, and tries to fight off his embarrassment. 'I wasn 't that bad, ' protests Chuuya. 'And I wouldn 't have made it where I am without your help. '

Kouyou lights up at the praise. It gives Chuuya the push to say, 'I know you 're busy, but our first show is in L.A. If you could find some way to be there, it would mean a lot to me. '

'Then I 'll be there, ' declares Kouyou easily. As if she hadn 't just explained how short on time she was.

'You will? ' asks Chuuya, not able to hold back his huge grin.

'Of course, ' says Kouyou. She doesn 't smile back, but the happiness is clear from her eyes. 'I owe you a concert after all of mine that you 've sat through. '

They sit in silence for a moment. But Chuuya doesn 't want to leave yet. It 's been ages since he 'd gotten the chance to talk to Kouyou. There 's so much he wants to tell her. He doesn 't know where to start though. Kouyou takes the lead luckily.

'How are the tour preparations coming? ' she asks.

'Mostly good. That Count guy is kind of a jackass, ' says Chuuya, automatically frowning at the thought of him.

Kouyou smirks a bit, her version of a chuckle. 'I had heard you two didn 't get on. He 's a bit abrasive, but he 's very good at what he does. He helped me a lot with becoming less awkward on stage. '

Chuuya is taken aback by that. 'I 've never seen you be the slightest bit awkward while performing. '

'You didn 't know me when I was fourteen, ' says Kouyou, shrugging slightly. 'Not everyone takes to the stage like you, Chuuya. '

Chuuya is not used to dealing with this much direct praise from Kouyou. 'Dazai thinks he 's annoying too, ' he says. Kouyou 's face tightens strangely at the words.

'About Dazai, ' says Kouyou hesitantly. 'Are you sure you know what you 're getting into there? '

'What 's that supposed to mean? ' asks Chuuya, eyes narrowing sharply. He feels his body tighten. He straightens up from where he was leaning against the desk.

'He 's a slippery one, Chuuya, ' says Kouyou. She folds her arms across her chest and gives him a serious look. 'He 's almost as good an actor as he is a singer. I wouldn 't want you to fall for one of his schemes and end up caught off guard. '

Chuuya has to bite back a harsh reply. He knows that Dazai is more than capable of sticking up for himself, but ever since Chuuya had showed him the ugliest parts of himself and Dazai had basically responded

yeah so what?

Chuuya has become fiercely protective over him. Chuuya would walk on razor blades for that fucker. He knows that Kouyou probably means well, but he isn 't going to sit here and let her talk about him like that.

(If you had told him a year ago that in a conflict between Kouyou and Dazai he would be taking

Dazai 's

side, he would have laughed in your fucking face.)

'I know Dazai, ' says Chuuya shortly. 'I know what he 's like. I can tell when he 's faking. I 'll be fine. ' He makes it clear from his tone that the matter is not up for discussion.

'Just be careful, Chuuya, ' says Kouyou, shaking her head a bit. The annoyance flows out of Chuuya. It 's been so long since he 's had Kouyou looking out for him, he 'd forgotten what it felt like. It soothes him, and he lets go of the tension he 'd felt since she 'd said Dazai 's name.

'I will, ' promises Chuuya. He doesn 't sit back down though, looking to the side at Kouyou 's kettle. 'Um, is that tea still on the table? '

Mid-March, One and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

There 's a frantic sort of energy in the air. It 's affecting everyone around them. A constant stream of people are rushing around doing last minute sound and lighting adjustments. The wardrobe people are still fussing over his hair, running fingers through it to get the look they 're going for.

Chuuya lets the man in front of him adjust his bangs so they lay over his face in the style they want, even if it 's kind of annoying. It 'll be useless once he starts playing and sweating, but he 's not going to try to stop him. Chuuya really only cares about the music anyway.

It does feel a little odd to be out of a suit. He 's wearing a pair of black leather pants that are surprisingly comfortable for how tight they are with a white t-shirt and a light red jacket, and then another black jacket over that (he would also question the point of wearing two fucking jackets). He gets to wear his usual choker and he 'd refused to take off Arthur 's hat. It feels good to have him close somehow tonight.

Dazai is completely calm next to him. He 's still in a suit though, a simple black one with a white shirt and black tie. His bandages peak out from his sleeves and collar. Chuuya 's not sure if anyone had tried to get him to take them off, but if they had it hadn 't worked.

Dazai 's eyes stand out more lined with the makeup they 're both wearing. Chuuya had used to wear this kind of stuff when he played with The Sheep, but he 's never seen Dazai wear anything on his face. He looks annoyingly good, the perfect mix of young rock star mixed with teenage pop singer they 're supposed to be.

The man adjusting his hair finally finishes and Chuuya adjusts the mic in his ear again as he steps away. He can hear the hum of the crowd beyond the room they 're getting ready in. The noise of so many people waiting for them makes something in his blood sing. Chuuya has been on edge practically all day, and now that the moment is finally almost here he 's even more impatient.

His twitchiness catches Dazai 's attention. 'Nervous, chibi? ' asks Dazai. Dazai doesn 't look nervous at all, not that Chuuya ever really sees him look nervous. He ignores the people rushing around them and adjusting things.

'Not at all, mackerel, ' says Chuuya. He probably looks it, but the fidgeting is anticipation. He hasn 't played a show in ages, and he 's missed it. Chuuya loves music in all its forms, but there 's something about it live that makes it so much sharper. The rush he gets from being on stage is one of the best feelings he 's ever had.

'Then stop acting like a dog trying to sit still while their master waves a bone in front of them, ' says Dazai, smirking a little. 'You 're embarrassing me."

Chuuya rolls his eyes and throws a punch, but Dazai surprises him by catching his fist against his chest. He doesn 't let go immediately, and Chuuya looks over to meet his eyes. Dazai looks back, raising a brow. His expression says all of the things that he won 't say out loud, that he 's just as eager as Chuuya, that he 's right there with him, that he 's got his back.

Chuuya scoffs at the gesture. Though he appreciates it, it 's unnecessary. He already knows all that. He smirks at Dazai, not trying to pull back his hand.

'We 're ready for you, ' announces Hirotsu, appearing next to them. He also appears completely calm in all the chaos, a veteran to the madness by now.

Dazai gives Chuuya 's fist a last squeeze then pushes it away roughly, taking his spot near the edge of the stage where he 's supposed to enter from. Chuuya gets into position too, clenching and unclenching his hands until he gets the signal from the stage hand that he 's on. Chuuya nods and walks on stage without any hesitation, a huge smile already on his face. The audience roars as he comes into view, and then gets even louder when Dazai appears as well, coming from the other side of the stage.

'Hello, Los Angeles, ' says Chuuya into his mic, strolling to the center of the stage. 'How 's everyone doing tonight? ' He pauses for their cheers. He can see their band settling into position in their various place. 'Thank you so much for coming out to see us. My name is Chuuya Nakahara, and this idiot is Osamu Dazai. '

'You 're the idiot, ' says Dazai blithely, walking over so he 's closer to the center of the stage as well. The crowd laughs at his statement, clearly eating it up (and fuck you, Yoshii, they clearly know how to put on a show).

Chuuya rolls his eyes but doesn 't react otherwise. 'And we 're Double Black. It 's incredible to be able to play our first show at home in L.A. We wouldn 't want to start anywhere else. '

'Chuuya talks too much, ' says Dazai, raising one hand over his mouth, pretending to talk to the crowd as if Chuuya can 't hear him. He takes his hand away and turns to speak to Chuuya. 'These people aren 't here to listen to your sappy speeches. Let 's get to the music, shall we? '

Chuuya huffs, but the huge smile on his face gives him away. Dazai 's matching much smaller grin is like a fire under his skin. They haven 't even started playing yet, and this is already better than any show he ever did with The Sheep. 'Fine, ' says Chuuya, feigning impatience, flashing a signal to the band that they 're ready to start. 'Here 's

Rain Beyond the Window

. '

The band starts to play the opening notes of the song, and Chuuya gets the adrenaline rush that seems cheaper coming from anything other than a stage.

'Another day of morning rain

, ' sings Chuuya, reaching out his left arm towards the crowd. '

I don 't recall the last time I saw the sun. '

'The rain seems to be the only thing that doesn 't have an end

, ' sings Dazai, voice as clear and flawless as ever. He strolls along the stage, bringing a hand to his heart (dramatically, but it works). '

Although can something truly end if it never had begun?

'

Chuuya has always found the concept of stage fright to be odd, there has never been anywhere he feels safer than here, singing the songs they 'd written together, with people

singing along

(which he 's never had the thrill of experiencing before). He looks quickly to the side and catches sight of Kouyou, though she 's too far away to see properly.

Sometimes he has moments where he wonders if he wouldn 't have been better off having the same fate as his mom. But that feeling has never been further away than now.

This is going to be fucking awesome,

he thinks to himself as he leans towards Dazai to start the chorus together. '

All I see is rain beyond the window

. '

'This is not going to be like Kouyou 's tour, ' says Hirotsu, walking next to him towards the hotel 's elevator. They enter and he presses the button for the top floor. 'I 'm serious. I allowed you two a great deal of leniency back then because you weren 't involved in the operations of the tour. But now that you 're the artists, you are not going to have the freedom you did. '

Chuuya barely manages to hold back a sigh. Hirotsu has been lecturing him since they left the show. They 've gone from L.A. to San Diego, so this is their first real night on tour. Dazai had somehow disappeared after the show, probably to avoid this very lecture, which is almost more irritating than having to listen to Hirotsu blather on. They reach their floor and Chuuya leads the way towards the room number listed on his key, Hirotsu following behind him.

'Port Mafia Records has entrusted you with a lot of responsibility, ' continues Hirotsu, not deterred by Chuuya 's lack of response. 'We are going to have a jammed pack schedule and it is air tight. So we do not have any time for your and Dazai 's shenanigans. '

Chuuya flashes the key against the lock, holding the door open for Hirotsu once the light turns green. The older man nods in thanks as he enters, still speaking (though Chuuya kind of tunes him out). Chuuya looks around the room as he walks inside. A comfy looking king bed dominates the space. The view out the window is spectacular, he can see the ocean clearly in the moonlight. This is quite the upgrade from his hotel rooms from the last tour. There 's practically a mini living room in here. Chuuya is kind of used to luxury from PMR at this point, but it brings a smile to his face anyway. Until his gaze returns to the fact that there is one bed.

'Chuuya, are you even listening to me? ' asks Hirotsu, making him look back at him. He 's frowning at him in a very familiar way.

'Kind of, ' says Chuuya honestly, half shrugging. He sits on the edge of the bed. He 's tired from playing and the hours of meet and greets they 'd done before the show.

Hirotsu lets out a large sigh, which is also familiar. 'Well, rest up. I 'll email you the itinerary for the week. Do you know where Dazai is? '

Almost as if summoned, the hotel room door opens with enough force it smashes into the wall, which Chuuya has no doubt was on purpose. Dazai strolls into the room, hands in his pockets, a wide smile in place. He 's back in his normal clothes, and his hair looks damp. Chuuya is even more annoyed that he 'd gotten to shower while Chuuya has been forced to sit here in his sweaty concert clothes and listen to Hirotsu.

'Whoopsie. I always misjudge my own strength, ' says Dazai, smiling widely at both of them.

'Where have you been? ' asks Chuuya, rolling his eyes. He 's not the least bit surprised the Dazai managed to get a key to Chuuya 's room with little effort.

'Dazai, what perfect timing, ' says Hirotsu, eyeing the wall the door crashed into with a scowl. 'I was just telling Chuuya about how we do

not

have an unlimited hotel damages budget this time around. '

'You mean I missed part of your lecture? ' asks Dazai, fake pouting. The obnoxiousness pulls a small snort of out Chuuya that he tries to cover up. Dazai walks over to sit on the bed next to him, giving him a less than subtle wink.

'You two, ' starts Hirotsu before taking a deep breath. 'We can discuss it in the morning. We have an early start tomorrow. I expect neither of you will look sleep deprived. '

At that, Hirotsu turns to leave. Chuuya calls out a goodbye, while Dazai doesn 't say anything. He pulls his legs up on the bed so he 's sitting cross-legged, facing Chuuya.

'I don 't think I 've ever been told to get a good night 's sleep with such disdain before, ' says Dazai, smirking a bit. Then he looks around the room and his smile slips. 'Apparently, artists who headline tours aren 't forced to share rooms to save money. '

'I noticed, ' says Chuuya, keeping his tone neutral. He and Dazai had slept apart since they 'd gotten back from the last tour, although if Dazai had stayed over and heard Chuuya from the living room he would come wake him up. The bed had been too small for two people, but they 'd played video games or listened to music as a distraction, or Dazai had dragged some blankets and slept on his floor a few nights.

It had been pretty rare though. He hadn 't been having as many nightmares after he stopped trying to write

Arahabaki

and finished

Corruption

. Also with Dazai farther away or sleeping at his own place, sometimes he just slept through them. But now that he 's back to playing

Corruption

almost every day, they 've ramped up again. Chuuya hadn 't mentioned anything to Dazai about it, and he hadn 't been planning to.

'This won 't do. We 'll need connecting rooms. In case we need to discuss music, ' says Dazai, voice so confident that if Chuuya didn 't know him, he would have no idea he 's lying.

'Of course, ' agrees Chuuya easily, not bothering to hide how grateful that makes him. He would never ask Dazai to do this for him, but that he 's willing to relieves Chuuya of a tension he didn 't even know he had.

'I 'll let Hirotsu know. But I 'm staying in here tonight, ' announces Dazai, laying down to stretch out on the bed. He smiles at Chuuya like he knows exactly how much he appreciates it without him having to say anything. 'You have a much better view out your window. '

'I 'm not stopping you, ' says Chuuya, standing up and heading towards the bathroom. 'I 'm going to take a shower. Don 't ditch me with Hirotsu again, asshole. '

Hirotsu had been right when he said it wasn 't going to be like Kouyou 's tour. For one thing, whenever him and Dazai are 't on stage, they 're still required to be somewhere. They do countless interviews and appearances. If they 're not being interviewed, they 're doing a signing or taking pictures. If they 're not doing any of that, they 're stuck on a bus or a plane. It 's only been a couple weeks, but Chuuya is already finding it a little stuffy.

They 're in another interview now, and Chuuya is bored out of his mind. It 's not the interviewer 's fault. They just always seem to ask the same questions over and over again, and none of them are very interesting.

Chuuya hadn 't enjoyed media training, but he 'd sat through all of it. It had actually been useful. He knows how to avoid questions he doesn 't want to answer, how to give a good sound bite for TV or the radio. He also knows how important maintaining a good public image is to the success of the album. He doesn 't resent having to spend so much time being interviewed.

He does kind of resent when the interviewers spend barely any time talking about the music.

'Are either of you dating anyone? ' asks the female radio host who 's show they 're on. Nora Roberts, that was her name. Chuuya meets so many people every day it 's hard to keep track of them all (at least it is for him, Dazai is infuriatingly good at it).

Chuuya laughs, genuinely but keeping it friendly. 'When, exactly, do you think we have the time while headlining a tour to date someone? '

'So you 're both single? ' asks Nora, a hint of mischief in her voice.

'Yes, we 're both single, ' says Chuuya, still keeping his tone light. Dazai rolls his eyes besides him. Chuuya kicks him underneath the table.

'What do you look for in a partner? ' Nora doesn 't seem to notice their lack of interest in the topic, or she just doesn 't care (Chuuya would honestly respect her more if it was the later).

'I don 't know, good taste in music, ' offers Chuuya weakly.

'This is boring, ' declares Dazai, voice whiny. 'Ask me questions about Chuuya and Chuuya questions about me, ' he suggests.

Nora is flustered for a moment but seems to take it in stride. 'Alright then. Well, we 'll start with an easy one. Chuuya, what is Dazai 's favorite food? '

'Dazai likes anything sweet, but his favorite food is canned crab, ' answers Chuuya easily, not hiding how gross he thinks the choice is in his voice.

Dazai shows a flicker of surprise, and Chuuya has to fight off a laugh. Dazai might be more observant than Chuuya, but Chuuya puts in ten times the effort. Plus the guy keeps hoards of the stuff in his apartment.

Nora smiles, before turning to Dazai. 'Dazai, what is Chuuya 's favorite hobby? '

'Chuuya spends almost all of his time on music, ' says Dazai confidently. 'He 's obsessed with it. If he 's not writing or singing it himself, he 's listening to other people 's. ' Dazai shrugs and adds, 'But I guess outside of music his favorite hobby is video games. Not that he 's very good at them. '

'I literally kicked your ass this morning, ' says Chuuya before he can help himself. It had been the highlight of his day, beating Dazai at the zombie fighting game while they were on the bus.

'Fluke, ' says Dazai breezily.

Chuuya tries to kick him again under the table, but Dazai moves his legs out of the way. Chuuya barely avoids falling out of his chair.

Nora laughs, amused rather than annoyed. Or maybe she 'd just expected it, this has kind of become what they 're known for. 'Banter ' as Hirotsu calls it, Chuuya calls it 'the only way I can survive Dazai 's bullshit. ' Dazai finds it all incredibly amusing.

'What is Dazai 's favorite song? ' asks Nora, directing the question at Chuuya again.

Chuuya groans. 'Dazai is seriously the most picky person on the planet when it comes to music. He barely likes anything, ' complains Chuuya. 'He does like Natsume Soseki and Murasaki Shikibu though. '

It 's more than a flicker of surprise this time. Dazai looks a little impressed even. He quickly hides it though. 'When you spend as much time as I do listening to music, you tend to be more selective, ' says Dazai, smoothly covering up how judgmental he is.

'We just have time for a couple more questions, ' says Nora, eyes flicking down to her list of questions. 'This is something a lot of your fans wonder about. You two both have such a unique look. What is the origin of the hat and the bandages? '

'The hat was a gift, ' says Chuuya, answering the first part quickly but normally, but then changing his tone to a much colder one, 'As for the other part, pass. '

'So you 're still answering for each other then? ' asks Nora, trying to make a joke out of it.

'I said fucking pass, ' says Chuuya sharply, not backing down. He glares at the older woman, and she seems startled at the reaction.

'Why would you want to know more about Chuuya 's hat anyway? ' asks Dazai, trying to cut the tension in the room. 'It 's so ugly. Really, it should be burned. You shouldn 't encourage him. '

'I 'm afraid that 's all the time we have for today, ' says Nora, though her tone is slightly strained. She recovers quickly though, sounding composed again. 'Thank you both so much for coming here and being on the show. '

'It was our pleasure, ' says Dazai, voice light and smiling widely.

'Yeah, thanks, ' says Chuuya, trying to do the same but not pulling it off as well.

'And now let 's hear some of the album no one can stop talking about, ' says Nora. 'Here 's Double Black with

Corruption

. '

Nora hits a button and the sound of Chuuya 's voice fills the space with

Oh grantors of dark disgrace

before Nora flicks another switch and silences it from the recording booth.

Dazai stands up, reaching over to shake Nora 's hand and thank her again. Chuuya does the same (because he 's a fucking professional, damn it). Neither of them say anything to each other as they walk to the car and get in the backseat. Hirotsu stays behind to say his own thank you, which now probably involves an apology (Chuuya is

not

sorry). The driver must also still be with Hirotsu.

'All this time I thought you were a sheepdog, ' says Dazai tightly, breaking the silence, 'But it turns out you 're a guard dog who has to attack when its master is threatened. '

Chuuya turns to glare at him. 'Are you ever going to give it a rest with the fucking dog jokes? ' he snaps.

'I can fight my own battles, ' says Dazai flatly. His eyes are cold as he looks at Chuuya.

'I should hope so, ' says Chuuya, scoffing. 'That wasn 't a battle, that was some small time radio host who cared more about our love lives than our music. She can fuck off. '

'You 've never asked about them, ' says Dazai after a long pause, voice carefully blank of emotion.

'Are you trying to ask me something, Dazai? ' asks Chuuya, turning to give him a blank look of his own.

'Just making an observation, ' says Dazai, voice still emotionless, but his hand twitches a bit at his side.

'Well, keep your shitty comments to yourself, ' says Chuuya, turning to look out the window. 'We 've got a million more of these stupid ass interviews. '

April, Two Months Since the Release of Corruption

No matter what happens in the time in between, no matter how pissed Chuuya is at Dazai, it all fades away the second they 're on stage together. It 's inescapable. Chuuya has tried to maintain his anger, but it never lasts. The second Dazai 's voice blends with his in their first harmony, it always slips away.

All of the other bullshit they put up with for the tour is worth it when he 's on stage. He can even suffer through playing

Corruption

night after night if it means he gets to have this. He can deal with the constant nightmares if he gets to feel this alive when he plays.

They 're getting to the end of a show in Dallas, Texas. All they have left is

Wake Up Call

and then the encore,

Corruption

. It 's strange how the song is both Chuuya 's favorite and least favorite song to perform. He hates the memories that it dredges up, hates that it makes him dream of free falling through the air while unable to move, his mom 's screams, the last thing he 'd ever heard from her, deafening all around him.

But Dazai is there. It 's just them, Chuuya at the piano and Dazai tends to sit on top of it. He 's aware of him throughout the whole thing. The song is also a chance to release his feelings during his solo. They aren 't good feelings, but it is freeing in a way to be able to let them out for once when he spends most of his time avoiding them.

Then when Dazai starts on the bridge, it hits Chuuya the same every time, despite how many times they 've played it now. It 's like 'music is so rarely perfect, and Chuuya doesn 't expect it to be, but that moment, it is.

Chuuya is wiping sweat off his face and grabbing a drink of water as Dazai talks to the crowd before they start the next number. He 's shed most of his clothes by this point in the show, just wearing a white t-shirt (a high end white t-shirt that had been carefully selected as appropriate by the wardrobe people). Dazai is somehow never as sweaty and is still in a dress shirt and tie.

Chuuya takes one last drink before putting the bottle down, moving over to stand by Dazai.

'And so we 're at Ta Prohm, the temple in Cambodia where they filmed Tomb Raider, ' says Dazai, easily holding the crowd 's attention. 'And you 're obviously not supposed to climb on any of it, there are signs literally everywhere saying that. So the first thing Chuuya does is immediately climb on top of the very first structure we see and yell out, 'Suck my dick, Lara Croft '. ' Dazai does a very unflattering imitation of Chuuya 's voice that is high-pitched and annoying. The audience laughs along with him.

Chuuya rolls his eyes and sighs through his nose, crossing his arms and giving Dazai a deeply unimpressed look. 'Are you done? '

'But I haven 't even gotten to the part where Chuuya got scared of the monkeys at Angkor Wat, ' whines Dazai, pouting at Chuuya dramatically.

'First of all, those things could have had rabies, and I was totally justified to avoid them, ' says Chuuya. 'Second, maybe

I

should tell the story about what happened when we were in Thailand. '

Dazai straightens up, adjusting his mic. 'Anyway, enough of this chatter, let 's get back to the show! '

But instead of announcing

Wake Up Call

, he turns to face Chuuya, a calculating expression on his face that instantly puts Chuuya on edge. Dazai only has that look when he 's up to something.

'What do you want? ' asks Chuuya flatly.

'We 're always playing Chuuya 's favorite songs, ' says Dazai innocently. 'I think it 's only fair that we play one of mine. '

They always play the full album during a show, and Chuuya adds a couple of covers to mix it up. They play a lot of things from other PMR artists, Kouyou in particular. Or they 'll play old classics like

To Kill A Mockingbird

or

The

Catcher in The Rye

. Dazai has never had any input besides shooting down suggestions, he 's never given any of his own.

'That 's because

I

ask the band in advance and made sure everyone knows it, ' says Chuuya. Dazai didn 't even have favorite songs, Chuuya barely sees him react to other people 's music. The highest praise he 's heard him give a song is 'alright, not great. '

'Oh, don 't worry about that, ' says Dazai, waving a hand dismissively. 'I made a recording that we can sing along to! ' Dazai 's innocent facade changes into a smirk.

Chuuya 's eye widen as he understand what he means. 'You didn 't. '

Dazai shoots finger guns towards the left side of the stage, signaling someone, and the track starts. It 's not even The Sheep playing, which means Dazai must have recorded himself playing all of the parts and put it together. He must have been plotting this for a while.

'

It 's a Friday, and it 's been a hell of a week

, ' sings Dazai happily, looking right at Chuuya.

Chuuya gives in, like always. '

Feels like I 've been stuck in a losing streak

, ' he sings back, smiling wryly. Dazai 's smile grows even wider.

They sing the next lines together, facing each other and swaying back and forth obnoxiously. '

But tonight is the night we turn it around. There 's not a thing that can keep me down.

'

Their eyes meet before the chorus starts. Dazai 's eyebrow raises in a challenge. And Chuuya 's never been one to turn down a challenge, especially from Dazai.

So when the chorus starts they break out in the dance they 'd spent hours working on last June. It all instantly comes back. They move completely in sync as the belt out the lyrics.

So turn down the lights, and turn up the music

Tell all your friends, tell everyone

Dance 'til your feet are covered in bruises

We 'll keep going 'til we see the sun

They look absolutely ridiculous, and there is no way the crowd in Texas has any idea what song they 're playing, but the audience is screaming and laughing. They cheer as they stomp, slide, and shake across the stage together.

'Cuz life is better, '

sings Dazai, doing the wave with both his arms.

"Life 's just better, '

sings Chuuya, spinning around in a full circle dramatically.

'Life is better, better, better, '

they sing together, jumping with each better.

'Life 's better with a little party in it, '

sings Dazai lowly, shaking his shoulders.

Chuuya can 't help the laugh that escapes him at the sight. He has to fight to keep it together as Dazai launches into a freestyle dance before the next verse, prancing about the stage. The crowd eats it up, and the energy in the room is infectious.

Chuuya finally gets a hold of himself, still smiling and shaking his head. Dazai 's eyes meet his from across the stage. His hair is a mess, a combination of how he 'd styled it and sweat from performing. He walks across the platform back towards him with a sort of careless freedom he never has off stage. Dazai looks impossibly pleased, and there 's nothing fake about it for once, he 's not putting on a show just for the audience. Chuuya can tell it 's genuine. He never sees his eyes looking this

alive.

Suddenly it hits Chuuya all at once. Chuuya wants 'well he

wants.

He wants with a desperation that is surprising in its intensity. He tries to dismiss it instantly, but it 's overwhelming. He can 't look away despite all the feelings he 's trying to push down.

But Chuuya has never been in the habit of lying, even to himself. And he 'd certainly never been able to lie to himself when it comes to music.

So many memories flash through his mind. All of the times he 'd claimed to himself

it 's just Dazai

. All of the thoughts that have been lurking underneath the surface for 'much longer than he is willing to contemplate right now. It turns out there is no

just

Dazai, actually it being Dazai seems to be the most important component.

Chuuya has always thought Dazai is attractive, even when they were fifteen. He remembers the first time he ever saw him, as a strange dark haired boy looking out of place in a suit. He 'd been more concerned about his employer and that he was trouble at the time though. And the attraction had never really gone away, it had just always seemed less important than whatever else was going on.

Fuck, there likely isn 't a time where he 'd

want

to have this epiphany, but on stage in the middle of a song seems like the worst possible time.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

he thinks to himself.

This Dazai isn 't just attractive right now, he 's viciously stunning and ethereal and

human.

The word hits Chuuya like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped over his head. It cuts off any naive whispers of hope he could have started to consider.

Dazai is his partner, he can 't fuck that up. He relies on him too much. He wouldn 't have made it through even writing an album without him, let alone everything that has come since. He isn 't going to risk the most important person in his life for 'for his own selfishness really. Dazai lets him in unlike anyone else, he gives him a sort of unshakeable trust. Chuuya can 't ruin that by pushing it into something it 's not.

He will not lose him. He can 't.

(There is a quiet whisper in the back of his mind that things like him shouldn 't play at these types of connections anyway,

everything you touch, you destroy.

)

Luckily, his body is much smarter than his brain and jumps back into the second verse as if nothing has changed, relying more on muscle memory than actively thinking through the steps. He barely misses a beat, quickly losing himself in the obnoxious song again.

By the time they reach the second chorus, the smile on his face when Dazai looks at him is genuine. He can 't resist feeling happy, not when he 's on stage with Dazai, not when Dazai is this rare version of giddy he hardly ever is.

They finish the song, going over-the-top in the final chorus, voices dragging out the final notes and striking a pose. The crowd claps and screams for them enthusiastically. They might have just caused an uptick in sales for an obscure The Sheep song actually. That 's kind of a weird irony, after they 'd accused him of only looking out for himself.

Dazai bows and thanks the audience cheerfully, 'Yes, thank you, thank you. See, Chuuya, I knew my pick would be a winner. ' He turns to Chuuya, still grinning widely.

He 'll push it down, Chuuya decides. He 's got a lifetime of experience of doing that. It 's gotten him through everything so far. What was this compared to all that?

Instead, he 'll focus on valuing what he

does

have. He smiles back (and if it aches just a little, he 'll adjust to that too). 'Thanks for humoring him everyone, ' says Chuuya. 'Now let 's play a song you guys might know a little better. Here 's

Wake Up Call

."

Chuuya wakes up to Dazai gripping his shoulder and shaking it. Chuuya lets out an unsteady breath as he comes to. Fucking shit, this is the third night in a row. They 're getting more and more frequent, which is just fucking great because he loves spending his entire day from beginning to end working and then not even being able to sleep. He 's rubbing his eyes angrily when Dazai speaks.

'You 're been having them more, ' says Dazai, looking wide awake. He keeps his voice neutral, but there 's an edge of tension to it. His hand is lingering on Chuuya 's shoulder. 'The nightmares. '

Chuuya shoves his hand away and barely resists the urge to glare at him. 'And? ' he asks as coldly as he can. He forces himself to take another deep breath. He doesn 't want to have this conversation at all, especially in the middle of the night when he 's just woken up from a fucking nightmare.

'There has to be a reason, ' says Dazai, not picking up on Chuuya 's very clear

I do not want to talk about this

signals. Or picking up on them and ignoring them.

'Do I have to fucking spell it out for you? ' asks Chuuya, not resisting the urge to glare this time.

'If I had been able to figure it out we wouldn 't be having this conversation, ' says Dazai, dropping the calm act and frowning slightly.

'Do you think playing

Corruption

is fun for me? ' asks Chuuya, letting out a bitter laugh. 'It 's literally just shoving the worst fucking parts of myself in front of an audience every night. So yes, I 've been having more nightmares, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes and looking at his hands where they 're picking at the comforter.

'I 'll get it removed from the set list, ' says Dazai after a moment, as if that 's possible. Chuuya thinks he has to be kidding, but he 's completely serious. If anything, he looks determined.

'Oh my god, don 't be an idiot, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. 'I 'm not tanking our careers just because I 'm uncomfortable. It 's fine. '

'What am I supposed to do then? ' asks Dazai, he 's dropped the determination for annoyance and perhaps anger. His eyes are narrowed and he 's practically scowling.

'Sleep in the other room if it bothers you that much, ' offers Chuuya sarcastically. It 's not his job to make Dazai feel better about

his

nightmares. He turns away to lay back down, adjusting his pillow roughly.

Dazai grabs his shoulder and pulls him back so they 're facing each other again. 'Do you think it 's fun for me seeing you like that? ' asks Dazai, shocking Chuuya with the amount of emotion in his voice. It 's not just anger, it 's worry, a surprisingly distraught version. 'I just want to

do something

. '

'You already do help, ' admits Chuuya quietly, looking away to stare at his pillow, still caught in Dazai 's grip. It would be too much to look at Dazai right now. 'When you 're here, it helps. '

'It 's not enough, ' says Dazai, voice quiet too. It makes something clench tightly in Chuuya 's gut.

'It is for me. It 's more than I 've ever had before, ' says Chuuya, looking up again to smile at Dazai sadly. 'You can 't fix me, Dazai. '

'There 's nothing fucking wrong with you, ' says Dazai, voice harsh. Dazai almost never swears, which makes it all the more jarring when he does.

You 're wrong,

he says back in his mind. He doesn 't argue though, he knows it won 't get them anywhere. He slips his hand up to grab Dazai 's from his shoulder, slowly intertwining their fingers.

Dazai 's breathing shifts for a moment, but he doesn 't protest. All of the anger seems to fade from him. He lays back down slowly, not releasing Chuuya 's hand. He nudges Chuuya over so that they can share the same pillow. It 's not the best position for sleeping, but neither of them pull away until they fall back asleep.

When he wakes up the next morning, Dazai is already awake, as usual. Chuuya can hear him typing on his laptop in the other hotel room through the open door. Despite their jam-packed tour schedule Dazai still finds the time to keep up with all the projects he 'd been working on before they 'd left, claiming he didn 't want other people to take over and ruin then (Chuuya thinks it 's just because he 's a control freak). There 's a mug of tea waiting for him on the TV stand, which makes him smile. He drinks it as he gets ready for the day.

They don 't discuss it any further. Dazai tends to hover around Chuuya more during

Corruption

though. He 's always leaning or sitting on the piano, his focus solely on him. Chuuya isn 't sure how Dazai had felt about playing the song before, but now there 's an element of unease that hadn 't been there previously. It 's odd how Dazai 's discomfort makes him feel somewhat better about his own.

Dazai had rarely ever slept in the adjoining room during the tour so far. It had only really happened in the beginning of the tour when they had argued about something after a show. Then when his nightmares had started ramping up Dazai abandoned the other room completely. He hadn 't even bothered with excuses anymore, he just automatically went to bed on the opposite side of Chuuya.

Now he no longer sleeps on the other side. He 's always flinging his legs or an arm over Chuuya, bandages pressing into Chuuya 's body. It 's like he 's trying to remind Chuuya that he 's there with him without saying the words. That if Chuuya can feel him against him physically, it shows he 's not alone.

Chuuya presses into the contact, soaking in the offered comfort reverentially (even though he probably shouldn 't). The nightmares don 't go away, but they seem easier to face like this.

'I 've been told the two of you are a difficult interview, ' says the reporter, Nicholas Sparks, sitting on an armchair across from them. They 're lounging on a couch backstage, still hours from doing the show and doing press in the downtime.

'Should he be telling us this? ' Chuuya asks Dazai, facing him instead of the reporter.

'You have a way of derailing the conversation and not answering any of the questions, ' says Nicholas Sparks (Chuuya can 't

believe

that isn 't a fake name), no confidence lost.

'I feel like he shouldn 't be telling us this, ' replies Dazai to Chuuya, facing away as well.

'The two of you are both rather young, ' says Nicholas, raising his voice slightly, which is an interesting tactic to gain their attention at least. 'In fact, a lot of the artists Port Mafia Records sign tend to be under eighteen. Some people speculate that PMR is taking advantage of children, trapping them in contracts before they 're old enough to know better. What do you think of those accusations? '

'PMR gave me the first stable situation in my life, ' says Chuuya calmly, despite how the question makes him furious. 'Ryuurou Hirotsu, in addition to being a close personal friend, is my legal guardian. I don 't trust anyone more to look out for my best interests. I have a place to live, food, anything I could need. PMR even made sure I got my GED. Frankly, they did more for me than the foster care system ever did. '

Chuuya doesn 't hide the fact that he used to be in foster care from the world. Mori had offered it as an option, but Chuuya had turned him down. He doesn 't care if people know. It 's not that hard to find the information, and Chuuya would rather be open about it anyway. People don 't usually use the knowledge to be suck a dick about it though.

'My parents know and approve of my career, ' says Dazai simply. Chuuya quickly looks over at him before looking away, not getting caught in that trap of previously unknown information.

'So neither of you has any problems with the negative reputation and rumors that surround Port Mafia Records? ' asks Nicholas, just the edge of a smile visible.

'PMR has never been anything other than good to us, ' says Chuuya, smiling too but not kindly at all. 'And rumors are just that, rumors. '

'Port Mafia Records is lucky to have such faithful artists, ' says Nicholas, tone clearly mocking.

Chuuya doesn 't care how many stupid readers the man has, he 's ready to wipe off his stupid smirk with his fist but Dazai speaks up first.

'Actually, we 're not a difficult interview, ' says Dazai, and Nicholas may be older but no one does mocking better than Dazai. 'We 've just had media training so that others can 't try and take advantage of us just because we 're young. We 're not answering your questions because they were clearly listed in the things not to ask about in the prep document I know PMR gave you. So you either read it and ignored it or didn 't even read it, both of which seem unprofessional. '

'You 're a child, ' says Nicholas, trying to sound dismissive, but his face has turned visibly red. Chuuya wonders if it 's anger or embarrassment. 'What would you know about being professional? '

'I am much younger than you, ' says Dazai, smiling serenely, 'But look at who 's doing better in their respective field. '

The reporter 's face tightens and he scowls deeply. 'Thank you for your time, ' he says tightly. He stands up to leave and doesn 't wait for them to respond.

'No, thank you, ' calls out Dazai to his retreating form.

'Thanks, Sparky, ' says Chuuya, and is delighted when the man stumbles a bit but keeps walking.

'What a dick, ' says Chuuya. He adjusts so he 's lying against the arm of the couch, legs stretched out and caging Dazai in. Dazai nods and rearranges too, lying against the other arm. They 're quiet for a moment with their newfound free time.

'Street fighter? ' asks Chuuya.

'Street fighter, ' agrees Dazai.

They both pull out their phones and begin trying to virtually destroy the other.

Chuuya spends the majority of every day (and every night) with Dazai. They do all of their appearances together, every interview together, every meet and greet together. Chuuya even enjoys the time he gets to himself. He likes to grab lunch with Hirotsu, mess around on the drums with Tachihara, or rarely his and Kouyou 's schedules will line up so he gets to catch up with her.

The point is that it doesn 't make sense that he misses Dazai.

This tour is just so different from the last one. They 're over a month in and the lack of freedom is starting to get to him. He sometimes forgets what state they 're even in, that 's how little time they get to spend seeing things. Not to mention that so many of them are landlocked, which is a concept that Chuuya hadn 't considered all that hard until he was faced with it. Who would want to live where there wasn 't any water? Luckily they 're back on the coast now, even though he greatly prefers the West coast.

'What 's got you so mopey? ' asks Dazai. He 's gathering up the last of his things that are spread out in the hotel room and packing them up. They 're leaving Miami today for Tampa, or maybe it 's Orlando. It 's all blending together.

Chuuya is laying on the bed in his suit, sprawled out. He supposes he is moping. He sits up to look at Dazai.

'It just sucks, you know? Last time we were on tour we actually got to fucking do things, ' says Chuuya, frustration clear in his voice. 'I hate having every second of the day planned out. We barely get to even see any of the places we go to. '

'That sounds borderline ungrateful, slug, ' says Dazai, smirking at him. 'Not what I 'd expect from PMR 's most loyal. '

'Shut up, ' says Chuuya flatly. He scoots forward to get off the bed, grabbing his own stuff that he 'd already packed. 'So you aren 't even a little stir crazy? '

Dazai shrugs. 'I expected it to be mostly boring. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes. He should have expected that from Dazai. He leads the way out of the hotel room, not holding the door open behind him and letting it smack into Dazai. The little squeak Dazai lets out makes him laugh at least. They head out for another full day of travel and being Double Black. Chuuya figures the subject has been dismissed.

Then the next morning Chuuya wakes up to Dazai shaking him, which would be normal if not for the fact that he is for once not having a nightmare. It 's clearly still very early from the pink light still visible in the room.

'What the fuck? ' asks Chuuya, still half asleep.

'Come on, chibi, ' says Dazai, sounding completely awake. 'Get dressed. '

'It 's only, ' Chuuya pauses to check his phone, 'Fucking five thirty in the morning. We don 't have to be up for hours. I know you can function on zero sleep, but not all of us can. '

Dazai sighs and grabs Chuuya 's hand, pulling him roughly into a sitting position. 'I thought you wanted a chance to

do

things. '

That wakes Chuuya up significantly. 'What sort of things? '

'You won 't know if you don 't get up, ' taunts Dazai. He laughs as Chuuya shoves him away.

Chuuya gets out of bed. Dazai 's already laid out clothes for him. Normally he 'd snap at him for going though his stuff, but he 's too curious right now. The clothes are simple, jeans and a black t-shirt. He eyes the purple ball cap sitting there.

'Your hair is too flashy and your ugly hat even more so, ' says Dazai, shoving the hat on his head.

Chuuya rolls his eyes, adjusting the hat so it 's more comfortable. He could mention that Dazai 's bandages are way more distinct than anything he wears. Dazai seems to be trying to cover them up under a white long sleeve (seriously, how does he never get hot?).

He follows Dazai out of the hotel room, who still won 't tell him where they 're going. They take the elevator down to the main floor. Dazai leads the way out of the hotel, avoiding interacting with anyone in the lobby with ease.

They walk for at least ten minutes. Chuuya stops asking Dazai where they 're going (because he obviously won 't answer anyway) and just enjoys being outside. He 's still too tired for real conversation. It 's already warm out despite being so early, but it 's still pleasant. The city is quiet for the most part. There 's some activity around them though, businesses starting to open up and people on their way to work.

Eventually Dazai pulls him into an old looking diner on a corner. Chuuya doesn 't catch the name of it before they walk inside, a bell dinging overhead when they open the door. The place is fairly small. They 're surprisingly not the only people there. A couple of older men are seated at the counter drinking coffee and there 's a woman by herself eating a huge stack of pancakes on the other side.

Chuuya is still taking it all in when Dazai takes his arm and drags him into a booth, one of the only ones not in front of a window. Chuuya settles down into his seat, still looking around at the place.

A waitress comes out of the back room and up to their table right away, putting down two menus. 'Morning, darlings, ' she says in a slight southern accent. Her name tag reads Annabeth. 'Can I get y 'all something to drink? '

Chuuya opens the menu, looking for the beverages. 'Do you guys have tea? '

'Sweet tea? ' asks Annabeth. Chuuya frowns, why do these people have to ruin tea with gobs of sugar?

'He 'll take a water, ' says Dazai, rolling his eyes. 'And I 'll do a coffee and a water. '

'Sure thing, ' says Annabeth, smiling at them before heading back into the kitchen.

'I could have gotten a coffee, ' says Chuuya.

'I 'll get you one of your extravagant grass drinks later, ' says Dazai, flipping though the menu. 'I don 't want to deal with your complaining. Of all the things to be a snob about, you pick tea. '

Chuuya snorts and starts to read the menu himself. It 's standard breakfast food. There 's eggs, waffles, pancakes. The front of the menu identifies the place as The Sunshine Diner, fitting and generic for Florida.

Annabeth returns with their drinks, placing them in front of them. 'Are you two ready to order or do you need a couple minutes? '

'I 'll take the pancakes, ' says Chuuya. They 'd looked pretty good on the girl 's plate at the counter. 'And a side of hash browns. '

'I 'll do the waffles, ' says Dazai.

'Whipped cream? ' asks Annabeth, taking their menus.

'Oh yeah, ' says Dazai, smiling widely. Annabeth smiles back. Chuuya rolls his eyes. Of course Dazai would get something vaguely dessert-like.

'Okay, I 'll put the order in, ' says Annabeth. 'Shouldn 't be too long. '

Chuuya thanks her. He turns to Dazai once she walks away. 'So? '

'So? ' repeats Dazai, leaning back in the booth and crossing his arms.

'You get a sudden craving for diner food? ' asks Chuuya. He leans his elbow on the table, propping his head against his hand.

'Chibi said he was feeling confined, ' says Dazai, which is not actually what Chuuya said, but kind of what he meant. 'So I decided to take my dog out for a walk. '

'And your solution is this? ' Chuuya gestures to the restaurant around them, the worn out booth they 're sitting in, the chipped sun paintings on the wall.

'

This

place opens at 5:30AM, is generally pretty quiet, and its average customer is over 65, ' says Dazai. He puts a disgusting amount of sugar in his coffee before taking a sip.

Chuuya gets what he means then. It 's the kind of place where they 're highly unlikely to get recognized. It 's a chance for them to get outside and just be themselves for a little bit. Dazai had figured out exactly what Chuuya really wanted, for them to get to be alone together and have some fucking breathing room without any expectations.

Chuuya laughs, not even surprised Dazai is able to read him so well. The only thing that does surprise him is when Dazai had the time yesterday to find this place. Kouyou hadn 't been wrong about him, he

is

slippery. But he

likes

that about him, especially when he uses it to go behind Chuuya 's back to do things for him like this.

(Ideally, he is supposed to becoming

less

attached to Dazai, less fixated. It 's not fucking working so far.)

Chuuya takes a sip of his water, relaxing into his own seat. Dazai continues to drink his coffee quietly across from him.

'My mom used to like places like this, ' says Chuuya, voice carefully casual. Dazai freezes with his coffee halfway to his face. 'She hated chain restaurants. She was big into supporting weird local places. '

'We can leave, ' offers Dazai slowly, coffee still in midair.

'No, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. 'I didn 't mean it as a bad thing. She wasn 't 'I liked going to places like this with her. '

Dazai sets his coffee down, it thunks loudly against the table. 'I 'm going to say something terrible. '

'Since when has that ever stopped you, mackerel? ' asks Chuuya, smiling at him.

'I hate your mother, ' says Dazai, with the kind of hatred Chuuya has only ever seen him display towards Mori, and this may actually surpass that. 'I 'm not sorry she 's dead. If she wasn 't, I 'd kill her myself. '

'That 's 'yeah, that 's pretty terrible, ' agrees Chuuya. It 's probably fucked up that is makes Chuuya so pleased. He takes another drink of his water.

'You 've never asked about my family, ' says Dazai, looking down at the table instead of at Chuuya.

Chuuya sighs, he 'd thought he 'd made himself clear on this. But he can say it out loud if he needs to. 'If you have something to tell me, you 'll tell me. '

'You 're not the slightest bit curious? ' asks Dazai. He looks up to give Chuuya a searching look.

'I am very fucking curious, which you know, ' says Chuuya, shrugging. 'But I know better than to try to pry something out of you when you 're not willing. '

'They 're not bad people, per se, ' says Dazai after a moment. Chuuya keeps his face blank, open to whatever Dazai is willing to give. 'They just weren 't really cut out to be parents. '

'Funny how often that seems to happen, ' says Chuuya. He half-snorts bitterly. 'Do you still talk to them? '

'Only when absolutely necessary, ' says Dazai. He shuffles a bit in his seat. 'Legal documents, that sort of thing. We all prefer it that way. '

'Hmm. Sounds like they suck, ' says Chuuya.

'An apt description, ' says Dazai, laughing a little.

The slight tension is broken with Annabeth reappears from the kitchen with their food. The stack of pancakes is even bigger than he thought and Dazai 's waffles are topped with heaps of whipped cream and strawberries.

'There you boys go, ' says Annabeth. 'Can I get y 'all anything else? '

'No, thanks, this is great, ' says Chuuya, already pouring syrup on his pancakes. He hadn 't even been that hungry when they 'd walked in, but now he 's excited.

'Well just holler if you need something, ' says Annabeth, going to check on the girl at the counter and refill the older men 's coffees.

Chuuya had figured the subject was closed, so he 's surprised when Dazai speaks up again in between bites of his waffle. 'My parents shoved me into music more as something to keep me occupied. '

'How old were you? ' asks Chuuya. He can 't even remember how old he was when his mom had started him on the piano. It seems like it 'd always been a part of his life.

'Ten, ' says Dazai. He doesn 't look happy but he keeps going. 'I don 't think they were expecting me to take to it so strongly. Neither of them had any real interest in it. '

'Then you turn out to be a child prodigy, ' says Chuuya, seeing where this is going. 'Which reaches Mori somehow. '

Dazai stabs his next piece of waffle probably harder than he needs to. 'Yup. I 'm still not sure how he manages to track his acts down. I have no idea how he picked up on you hidden in The Sheep. '

'He knew who I was, ' says Chuuya, fighting down his own discomfort. 'Who I really was, I mean. He knew who my mom was. He told me the first time I met him. '

'That doesn 't surprise me, ' says Dazai darkly. Then he looks up, a confused expression on his face. 'Wait, what do you mean who you really were? '

'He knew my old last name, Kashimura, ' says Chuuya slowly and slightly awkwardly. He had been sure Dazai knew that.

Dazai opens and closes his mouth, having very clearly not known that. 'You have a fake last name, ' he says blankly.

'It 's not

fake

, ' says Chuuya, slightly annoyed. 'It 's real, it 's the name on all my documents now. I didn 't want to be connected to the other name after everything. '

Dazai 's face lights up in understanding. He snorts then. 'Do you know how many hours I could have saved if I had known that? '

Chuuya laughs too. 'Maybe that 'll teach you to not be such a nosy bastard. '

Chuuya 's phone buzzes, but it 's just Tachihara sending him a song he 'd mentioned last night. Chuuya puts it down to listen to later. 'Is anyone going to be wondering where we are? '

'They have no reason to believe we 're not still at the hotel, ' says Dazai. He 's mostly done with his food and is now arranging what's left on his plate into a waffle and whipped cream pyramid.

'Won 't our phones show that we 're not? ' asks Chuuya. He 's starting to get full himself. He always hates wasting so much food though, an old habit from when he was living on the generosity of others after he 'd ditched his last foster family.

Dazai scoffs. 'I turned off the GPS on our phones weeks ago. ' He finishes his coffee and leans back into his seat.

Chuuya sighs and lays down his fork. 'Don 't touch my stuff, mackerel. '

'Don 't have such obvious passwords, slug, ' says Dazai. He signals to their waitress for the bill, which he pays in cash. Chuuya raises his eyebrows.

'If you 're going incognito, don 't leave a paper trail, ' says Dazai simply. Chuuya shakes his head, but follows him out of the diner and back towards the hotel.

The city is more awake than when they 'd gotten there, so they keep their heads down as they walk, not talking much. They get back to the hotel without any hiccups, sliding past the people in the lobby. Chuuya pulls Dazai to the stairs rather than the elevator, even though he pouts (lazy asshole).

They quickly change in their hotel room into their usual attire. Chuuya exchanges the purple hat for his usual one, wondering what Arthur is up to. Chuuya has been meaning to reach out to him, but hasn 't found the time or the words yet. He 'd kind of blown up at him when they 'd met. He doesn 't feel like apologizing though, he 's not sorry. So he keeps putting it off.

They head downstairs to meet the rest of the tour crew at the fancy hotel breakfast. Chuuya loses Dazai in the crowd, but grabs some fruit and goes to sit next to Hirotsu (yes, he 'd just been full, but it looks good).

The older man greets him with a tired smile. 'Is that all you 're eating? '

'I 'm fine, ' says Chuuya, popping a grape into his mouth.

Dazai shows up, carrying a cup that he places in front of Chuuya. It 's the tea he 'd promised.

Chuuya raises the cup towards him in thanks, taking a sip. It 's still pretty hot, but not boiling like Kouyou would have it.

Dazai shoves Chuuya in further to sit next to him. He eyes Chuuya 's plate. 'How are you still hungry? Your body is so tiny. Where do you store all the food? '

Chuuya throws a few grapes at his face. Hirotsu sighs loudly. It 's the start of another day on tour.

It becomes another one of their rituals though. Dazai will drag him to weird, off the beat and path places when they have a lull period. Sometimes it 's the early morning, sometimes it 's the middle of the night or the early afternoon. They don 't always pull off not getting recognized, but for the most part they 're left alone. They go to cafes, a laser tag place where they 're the only players, and even a museum once (where they 'd played a game that consisted of who could pull of the biggest stunt before they got kicked out).

While they 're now even busier than they used to be (especially when they have to sprint to be on time for an event because they 'd dicked around for too long), Chuuya is much happier. It makes him feel more himself to get a chance to just hang out. Dazai doesn 't make it easy to tell his mood, but Chuuya can tell he appreciates it too. At the very least he hopes Dazai finds it a little less boring.

His favorite time with Dazai is still on stage, but these times aren 't a bad second.

April 29, Three Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya wakes up on his seventeenth birthday feeling more well rested than usual. It takes him a moment to recognize what the weight is slumped against him. Dazai is still in bed too, which is rare. His face is smushed into the pillow almost completely. His left arm is resting across Chuuya 's stomach, his hand curled against his right hip. It 's warm, and Chuuya wants to linger in it.

But then the brightness of the room registers. Chuuya pulls away, to which Dazai makes a soft whining sound. Chuuya grabs his phone, seeing that it 's already 10AM. He quickly dismisses all the missed calls and texts.

'You fucker, ' says Chuuya, scrambling to get out of bed. 'Did you turn off my alarm? '

Dazai opens his eyes and sighs. He clearly hadn 't been really asleep. 'I thought chibi could use his beauty rest. '

'We were supposed to get up two hours ago, ' says Chuuya, trying not to get angry. He can see how Dazai thought it was a nice gesture, and Chuuya knows this is Dazai 's usual way of doing things for him. But fuck, he really doesn 't want to spend his birthday getting another lecture from Hirotsu. He 's already annoyed they have to spend it working. They 're in Kansas City, Missouri and are staying here until after the concert tomorrow. 'We 're going to be late. We have those stupid interviews and that fucking talk show appearance. '

Dazai doesn 't make any move to get out of bed. 'Do we? '

Chuuya pauses from starting to lift off his shirt at the tone of his voice. 'What is that supposed to mean? '

'I made them up, ' says Dazai simply, stretching his arms out.

'You-you

what

? ' asks Chuuya.

'I made them up, ' repeats Dazai cheerfully. 'The interviews and appearance we were supposed to do today don 't exist. I put them on the schedule so everyone would think the day was filled until it was too late. ' Dazai smirks a bit. 'I emailed everyone last night to inform them of the 'mix up. ' Didn 't you think it was odd no one had come to get us despite us being so late? '

Chuuya stands there, trying to take that all in. Everything today had been scheduled months ago, which means Dazai has been planning this for

months.

He 's been planning for it way before Chuuya had ever mentioned how much he needed breaks from the monotony of tour.

'We have the day off, ' says Chuuya in wonder, still hardly believing it.

'We have the day off, ' echos Dazai, grinning widely. 'Well, except there 's your birthday dinner with the tour crew tonight. We have to be back in time for that. '

Chuuya stares at Dazai blankly, not able to form any words.

'So, what do you want to do? ' asks Dazai, smirking at his shock.

Chuuya recovers, trying to hide his enormous smile. 'Get dressed, we 're getting the fuck out of the city. '

Dazai follows his orders for once. They dress casually for the day, though Chuuya keeps the hat and choker. Dazai rolls his eyes but doesn 't comment on it. He doesn 't complain at all as Chuuya leads the way, easily swiping the keys to one of the PMR vans.

They find the van after walking up and down the lanes of the parking lot and unlocking and locking the doors. Chuuya hops in the driver 's seat, practically buzzing from the thrill of a full day ahead of them.

'So where are we going? ' asks Dazai as Chuuya adjusts the seat.

'Don 't pretend like you don 't already have it planned out, ' says Chuuya, turning to give Dazai an unimpressed look.

'It 's chibi 's birthday, ' says Dazai, throwing his legs up on the dashboard. 'He should get to pick. '

'Just shut up and tell me where we 're going, ' says Chuuya, putting the car in gear and pulling out of the hotel parking lot.

'Well, there is this lake about half an hour north of here, ' says Dazai. 'It 's not super warm in April, but it 's certainly 'the fuck out of the city. ' '

Chuuya snorts. It sounds absolutely perfect. 'It 'll do. '

Chuuya turns up the radio as they drive out of town. Dazai doesn 't even wail about the music much. He even sings along with Chuuya to a couple of the songs. They stop at a department store on the way to grab supplies, mainly throwing a bunch of snacks in the cart as fast as possible to get out of there quickly. Someone asks them if they 're Double Black near the check out line and Dazai says no so convincingly Chuuya almost ruins it by laughing.

They end up sitting in shitty lawn chairs they bought at the store at the edge of the lake, eating cheap junk food and listening to music on Chuuya 's phone (which Chuuya has turned on Do Not Disturb to silence all the incoming calls and texts). It 's the most relaxed Chuuya has felt in 'probably since last June to be honest.

Chuuya takes another drink of the bottled peach tea Dazai had picked out, even though its sugary nonsense and should barely get to be called tea. 'How long have you been plotting this? ' Chuuya asks, smiling over at Dazai.

'Plotting? ' repeats Dazai, rolling his eyes. 'This is how you thank someone for such a wonderful gift? ' Chuuya leans forward so he can kick his chair, and Dazai smiles back.

'My initial plan was to go to a bar again, ' says Dazai. 'Just for the tradition. I was going to make Tachihara come too. '

Chuuya laughs. 'I don 't even think he 's really forgiven you for last time. '

'Holding grudges places unnecessary stress on the body, ' says Dazai obnoxiously. 'He should learn to let go of his anger. '

Chuuya shakes his head. 'You 're such an asshole. ' It comes out extremely fond.

While Chuuya has somewhat gotten used to being famous (or as used to it as you could get), he hadn 't been looking forward to all the fuss that would be his birthday. Last year had been hard enough to get through. He 'd never anticipated getting to have this.

They sit in silence for a couple minutes, just soaking in the sun. It 's not the best weather to hang out at the lake, but Chuuya doesn 't have any complaints.

'Seventeen, ' says Dazai, ruining the moment, 'What is that in dog years? '

'I fucking hate you, ' says Chuuya, because he 's not allowed to say the opposite (despite how much he feels it in this moment). He settles for chucking a cheese puff at him. Dazai catches it and pops it in his mouth.

'I wonder where we 'll be this time next year, ' says Dazai, stretching out so he 's practically laying in his chair. The implication that they 'll obviously be together causes a pang in Chuuya 's chest.

'Next year, ' declares Chuuya, 'We will be in L.A. I don 't care who I have to threaten to make it happen. '

'I forget that chibi gets homesick, ' says Dazai, smirking at him.

'I 'm not homesick yet, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes. 'I may not be a fan of all the extra bullshit that comes along with it, but getting to play for all our fans is amazing. I don 't think I could ever be sick of it. '

'Chuuya, save all that sappy crap for the interviews, ' says Dazai.

Chuuya doesn 't react to the taunt, too content to be bothered. The day passes by too quickly. They don 't even really do anything. They eat, they listen to music, they play a couple rounds of video games with the console Dazai brought with them. They dip their toes in the water before deciding it 's way too cold to get in. But if someone had asked Chuuya what his ideal birthday would be like, this would have been his answer.

It 's much too soon when they have to pack up to go back to the city. Chuuya has to convince Dazai not to leave the lawn chairs. Dazai argues back that they 're never going to use them again, and it was better to ditch the evidence they 'd stolen the van. Chuuya ignores him and shoves them in the back of the van.

The drive back is quieter. Chuuya takes the time to return all the phone calls he 'd ignored, apologizing and making excuses for not answering while accepting birthday wishes. Dazai is on his own phone, reading emails and playing a game. He only reacts when Chuuya calls Mori and that 's to give him a disgusted look.

They arrive back to the hotel around dusk. Chuuya grabs the lawn chairs out of the van, carrying them up to the front desk.

'Hey, can you have these shipped to L.A? ' he asks the front desk worker.

'Um, yes, ' says the woman, obviously recognizing him and looking between him and the chairs in bewilderment. 'Uh, do you have an address? '

'Port Mafia Records, for Osamu Dazai, ' says Chuuya brightly. 'You can put it on the PMR tab. '

He walks away before the woman responds. Dazai is waiting for him, shaking his head at Chuuya. He leads the way to the elevator. They stop at their room and Chuuya takes a quick shower and changes, trying to prepare himself for the birthday dinner waiting for him. The food should be good at least. He kind of has a stomachache from eating junk all day.

Once they 're both ready they go to the lobby, waiting for the car to take them to the restaurant PMR has rented out for the night. Chuuya almost sighs when his phone rings, preparing himself for another polite conversation before he notices the name on the screen.

He answers as quickly as possible. 'Hey, ' he says, excitement clear in his voice.

'Hello, ' says Kouyou, sounding pleased as well. 'Happy birthday, Chuuya. '

'Thank you, ' says Chuuya, actually meaning it for once. 'It 's great to hear from you. '

'Like I 'd miss your birthday, ' Kouyou scoffs. 'I trust you had a nice day? Hirotsu called in about the

mix up

with the scheduling. ' It 's clear Kouyou knows exactly what happened.

'Yeah, what a strange coincidence, ' says Chuuya, laughing a little.

'You should go outside, ' says Kouyou, a hint of mischief in her voice.

'Kouyou, I said you didn 't have to get me anything, ' says Chuuya, though he 's not surprised. One did not easily tell Kouyou Ozaki what to do. He walks outside, and he sees Dazai follow behind him.

Chuuya sees it the second he gets outside the doors. 'No way. No fucking way. '

'Is that a pink motorcycle? ' asks Dazai. He sounds deeply unimpressed.

'It is not pink, it is obviously red, you blind moron, ' snaps Chuuya, pulling the phone away from his mouth before putting it back. 'Oh my god, Kouyou, I

love

it. You shouldn 't have. Thank you. '

'I figured I owed it to you after not getting you a car after you got your license, ' says Kouyou happily. 'But if you ever injure yourself on it, I will kill you. '

'Of course, ' says Chuuya easily. He walks forward to run his hands down the seat, still in awe.

'I 'm afraid I have to go, ' says Kouyou, sounding very sorry and a bit annoyed. 'But once you get back we 'll celebrate properly. '

'Sounds good, ' says Chuuya, not bothering to tell her it 's not necessary, she wouldn 't listen anyway. 'Thanks, Kouyou. '

'Bye, Chuuya. Have a good night, ' says Kouyou before hanging up.

Chuuya puts his phone in his pocket and throws his leg over the side of the bike so he can sit down, get the feel of it. He puts his hands over the handlebars. It 's amazing, and he hasn 't even turned the ignition yet.

'A tacky motorcycle to go with your tacky hat, ' says Dazai, observing him.

'Watch the comments or I 'll never take you for a ride on it, ' says Chuuya, too wrapped up in the motorcycle to really be affected by Dazai 's insults.

'Why would I ever want to ride on that? ' asks Dazai, face horrified at the thought.

Chuuya laughs, already thinking of how to trick him into getting on it. It 's funny how much he had been almost dreading today when he 'd gone to bed last night. This is the best birthday he 's ever had.

Late May, Four Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya doesn 't know how long he 's been awake, staring at the ceiling. The room has gone from mostly dark to somewhat brighter, indicating it 's been a long time. Dazai is asleep next to him, curled into himself and hogging most of the blankets. He always did get cold at night. He 's not touching any part of Chuuya, it 's almost odd to not have the sensation of bandages against his skin.

Chuuya isn 't even trying to sleep anymore, his mind just wouldn 't shut the fuck up. It 's playing a series of moments and memories, all of them terrible. It 's like a nightmare except he 's wide awake. He 'd had a feeling this was coming, but he 'd naively thought he could shove it down as he usually did.

He gets out of bed as quietly as he can (Dazai gets so little sleep, Chuuya isn 't going to ruin that for him. Chuuya drags him down enough as it is anyway,

a god of calamity

). He can 't stand to be in this room anymore. It 's suffocating, this whole fucking tour is suffocating, this entire existence is suffocating.

Chuuya goes for the backpack he carries around instead of his public appearances wardrobe (And isn 't that telling that he still keeps a set of clothes for running away? What had really changed since he was thirteen?). He puts on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, throwing a grey hoodie on under his old green jacket. He leaves his hat and choker (too distinctive) even though it feels wrong, his neck and head the incorrect weight.

Chuuya takes his phone and sets it next to the items he leaves behind. The time reads a little after five. He figures it 's enough of a signal to Dazai that he 's gone off on his own. But he doesn 't want anyone following him, not today.

He takes one last look at the other boy before he leaves the room. It makes his throat feel tight, and he swallows roughly as he turns to go, still being as silent as possible. He pulls the door behind him slowly so it only making a soft click as it shuts.

Chuuya doesn 't hesitate as he makes his way to the stairs, pulling his hood over his (unfortunately recognizable) red hair. People tend to look at you less when you look like you know where you 're going. He takes the stairs calmly, the only other people he crosses go about their own business, clearly just getting in or heading somewhere to be up this early.

He leaves the hotel out of a side entrance instead of the front door. He passes all of the tour vehicles as he walks, which makes him scowl a little.

It 's probably selfish of him to take off like this. He doesn 't want to disappoint anyone. But the thought of putting on his usual facade seems impossible right now. He 's not like Dazai, he can 't just fabricate an entire personality just because he needs to.

The fresh air makes it a little easier to breathe at least. Chuuya feels, well, not better as he gets further away, but a tiny bit lighter. He slips into the movement of the city around him. Chicago is distinctly different than L.A, but the familiar morning noises of the city settle something in him, the birds and the sounds of buses and traffic.

He doesn 't have an exact route in mind, he just heads in the direction where he sees the lake. No one stops him as he walks, which is a miracle (although he probably looks like some street punk skulking around right now).

There aren 't too many people near the beach as he gets closer. A sign tells him that it 's closed, but he ignores that and walks onto the sand. He kicks off his shoes and carries them, the cool sand feeling cold against his bare feet.

Chuuya gets closer to the water so that it starts to drawn out the other noise. He sits down in the sand, tossing his shoes next to him. He crosses his legs and leans his elbows against his knees, leaning his head against his hands.

Do you want to know why you and I are so miserable?

his mom had asked him once,

Because you 're stuck with me and I wanted to have a human child.

Funny, now she 'd been gone ten years and he was still miserable.

It 's always strange to him how his anger about this is different than his anger about everything else. Usually when he was mad he lashed out, he wanted to hurt, to destroy. But when it came to this, that kind of reaction just felt hollow. He didn 't have the energy to do any of that.

Ten years, she 'd been gone

ten years

. He 's seventeen, he has a family, he has an album that 's been on the top of the charts for months. He 'd done what Arthur had said, he 'd made his own way in the world, he hadn 't let what had happened to him hold him back.

So why did he still not feel fucking human? Why did he still hear her words echo in the back of his head? Why couldn 't he just fucking get over it?

The emptiness feels insurmountable.

Lake Michigan isn 't the worst substitute for the ocean. It has waves at least, even if it 's missing the feeling of salt in the air that comes from the real ocean.

Chuuya 's not sure where his attachment to the ocean began. It reminds him of music in a way, the crash of the waves on the shore. He 's not sure how to put it into words why he finds it so calming. There 's something about the vastness of it, that it remains constant no matter where in the world you go. Regardless of everything else, the tide always flows. The water has no preference for humans or nonhumans. It ignores the existence of all, just continuing to be.

He continues to sit there, watching the lake. He 's not even sure if he really thinks as he does, more just letting his mind be blank, watching a wave crash on the shore, pull back in, and repeat. Time seems to flow strangely around him. The sky loses any trace of pink for a bright blue, and the sun is already high in the sky. He 's not sure if it feels like seconds or days.

The sound of footsteps drawing near forces him back into the present somewhat. At first he thinks he has to be hallucinating, that the person he wants to see the most and the least can 't be walking towards him. But a hallucination wouldn 't look as pissed as Dazai does as he approaches him.

'God damn it, slug, ' says Dazai when he reaches him, sounding slightly out of breath. The anger in his voice is more apparent than he usually lets it be. 'Do you have idea how long I 've been looking for you? This beach is closed, and it doesn 't allow dogs, especially ones without their collars. '

'How the hell did you find me? ' asks Chuuya, voice coming out thick after not speaking for 'hours probably. He 's almost certain he hadn 't left any trace of where he was headed.

'You 're extremely predictable, ' says Dazai, rolling his eyes. He gestures to the lake beside them irritably. 'You get upset, look for the nearest body of water. Everyone from the tour thinks we 're together and blowing off work. '

'I didn 't ask you to cover for me, ' says Chuuya. There is a hint of frustration trickling in, more vivid than usual after feeling so numb.

'I didn 't do it for you, I did it so everyone wouldn 't panic that you were missing, ' says Dazai, clearly more than a hint frustrated. He sits down in the sand next to Chuuya, facing him with a smile that couldn 't be further from happy. 'Now, care to share why you 're playing hooky? '

'Not really, ' says Chuuya flatly, not turning away from looking at the lake.

'Not good enough, ' says Dazai sharply, even raising his voice a bit.

That shocks Chuuya into turning to look at him. Dazai is staring back, expression hard. He 'd never fought him before on things he hadn 't wanted to talk about.

'Today is 'well, today 's the day it happened, ' says Chuuya, voice still emotionless. 'The thing with my mom. The day she died. Ten years ago. '

'If you don 't tell me things like this, how am I supposed to know? ' asks Dazai, although there 's been a shift in his body language. He 's still clearly angry, but now there 's more to it. 'Do you really think I 'd let them make you play

Corruption

today if I knew? '

'It 's not about that, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. 'Although I couldn 't ignore it as easily this year because of that. It 's not even really about her. It 's about 'me, I guess. It 's been ten years, but I still ', ' Chuuya pauses, unsure of his words. Chuuya has never had to say it out loud to another person before, he 'd never felt like he could. But Dazai was here, and he 'd never flinched away from anything Chuuya had told him, never treated him any differently. 'I still can 't stop believing I 'm what she told me I am."

Dazai still doesn 't flinch, but something flashes in his eyes. He 's quiet for a moment, and Chuuya tries hard to shove down the fear that he 's finally pushed him too far. Chuuya 's gaze flickers down and he notices Dazai 's fingers picking at the edge of his bandages. He looks back up at Dazai 's face, and it 's clear he saw him notice, but he doesn 't look bothered by it.

'I once read somewhere that music is the vernacular of the human soul, ' says Dazai, voice barely carrying over the sound of the waves. He swallows, then continues on much louder. 'I haven 't said this because I thought I had made my thoughts on the matter perfectly clear. But if you haven 't gotten it through your tiny skull, the music you write is the most achingly human thing I 've ever heard. And if for some stupid reason you 're not human, then I 'm not either. Whatever we are, we 're the same. '

'Dazai ', ' is the only word Chuuya can form in response, voice trembling.

'What? ' asks Dazai. It 's said with confidence, a declaration that he won 't allow Chuuya to disagree with what he 's just said. His dark eyes never leave Chuuya 's, more settling than a thousand oceans.

Chuuya has too much he wants to say, too much to thank him for. This was why Chuuya could never disturb the thing between them with his feelings, he couldn 't lose this. He would rather have Dazai by his side than risk anything. Partner is too weak a word to encapsulate all that he is to him, but he doesn 't have a better one.

You make me want to believe that I 'm human,

admits Chuuya to himself.

To be worthy of someone like you, I 'd have to be human. And I want to be, so I can be that.

Instead of saying that, he reaches forward awkwardly. His arms wrap around Dazai 's shoulders, and he pulls him in close, as if by doing it all at once he can cover his nerves. Chuuya buries his face in Dazai 's shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

Dazai sputters a bit, clearly caught off guard. For a long second Chuuya is worried he made a terrible mistake. But then Dazai 's arms come up, his right hand resting on his spine while his left arm covers his shoulders. His grip is just as rough, just as clumsy. It makes Chuuya smile, glad his face is hidden.

The only sounds he can hear are the waves of the lake crashing on the shore and their breathing. Their position is slightly uncomfortable but neither of them let go for a long while. Dazai 's hand moves hesitantly up and down his spine, unused to giving 'affection? Comfort? Whatever it is, it grounds Chuuya. He couldn 't be feeling further away than how he 'd felt in the hotel this morning.

Eventually he loosens his grip. Dazai immediately does the same. His face is hard to decipher as Chuuya pulls away, not because it 's an act, but because there are almost too many emotions to sort through. Chuuya has no idea what his face looks like, but it 's probably something similar.

They just look at each other for a moment in silence. Chuuya isn 't sure what to say after that.

'We should go swimming, ' declares Dazai suddenly, shifting the mood entirely.

'Dazai. It is

May.

In

Illinois

, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes. The relief he feels at being able to shift back to normal (well, their version of normal) is overwhelming. 'The water is freezing fucking cold. '

'Funny, I thought slugs were cold-blooded, ' says Dazai, flashing Chuuya a huge smile. He stands up and starts striping down to his underwear and bandages, walking towards the water without any hesitation.

'You are literally going to get hypothermia, ' warns Chuuya, watching him half with dread and the other half amusement. 'Oh my god, stop. Wait. You 're going to soak your bandages-oh, fuck it. ' Chuuya pulls off his own clothes and tosses them into the sand. He charges into the water too, gasping out loud at how cold it is.

Chuuya reaches where Dazai had gone under and has now resurfaced, hair wet and hanging in his face. He 's clearly shivering, but he 's still smiling at Chuuya.

'If you 're there, I can play

Corruption

tonight, ' says Chuuya.

The smile drops from Dazai 's face. 'Chibi, you don 't have to push yourself to-, ' Dazai starts to say before Chuuya cuts him off.

'Doesn 't matter, ' says Chuuya, completely assured despite his teeth chattering a little. 'That 's what being Soukoku means, right? As long as you 're there, I can get through whatever. '

Dazai meets his eyes and then nods once, steadily. Then he winds up and splashes Chuuya in the face with icy water.

Chuuya splashes him back. Then he goes back into shore, already dreading getting his clothes wet. He tries to ring out his hair a little. Dazai follows behind him, also looking cold and unhappy. Chuuya wonders if it 's worse for him with the damp bandages.

'I grabbed your phone, ' says Dazai once they 're fully dressed and about to leave, tossing it to him. 'Don 't leave it behind again. '

Chuuya barely catches it. 'Thanks, ' he says sarcastically, though he means it a bit.

He sees a bunch of texts asking about where he is, and one from Dazai that is basically a threat that he was going to regret this stunt, but a couple messages stands out in particular.

[10:03 am Arthur Rimbaud]: I 'm thinking about you today. In the year since we 've met, you 've managed to impress me even more. Double Black is one of the best albums I 've heard in years. You have much to be proud of. I 'm sorry all the success overlaps with such a dark time.

[10:06 am Arthur Rimbaud]: Apologies if this text offends you. I know I 'm still under orders to fuck off.

Chuuya laughs, hard. He hadn 't spoken to Arthur long enough to learn much about him, but he feels warm at his words despite how cold his body is.

[11:22 am Chuuya]: I may be open to lifting those orders

[11:22 am Chuuya]: Thank you Arthur

June 19, Nearly Five Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya is standing just offstage while Dazai talks to the crowd. He has no idea what he 's saying though, he 's too busy fighting off his jitteriness to listen.

The only song left on their setlist is

Corruption.

Chuuya had been surprised that they were going to do a show on Dazai 's birthday, but Dazai hadn 't seemed to mind.

He 's gone back and forth whether this is a great idea or going to completely backfire a thousand times. He 'd already taken Dazai to get frozen yogurt at seven this morning and given him the new games he 'd thought he 'd like. Dazai had seemed grateful and didn 't seem to expect anything else.

But it doesn 't feel like even close to enough. Dazai 's birthday gift had been perfect, and he 'd pulled it off masterfully. Chuuya had to do his best to match it.

The things that made Dazai happy weren 't as obvious though. Chuuya had wracked his brain for weeks before coming up with this.

It 's a risk, that 's for sure. Chuuya takes another deep breath, pumping himself up. Then he strides out onto the stage, smile plastered on his face. The audience yells as he comes into view, cutting Dazai off in the middle of his sentence.

Dazai looks up to watch him walk towards him on stage. Dazai is leaning up against the piano, and his expression turns to a confused one as he takes in Chuuya 's outfit.

Chuuya had done a quick change into the clothes he 'd stashed backstage. Instead of a suit or the carefully selected clothes from the wardrobe department, he wears a pair of jeans with a slight tear in the knee and a plain red t-shirt, a cheap leather jacket completing the look. He 'd even left off his chocker and his hat. He 's never played a show without them this tour.

Basically, he 's dressed like a teenage brat, the exact opposite of the look that had been drilled into them over and over again. They were supposed to lean out of their age, not into it.

'

Oh grantors of dark disgrace

, ' sings Chuuya flippantly, not putting any of the usual emotion he would into the words. He waves a hand along to the lyrics dismissively. 'Do not wake me, blah blah blah. '

Dazai 's expression shifts from confused to slightly bewildered. He stays in place as Chuuya approaches, clearly not sure where Chuuya is going with this.

'Actually I don 't feel like singing

Corruption

, ' says Chuuya, wrinkling his nose, now standing in front of Dazai. He taps his chin as if in thought. 'I don 't really feel like singing with you either. '

He reaches forward and rips the microphone out of Dazai 's ear and tosses it on the ground, crushing it with his foot. Dazai is too shocked to stop him, mouth hanging slightly open.

'What are you doing? ' asks Dazai. Chuuya is the only one who can hear him without his mic.

'Sorry, can 't hear you, ' says Chuuya, shrugging casually. He walks towards the center of the stage. 'Let 's try this! '

'

When I was six, I saw my first picture below the hips

, ' sings Chuuya enthusiastically. He dances along with the words, swaying his own hips suggestively. '

By the time I was ten, I still thought about down there now and again. '

The audience doesn 't seem to know what to think at first, but there 's some whoops of approval.

'As I got older, my thoughts grew bolder. '

Chuuya stalks around the front of the stage obnoxiously. '

Until my desires couldn 't be denied. '

In addition to the way they 're supposed to dress, they 're also not supposed to be overtly sexual. Kouyou often said, 'Sex sells, but it 's a cheap sale that doesn 't last. ' They didn 't have to be chaste or anything, but the way Chuuya is moving is definitely over the line.

Not to mention the song choice,

Vita Sexualis

. It would be a horrible choice from the lyrics alone. But the most damning thing about it is that it had been written by Ogai Mori, an old shame he 'd buried with ruthless precision.

Chuuya goes all out on the chorus, singing and dancing as flirtatiously as he can.

Vita sexualis, it 's natural to explore

Vita sexualis, can 't blame a guy for wanting more

I don 't know why everyone acts like it 's so complex

When it comes down to it, we 're all thinking about sex

'Hmm, not quite right, ' says Chuuya almost immediately after the chorus ends. The crowd is still screaming and laughing at his antics. 'Let 's try this.

'

It 's a Friday

, ' sings Chuuya solemnly, over-singing the words as much as possible. '

And it 's been a hell of a week. Feels like I 've been stuck in a losing streak

. '

They hadn 't gotten in too much trouble for inadvertently promoting The Sheep last time. Hirotsu hadn 't been exactly pleased, but he 'd ultimately concluded the PR boost outweighed the awkward situation with Gelhert Sound Services. But they had been warned to never sing

Life 's Better With A Little Party In It

again.

People actually start to sing along with him, and Chuuya has to fight not to smile and ruin his dramatic rendition.

'But tonight is the night we turn it around. There 's not a thing that can keep me down. '

'Nah, that 's not right either, ' says Chuuya, huffing a sigh. He then turns to face Dazai, who 's still standing near the piano. He 's wearing a look of sheer bafflement that almost breaks Chuuya 's concentration with the need to snort. He locks eyes with Dazai as he starts his next song, no longer putting on a show.

'

Happy birthday to you

, ' sings Chuuya earnestly, voice clear and full of emotion. He doesn 't hold anything back, trying to put how much he cares into the notes. For once, he ignores the fucking Count 's instructions and doesn 't look away from Dazai once as he walks forward. '

Happy birthday to you. '

Dazai doesn 't look away either, his face that slight show of vulnerable that he only shows when you truly catch him off guard.

'Happy birthday, dear, dear, dear Dazai

, ' sings Chuuya, reaching Dazai and slowly lifting his right fist to hit Dazai 's chest. Dazai 's hand comes up to catch his hand more seemingly on instinct than an active decision. '

Happy birthday to you. '

Chuuya is vaguely aware that the crowd had joined in singing with him at some point, but he doesn 't pay them any attention, still focused completely on Dazai. Dazai is staring back, hand still loosely gripping Chuuya 's fist, fingers trembling just the slightest bit. The emotion in his eyes is overpowering, he 's wholly transfixed, invested in the music Chuuya had just sung in a way Chuuya hasn 't really seen before.

'I guess we can sing

Corruption

now, ' says Chuuya, turning away and facing the crowd before he does something stupid. He keeps his tone light, but he has to force it. 'We just need to get Dazai a new mic. The guy is so clumsy, seriously. Those things are expensive, he should be more careful. '

He 's barely aware of the laughter that follows as Dazai shifts his grip to his wrist and pulls him offstage. His hold is tight, almost painful. But instead of going to get a new microphone he drags Chuuya into the nearest storage closet and closes the door behind them.

'What was that? ' asks Dazai. He releases him and leans against the closed door, arms crossed. His expression has slipped back into something less open, now more inquiring than anything.

'Your birthday present, ' says Chuuya, fighting to sound nonchalant. He still feels a bit exposed for how much of himself he 'd just put out there.

'People aren 't going to be very happy about your song choices, ' says Dazai, frowning a little. He 's still watching Chuuya, searching for answers.

'Or your wardrobe. Or anything you just did. I think you went far enough that you probably even earned a direct scolding from Mori. He 's going to be livid you sang

Vita Sexualis,

which I don 't even know how you know about. '

'Yeah, that 's kind of the fucking point, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes to cover up his nerves.

Chuuya gets to see the exact moment it dawns on Dazai. There 's a light inside his eyes that sparks. Still, he asks for confirmation. 'You pissed off Mori for me as a present? '

Chuuya shrugs as if it isn 't a big deal. 'You 're not exactly easy to shop for. '

Dazai laughs then, sharp and breathless. Then he smiles at Chuuya, much smaller and less expressive than his usual grin. It 's genuine, the kind Chuuya rarely sees (the kind he would destroy things to see). Chuuya can 't fight his own answering smile.

'If you 're done, we still have a show to finish, ' says Chuuya, shoving Dazai out of the way and exiting the closet. A stagehand is rushing down the hall and stops flat when he notices him, quickly saying he 's found them into his headset. They rush Chuuya back on stage while Dazai goes to get mic 'ed.

Chuuya ignores all the alarmed and uneasy looks he gets. He doesn 't care about the repercussions. Whatever they are, it had been totally worth it.

August, Six and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

It 's not uncommon for everyone on the tour crew to be freaking out, but it is uncommon for Chuuya to not know why they 're freaking out (or to not be the cause of it, or for

Dazai

to not be the cause of it). But there 's a frantic energy in the air when he walks into the stadium this afternoon. It 's still many hours before the show, and he can 't figure out why people are scrambling so much. Chuuya had just come from lunch at a place that served inside out sandwiches, and Dazai had stopped at the hotel to grab something.

He catches Tachihara as he 's walking by. He 's calmer than most of the other people, but he had a tension to his posture as well.

'What the hell is going on? ' asks Chuuya.

'Mori just emailed an hour ago, ' says Tachihara, smiling with way too many teeth to be happy. 'Elise is coming to see the show tonight. '

'Oh, ' says Chuuya. 'Fuck. '

'Yeah, ' agrees Tachihara. 'So it 's an all hands on deck situation. '

Chuuya lets Tachihara go, starting to feel a bit on edge himself. After his rendition of

Vita Sexualis

in June he 'd had a one on one video conference with Mori that still kind of haunted him to this day. Mori had ended the call with, 'Chuuya, despite all the reasons you 've given me not to, I like you. Don 't ruin that. ' Chuuya has made sure not to do anything since then to get on the boss 's radar.

The things is, Chuuya actually really likes Elise. She 's a sweet girl, if a little spoiled. He thinks more than anything else she just wants other kids her age to spend time with. But Mori keeps her under a pretty tight leash. He gets Mori 's reasoning for that though, there were a lot of people out there who would use Elise to get to Mori if given the opportunity.

But because of Mori 's overprotectiveness everyone at PMR had to bend over backwards to make sure she was taken care of and happy. It would not do well to disappoint her.

Chuuya jumps into preparing for the show with everyone, helping where he can. Dazai shows up eventually, surveying the madness around him, unfazed as usual.

'Something I should know? ' Dazai asks him while Chuuya tries to make the observation room more suitable for an eleven year old girl. He 's mostly spraying the shit out of everything with Febreeze and hoping for the best.

'Elise is on her way here, ' says Chuuya, turning to shrug at him.

'Port Mafia Record 's princess herself, ' says Dazai sarcastically. He flops onto the couch, clearly not interested in helping.

'Don 't be a dick to her, Dazai, ' warns Chuuya. He points the Febreeze at him threateningly.

'I am always perfectly nice to Elise, ' protests Dazai, raising a hand to his chest innocently. 'You 're the one she 's obsessed with. '

'She 's not obsessed with me, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes. 'She likes me because I treat her like an actual person instead of Mori 's spawn. '

Dazai is spared from replying when a familiar voice calls out, 'Chuuya! '

Chuuya is hit with the weight of a person barreling into him. He barely stops them from falling over. He laughs and hugs Elise back, ruffling her hair a bit as he lets go. She 's dressed in a light pink dress with a matching bow holding up some of her hair in a half-ponytail.

'Hey there, kiddo, ' says Chuuya, smiling as she tries to fix her hair with a pout. 'Long time no see. '

'I 've been begging Mori to come let me see a show for ages and ages, ' says Elise, practically bouncing in excitement. 'I finally convinced him to let me go to this one after threatening to not speak to him for three months if he didn 't. '

Chuuya laughs, shaking his head. She 's a little girl, but she has the CEO of Port Mafia Records wrapped around her little finger. 'Nice one. '

'We 're thrilled to have you, ' says Dazai from his spot on the couch. He smiles at Elise too, though it 's more of a smirk.

'Oh, hi Dazai, ' says Elise, just noticing him for the first time. She doesn 't move to hug him, settling for a wave, which Dazai returns flippantly.

'Are you growing out your hair? ' Elise asks Chuuya, turning back towards Chuuya and looking up at him.

Chuuya touches his bangs where they 're getting pretty long. 'Maybe. I hadn 't really thought about it. '

'It 'd look cool, ' says Elise confidently. Chuuya wonders how often anyone contradicts her. 'When do you guys go on? '

'Soon, ' says Dazai, moving forward to grab Chuuya 's wrist and drag him away. 'We have to go get ready now. But we 'll see you after. '

'Okay, ' calls out Elise to them as they go. 'Good luck! '

They meet a panicked looking Hirotsu on their way. Dazai points behind them. 'She 's in there. ' The older man nods gratefully and fast walks towards the observation room.

Chuuya doesn 't get a chance to scold Dazai for being an ass, they 're too busy prepping for the show. It goes off without a hitch for the most part, regardless of all the stress and commotion. Chuuya even forgets that she 's there, losing himself in the music and the crowd.

It 's only when it 's all over that he remembers, coming out of his dressing room to see her talking to Hirotsu. She 's still brimming with energy despite the late hour. Chuuya walks up to them, trying to fight off his own exhaustion.

'So what 'd you think? ' asks Chuuya when he reaches them.

'You were amazing! ' gushes Elise immediately. 'I was just telling Ryuuro how much fun I had. I wish I could stay for another concert, but Mori 's making me fly back in the morning. '

Chuuya has never heard a single person called Hirotsu Ryuurou before. He covers a snort. 'Well, I 'm glad you liked it. We can play for you again when we get back to L.A. in September. '

'My favorite song was

Corruption

, ' says Elise, leaning forward like it 's a secret. Chuuya feels an odd mix of pride and discomfort, even though hoards of people have been saying that to him for almost seven months now. 'I wish I could play the piano like that. '

'Should we get going to the hotel, Elise? ' asks Hirotsu, kindly but commanding.

Elise 's face falls completely. 'Oh, okay, ' she says, voice losing all the excitement it just had.

The sight of it makes something in Chuuya 's heart pang. He abandons his plans of going back to the hotel to sleep. 'I can take her back to the hotel, Hirotsu. '

'Really? ' asks Hirotsu, looking slightly grateful at the offer

'Really? ' asks Elise, looking ten times as grateful.

'You said you wanted to be able to play

Corruption

, ' says Chuuya, leading her back to the stage, nodding to Hirotsu as they go. 'We 've got a piano right here. '

'I 'll be able to play the piano solo? ' asks Elise, doubt clear in her voice.

'Let 's start with the first verse, ' says Chuuya, laughing a bit.

He spends a good couple hours watching Elise plunk her way through the same chords over and over again, albeit very enthusiastically. He doesn 't feel too bad about it though when he finally gets back to the hotel and she thanks him, squeezing him in a tight hug again.

'Thanks so much, Chuuya, ' says Elise when she finally lets him go. 'I 'll practice more when I get home. '

'Don 't get in too much trouble, ' says Chuuya as a goodbye, ruffling her hair again.

Elise doesn 't even seem to mind this time. 'No promises, ' she declares brightly, going to meet the assistant who 's staying in the room with her.

'How heartwarming, ' says Dazai sarcastically, appearing behind him. Chuuya hasn 't seen him since after the show, he 's surprised he 's here in the lobby instead of in their room. He usually isn 't one to pick a crowded space over seclusion, especially after a show.

'What 's with you? ' asks Chuuya, noting how agitated he seems.

'Nothing, ' drawls Dazai, walking towards the elevator without waiting for Chuuya to follow him. Chuuya rushes to catch up with him. Dazai doesn 't speak as they ride up to their floor, but he 's clearly pissed about something.

Chuuya waits until they 're in their room to ask. 'What 's wrong? ' Chuuya slumps on the bed, realizing sleep probably isn 't coming soon from the pinched look on Dazai 's face.

'I already said it was nothing, ' says Dazai, not even bothering to lie convincingly. He leans against the TV stand, pulling out his phone and starting to type on it.

'Look, I 'm fucking exhausted, ' says Chuuya, trying not to get annoyed. 'Can you just tell me why you 're pissed so we can deal with it? '

'How many times do you need me to say it 's nothing? ' asks Dazai, voice sharper this time. He puts down the phone, setting in on the TV stand roughly.

'Enough times so you stop fucking lying, ' says Chuuya, losing the battle against annoyance completely. 'Did something happen after the show? '

'Nothing happened after the show, ' says Dazai, tone mocking. 'Except your little piano session with Elise. You could have let me know you weren 't going back to the hotel right away. '

'I didn 't ask you to wait for me, ' says Chuuya, but Dazai wouldn 't be this angry about Chuuya making him wait. He hasn 't seen him this genuinely furious in months. 'I 'll keep asking until you answer. What is wrong? ' He stresses each word.

'I just think it 's funny how you trip all over yourself to make Mori happy like a well-trained dog, ' says Dazai, smirking at him darkly.

'Are you fucking kidding me? ' asks Chuuya, now getting pissed himself. 'Did you want me to be rude to the fucking

child

in some twisted show of support in your vendetta against our boss? '

'You didn 't have to be rude, ' says Dazai shortly. 'But you certainly didn 't have to spend hours playing the song you claim to despise with her. '

'I have

never

said I despised

Corruption

, ' says Chuuya, standing up from the bed and raising his voice slightly. 'And I didn 't do that

for

Mori, I did it for Elise. I remember what it 's like to be a kid who doesn 't have a lot of friends. And even if I

had

done it for Mori, it would have been my choice. I 'm not going to pretend to hate Mori

for

you. ' Chuuya is definitely shouting by the end.

'Can 't you see he 's manipulating you every single time he talks to you? ' asks Dazai, not raising his voice at all, laughing bitterly.

'I 'm not stupid, ' snaps Chuuya. 'And I 'm not going to apologize for getting along with our boss. Most people would consider that a good thing. Just because you have your pointless fucking feud or whatever doesn 't mean I have to have any part of it."

'Pointless? ' Dazai repeats, now yelling too. 'He 's the reason why-, ' starts Dazai harshly before cutting himself off abruptly.

'The reason why what? ' demands Chuuya, not in the mood for Dazai 's evasive bullshit right now.

'Nothing. ' Dazai goes back to a normal voice level, tone infuriatingly dismissive, looking away and crossing his arms. 'Forget it. '

'Fuck off, ' says Chuuya, absolutely outraged. He storms into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

He takes a shower, still thrumming with anger the entire time. When he enters the bedroom again Dazai isn 't there anymore. It does nothing to calm him down. He gets ready for bed and lays down in the dark, but he 's wide awake.

He 's not sure how long he lies there before he hears the sound to the adjoining room open and shut. There 's movement on the other side of the bed, but Chuuya doesn 't move or speak to acknowledge it.

'I don 't really want to be here right now, ' says Dazai, voice tight.

'I don 't really want you to be here right now, ' replies Chuuya, still not turning over to face him. Neither of them say anything else for a couple minutes.

'I don 't think you 're stupid, ' says Dazai eventually.

Chuuya doesn 't answer, just continues to lay there in silence.

'Are you really going to make me say it? ' asks Dazai after it 's clear Chuuya isn 't going to say anything. His voice is much quieter now.

'Say what? ' asks Chuuya into his pillow.

'That I 'm worried about you, ' says Dazai, barely audible.

Chuuya turns over to face him, struck by the distress in his expression. But still. 'I can take care of myself. You 're supposed to trust me. '

'I do, ' says Dazai, looking him right in the eye. 'It 's him I don 't trust. He breaks people, Chuuya. It 's what he does. '

'I 've had a lot of experience knowing how to tell when someone is a threat to me or not, ' says Chuuya, because he trusts Dazai too but he 'd meant what he said. He 's not going to pretend to feel animosity towards someone he doesn 't dislike just to make Dazai feel better.

'Okay, ' says Dazai softly, even though it isn 't really. But Chuuya doesn 't resist when Dazai scoots over to wrap an arm around him, pulling himself closer. He ends up completely pressed up against Chuuya, head tucked into his neck.

It 's hard for Chuuya to stay mad at him like this, and he puts an arm around Dazai too, resting his hand against the back of Dazai 's neck. But the uneasiness in his stomach never fades completely, even though he 's able to fall asleep.

MidSeptember, Seven and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya hadn 't exactly been ready for the tour to be over, but he can 't deny how amazing it feels to be back in L.A. The ocean air hits him like the sweetest welcome home. He half wants to go straight to the beach right from the plane. But Mori had set up some sort of debrief meeting with them for right when they got back a couple weeks ago. Chuuya had thought it would have been nice to have been given time to at least stop at his dorm first but doesn 't complain. You didn 't meet with the boss of your schedule, you met with him on his.

Walking into the PMR building is kind of surreal. Practically everyone they pass stops to congratulate them on the success of the album and the tour, still selling massively many months later.

Corruption

gets as much air play now as it did back in February. There 's been a couple whispers of Grammy nominations circulating.

Chuuya would probably chat with people a lot longer if Dazai wasn 't with him and hurrying him along. He doesn 't say much more than a simple thanks if he says anything at all. He 's been in a strange mood all day, but Chuuya just put it down to all the mixed emotions of being done with tour. Chuuya had felt strangely disappointed at the end of the last show, bummed that he wouldn 't get to experience anything like it for a while.

They eventually get on the elevator and up to the top floor to go see Mori. Chuuya raps on the door when they reach it, and Mori calls for them to enter.

No matter how many times Chuuya walks into the office it never fails to impress him a bit. The view out the huge glass windows facing the ocean never gets old. Chuuya takes it in as they move forward to stand in front of Mori 's desk.

Mori gestures for them to take a seat in the chairs in front of the desk. Chuuya thinks this is the first time he 's gone to see him where he hadn 't been working on anything else when he walked in. Maybe this is what it 's like to really have the boss 's attention on you.

'First of all, ' says Mori, ever present cheerful tone and smile present, 'I wanted to congratulate both of you on the immense success of Double Black and the tour."

'Thanks, Boss, ' says Chuuya, smiling back.

'How kind of you, ' says Dazai, voice dripping in insincerity. Chuuya has to resist the urge to stomp on his foot. Couldn 't they go a fucking minute before they started sniping at each other?

'Next I wanted to discuss future plans for the both of you, ' says Mori, dropping the cheerfulness for a more serious expression. 'While the two of you have made a formidable pair, I think it 's best to put some distance between you now, professionally. '

'What? ' asks Chuuya before he can stop himself. Because seriously,

what?

He turns to look at Dazai, but he 's still looking at Mori. His expression is completely calm, only looking slightly annoyed if anything.

'It 's a business move, Chuuya, ' says Mori, drawing his eyes back to him. He looks apologetic, but it doesn 't feel sincere. 'When artists have a debut album as big as you two have, the follow up almost never does as well. '

'You said almost never, ' says Chuuya, latching onto the word like a lifeline. He wants to kick Dazai for not saying anything. Does he seriously not care? Is he seriously going to just let this happen? 'We could be the exception. '

'It 's unlikely, ' says Dazai. The words hit Chuuya like a blow to the gut. He can 't hide the betrayed look from his face. Dazai continues on without reacting, voice devastatingly neutral. 'And when it has been done, there 's usually a long break in between the first album and the second, to build the anticipation for the next one. '

'Exactly, Dazai, ' says Mori. It figures the one time the two agree on something it 's this. 'I 'm not saying we should hang up Double Black permanently. Of course not. But we need to give you both a bit of breathing room, to grow in your own rights. But when the time is right, we 'll put you back together. '

Chuuya catches on to what the meeting is really about then. He feels like a fool for not seeing it sooner. 'What were your plans for us in the meantime? '

'For you, Chuuya, there 's a new band I think you 'd be a perfect fit for as lead guitar, ' says Mori, changing subjects seamlessly, as if it 's a simple matter open and shut. 'More of a rock sound compared to what you 've currently been doing. Motojiro Kajii is singing, and your friend Tachihara is going to be the drummer. I 'm putting Hirotsu in charge of the project. We 're still looking for a bass player. The name of the group is The Black Lizards. '

It 's almost more than he can take in at once. He isn 't going to be singing anymore? Not that he minded being out of the spotlight, he 'd been fine with it back with The Sheep. It 's more the shock (and that he 's going to be doing it all

without Dazai

). He doesn 't know what the fuck to say, but Mori doesn 't seem to expect a response.

'As for Dazai, ' continues Mori, smiling a little too widely at Dazai, 'You 'll be taking Takuboku Ishikawa 's recently open position as the newest executive of Port Mafia Records. '

Chuuya has to cover up the gasp that he almost lets out. He hadn 't heard anything about Ishikawa stepping down, not even from Kouyou.

Part of him wants to protest that he 's only

seventeen,

but he remembers him promoting Kouyou at barely a couple years older. He remembers

I 've always cared more about results than age.

It doesn 't make it any easier to swallow. Dazai is now technically

his superior.

'What a thrill, ' says Dazai, smirking a little, and Chuuya is horrified to see it 's not all fake. 'I 'm excited to see all the things my new position will hold. '

'Your new office has already been cleared out. You can move the stuff from your old one at your leisure, ' says Mori, passing Dazai a keycard to the executive suite of the building that Chuuya has never been in.

Chuuya sits in his chair, almost numb to his surroundings, still trying to process everything that 's happened. He looks up when Mori says his name again.

'You can take a couple days to settle in before starting working with The Black Lizards, ' says Mori, which normally Chuuya would appreciate as a uniquely kind offer from the man, but he doesn 't think he would settle into these new changes if he had months. 'Elise is also ecstatic you 're back. She 's been going on and on about showing you how much better she 's gotten at the piano. '

'I 'll come see her soon, ' promises Chuuya, standing up instead of waiting to be dismissed like he usually would. 'I won 't take up anymore of your time then. '

'Welcome back, Chuuya, ' says Mori, flashing another smile at him. Chuuya manages to give one back, before turning and walking out of the office in tightly controlled steps. He doesn 't look at Dazai at all as he goes.

He thinks he 's left him behind, but Dazai catches the elevator just as it 's about to close. He seems a bit out of breath, looking at Chuuya with his classic blank expression. Chuuya looks away to stare at the elevator instead, crossing his arms.

Dazai hits the button for the floor of his office (or old office, Chuuya corrects darkly), and seems surprised when Chuuya hits the button for the bottom floor. He doesn 't say anything though. Chuuya thinks he 's letting him leave but when Dazai gets off he grabs his wrist and drags him with him, ignoring his protests.

Chuuya pulls out of his grip but gives up and walks alongside Dazai toward 's his office, feeling like a live wire, that a single touch or word will cause him to explode. Dazai enters the office and Chuuya follows, shutting the door with enough force that it slams.

Chuuya locks the door behind him, turning to face Dazai. He 's sitting on the top of his desk, arms crossed and watching Chuuya, expectant. The familiar tapestry hanging behind him and the waiting package sitting on the desk fuel Chuuya 's fury even more, like they 're symbols of everything they 'd just been stripped of.

Chuuya has been angry at him many times in the couple years he 's known him, but he 's never been this outraged. 'What the fuck was that in there? ' he demands, practically spitting the words.

'My promotion? ' asks Dazai, his voice so unaffected Chuuya could smash something. 'I didn 't ask for it, chibi. '

'I meant you not even saying a word about him splitting us up, ' says Chuuya angrily, stalking forward so he 's standing in front of him, glaring at him.

'Mori had already made up his mind, ' says Dazai with a shrug. 'It didn 't make sense to argue. '

'So you 're seriously just fine with this? ' asks Chuuya. He 'd thought he was already as furious as he could get, but it 's only getting worse with every calm and composed word out of Dazai 's mouth.

'He said it was a break, not permanent, ' says Dazai, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward so he 's eye to eye with Chuuya. 'Don 't be so dramatic. '

'Can you just be fucking honest with me for once in our god damn lives? ' shouts Chuuya, losing all attempts to keep his emotions under control. He laughs, bitterly and a little manically. 'I 'm an idiot. You obviously don 't even give a shit. Kouyou was right. ' He thinks of how Dazai hadn 't ever stopped working on other projects throughout the tour, his pleased expression when he 'd been named an executive. He jabs a finger at Dazai in accusation. 'You 'll go off and record music with someone else, this was just a stepping stone for your career. '

That seems to finally strip Dazai of his seeming indifference. He jumps off the desk, pushing Chuuya 's hand away forcefully. He grips the collar of Chuuya 's shirt, using it to pull him forward so that their faces are just inches apart. 'I 'm not going to record music with anyone else, ' says Dazai vehemently, voice more forceful and intense than Chuuya has ever heard it.

'Like you 'll have a choice, ' says Chuuya, tone slightly broken. Dazai 's outburst had broken through his anger, replacing it with a bitter and aching hollowness.

'Mori can 't make me do anything, ' says Dazai earnestly. His dark eyes are filled with conviction, as if that will convince him. 'I 'm not going to record music without you. It 's not happening. '

Chuuya doesn 't respond, just shaking his head slightly. He looks down at the ground instead of at him.

'Nothing 's going to change, ' whispers Dazai.

Chuuya doesn 't believe him. Everything is going to change. Dazai has become such an integral part of his life, and now he was being ripped away. It 'll be just like Kouyou last year, just like with The Sheep. Why can 't he hold onto the people he cares about the most (

nothing will escape you

, and it 's much louder than a whisper this time)?

There isn 't anything he can say, he just tries to make the most of this last moment together.

He can 't do this again, not with Dazai. He 'd barely made it though the other times. But this time, things will be different. This time he won 't allow himself to be left behind.