January 25th, Seven Years Since the Release of Corruption

@osamuuudazai 1s ago

Happy #CorruptionDay everyone! I can 't believe it 's been seven years. I 'm so grateful for all of the support everyone has given us.

Dazai scowls as he posts the update to his social media pages, the stupid three sentences he 'd agonized over for weeks.

Sometimes, he wishes he could back and tell his fifteen year old self to just sign Shirase instead. They would have cranked a couple albums out of him then dropped him, and Dazai would had never have to juggle all of these emotions.

Shouldn 't there be some sort of expiration date on feelings like these? He 'd gone four years without speaking to Chuuya,

four years

. Longer than they had ever worked together. He 'd only been in the same room as Chuuya two days this year, and those interactions have managed to practically consume his entire life.

'There. I posted it, ' says Dazai, pouting from his spot on the ADA 's couch in their break room.

'Let me refresh the feed, ' says Atsushi, sitting in one of the chairs across from him. He pulls out his phone and taps on the screen.

'What, don 't you trust me, Atsushi? ' asks Dazai, holding a hand up to his chest dramatically in offense.

'When it comes to this, not at all, ' replies Atsushi flatly. Dazai is somewhat touched that he knows him so well. Atsushi looks up once he sees the posts are there. 'You were telling the truth. '

'Why the long face? ' asks Dazai, curious about his prot 'g 'e 's gloomy expression. Atsushi had a tendency to get kind of mopey from time to time, but he doesn 't get why he 'd be upset about this.

'Oh, it 's nothing, ' says Atsushi, waving a hand dismissively.

'If you 're going to lie, Atsushi, ' advises Dazai, 'At least try to sound a little convincing. '

'It 's silly, ' protests Atsushi.

Dazai raises an eyebrow, conveying silently

when has that ever stopped anybody in this office from doing anything?

Atsushi sighs, giving in. 'When I was back at the orphanage, ' he says, looking out the window instead of at Dazai,

'I used to love Double Black. I listened to

Corruption

all the time, it made me feel like I wasn 't alone. You guys inspired me. '

Dazai has heard that from many artists before, but it 's never hit quite like it does this time. Atsushi 's sincerity makes it ache a little rather than annoying him.

'I know this is L.A, and it 's naive to think that people don 't put on acts and pretend to like each other, ' continues Atsushi, meeting Dazai 's eyes now. 'But it still makes me a little sad that the duo I looked up to so much hate each other, and hate one of the songs that made me want to be a singer. '

That makes Dazai feel more than a little guilty. He 'd made the comment about

Corruption

meaning something to people primarily to mess with Chuuya, but that didn 't mean it wasn 't true. Dazai often forgets what the song is without all his own feelings attached to it, mostly because he doesn 't like to examine them too closely. Sometimes he also wishes he could go back and warn his sixteen year old self all the trouble that one song would cause in his life.

Dazai sighs. He supposes he owes Atsushi some honesty. This was being part of making music that could help people. Plus he can 't stand it when the kid is down, it 's like looking at a crying puppy.

'Chuuya is the most gifted singer I 've ever met, ' says Dazai plainly, using his more serious tone that he usually has no need for at the ADA.

Atsushi blinks at him in shock. 'But you always say that-, ' he starts to say before Dazai cuts him off.

'From the time I met him when I was fifteen, I 've never heard a more impressive voice, ' says Dazai, the words coming easily despite how much Dazai usually avoids them. '

Corruption

is him at his best. The song is objectively incredible. It 's hauntingly beautiful. The first time he played it for me I was practically speechless. '

'But subjectively, ' says Dazai, voice going cold now, '

Corruption

is the song that made the person I played music with feel inhuman and self-destructive, so I despise it. '

Atsushi 's face flickers through a bunch of different emotions, eventually settling on a combination of shock and sympathy. 'Oh. '

'But you shouldn 't be sad, ' says Dazai, flipping back to his usual voice. 'I 'm glad

Corruption

was able to help you in a dark time in your life. One of the versatilities of music is how it affects all of us differently. '

'That 's a good point, Dazai, ' says Atsushi with a small smile, loyal as ever. The boy has an annoying habit of always trying to see the good in Dazai (Dazai likes it a lot more than he should.)

'Right, ' declares Dazai, standing up quickly and giving Atsushi a huge smile back. 'Now let 's stop dilly dallying and get back to the recording studio. Albums don 't record themselves! '

Atsushi sighs a little under his breath, but resists the urge to point out the Dazai had been the to force them to take this break by dragging Atsushi here and whining about how much he didn 't want to do the dumb posts.

Dazai turns his phone on silent so he doesn 't have to see any notifications from said post. He 's done his duty, and he 's determined to make the rest of the day pass with as little to do with

Corruption

as possible.

Mid-October, Eight and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

'Merchandise numbers are up in the Northeast, ' says Ace, continuing his incredibly boring report on sales that has been going on for over ten minutes now. His voice always carries a hint of smugness in it, as if he 's personally responsible for the success, even though he has no musical talent whatsoever. 'We 're still a few weeks out from the holiday spike though. '

Alan Bennett, or Ace as he obnoxiously goes by, had risen to his position as a Port Mafia Records executive through business connections alone. He had been in finance before Mori had brought him on shortly after he 'd taken over as CEO. The Bennetts are extremely wealthy, and Ace had risen to the top of the finance sector through a series of backhanded exchanges of favors and debts that made even Mori look respectable in comparison. He 'd earned himself the moniker The Jewel King, which he obviously loved and encouraged people to use.

Ace dresses possibly more lavishly than any other Port Mafia Records employee Dazai has ever seen. He wears his wealth as unsubtly as possible, with an expensive suit and flashy adornments. His light blonde hair hangs around his face in a style Dazai guesses is supposed to be fashionable but really just makes him have to constantly flick it out of his face.

Dazai had never had the displeasure of meeting Ace before becoming an executive himself. He 'd immediately taken a disliking to him. His self-satisfied aura is nauseating. Not to mention that he isn 't particularly bright. He can 't tell how Mori is simply coddling him to take advantage of him.

Dazai hates Mori, has for years, but Mori is at least competent at his job. He holds a certain respect for him, the way you respect Satan or shinigami. What they do is terrible, but they do it so masterfully that you have to admire it somewhat.

Ace, on the other hand, is like a low-level demon who doesn 't realize how far down on the food chain he actually is. That and he never

shuts up.

They 're in the conference room located in the executive suite of the building. It 's large for a meeting between only five people, but Mori has never strayed away from the ostentatious. At least the extravagant armchairs they 're sitting in are comfortable.

This is the second executive meeting Dazai has attended, though it is the first one where all the executives are present. Mokutaro Kinoshita is sitting in the previously empty seat, now back from his trip overseas. Dazai isn 't sure what he thinks of him yet. He 's remained quiet for the most part, not that he 's been asked to speak much. His face has remained neutral throughout the proceedings, though there is the slightest hint of impatience Dazai catches the longer Ace goes on.

In contrast to Ace, Kinoshita is dressed in a simple black suit, high-end but nothing eye-catching. He doesn 't stand out much in general. He has dark eyes and hair, his face slightly serious. He isn 't bad looking for someone his age. Dazai is having trouble getting a good read on the man though, which is slightly irritating.

Kouyou had told him Kinoshita was an old acquaintance of Mori 's from medical school. After going through the horror of picturing what Mori would be like as a medical professional, Dazai had tried to find out more about Kinoshita. He 'd graduated from medical school in Tokyo, but had given up on his practice to work for Mori. Dazai is slightly puzzled by the career change, but he isn 't keen to ask the man about it.

There are no formal roles for executives, but they 've all settled into their own domains without it being declared. Ace oversees the business related functions of PMR, like sales and shipping. Kouyou had taken over the more delicate work of handling the relationships PMR holds with other companies in and out of the music business. Kinoshita spends most of his time outside of America and is involved in extending PMR 's reach internationally. He 'd just returned from a trip to Germany, and supposably speaks an impressive amount of languages. Mori, of course, is in charge of new artist recruitment and the overall direction of the company. He makes it look infuriatingly easy.

That leaves Dazai with the position he 's stepped into over the past month, spearheading the marketing department. He 's still involved in music production, but now he spends just as much time looking at album covers or refining PR strategies. He 's still not exactly sure what had happened to his predecessor, other than the rumors that he 'd had a falling out with Mori (not that he really cares all that much). But he 'd jumped in where Ishikawa had left out surprisingly easily.

It 's odd how much Dazai doesn 't hate his new job. He 'd mostly expected to, but he finds that he gets a certain satisfaction when all the chess pieces line up as he wants them to, a certain spark of triumph when things go perfectly. He 'd gotten the most entertainment sorting out the bits and pieces of music, and this is somewhat similar to that. He 's still tweaking songs, he 's just adjusting them even beyond the notes.

He 's always been observant, and over time he 's found how to use those observations to his advantage. Mori had taken that skill and helped him develop it (not that he would ever credit him with it). Now Dazai is taking it farther, finding new ways to get people to think the way he needs them to.

You 're good at marketing because it 's lying,

Chuuya says with a scoff in his head, as Dazai recalls the other boy 's opinion on his new work. It pulls him out of his musings sharply.

The sound of his voice is, as always, both a very welcome and incredibly unwelcome intrusion. He can 't afford to spend time in an executive meeting thinking about it, so he readjusts and starts listening to Ace again.

'We 're getting a bit of flack recently from the dock workers about our shipments, but they 're easy enough to redirect elsewhere, ' says Ace, looking to Mori with a slight smirk.

Dazai meets eyes with Kouyou, and for a moment they share a subtle look of shared annoyance. That 's been another interesting development of his new position, he now interacts with Kouyou Ozaki more than he ever did before. It 's not to say that they 've warmed up to each other exactly, but she 's certainly the fellow executive that he dislikes the least. They agree on how useless Ace is if nothing else.

'Excellent report, ' says Mori, giving Ace the praise he 'd been clearly seeking. The lie flows from his lips as easily as they always do. 'I have a couple ideas I 'm juggling with on a long-term solution for that problem, but for now keep on as you have been. '

'Will do, Sir, ' says Ace, leaning back in his chair in a more relaxed position. At least he finally seems to be done talking.

'Kinoshita, ' says Mori, turning to the man. His face changes from his fake look of approval into something that might even be slightly genuine (and that definitely warranted further follow up). 'We 're thrilled to have you back among us. Was your time in Europe productive? '

'In some ways, ' answers Kinoshita, his expression neutral. Dazai is even more annoyed he still can 't get a read on the man. 'I still think a more permanent office somewhere out there could be beneficial for us. '

'I 've had that thought as well, ' says Mori, tipping his head in acknowledgment. 'It 's more of a manpower issue than anything, plus picking a location. All of those countries just have so many

rules

to navigate. '

Kinoshita nods, leaning forward slightly. 'Although everyone everywhere I go still only wants to talk about one thing, Double Black. Interest in an international tour only grows. '

Kinoshita turns to look at Dazai as he speaks, and Dazai smiles brightly instead of showing how his words have made something clench tightly in his chest. But Ace speaks up before Dazai can.

'Album sales haven 't dropped either, ' he says, though he seems less happy about it than the other numbers he 'd reported. '

Corruption

sales in particular seem to be trending upward rather than tapering off. '

'Good word of mouth, ' comments Kouyou lightly, smiling at Ace with just a hint of warning. Although the defense isn 't for his sake, Dazai still appreciates it.

'People are very interested in what is next for Double Black, ' says Kinoshita, who still hasn 't stopped looking at Dazai. Dazai is tempted to throw his shoe at him.

'That does leave us with a situation, ' says Mori, propping one elbow on the table to lean his head against his hand, drumming his fingers lightly against the table with the other.

'I had an idea about that, ' cuts in Dazai.

In adversity there is opportunity,

as Mori used to say to him. He speaks the words confidently, not showing any reaction to the fact that they 're all sitting around discussing him.

'Let 's hear it then, ' says Mori, smile taking on a mocking edge that may or may not be visible to the others.

'We should start leaking rumors that Double Black has split up, ' says Dazai, keeping his tone completely neutral. 'It 'll give us an even bigger spike in sales, people love a good scandal. Then it 'll make the announcement of Chuuya playing with The Black Lizards even bigger news. Kill two birds with one stone. ' He doesn 't falter in his delivery, even if Chuuya 's name feels like sandpaper in his throat.

'What should we say caused the split? ' asks Mori innocently, and screw Kinoshita if anyone deserves to be hit with his shoe, it 's Mori. Repeatedly.

'Creative differences, ' says Dazai easily, smirking at Mori. He sees Kouyou flinch a bit out of the corner of his eye.

Mori smiles back, amused and approving of the plan all at once. 'A sound strategy, Dazai. I 'd expect nothing less from our newest executive. '

'I still don 't get the logic behind dissolving our most lucrative act, ' says Kinoshita, frowning at the two of them.

Dazai almost laughs out loud. Mori and Kinoshita must have quite the relationship for the other man to feel comfortable questioning Mori 's decisions so openly. But he keeps his shock and intrigue to himself. Kouyou is also eying the man carefully. Even Ace seems a little wary of the slight tension in the room.

'It 's a hit in the short-term for a much larger payoff later on, ' says Mori, just a touch condescending in the explanation. His smile is hovering somewhere between polite and violent.

'A surrender of one battle to win the war, ' says Dazai, echoing Mori 's tone and facial expression perfectly.

'Well put, Dazai, ' says Mori. Dazai hates how much Mori 's approval makes him feel satisfied, but the slight frown on Kinoshita 's face makes it more palatable. 'Anyway, we 're not giving up on Double Black permanently. There will be a time and place for the next album. For now, we 've got other artists to develop. '

Kinoshita nods, apparently satisfied with the explanation. Dazai, on the other hand, is fighting off a reaction to the previously unknown information Mori had just revealed, however subtly it had been done. Dazai 's not even sure if Mori 's aware of it. It wouldn 't look right for Dazai to appear satisfied now though, so he leans into the discomfort he feels at being made to discuss Double Black (and it 's not that hard of an act to pull off).

'We 'll give a little bit of time for the news of the split to circulate then start promoting The Black Lizard 's debut album without confirming or denying the split, ' says Mori, shifting from his lighter persona to his giving orders one (Dazai prefers this one even if it 's unsettling to most.) 'People love a mystery almost as much as a scandal, so we 'll make it both. The Black Lizards are set to release their album early next year. '

'I was under the impression they were still missing a bass guitarist, ' says Kouyou, careful to phrase it as non-confrontationally as possible. Her expression is perfectly neutral as well.

'They are, but I 'm not worried about it, ' says Mori confidently. 'There 's always an abundance of rhythm musicians in this city. We 'll scrounge one up quickly I 'm sure. The writing for the album is coming together when Kajii and Chuuya can stop trying to rip each other 's heads off long enough to make progress. ' Mori sounds amused rather than annoyed at the conflict. 'I have to check with Hirotsu, but I feel they 'll be ready to start recording by the end of next month. '

Dazai does not react to Mori 's words. He keeps his face politely interested, his body language holds no sign of tension (he might be digging his nails into his fists underneath the table, but no one can see that.)

'That 's good news, ' says Kouyou lightly. 'I was afraid they 'd start smashing instruments if they were cooped up in that practice room any longer. '

Mori grins at the joke slightly before flipping back to his tone for business. 'There are a couple of other projects that will have releases soon. Kotaro Takamura is putting the finishing touches on Chieko 's Sky, which I 'm certain is going to do quite well. It has some rather sentimental bits, but there 's some substance and depth in the rest that offsets it. Naoya Shiga 's A Dark Night 's Passing is set for release in the next couple weeks. A rather grim tone, but it should have its market. '

Dazai doesn 't bother holding back an eye roll. He 's listened to both of the albums and weighed in on some of the editing. He actually agrees with Mori 's opinion on Takamura 's, a full album dedicated to one person is a bit of a stretch, but it manages to pull it off with a couple more impressive songs. Shiga 's album on the other hand is so blatantly trying to be edgy that Dazai finds it unbearable. He knows it 'll sell, but he 'd rather not listen to it ever again.

'The only other important update is that we 've recently signed a new artist named Yumeno Kyusaku, ' says Mori. 'They 're young yet, but their voice is astounding. They 've chosen Q as a stage name. '

'They 're also only eight, ' says Kouyou, making her disapproval clear. She always has been rather touchy about artists releasing music when they 're under eighteen.

'I 'm not expecting them to release anything immediately, ' says Mori, smiling slightly. 'But age has no effect on talent, and we would be foolish not to take advantage of this new asset. '

Kouyou looks ready to add something else but a phone going off stops her. It 's Mori 's of course, no one else would be stupid enough to leave their volume on during an executive meeting (except maybe Ace). Mori pulls it out and quickly skims the notification with a slight frown.

'I 'm afraid I 'm going to have to cut this short, ' announces Mori as he types something into the phone quickly. His voice is light and airy again. 'But I think we covered all of the major bases. I 'll email you all with any further updates. '

Dazai is slightly interested in whatever Mori 's phone had told him, but he 's even more interested in getting the hell out of there as quickly as possible. This meeting has drained him of almost of all his energy, as long interactions with Mori usually did. He makes his way towards the exit as casually as possible, so as to not look like he 's trying to escape. Mori calls out to him just as he reaches the door though.

'Dazai, ' says Mori. His cheerful tone and smile are back in full force. 'Can you let Chuuya know about the approach to the Double Black split? ' The words sound so innocuous, so unlike the direct stab to the gut that the are. 'If you see him, of course, ' adds Mori, twisting the knife.

'Sure thing, Boss, ' says Dazai easily, giving Mori a matching smile. 'If I see him. '

Dazai doesn 't slam the door as he walks out, but it 's a near thing. The only thing that stops him is that he doesn 't want to give Mori the satisfaction. He lets the scowl he 's been holding back out as he walks from the meeting room to his office.

Mori 's taunt causes as much damage as it does because there is a distinct chance that Dazai

won 't

see him.

Despite Chuuya 's initial reaction to being put with The Black Lizards (that Dazai does not think about every day, multiple times a day), the next day it had been like a switch had been flipped. He had jumped straight into the project without any hesitation, giving the band all of his attention and dedication. He 'd enthusiastically picked up the guitar again, and started listening to hours and hours of rock music to 'get in the right head space. '

Dazai keeps reminding himself this is a good thing. If Chuuya had resisted his assignment, it would have been bad.

I think it would be best if there were a little more distance between you two professionally,

repeats Mori in his head, always lingering over the last word a little (though that 's probably Dazai projecting).

Chuuya also seems to not hold anything against Mori for his part in splitting up Double Black. The two are chummier than ever, especially now that Chuuya gives Elise piano lessons frequently. He sometimes sees them around the office, and Chuuya looks completely at ease talking with their boss.

Dazai has to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something. He still remembers the blowout fight they 'd had on tour about Mori. He 's not looking for a repeat. He 'd gotten so outraged he 'd almost blurted out,

he 's the reason you and I can 't be anything

. He 'd narrowly avoided that disaster.

If it weren 't for Mori, Dazai wouldn 't have to hide how he feels. Dazai had created a rule for himself very early on in his career at Port Mafia Records, after seeing Mori ruthlessly take down his own employees for his own gain, never show something you desire in front of Mori. That 's how Mori got you, he found out what you wanted most and then dangled it in front of you to get you to do what he needed.

Before leaving for tour, Dazai had thought he could get a hold of his feelings, control his fledgling attraction and put it behind him as a simple adolescent daydream.

After tour, he no longer holds such delusions. Spending every day with Chuuya, sharing a stage (and more) with him, Chuuya being devastatingly honest with him no matter what it cost him, there had been no way to come through that unscathed. One of the worst aftereffects is how Dazai now feels strange waking up in his apartment alone, colder without the presence of Chuuya beside him.

The specific moment when he had realized he was doomed is mortifying both because of how it happened and how early into the tour it was. It had been after a show in Phoenix, a little over a week after they 'd left L.A. Dazai had finished showering and was lying on a couch in his dressing room when Chuuya had burst in, talking about the show in his usual post-concert adrenaline rush and waving a water bottle in his hand as he talked.

Dazai had been debating between asking where Chuuya got the water or manipulating Chuuya into giving him some of it, shows always left him slightly dehydrated. Then he 'd been caught off guard when the water bottle smacked into his forehead.

'Got you a water, ' Chuuya had said, laughing both at landing the hit and his clearly bewildered expression.

Got you a water,

that 's what felled him. Chuuya, practically glowing with excitement after a show and getting Dazai what he 'd wanted before he 'd even known it, and effortlessly too. Dazai had given some snarky reply about slugs that he doesn 't remember, but on the inside he had been reeling, thinking

oh fuck

.

Dazai unfortunately hasn 't been able to lie to himself that Chuuya doesn 't feel something back ever since his seventeenth birthday when Chuuya had declared how much he cared with the earnestness of a song that torments Dazai to this very day. It had been possibly the best and worst day of his life. Chuuya had given him a gift that still brings a smile to his face whenever he thinks about it. But afterwards when he 'd dragged Chuuya into that storage closet he hadn 't been able to stop his gaze from slipping downward from Chuuya 's eyes, he 'd barely held back from pulling him in and ruining everything in the heat of the moment. He 'd almost thrown everything away in a burst of desperation because of how badly he 'd wanted it. Thank god Chuuya had been the smart one for once and left the enclosed space before things went any further.

But while his heart is the most useless organ in his body, his brain picks up the slack. He 's been careful not to end up in any other situations like that again. There are so few things in his life he actually cares to keep, and he will not let this one break due to recklessness.

Of course, that had been more of a problem when he actually saw Chuuya regularly. Ever since getting back from tour and his new promotion he 's seen Chuuya only sporadically. After the way Chuuya had protested to them being separated so adamantly, Dazai had been caught off guard when Chuuya had abruptly pulled away in the following weeks.

Not that Chuuya is avoiding him exactly, he does have a lot on his plate. The Black Lizards is full of explosive personalities and constant conflict. Chuuya and Motojiro Kajii do not get along, to put it mildly. Chuuya generally refers to him as 'that Lemon Fucker ' and when Dazai does see him it always involves a long rant about the other man.

(Dazai would think it were hilarious if he didn 't want to murder Kajii for getting to write and play music with Chuuya and not even appreciating it.)

Dazai has never worked with Kajii personally, but he 's heard the stories about how eccentric he is. He 's a talented musician, but he 's also a hotheaded maniac. He holds the record for the most damaged instruments at PMR, and Dazai isn 't sure how many of those had been accidents and how many had been on purpose.

Chuuya and Kajii 's main issue comes down to how different their approaches to music are. Chuuya had burst into Dazai 's office after one of their first practices together and immediately started complaining about it.

'He thinks I 'm 'too soft ' to be in his rock band, ' Chuuya had said furiously. He had paced back and forth in front of Dazai 's desk and waved his hands angrily. 'Can you fucking believe that? Me? Too

soft

? I bet he 's never even been in an actual fight. '

It had only escalated from there. The band spent as much time arguing as they did actually writing music, possibly even more. Chuuya and Kajii couldn 't seem to agree on anything, and Tachihara has a temper as well, so screaming matches between the three of them weren 't out of the ordinary. Dazai 's pretty sure they would have killed each other if it weren 't for Hirotsu steering them with his cold resolve (although Dazai has never seen the man more stressed out.)

Dazai had offered to do something about it in the beginning, but Chuuya had shut him down swiftly and forcefully.

'Don 't touch my band, mackerel, ' he 's said, tone leaving no room for argument, finger pointed at him in warning.

Dazai had felt a strange twinge of uneasiness at the command, but he 'd followed it. Chuuya is just going along with what Mori had told them to do, what Dazai had agreed with, putting distance between them. It still feels wrong not to be involved in the music Chuuya is writing though.

Apparently this order even extended to marketing because when Dazai had weighed in on a color scheme for a potential album cover Chuuya had replied to the email (that hadn 't even been addressed to him)

STAY OUT OF MY BAND ASSHOLE.

So now Dazai doesn 't touch anything having to do with The Black Lizards.

Even back before they 'd worked together (although that seems much longer than over a year ago) Dazai had still seen Chuuya around the office or broken into his apartment at night. Now that he 's up in the executive suite he 's nowhere near where Chuuya is practicing with The Black Lizards, and he simply doesn 't have the time to laze around in Chuuya 's dorm like he used to. Dazai barely has a minute to himself most days, being an executive is more work than he 'd realized it would be.

It 's slightly infuriating. He 's never had to

ask

Chuuya where he is going to be before. He 'd always known, and it had always been expected that they 'd eventually end up in the same place. Now if he wants to talk to him to tell him what 's going on before Mori beats him to it he 's going to have to rearrange his entire schedule for the day (the thought makes him a lot less annoyed than it should).

Dazai is calculating which of his meetings he 's least interested in as he opens the door to his office. It 's another one of the things he doesn 't hate about his new position. The executive suite is only accessible by those who have permission, so he doesn 't have to worry about being bothered by anyone. It gives him the chance to actually be productive.

That 's why the sight of someone already in his office catches him off guard. It takes him a moment to even notice the other person lounging in one of the cheap lawn chairs near the windows (that Dazai keeps for the express purpose of people's reactions to them compared to the rest of the upscale office).

'Oh, hey, ' says Chuuya brightly. He looks surprised to see him (despite the fact that this is

his

office.)

Dazai has always been rather captivated by Chuuya 's singing, but now even just his normal speaking voice is starting to affect him (he 's becoming horrendously pathetic). It takes him a split second to recover, to roll his eyes and stroll over to Chuuya like the sight and sound of him hasn 't made all the negative feelings he 'd been carrying from the unbearable meeting he 's just suffered through evaporate instantly.

Dazai eyes the two styrofoam containers next to Chuuya as he takes a seat in the other lawn chair. It 's more comfortable than the plush armchair he 'd just been sitting in. 'Did you get lost, chibi? This is my office, not the lunch room. '

Chuuya smirks and tosses one of the containers at him, and Dazai has to scramble to catch it before it spills all over his floor. That makes Chuuya laugh as he picks up his own container.

Dazai opens the container to check the contents. It 's from one of the food carts a couple blocks away that Chuuya likes. He used to drag Dazai there with him back when they were writing the album. Chuuya 's filled the box with Dazai 's favorites from there, glazed fruit, fried doughnuts, egg rolls. It 's food Chuuya 's always referred to as junk and a waste of money. The gesture makes Dazai clutch his plastic fork a little too tightly.

'Kouyou mentioned she almost never sees you leave your office, ' says Chuuya, sounding slightly annoyed and judgmental at the same time. 'And knowing you, I bet there 's barely any food in your apartment. ' He glares at Dazai as he digs into his own container of (much healthier) meat and vegetables.

'Usually it 's the master who has to feed the dog, ' says Dazai, smirking at Chuuya. He takes a large bite of an egg roll, more hungry than he 'd realized.

'Fuck off, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes. 'I was going to eat in here to get some peace and quiet after listening to the lemon fucker screech for hours this morning. I thought you 'd be in that executive meeting. I was going to leave that trash you call food on the desk. '

'We finished up early, ' says Dazai, even more grateful they had than earlier.

Chuuya pauses eating to give him a searching look, eyes narrowed. 'What 's wrong? '

It 's becoming rather eerie how well Chuuya can read him with barely any effort. Dazai hadn 't let a single slip of emotion into his voice or face, yet Chuuya could still tell something was off.

Dazai knows he should tell Chuuya the news right away. But he 'd naively wanted just a couple minutes of peace first, he 'd wanted to just enjoy this unexpected offering without bringing up the reasons why it 's so unexpected. He lets go of that want, internally sighing.

'Double Black split up due to creative differences, ' says Dazai flatly, looking Chuuya directly in the eye. 'That 's the angle we 've decided on, creates more intrigue. '

Chuuya doesn 't react in anger like he 'd guessed he would though. Instead he lets out a quick snort, a strange smile on his face. 'I 'm guessing I 'm the jilted party then? '

'What? ' asks Dazai, too surprised to hide the hint of distress in the question. He quickly readjusts so his next sentence comes out normally. 'No. It was mutual. '

Chuuya hums but changes the subject. 'What did you think of Kinoshita? People from the Southeast Asian office really like him. '

Dazai is torn between going back to the issue and being impressed how well-informed Chuuya always seems to be. Dazai has to work to keep up to date on everything going on at PMR, but information seems to just end up in Chuuya 's lap. He 's stupidly well liked by everyone he meets.

'He 's interesting, ' answers Dazai. He would rather enjoy Chuuya 's presence than start a fight in the little time they are together. 'Very quiet. I 'm not sure how someone goes from being a doctor to being a record company executive. '

'Maybe he discovered the therapeutic value of music, ' says Chuuya sarcastically.

It 's a terrible joke, and Dazai is very glad no one else can see how widely he 's smiling at it.

He doesn 't tell Chuuya the most interesting thing about Kinoshita is that he 'd unknowingly gotten Mori to disclose the details Dazai had been missing. After over a month of searching, he finally knows what it 'll take for Mori to allow him and Chuuya to work together again. Port Mafia Records needs a new breakout act before returning to the old one.

Dazai puts it to the back of his mind for the rest of their impromptu lunch. But eventually Chuuya gets dragged back to writing with The Black Lizards, muttering curses under his breath as he goes. The air in the room feels staler after he 's left.

Dazai has something to focus on to take the edge off though. He 's not going to sit back and wait for Mori to develop his next successful artist, that could take years. Dazai had already been looking into a set of siblings for possible recruitment, but perhaps it 's time for him to step into a mentorship role.

Dazai will do whatever is necessary to make Double Black get green lit for another album, no matter how unpleasant.

Late November, Ten Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya can 't deny that Ryuunosuke Akutagawa is incredibly talented.

Chuuya 's watching the vocal training session from the back of the room, leaning against the wall near the door. Neither Akutagawa or Dazai had noticed him come in, so he 'd taken the chance to get a good listen to Port Mafia Record 's newest singer.

He had been more than a little shocked when Dazai had taken the lead training Akutagawa. But after signing him last month, Dazai had started working with the other boy himself instead of assigning him to someone else. Despite having the most insane schedule Chuuya has ever seen, Dazai somehow manages to find time to work with Akutagawa with a strange amount of dedication for someone who is usually fairly apathetic about others ' music.

Chuuya has spent more time with his older sister, Gin. She 'd taken the spot as their missing bass player in The Black Lizards.

He had texted Dazai immediately upon hearing the news,

what part of staying the fuck out of my band did you not understand?

To which Dazai had replied almost instantly,

I simply recruited a bass player for Port Mafia Records. I didn 't assign her to your little band. My hands are clean.

You 're so full of shit,

had been Chuuya 's response.

Dazai had been the one to agree to this fucking separation without any protest, so Chuuya doesn 't understand why he can 't stay out of his business. Chuuya certainly doesn 't interfere with any of his stupid marketing bullshit.

It 's hard to stay mad at Dazai about it when Gin is as skilled as she is. Chuuya has never really had any interest in the bass guitar, but he knows enough to recognize how much of a grounding presence she 's brought to their music.

Unlike her brother, Gin doesn 't speak up much. She 's more likely to sit and watch an argument silently than to get involved. Even if you asked for her opinion, she usually says she doesn 't care about the thing they 've been fighting about it.

Chuuya doesn 't really mind her, he thinks she 's ten times more tolerable than fucking Kajii. Unfortunately Tachihara doesn 't share the feeling.

Tachihara can 't stand Gin. He claims she 's trying to 'control the flow ' of the music.

'The drums lead the fucking beat, ' he 'd yelled in one of their practice sessions, almost throwing one of his drumsticks with his wild gesturing. 'Stop fucking trying to start your own rhythm! '

'Well maybe if you did a better job of leading I wouldn 't have to do it myself, ' Gin had replied lowly, dark eyes showing anger instead of her usual nonchalance.

So now Tachihara is just as likely to storm out of the room as Chuuya and Kajii are (Gin never has.)

Instead of being less productive, they 're finally starting to get close to finishing the album somehow. A lot of it had already been written by Kajii before they 'd even started. And Chuuya has had to fight him every step of the way to get him to change anything.

It 's different than arguing with Dazai about music had been. With Dazai, he 'd always felt like no matter how nasty things got or much they screamed, they were still on the same team in the end, that they had the same goal. Even when Chuuya lost an argument he 'd known that the music wasn 't going to suffer for it.

That 's not how it feels like with The Black Lizards. Chuuya gets that it 's a different genre than he 's used to writing, but that doesn 't mean he doesn 't know what he 's talking about.

He 's

the one with a bestselling album. But Kajii is one of the first people at PMR who has looked down at Chuuya and treats him like some bratty kid.

Not to mention how many times Chuuya has tried to describe something or written something for the group and they just don 't

fucking get it

. He 's never been as frustrated as when he can 't put into words what he 's talking about. It 's music, he doesn 't know how to explain it.

That had never been a problem with Dazai. It makes the fact that they 're saying

creative differences

is the 'cause ' of their split hilarious in a twisted kind of way. It 's better to laugh about it than to break something over it at least.

But Chuuya can 't change what 's happened, so he tries to focus on what 's in front of him. Just because he hates Kajii doesn 't mean he necessarily doesn 't enjoy playing with The Black Lizards. Chuuya has spent most of his time these past months trying to get reacquainted with playing the guitar after he 'd mostly focused on the piano the last couple years. It 's been a challenge, and Chuuya has always loved a good challenge.

He tries to keep busy when he 's not at PMR. He and Tachihara have become closer than they used to be, even outside of the band. Tachihara keeps trying to get him to come out with the group of musicians he 's been hanging out with since they got back from tour, but Chuuya keeps shutting him down. He either feels too drained or too pissed off at the end of their sessions when Tachihara asks him, and he knows he wouldn 't be very good company.

He 's been giving Elise piano lessons. She spends a lot of their sessions talking his ear off instead of actually playing. It 's kind of endearing though. She 's a sharp kid. He catches up with Mori when he drops by to check on Elise 's progress, and they talk about music and PMR business. It had been a little hard the first couple times he 'd seen him after he got shoved into The Black Lizards, but Chuuya has let pretty much all of his resentment go. He knows Mori had just done what he had thought was best for PMR. Chuuya can 't hold that against him.

Chuuya spends a lot of time listening to music. He 's listened to more rock music since September than he probably has in his entire life. Chuuya actually really likes the majority of it, but he can 't help but feel a little caged in by it. He used to be able to write whatever came to him without any regard to the genre. Kouyou had made that comment that it was helping him to grow as a songwriter. Chuuya had just given her a deeply unimpressed look.

He tries to avoid writing things that wouldn 't fit the band, but there 's an ever-growing pile of lyrics and melodies he has stuffed into a drawer in his dorm (okay, so they 're all written for a duo, but Chuuya can 't control what his fucking mind comes up with.)

Lately he 's been listening to a bunch of French music in addition to all the rock. Arthur had sent it to him. He 'd already liked Victor Hugo, but he 'd never really listened to Marcel Proust or Emile Zola before. He finds himself humming

Love Is A Reciprocal Torture

and

J 'Accuse

throughout the day. But he doesn 't feel like he 's going to truly appreciate it unless he understands the language more, so he 's picked up a couple of books on how to speak French that he 's trying to muddle his way through.

His relationship with Arthur Rimbaud is complicated. After Arthur had reached out in May on a day Chuuya tries not to dwell on too much, Chuuya has gradually let go of the anger he 'd held onto from their initial meeting. It had started out with simple texts here and there, usually just about music and nothing straying into anything personal. They had still been pretty infrequent when they 'd gotten back from tour.

Then one day after a truly enraging and useless session with The Black Lizards, Arthur had sent him a text while Chuuya was still at the height of his anger and Chuuya had hit the call button before thinking about it too hard. Arthur had answered, and before he could say anything Chuuya had launched into a rant about the entire experience.

Arthur had listened without comment until Chuuya was done complaining. Then he 'd simply said in his deep and serious voice, 'It sounds like that Kajii fellow has a couple screws loose. '

Chuuya had paused, then had burst out in laughter. It had taken him a minute to get a hold of himself again. Arthur had stayed quiet while he did. Chuuya had thanked him after catching his breath, and they 'd ended the call shortly after.

But from then on he 's found himself talking to Arthur more and more. It 's nice to have someone impartial to be able to talk to without any competing interests or agendas. Arthur doesn 't do much more than listen, but his steady presence on the other end of the phone has been one of the only things keeping him sane.

Hirotsu also attempts to keep him from getting arrested for murder, although he tries not to play favorites (but while the others aren 't looking he always gives Chuuya subtle looks that convey that he 's on his side). Kouyou helps too when she has the time. She 's still as busy as ever though. Chuuya ambushes her into having tea with him when he can.

Honestly, everything he does is pretty much all just bullshit to distract himself from how much he wishes Dazai was there.

Chuuya loathes every second of it, but he 's been keeping his distance from Dazai. It 's frustrating being the orchestrator of his own misery, but it 's hardly the hardest thing he 's ever had to suffer through (it 's fairly high up on the list though.)

But Chuuya knows how to follow orders, and he 'd taken Mori 's to heart. He wanted distance between Double Black, he 'd get his fucking distance. Chuuya figures the fastest way to get back to playing with Dazai is by going along with what Mori wants.

The whole thing actually makes him think back to what the asshole Count said,

People are going to be watching you if you 're on stage or off. You are always performing.

Chuuya is kind of cheating though and allows himself to see Dazai once in a while when their schedules miraculously align and he doesn 't think anyone else will be around. He 's also started leaving food for the dumbass in his office because despite being a musical genius he seems to have no concept of basic self-care.

Chuuya 's only spent a handful of moments with Dazai in the couple months since they got back from tour (sixty eight days, it 's been sixty eight days), but those short and pointless encounters have been the only times Chuuya has felt truly at ease.

(If Chuuya had thought for a second that being apart from Dazai would change how he feels about him, he would have been viciously and humiliatingly wrong.)

Even if Chuuya had been seeking Dazai out as much as he wanted to, Dazai is obnoxiously busy. Dazai 's life is a constant stream of meetings and phone calls and not nearly enough actual music in Chuuya 's opinion.

Although that 's changed slightly since Ryuunosuke 's entered the picture. Chuuya 's actually bending his own rules by crashing this vocal training session, but he 'd left during the middle of today 's practice with The Black Lizards so dissatisfied and restless that he hadn 't been able to help himself when he 'd passed by this practice room and heard the sound of Dazai 's voice coming from inside.

Plus he can admit he 's insanely curious to hear what Ryuunosuke Akutagawa sounds like. Despite only being at PMR for a month, he 's already garnered quite the reputation. From what Chuuya 's heard, he 's got a unique voice and unique personality, a rather caustic one that hasn 't made him very popular.

From the short time he 's been observing Dazai and Akutagawa, he can confirm both the rumors are true. Dazai has the other boy practicing using

Golden Demon

, which is a complicated song even for those who have been singing professionally for years. It 's not what Chuuya would have picked for a rookie. He has to admire Akutagawa for giving it his all.

But Akutagawa 's bratty temperament and excuses keep Chuuya from being too impressed.

'You 're not hitting the notes right, ' says Dazai for the third time since Chuuya has entered the room. 'It 's

Everyone says that it 's a smart match

, ' sings Dazai, voice so clear and smooth Chuuya clenches his fists a little. 'Not

Everyone says that it 's a smart match. '

He sings the same line again with slightly different inflections.

'Those sound exactly the same, ' says Akutagawa, scowling and crossing his arms.

'They really don 't, ' says Dazai, impatience clear in his voice. He rubs his eyes with his hand and sighs. 'Get some water, ' he directs Akutagawa. 'Hopefully the break will help you to become less incompetent. '

Akutagawa doesn 't reply but his scowl deepens. He walks away from the microphone to the water cooler in the room, coughing slightly. It 's not the first time he 's coughed since Chuuya has been watching, although it never seemed to happen while he's singing.

Chuuya takes the opportunity to leave his spot to approach Dazai from behind. Dazai has taken a seat in one of the chairs in the room and is flipping through a sheet of papers and making tiny notes on them, so he doesn 't see Chuuya coming.

'Should we be worried about all that coughing? ' asks Chuuya once he reaches him, leaning against the back of the chair. He smiles down at Dazai from his position above him.

Dazai 's expression as he turns is annoyed, but then his eyes widen when he realizes who he is. He 's caught off guard enough that Chuuya can catch how pleased Dazai is before he can school his expression into an annoyed one again. Chuuya 's smile only grows, that reaction had made this whole thing worth it.

'It 's not something we can do anything about, ' says Dazai, turning his body to the side so he can face Chuuya. 'He saw a doctor right after we signed him, and they said it was an aftereffect from living somewhere with mold for so long and that it should go away on its own. It hasn 't affected his singing at all. '

'He 's a real piece of work, ' says Chuuya lowly enough that only Dazai can hear him.

Dazai laughs (and that sound is better than most music). 'His unfortunate personality doesn 't matter to me as long as he can sing. '

'I 'm not sure his voice has matured enough even if you train him extensively, ' says Chuuya, voicing what 'd he 'd been thinking as he listened. While PMR had a good track record of working with younger artists, not everyone 's voice had finished developing by age fifteen. 'He might need some more time before it reaches its peak richness. '

Dazai 's expression changes into a more genuinely annoyed one. 'If I 'm not allowed to touch The Black Lizards, you don 't get to tell me how to run my projects. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes but doesn 't argue. Dazai does have a point. If he wants to waste his time, that 's his decision.

Chuuya stops leaning against the chair and is torn between lingering or going back to the practice he 'd ditched. The longer he waits the more pissed Hirotsu is likely to get. But he could probably squeeze out a few more minutes.

'I think Akutagawa is a lot more tolerable than Motojiro Kajii anyway, ' says Dazai, voice and expression innocent, but there 's a gleam of mischief in his eyes that brings a smile to Chuuya 's face despite himself.

There are a lot of things he could say to Dazai.

I hate Kajii for a lot of reasons, but the thing I hate the most about him is that he 's not you

is one.

I 'm trying to learn French to distract myself from how much I can 't stand not seeing you

is another. If he were being truly honest he could say

I would rather sing

Corruption

every day if it meant we could go back to the way things were.

Luckily his phones buzzes and keeps him from saying anything too stupid. He pulls it out to check it, already frowning before he even reads it.

[1:16pm Hirotsu]: Stop throwing a temper tantrum and get back here.

It 's the fourth time since he 'd left that Hirotsu had texted him, which means the old man has probably reached the end of his patience. Chuuya sighs and shoves his phone back into his pocket. He should really get back.

'I didn 't mean you have to leave, ' says Dazai, noticing his shift in body language. Dazai keeps his tone casual, but Chuuya can hear how much he truly means it.

'I have to, ' says Chuuya, giving Dazai a look that makes it clear how much he would rather stay. 'I ditched practice and Hirotsu 'll lecture me to death if I don 't go back. '

'Oh, ' says Dazai blankly. He slips into his fake cheerful smile and voice. 'Have a good practice then. Try not to kill your bandmates! '

Chuuya ruffles Dazai 's hair in revenge until Dazai pushes his hand away roughly. 'Get out of here and keep your slug germs to yourself, ' he whines.

'Later, mackerel, ' calls out Chuuya as he leaves, looking back long enough to catch the slight raise of Dazai 's lips before he leaves the rooms.

Chuuya 's own smile slips off his face the closer he gets to where said bandmates he 's not allowed to kill are waiting for him. He flings the door open when he reaches it, the smack it makes against the wall makes him feel a tiny bit better.

No one has moved much from the positions they had been in when Chuuya left. Usually bands at PMR use whatever practice rooms are available depending on scheduling, but after they 'd dented the walls several times they had become the sole users of this one.

Tachihara is sitting behind his drum set, doing something on his phone. He 's put headphones on to drown out the rest of the room. Gin is in the corner, strumming lightly on the bass guitar she 'd brought with her when she came to PMR. Its black exterior is old and falling apart, but she 'd refused to play a different one. Her guitar isn 't plugged in, so she 's the only one who can hear the light notes she 's playing.

Hirotsu looks up when he walks in the room, his cold gaze showing what he thinks of Chuuya 's absence. It makes Chuuya feel slightly guilty, but not enough to regret taking a break.

'The prodigal son returns, ' says Kajii sarcastically, lounging on the one couch in the room. His mocking smile makes Chuuya want to knock his teeth in. 'Hurray. '

'Shut up, ' says Chuuya flatly. He nods to Hirotsu as he walks across the room to pick up his guitar where he 'd left it on the floor. It doesn 't appear to be damaged at all, and Chuuya is relieved he doesn 't have to get a new one again.

Kajii stands up and makes his way over the the microphone. 'Now that Baby Red is here, let 's see if we can get through an entire fucking song without him spazzing out. '

Chuuya gives him the finger as he slips under his guitar strap with the other hand. Gin also gets back into place, face as impassive as ever. Tachihara sighs under his breath as he puts his phone away and picks up his sticks.

Hirotsu gives Chuuya another warning look as he takes a seat on the couch Kajii vacated and pulls out his laptop to start working on something.

'Alright, losers, ' says Kajii, adjusting his microphone. 'How about we play

Lemon Bomb

again and try not to butcher it this time? '

Chuuya has to bite his tongue to stop himself from snapping back. But he holds his temper in check and waits for Tachihara to strike his sticks to set the beat.

Chuuya strums along to the opening of the song, not deviating from the notes Kajii insists on this time (even though Chuuya thinks his version adds more nuance to the sound but what the fuck ever.) The song has a classic rock feel to it, and the drums and guitars build as Kajii starts the first verse.

An impenetrable curse lays heavy on my heart

How shall I describe my feelings of disgust?

Call it uneasiness, call it ill humors

It 's a crushing weight from which I can 't adjust

Even though Chuuya knows he 's a better singer than Kajii, he can 't deny the Kajii 's deeper and less polished delivery is a way better fit here.

'But I 've found the solution,

' croons Kajii. '

I 've found salvation. It 's a tiny yellow miracle, t

hat will take this darkness and bring it to ruination. '

The music gets more chaotic and louder as they get to the chorus. Chuuya can 't help the slight spike of adrenaline he gets as they play, Kajii belting out the lyrics now. Tachihara strikes the drums enthusiastically while Gin keeps playing the unwavering bass line. Chuuya plays at the pace they set, way more in sync now than they 'd been earlier today.

So light it all up, blow it all away

Curses can 't kill you as your body fades to gray

The only thing we 'll leave is corpses to embalm

Blast it sky high with the Lemon Bomb

'The Lemon Bomb, '

repeats Kajii, drawing out the last word, his voice resounding skillfully.

They 're ready to launch into the second verse when Hirotsu cuts them off, standing up in the front of the room and holding up a hand to get their attention. Tachihara is the only one who doesn 't notice and keeps playing, the drums echoing loudly in the room without the other instruments.

'Hey, moron, ' says Gin, raising her voice over the sound. 'Did you not notice you 're the only one still playing? '

Tachihara pauses with his drumsticks still in midair. He looks up and notices everyone watching him, his face flushing with embarrassment and anger. 'Shut up, freak. It 's called getting lost in the music. '

Gin rolls her eyes but stays quiet, turning her attention back to Hirotsu.

'Sorry to interrupt, ' says the old man, though he doesn 't sound very sorry. 'But I just got some news from Mori. We 're set to start recording next week. '

'We 're not even done writing, ' protests Chuuya right away, not getting the boss 's logic in rushing them. The others seem equally confused.

'Mori feels that we 're close enough, ' says Hirotsu, shrugging slightly. 'And that giving us a deadline will force us to stop dawdling and infighting. '

Chuuya scowls at that, clenching the neck of his guitar tighter. Nobody argues with the statement though.

'There 's more, ' announces Hirotsu, and this time he seems more apprehensive. 'Mori 's scheduled us for release in early February next year. ' Hirotsu pauses for a moment, almost seeming to force his next words out. 'And to promote the album, he 's putting together a tour also beginning in February. '

'You have got to be fucking kidding me, ' says Chuuya before he can help himself. Kajii bursts out in laughter next to him, clutching the microphone stand to hold himself up.

Gin and Tachihara don 't seem to know what to think, but they exchange wary glances that Chuuya catches out of the corner of his eye.

'It 's no joke, ' says Hirotsu, tone slightly strained. 'So we don 't have time for any more delays or outbursts, not if we want to be ready by then. '

'You hear that, Baby Red? ' asks Kajii, still chuckling. 'We don 't have time for any more of your diva meltdowns. '

Chuuya could point out that Kajii had been the one to storm out of the room just as fucking often as he had, but he 's still too shocked about the news that they 're going on tour. Knowing Mori they 'd be gone at least six months.

Chuuya had never even considered the possibility of touring without Dazai before, and it isn 't a concept he finds remotely appealing.

Hirotsu seems to take pity on them, noticing their less than enthusiastic reactions. 'We 'll call it a day for now and start fresh in the morning. '

'Thanks, gramps, ' says Tachihara, obviously trying to cut some of the tension in the room. He stashes his sticks in the holder and pulls out his phone again.

Hirotsu nods in acknowledgment then goes back to looking at his laptop, typing quickly. He 's

probably trying to find a way to manage this shit show somehow.

Kajii makes for the door without any hesitation, calling out as he leaves, 'Later, munchkins. ' He 's clearly the only one who 's ecstatic about the news.

Chuuya resists the urge to yell something nasty back. He thinks it 's funny that Kajii is two years older than Kouyou but so much less mature. Jesus fucking Christ he 's going to have to spend every day for

six months

with him. He can 't even begin to start wrapping his head around the idea.

'He 's a prick, but he does know music, ' says Tachihara, walking around the drums to come stand next to him. 'Your version was more complex, but that 's not necessarily what we 're going for here. '

'Could we not talk about the Lemon Fucker for like five fucking minutes? ' asks Chuuya irritably. He pulls off his guitar strap and sets the instrument down in its holder. Just because Tachihara 's right doesn 't mean it 's any easier for Chuuya to swallow.

'You should come out with us tonight, ' says Tachihara, not put off by Chuuya 's anger. 'Me and the Bront 's, Jane, and Charlie are getting drinks. It 'd be a good way to blow off some steam. '

Normally this would be the part where Chuuya would make some excuse to ditch, but today the idea of tour still has him rattled enough that he 's considering it. It 's not like he had anything better to do in his dorm besides sulk over this new turn of events.

'Sure, ' says Chuuya with a sigh. Tachihara 's face immediately lights up. 'Gin, you want to come? ' Tachihara 's happiness turns to a glare but Chuuya doesn 't mind him.

'No, ' says Gin shortly, putting her bass into a case carefully instead of leaving it out. She leaves the room without another word, only nodding to Hirotsu as she goes.

'Oh no, ' says Tachihara sarcastically. 'What a shame. She 's such a joy to be around. '

Chuuya snorts and makes to leave the room too, Tachihara trailing behind him.

Hirotsu looks up from his computer as they 're passing. 'Chuuya, I need you to come in early tomorrow. We have things we need to discuss. '

'Fine, ' says Chuuya, trying to keep how annoyed he is out of his voice. It figures that Kajii is the asshole but he 's the one who 's going to end up getting the lecture. 'I 'll see you then, geezer. '

'Use some judgement while you 're out, ' says Hirotsu as a farewell, going back to his work.

Tachihara calls out a goodbye and the man raises a hand as they exit the room, walking towards the building 's exit together.

'You know, ' says Tachihara, 'No one else gets away with talking to him like that. '

'You call him gramps all the time, ' points out Chuuya.

'Yeah, and he does not like it, ' says Tachihara, laughing a little. 'He doesn 't mind it when you talk back. '

'Whatever, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes.

'You 're in a real mood, ' observes Tachihara. 'You shouldn 't let Kajii get to you so easily. '

'Like you 're one to talk, ' shoots back Chuuya. 'You and Gin are always at each other 's throats. '

'She starts it, ' says Tachihara, scowling and holding up a hand in protest. 'I mean, I try to cut her some slack because I know she 's a street kid, but she 's just so freaking arrogant. She 's a decent bass player, I 'll give her that, but it takes more than skill to be part of a band. '

Chuuya 's not sure arrogant is a word he 'd use to describe Gin. She never acts like she 's better than anyone else, she just points out when Tachihara is doing something wrong. But that 's not the part of what Tachihara had said that he 's stuck on. 'What do you mean she 's a street kid? '

'It 's pretty obvious that her and her brother weren 't in the best situation before they got signed, ' says Tachihara, looking surprised Chuuya hadn 't known this. 'Then there 's the shitty guitar she 's so attached to, her fidgetiness around so many new people, the fact that she dresses like that. '

Gin did tend to dress rather uniquely. She always ties her hair up in a spiky bun, letting a few strands hang in her face. Her clothes are usually dark and long, covering up most of her skin. Chuuya had just thought that was her style.

'Huh, ' he says, frowning at his own self-centeredness. Gin had been just like him and he 'd been so melodramatic about his own problems he hadn 't even noticed.

'Don 't beat yourself up about it, ' says Tachihara, catching onto his guilty expression. 'She 'd gut you if you ever brought it up to her. She 's not looking for sympathy. '

'I 've been a little preoccupied lately, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. They reach the door to the building and walk out, pausing in front of the entrance before they go their separate ways.

Tachihara snorts. 'Yeah, I know. I 'm shocked you 're finally pulling your head out of your ass to come have fun later. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes but smiles a bit. Then his smile fades as he says, 'I can 't believe we 're going on tour so soon. '

'It 's really not that surprising, ' says Tachihara, though he 's not smiling either.

'I thought they 'd hold off a bit, ' says Chuuya, frowning at the logic behind the choice. 'I was under the impression the rushed Double Black tour was out of the ordinary. '

'It was, ' says Tachihara slowly, narrowing his eyes. 'But that 's why they 're rushing this one too, because of you. '

'What? ' asks Chuuya, crossing his arms. 'I didn 't do anything. '

'I know, ' says Tachihara, rolling his eyes. 'But everyone is still obsessed with Double Black, so it makes sense for us to capitalize on that interest by touring as soon as we can. '

'Oh, ' says Chuuya, feeling stupid for not seeing it sooner.

'Stop fucking pouting, ' says Tachihara, shoving him slightly. 'Sure, Kajii and Gin will be there, but we 'll still have a blast. You love touring. '

Chuuya

did

love touring. He really did owe it to the band to stop being such a fucking brat if it 's his fault they 're doing this.

'Yeah, yeah, ' says Chuuya, waving a hand dismissively. 'I 'll see you later. Text me the details. '

'Later, Baby Red, ' says Tachihara with a smirk as he turns to go.

Chuuya flips him off with both hands as he walks towards his dorm. Tachihara laughs as he walks towards his own apartment.

Any happiness Chuuya slips away as soon as he 's alone though. His third tour he 's been a part of in three years, but he 's not looking forward to this one like he had the others.

December, Ten and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

It 's strange how Dazai is getting such a thrill out of something that had once been part of his daily routine, but he can 't stop the feeling he gets as he breaks into Chuuya 's third floor dorm. Dazai hasn 't even been here since they got back from tour, it feels like coming home more than going to his own apartment has these past few months.

Dazai has to struggle to open the door without dropping the things he 'd holding, but he manages it without spilling too much. He licks the ice cream that has flowed off onto his hands as he slams the door behind him.

The sound echos in the tiny dorm. Dazai knows Chuuya is home, he 'd checked his phone 's GPS before he 'd left the office (if Chuuya gets to have Kouyou spy on Dazai, it 's only fair that Dazai gets to track his phone.)

It 's like walking into a memory. Very little has changed, Chuuya 's stuff is still all over the place. It brings an automatic smile to Dazai 's face. There are a couple of new additions though. There 's a bottle of wine sitting out on Chuuya 's counter, and a couple of books on French of all things catch Dazai 's eye.

He 's kept from examining them further when Chuuya appears in the hallway, ready to yell at whoever has broken into his dorm. It 's clear from the look on his face he hadn 't been expecting it to be Dazai.

Dazai would say something mocking him if he wasn 't as thrown off by Chuuya 's appearance. He 's wearing a pair of red leather pants and a black tank top that clings to his body, his hair hanging loosely around his face in slight curls under his signature hat. His black choker still hangs around his neck. Dazai had been prepared for the sight of him in a suit or his ratty lounging clothes, he hadn 't been prepared for this.

'What are you doing here? ' asks Chuuya, his shocked expression shifting to a happier one, though he still looks slightly awestruck.

'What are you wearing? ' asks Dazai before he can help himself, still looking Chuuya up and down.

Chuuya 's flush feels like a fire under Dazai 's skin. 'I was going to meet up with Mich and his friends. '

'Mich? ' repeats Dazai, feeling all of his pleasant feelings disappear. He supposes he should have considered the possibility that Chuuya would be busy before he 'd come over here. He 'd just read the alert and decided it was the best excuse he was ever going to get to come see Chuuya and taken advantage of it before his brain could come up with any reasons not to.

'Michizou. Tachihara, ' clarifies Chuuya, looking at the ice cream he 's holding, a huge grin taking over his face. 'Is that from that shithole down by the beach? '

'I know chibi has refined tastes, ' says Dazai, trying to hide how awkward he feels. He offers the chocolate one to Chuuya more stiffly than he 'd like to. 'I didn 't know you had plans. '

'That 's because you didn 't ask, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes and coming to grab the ice cream cone. He hovers closer than is necessary after taking it. 'What are you doing here? ' The question is still slightly incredulous.

Dazai sighs and takes a large lick of his own cone. 'It 's obvious you haven 't seen the announcement yet. '

'What announcement? ' asks Chuuya, licking his cone while frowning at Dazai in confusion.

'The Grammy nominations got released today, ' says Dazai, keeping his tone neutral.

Chuuya pauses with his cone tilted to take a bite, his eyes widening. 'Double Black got a nomination? '

'

A

nomination? ' repeats Dazai mockingly. 'We got five. The album is up for Album of the Year,

Corruption

is up for Song of the Year and Record of the Year, and Double Black is up for Artist of the Year and Best Pop Duo. '

It takes Chuuya a moment to take the news in, he blinks a few times rapidly. Then his face breaks out in one of the widest smiles Dazai has ever seen on him. 'No fucking way. ' Chuuya closes the small space between them to wrap his arms around Dazai in a bone-crushing hug.

Dazai squeezes back, laughing as much as he can while Chuuya is suffocating him. 'You 're getting ice cream in your hair. '

'Shut up, ' says Chuuya, laughing too as he pulls away. His smile hasn 't dimmed at all (it 's quite possibly the most excruciatingly glorious sight Dazai has ever seen.)

'Five nominations, seriously? ' asks Chuuya, practically bouncing in excitement.

'No, I 'm lying, ' says Dazai, rolling his eyes. 'Don 't you ever check your phone? '

'I left it in the other room, ' says Chuuya, smile shifting into a smirk. 'Do you know what this means? '

'That Mori bribed the right people this year? ' asks Dazai, smirking back.

Chuuya hits him with his hand that 's not holding his ice cream, though he 's forgotten about the cone based on how it 's dripping down his hand. '

It

means

that we 're going to be performing together at the award show, asshole. '

Dazai actually hadn 't realized that. It takes him a moment to process it. Chuuya smiles and shakes his head at him, finally licking the ice cream off his hand.

'You mean I have to share the stage with you again? ' asks Dazai, wrinkling his nose. 'Gross. '

'Oh, it 's going to be awful, ' agrees Chuuya, barely keeping the solemn tone he 's going for.

Dazai is cut off from answering by Chuuya 's phone ringing. Chuuya frowns down at it as he picks it up.

'Hello? ' says Chuuya, pausing to listen to the other person. 'Yeah, I heard. It 's crazy. '

Dazai walks away to take a closer look at the things in Chuuya 's living room. He picks up one of the French books and skims the back cover, trying to act as if he isn 't interested in Chuuya 's conversation. He puts down the book to pick through the albums Chuuya has out, they 're mostly rock. Dazai frowns a little at the selection, biting off a large chunk of his cone.

'No, I can 't come tonight anymore, ' says Chuuya into the phone. He walks into the living room to sit down in the armchair, not bothered by Dazai messing with his stuff. 'Because I 'm fucking busy, ' he says after the other person responds, tone slightly annoyed.

Chuuya loses patience after the next reply. 'We can celebrate some other time. I 've got to go. Talk to you tomorrow, ' he says brusquely, hanging up before he gets an answer.

Dazai watches Chuuya change his phone to silent then toss it onto the coffee table. Chuuya continues to eat his cone nonchalantly.

'Thought you had plans? ' asks Dazai, finishing his own cone and flopping onto the couch. It 's more comfortable than it has any right to be. He 'd spent so many nights on this stupid couch.

'Plans changed, ' says Chuuya lightly, getting to the end of his own cone. 'Some bastard broke into my apartment, I 'm stuck dealing with him. '

'Sounds terrible, ' says Dazai, smirking at Chuuya.

'It 's the worst, ' says Chuuya, smirking back.

It feels like barely any time has passed since they 'd last done this. But ever since the announcement that The Black Lizards were leaving for tour in early February (an announcement that had not made Dazai feel like he was going to throw up) Dazai had gone from seeing Chuuya sporadically to not seeing Chuuya at all the past couple weeks.

It had bothered Dazai more than he 'd expected. It certainly didn 't bode well for how Dazai was going to handle Chuuya being gone for

six months.

It 's why he 'd jumped on this opportunity to see Chuuya despite the distance they 're supposed to be maintaining.

Dazai can 't bring himself to care as he settles into his couch, looking over at Chuuya. Chuuya 's looking back, propping up his head on one hand, still the trace of a smile on his face.

'I bought a new game the other day, ' says Chuuya after a moment, offering the information casually.

'Oh? ' asks Dazai, keeping his tone just as light. 'What type of game am I beating chibi at? A racing game? A fighting game? '

'It 's a singing game, ' says Chuuya, raising his eyebrows.

'They make those? ' asks Dazai, not able to hold back a laugh.

'Get ready to get destroyed, mackerel, ' declares Chuuya, getting out of his chair to set up the game.

'And you 're going to keep wearing that? ' Dazai can 't help but ask.

'Will you shut the fuck up? ' snaps Chuuya, throwing one of the microphones at him. Dazai barely catches it before it smacks him in the face. 'I 'm going to go change. '

'I just want my dog to be comfortable, ' calls out Dazai to him as he walks towards the bedroom.

'I 'll strangle you, ' he hears Chuuya yell from the other room.

Dazai snorts and goes to examine the wine sitting out on Chuuya 's counter. He 's never seen Chuuya care much about a beverage other than tea. The bottle looks slightly expensive though, and it 's already missing some of the wine.

Dazai pulls out the cork and takes a sniff, regretting it instantly as the sharp smell invades his nose. He almost drops the bottle but manages to set it down on the counter roughly.

'Stop fucking messing with my shit, ' says Chuuya as he reenters the room and sees Dazai in the kitchen. He 's changed into much less distracting clothes, a black sweatshirt and jeans. 'That 's expensive. '

'Chuuya is becoming so fancy, ' says Dazai obnoxiously. He hates that there are so many things in here he hadn 't know Chuuya liked.

Chuuya takes the bottle and puts it away in one of the cupboards, flicking on his tea kettle. The familiar sight eases away some of the tension. 'Out, ' he commands, pointing towards the living room.

Dazai goes back to the couch, sighing dramatically. He flicks through a couple emails on his phone while he waits for Chuuya, already slightly behind after just a short away time from work. Any concern he has about it immediately goes away as Chuuya enters the room again with two mugs, one with tea and the other hot chocolate.

'Ready to get your ass kicked? ' asks Chuuya, picking up the cheap plastic microphone and giving Dazai a smile, challenge clear in his expression.

'In your dreams, slug, ' replies Dazai, picking up his own microphone, ridiculously excited to sing with Chuuya in any capacity, but just as eager to thrash Chuuya at the game.

January, Almost One Year Since The Release of Corruption

Dazai had attended a number of extravagant events with his parents back before he 'd become too complicated to be taken to such places, but the Grammys make those look like child 's play. He 's never been somewhere so over the top, in both the clothes and the decorations.

Naturally, Dazai hates it. Thankfully Mori had allowed him to skip out on the press and commotion. Dazai had arrived late and slipped in through a private entrance, immediately being directed to a room set aside for Port Mafia Records.

There is only one thing worthwhile about this entire evening, and he 's in conversation with Hirotsu as Dazai walks in. Chuuya seems slightly irritated, which makes sense seeing as he 'd had to do the full press line up alone.

With The Black Lizard 's debut album Falling Camellia coming out in less than a month, Chuuya has been thrust back into the spotlight promoting it. And since they 're supposably at odds, it looks better for Dazai not to appear with him.

Despite a tumultuous beginning, The Black Lizards had finished writing the album and were on track for finishing the final recordings and edits without any delays. Dazai thinks a lot of credit lies with Hirotsu, the old man is like a miracle worker.

Dazai doesn 't approach Chuuya right away, opting to take a seat on the only couch that no one else is sitting on. He leans an elbow against the arm of it and rests his head on his hand, watching the room around him. Dazai is slightly on edge, both anticipating and dreading the upcoming performance.

Kouyou is here too, having just arrived and avoided the madness like Dazai had. She nods at him in acknowledgement while speaking to Takamura. Elise has taken up court by the refreshments, a small crowd of PMR artists surrounding her and keeping her happy.

He 's forced out of his observations by something whacking him in the shin. Dazai rolls his eyes as he looks up at Chuuya, who 's standing in front of him and crossing his arms.

'Missed you at sound check, ' says Chuuya, conveying his annoyance very clearly. He 's wearing a suit, but it 's a step up from his usual ones. The material is a rich black and it 's fitted expertly.

Missed you every second since September

, supplies Dazai 's mind automatically. Dear god, he needs to get it fucking together. His emotions are all over the place right now.

'I got tied up, ' lies Dazai easily. 'I figured you could check the sound well enough for both of us. '

Chuuya scoffs. Dazai notices then that while they 're both in black suits, they don 't look like they 're designed to make people think they 're part of a duo. It brings a wry smile to his face, it 's a subtle message that he can 't help admire whoever came up with it.

'Well, if it isn 't Port Mafia Records ' gruesome twosome, ' says Kajii, coming up besides Chuuya. He smiles at the two of them with obvious contempt.

'Oh, the Lemon Fucker is here, ' says Chuuya, fake polite tone filled with derision. 'I assume you conned your way in here under a general PMR invitation, as there 's no chance a classless nobody like you would have been invited. '

'Always so sensitive, ' says Kajii, leaning in close to get in Chuuya 's face. 'Now, now, Baby Red. We promised to play nice, remember? '

'Fuck off, ' says Chuuya cooly, not backing down at the proximity.

'Someone 's got their diaper in a twist, ' says Kajii, cackling as he pulls away. He turns to smirk at Dazai. 'I bet you 're overjoyed you no longer have to deal with Chuu Chuu anymore. '

'Do you ever get tired of flitting around like a puerile fool? ' asks Dazai, lifting an eyebrow and making his tone as disinterested as possible. 'Or is it natural after so much practice? '

'You certainly live up to your reputation, Mr. Demon Prodigy, ' says Kajii, though some of his amusement has dimmed. He calls out to Chuuya as he walks away, 'Break a leg out there, squirt. '

'Only if it 's yours, ' replies Chuuya with an angry grin. It changes to a scowl as he turns to face Dazai.

'Charming, ' says Dazai flatly.

Chuuya sighs and some of the tension leaves his body. He leans against the arm of the couch, his body angled towards Dazai.

'Demon Prodigy? ' he asks, lips upturned slightly.

It 's a new nickname, and while Dazai has tried to ignore it, it 's catching on around PMR. He rolls his eyes. 'Watch yourself, hat rack. '

Chuuya is about to answer when a man in a headset approaches them, looking slightly nervous. 'Nakahara and Dazai? We 're ready to mic you. '

Chuuya smiles slightly and reaches out to jab Dazai in the chest with his fist. 'Let 's go show these losers what real music sounds like. '

The nostalgia of the gesture makes Dazai want to obliterate something. But he settles for giving Chuuya 's hand a quick squeeze and using it to pull himself up, almost knocking Chuuya over in the process.

'Bastard, ' declares Chuuya, but there 's a spark in his eyes that makes Dazai 's insides clench tightly.

The attendant chuckles nervously at them. 'If you 'll follow me, ' he says stiffly.

They walk behind him to a different area backstage, filled with familiar looking sound equipment. It 's hard to describe how it feels watching Chuuya adjust a microphone in his ear while twitching in anticipation. It 's a combination of having everything he 's longed for after months and being so dissatisfied at how brief it 's going to be. It hasn 't even started, and Dazai is already aching at how much he 'll crave it once it 's over.

He tries to shove that all away as they get the signal to go on. He and Chuuya walk on stage together, the Staples Center exploding in applause as they come into view. The room is full of some of the biggest singers and producers in the industry, but all Dazai can focus on is the piano as they approach it.

'Good evening, everyone, ' says Chuuya brightly as he talks a seat in front of the instrument, still facing the audience. It 's like a switch flips whenever he gets on a stage, any nerves or doubts always disappear. Chuuya slips into a presence and charisma that is impossible to resist.

'Chuuya and I are honored to have been nominated for so many awards this year, especially up against so many other great albums, ' says Dazai cheerfully. The only one who can tell how insincere he 's being is Chuuya, who has to fight off a smile.

'We had no idea back when we were writing

Corruption

what was coming next, ' says Chuuya, being honest as usual.

'Please tell me you 're not about to bore everyone to death with one of your sappy speeches, ' whines Dazai. He barely notices the laughter of the crowd, too wrapped up in how natural this all feels.

'I guess it was too much to expect for you to not be annoying for a single evening, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. He twists to face the piano, flexing his fingers. 'Fine, we 'll get to the action. '

A hush falls over the room even though Chuuya hasn 't played anything yet. That 's the power Chuuya has. Dazai feels his own heart beating faster in anticipation as he takes his place next to Chuuya, his throat a little dry.

It just had to be

Corruption

when they finally get a chance to play together again. Dazai has a lot of conflicting feelings about the song. Chuuya 's completely in his element when he plays it, and it 's something he 'll never get tired of hearing. But his own satisfaction during the song hasn 't ever been the same since Chuuya had mockingly asked him,

do you think playing Corruption is fun for me?

It 's like a double-edged sword. He can 't deny the exhilaration he gets from the song, but he 'd rather never play it if it meant he 'd never have to see Chuuya 's quiet displays of terror in the middle of the night again.

Chuuya doesn 't hesitate at all before singing the opening lines, the notes as full of vulnerability and bitterness as ever.

Oh grantors of dark disgrace

You need not wake me again

The anticipation seems to hang in the air before Chuuya starts playing the piano, striking the keys with violent precision. He 's perfected the style since he 'd played it for Dazai the first time, and the sound carries the mix of anger and sorrow of the song masterfully.

Look at this, it 's my bone,

A tip of bone torn from its flesh, filthy, filled up with woes,

It 's the days of our lives sticking out

Look at this, it 's my heart,

A blackened thing, torn out and still beating

It 's the thing humans can 't live without

Chuuya 's voice builds as sings the opening verse, leaving any trace of gentleness behind. The notes are loud and precise, as brilliant as they are slightly haunting.

You cannot escape gravity

It pulls us all down and apart

It rips away the gentlest souls

I fear I 've been ' ' '.corrupted

He drags out the last word, making it stand out with how wrong it sounds. Then he starts on the second verse, picking up the tempo and playing just a hint more frantically.

Look at this, it 's my blood

A crimson river, dark and churning

But I think it 's supposed to stay on the inside

Look at this, it 's my mind

A hollow place, a boundless prison

But its tainted nature can not be denied

You cannot escape gravity

It pulls us all down and apart

It rips away the gentlest souls

I know I 've been ' ' '.corrupted

Chuuya lengthens the last word again, letting it linger as he lets the sound of the piano completely fade away.

He lets the silence last for a moment then dives into the solo with reckless abandon. Despite how many times Dazai has heard it now, it never fails to make a shiver run down his spine. The music goes in all directions, never settling into a rhythm or flow. Dazai doesn 't know anyone else who can play like this.

He lets it go on almost a little longer than he should, the strain of Chuuya 's fingers clearly starting to reach their limit is visible when Dazai cuts off Chuuya with a single touch to his shoulder.

'What does it mean to be human? '

Dazai sings, putting his all into the notes. Chuuya matches him effortlessly, settling into the lighter and softer notes of the bridge.

'I 'll make you be human. You 're no longer human, no longer human. Wake up. '

They sing their next lines back and forth, not breaking eye contact once.

You cannot escape gravity (what does it mean to be human)

It pulls us down (I 'll make you be human) and apart

It rips away the gentlest souls (You 're no longer human, no longer human)

I think it 's time to ' 'wake up

Their voices blend together on the last line, the only notes they sing together in the whole song, a flawless combination.

Chuuya finally looks away to sing the closing to the song, shifting to a softer and cleaner style.

Oh grantors of dark disgrace

I fear I 've woken again

The stadium bursts out into applause as he finishes, but Dazai kind of feels like screaming at the top of his lungs. He has to work to fight down the feeling, but he catches the matching uneasiness in Chuuya 's eyes before he buries it and thanks the room with a smile.

Later on, he 's still on edge but mostly bored out of his mind as he pretends to watch the ceremony. Of course after their duet he and Chuuya had been separated, it wouldn 't look good for the feuding Double Black to spend time together.

He doesn 't even care that they 've won all the awards they were up for so far. What does a stupid little trophy matter if he can 't even sit next to the only person he wants to?

Dazai is debating spending the rest of the show subtly typing up notes on Akutagawa 's vocal training when he catches a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. It 's Chuuya, and he tilts his head to the side, beckoning Dazai to meet him in one of the side halls.

Dazai raises a brow, and Chuuya rolls his eyes and tilts his head more adamantly.

It makes Dazai snort under his breath. But he acts casual as he gets up from his seat and meets Chuuya in the hall, the area clear of other people.

'You want to get out of here? ' asks Chuuya. He leans against the wall and eyes Dazai with a slight smirk.

It 's not a mater of what Dazai wants (as it pretty much never is.) 'It 's the middle of the show, slug, ' he replies, not hiding how he 's more than a little annoyed at the unfeasible offer. 'We 'd be in an astronomical amount of shit if we left now. And you know why we aren 't allowed to be seen leaving together. '

'We just won five Grammys, ' says Chuuya, waving a hand dismissively. 'We deserve a break. '

Dazai raises his eyebrows, his surprise outweighing his anger. 'They 've only announced two. '

'I know a guy, ' says Chuuya flippantly. 'Plus, aren 't you supposed to be the marketing genius? Can 't you spin some story about how we got into a blowout fight and left early? '

It 'It is something Dazai could pull off. In fact, it 'd probably hype up their feud in a really advantageous way. 'That still doesn 't change that we can 't leave at the same time. '

'You 're assuming that someone is going to see us, ' says Chuuya, pulling out a set of keys and wiggling them triumphantly. 'I have my bike. '

Dazai has sworn up and down that he would never get onto Chuuya 's pink monstrosity. But the payoff had never been this high before.

Dazai rolls his eyes and starts for the parking lot without waiting for Chuuya, saying over his shoulder, 'Are you coming or what? Move those tiny legs of yours. '

Chuuya just laughs, catching up to Dazai easily and elbowing him in the ribs. He leads the way to the private parking lot reserved for the guests, almost completely empty during the middle of the program.

'Where are we going? ' asks Dazai, frowning as he puts on the helmet Chuuya hands him and climbing on the back of the motorcycle behind Chuuya. He 'd been mostly messing with Chuuya by declaring how he 'd never ride it, but he genuinely is a bit frightened of the thing.

'You 'll see, ' says Chuuya, snapping on his own helmet with ease and starting the bike. The engine rumbles beneath them. Dazai doesn 't even get to appreciate having his arms wrapped around Chuuya as he pulls out of the parking lot, doing it more out of need than desire.

Chuuya drives them away from the crowded streets, taking a back alley and heading back towards PMR. Dazai wants to repeat his question of where they 're going, but he 's not going to risk letting go or distracting Chuuya.

There isn 't much traffic as they get further away, the night slightly calm as they get closer to their destination. Honestly, Dazai should have known better.

Chuuya parks his bike in a lot next to an empty stretch of beach. Dazai forces himself to let go of Chuuya and act like he hadn 't been terrified. Based on Chuuya 's laughter he doesn 't pull it off.

Chuuya clips both their helmets to the bike and leads the way down to the beach. He takes off his expensive suit jacket and throws it down in the sand, using it as a blanket and sitting down. Dazai keeps his own coat on (he 'd never run as warm as Chuuya), but he does sit down next to him.

The moon is bright tonight, and the view of the ocean is clear. Dazai still doesn 't understand Chuuya 's dedication to it, but he 's content enough to be somewhere that makes Chuuya feel more settled. He 'd needed settling himself after the turmoil of playing

Corruption

together.

It 's still weighing on him. He can 't shake the negative thoughts and unavoidable worry. He glances over at Chuuya, wondering if he 'll see any trace of the aftereffects of the song he loathes.

'Ugh, it 's too quiet, ' says Chuuya, clearly not troubled at all. 'How can you stand to sit in silence like this? '

Dazai snorts slightly. He knows Chuuya better than anyone else, yet he can never manage to pin him down. 'It 's called relaxing. '

'It 's more relaxing if there 's music, ' argues Chuuya, laying down and rolling up his sleeves. He runs his right hand up and down in the sand.

'Sing something for us then, ' suggests Dazai, bringing his knees up and leaning his head on them, turning to the side to face Chuuya. He wrinkles his nose a little at all the sand, it 's always extremely annoying when it gets caught in his bandages.

'Like what? ' asks Chuuya, kicking off his shoes and socks and burying his feet in the sand too. He 's more relaxed than Dazai has seen him in ages, and it makes Dazai feel like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

'Anything, ' says Dazai, tone light. He means it more than Chuuya knows. He could sing anything, and it would be exactly what Dazai wanted to hear, as long as it 's Chuuya singing it.

He isn 't prepared for the song that Chuuya starts singing though, the words soft and earnest, a slow and deliberate tempo.

Oh, songs of sky and ocean

I think I know the very essence of beauty

These waves a chorus upon the shore

Oh, songs of sky and ocean

This hidden ballad that always plays

A rhythm once found that you cannot ignore

'That 's new, ' comments Dazai slowly. It 's clearly something Chuuya wrote himself, the style agonizingly familiar. He hadn 't been aware Chuuya had been writing anything that wasn 't for the band he 'd seemed so focused on.

'Just something I 've been playing around with in my head, ' says Chuuya, shrugging a little.

Dazai takes off his coat and uses it as a pillow, laying down in the sand next to Chuuya. What was the discomfort of a little sand compared to getting to be next to Chuuya anyway? 'We just won a Grammy. Don 't you ever take a break? '

'Grammys, ' corrects Chuuya smugly. Then he shifts to a more serious expression, one Dazai hasn 't seen in quite some time. 'I mean, I like playing with The Black Lizards. It 's fun. But the music isn 't really mine. ' He turns his horrendously blue eyes on Dazai. 'Don 't you ever think about it? '

'Think about what? ' asks Dazai, looking back and trying not to clench his fists at his sides.

'Our next album. ' Chuuya says that words as if they aren 't a bomb he 's setting off carelessly.

Dazai thinks about it every single day. It 's why he works as hard as he does. 'Of course, ' he says cheerfully. 'I really think we should revisit Slug and Mackerel 's Doo-Wops as a possible title. '

'I 'm being serious. ' Chuuya gives him a flat stare.

Dazai had forgotten what it 's like to be under Chuuya 's scrutiny. Chuuya demands honesty, and gives it himself so willingly (it 's one of the things Dazai admires most about him, one of the ways he knows they 're complete opposites.)

'Of course, ' says Dazai again, dropping all of the joking this time. Then adds (because if he 's already bleeding, why not go for the kill?), 'But I don 't like to do it alone. So I 'd rather wait until we can think about it together. '

'Might be waiting a while, ' says Chuuya bitterly, kicking the sand with one of his feet in obvious frustration.

'Worth it, ' says Dazai, no hesitation. Chuuya 's eyes soften at the rare offering of sincerity.

He shifts over so he 's lying with his head on Dazai 's stomach, grabbing one of Dazai 's hands and intertwining their fingers easily. Dazai doesn 't even care that Chuuya 's hand is covered in sand.

'I don 't want to go home, ' says Chuuya lowly. 'I don 't want to ruin tonight with a fucking nightmare. '

'So let 's just stay here, ' suggests Dazai, lowering his voice too, running his thumb over Chuuya 's hand in his grip gently. 'When 's the last time we pulled an all-nighter? '

It pulls a slight laugh out of Chuuya, which was its intended purpose. 'When we were writing

Shame and Toad

and couldn 't stop arguing about the second verse. '

'Ah, yes, ' says Dazai, smiling to himself. 'You almost threw the white board at me. '

'You deserved it, ' declares Chuuya, but there 's no anger behind it.

It 's quiet for a moment, and Dazai considers how to give Chuuya what he needs. He gets so few opportunities to help Chuuya these days, he has to make this one count.

'Tell me about Falling Camellia, ' says Dazai, raising his head slightly so he gets a better look at Chuuya.

'Like you don 't already know everything about it, ' says Chuuya, rolling his eyes.

'Of course, ' agrees Dazai easily. 'But I haven 't heard what

you

think of it. Walk me through it, spare no details. '

Chuuya twists his head so he can meet Dazai 's eyes. Then he lays back down and begins speaking. 'So the first song is

Lemon Bomb

, which is actually probably the best song, not that I would ever admit it to Kajii. It has more of a wild energy than the other songs. '

Dazai listens as he continues on, trying to get comfortable in the sand. He doesn 't let go of Chuuya 's hand until the sky turns pink.

February, One Year & One Week Since the Release Of Corruption

Chuuya doesn 't know what the fuck Mori had been thinking when he came up with this idea. If his goal had been for either Chuuya or Kajii to kill the other before tour started, he might get his wish. They 're currently stuck at a beach house slightly south of L.A, alone for the weekend to give them a chance to 'resolve their issues. ' The house belongs to PMR and is just as lavish as Chuuya had thought it would be (house seems like it might be the wrong word, mansion might be more accurate.)

If the order had come from Hirotsu, Chuuya would have had no problem ignoring it. But since it had come from Mori himself, Chuuya had been forced to comply. And Kajii is insufferable, but he seems to have a large amount of respect for Mori, referring to him as the admiral of the universe.

They 'd both taken the car to the house together after they 'd finished rehearsal. The Black Lizards are miraculously pretty much tour ready, with only a couple kinks here and there. They 're set to play their first show early next week. Chuuya had been planning to spend the weekend preparing for tour and weaseling his way into seeing Dazai if he could pull it off. He certainly hadn 't wanted to spend it with the Lemon Fucker.

Chuuya had gone in with a plan to ignore Kajii and just get through the weekend, but that plan had gone out the window when Kajii had started trying to piss him off right from the get go. The ensuing shouting match has only been escalating. They 're currently in the house 's huge kitchen, standing on opposite sides of the island while they argue.

'What is your problem? ' demands Chuuya, trying not to yell (and kind of failing). 'Are you incapable of being a decent fucking person? Neither of us clearly wanted to be here this weekend, but I don 't get why you have to try to make it even worse. '

'Sorry to have ruined all your special plans, ' says Kajii mockingly.

'I don 't care if you fucking like me, ' says Chuuya, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. 'But we 're going to have to fucking work together. Get over it. '

'Chuuya Nakahara just can 't stand someone else not bowing down before him and tripping all over themselves to please him, ' says Kajii, leaning forward with both hands against the island.

'You 're the one who 's full of themselves, ' fires back Chuuya. 'You can 't stand that I didn 't think your songs were perfect and had good ideas for how to make them better. '

'Good ideas? ' Kajii laughs condescendingly. 'All you came up with is a bunch of sentimental nonsense that Hirotsu allowed because he dotes on you. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes. He doesn 't have any doubts about his songwriting abilities. He 'd been able to keep up with the best songwriter he knows, so Kajii 's taunts are just annoying. 'Whatever. All of the writing is over now anyway. It doesn 't even fucking matter anymore. So can 't we just focus on getting through this tour? '

'You should be

grateful

I let a runt like you in my band, ' says Kajii, obviously not interested in peace. 'I saved you from having to play with that pretentious dickhead you were stuck with. '

Chuuya can tolerate a lot, especially when it 's directed at himself. Kajii could sling whatever he wanted at him, call him anything. But Chuuya will

not

fucking stand for him saying anything about Dazai.

So Chuuya does what he 's been dying to for months and stalks across the room and socks Kajii in the face.

Chuuya 's not exactly proud of how many fights he 'd been in when he was younger, but he knows how to doll out a punch. His fist makes a satisfying smack against Kajii 's cheek, the other boy flying back into the counter behind him and crying out.

Kajii holds up a hand to his face, staring at Chuuya in clear disbelief. 'You

hit me

. '

'And I 'll do it again if you don 't watch your mouth, ' threatens Chuuya, trying to hide how much pain his right hand is in.

'You hit me, ' repeats Kajii, still in shock, not moving from his spot leaning against the counter.

'What is your fucking problem with me? ' asks Chuuya, crossing his arms (slightly delicately because of his throbbing hand). He stops yelling and keeps his tone as cold and level as he can. 'And don 't say it 's because I 'm too fucking soft. Drop the bullshit and give me a real answer. '

'You 're an entitled prick, ' declares Kajii, no longer shouting either, but sounding more genuinely angry instead of mocking for once. 'I worked on these songs for

years

before you waltzed onto this project like you owned it. Not to mention you have zero fucking experience in writing or playing rock music, but because you 're our little shining star, we all have to kiss your fucking ass. '

'I didn 't ask to be put in this band, ' says Chuuya, barely holding his temper in check. 'I was assigned to it. I 'm not trying to steal your fucking spotlight or whatever. I 'd just rather play music that was the best it could be, but if you 're too much of a fucking narcissistic freak to accept any help, we 'll just play shit. Should be a fun tour. '

'You swear a lot, ' says Kajii, rubbing his face with one hand. 'And you 've got a hell of a right hook. '

Chuuya sighs and opens up the freezer, grabbing a bag of frozen corn and throwing it at Kajii. He grabs another one for himself to ice his hand. He 's not in the mood to pretend it 's fine to try and save face anymore. He 's sick of walking in circles and all the useless fighting.

'I was assigned to be in this band, but I don 't hate it, ' says Chuuya, ditching any bravado for honesty now. 'The music

is

good. And it 's fun. It 's kind of a nice change of pace not to be playing melancholic shit all the time. So if you could stop trying to make it miserable for me, I might actually enjoy it. '

'Some of you ideas were too sappy for rock, ' says Kajii, slightly muffled around his ice pack. 'But not all of them totally sucked. ' The acknowledgment is clearly difficult for him.

'I know, ' says Chuuya simply. He jumps up to sit on top of the island, readjusting his own ice.

'I 'm not here to stroke your ego, Baby Red, ' says Kajii, pointing his index finger with his free hand. Chuuya wonders if he 's going to have black eye. He figures they can always cover it up with makeup if they have to.

'I wouldn 't want you to, Lemon Fucker, ' replies Chuuya, smirking slightly and shaking his head.

Kajii snorts a little. 'I actually think it 's hilarious that you call me that. '

'I hate it when you call me Baby Red, ' admits Chuuya.

'I know, ' says Kajii smugly.

It doesn 't piss off Chuuya as much as it used to. He just rolls his eyes.

It 's quiet for a minute, both of them silently icing their injuries. Chuuya can just barely hear the sound of the ocean outside, the light from the sunset coming in through the huge windows around them.

'So now what are we supposed to do for the rest of the weekend? ' asks Chuuya, pulling up his legs to sit cross-legged on the island. 'We 're still stuck here the next couple days. Mori isn 't going to let us leave early. '

Kajii looks around the room, contemplating. Then he smirks and asks, 'Want to get drunk? '

Chuuya considers the idea, a smile forming on his face. 'Do you think they have any wine? '

Chuuya is torn between finishing up the little packing he has left to do when he gets home or going straight to bed and saving it for the morning. He knows he 'll regret having to scramble to get everything done, but he 's tired enough that is seems appealing.

He 's walking the few blocks from the bar where he 'd left Tachihara and his friends behind to his dorm, enjoying the quiet walk alone. Originally they had just made plans to get dinner, a final celebration before they left for tour the next day. But they 'd ended up going for a few drinks after.

Chuuya had allowed himself to be dragged along. It 'd been better than staring at his phone the whole night, waiting for Dazai to fucking text him back after Chuuya had messaged him earlier. But apparently he doesn 't give a shit that he 's leaving tomorrow for six months based on how he can 't be bothered to answer.

He 'd eventually run out of steam when the others had started debating moving to a different bar. Chuuya had warned Mich that he was going to regret being hungover tomorrow, but Tachihara had waved him off. Chuuya had let him, it was his funeral.

Falling Camellia is out now, and it 's been selling extremely well in its first couple days. Or at least that 's what everyone is telling him. The numbers seem small compared to Double Black, and especially compared to

Corruption

. But everyone keeps assuring him that it 's doing remarkably for its genre.

Now that he 's made some semblance of peace with Kajii, he 's not as apprehensive about tour as he had been. He still has a little twist of anxiety in his gut at the idea though. It 's only gotten worse throughout the day as he 'd slowly given up on getting the chance to see Dazai one last time. Chuuya can 't decide if he 's more pissed off or disappointed. He gets that Dazai is busy and they still aren 't supposed to be seen palling around, but he 'd thought this was important enough to make an exception.

Chuuya shoves his keys into the door at the end of the third floor hallway, settling on making some tea and going to sleep. He 's going to be deprived of good tea for the foreseeable future, plus there 's no way he 's going to be later than Tachihara tomorrow.

He shuts the door behind him, locking it and tossing his keys onto the small table he keeps next to the door. He goes to flick on the lights when he realizes they 're already on. Chuuya looks up to meet dark eyes, their owner lounging on his couch with a laptop in front of him.

'There you are, ' says Dazai, setting his laptop down on the coffee table and sitting up. 'You 're out rather late for someone leaving for tour tomorrow. '

Chuuya hovers between being insanely relieved and angry. 'You couldn 't have texted me back? '

'I was in the middle of something, ' says Dazai, and he looks frustrated enough about it that Chuuya lets go of a little bit of anger. 'Actually several somethings. I came straight here when I was finished. I 've only been here for maybe half an hour. '

'If you had let me know you were coming, I would have been here, ' points out Chuuya, still not entirely over his irritation.

'Did you really think I wouldn 't come see you before you left? ' asks Dazai. The slight hint of uneasiness in the question makes Chuuya let go of his remaining ill will.

'Not because you didn 't want to, ' clarifies Chuuya, coming into the living room and sinking into the armchair. 'But I was starting to think it might not work out. '

'Don 't be ridiculous, ' says Dazai, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

Chuuya looks over at him, noting the exhaustion in his eyes. They haven 't had much time to talk since the night of the Grammys, that one incredible experience that had almost made everything slightly worse when they 'd had to go back to the current state the next day.

Chuuya had tried not to spend too much time thinking about the feeling he 'd gotten talking for hours with Dazai about music, the sounds of the ocean all around them, the feel of fingers and bandages against his hand. He could torture himself with how much he 'd wanted it to be something he could have regularly.

'You like tired, ' says Chuuya, because it needs saying. He knows Dazai has always been a borderline insomniac, but he 's worried about him. There 's not going to be anybody to bully him into taking care of himself after he leaves. He might be able to talk Kouyou into a little of it, she seems to have less of a problem with Dazai these days. Apparently being executives together has cleared the air between them.

'I 've been busy, ' says Dazai, shrugging a bit. Chuuya can tell he 's both bothered and a little touched by the concern.

'You should stay here tonight, ' says Chuuya before thinking it through.

The offer hangs between them heavily. Dazai hasn 't stayed here once since they got back from tour. He 'd come over the one night they 'd gotten the Grammy nominations, but he 'd left to go back to his apartment before it got too late, saying he had to be at PMR early the next morning. The only other times he 'd been here since had been to raid his fridge when Chuuya wasn 't home (which Chuuya had made him do).

Chuuya 's throat is uncomfortably dry. He 's never asked Dazai to stay with him without the threat of a nightmare or the old excuse of writing an album. Chuuya has tried to keep an iron grip on his feelings for Dazai since Double Black had been separated. But this request feels like he might have just undid all of those efforts. He 's about to take it back when Dazai answers.

'Okay, ' says Dazai thickly, eyes meeting his with a rare display of unconcealed emotion, Dazai 's contentment and gratitude visible without any kind of shield or mask.

Chuuya 's stomach dips and his answering smile is a little shaky. 'Okay, ' he says, the word coming out slightly unsteadily.

'Get us some blankets, ' says Dazai, voice completely back to normal, standing up and moving into the kitchen. 'I 'll make you one of your soothing grass drinks. ' He turns to give Chuuya a smile over his shoulder.

Chuuya hadn 't even known how he was going to navigate whether Dazai was sleeping on the couch alone or they 'd sleep in the same room, but Dazai had settled that easily. Sometimes it 's uncanny how well Dazai can read him. He remembers being fifteen and hating it, and now he feels the exact opposite about it.

'If you do anything to fuck with my teakettle I 'll break your face, ' says Chuuya in response. He shoots Dazai an answering smile as he shifts his coffee table to the side of the room.

He goes to his bedroom to change and grab his comforter and pillows. He throws them on the floor in the living room, stacking all the blankets he has so the ground is hopefully somewhat comfortable.

Dazai hands him a mug once he 's finished. Chuuya takes it and carefully sits down on the pile he 's created without spilling any of the tea. He takes a cautious sip, but Dazai hadn 't made it too hot to drink.

Dazai strips off his suit jacket and tie, loosening his shirt so it 's less tight to sleep in. Chuuya would offer him clothes, but he knows they 'd all be way too small for him (and he doesn 't want to give Dazai the ammunition of that fact.)

Chuuya drinks his tea and eyes the bandages around Dazai 's neck and arms as he tosses his jacket onto the couch, wondering not for the first time why he feels the need to cover up so much of his skin. But he respects Dazai 's privacy way too much to ever pry, and he 'd never wanted to ambush Dazai with the question when they get so little time together. He would hate himself if he ruined any of it.

Dazai goes to turn the lights off then lies down beside him on his stomach, propping his elbows on one of the pillows and facing Chuuya, just visible in the glow of the city 's lights streaming through his living room windows. 'I heard a rumor you and Kajii are getting along now. '

'That 's more than a slight exaggeration, ' says Chuuya, snorting a little. 'We just worked out some of our shit and agreed not to antagonize each other on purpose anymore. I still think he 's obnoxious. '

'I also heard a rumor that you punched him in the face, ' says Dazai, raising an eyebrow.

'He had it coming, ' mutters Chuuya, taking another large sip of his tea.

Dazai laughs, smiling up at him. 'Oh, chibi. You 're still a little street punk at heart aren 't you? '

Chuuya nudges him roughly with one of his feet, but Dazai just laughs even harder. Chuuya has to hide his answering smile behind his tea.

He finishes off the last of the tea, reaching over and setting the mug down on the floor. Chuuya sets his phone alarm for early the next morning, putting it down next to the used mug.

Dazai moves too so that they can get under the first couple layers of blankets. Chuuya is just starting to wonder how they 're going to do this when Dazai scoots over and wraps both his arms around Chuuya without any uncertainty. Chuuya 's breath catches slightly as Dazai pulls him in close and buries his head against Chuuya 's shoulder.

The warmth that spreads throughout his whole body has nothing to do with the blankets. Chuuya frees his own arm from underneath Dazai to move it so it 's more comfortable, settling it against Dazai 's back.

It 's quiet in the room. He can only hear the sound of their breathing and the muffled noises of L.A. in the background. Chuuya is going to miss this stupid city so much it 's unbearable, but that doesn 't even compare to how much he 's going to miss the person slightly crushing his shoulder. He can 't resist speaking up.

'I love playing music, especially live, ' says Chuuya, volume somewhere between normal and a whisper. Dazai shifts, propping his head against Chuuya so they can look at each other. 'It 's my favorite thing in the world. It doesn 't make sense that I 'm dreading it. '

'I 'll watch the ocean for you, ' says Dazai lightly, as if he were offering to water his plants while he was gone. But his eyes hold something much deeper. 'It 'll be waiting for you when you get back. '

'Meanwhile, who 's going to be watching my dog? ' asks Dazai, shifting to a whining tone. 'Who 's going to take it on walks? Make sure it 's getting enough water? I feel like such an irresponsible pet owner. '

'You 're the one who would skip all your meals if I wasn 't around, ' says Chuuya, trying to push Dazai away but he just clings on even tighter. Dazai settles back against Chuuya 's shoulder, hiding his face slightly.

'I don 't want you to go, ' says Dazai so quietly Chuuya isn 't sure he heard him at first.

'Dogs are loyal, ' whispers Chuuya, stroking his hand lightly up and down Dazai 's back. 'You can leave them for years and they still don 't forget their owners, still wait for them endlessly. '

Dazai starts laughing, hard, and Chuuya can feel it with how tightly they 're pressed against each other. 'I can 't believe you finally admitted you 're my dog, ' he says in between laughing.

'You are the literal worst, ' says Chuuya, face heating up in embarrassment. The way Dazai relaxes against him makes it so he can 't regret it though.

'Stop barking, Chuuya, ' says Dazai giddily. 'You 've got a big day tomorrow. ' The way he snuggles into Chuuya and gently holds him keeps Chuuya from reacting to the teasing.

'You 're the one who won 't shut up, ' murmurs Chuuya, closing his eyes. Despite being on the floor, he can 't recall the last time he felt this comfortable as he drifts off to sleep.

His back is not as pleased with his sleeping choices as his mind had been the next morning. It hurts a little when his alarm goes off, blaring unpleasantly. Chuuya reaches over to shut it off clumsily, finally finding the phone after some feeling around.

The room is brighter than his bedroom usually is, and Chuuya squints as he looks over to the other side of the blankets to see he 's alone. He isn 't able to get too upset before he becomes aware of the sound of someone quietly tying.

Chuuya sits up fully to see Dazai working on his computer in the kitchen, hunched over the stool at the counter, earphones on. He 's shirt is still loose from sleeping, and he 's got a cup of coffee next to him.

It brings a smile to Chuuya 's face, the sight intimately familiar. How many mornings on tour had he woken up to the same thing? (He wouldn 't necessarily hate always waking up like this.) He 's distracted from going over to talk to him though when he remembers he still has to finish packing.

Chuuya swears under his breath as he rushes to get up. Dazai looks up from his work, raising his eyebrows at how he starts moving around the dorm frantically, throwing things into his suitcase and backpack.

'Shut up, ' says Chuuya as a good morning. Dazai just smiles slightly, shaking his head and going back to his work.

He finally gets everything together right before when he has to leave in order to not be late. He shoves the rest of his stuff into place and zips everything up, tossing the full luggage near his door.

Chuuya turns to face Dazai once he 's done, it suddenly hitting him all at once how long it 's going to be before they see each other again. These last few months had been terrible, but even when he hadn 't seen Dazai he 'd always been there in some way. He doesn 't know what to say. Goodbye feels too cheap to express everything he 's feeling.

Dazai gets off the stool, noticing Chuuya 's impending departure. Chuuya walks over so he 's standing next to the counter too.

'Here, ' says Dazai, handing him a travel mug full of tea that Chuuya doesn 't remember owning. 'Take this for the road. '

'Thanks, ' says Chuuya softly, absurdly put off by the tiny gesture for some reason.

'Have a good tour, slug, ' says Dazai. His smiles are rarely genuine, but this one is even faker than usual.

'Don 't burn down the city, mackerel, ' says Chuuya, forcing a fake smile himself.

'Please, ' says Dazai, rolling his eyes. 'Like I 'd do that without you to be my lookout. '

Fuck it, Chuuya set the travel mug down harshly on the counter, moving forward and hugging Dazai as tightly as he can, having to tiptoe slightly to reach. Dazai 's arms come up to return the embrace quickly, practically crushing Chuuya with their force. Neither of them let go for a long moment.

But Chuuya really can 't afford to be late, no matter how much Hirotsu likes him. He reluctantly pulls back. Dazai squeezes him tighter for a second then releases him as well.

Chuuya doesn 't let him get far though, cupping his face in his hands and pulling him forward so that they 're eye to eye. 'Fucking answer me when I text you, ' he commands, though it comes out kind of desperate.

'I will, ' promises Dazai hoarsely. Chuuya can see him swallow harshly.

It takes a tremendous amount of effort to let go. Chuuya sighs to himself as he does, grabbing the stupidly thoughtful travel mug off the counter angrily. He storms over to his door, picking up his bags just as roughly.

He opens the door and looks back a final time. Dazai is watching him, his expression hard to witness.

'See you in August, ' declares Chuuya forcefully. 'Lock up when you leave. '

He slams the door shut before Dazai has a chance to answer, making himself walk towards where the tour bus is waiting. He has to work unbelievably hard to get his shit together again before he approaches his bandmates.

The sight of Tachihara looking kind of pale and almost as miserable as he is helps a lot.

'Baby Red! ' calls out Kajii as he gets closer. He waves with both hands enthusiastically.

Chuuya gives him the finger and goes to hand his luggage off to the stage hands. He comes back over when he 's done, sipping his tea from his mug.

'Where 's Gin? ' asks Chuuya, looking around for the quietest member of the band.

'She 's running late, ' says Hirotsu, appearing in the door of the bus. 'You 're all running late. ' He sounds very displeased.

'She 's on her way, ' says Tachihara, the words a slight croak. Hirotsu gives him a very disappointed look.

'Lightweight, ' says Kajii, slapping Tachihara on the back. Tachihara lets out a slight groan.

'There any water on the bus? ' asks Chuuya, taking pity on his friend.

Hirotsu sighs but gets back on the bus to look for some. Tachihara gives Chuuya a grateful smile.

'What the fuck, ' says Kajii, looking off to the side. Chuuya follows his gaze, jaw dropping at the sight a little.

Gin has arrived, carrying six suitcases worth of luggage. She 's making her brother carry four of them, and he looks extremely put out about it.

'Why does she have so much stuff? ' asks Tachihara, frowning at the approaching siblings. 'She wears like two different black outfits. '

Gin clearly hears him, narrowing her eyes at him. 'You should be more worried about yourself. You look like death warmed over. '

Tachihara is cut off from replying by Hirotsu reappearing and shoving a bottle of water at him. He thanks the older man and starts guzzling from it. Gin walks over to help her brother with her stuff. Chuuya watches Gin give Ryuunosuke a hug, snorting a little at the usually sour boy awkwardly hugging his sister back.

'Now that we 're all here, you can all get on the bus, ' says Hirotsu shortly. He gestures to the door impatiently.

Kajii smirks and leads the way, shoving Tachihara a little as he goes. Tachihara clutches his water a little tighter and follows him, looking a little anxious about riding the bumpy vehicle.

Chuuya can 't help but smile as he climbs on behind them, this tour certainty has no risk of being boring. Hirotsu returns the smile tiredly as he passes him.

Chuuya takes a seat on the bus across from Tachihara while Kajii explores the interior. Chuuya 's seen enough of the inside of tour buses to not be that interested. Gin gets on after a minute, sitting on the same side as Tachihara but as far away from him as possible. She gives him a disgusted look as he burps.

'Let The Black Lizard 's Falling Camellia tour begin, ' yells Kajii as the bus pulls away from the Port Mafia Records' parking lot.

Chuuya stretches out his legs on the seat, trying to get comfortable. He takes another drink of his tea, trying to stop from feeling so wretched in front of the others.

His phone buzzes and he pulls it out, starting to smile despite himself at the message.

[7:04am Mackerel]: First of all, it 's rude to leave in the middle of a conversation. Where are your manners, chibi? I suppose I shouldn 't expect any better from a dog. I pity your bandmates for being stuck with someone so tiny and unpleasant.

March, One Year, One and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

L.A. is the worst city in the world, and Dazai has no idea why he lives here. It 's loud, the traffic is unbearable, and almost everyone who lives here is a mindless fool.

Dazai has thrown himself into work over the past few weeks, his productivity rising sharply. Instead of pleasing him, it just makes his failures stand out more.

Despite how much time he spends working with Akutagawa, he never seems to improve. It 's like he 's hit some sort of obstacle, and Dazai keeps ramming him against to try and break through it. But no matter what he tries, the other boy 's vocals aren 't getting any better.

Dazai in general isn 't easily angered, but he can 't help how impatient he 's getting. The sooner Akutagawa can get over himself, the sooner he can release music, and the sooner Dazai can go back to being part of a duo.

There haven 't been words created to describe how excruciating it 's been now that Chuuya 's left. Dazai only allows himself to sulk when he 's absolutely sure he 's alone. For those few moments at night in his apartment, he lets himself think about how much he pathetically wishes he were there.

Dazai 's not sure if the night he spent with Chuuya before he left had helped or made things even worse. Not that Dazai regrets it, he could never regret a single moment of it. He just wants to know when these encounters are going to stop being so short and insufficient.

Despite how busy he is, he makes sure he finds the time to text Chuuya back without too many delays. The way he 'd asked him to is seared into his memory. It 's not convenient to check his phone so often, but Dazai makes it work.

Chuuya is almost just as busy, but The Black Lizards tour is less jam-packed with events than the Double Black one had been. The album is selling well, beyond the projected estimates even. It isn 't anything record-breaking though. Dazai suspects that many of the sales are due to Chuuya 's popularity rather than the quality of the music.

Chuuya and Dazai had skirted around the issue of whether Dazai thought the music was good whenever it was brought up. Dazai gets the feeling that Chuuya knows he 's not all that impressed with it. Dazai also gets the feeling that Chuuya on some level shares that feeling. Chuuya is less opinionated than Dazai about music, but he tends to be more attracted to complex and what he calls 'impactful ' music. The Black Lizards ' music does not fall into that category.

Right now Dazai is in the middle of trying to track down a misplaced shipment of newly designed calendars featuring a different Port Mafia Records' artist each month. Normally this would be grunt work and Dazai would pass it off to somebody beneath him. But it 's the fifth day since he 'd requested someone take care of it, and nothing has been done. So Dazai is taking the problem into his own hands, heading towards a part of the building he usually doesn 't spend much time in.

Dazai 's phone goes off as he take the elevator to where the shipping department is housed. He pulls it out to check it, slightly disappointed it 's not someone who found his lost shipment while also pleased who it is from.

[10:04am Slug]: if it 's a shipping issue why don 't you just make ace deal with it

He quickly types out a reply, getting off the elevator on his floor.

[10:05am Dazai]: You know Ace is the least useful person to go to with actual work.

He 's still holding onto the phone when Chuuya replies.

[10:05am Slug]: or you 're just being impatient

Dazai hits the call button, figuring if Chuuya is busy he can just ignore it. But he answers after the second ring.

'Hello? ' Even across the phone his voice does dangerous things to Dazai 's insides.

'I 'm not being impatient, ' says Dazai, making his way down the hall. 'It 's been five days. How hard can it be to find a box of calendars? '

'People do have other work to do, ' says Chuuya, sounding amused. 'I doubt your missing calendars are a priority. '

'They should be, ' says Dazai flatly, not whining like he would if they were alone. 'When an executive asks for something, it should get done. '

'Oh, is Mr. Big Bad Demon Prodigy sad nobody is following his orders? ' asks Chuuya mockingly.

Dazai has to fight to cover a snort. 'You 'd understand if you were an executive. '

Chuuya scoffs. 'I like playing music. I 'd rather die than be stuck in a stuffy office.

Dazai is approaching the front desk of the shipping department, so he cheerfully tells Chuuya, 'Hold please. '

'Do you honestly expect me to stay on the line while you fucking-, ' is all Dazai hears him say before he pulls the phone away, letting it hang by his side.

'Hello there, ' says Dazai to the women working the front desk. It 's obvious she knows who he is by the way she 's staring at him with slightly wide eyes. 'I 'm afraid a shipment of mine has gone missing. Could you direct me to someone who can help me find it? '

'Um, let me check, ' says the women, turning to her computer and typing quickly.

Dazai doesn 't hide his displeasure, leaning agains the desk impatiently. 'Is it really that hard to track down a simple package? '

'I 'll go get someone right away, sir. ' The woman stands up, clearly nervous as she walks away from her desk briskly and going further into the office.

Dazai sighs and bring the phone back up to his ear. 'Ace really hires the worst people. '

'Maybe if you weren 't such a dick to people they 'd be more likely to help you, ' says Chuuya. Dazai can 't tell if he 's annoyed by Dazai being rude to the secretary or because Dazai put him on hold. Annoying Chuuya in person is just infinitely better.

'How 's the tour? ' asks Dazai, rearranging the knick knacks on the secretary 's desk. 'Where are you guys now? '

He 's distracted from Chuuya 's reply by the appearance of a tall man. The man stops when he sees Dazai, coming forward towards the desk. He has dark red hair and is dressed in the more casual attire required in this department, wearing a simple black dress shirt with a tan jacket.

'Can I help you? ' asks the man. If he knows who Dazai is, he doesn 't show it. The question is polite, maybe even kind, like he thinks Dazai might be lost.

'I would be delighted if you could, ' says Dazai, flashing his biggest grin and bringing his phone to his side again. 'I 've lost a package. '

'Do you have a tracking number? ' asks the man calmly.

'Yes, I have the tracking number, ' says Dazai, not sure if the man is mocking him or not.

'Well, ' says the man, a hint of a smile showing, 'Can I see it? Then maybe I can find it for you. '

Dazai doesn 't know what to think, but he quickly schools his features into a blank expression. He raises his phone again, putting Chuuya on mute and opening the email with the details of the shipment.

He offers his phone to the man, who reads the email with a frown on his face.

'Sorry about that, ' says the man, handing Dazai back his phone. 'We just switched to a new numbering system, and I think this got put in the wrong place using the old one. I 'll go find it for you. '

'Thank you, ' says Dazai, still not sure what to make of the man.

The man just nods, turning to go back from the way he came. He waves to the secretary as he goes, who 's on her way back. She 's got a tight smile on her face as she approaches.

'Mr. Bennet is out right now, ' she says nervously. 'But he should be back soon if you 're willing to wait, Mr. Dazai. '

Dazai shakes his head, fighting off a smile (

Mr. Dazai?

). 'That won 't be necessary. Apparently this department isn 't full of only useless people. '

'Oh, ' says the woman, clearly unsure if she 's included in the category or not. 'Is Oda helping you? '

'If that 's the tall redhead, yes, ' says Dazai, walking slightly away from the desk, signaling the end of his interest in talking to the secretary.

He unmutes his phone and brings it back up to his ear. 'It seems Ace hasn 't infected the whole place with his stupidity, ' he says into the phone.

'Did you fucking mute me? ' asks Chuuya angrily.

'I was busy, ' says Dazai flippantly.

'Then why did you fucking call me? ' asks Chuuya loudly.

'Why did you stay on the phone? ' asks Dazai back, grinning at the aggravated intake of breath on the other end of the line.

'I 'm so going to punch you the next time I see you, ' says Chuuya.

Dazai would let him punch him as many times as he wanted if it meant he got to see him sooner. 'You 're becoming so violent. '

'That 's because-, ' Chuuya starts to say before Dazai cuts him off again. He sees the man he 'd spoken to walking towards him with a large box.

'Oh, I think those are my calendars, ' says Dazai excitedly. 'Hold please, ' he directs again. He mutes the phone and puts it in his pocket this time.

'Here you are, ' says the man, putting the box down in front of Dazai. 'You need help carrying this somewhere? '

Dazai is slightly insulted at the (true) implication that he can 't handle it himself. But he really doesn 't want to carry it all the way back to his office. 'If it went where it was originally supposed to that would be nice, ' he ends up saying.

'Sure thing, ' says the man, amused rather than offended. 'Osamu Dazai 's office, right? That you? '

'That 's me, ' confirms Dazai. 'And you are? '

'Sakunosuke Oda, ' says the other man, reaching out a hand to shake.

Dazai takes it, slightly bewildered. This is not the usual reaction he gets around PMR. He doesn 't hate it though. 'Thanks for your help. '

'No problem, ' says Oda. He gestures to the package. 'Do you need this right away or is it fine if I deliver it a little later? I was in the middle of something else when I saw you standing here. '

'Later is fine, ' Dazai finds himself saying, despite his earlier insistence he needed the package right away. It isn 't actually that big of a priority.

'I 'll see you later then, ' says Oda, giving a wave and picking up the package. He carries it away with him as he goes. Dazai watches him, still more than a little puzzled at the whole interaction.

He pushes it aside, exiting the shipping department and taking out his phone again. The fact that the call is still ongoing on the screen brings a smile to his face.

'Have you ever met a Sakunosuke Oda? ' asks Dazai as he unmutes it again.

'I don 't actually know everyone, ' says Chuuya, apparently not angry about the muting and holding this time around, he 'd probably expected it. 'Especially the shipping guys. Everyone knows most of them are in some kind of deep shit to end up working for Ace. '

'I know, ' says Dazai. 'But he seemed different. He was surprisingly helpful. '

'Thank god, ' says Chuuya sarcastically. 'What would have happened if you hadn 't gotten your precious calendars? '

'These calendars are essential Port Mafia Records merchandise, ' says Dazai. 'These calendars are the culmination of hours of hard work. The money these calendars will make will help pay for the three guitars you 've replaced this year alone. '

Chuuya snorts, but then his tone shifts to something less pleased. 'I 've got to go. '

'Later, chibi, ' says Dazai, trying not to let how disappointed he is show in his voice.

'Text me, ' says Chuuya. He says it more like an order (he always sees through Dazai despite how much actual effort Dazai puts in). Then he hangs up.

Dazai 's mood plummets as he heads back towards his office. There is one bright spot of interest in the rest of his day to look forward to though. Sakunosuke Oda is going to be visiting his office, and Dazai is strangely eager, mostly intrigued at the mystery the man presents. It 'll be a good distraction anyway, and all Dazai lives for these days is a good distraction.

April, One Year, Two and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

Doing interviews is different with The Black Lizards than it had been with Dazai. There are the obvious reasons, like he doesn 't have to answer as many questions. Kajii answers a lot of them himself. Tachihara chimes in occasionally. Gin almost never answers unless the question is asked to her directly.

Some things don 't change though, they still get the same old useless questions.

'All of you are young and single, ' says the magazine writer who 's interviewing them. She smiles brightly. 'Are there any sparks of romance between bandmates? '

They all exchange glances then burst out laughing, even Gin is giggling.

'They 're like babies, ' says Kajii, still cackling.

'You couldn 't pay me to date any of them, ' adds Chuuya, smirking.

'No, ' says Gin so firmly it sets off a new round of laughter.

'Alright, ' says the woman, her smile a little less happy. 'I 've just got a few more questions. Chuuya, what 's it like going from playing in a duo to being in a band?"

Chuuya hates when they single him out like this, but it always inevitably happens. He forces down a scowl. 'It 's been great, ' he says. 'It 's allowed me to get into a whole different kind of music. '

'What does Dazai think of the band? ' asks the writer.

Chuuya has to admire the boldness of the question. While not strictly prohibited, it 's well known by now that Chuuya doesn 't answer questions about Dazai (Chuuya doesn 't even mind that he 'd been specifically told he isn 't allowed to. He doesn 't want to fucking talk about it anyway, especially not to the press.)

'You 'd have to ask Dazai, ' says Chuuya cooly.

'Is there still a chance of another Double Black album in the future? ' asks the writer, not deterred by his evasion.

There fucking better be if Chuuya has anything to do with it. But he just says, 'It 's a possibility. Who knows what will happen down the line? I 'm happy where I am right now. '

'Thank you for your time, ' says the woman, speaking to all of them again. They all smile and thank her.

'You 're getting scarily good at that, ' says Tachihara to him once she 's left.

'Fuck off, ' says Chuuya. He hates lying, he doesn 't want to get better at it. He 'd prefer to never do another interview where people ask him about Dazai and he has to give vague bullshit answers.

Dazai 's never met someone like Oda before. Ever since their first encounter, Dazai keeps being surprised at how genuinely nice the other man is, and with barely any effort.

When Oda had come to deliver the package to his office he 'd struck up a conversation with Dazai easily. He hadn 't been put off at all by that fact that they were in the executive suite or that Dazai outranked him by a mile. He 'd asked Dazai about his office lawn chairs without any hesitation.

Dazai had made some comment about how they were quality chairs, but he 'd been impressed by Oda 's bluntness. Dazai spends so much time surrounded by people who lie and agree with anything he says. It had been refreshing to have someone treat him like an actual person.

Oda had left after a few minutes, but Dazai found himself seeking him out again with a different shipping problem a week later. Instead of giving it to someone else, he 'd gone down to the shipping department himself.

Oda hadn 't looked surprised to see him. Apparently switching to the new system had been resulting in a lot of mix ups. Dazai had been the one who 'd been surprised when Oda had asked him if he wanted to get lunch after he 'd solved his problem.

Dazai had agreed (figuring Chuuya would be proud of him for eating and not shutting himself away in his office.) Oda had led the way out of PMR 's office and a little further down the block to a curry place Dazai had never been to. It was a small family-owned restaurant, and it 'd reminded Dazai of the places he and Chuuya had used to eat at on tour. He 'd snapped a quick picture to send to him later.

Dazai had figured lunch would be a one time thing, but it 's becoming a regular occurrence. Dazai likes spending time with Oda. Oda remains unfazed no matter what Dazai throws at him. Dazai can whine and complain about work then switch to verbally tearing down whatever artist has irritated him and Oda just listens, commenting once in a while.

At first it had been kind of a game for Dazai to try to get a reaction out of the calm man, but now he finds himself saying whatever comes to mind in front of Oda without thinking about it. Dazai is rarely this honest in front of others, it 's strange how it doesn 't make him anxious at all.

Right now Dazai is going on a tangent about an issue he 's having with someone in accounting as they eat their curry (although Dazai gets his much milder than Oda does.) 'It can 't be that hard to push a few buttons and move the money where I need it. '

Dazai is about to launch into a different rant about Akutagawa when Oda cuts in. 'If you 're having an accounting issue, why don 't you just ask Ango for help? '

'Ango Sakaguchi? ' Dazai raises an eyebrow. Sakaguchi is one of the higher ups in the accounting department, he often handled more discrete work that Mori needed done quietly. Dazai has never met him though, and he 's curious how Oda knows him.

'Yeah, we can go see him after we finish, ' says Oda.

Dazai is intrigued by the idea, so he stops talking so much and eats as much as he ever does of his food. After they 're done he follows Oda back to PMR, taking the elevator to one of the middle floors where Ango Sakaguchi 's office is.

Oda knocks on the door when he reaches it, being called in by the man inside. Oda opens the door, letting Dazai enter first.

Sakaguchi looks up from the mountain of papers he 's going through on his desk. He 's dressed more formally than Oda but more casually than Dazai in a simple brown suit. He flicks his dark hair out of his face to take in the people who 've entered his office, they 're clearly not who he had been expecting.

Sakaguchi frowns slightly, readjusting his glasses into place. 'Executive Dazai, what can I do for you? '

'Oda told me that if I 'm having a money issue you 're the guy to go to, ' says Dazai lightly, walking over to examine the shelves Ango has in his office. They 're filled with books, the majority of them looking academic and boring.

'Did he? ' asks Sakaguchi, and Dazai sees him give Oda a look that he doesn 't appreciate the endorsement. He quickly switches back to a more polite expression. 'What can I do for you? '

'Don 't be like that, Ango, ' says Oda, laughing slightly.

Dazai smiles at Sakaguchi with false sweetness. 'We 've never been properly introduced, I 'm Osamu Dazai. ' He walks over and sticks out a hand for Sakaguchi to shake.

'Yes, I know of you, ' says Sakaguchi shortly, though he does take Dazai 's hand and give it a brief and firm shake. 'You 're the one who broke the $10,000 toilet on the Port Mafia Records' jet at age fifteen. '

'Was it really $10,000? ' asks Dazai, excitedly rather than with any regret. He and Chuuya are having an ongoing argument about which of them has the bigger damages tab, and this is sure to put him ahead.

Sakaguchi sighs quietly. 'What can I help you with? '

Oda takes a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk as Dazai tells Sakaguchi the details. Sakaguchi is surprisingly helpful, solving Dazai 's problem in only a few minutes.

'How do you two know each other? ' asks Dazai once the matter is settled. He 'd been waiting for one of them to reveal how two people in entirely different departments seemed so familiar, but it 's still unclear.

'We 've know each other for a while, ' says Sakaguchi, adding no other details.

'We 're friends, ' says Oda, shaking his head at the other man. 'Drinking buddies. We go to this old hole in the wall after a long day and get a couple whiskeys. ' Oda turns to look at Dazai with a smile. 'You should join us sometime. '

'He 's seventeen, ' says Sakaguchi, clearly disapproving.

'I 'm your superior, ' points out Dazai, not sure whether he wants to accept the invitation. He tries to hide his surprise though.

'Because Ogai Mori makes demented business decisions that only he can follow, ' mutters Sakaguchi under his breath, clearly not expecting Dazai to hear him.

It startles Dazai into a laugh, making him reevaluate his opinion of Sakaguchi as only an unpleasant stick in the mud. 'Sure, I 'm in, ' says Dazai with a smirk.

'Hole in the wall ' is a good descriptor for The Lupin. It 's located in a basement and doesn 't have any windows. It 's quiet, and there 's not many tables inside. The three of them are sitting at the bar, and they 're some of the few customers. The only other people in the place are a couple at a table in the back corner, speaking to each other too softly for the sound to carry much.

Dazai likes the place immediately, it 's weird enough to appeal to him. The bartender is wearing a crimson vest and hadn 't batted an eye at Dazai 's age before pouring him a glass of whiskey. This outing is also helping him to not focus on the fact he hasn 't heard from Chuuya at all the past couple days. His phone feels like it 's been mocking him with its silence.

He 's never been much of a drinker, but the whiskey is more tolerable than the other types of alcohol he 's tried. Dazai looks over at his two drinking companions, taking in the way they seem more at ease here than they had at PMR. Oda is next to him, with Sakaguchi on the other side of Oda. The bartender had recognized them when they walked in, already pulling out a couple glasses before they 'd ordered anything.

Dazai 's good opinion of the place starts to sour though when the sounds of

Lemon Bomb

start playing over the speakers. It 's not very loud, but Dazai scowls at the music.

'Hey, mind switching that to something else? ' Oda asks the bartender, catching Dazai 's displeasure. The bartender agrees easily.

'So you don 't like your ex-partner 's new band? ' asks Sakaguchi as the music switches to something less irritating.

The 'ex ' makes Dazai clench his glass a little tighter. 'It has nothing to do with who 's playing it, the music is just unimpressive. '

'I kind of like Falling Camellia, ' says Oda. 'It might not be that impressive, but it 's nice to listen to if you 're in the mood for something a little loud and fierce. That Tachihara plays a mean drums. '

Dazai listens while keeping his face blank. It 's always interesting hearing the opinions of PMR 's employees who aren 't directly involved in music. He and Oda had talked a little bit about what type of music they 'd liked before, and Dazai had been impressed when Oda had named Natsume Soseki as one of his favorites. He 's currently rethinking whether Oda has good taste now though.

'I think it 's nothing special, ' cuts in Sakaguchi, shaking his head. It makes Dazai warm up to him a little more. 'They 're wasting Nakahara in that band. '

Dazai can 't keep his face blank anymore at that comment, a disgruntled look appearing out of his control. Their 'feud ' is well-known enough now that he usually doesn 't have to suffer through the ordeal of talking about Chuuya with others.

'Sorry, ' says Oda to Dazai, giving Sakaguchi a disapproving look. 'We didn 't mean to make you uncomfortable. We know you two aren 't getting along right now. '

Dazai is about to tell some lie to smooth things over but Sakaguchi scoffs, throwing him off.

'Please, ' he says, rolling his eyes. 'That 's a bunch of nonsense created to drive up sales. Dazai and Nakahara spent so much time together before they even started working together that the accounting department had to combine their expenditure reports because it got too difficult to separate who spent what. '

'That 's an interesting theory, ' says Dazai, allowing just the hint of a smile. He tries to cover it up by taking a sip of his whiskey. This Ango fellow is way more knowledgable than he 'd realized. He supposes someone who 's trusted enough to work with Mori directly is probably privy to more information than the rest of PMR 's employees.

'So you aren 't in a feud? ' asks Oda, turning to Dazai, rolling with the revelation easily.

'I don 't have time to waste feuding with a hat rack, ' says Dazai, making his voice light and cheery.

Oda takes it as a sign to not pursue it further. He unfortunately doesn 't drop the subject of Chuuya entirely though. 'I 've never met him, but Nakahara 's got one serious set of pipes. It must have been something to sing with him. '

'I 've met him, ' says Sakaguchi, frowning again. It seems to be a common expression for him. 'I was tasked with talking to him about his spending habits before he left for tour with The Black Lizards. He called me Four-Eyes and told me to fuck off. '

Dazai laughs, almost spilling his drink with the force of it, because that is classic Chuuya. It makes the pain of missing him flare more keenly. He doesn 't really think before saying, 'Chuuya could sing me under the table. ' Oda and Sakaguchi look surprised at the comment.

'Singing is the only thing Chuuya is better at than me, ' says Dazai quickly, holding up a hand for emphasis. 'And toilet darts, although he has an unfair advantage as he lives where the game board is and gets far more opportunities to practice. '

'Do you think you 'll ever work together again? ' asks Oda, not aware how the question makes Dazai want to break every bottle behind the bar.

He 's not interested in entertaining the topic of the slug for any longer. 'This place is interesting, ' says Dazai, tone hard enough to convey the feeling. 'How did you find it? '

'I 've been coming here for years, ' says Oda, not offended by Dazai 's changing of the subject, 'Long before I started working for PMR. '

'How did you end up working in the shipping department? ' asks Dazai, happy to start talking about anything else. 'I thought Ace only hired shady ex-convicts and drug addicts who owed him favors. '

'I am a drug addict, ' says Oda casually. Sakaguchi is frowning even deeper, and Dazai almost spits out the sip of whiskey he just took.

Oda laughs a little at his expression. 'I 'm clean now, I have been for years. But is does make finding a job harder. '

'Should you be drinking? ' asks Dazai, not able to hide the shock in his voice. He knows very little about addiction, but he got the feeling that was one of the basic rules.

'No, ' says Sakaguchi sourly, 'He shouldn 't. ' It 's clearly a discussion they 've had before.

'I 've never had a problem with a glass of whiskey here or there, ' says Oda, shaking his head, but it 's more affectionate than annoyed. 'As long as I stay away from partying and heroin, I 'm fine. '

Dazai doesn 't know what to say. The more he learns about Oda, the more interesting he is. He 's distracted by his phone buzzing, and his pulse jumps as he tries to look calm as he pulls it out.

[11:34pm Slug]: hirotsu took my phone away after i accidentally broke the toilet on the tour bus

Dazai smirks, typing out a quick reply,

You can 't try and run up your tab now, that 's cheating.

'Who are you texting? ' asks Oda as he puts his phone away.

'It 's just work, ' says Dazai lightly. 'So Ango, how did you end up working for PMR? '

April 29, One Year & Three Months Since the Release of Corruption

Chuuya is trying very hard not to be disappointed. He 'd had a perfectly good birthday. After last year Hirotsu hadn 't scheduled any events for the day. The band had mostly just hung out, drinking and listening to music.

Despite their rocky beginnings, being on tour has smoothed out the edges of their group. They still don 't see eye to eye on everything (well, most things), but they all can agree on how much they love the adrenaline rush that comes with a good concert.

At the start of the tour they 'd all kind of done their own thing, Chuuya had really only hung out with Tachihara. But slowly over time they 'd starting all hanging out, ending each show by having a drink and going over the highlights and mishaps together.

Chuuya is always going to think Kajii is a lunatic, but he 's been forced to deal with the horrifying realization that he actually kind of likes him. He and Kajii share the same frenzied energy on stage, playing off each other easily.

Gin and Tachihara still snip at each other constantly, but Chuuya recognizes now that it doesn 't mean they hate each other. Gin is still pretty quiet, but Tachihara always seems to know what she 's feeling. Their rhythm section is tighter and more cohesive than ever.

So he 'd had a good day with everyone, it 'd been great not to be fussed over at all. It 's everything he could have asked for in a birthday. He 'd been able to have fairly long conversations with Kouyou and Arthur. Elise had actually video chatted with him for a while, pulling Mori into the screen to say happy birthday too.

The absence of one person shouldn 't ruin the whole day.

But while Chuuya had tried to be patient throughout the day, it 's getting close to midnight and he still hasn 't heard anything from Dazai. He 's laying in his hotel room alone, watching the time get later and later.

They 'd texted a lot and talked on the phone occasionally right after Chuuya had left. It 's starting to slowly taper off over time though.

He knows Dazai is busy, and he 's somehow made a few

friends

from PMR now. Chuuya hadn 't believed him when he 'd first told him that. He 's more than a little curious what kind of people Dazai would keep as friends. And he 's happy that Dazai isn 't alone and miserable. He 's more relieved than jealous (okay, it 's kind of close.)

Chuuya doesn 't know what to do. He 's never had to deal with Dazai ignoring him before. It makes him absurdly unsettled. Dazai has been a constant in his life since even before he 'd wanted him to be.

He 'd made a promise to himself that he wouldn 't let himself be left behind this time, but he can 't be the only one hanging on. Chuuya isn 't interested in being the fool who gets startled when he 's been cut off but hadn 't realized it.

His stomach drops as he watches it officially become April 30th. Chuuya doesn 't even know what the fuck he 's going to say to Dazai the next time he speaks to him. He wants to call him an asshole but also doesn 't want to let him know how much this fucking hurts.

Chuuya remembers his naive declaration last year,

Next year we will be in L.A. I don 't care who I have to threaten to make it happen

.

Not only is he very much not in L.A, he also is alone. He feels so fucking stupid.

A knock at his door makes him jump. He almost ignores it, but it could be one of his bandmates or Hirotsu. He walks to the door, trying to make it look like he hadn 't been having a small meltdown.

It is not someone he knows waiting at the door though. It 's a man wearing a uniform and holding a big package.

'Delivery for Chuuya Nakahara, ' says the man. 'Sorry for the late hour, I was running short on time. ' He emphasizes the word short oddly.

Chuuya has to smother a wild cackle, so relieved he could hug the man. He doesn 't though, he just quickly signs for the package and shuts the door behind him.

He 's dialing Dazai 's number before he even gets it open properly, shoving the phone into his shoulder.

'Chibi, ' says Dazai cheerfully, picking up after the first ring.

'How much did you have to pay a delivery service to get them to deliver a package at exactly 12:01AM, you freak? ' asks Chuuya, voice a mixture of fondness and exasperation.

'The timing wasn 't an issue, ' says Dazai. 'It was actually much harder to get him to call you short. He was very concerned about offending celebrity singer Chuuya Nakahara. '

'You 're the worst, ' says Chuuya as he finally get the box open. He has to move some packaging material to reveal what 's in it. Dazai seems to be waiting for him to open it before responding again.

Chuuya snorts when he sees what 's inside. 'Did you get me a box filled with the cheapest wine you could find? '

'It is the cheapest wine available for sale in all of the United States, ' says Dazai proudly. 'But that 's not all there is. '

Chuuya 's breath catches a little when he pulls out the lone bottle that doesn 't match the others. It 's a 1889 Petrus, and insanely expensive. He can 't believe Dazai would blow that much money on him. But then he notices that the cork of the bottle looks like it 's been tampered with.

'Did you fucking open the Petrus? ' asks Chuuya, pulling the bottle closer to examine it.

'Yup, ' says Dazai easily. 'You should check what 's inside. '

'What the fuck is wrong with you? ' asks Chuuya as he pulls the cork out. He 's hit with the smell of 'salt.

'I figured you might be missing your ocean, ' says Dazai, tone a bit more serious now. 'So I wanted to send you some that you can keep with you. '

Chuuya has never fully explained his attachment to the ocean to Dazai, but he knows Dazai is aware of how important it is to him. He 'd showed him the song he 'd started to write about it.

The gift means more to Chuuya than he knows how to say. It 's like a piece of home, which Dazai also knows. But even more than that it 's a physical reminder of the thing that he turns to when he struggles the most with thoughts of whether he 's human.

'You 're unbelievable, ' says Chuuya. His voice comes out slightly scratchy. He knows Dazai will recognize it as his version of a thank you.

Dazai makes a pleased humming noise in response.

Chuuya has to know though. 'Please tell me you ordered a Petrus that was already empty. '

'Of course not, ' says Dazai happily. 'I 'm no cheapskate. Chibi deserves only the best. '

'What did you do with the wine? ' asks Chuuya, even though he knows he shouldn 't.

'Poured it out, ' says Dazai matter of factly. 'I don 't care much for wine. '

'You 're the worst, ' says Chuuya again, laughing this time.

'Happy eighteenth birthday, Chuuya, ' says Dazai, voice soft in a tone Chuuya rarely hears him use.

Late May, One Year & Four Months Since the Release of Corruption

Dazai really doesn 't want to make this call, but putting it off won 't make it any easier. Besides, he can suffer through a little discomfort for Chuuya 's sake. It wouldn 't be the first time.

It 's late enough that Chuuya should be alone, The Black Lizards hadn 't played a show today. Dazai is sitting in his office at his desk. He scrolls down in his contacts to

Slug

and hits the call button, trying to fight down the nerves he gets as the phone rings.

Chuuya doesn 't answer until the last ring, and Dazai is almost disappointed that he does pick up.

'What 's up? ' asks Chuuya, slightly muffled. It 's obvious that he had been sleeping.

'Just checking up on my dog, ' says Dazai, voice light and airy.

Chuuya is not impressed by his stalling. 'I 'm hanging up. '

'Do you need me to come out there? ' Dazai forces himself to ask before Chuuya gets off the phone. The question comes out a little strangled.

There is a pause before Chuuya answers, his voice low and very awake now. 'Why would I need you to come out here? '

'We both know what next week is, Chuuya, ' says Dazai. Dazai tries to say it as kindly as he can, tries not to make it an attack.

Just the thought of it makes his chest ache a little. He still vividly remembers the panic he 'd felt last year when he couldn 't find Chuuya, and his recollection of their conversation on the beach is even sharper.

Dazai is willing to do anything to try and remind Chuuya that he 's human, even going against Mori 's orders and putting a wrench in all his own carefully constructed plans. He 'd get on a plane in a heartbeat if Chuuya asked him to.

'I think I know better than you do what it is and what I feel about it, ' says Chuuya sharply.

His anger doesn 't really surprise Dazai, though he had hoped he would react differently. It 's so much harder to do this over the phone. Chuuya still picks up more in his voice than anyone else could, but Dazai wishes he could

see

him, be able to explain himself with more than just his words.

But Chuuya respects one thing, honestly. So Dazai is honest as he says, 'I just want to help. '

Chuuya sighs, and Dazai can picture him running a hand through his hair like he usually does when he 's like this. 'I don 't need help. '

'Don 't lie, ' says Dazai, getting annoyed despite himself. It 's not fair if he 's being honest but Chuuya won 't.

'I 'm not lying, ' says Chuuya, tone going cold. 'I don 't need help and I don 't need you. '

The words hit Dazai like a blow to the gut. He can 't form a response.

'I meant I don 't need you for this, ' says Chuuya after a pause, voice much gentler. 'And I didn 't mean to snap at you, I just ' ' Chuuya trails off.

'It 's fine, ' says Dazai, and now he 's not sure if he 's lying or not. He swallows roughly. 'I 'll let you get back to sleep. '

'It 's because of you, ' says Chuuya quietly. 'I can handle it by myself this year because of 'you already said everything I needed to hear. '

The phone trembles a little in Dazai 's hand. 'Well, you know what they say about the power of repetition. '

'I 'm going to be fine, ' says Chuuya, the words spoken like a promise.

Well, at least one of them will be. 'Okay, ' says Dazai. 'I 'll let you go then. '

'No, ' says Chuuya quickly, surprising him. 'Don 't. I haven 't heard from you in a while. '

Chuuya doesn 't say it like an accusation, but Dazai thinks the guilt might consume him anyway.

Lately Dazai feels like he barely even has the time to think properly. He 's running on fumes. Chuuya would be furious if he knew how little Dazai is eating and sleeping.

The amount of work he 's been given just keeps multiplying. Every success leads to a new project being shoved into his lap. Mori keeps piling it on, smiling all the while. He 's highly complimentary of Dazai 's work in executive meetings as he unloads even more things for Dazai to do.

Dazai isn 't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing him stumble under the pressure. So he takes every new task on with an answering smile, completing it to perfection. He is not going to lose this game, he would rather carve his vocal cords out and never sing again.

In addition to managing Akutagawa, he 's now been given Yumeno Kyusaku to oversee as well. And Q makes Akutagawa look stable and friendly. The child is a literal psychopath. Dazai has to stop himself from losing his temper about their cruel antics almost every time he seem them.

Q is making steady progress, unlike Akutagawa who Dazai still can 't coerce into pushing past his limits no matter what he does.

The only enjoyable parts of Dazai 's days are when he 's at The Lupin with Ango and Odasaku. It 's become a routine for the three of them to meet there at the end of a long day. Sometimes it feels like they can read Dazai 's mind by sending a text suggesting going there when Dazai is ready to scream in frustration at his constant stream of work.

Dazai knows he 's let things with Chuuya slip, but he justifies it by telling himself that his end goal is always Double Black being put back together. He 's also too exhausted to come up with things to say to Chuuya that aren 't

I miss you

and

seventy three days until you get back now.

Bantering with Chuuya is instinctive, but Dazai is sick of having meaningless conversations about nothing. He misses actually

talking

to Chuuya. He really does like Ango and Odasaku, but they don 't know him like Chuuya does. They like Dazai, but they can 't see through all his facades instantly like Chuuya can.

'I 've been slightly busy, ' says Dazai, the words feeling inordinately inadequate for everything he 's dealing with. 'The work of an executive is relentless. '

'Kouyou said you 've taken on another artist, ' says Chuuya, tone hard to understand (this is part of the reason Dazai can 't enjoy these phone calls.)

'Yumeno Kyusaku, ' confirms Dazai. 'Or Q as they intend to go by. '

'What are they like? ' asks Chuuya.

Dazai snorts a little under his breath. He could spend an entire day listing things that were wrong with Q, and he still wouldn 't come close to describing all of them. 'They 're a handful, ' is what he settles on.

'I meant what is their voice like? ' asks Chuuya, tone unreadable again. 'What kind of music is it? '

A knock at Dazai 's door keeps him from answering. Relentless may be too light of a word. Dazai pulls the phone away to call out, 'Enter. '

He bring the phone back up to his ear as he watches one of the members of the marketing staff come in. 'I have to go, ' says Dazai stiffly.

'Oh, ' says Chuuya. It 's one word, but it hangs in the air brutally. 'Alright then. '

Dazai doesn 't get a chance to try and rectify the situation before Chuuya hangs up. He stares at the phone for a moment, debating calling him back. But the man anxiously hovering in the entryway of his office takes precedent.

He just has to be patient. Once Dazai pulls off everything and they 're allowed to play music together again everything will be fine.

Still, the animosity in Chuuya 's voice continues to echo in Dazai 's mind for a long time.

June 18, Nearly One Year & Five Months Since the Release of Corruption

It 's another late night at the office in a series of late nights that have started to make the word late lose all meaning. Dazai isn 't even thinking about his birthday. He 's never cared much to celebrate it anyway. The only one who had made the day worthwhile in the past couple years had been Chuuya, and things with him are decidedly precarious right now.

Dazai is used to constant intrusions at his door, his old feelings of peace and solitude in his office a distance memory. But even he 's a little annoyed at an interruption this close to midnight.

Dazai stalks over to the door, schooling his scowl into a more neutral expression. He isn 't prepared for what 's waiting for him though. It 's a man in a delivery service uniform, rolling a large box on a dolly. He looks even more displeased than Dazai does to be here.

The delivery man doesn 't look up at him as he opens the door, reading off his clipboard instead. 'Package for 'Obama Doozy? '

Dazai actually lets out a genuine laugh, that 's how fatigued and stunned he is. 'That 's me, ' he says, gesturing for the man to come inside.

The man does, barely entering the room before shoving the package off his dolly with probably less care than he 's supposed to. He practically shoves the paperwork in Dazai 's face to get him to sign it.

'Thanks, ' says Dazai brightly to the man as he hands it back. The man gives a stiff nod in return, exiting without another look.

Dazai looks over the tall box, struggling with a bunch of different emotions. It could only be from one person, but Dazai hadn 't expected anything from him.

Chuuya hasn 't been very subtle in making his displeasure with Dazai known these past few weeks. He 'd barely communicated with Dazai at all, even when Dazai had been the one to reach out. It 's been plaguing him for a while now how to make it up to Chuuya.

Dazai grabs a pair of scissors from his desk to reveal what 's inside the box. His breathing comes a little shallower when he does.

It 's a whiskey cabinet, a high-end one too. The dark wood exterior is expertly crafted.

Inside is the cheapest looking whiskey Dazai has ever seen.

Dazai can 't even remember the last day he 'd laughed genuinely more than once. But this manages to make him burst out in slightly uncontrollable laughter.

His phone is in his hand before he even makes a conscious decision to pick it up, fingers dialing the number swiftly. He examines the cabinet more carefully as it rings.

'Mackerel, ' says Chuuya as a greeting, voice infinitely less gruff than it 's been the last times Dazai has talked to him.

'Slug, ' says Dazai, own voice filled with a warmth he doesn 't try to hide. His emotions are too sharp to muster up any kind of concealment, and what 's the point if it wouldn 't fool Chuuya anyway?

'What 's up? ' asks Chuuya breezily.

'I 'm opening your birthday present, ' says Dazai, noticing one bottle that doesn 't look like the others. He pulls it out to examine it.

'Technically it was delivered before your birthday, ' says Chuuya smugly.

Dazai doesn 't know much about whiskey, but the brand looks pricey. But knowing Chuuya, he wouldn 't be satisfied with matching Dazai 's present from a couple months ago, he would be trying to top it (as he somehow always manages to do.) Plus the color of the insides doesn 't really look like whiskey.

Dazai unscrews the top of the bottle to get a closer look, instantly recoiling at the smell. Something about it seems familiar, in the way that you can 't really forget something that gross.

'What did you put in this bottle? ' asks Dazai, uncertain how this is supposed to be a gift.

'Don 't tell me you don 't remember, ' says Chuuya, just a touch mockingly. 'I had it imported for you. I recalled how much you loved it when we had it in Beijing. I wanted you to have only the best alcohol to celebrate your eighteenth birthday. '

Dazai recognizes the stench now as the absolute swill they 'd been served on Chuuya 's birthday practically a lifetime ago. The taste had been so nasty Dazai had to choke it down.

It 's more than just a stupid container of beer. It 's a memory, and a declaration that Chuuya still holds onto all the good times they had in the midst of this conflict.

As much as Dazai appreciates it, it pales in comparison to the simple fact that Chuuya had gotten him anything, that he hasn 't stopped caring even when Dazai has inadvertently given him reasons to. Dazai doesn 't know what he would do if that happened, the thought is impossible to contemplate.

'If you wanted to make me gag from the smell, you achieved your goal, ' says Dazai, a tiny and sincere smile on his face that he 's thankful that no one can see.

'Oi, ' says Chuuya, and Dazai thinks he 's going to complain about him not appreciating his gift, but as always Chuuya can 't be predicted. 'Don 't tell me in your old age that your eye sight is slipping. There 's more. '

Dazai 's smile slips away, looking to find what Chuuya is talking about. He catches sight of a tiny box hidden away behind the other bottles. He grabs it and opens it, even more dumbfounded when it reveals a toothbrush.

It has a button labeled Play Me, so Dazai presses it.

'

It 's a Friday, and it 's been a hell of a week

, ' sings Chuuya 's voice from the tiny speaker. '

Feels like I 've been stuck in a losing streak. '

Dazai has to press the button again and turn it off to stop his eyes from watering. Chuuya obviously heard the music based on his laughter coming through the phone.

Then do it for me, as a birthday present,

Dazai had requested as a naive almost sixteen year old. Chuuya had sang for him that year, unaware of the effect he 'd had on him even then. Then the next year he 'd done it again, enhancing the effect by picking songs that would make Dazai feel blatantly known and unnervingly happy.

If Dazai had been honest with himself (as he so rarely is), he would have admitted that Chuuya singing is what he would have asked for again as a gift this year, regardless of how impossible it would have been.

'I figured some music might help you jog that thickheaded brain of yours to stop running yourself into the ground like a dumbass, ' says Chuuya easily, once again unaware how much it means to Dazai.

I love it

, thinks Dazai to himself,

I love you.

He 's too scraped raw to come up with excuses to dance around those simple and unavoidable facts. It 's funny how every year he thinks he 's finally beaten Chuuya in April with the better gift only to be starkly put in his place in June every time.

'Thank you, ' says Dazai, trying to put how much he means it into the two tiny words.

Chuuya seems to get some of it, based on the way his voice shifts to be more delicate and sincere as he says, 'Happy birthday, Dazai. '

July, One Year, Five and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

'Odasaku, ' whines Dazai. 'Tell Ango to stop bullying me. '

'Not indulging your childish antics is not bullying you, ' protests Ango, typical frown in place.

'Play nice you two, ' says Oda, always the peacekeeper. He 's the second kindest person Dazai has ever met, and that 's only because the first is almost impossible to top.

'I 've got to get going, ' says Ango, looking at his watch. He picks up his glass and downs the rest of it.

'So soon? ' asks Oda. He always likes it best when it 's the three of them.

'I have a meeting with Mori in the morning, ' says Ango, frown more pronounced than usual. 'It wouldn 't do well to disappoint the boss. '

'Goodnight then, ' says Oda, waving his drink at Ango in a goodbye.

'Spit in Mori 's eye for me, will you? ' asks Dazai brightly.

Ango just shakes his head, muttering under his breath as he walks out the door.

Dazai makes a mental note to check up on what Mori is having Ango do when he gets a chance. He 's been losing track of keeping tabs on Mori far too frequently, getting caught up in his own work too much.

'Why do you hate Mori so much? ' asks Oda, giving Dazai a searching look. 'Did he do something to you? '

'Have you met the man? ' asks Dazai, tone flippant. He takes a long sip of his whiskey.

'It seems personal, ' observes Oda. He keeps his voice non-confrontational. He always asks Dazai personal questions the same way, genuinely wanting to know the answers but not pushing him if he doesn 't want to give them.

Dazai doesn 't trust easily, but it 's hard not to trust someone like Odasaku. He 's a genuinely good person, the rare kind that Dazai almost never meets. The kind of person who when he 's not at work

fosters orphans

, and doesn 't even mention it to people. It 's obvious he 's doing it because he wants to, not for any kind of recognition.

'It 's not a big deal, ' Oda had said when Dazai had found out about it after around a month into their friendship. He 'd smiled and shook his head. 'I just help out where I can. I 've got the space, and they 're good kids. '

But Dazai knows that all of their parents had been victims to crimes related to drugs, that Oda is also doing it as some form of penance. Oda is trying to right the wrongs of his past.

Dazai has never respected anyone more. Oda may be a lowly grunt worker in a shipping department for a more than a little corrupt record company, but his dedication and persistence to being an honorable man made him leagues better than anyone else at Port Mafia Records.

Dazai thinks over Oda 's questions, unsure of the last time somehow had questioned his hatred of Mori. Most people just accepted it as fact. He can 't remember Chuuya ever asking him about it.

'He was my manager before he was Port Mafia Records ' CEO, ' says Dazai, voice blank of any emotions. 'I was instrumental in helping him attain his new position. '

'How old were you? ' Oda looks offended on his behalf, which is nice.

'Fourteen, ' answers Dazai with a shrug. 'I wasn 't aware of what I was signing up for when I agreed to be one of Mori 's clients. '

'How does a fourteen year old kid factor in to the transition from one CEO to another? ' asks Oda, a mixture of confused and angry.

'I didn 't really have to do anything, ' says Dazai, trying not to frown at the unpleasant memories. 'I was mostly just a necessary witness."

Oda 's expression darkens. 'There are rumors the old boss had to step down due to an unstable mental state. '

Dazai can 't help the wry smile from coming onto his face. Now that it 's been this many years, he 's far enough removed to recognize the brilliance of Mori pretending to negotiate a recording contract for Dazai while really working to document the previous boss 's psychiatric problems.

He 's still not entirely sure how Mori had wormed his way into the vacant position after the fact, but by then he 'd known that it was probably not worth looking into all that closely. His opinion of Mori as a vile creature had been cemented.

Dazai hadn 't been in a great place at fourteen, and he hadn 't exactly liked Mori when he 'd let him be his manager. But he had been under the ignorant impression that Mori had been serious when he 'd said he was going to get Dazai signed by a label. He had been slightly eager for the opportunity.

When he 'd discovered how he had been duped, he 'd drastically changed his mind about his desire to record music. He wasn 't going to let Mori use him as a pawn like that. But he also hadn 't been interested in going back to living with his parents.

So Dazai had become Mori 's apprentice of sorts, quickly picking up on the ins and outs of the music business. It had kept him occupied for a while until a tiny redhead with a transcendent voice had made him reconsider.

'Mori 's never really done anything to me personally, ' says Dazai, because hurting a teenager 's feelings really has no weight compared to all the nasty things Mori has been behind. 'He 's just

rotten

, he always somehow finds a way to poison everything he touches. '

'Then why do you work for him? ' asks Oda, eyes narrowed in confusion.

'It 's interesting, ' says Dazai, smirking slightly. 'I don 't regret choosing to work for PMR, if that 's what you 're thinking. ' As much as PMR has taken from him, it 's given him things in return. Two redheads in particular.

'There are other record companies, ' says Oda, still a little disgruntled. 'You could work for one of them.

Dazai just smiles and finishes off his glass of whiskey. 'I 'm not going anywhere. And you also work for them too, ' he points out.

'I have limited options, ' says Oda, frowning. It 's not a typical look for him.

'Let 's get another round, ' suggests Dazai, trying to lighten the mood. He flashes two fingers at the bartender, who moves to get them a refill.

Dazai holds out his glass with a flourish, and the bartender smiles a bit, used to his antics. But Dazai 's amusement lessons a little when some of the liquid misses the glass and gets his bandages wet.

'Gross, ' he says with a pout, trying to wipe it off as much as he can on his suit jacket.

'Why do you wear those bandages? '

Dazai 's eyes widen at the question, looking up to see Oda looking back at him with a serious expression, though it 's not aggressive.

The question shouldn 't be that surprising. As opposed to being asked about why he hates Mori, he 's been asked about the bandages constantly. The press had asked him over and over again during the Double Black tour, but Dazai had always had a cheery way to distract them, or Chuuya had forcefully intervened to get them to back off.

Dazai had never entertained answering the question. But right now, when the man who 's been nothing but a steadfast friend to Dazai these past horrible few months, he finds himself considering it.

It 's not even that special of a story. He 'd simply tried to kill himself when he was ten years old, and he hadn 't been very imaginative so he 'd tried to do it by cutting open his arms in horizontal lines from his wrists to halfway between his elbows and his shoulders. Instead, all he 'd gotten was a lot of pain and a bunch of jagged scars (he hadn 't been very steady with his cuts.)

He 'd woken up in the hospital with bandages wrapped around the cuts, and the very disappointed faces of his parents. They 'd never been particularly nurturing, but even they had to intervene when their child had tried to kill themselves.

Dazai had been sent to the best shrink money could afford, and eventually come to the conclusion that he didn 't actually want to die. He just wanted to find something that could help fill the emptiness he felt.

Music had turned out to be the most effective way to do that.

Dazai had taken to music almost instinctively, turning the chords on the page into sound with ease. His parents had jumped on the idea, shoving him into music lessons fervently. After Dazai no longer had the urge to take his life, they had considered their part in the matter finished and went back to keeping their distance. Although they no longer required Dazai to come to society events with them, apparently having a formerly suicidal child was a big social faux pas.

Dazai had worn the bandages while his arms had healed. Then when it had come time to take them off, he couldn 't stand the looks he got when people saw his scars. Dazai hates nothing more in this world than pity.

So he 'd simply put them back on, despite no longer having a medical need for them. His ten year old self also hadn 't liked the way how people (correctly) assumed he was covering up scars on his arms, so he 'd started doing his whole body to throw them off. His parents hadn 't stopped him, they were just glad he wasn 't doing anything worse.

Over time it had just become part of his routine to wrap himself up in bandages. He 's fairly far removed from the apathy he 'd felt towards life when he was ten, but he still doesn 't enjoy the idea of the physical evidence of those moments of his life being on display for others. He doesn 't care if people think he 's odd for wearing them, he 'd rather have that then people looking at him with

pity.

Plus they help him keep warm. He 's always run slightly colder than most.

He can 't bring himself to tell Oda this though. Not because he doesn 't trust him enough, the thing holding him back is Chuuya. It doesn 't feel right to tell somebody else before he gets the chance to tell him. Dazai would have told him if he 'd ever asked even before he 'd left for tour, but Chuuya never pushed Dazai. It 's as endearing as it is frustrating. Dazai never knows how to be the one to bring it up himself.

Ever since his birthday he 's been less worried about how infrequently he and Chuuya talk. Dazai knows that Chuuya won 't give up on him. It 's been a small comfort with how almost everything else in his life is atrocious right now.

Dazai certainly can 't tell Chuuya something like why he wear his bandages over the phone. So he 's where he 's been since February, counting down the days until he 'll be back in L.A.

Oda speaks up before he comes up with a way to say any of that. 'Never mind. Here, let me get you a napkin. '

'Thanks, Odasaku, ' says Dazai, accepting the cheap bar napkin with a huge grin.

August, One Year, Six Months and One Week Since the Release of Corruption

The longer Chuuya sits waiting in Dazai 's apartment, the more anxious he gets.

Chuuya had genuinely enjoyed touring with The Black Lizards. He loves being on stage no matter the context. Playing music always puts him in a good mood, and he 'd ended up growing really close with the band. He doesn 't regret being assigned to play with them. It

had

helped him grow as a musician, even if it hadn 't been his choice.

But during the last couple months the ever-growing space between him and Dazai had started to chip away at his satisfaction with the tour.

Chuuya knows he 's outrageously busy. Kouyou had said so when he 'd made brief comments about how Dazai had been barely speaking to him. She 'd sounded concerned about him, saying that he always looked like he was in the middle of a dangerous scheme that was teetering on the edge of a knife.

Dazai has always been cunning and in the middle of a bunch of plans, but Chuuya has never been this in the dark on what those plans are. He doesn 't understand why Dazai is pushing himself to the brink, what his objective is. He knows that he can 't really care that much about the careers of Yumeno Kyusaku and Ryuunosuke Akutagawa.

Dazai has never been ambitious. He wouldn 't do all this to advance his career. He doesn 't care about PMR as a company, he 's only ever been interested in how it lets him be involved in music.

Chuuya greatly cares for and respects his bandmates in The Black Lizards. But frankly, he 's done his part and he 's ready to get back to making music with substance again. And he needs Dazai to do that. He 's not interested in writing music without him. He 'd tried to do that this past year, and it just hadn 't been the same.

He 's fairly convinced that if he and Dazai work together they can get Mori to agree to allow them to release another album. Mori isn 't unreasonable. With Dazai 's genius and Chuuya 's favor with the boss, it shouldn 't be impossible. Even if it isn 't possible immediately at least Chuuya won 't be stuck wondering or caught in another band that no matter how much fun it had been had also been restricting.

After The Black Lizards had finished playing their last show, Chuuya had been too restless to wait any longer. He 'd taken the first available plane back to L.A. and turned off his phone to avoid being scolded for it.

In all of his grand plans, he had expected Dazai to be home when he showed up.

Chuuya had flung open the door to his apartment with the key he still had only to be greeted with darkness. His mood had slipped, but he 'd tried not to get too upset. He hadn 't exactly warned Dazai he was coming.

But it 's been a couple hours now, and Dazai is still nowhere to be seen. Chuuya 's lying on the couch in Dazai 's living room, and he 's such a minimalist Chuuya is running out out things to do to keep himself occupied. He 's starting to wonder if he should go into the office to try and track him down. Or he could turn his phone back on and risk getting yelled at by Hirotsu.

Voices outside the apartment keep him from taking either option. Chuuya 's chest squeezes slightly when he recognizes one of them as Dazai 's. He sits up, smile already on his face.

'You should get some sleep, ' says a deep voice that Chuuya hasn 't heard before. 'And drink some water. '

'I 'm fine, Odasaku, ' says Dazai, but Chuuya can hear the fondness in his voice. 'Really, you 're such a worrywart. You didn 't have to walk me home. '

'You were stumbling when we left the bar, ' says the other man. He doesn 't sound annoyed about helping Dazai, if anything he seems amused.

'I 've always been clumsy, ' says Dazai, flippant tone jarringly familiar.

'Goodnight Dazai. ' The voices are right outside the door now, louder than before.

'Night Odasaku! ' calls out Dazai. Chuuya hears his keys twisting in the lock. The door flings open with Dazai 's usual carelessness, hitting the wall with the force.

Chuuya stands up for some reason. His hands are clenched tightly at his sides. All of his plans of what he were going to say are slipping away, too caught up in the conversation he 'd just witnessed. It 's shifting Chuuya 's perception of the situation, his anticipation souring into something darker.

Dazai appears in the doorway, dressed in his usual suit. His hair is slightly longer than he 'd used to wear it, bangs hanging in his face. He 'd clearly grown a bit too, now slightly towering over Chuuya. His dark eyes are a bit less focused than Chuuya is used to seeing them.

Even with all of the negative thoughts and insecurities running through Chuuya 's mind, the sight of him still makes his pulse spike.

It takes Dazai a split second to notice him, then his face breaks into a humongous smile.

'You 're here, ' says Dazai, slightly breathless.

'I caught an early flight, ' says Chuuya hollowly, noting Dazai 's flushed cheeks and lazy stance. 'You 're drunk. '

'You 're here, ' repeats Dazai, not making a move from his spot in the doorway.

Chuuya has been angry at Dazai many times before, but this isn 't exactly anger. He had been under the impression that Dazai had been isolating himself from everyone, not singling Chuuya out. But that clearly wasn 't the fucking case.

In all of their arguments, even when they were fifteen and genuinely couldn 't stand each other, Dazai 's actions had never hurt Chuuya. They had been annoying, but never wounding. But the fact that Chuuya is the only one that Dazai is cutting off feels like Dazai has just viciously stabbed him in the back.

It 's almost like a betrayal.

But possibly the worst part is how open and genuine he 'd sounded with the man who must have been Oda Sakunosuke. It aches that Dazai 's known the guy a couple months and is so effortlessly himself with him. It had taken Chuuya

years

to see Dazai like that.

He 'd never really minded that he didn 't mean to Dazai what Dazai meant to him, but he 'd thought he at least meant

something.

'Get some sleep, mackerel, ' says Chuuya, trying to keep his voice normal. He goes to squeeze past Dazai to leave the apartment, berating himself for being so stupid and coming home early for this.

Then Dazai 's arms trap him from behind, keeping him from going anywhere. Dazai leans his head on Chuuya 's shoulder. 'How am I supposed to sleep without Chuuya? '

The emotion and sincerity of the single sentence makes Chuuya pause, still hurting but unable to deny that Dazai clearly doesn 't feel nothing towards him.

Chuuya isn 't ready to let this behavior go unanswered, but he needs Dazai sober to be able to really talk to him. It 's also hard for Chuuya to stay mad when Dazai is wrapped around him like this, the person he 'd longed for every day for the past six months.

Chuuya had missed him so much. He would never sing again if it meant he 'd never have to go through that again. Being away hadn 't dulled any of his feelings, if anything they 'd grown. It 's why Dazai 's silence had made him so unsettled. His emotions are so volatile right now because he 's so terrified of losing him.

Chuuya takes a deep breath, leaning into Dazai 's embrace. 'Idiot, ' he says quietly. 'You 've been sleeping without me for months. '

'You 're here, ' says Dazai again, though it 's slightly muffled as he speaks the words mostly into Chuuya 's shoulder. He lifts his head then, sounding slightly confused. 'Did you get shorter? '

'No, asshole, you got taller, ' says Chuuya, laughing a little despite himself. 'Fine, I 'll stay here. '

The happy noise Dazai lets out helps to thaw Chuuya 's doubts even more. Although Chuuya does have to stop him from hanging off him like this, they 're still in the doorway with the door wide open.

Dazai grumbles as Chuuya pushes him away but he does move fully inside, leaning against the wall. Chuuya shuts the door and locks it. He looks away to find Dazai looking at him forlornly enough that it makes Chuuya nervous.

'I don 't have any tea, ' says Dazai, voice pitifully sad.

Chuuya snorts, rubbing a hand against his eyes. He 's never dealt with a drunk Dazai before. This had not been how he had been expecting tonight to go.

'It 's fine, ' Chuuya reassures him, somewhere between amused and annoyed. 'I don 't need any. I 'd rather just go to sleep. I 'm exhausted. '

'Okay, ' says Dazai, though he still sounds displeased.

He leads the way in the apartment, and he 's at least sober enough to walk steadily now. Chuuya follows behind, mind too fried to think too hard about anything. He had played a concert and then taken a plane before getting here. He 'll try to sort out this mess in the morning.

Dazai leaves the lights off in the bedroom when they get there, moving through the dark with ease. Not that there 's much for him to trip over, the place is spotless and has barely anything in it.

Chuuya takes a seat on the bed, pulling out his phone. He 'll deal with that in the morning too. He sets it on Dazai 's bedside table. Dazai quickly changes out of his suit and into sweats in the background.

Chuuya stands up as Dazai approach the bed. They both get in, Dazai instantly moving to slide next to Chuuya, his arm encircling his waste tightly.

'I need to fucking breathe, ' whispers Chuuya, twisting a little so that they 're pressed together more comfortably. Dazai hums and loosens his grip a little, but it 's still fairly secure.

Chuuya lies there and tries to let go of all the tension he 's carying. Dazai 's breathing deepens quickly, falling asleep easily. It takes Chuuya much longer before he 's able to calm down enough to sleep too.

Dazai wakes up to the sight of Chuuya in his bed, sleeping with one arm wrapped around a pillow and the other covering his face. His throat catches. For a second, he thinks he 's still dreaming. But even his imagination isn 't good enough to conjure up this. Not to mention his mouth has that after whiskey taste that he wouldn 't bring into a dream.

Six months looks devastatingly good on Chuuya. He 's as short as ever, but his face has matured, shoulders broadening. It takes a lot of effort to look at him and not lie back down and pull him close.

But Dazai had planned for Chuuya arriving this afternoon and had stacked his morning so he would be free then.

It 's a little ironic that the fact he 'd drunk as much as he had last night was because his mind wouldn 't shut up about how much he was anticipating today.

Dazai is both annoyed and impressed with his formerly inebriated self. He would have rather had all of his wits about him when seeing Chuuya again for the first time, but he doubts he would have had the courage while sober to demand he stay here.

Seeing Chuuya is like a blast of motivation after he 'd been starting to run out of steam. It 's a reminder of everything he 's working towards. He 'd always known it 'd be worth it, but the physical proof eases a strain on his heart that had been growing.

Dazai sits up in bed, stretching a bit. He quickly reaches over to the side-table and takes the toothbrush that 's sitting on top of it and shoves it into a drawer. He prays that Chuuya hadn 't been able to see that in the dark last night. A revelation like that feels like it would cross some unspoken line.

He picks up his phone, already full of emails and notifications this early in the morning. Although Odasaku had also texted him checking on him. He sends him a message letting him know he 's fine, the man treats Dazai like one of the kids he 's fostering sometimes.

Dazai gets out of bed, trying not to wake up Chuuya. He 's still in a little bit of disbelief that Chuuya had come straight here after his last concert and came to see Dazai. Dazai will have to think of a way to show him how much he appreciates it.

He goes to the bathroom and takes a quick shower, dressing in a fresh suit. Dazai comes back into his bedroom to see Chuuya sitting up in bed, looking out the window at the L.A. skyline, a small smile on his face.

(It 's an incredibly dangerous sight, Dazai wants it to be something he sees regularly a frightening amount.)

Chuuya 's smile slips away as he turns to look at him. His expression is more tumultuous than Dazai would expect from someone who just woke up.

'Where are you going? ' asks Chuuya. His voice is harsh, and not just from sleeping.

'Work, ' says Dazai, raising an eyebrow, Chuuya 's distress slightly puzzling. Dazai literally hadn 't even said a word to him this morning that could have made him upset.

'We have things to discuss, mackerel, ' says Chuuya, crossing his arms.

'Can we discuss them later? ' asks Dazai, moving over to the bedside table to pick up his phone.

'What 's so important at work that you can 't spare a fucking minute? ' asks Chuuya, now sounding even angrier.

Dazai sighs, he has a million things he has to do this morning. He had not allotted time to have a blowout fight with Chuuya, which this display has the inklings of.

'Can 't you be a good little dog and wait for your master to come home? ' asks Dazai, snapping a little. He 's been looking forward to Chuuya being home somewhat obsessively, and Chuuya couldn 't even wait a day before picking a fight with him.

Chuuya doesn 't snap back like he expects him to though. He just gives Dazai a long look, face hard to read. It makes Dazai even more irritable.

'I have to go, ' says Dazai, making his voice blank so he doesn 't starting yelling at Chuuya. Dazai hadn 't yelled at anyone in the six months he 'd been gone. In all his longing he 'd forgotten how Chuuya is also the only one capable of pulling out his uglier side like this.

'I guess your priorities are clear, ' says Chuuya in a voice Dazai has never heard from him before. His expression is unfamiliar too, eyes boring into Dazai with his mouth set firmly.

Dazai sighs again. 'Look, I 'll see you later slug. We can talk then. '

Chuuya doesn 't answer, and Dazai leaves the room trying to fight off a scowl.

October, One Year, Eight and a Half Months Since the Release of Corruption

Dazai doesn 't think anything of it when he gets the news. He hears about it in passing at work, that the head of PMR 's Southeast Asian division was in a terrible car accident and didn 't make it. It 's the type of office gossip that doesn 't register as worth paying attention to. He 'd never met Arthur Rimbaud or worked with him. He thinks it 's probably not great for PMR, but that 's about it.

Dazai is too busy putting the finishing touches on the proposal for Akutagawa 's solo album. After nearly a year of painstaking work, it 's finally coming to fruition. All those hours Dazai had listened to the other boy do scales and butcher the entire PMR discography are at long last paying off.

The sooner he can get it started the better. Dazai is more impatient than ever to get things back to the way they used to be.

Even though Chuuya is back in L.A, Dazai still barely sees him. It 's exasperating.

Chuuya is around. He catches him coming out of Kouyou 's office once in a while. He and The Black Lizards aren 't in a rush to start writing their next album, but Chuuya spends a lot of time with them just hanging out. Chuuya has taken up his piano lessons with Elise again too.

It 's exactly what Chuuya had been doing before he left for tour. But it feels different somehow. Dazai can 't put his finger on it.

He 'd thought it might have had something to do with their argument he cut short back in August when Chuuya had first gotten back. He 'd tried to bring it up to Chuuya after, but Chuuya had shut him down, saying it wasn 't important. And when Dazai had pushed Chuuya had just gotten angry. So he 'd backed off.

There seems to be an undercurrent in their conversations now that Dazai doesn 't understand. Chuuya still insults him and acts like nothing has changed in the brief moments they do talk, but it 's like there 's an invisible barrier in place.

Dazai wants to tear that barrier down, so he 's become a bit fixated on making this proposal perfect.

He 's at the office later than night when he gets a call from Tachihara, which is strange. Dazai doesn 't think Tachihara has ever called him before. He 'd thought he 'd unknowingly made an enemy of him for life with a harmless prank when he was sixteen.

Dazai doesn 't answer even if he is slightly intrigued. He 's getting close to finishing the proposal.

It 's when Tachihara calls him for the third time that Dazai answers.

'What? ' asks Dazai as a greeting, displeasure very evident.

'I need your help. I don 't know what to do, ' says Tachihara, sounding distressed. Dazai is about to tell him to shove it when Tachihara adds, 'It 's Chuuya. '

'Where are you? ' asks Dazai immediately, tone deadly serious.

He hurries to the location Tachihara gives him, entering the bar with a great deal of unease. He sees why Tachihara had sounded so rattled right away.

Chuuya is standing on top of one of the tables, a bottle of wine in one hand that he 's drinking straight from. His hair is wildly messy and he 's wearing his shirt unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up. The rest of his suit is tossed onto the floor along with his shoes. The hand that isn 't holding the wine is clutching Chuuya 's hat to his chest.

'This one, ' Chuuya calls out loudly, more intoxicated than Dazai had ever seen him, 'is for Arthur fucking Rimbaud. One of the greatest men I 've ever met. ' He raises the bottle of wine before taking a long drink. 'A car took his life, while it refused to do the same to me. Because the world is a fucking nightmare that refuses to kill the things who truly deserve it. '

At that, Dazai rushes forward from the frozen position he hadn 't noticed he was in. He thankfully notes that they 're the only people in the bar, which he suspects is due to Tachihara 's intervention.

He ignores Tachihara 's attempts at talking to him in favor of approaching Chuuya. Chuuya doesn 't notice him until he 's right in front of him.

'Osamu, ' he greets him, happy voice not matching the dead look in his eyes. 'Have you come to toast with us? Mich, get us another bottle! '

'Chuuya, ' says Dazai sharply. He 's furious about him using his name like that, but his concern outweighs that. 'Stop making a fool of yourself and get down from there. '

'What are you going to do if I don 't? ' Chuuya leans down, above Dazai for once. He smiles with all his teeth. He seems to thrum with a violent energy, ready to snap.

Dazai snatches the bottle out of his hand and shoves it at Tachihara, who at least has the wits to hold onto it.

Chuuya lets out a cry, which gets louder as Dazai yanks on his leg so he falls forward off the table. Dazai stops him from crashing into the ground, wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him up. Chuuya struggles to get out of the hold, but Dazai doesn 't budge.

He looks over at Tachihara. 'Pay the tab, ' he directs. 'Gather up his clothes and shoes. I 've got this. ' He doesn 't bother to see if Tachihara agrees or not before starting to drag Chuuya out of the bar.

The walk to Chuuya 's dorm is a constant battle with Chuuya fighting and insulting him the entire way. Dazai barely holds his temper in check as he tolerates petty taunts and Chuuya trying to kick him in the shins. He throws up for the first time just outside the dorm building, and after that he finally starts to protest less.

Dazai sets Chuuya on the ground in the kitchen once they get inside, walking to Chuuya 's bedroom to get him new clothes. He regrets his choice when he comes back to see Chuuya trying to open another bottle of wine.

Dazai tries to take it from him, and they struggle for a moment before Chuuya starts throwing up again all over both of them in what is possibly the most disgusting moment of Dazai 's life. It gets worse when in his shock Dazai drops the wine, the bottle breaking and spilling out onto the floor and their feet.

Dazai tries to deal with the mess on the floor while Chuuya leans over the sink. He seems to loose steam as he empties his stomach a third time, coughing and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

Chuuya doesn 't resist this time when Dazai sets him on the ground. He stays quiet as Dazai hands him a glass of water. He looks at it blankly instead of drinking it.

Dazai goes to run water in the sink to try and rinse the puke down. The smell is driving him insane, but it 'll be hard to get rid of seeing as they 're both covered in vomit now.

Chuuya is still staring at his water as Dazai sits down across from him, letting out a quiet sigh. Now that he 's handled the basic tasks the alarm is settling in. He has no idea why this death has set Chuuya off like this. Dazai is struggling to keep his own panic at bay, knowing that it won 't help Chuuya right now.

Then something more disturbing than all the vomit happens, Chuuya starts

crying

. He doesn 't make a sound, but his body trembles as the tears stream down his face. The water in the glass he 's still holding sloshes back and forth with it.

Dazai has never seen Chuuya cry. Not once. Not about The Sheep, not after any of his nightmares, not about his past, not on the ten year anniversary of the accident, never. He 's seen him scream and shout over how much he 's hurting, he 's seen him be quiet for hours on end in his misery, but his eyes had never so much had watered.

Dazai feels like he 's the one that 's going to be sick. He feels helpless, not prepared for what to do. He can 't come up with anything to say.

'This is so fucking stupid, ' says Chuuya, voice wobbling, and it sounds so

wrong

on him. Chuuya has always been as tough as steel, never wavering. 'I only met him once. I don 't even-. ' Chuuya cuts off to sob audibly. 'Why does this always fucking happen? '

Dazai would rather have Chuuya throw up on him one million times. He takes a slow breath, shifts to focusing on what he has the ability to change. He pries the glass of water out of Chuuya 's hand gently and sets it off to the side. He stands up, grabbing Chuuya 's hand to pull him to his feet.

'Let 's get you cleaned up, ' says Dazai, brushing dirty red hair out of Chuuya 's face with his other hand. Chuuya nods, crying silently again.

Chuuya stumbles a little on the way to the bathroom, but Dazai keeps him upright with his grip on his hand. It 's so tight it 's probably painful, but Chuuya squeezes back just as hard. Dazai turns the faucet on, the sound of running water deafening in the small room.

Chuuya strips off his shirt next to him. He uses it as a towel to mop up leftover spit and bile. Then he throws it in the bathroom trash can. He takes off his pants but leaves on his underwear as he climbs into the tub, sitting cross-legged and facing Dazai.

Dazai considers for a moment, then shucks off his clothes and bandages and gets in with his underwear on too. His skin stings a little from how quickly he pulls the bandages off, he 's usually much slower and gentler.

He tries to shove down his self-consciousness about his scars being on display. It seems deeply irrelevant compared to his desire to help Chuuya. The water sloshes over the sides as he sits down in front of Chuuya, but neither of them do anything about it.

Dazai thinks Chuuya has stopped crying as Dazai washes his hair, but the water running over his face makes it hard to tell. He hadn 't even realized he was humming until Chuuya comments on it.

'What song is that? ' he asks, voice hoarse. Kouyou would be livid if she found out he was 'abusing his instrument. ' His eyes look slightly more alive than when he 'd seen him in the bar, but there 's still far too much apathy in his gaze.

'Don 't know, ' says Dazai, still running his hands through Chuuya 's hair despite it being clean now. He should probably be disgusted to be sitting in Chuuya 's puke water but he can 't find it in himself to care. 'Made it up. '

'A Dazai original, ' says Chuuya. He smiles just slightly, and Dazai isn 't sure why that makes him feel almost as terrible as when he was crying. 'I like it. '

'

Oh, songs of sky and ocean

, ' sings Dazai softly instead of answering. '

I think I know the very essence of beauty. These waves a chorus upon the shore

. '

'Sounds nice in your voice, ' murmurs Chuuya. He closes his eyes and leans his head forward until it 's resting on Dazai 's left shoulder. Dazai keeps singing the rest of the verse, his voice low and quiet, one hand stroking up and down Chuuya 's back gently while the other is buried in his hair like an anchor.

He doesn 't stop when he feels water against his skin coming from Chuuya, or when he reaches the end of the song, switching to something else. Dazai doesn 't put much thought into the music, just keeps picking things he thinks Chuuya would like, artists he 's mentioned, posters he 's seen on his wall. He keeps singing long after the water has gone cold and their skin is pruned.

Eventually Chuuya pulls away and Dazai stops his endless stream of songs. His throat sort of hurts, but Chuuya 's probably does too from all the puking. Chuuya rubs a hand over his eyes roughly. When he looks at Dazai it finally feels like he 's looking at the boy he knows again, blue eyes exhausted but at least there 's something in them.

'Stand up, ' says Chuuya, using the side of the tub to get to his feet. His voice is still strained. He doesn 't wobble at all as he moves though. 'Let 's drain this nasty water. '

Dazai gets up and they 're both quiet as they let the bath empty. Chuuya reaches behind Dazai to turn on the showerhead, and the cold water makes him shiver. He gets goosebumps on his limbs as they both use Chuuya 's body wash to quickly scrub themselves clean.

Chuuya gets out of the shower first, leaving Dazai behind standing in the icy water. Dazai lets it run over him for a few moments longer, taking a couple deep breaths. He has no idea what time it is, it feels like it 's been hours since he went to pick up Chuuya, but in reality it might have been much shorter. But stalling isn 't going to make things any better.

He turns off the water and steps onto the towel Chuuya had thrown onto the bathroom floor. There 's puddles all over because they hadn 't pulled the shower curtain closed. Chuuya had left another towel sitting on the sink for Dazai. He uses it to dry himself off, underwear uncomfortably sticking to his legs now.

He debates what to do about it when Chuuya comes back into the room, holding a new pair, sweatpants, and a grey t-shirt. He shoves them into Dazai 's chest. He 's put on fresh clothes himself, toweling off his wet hair before throwing that towel into the wet mess on the floor.

Chuuya leaves the room again and Dazai quickly changes. He expects the clothes to be too small, but they fit him just fine. The pants are almost too long. Clearly Chuuya hadn 't bought them for himself. He fights down the thought to go find Chuuya.

Dazai leaves the bathroom and starts to go towards the bedroom before hearing noises coming from the kitchen. He changes course and finds Chuuya making two cups of tea. He must have stood under the water longer than he thought to give Chuuya the time to boil the water.

Chuuya pushes one of the mugs towards him and grabs the other for himself, taking a large sip of the boiling hot tea immediately.

Dazai has no interest in drinking it, but he holds onto the other mug to warm his hands at least. He waits for Chuuya to be the one to say something. He doesn 't want to push him to talk if he doesn 't want to.

'Arthur did that too, you know, ' says Chuuya eventually, a pained smile on his face. 'Used tea as a hand warmer. '

'I remember you met with him during Kouyou 's tour, ' says Dazai, setting down his untouched mug. He leans against the counter, keeping his eyes on Chuuya. 'I wasn 't aware you had kept in touch though, or that you were so close. '

Chuuya takes another long sip of his tea. 'We only met in person the one time. ' Chuuya talks into his mug rather than looking at Dazai. 'He arranged the meeting. He knew my mom. '

Dazai bites his lip to keep from frowning. He 's angry with himself for not even noticing Chuuya 's connection with the other man. If Tachihara hadn 't called him he never would have even known.

'He knew what had happened to me, ' says Chuuya, choosing his words carefully. 'He 'he told me not to let my mom 's problems ruin my own life. He encouraged me to be my own person, to not let my past define me. He told me my father was dead. '

'Did you know that? ' Dazai tries to take all this new information in calmly. It 's a little hard though.

Chuuya ignores the question. 'I was a dick to him. I insulted him, told him to fuck off. He didn 't seem to mind. He just wanted me to be happy. '

Dazai stays quiet, knowing Chuuya isn 't finished talking. He 's not sure if it 's better or worse that Chuuya won 't look directly at him.

'But then last year in May, he reached out on the anniversary of what had happened and we slowly started talking, ' says Chuuya, voice a little less steady now. 'I talked to him a lot when I was on tour this year. He was always pretty quiet, but he was also supportive. I ', ' Chuuya trails off, clearing his throat.

'I loved him, ' says Chuuya, voice much quieter. 'I loved him, and he 's dead. It 's stupid to think that it 's connected to me. That every time I get close to someone, something always happens to ruin it. I didn 't even know him that well, I 'm sure others are mourning his death who were much closer to him. '

'It 's not your fault, ' says Dazai anyway. Chuuya rolls his eyes, but his shoulders seem slightly less rigid, so Dazai counts it as a win.

'He 'd hate this shit show. ' Chuuya drains the rest of his tea and sets the mug on the counter roughly. He leans against the counter next to Dazai, just far enough away they don 't touch.

'I think he 'd give you a free pass. ' Dazai looks down at him, sees his eyes closed in either thought or exhaustion. He makes them open by leaning over and nudging their shoulders together.

'I swear you 're like fifty different fucking people in one body, ' says Chuuya, snorting slightly. He shoves Dazai away and stands up fully. His eyes widen as he properly looks at Dazai. 'You 're not wearing your bandages. '

'Your powers of observation never cease to amaze me, chibi. ' Dazai resists the urge to cover his arms, feeling more naked now than he had in the bath. Chuuya 's gaze doesn 't linger long though, his eyes deliberately pointed elsewhere.

'Oh, fuck off, I 'm not even fully sober, ' says Chuuya, moving to open the drawer next to the sink. He rummages through it then picks out something and throws it at Dazai.

Dazai catches the roll of bandages against his chest. He almost drops them when he realizes it 's the brand that he normally uses.

His hands tremble a little. Anyone else would have asked, anyone else would have more than glanced at the scars running down his arms. But not Chuuya, who even in the depths of grief still treats Dazai with such terrible gentleness and kindness.

'I 'm going to sleep. Or I 'm going to try to anyway, ' says Chuuya, before he can say anything about it. Chuuya doesn 't wait for him to answer before walking towards the bedroom.

Dazai takes the roll of bandages and goes into the bathroom. He avoids looking at the mess they 've left, quickly taking off his clothes so he can wrap himself up. The motions are easy after enough practice, but he rushes through them. Once he 's done he goes back to the kitchen and puts the roll back in the drawer it came from.

He approaches the bedroom hesitantly, unsure of what Chuuya wants. It 's dark in the room, but Chuuya 's breathing indicates he 's still awake. He stays quiet as Dazai moves towards the bed. But then he shifts over a little, making just a tiny amount of room on the twin bed and Dazai gets his answer.

Dazai climbs into the bed that 's much too small for two people carefully, arranging himself around Chuuya as delicately as he can. He puts his left leg and arm over the smaller boy 's body, squishing them together. Chuuya grunts a little but adjusts so it 's somewhat comfortable. Chuuya turns slightly away from him, and Dazai ends up facing the back of his neck on the pillow.

Sleeping next to Chuuya always feels familiar despite how infrequently he gets to do it. It 's warmer than usual right now with how tightly they have to be pressed together to fit on the bed. Dazai is too exhausted after everything tonight to stay awake for long, slipping into sleep almost immediately after he closes his eyes

When Dazai wakes up, he 's surprised the bed is empty. He can count on one hand the number of time 's Chuuya has gotten up before him. Dazai has always been a light sleeper, and could manage on hours here and there if he had too.

The clothes Chuuya slept in are laying on the floor in a pile, which means he had been up for a while. Dazai gets out of bed, walking into the living room. He finds Chuuya standing near a suitcase, dressed in casual clothes, holding his hat in his hands.

'I 'm going to Japan, ' announces Chuuya as soon as Dazai walks in the room.

'Now? ' asks Dazai, caught off guard by the sudden decision.

'Yes, now, ' says Chuuya. He seems agitated. 'I 'm going to pay my respects or whatever. '

'And you cleared this with Mori? ' Chuuya usually isn 't someone who goes against orders.

'Yeah, I don 't really give a shit what Mori thinks, ' says Chuuya, something close to a sneer on his face.

Under different circumstances, hearing those words come out of Chuuya 's mouth would be like a fantasy (in fact, he 's actually had several that start out that way), but right now they 're attached to too many unpleasant emotions to be satisfying.

The invitation is clear without him having to say anything, it 's written all over Chuuya 's face,

come with me.

Dazai wishes that he could. But he can 't, not when he 's so close to finally putting the pieces in place to lead to the return of Double Black.

He 's never broached the subject with Chuuya before. Dazai has his reasons for not bringing it up. Chuuya didn 't need to know, he had no power over the outcome. Mori would be more suspicious if Chuuya started acting strangely.

But those are all paltry excuses he uses to hide the real reason. The truth is that he can 't forget the look on Chuuya 's face when he 'd accused him of not caring about them being split up last September. Dazai wants to be the one responsible for them being allowed to record together again, to prove to Chuuya how much their partnership means to him.

He can 't sacrifice all the progress he 's made now when the end goal is so close. Dazai could either have a couple days helping out Chuuya if he went off to Japan with him now, or if he 's a little more patient he can really be with Chuuya for weeks, months, even longer.

Dazai is still trying to figure out how to phrase any of that, so he says as a way to stall, 'Well, have some mitarashi dango for me. '

He isn 't prepared for the way Chuuya recoils at the words, for the absolutely enraged look he gives him after he gets over his surprise.

'Are you fucking kidding me? ' Chuuya demands, practically spitting the words.

'Chuuya, wait, ' says Dazai, trying to keep his voice calm. It 's hard when he feels this level of panic. 'Just let me explain. '

'You 're unbelievable, ' says Chuuya, and the hostility in the words stuns Dazai.

He 's barely started to recover when Chuuya grabs his suitcase and makes for the door, his expression deadly furious.

'Wait, ' says Dazai again, except this time it 's not calm at all. He 's practically begging. 'Please. Just let me-. '

'Fuck you, ' says Chuuya, cutting him off loudly, eyes burning with rage. He opens the door and storms out so quickly Dazai doesn 't get a chance to say anything else. Chuuya slams the door behind him, the sound thunderous in the tiny dorm.

Dazai is left staring at the door, throat dry and heart racing. By the time he gets to opening it again, Chuuya is nowhere to be seen.

He tries calling Chuuya, but the calls go straight to voicemail. He spends half the day trying to track him down, ignoring all the calls and messages he gets from work.

But eventually he has no choice but to go to PMR, no matter how worried about Chuuya he is Dazai could never get away with missing an executive meeting.

Dazai is certain he looks severely disheveled as he walks into the room, but no one comments on it. Kouyou gives him a concerned look, but he ignores her, keeping his gaze fixed on the table.

'We 're all deeply saddened about the news of the death of Arthur Rimbaud, ' says Mori to start the meeting. 'It 's a huge blow for Port Mafia Records. He led the Southeast Asian division with a steady hand for many years. '

'He was a good man, ' says Kinoshita solemnly. 'I greatly enjoyed working with him. He will be missed. '

'He will indeed, ' says Mori with a nod. Dazai can 't even bring himself to care about Mori 's insincere show of grief.

'Do you know who will take his place yet? ' asks Kinoshita. His grief seems real. His serious face is even more grave than usual.

'I don 't know about a permanent solution, ' says Mori. 'But Chuuya Nakahara will take over in the interim. '

It 's actually unclear who looks the most surprised: himself, Kouyou, or Kinoshita.

'That young singer? ' asks Kinoshita, the first to be able to speak up. 'Does he have any experience in management? '

'He doesn 't, ' says Mori, crossing his arms. 'But he 's got very good instincts when it comes to music. I trust him to keep things together while we search for someone else to take over the position. '

'And Chuuya was okay with this? ' asks Kouyou, tone slightly icy. Her protectiveness of Chuuya hasn 't diminished at all from the way she 's almost glaring at Mori.

'He was, ' confirms Mori. 'He was already planning to go to Japan. He called me from the plane. '

Kouyou blinks. 'Why would he be going to Japan? '

'He wanted to pay his respects to Arthur, ' explains Mori matter of factly. 'The man meant a lot to Chuuya. You know how private Chuuya is, but he was somewhat like a father to him. '

Dazai 's nails are digging into his fists under the table. There is a distinct possibility he might throw up.

'He told you this? ' asks Kouyou, clearly not pleased Chuuya would confide in Mori instead of her.

'He didn 't have to, ' says Mori, shaking his head. 'Rimbaud 's the one who gave him that hat he 's always wearing. '

Every time Dazai thinks he can 't possibly feel worse, another horrendous statement comes out of Mori 's mouth. It 's excruciating to pretend he 's not falling apart. But Dazai somehow manages it.

'With Chuuya gone, we 're making some personnel changes to The Black Lizards, ' announces Mori. 'Motojiro Kajii will be stepping down as well. Instead we 'll have Ryuunosuke Akutagawa take over as vocals and guitar. '

Dazai stares at Mori for a moment incredulously. 'I thought we were developing Akutagawa as a solo artist. '

'It 's clear by now that the boy just isn 't ready for that, vocally or emotionally, ' says Mori, and the smugness to the statement makes things sting ever worse. But Mori 's next sentence is the nail in the coffin. 'It was actually Chuuya 's suggestion to rearrange the band this way. '

Dazai laughs, a bit hysterically actually. Because well, the other options are sobbing or screaming.

'Are you alright Dazai? ' asks Mori, frowning at him. Everyone is staring at him.

It had been useless. Everything he had done for over a year had been utterly useless. He 'd let Chuuya go for

nothing

. Dazai 's stupidity is too great to even be measured.

'I 'm great, ' says Dazai, still laughing a little. He smiles brightly. 'I think it 's a brilliant idea. Chuuya is right, as per usual. '

The look Kouyou is giving him is even more concerned than when he 'd entered the room. But then Mori catches her attention.

'Kouyou, how are things proceeding with Mimic Industries? ' asks Mori, shifting the meeting back to business.

'They 've been receptive to our offer, ' says Kouyou. 'I 've set a meeting with Andr ' Gide for next month.

'Run everything through Ango, ' instructs Mori. 'He 'll know what to do. '

Dazai doesn 't even bother paying attention to the rest of the meeting. His mind feels broken. He doesn 't have the energy to care about Mori 's latest ploys, not right now.

January 10, Nearly Two Years Since the Release of Corruption

'You look like shit. '

The voice causes Dazai to look up sharply, barely believing his ears. But it is Chuuya, leaning against the door of his office with his arms crossed. He 's frowning, watching Dazai carefully.

Dazai wishes he could return the sentiment. Chuuya 's time abroad has agreed with him. His hair is longer, down to his shoulders now, the edges starting to curl a little. Chuuya has exchanged his older simple suits for a different style. He wore a white shirt with a dark vest and a black bolo tie over it, a black coat hanging around his shoulders lined with a pale red. His hands are covered in a pair of black gloves.

The only things that look the same about him are his choker, which he 'd had before Dazai even met him, and his hat, which Dazai had always thought was ridiculous, but now the sight of it makes him want to snap the pen he 's holding in half.

Dazai doesn 't doubt that his own appearance is probably slightly haggard. It 's been hard to care about anything these past few months.

He 's basically just going through the motions. Everything at work feels meaningless now. Dazai doesn 't even touch anything related to music. He 'd given up on working with Q, telling Mori the child was too unstable to put in the spotlight.

In the beginning he 'd called Chuuya over and over again. He 'd left countless voicemails, ranging from deeply apologetic to shouting at him for his continued silent treatment. Chuuya hadn 't responded to a single one.

The only time he 'd answered Dazai was when Dazai had sent him an email saying he had a work question, he wanted to know the message Chuuya wanted to put out about him leaving The Black Lizards.

All Chuuya had said in his reply is

Chuuya Nakahara is stepping away from music due to a personal matter. He would appreciate privacy at this time.

Dazai has stared at those two sentences more than once, his lengthy list of regrets threatening to overwhelm him.

As opposed to his own dismal performance, Chuuya had flourished while he way away. He 'd taken up his new position with confidence. The Southeast Asian office hadn 't known what to think of him when he 'd first started, but now they seemed to be in no rush to find someone to take over for Chuuya. As always, Chuuya is easily loved everywhere he goes.

Dazai remembers Ace reporting the numbers back in December, surprising everyone that instead of being in the red after the death of their longstanding boss the Southeast Asian office had broken even. Mori 's face had lit up, and even Kinoshita had looked impressed.

Dazai himself had kept his face blank until he could get to The Lupin and scrape off some of the masks he puts on to be marginally himself at least.

The only joy he feels these days is there, sharing a drink with Ango and Odasaku. Their support has been unwavering. Although they know better than to ask him about his dark moods now after he 'd shut down the questions so forcefully the first times.

Over time his remorse towards Chuuya has twisted into more than a little resentment. Dazai had fucked up one time, and Chuuya had cut him off completely. He 'd acted like the years Dazai had spent doing everything in his power to stand by him were nothing. He 'd thrown Dazai away without a second thought.

He 'd stopping calling eventually, seeing it as pointless. Chuuya hadn 't reacted to that either, and Dazai 's resentment had only grown. It feels like Chuuya had burned everything between them when he 'd left, only leaving the scattered ashes for Dazai to deal with.

Instead of being pleased to see Chuuya, he 's more on edge than ever.

'What are you doing here? ' asks Dazai, and the cold tone it comes out in isn 't even an act.

'Flew in for Kouyou 's birthday, ' answers Chuuya, his own voice a little cold as well.

They just stare at each other for a moment. The tension in the room is practically palpable.

'Is that really all you 're going to say? ' asks Chuuya, standing up fully. The question is filled to the brim with malice.

"I had many things to say to you, in the plethora of voicemails and messages I left you, ' says Dazai, tone not changing at all. He rolls his eyes. 'You didn 't respond to a single one. '

'I should have known this was a fucking waste of time, ' declares Chuuya, shaking his head. He turns around and storms out of the office, pulling the door shut behind him violently.

This time Dazai doesn 't chase after him.

Executive meetings are the worst parts of his days, which is saying something when his days are overflowing with vacuous scum.

But Dazai is here as always, smile in place. Not even the turmoil of seeing Chuuya yesterday changes that.

He 's surprised when Mori starts the meeting before they 've all arrived, Kinoshita 's chair still left empty.

'I 've got news, ' says Mori, voice even more violently cheerful than usual. 'After a number of years of excellent work, Mokutaro Kinoshita has decided to step down from his position to return to the field of medicine. '

Dazai can barely muster up any surprise, though Ace looks very caught off guard. Kouyou is smiling, which makes more sense with the next announcement.

'Chuuya Nakahara will be taking his place as the fifth executive of Port Mafia Records, ' says Mori. 'After his success in Japan, I know he 'll be able to pick up where Kinoshita left off easily. '

Dazai 's smile becomes strained. It turns out he is going to be working with Chuuya again, in a vastly different context that he 'd imagined. The thought of having to be in the same room as him during this executive meetings is daunting. Though if he follows Kinoshita 's pattern he 'll rarely be in L.A, instead he 'll be out of the country more often than not.

'An excellent choice, ' says Kouyou, voice full of pride.

'Indeed, ' agrees Mori. He flips back to his business tone next though. 'I 've tasked him with setting up a PMR office in Europe. We 've put it off long enough, and Kinoshita had recommended it as he left. How is the matter with Mimic progressing? '

'We 're on schedule, ' says Kouyou, shifting into a more professional persona as well.

'Good, ' praises Mori. 'And on your end Ace? '

'We 're all set, ' says Ace, making it come out as bragging as usual. 'Should be good to go in February. '

'Excellent, ' says Mori, a sharp smile in place.

Dazai holds back an eye roll. Mimic Industries has a few middling performers, but they were much more well known in the music industry for selling drugs than they were for selling music. Even Port Mafia Records held a better reputation. It figures Mori would want to partner with them.

Dazai leaves the meeting more weary than ever, walking towards his office when Kouyou stops him.

'So you didn 't take the offer? ' she asks, looking at him with a perplexing amount of disappointment.

'What offer? ' asks Dazai shortly. He isn 't aware of any sort of offer that he 'd turned down.

'When Mori gave Chuuya his promotion, Chuuya had said he was tired of doing only office work, ' says Kouyou, disappointment changing to something else. Dazai rarely sees her look this openly sad. 'He said he 'd go to Europe if Mori allowed him to start working on another album, a Double Black album. I 'm not sure how, but he got Mori to agree to it. Chuuya said he 'd talk to you about it once he saw you in person. '

Against his better judgement, Dazai had held on to a small amount of hope that he and Chuuya would be able to fix things. But now that hope dies savagely, and Dazai feels himself fracture as it does.

'I have things I can 't leave here, ' says Dazai, but it sounds hollow to his own ears.

'I used to think it would make me happy, ' says Kouyou softly. 'Watching the two of you grow apart. '

'Things rarely live up to our expectations, ' says Dazai, his voice coming out as if it was someone else speaking. He walks away before Kouyou can say anything else.

Dazai somehow makes it through the rest of the day. He 's not sure how, he feels like his body is on autopilot without his mind having any input. The only active thing he does is text Ango and Odasaku to meet him at The Lupin later.

'Three shots of tequila, please, ' says Dazai as he strolls into the bar that night, holding up three fingers cheerily. Ango and Odasaku are already there, and they look up as he comes in.

The bartender doesn 't hesitate before pouring the alcohol even though Dazai has never ordered anything other than whiskey before.

'Dazai, we are not going to do-, ' starts Ango before Dazai grabs the shots and takes them all one by one.

'Is this about Nakahara 's promotion? ' asks Ango, as in the know as usual.

'I couldn 't care less about the slug 's title, ' says Dazai with a huge smile. He signals to the bartender that he 'll take a glass of whiskey now. 'He was practically an executive anyway. He had all the power of one. Nothing 's changed there. '

'Then what 's wrong, Dazai? ' asks Oda, looking at him with obvious worry.

'Come on, everyone, we 're toasting, ' says Dazai, ignoring him and holding up his glass. 'To the death of Double Black. It was a long slow death, took over a year actually, but it 's finally kicked the bucket at last. '

Dazai grins at Ango and Oda 's concerned looks. 'This is a celebration. Don 't look so morose! I 'm finally free of that tiny nuisance. It 's a relief, a miracle. Songs will be written about this moment. '

'Drink, ' says Dazai, and he 's not even really sure if it 's a plea or a demand. He feels like someone has peeled his heart out of his chest, one agonizing strip at a time.

February, Two Years and Half a Month Since the Release of Corruption

Dazai doesn 't usually visit Oda at work, but right now he 's too troubled to wait to see him later. His pace is faster than usual as he makes his way to the shipping department. He reaches Oda 's cubicle quickly and is grateful that there isn 't anyone else around.

'Dazai, ' says Oda when he see 's him, a smile on his face. He turns in his chair to face him. 'What are you doing here? '

'You 've heard that PMR has entered a deal with Mimic Industries, right? ' asks Dazai, coming to stand closer. 'That we 're handling some of their shipping domestically in order to use their connections in Europe? '

'Sure, ' says Oda. 'Though all they told us was that we had a new job coming in. '

'You should stay away from it, ' warns Dazai, scowling slightly. He 's more angry at himself for not paying close enough attention to the agreement until now. It hadn 't seemed relevant at the time.

'Dazai, I don 't pick and choose what jobs I get put on, ' says Oda, laughing a bit.

'You should make an exception, ' says Dazai. His tone is completely serious. 'Mimic Industries is one of the biggest suppliers of heroin in the music industry.

Oda 's face shifts to a less pleasant expression. 'I 've been clean for a long time, Dazai. I know how to handle myself. '

'Why even take the risk? ' asks Dazai, snapping a bit.

'I need this job, ' says Oda flatly. 'You know that. '

'I could get you a different job, ' says Dazai, angry in a way he never has been with Oda before. 'Pick any other record company, and I can make it happen. Or Ango could get you a job in a different industry, one less full of vulgar people. '

'I 'm not going to take any handouts, ' says Oda. His voice is also uncharacteristically angry. His eyes are hard as they look at Dazai.

'So you 'd rather hang onto your stupid pride than let one of your friends help you? ' demands Dazai, raising his voice a bit.

'I 've got to get back to work, Dazai, ' says Oda shortly. He stands up, brushing past Dazai as he goes.

Dazai watches him go, resolving to try again later, once they 've both calmed down. He 'll start to put out feelers to look for a job that would suit Odasaku better, maybe something working with kids. Dazai isn 't going to let him rot away in PMR, he 's not letting this company destroy one of the only things he has left.

Looking back, it all seems so glaringly obvious. Mori had never intended to work with Mimic Industries, it had all been a set up. He 'd made a deal with the police to raid the shipping department once they 'd brought their product into PMR. And if they found any of the drugs PMR had been selling, they would assume they belonged to Mimic.

It was a win-win. They got to take out some of the competition while also getting a favor from the law enforcement department.

And the one to broker the deal had been Ango Sakaguchi, the undercover cop who had been working for Port Mafia Records for years. He 'd been assigned to gather dirt on Mori, but he hadn 't been able to pass up the opportunity to catch the bigger fish when Mimic had entered the picture.

There 's only one tiny detail keeping Dazai from being impressed, and it 's the fact that the raid had been prompted by the overdose of one of the workers in Port Mafia Records' shipping department.

Mori knows the type of people Ace employees, he 'd probably counted on one of them being unable to resist themselves in order to spring the trap. Mori wouldn 't care about the loss of some grunt when he had this much to gain.

If it had been anyone other than Odasaku, Dazai probably wouldn 't have cared either.

Dazai hates hospitals. They were an odd combination of too quiet or when they were loud, it was because something terrible was happening. He hadn 't stepped foot in one in years, but he forces himself to in order to see Oda.

Oda looks pale, lying in the hospital bed. He sits up slightly when he sees Dazai come in, wincing as it pulls on his IV line.

Dazai takes a seat in one of the chairs, pulling it over so it 's next to the bed.

He doesn 't know what to say. His words don 't seem to be worth anything. He constantly manipulates everyone around him with them, but when it comes to actually helping the people he cares about, he fails every time.

'Dazai, don 't cry, ' says Oda, voice a little hoarse.

'I 'm not, ' says Dazai, tears clearly running down his face. 'What is there to cry about? '

'This wasn 't your fault, ' says Oda. He reaches over to grab one of Dazai 's hands, but his grip is loose with how little strength he has. 'It 's mine. '

'Anything I don 't want to lose ends up lost, ' says Dazai, voice devoid of emotion. 'The moment I get it, it 's instantly gone. '

'I 'm going to be fine, ' says Oda, but his heart isn 't in it. 'They 've already signed me up for a treatment center. '

'You 're going to lose the kids, ' says Dazai. He barely feels a flicker of guilt when Oda winces.

'You know what I thought the first time we met? ' asks Oda, recovering and fixing Dazai with a determined look.

'What? ' Dazai looks back, face still wet with tears that he doesn 't bother to wipe away.

'I thought that kid looks lonely, ' says Oda, squeezing his hand. He doesn 't look deterred when Dazai doesn 't react. 'Can I give you some advice? '

'Sure, why not? ' asks Dazai blankly.

'I know that you don 't really care about Port Mafia Records, ' says Oda, voice surprisingly strong now. 'You never have. You 've only ever cared about the music because it helps you feel alive. ' Oda speaks the words with confidence, his eyes never leaving Dazai 's. 'But you 're never going to be able to fill that hole inside of you working for somewhere like PMR. If you 're going to make music, you should work for a place that cares about people, that makes music just for the sake of it, not as part of some devious power play. You could make music that helps people. I think it would make you happier. '

'What makes you say that? ' asks Dazai, a fresh set of tears flowing now. Happiness isn 't an emotion he feels all the often, or for very long when he does.

'I know you better than anyone, Dazai, ' says Oda kindly. 'I 'm your friend. '

Oda continues to hold Dazai 's hand as he cries, not bothered by the sniffling and labored breathing. Eventually he pulls himself together again, drying off his face with his suit jacket.

Oda looks a lot less happy when he speaks up again. 'I 'm not going to be able to see you for a while. It 's part of my recovery. I can 't be around anything that reminds me of what happened, or having to do with music. '

'Oh, ' says Dazai, pulling his hand back. He 's too strung out to say anything else.

'It 's not personal, ' says Oda quickly. 'Or permanent. We 'll always be friends. '

Dazai gives him a smile, figuring he owes him that much. He keeps his doubts to himself. 'Sure thing, Odasaku. I 'll let you get some rest. '

Oda gives him a small wave as he goes, clearly a little hesitant to let him leave but too exhausted to fight him.

Dazai is stopped in the hallway though by someone asking, 'You 're Osamu Dazai, right? '

'Unfortunately, ' says Dazai. He looks at the man who 'd spoken. He 's bald, with glasses and a goatee. He 's wearing a dress shirt with no tie, and leaning against the wall, looking Dazai up and down.

'My name is Santoka Taneda, ' says the man. 'I work with Ango Sakaguchi. '

Dazai scowls at the name. While he had expected this type of behavior from Mori, Ango 's role in the whole thing had been a shock. Dazai 's not sure if he 's more angry about that or that he 'd been lying to their faces every day in that bar, pretending to be their friends.

But Dazai had underestimated Ango, and Ango had underestimated Mori, and Odasaku had been the one to pay the price. Dazai could go the rest of his life without speaking to Ango again.

'Give him my worst, ' says Dazai, flashing a smirk.

'He 's tearing himself apart about it, ' says Taneda, not put off at all. 'He didn 't mean for anyone to get hurt. He 's so guilty he won 't step foot in this place. '

He should be,

thinks Dazai to himself. He 's not sure what this Taneda guy wants from him, but Dazai would really like to get out of here.

'He turned down a promotion in the department, ' continues Taneda, 'Something he 'd been working towards for years. Instead he 's taken a job in narcotics. '

It makes Dazai soften a minuscule amount. 'Why are you telling me all of this? '

'Because I know he won 't say it to you himself, ' says Taneda, shaking his head. 'But that 's not the only reason I 've sought you out. Rumor has it that you 're looking to get out of Port Mafia Records. I happen to be friends with a man who runs his own small label, the Audio Detective Agency. I know Fukuzawa would be happy to have you. '

Dazai has possibly heard about the ADA in passing before, but he knows very little about them. He thinks over the offer. Really, what was left tying him to PMR? Chuuya? The thought is laughable. He wants nothing to do with Dazai. And with Oda gone and Ango a traitor, he can 't come up with a single thing.

'I signed a four year recording contract when I was sixteen, ' says Dazai eventually. Hope feels slightly dangerous right now, but Odasaku 's words are still ringing in his head.

'So you 've got two years left to go, ' says Taneda, face contemplative. 'Well, we 'll figure it out. In the meantime, you could stay with me. I 've got a spare room. '

'Do you think I can music that helps people there? ' asks Dazai enthusiastically, smiling genuinely for what feels like the first time in ages.

Chuuya may have been a little quick to take on the job in France. A little over a year of getting partially through some books on French and listening to French music had not left him an expert in the language. It had been a lot easier in Japan when he hadn't had to worry about being understood.

He 's also completely fucking miserable for reasons that have nothing to do with work and everything to do with Dazai. Just the thought of the other boy makes his teeth clench.

His fury is starting to waver though. He 's starting to recognize that he 'd let his grief about Arthur cloud his judgement. Losing him had been like a nightmare while being awake. Chuuya hadn 't really listened to music for months, losing himself in paperwork and administration.

He 'd felt inhuman in his despair, and because of that he 'd pushed Dazai away. Dazai hadn 't helped by being so standoffish, but Chuuya knows a lot of the blame lies with himself.

Chuuya had made an attempt to patch things up with him in January, even going so far as to bargain with Mori to make him agree to let them do another album together. Chuuya had played him the old parts he had completed of

Arahabaki

to prove to him that their second album would be worth taking a chance on.

But then when he 'd seen Dazai in person and Dazai had reacted so coldly, Chuuya 's anger had spiked again. He 'd torn out of the room without telling Dazai anything, too explosive to try and make amends.

Revisiting

Arahabaki

had played a big part in his mental state back then. He 'd felt the lyrics under his skin, acting like he had no other function than to destroy. The nightmares had never been this bad before.

Now that it 's been this long, Chuuya is starting to come back to himself a little. He wants to find a way to apologize to Dazai, to really

talk

this time instead of just flinging whatever will cut the deepest at each other.

Chuuya knows that Dazai isn 't going to the one to break the cycle. It 's going to be up to him. Neither of them are very good at admitting when they 're wrong. The thought of doing it now is still discouraging.

But Chuuya knows that his pride isn 't as important as Dazai is. He loves him, as a friend, as a partner, as more. He doesn 't want to lose him. So he 'll wave the fucking white flag.

It 's hard to do that from a different continent though. Chuuya is still trying to figure out the best way to speak to him, if he needs to go back to L.A. and lock them both in a room until they have an actual conversation.

Chuuya 's phone ringing surprises him, mostly because of the name on display. Mori doesn 't usually call him often, especially when it 's the middle of the night in L.A.

'Hello? ' says Chuuya as he picks up.

'Have you heard from Dazai at all? ' asks Mori, voice carefully blank.

'Not recently, ' says Chuuya, frowning a little. 'Why? '

'It appears he 's left Port Mafia Records, ' says Mori. Chuuya has trouble comprehending the words. 'He hasn 't come into the office and his apartment has been cleared out. He also hasn 't answered any attempts to contact him. '

'He what? ' asks Chuuya, still not believing his ears.

'He wouldn 't do that, ' says Chuuya quickly, trying to keep a steady grip on the phone. 'He wouldn 't have left without saying something. '

'Don 't worry about it, Chuuya, ' says Mori, his usual cheery tone back in full force. 'It was a long shot that he 'd reached out to you. I know you two are more foes than friends these days. Sorry to bother you. '

'It 's fine, ' says Chuuya numbly.

Chuuya hangs up and stares at the phone in his hand for a minute. Then he chucks it as hard as he can at the wall, shattering it into pieces. But it isn 't enough. So he grabs his computer and slams it into the ground too. His desk is next, flung onto its side as he lets out an angry scream, realizing he 'd been shouting since he 'd thrown the phone.

He can 't breathe. He can 't fucking breathe.

Nothing 's going to change,

whispers Dazai in his memory. And Chuuya has always known he 's a fucking liar, but it 's never cut this deeply before.

He digs the heels of his hands into his eyes as forcefully as he can. He will not cry over this,

he will not

.

The creature was destruction incarnate, it lived to consume whatever was put in front of it. They called it Arahabaki,

says his mom, voice still clear despite how many years it 's been,

Don 't you think it sounds a lot like you?

And then a different set of memories, but they ache in a different way.

Whatever we are, we 're the same

, said so earnestly Chuuya had stupidly believed it. His own foolish self,

That 's what being Soukoku means right? I can get through anything as long as you 're there.

We should be a duo, solo artists are overrated anyway,

a suggestion said so matter of fact, no hesitation, as if it were the obvious course of action.

Then much further back, a dark haired boy with a sharp smile,

Chuuya Nakahara, I 'm Dazai. I look forward to working with you.

He will not cry but he can 't stop the trembling of his hands, the shakiness of his breath, the way his whole body is shuddering.

The smell of salt in the air is what makes him pause eventually, mostly because it takes him a moment to realize where it 's coming from. It 's the fucking Petrus he 'd stupidly brought with him, and in his rampage it had fallen over and shattered on the ground.

Chuuya looks at the stale ocean water, blinking at it. He takes a deep breath. Then he adjusts his suit jacket on his shoulders, striding out of the room (maybe those lessons in gravitas hadn 't been useless after all.)

Simone, the women who works at the front desk, looks up as he walks over. Chuuya has no doubt she heard everything from out here, it 's clear from the look on her face.

'Hey, Simone, ' says Chuuya casually. 'I 'm going to need a new phone. And a new computer. Most likely a new desk as well. '

'Of course, Mr. Nakahara, ' says Simone, bewildered but trying not to show it.

'I 'm taking off for the day, ' says Chuuya, walking towards the exit. 'I 'll see you tomorrow."

The next morning Chuuya uses his new phone to send two texts quickly. He 's said the words a thousand times, usually never meaning them. But he 's completely serious this time. Chuuya is sure he 's not going to get a reply, but that doesn 't stop him from the need to make himself clear.

Dazai should probably get a new phone, even though he 's pretty sure he 's removed any way anyone PMR would be able to track him from it. He justifies it by not wanting to delete all the progress he 's made on all of the games he plays on it. It 's very crucial now as he spends a lot of time laying in Taneda 's guest room and playing on his phone.

He 's gotten an influx of calls and texts from various Port Mafia Records employees, but the ones he 's been anticipating finally arrive late at night a few days after he 's left.

[11:05pm Slug]: I fucking hate you.

[11:05pm Slug]: You are dead to me. Never speak to me again