Early September, Four Months and Three Weeks Until the Release of Arahabaki

Chuuya understands that a lot of people probably like the crystalline clear water and pristine white sand beaches at the resort he and Tachihara are staying at. But frankly, Chuuya finds it a little bit creepy and greatly prefers the beaches in L.A. where the water looks normal and the beach looks lived in. He can 't believe it 's someone 's actual job here to rake the sand to make it look perfect every morning.

The all-inclusive resort on the Gulf of Mexico makes up for any beach deficits in privacy though. He and Tachihara have just been treated like normal guests, there hasn 't been any fuss. The other guests have kept to themselves as well. It 's been the most relaxing trip Chuuya has probably had in his entire life.

Or it would be, if Chuuya could fully relax. But no matter what he does he can 't get the words

how does it feel to be an absolute failure?

out of his head.

He

should

be celebrating. After endless months of working himself to the brink Port Mafia Records had come out on top resoundingly. They 'd picked up a slew of talented new artists by acquiring The Guild. They 'd seemingly made peace with the ADA. Any lingering doubts about PMR 's reputation in the music industry had been squashed. Chuuya should be ecstatic.

Instead, he 's even more on edge than he 'd been before. Despite the professional victory, Chuuya feels 'unsettled. He 's angry, obviously, but that 's typical, especially when it came to dealing with Dazai. Dazai being an asshole is something he 'd expected. Anger didn 't even begin to cover the spectrum of emotions Chuuya is feeling though.

Performing together had been something like out of a dream, or a memory rather. Chuuya has played many shows without Dazai, played with so many other people all over the world. He 'd always loved playing music live, it 's always made him feel incredible despite anything else going on.

It isn 't that he 'd forgotten how different it was singing with Dazai, it was more that he 'd forced himself not to dwell on it. It had been painful, wishing for something he couldn 't have, even back when he was playing with The Black Lizards and he 'd thought their separation was only temporary. Then after Dazai had left he 'd tried to push all those moments on stage behind him, to move towards the future.

Then he 'd played

Corruption

again for the first time live in over five years and Dazai had sang

What does it mean to be human? I 'll make you be human

while looking him in the eyes, and Chuuya had been brutally reminded why he 'd never really even fell a little bit out of love with him. To be known, to be understood, it 's a heady thing. Chuuya hadn 't been able to look away.

Naturally, things had turned to shit shortly after that, as things involving Dazai tended to. Perhaps Chuuya should have expected Dazai to be angry after the stunt Chuuya had pulled with the duet of

Play Me a Song,

the choice had been slightly vindictive.

But their fight after the fundraiser had been different, Chuuya had felt out of control with the things he 'd said. He didn 't even really mean them, or he did but not exactly in the way that he 'd said them. He

does

think Dazai 's music could be different, better really, but that 's because he thinks Dazai is capable of masterpieces but refuses to put in the effort.

Dazai 's taunts had felt like he 'd found Chuuya 's Achilles ' heel, torn it wide open and then spit in the wound gleefully. Chuuya remembers his rage after their argument last March, how he 'd burned with anger. This time it isn 't the anger that 's keeping him in this state of unease, it 's the lingering sense of doubt.

Chuuya just keeps coming back to the question: what if Dazai was right?

He 's grateful that Tachihara is here with him. Michizou hadn 't questioned Chuuya 's request to go on a spontaneous vacation, despite being in the middle of recording an album. He 'd agreed right away and hadn 't brought up the reason they were there once. He 'd embraced their vacation wholeheartedly, content to laze around on the beach and drink the frozen cocktails the staff walked around offering.

Tachihara 's presence has help kept him from getting too melancholic. His form of support has always been subtle but persistent, and Chuuya doesn 't even know how to begin to thank him for it. It 's hard to not enjoy himself when he 's lounging on a beach chair with one of his best friends, the sun and the sea (despite its color) in front of them.

Tachihara lets out a content sigh beside him from his own lounge chair. He 's gained a slight tan over the past two weeks, his skin just a bit darker. Chuuya is the same color as always, his skin only burns if he doesn 't wear copious amounts of sunscreen. Despite also having red hair, the same doesn 't seem to apply to Tachihara.

'I love it here, ' declares Tachihara, turning to face Chuuya with a lazy smile. 'If Gin wouldn 't track me down and murder me for it, I would totally stay here forever."

'I 'm surprised she didn 't want to come too, ' says Chuuya with a slight laugh.

Gin loves the beach, almost as much as Chuuya does. He 'd been slightly surprised when Tachihara had shown up at the airport alone. He hasn 't seen Tachihara use his phone much either while they 've been here. Chuuya 's phone has remained off for the entire trip, he 'd meant what he 'd said about taking a real break. He figures if Mori had a problem with it he 'd find a way to get in contact with him.

'I didn 't ask her to, ' says Tachihara, the lighthearted tone of the conversation slipping away. There were few places Tachihara had gone in years where Gin hadn 't received an invitation. His smile dims a bit, and he fixes Chuuya with a more serious look. 'You know, I 've given you plenty of time to bring it up, but today is our last day here. '

'To bring up what? ' asks Chuuya, voice a little short. He 'd been appreciating not having to talk about things, he hadn 't wanted it to end so soon. Although he probably should have expected this, Tachihara isn 't one to avoid confrontation, not indefinitely.

'I 'm not going to force you to talk about anything, ' says Tachihara with a sigh. He sounds more disappointed than angry, which makes Chuuya feel guilty. 'But bottling shit up never helps anything. '

Chuuya frowns, crossing his arms and looking out at the too blue ocean. Tachihara has a point, and he 's someone Chuuya knows he can trust to give him an honest answer.

'When you think of me, do you think of me as a musician or as an executive? ' asks Chuuya, keeping his gaze fixed straight ahead.

'I mean, aren 't you both? ' asks Tachihara, sounding confused. This clearly isn 't the direction he 'd thought the conversation would be going.

'Which one do you think of me as more? ' asks Chuuya, annoyance seeping into his voice outside of his control. He turns to see Tachihara 's expression.

'Neither, really, ' says Tachihara, seeming to catch on to how invested Chuuya is in his response. He pauses, thinking over his answer. 'But I guess an executive lately with how crazy busy you 've been. You 're always working

on

music though. '

Chuuya hums in acknowledgment of the answer, biting his lip and looking away again. It hadn 't helped to ease any of his uncertainty. If anything it had made it worse, despite Tachihara 's good intentions.

'Why does it matter? ' asks Tachihara, his voice curious and a little disapproving.

Chuuya laughs without any humor. 'Sometimes I think that if seventeen year old me could see me now he 'd be disgusted, ' he says with a sigh.

'When I was seventeen, I was still living with my parents and they had me convinced being a drummer was a pipe dream and that I should be focused on going to college so I could become successful like my brother, ' says Tachihara, his voice that strange tone it is whenever he talks about his parents, frustrated but hesitant to say anything against them. 'I don 't put much stock in my past self 's opinions. You shouldn 't either. '

'I do want to put the past behind me, ' says Chuuya, running a hand through his hair in frustration. 'It keeps coming back to fuck with me though. '

Tachihara is quiet for a moment, and Chuuya thinks they 've dropped the subject. Then he surprises Chuuya by saying, 'I respect you a lot, you know. '

'You what? ' asks Chuuya, more than a little bewildered.

'I respect you, ' repeats Tachihara simply. 'I mean, we work for Port Mafia Records, we 're surrounded by the best of the best. But the music you make, whether you 're playing or writing or producing, it 's something else. ' He shrugs, smiling at Chuuya. 'It 's why I wasn 't mad when you left The Black Lizards. You 'd have been wasted in the background with us. '

Chuuya takes in the unexpected praise, absurdly touched. Tachihara didn 't give complements lightly, and he wouldn 't give one just to make him feel better. Chuuya feels content in a way he hasn 't since he 'd gotten off the stage at that stupid fundraiser.

Chuuya 's grin in huge. 'Ewwww, ' he says, tone full of mocking.

'Shut up, ' says Tachihara, crossing his arms and looking away. He 's smiling too though.

'Thank you, ' says Chuuya seriously. 'If I were more selfish, I would make you be the drummer for every song I work on. '

'That 's way grosser than what I just said, ' says Tachihara smugly, smirking at him.

Chuuya rolls his eyes, the smile doesn 't leave his face though. He goes back to looking at the ocean, the color still as obnoxious but Chuuya is trying to be less of a snob about it.

'Thanks for coming with me here, ' says Chuuya. 'I know it was kind of sudden, and you 're in the middle of an album. '

'Eh, it 's fine, ' says Tachihara mildly. 'I did tell you to let people be there for you when you 're going off the rails. Plus I got a beach vacation out of your melodrama. Though Gin keeps texting me and complaining how I abandoned her with Kajii and Higuchi. '

Chuuya laughs. Higuchi and Kajii might get along even worse than he and the Lemon Fucker had back in the day. 'You could have asked her to come. '

'Some trips are just for the bros, ' says Tachihara obnoxiously, before adding more seriously, 'And I know how private you are when it comes to your shit. '

'Stop being so nice to me, ' says Chuuya, glaring at Tachihara and trying to fight off a smile. 'You 're freaking me out. '

'No, ' says Tachihara petulantly. He grins widely.

'Fuck off, ' says Chuuya, though he can 't hold back his laughter now.

Tachihara sits up in his chair, pointing to something. 'Oooh, drink man! Mystery frozen cocktail? '

Chuuya looks where he 's pointing to see one of the resort workers holding a tray of frozen drinks, walking around and offering them to the guests. 'Hell yeah, ' he says easily.

Tachihara gives him a thumbs up and jogs over towards the man.

Chuuya watches him go, his smile slipping a little as he does. He 'd earned Tachihara 's respect, something he values greatly.

Chuuya is less sure if he 's earned his own.

Dazai is lying on the couch in the break area of the ADA office and staring at the ceiling, a position he 's found himself in more and more lately. He 'd used to find the blank white tiles calming. They don 't seem to work as well as they had before.

Then again, Dazai hadn 't been as troubled previously. His worries had been mostly about the ADA and Atsushi, in finding a way to keep everything together. And they 'd done it. Atsushi 's future with the ADA is secure, they 'd smoothed things over with PMR, and even picked up Kyouka Izumi somehow.

They 'd won, yet Dazai found no spoils in the victory.

He 's pleased about how things turned out for the ADA of course. Dazai hadn 't envisioned just how successfully they 'd come out of the conflict of the past months with The Guild and PMR. His coworkers are all overjoyed.

Dazai is too, on some level. Watching the tension in the office slip away these past couple weeks has been refreshing. Kunikida had finally packed up the war room table from the center of the office, though Ranpo had pouted about losing his favorite place to snack. Atsushi in particular is bursting with happiness, partially about himself but probably also about the addition of Kyouka.

Dazai hasn 't spent much time with the girl. She 's only in the office after school. Kenji had been disappointed to learn they wouldn 't be going to the same one. Kyouka is attending a private school in L.A. that Dazai thinks Kouyou had a hand in choosing. She always came to the ADA still in uniform.

Kyouka is quiet, although everyone has warmed up to her quickly. Well, everyone excluding himself. Dazai hadn 't exactly decided to avoid her, but he hadn 't sought her out really. The avoidance seems to be mutual. Dazai thinks their similar backgrounds have both made them wary of the other.

Things have slowly shifted towards how they were before Francis had strolled into the office that day in April. Ranpo is back to writing songs at a truly alarming pace, now more in demand than before after beating Edgar Allen Poe on stage. Though he and Poe had someone come out of the encounter as friends. He and his raccoon have made multiple trips to the ADA.

Though Poe technically works for PMR rather than The Guild now. Dazai had been thoroughly amused, impressed, and annoyed when he 'd learned that Mori had

bought

The Guild. Dazai somehow continues to underestimate him. He really wishes he could be free to hate him in peace without having to respect him.

Yosano had gone back to her true love of editing, though she did still except Atsushi to follow her directions on proper star behavior (she reminds Dazai just a bit of The Count sometimes, not that he 'd ever tell her that.) She 's also tried to take Kyouka under wing, excited to have another girl performer among them.

Tanizaki had given up playing errand boy to go back to working on Light Snow, much to his great relief. Kunikida has spent most of his time working with him on it. They 're set to start recording soon, aiming to release later this year. One perk of this conflict is that the ADA now knows how to get music out much faster, although the pace is much less frantic.

Dazai has been helping Atsushi with getting started on his own album. Atsushi has been extremely eager. Despite there not being a pressing need for him to put out music like before, his enthusiasm seems to have grown. Dazai wonders if it has anything to do with Atsushi 's encounter with Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, though he hasn 't asked. Atsushi gets very twitchy whenever the other boy is brought up.

But while the tension has drained from his coworkers since the fundraiser, Dazai 's had only escalated. Chuuya Nakahara tended to have that effect on him.

It had been bad enough performing

Corruption

with him, but Dazai had at least anticipated that. Then Chuuya had forced him into singing a duet of

Play Me a Song,

the song that Dazai had written about 'It had been worse than a slap in the face. It had been derisive, like a mockery of the song and what it meant.

When Dazai had seen him backstage, he hadn 't been able to stop himself from lashing out, from trying to make Chuuya feel just a sliver as terrible as Dazai did. It had backfired horrendously. Instead of getting under Chuuya 's skin, Chuuya had gotten under his own.

It 's not enough that Chuuya had belittled his music, but then he had brought up Mori putting him in charge creatively of their album. Dazai still remembers clearly the moment Chuuya had declared what Mori had said didn 't matter, that they were equals, partners. That moment 'it had

meant

something to Dazai. Apparently the same couldn 't be said for Chuuya, not anymore at least.

It had brought out an anger in himself he 'd never felt before. Dazai had flaunted Chuuya 's lack of music in retaliation. From Chuuya 's expression, his comments had hit the mark. They always have had a knack for knowing exactly how to make the other miserable.

Are you ever going to grow out of being boring and predictable?

rings Chuuya 's voice in his head.

Dazai has never had doubts about his musical talents. He 'd been lauded as a genius since he 'd been ten years old. Despite his hatred for him, Mori had instilled a confidence in himself that had never been shaken.

It feels shaken now.

Music that could help people, that 's what he had set out to create. Odasaku 's words had been his touchstone for years, his purpose. Dazai isn 't questioning

that

, rather he 's questioning his methods.

He doesn 't regret Once More With Feeling. It had been the album he needed to write. He 'd set out to make music that made people feel lighter, and he 'd done it. People that Dazai respects tremendously have congratulated him on the album: Fukuzawa, Santoka, Odasaku.

Then Chuuya had scoffed at it, and now Dazai is staring at ceiling tiles.

Dazai has been going over the songs from Once More With Feeling obsessively in his head, picking them apart, trying to prove that there was nothing

missing

from them.

Play Me a Song

is literally a love song, it couldn 't

be

emotionless. But now when he listens to it all he hears is the lightness that he 'd been striving for at the time, none of the deeper emotions that he 'd been feeling when he 'd written it.

Music that people connect to, that makes them feel something,

whispers a younger Chuuya in his head. Dazai would bash his head against the wall repeatedly if he thought it would get rid of him (but based on years of experience he knows there isn 't a cure.)

Dazai had claimed that Chuuya was terrified of music, but now the thought of trying to write something for himself has him petrified. He doesn 't know what his style is anymore, what his intentions are. It 's all just a blank space.

It 's ridiculously ironic that the person who Dazai wishes he could ask the most about this is Chuuya. Even after everything, that never changes. He doubts it ever will.

'Stop brooding, ' says Kunikida, appearing above him and frowning down at him.

'I 'm not brooding, ' lies Dazai easily. 'I 'm composing. You just made me lose the melody, Kunikida. '

Kunikida purses his lips, but doesn 't comment further. He sighs then, looking hesitant. 'Can I ask you something without you ripping my head off? '

Dazai frowns, sitting up. 'I 'll try to control myself, ' he says lightly.

'Have you considered releasing

Play Me A Song

as a single? ' asks Kunikida, tone serious.

Dazai would actually like to rip his head off (he really

needs

to get ahold of his newfound temper, this is unnatural for him). 'That would be misguided, ' says Dazai, having to work to make his voice not come out snappishly. He mostly succeeds.

'Why 's that? ' asks Kunikida, crossing his arms. 'The song has been getting a lot of attention since the fundraiser. It could be good for you and the ADA. '

Dazai sighs dramatically. 'People would buy it and listen to it if I released it as a single, sure. But they 'll be disappointed it 's not the version they really want. '

'The version with Nakahara? ' asks Kunikida, frowning deeper. He doesn 't seem aware of the emotional minefield he 's trampling on.

'How are things coming along with Light Snow? ' asks Dazai, not interested in pursuing that subject any further.

'Things are going well, ' says Kunikida, looking a little surprised at the question. 'We 're just finishing up some last snags before we start recording. '

'Perhaps I could take a look, ' says Dazai, standing up and walking towards the main office. Kunikida 's expression is slightly bewildered as he passes him.

'Tanizaki, ' calls out Dazai. Tanizaki looks up, face clearly stunned. 'Let 's run through Light Snow together. I bet we can work out those last kinks."

'

You

want to work with

me

? ' asks Tanizaki, looking even more dumbfounded. He quickly tries to school his expression into something less shocked, not that he does a very good job. 'I mean, sure. Of course. '

He and Tanizaki haven 't worked together much on music. Dazai had never offered to help him like he had with Atsushi. But ceiling tiles weren 't working to get him out of his foul mood, and finding and fixing the errors in music had always been something he 'd found reassuring. He couldn 't solve his own musical quandaries, but perhaps he could remedy Tanizaki 's.

'Let 's get started, ' says Dazai brightly.

Chuuya flicks through his phone as he rides the elevator up to the top floor of the PMR office. His inbox is practically full from the updates he 'd ignored for two weeks. Chuuya flags the ones that might be important and deletes the rest. He figures if something is really pressing Mori will tell him during their meeting. Chuuya had checked for messages from him first, finding the request to meet this morning.

Being back in L.A. usually feels relieving, but Chuuya 's mood remains the same as it was in Mexico, and before Mexico really. He does appreciate being back in view of the Pacific Ocean though, it makes him feel a bit lighter.

Chuuya steps out of the elevator once he reaches his floor and knocks on the door to Mori 's office while he slips his phone in his pocket. His hat feels different than usual after a couple weeks of not wearing it on the beach. His thoughts turn to Arthur, wondering what he would think of his current state. He pushes the thought away as Mori calls for him to enter.

'Chuuya, ' says Mori cheerfully as Chuuya walks towards his desk, appreciating the sprawl of L.A. and the ocean out the window as he always does. Mori seems genuinely pleased to see him. 'I hope your vacation was restful. '

Restful isn 't the first word Chuuya would use to describe it. 'It was great, ' says Chuuya, which isn 't exactly a lie. 'It 's good to be back though. Did I miss anything? '

'Mostly just logistics of how to handle the acquisition of The Guild, ' says Mori with a light shrug.

'Nothing you 'd find very interesting. '

Chuuya nods in acknowledgment, not sorry he 'd missed out on that. Kouyou had probably enjoyed it though. 'Everything going smoothly? '

'For the most part, ' says Mori. 'Some artists have been more reluctant about their new label than others. '

Chuuya laughs a little, reminded of himself at fifteen. 'They 'll acclimate. '

'Most do with time, ' says Mori, smiling slightly himself. Then he switches back to his business tone. 'I 'm keeping the Long Island office, it 's convenient to have space out East. I 've sent some people out there to oversee things. Some of the artists are staying, those who don 't need much supervision. Others are in the process of moving to L.A. '

'Sounds like a sound plan, ' says Chuuya, slipping back into the role of a record company executive for the first time in weeks, although now the mindset feels slightly tainted. 'What are you going to do with Lucy Maud Montgomery? '

'Yes, that 's been on my mind as well, ' says Mori, tapping his fingers on his desk with one hand and propping his chin in the other. 'She seems to be one of the more reluctant ones. I do have something in the works to make the transition smoother though. '

Chuuya is cut off from answering when there 's a knock on the door. He looks towards the sound, surprised that someone would interrupt a meeting between two executives. But then Mori calls out from them to enter, clearly expecting them.

'You have another meeting? ' asks Chuuya, raising an eyebrow. He 's more curious than offended.

'I thought you 'd want to sit in on this one, ' says Mori lightly, an edge to his smile.

Chuuya 's curiosity rises, then his other eyebrow goes up at who walks in the door. Of all the people he could have expected, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald would have been towards the bottom of the list.

'Ogai, ' calls out Francis confidently as he walks into the room (Chuuya 's not sure he 's

ever

heard anyone call the boss Ogai.) Francis doesn 't look the least bit phased at walking into the office of the man he 'd been at odds with for months and who had recently bought out his company from under him. 'How are you, old sport? '

'I 'm well, ' says Mori, smiling with just a little too much teeth. 'Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. '

'I 've recently had some time open up in my schedule, ' says Francis lightly. He strolls up and takes the seat next to Chuuya, turning and nodding at him in greeting. 'Nakahara. ' He quickly turns back to Mori.

'Have you decided on your next move? ' asks Mori, tone completely innocent.

Chuuya has very little idea what 's going on, but he is enjoying this immensely. He turns to see Francis 's reply while fighting off a smirk.

'I 'm an entrepreneur, ' says Francis, smiling without bothering to hide his animosity. 'I can always build again from the ground up. '

'I 'm sure there are other options, ' says Mori, voice just a touch patronizing.

'Did you bring me here to gloat? ' asks Francis, losing his humor and crossing his arms.

Mori raises a hand to his chest as if in offense. 'Aren 't we old friends? '

Francis laughs sharply. 'You don 't have any friends, Mori. '

'True enough, ' says Mori with a slight shrug. 'Anyway, no this is a job interview. '

Francis 's face goes from annoyed to gobsmacked. His voice catches a little. 'This is a what? '

Chuuya doesn 't bother hiding his own shock as he looks at Mori, raising his eyebrows. Mori flashes him a quick smile before turning back to Francis.

'Yes, there 's an open position for an executive for Port Mafia Records, ' says Mori lightly, his eyes full of amusement. 'I 've been meaning to fill it for years, just haven 't gotten around to it. But now that you 're unemployed I think you 'd be a good fit. '

Francis just stares at him for a moment, then he glances at Chuuya as if to confirm this isn 't some kind of joke, then goes back to starting at Mori. Chuuya himself is having a little trouble not keeping his jaw from hanging open in shock.

'Or are you not interested? ' asks Mori, frowning slightly.

'You want to make me an executive of your label after you just stole mine? ' asks Francis, voice incredulous.

'We 've recently acquired a number of artists you 're familiar with, you have a great deal of familial connections, you have experience in management, ' Mori lists off simply. He shrugs again. 'Like I said, I think you 'd be a good fit. '

'I spent the last six months trying to sabotage your company, ' points out Francis, clearly still bewildered. Chuuya doesn 't blame him, he 's also still completely shocked.

'I noticed, ' says Mori, his tone less amused. 'That was business, not personal. So is this. '

'I was under the impression you didn 't particularly like me, ' says Francis, raising an eyebrow.

'I don 't particularly like a lot of people I work with, ' says Mori mildly. Chuuya has to cover a snort.

Francis starts laughing then, just slightly unhinged. 'I always forget you have no sense of pride. It 's why people always underestimate you. '

'It 's gotten me this far, ' says Mori lightly. 'Now then, are you interested in the position? '

'You know that I am, ' says Francis, sounding annoyed.

'Yes, but you

do

have a sense of pride, ' says Mori. He gives Francis a flat look.

'Look how far that 's gotten me, ' says Francis, shaking his head. 'When do I start? ' he asks with a smirk.

'I could use you out in Long Island to settle some of the people who aren 't as thrilled about becoming part of Port Mafia Records, ' says Mori, shifting to a more serious tone. 'Though you 'll need to move to L.A. permanently soon. Los Angeles has some of the most renowned neurologists in the world, I 'm sure we can find one that will take good care of Daisy. '

Francis 's whole body goes rigid. 'Excuse me? '

Mori crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. He looks off to the side. 'I don 't know how I would have reacted if I 'd been placed in a similar situation to yours. If I lost Elise, I 'm not sure I could be logical. ' He turns back to look at Francis, his expression colder. 'That being said, I will not allow you to pull the same stunts you did with The Guild. You take a single penny from Port Mafia Records that isn 't yours and you will live to regret it. '

'I understand, ' says Francis gravely. He swallows roughly, then reaches his hand forward. 'Thank you for the opportunity.

Boss. '

'Welcome to Port Mafia Records, ' says Mori, smiling widely again as he shakes his hand. 'I 'm sure you have some affairs to settle. ' It 's an obvious dismissal.

Francis snorts a little. 'Of course. ' He turns to look at Chuuya one last time, smirking at him. 'Looking forward to working with you, Nakahara. '

'Likewise, Scottie, ' says Chuuya, smirking back. Francis maintains his smile with obvious effort, dropping it as soon as he turns to walk out of the room.

Mori and Chuuya both watch him go in silence. Once the door clicks shut, Chuuya turns to face Mori again, smiling and shaking his head.

'I assume that 's the something you had in the works, ' says Chuuya, unable to fight off another laugh.

'You 're the one who 's always saying I shouldn 't hold the position for Dazai, ' says Mori, smiling in his version of laughter. 'I figured after we had reached a relative truce with the ADA it was time to make some changes, stop holding onto the past. This presented an optimal solution. '

'Boss, I am so grateful I have never had to go up against you, ' says Chuuya with a huge grin. Then something occurs to him and he has to hold in more laughter. 'Have you told Ace yet? '

Mori 's smile grows wider. 'Alan will have to be informed rather delicately. It 's best I do it alone. '

'Probably, ' says Chuuya, although he wishes he could be there to see the look on his face. 'Do you trust Francis? '

'It 's in his best interest to work with us rather than against us, ' says Mori with a shrug. 'If he steps out of line, I 'll handle it. '

Chuuya nods. He knows Mori definitely could. 'Anything else I missed from when I was gone? '

'That about covers it, ' says Mori. 'Things have obviously settled down in some aspects. Your schedule is going to be much lighter. Are there any projects in particular you 're interested in taking on? Anything from The Guild is open. '

Mori

asking

him what he wants to work on is distinctly different from how things had been for a long time. It catches Chuuya off guard a little in more ways than one. Of course Mori would assume he 'd want to go back to producing, that 's what he 'd been doing for

years.

Chuuya 's flare of irritation doesn 't make sense.

'Sure, ' says Chuuya lightly, fighting off a scowl. (

How does it feel to be an absolute failure?

taunts Dazai in his mind.) 'I can work with the ones who are coming to L.A. when they get here

. '

'Excellent, ' says Mori. From his shift in tone Chuuya can tell the meeting is over. 'Let me know if you need anything in the meantime. '

Chuuya stands up to leave. 'Sure thing, Boss. '

'Oh, ' says Mori before Chuuya turns away completely. 'Can you do me a favor? There 's an online magazine that 's been desperate for an interview with you. You 're in high demand again after the fundraiser. It 'd be short, just a few questions about what 's next for Chuuya Nakahara. '

Chuuya sighs. 'Fine. I 'll add it to my schedule. '

He hopes they don 't ask him any questions about fucking Dazai.

Dazai had always known Tanizaki was talented in a kind of abstract way. They 'd never been particularly close, and Dazai hadn 't made any effort to change that. He had found Tanizaki just a touch aggravating when he 'd first joined the ADA due to his juvenile arrogance, but over the years that had faded for the most part. Tanizaki had dropped it completely over these past months, showing a maturity and dedication that Dazai had been surprised by.

Going over Light Snow together has given Dazai an ever greater respect for Junichiro. He 'd expected it to be good, not remarkable. Tanizaki 's and Dazai 's styles couldn 't be more different. Tanizaki writes about subjects without shame, be that sex, identity, or self-destruction.

(Dazai couldn 't help but note bitterly that

he

didn 't seem to have any issues with his music being sentimental drivel.)

Tanizaki 's songs did need some polishing though, which is what Dazai has been helping him with over the past couple weeks. There had been some songs that needed just a couple note adjustments here or there, like

The Tattooer

and

Some Prefer Nettles.

They were a little stuck with

The Makioka Sisters

currently, mostly because Dazai thinks it could be the best song and wants to make it flawless.

Tanizaki has been appreciative for the most part, agreeing to most of Dazai 's suggestions without complaint. He 'd gotten a bit defensive over some lyrics he hadn 't wanted to change in the beginning. After Dazai had gotten sick of arguing and said that most artists had at least some subpar sections in their albums, Tanizaki had been more willing to change things.

Dazai had never tried to change the feel of any of the songs (something that he 'd carried over from his teenage years that he didn 't want to dwell on), he 's just trying to make the music the best it can be. Most of the suggestions for the actual changes had come from Tanizaki himself. Dazai usually just had to point out the flaws and Junichiro found a way to fix them.

'I don 't think we should change any of the lyrics, ' says Dazai, staring at the sheet music on the table in front of them. They 'd taken over the music room at the ADA, working alone for the most part. Kunikida had popped in once in a while to check on their progress, and Naomi had come to check on Tanizaki frequently. 'It 's this sequence of chords that 's ruining it. '

'Yeah, I hear it, ' says Tanizaki, a contemplative expression on his face. He rubs a hand over his face. Then he grabs the sheet music and brings it in front of himself, scribbling out some new notes (his handwriting is almost as bad as a different redhead Dazai had used to write with that he is forcing himself not to think about. He 's semi-successful at best.)

'Hmmm, ' says Dazai, thinking it over. It could possibly work. He taps his pen and runs through the notes in his head. 'That 's better, but not quite right yet. ' He writes on top of Tanizaki 's scribbles (much more neatly) and passes it back to Tanizaki.

Tanizaki nods as he looks at it. 'No, yeah, I like that. '

'I think that one 's finished then, ' says Dazai cheerfully. He grabs his phone, tapping out a few notes. 'We 're making good progress, we should finish up soon. Then you can start recording and Yosano can start her latest reign of terror. '

'That 's good, ' says Tanizaki. Something in his voice makes Dazai look up from his phone, seeing Tanizaki 's clearly troubled expression. It 's different than the typical fearful expression he gets over doing edits with Yosano, and he 's fidgeting with his hands under the table.

'Something wrong? ' asks Dazai, trying to keep his tone light. Just because they aren 't particularly close doesn 't mean he can ignore Tanizaki when he 's clearly distraught.

'I 'm a little confused why you 're helping me so much, ' says Tanizaki, voice almost sheepish. He shrugs. 'I didn 't think you were all that interested in my music. ' He looks down at the table instead of Dazai.

Dazai frowns slightly. It 's not like he 'd ever singled Tanizaki out as being uninterested. The only person who he 'd regularly worked with before Atsushi had been Kunikida, and even that had ebbed and flowed with how often they needed the other 's help. Dazai had rarely helped Yosano or Ranpo, or even Kenji. He hadn 't meant it to come of as a slight. In fact, he 'd thought the distance was somewhat mutual. Dazai had been under the impression Tanizaki didn 't

not

like him but that he wasn 't his biggest fan.

'I wasn 't aware that you wanted my help, ' says Dazai, trying to sound non-confrontational.

'I don 't, ' says Tanizaki quickly, then makes a displeased expression. 'I mean, I

do.

I just 'don 't get me wrong, I think the world of Atsushi. He deserves all the success he 's had and more. ' He drops his gaze to his hands. 'But everyone dropped everything to help him, myself included, '

says Tanizaki, picking at the edge of the table. 'I didn 't expect everyone to do that for me, and Kunikida 's been great. But it makes you wonder, you know, what he 's got that I 'm missing. '

Dazai can 't help his frown now. 'Nothing, ' he says. 'Well, actually what he 's got that you don 't is a lot of baggage and self-esteem issues. ' Dazai crosses his arms. 'Although those are getting better. What I mean is that the reason I haven 't spent much time with you on your music is that you don 't

need

my help. '

Tanizaki doesn 't look convinced, so Dazai sighs and continues. 'These songs you 've written, you should be proud of them. I don 't waste my time on mediocre music. Atsushi wouldn 't have been able to write like this on his own. ' Dazai gives him a smile. 'You 've grown a lot as a musician since I 've known you. Admittedly I thought you were a bit of a brat when I met you, but a brat couldn 't write songs this impressive. '

'I 've always looked up to you, ' says Tanizaki quietly, which is not the response Dazai had been expected. 'I look up to all of you. You, Kunikida, Ranpo, Yosano. You had already won a million Grammys by the time you were my age. '

'I won five, ' corrects Dazai, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. 'Two and a half, really. And I don 't even know where those things are anymore, they 're not important to me. ' Dazai gives Tanizaki a long look. 'This music, is it what you want to make? Are you satisfied? '

'I am, ' says Tanizaki, more sure of himself. 'I 've been dying to put out this album for what feels like forever. '

'That 's what matters, ' says Dazai seriously. 'Some artists spend their whole lives chasing that, trying to figure that out. Light Snow is extraordinary, and I never lie when it comes to music. ' Dazai smiles at Tanizaki. 'Comparing yourself to others is just a waste of time. Music is one of the truly unique things about this world, embrace that. '

'I, uh, thank you, ' says Tanizaki, scratching the back of his head. 'It means a lot, especially coming from you. ' He smiles at Dazai, looking loads lighter. 'Thanks for all of this really. '

'You did most of the work, ' says Dazai dismissively. 'I just softened out the edges. '

'You should work at being better at accepting complements, ' says Tanizaki, raising an eyebrow. It 's more amusing than annoying though.

The door to the music room opens then, and Naomi pops her head in. Her eyes seek out Tanizaki, ignoring Dazai completely. 'Do you need anything, Junichiro? Some water, a snack, a foot rub? ' Her voice is sickeningly sweet.

'Nah, I 'm good, ' says Tanizaki, looking slightly embarrassed.

Naomi pouts. 'If you 're sure. ' She 's slow to retreat though.

Dazai is reminded of the other reason he 's always been a little wary of Tanizaki. He gives him a long look. 'If you 're going to be stepping into public life, you might want to deal with that. ' He gestures towards the door.

Tanizaki gives him a confused look. 'Deal with what? '

Chuuya adjusts in his chair, trying to get comfortable. He 's never really enjoyed interviews, they tended to never ask anything interesting. He 's met a few journalists who he actually enjoys working with over the years, but he doubts this small magazine will have anyone that falls into that category.

He keeps a smile on his face though.

You always performing,

says The Count in his mind. Chuuya actually prefers his intrusions to other ones these days.

'Chuuya Nakahara, ' says his interviewer, a girl who 's name he didn 't catch earlier. Whatever, it didn 't matter. 'Thank you so much for being here today. '

'It 's my pleasure, ' lies Chuuya easily. This is why he hates these things.

He answers the first few questions without incident, giving decent sound clips that keep him and PMR in good standing. He 's hoping they can wrap this shit up so that he can get back to his actual job soon.

Things have been going pretty well at work since he 'd gotten back. Francis has turned out to be a surprisingly helpful addition to PMR. If he 's holding any grudges, he 's hiding them well. Chuuya might not have gotten to be there when Mori told Ace that Francis was going to be an executive, but he had gotten to be in the first executive meeting with both of them. Francis subtly insulting Ace the entire time had made Chuuya almost forget Francis had once called him a street urchin.

He still thinks Francis is a pretentious douchebag, but at least he 's entertaining and good at his job. Things with The Guild had been almost seamless since Francis had taken over most of the transitional issues. Chuuya hasn 't spent a lot of time with many of their artists yet, though he 's had some good conversations with Lovecraft. His music is extremely dark, Chuuya is looking forward to working with him.

The majority of the almost is due to Lucy Maud Montgomery. Unlike the others, Francis 's arrival had not put a dent in her misgivings.

'Oh, the girl 's an absolute nightmare, ' Francis had said when Mori had first asked about her. 'She loathes me, loathes everyone really. I can 't help you out there. '

Chuuya had been surprised then when Kouyou volunteered to take her under her wing. He 'd thought Kyouka had been an exception due to how young she was. Lucy is already nineteen, not a child at risk of being taken advantage of.

Chuuya had gone to ask Kouyou about it and her reasoning for wanting to work with her had not been what he was expecting.

'Did you see what those fools at The Guild did with her? ' Kouyou had asked sharply. 'Braces, pigtails, schoolgirl dresses. ' Kouyou had crossed her arms and glared. 'It 's juvenile and denigrating for a young woman. The girl deserves to work with someone who is going to give her a career, not milk her for everything she 's worth while she still looks the part. '

'Have you met her? ' Chuuya had asked delicately. 'I 've heard she 's not easy to work with. '

'Do you think you were easy to work with when I met you? ' Kouyou had asked, raising an eyebrow. 'You were a punk with an addiction to leather jackets and anger issues. ' Kouyou had smiled and shook her head. 'I can handle myself. '

Still, Kouyou has her hands full. Chuuya doesn 't remember the last time he 'd seen her this invested in developing an artist. With Kyouka she 'd cared more about her as a person and dragged her feet about the actual music aspect. Kouyou seems determined to make Lucy a real star though. It 's been weird in a good way to see Kouyou get more involved with music again without all the tension there had been with Kyouka.

Personality aside, Chuuya has no doubts Lucy has the talent to make a worthwhile album. The girl 's voice is something you don 't hear all that often, a kind of peculiar sound that makes you almost uncomfortable but that you want to hear more of. Plus based on

Anne of Abyssal Red

she clearly knows how to write good music.

Unfortunately in the music business

personality aside

isn 't really an option. Lucy actually reminds him a little of Akutagawa when he 'd first been signed (a comparison Akutagawa had

not

appreciated when Chuuya had mentioned it to him.) The girl has put up a fight against every change Kouyou has tried to make. Kouyou always eventually wins, but Chuuya can tell she 's frazzled underneath her calm facade.

Chuuya has been wracking his brains about what to do to help the girl. It 's clear Lucy 's been through a lot. Chuuya had seen her file, her life had not been easy. He feels for her, he really does. But she 's just such a brat that it 's hard to remember that when she 's sneering at you.

Chuuya doubts what worked with Kyouka would have any effect on Lucy. The girls couldn 't be less similar in personality. He 'd had to work tooth and nail to get Kyouka to speak up. Lucy has zero problems with sharing her very negative opinions.

It 's been bothering him not knowing what to do. Chuuya is supposed to be good at this shit, at being an executive. If he can 't even do this right, then what was the fucking point?

It 's another reason this interview is so pointless. Chuuya is eager to get the hell out of here beyond just finding it a waste of time. He doubts many people are even going to watch this. He 'd never even heard of this magazine before Mori had mentioned it to him.

Then the interviewer (fuck, he still can 't remember her name) asks her next question. 'Four months from now will be the seven year anniversary of when you and Osamu Dazai released your hugely successful first and only album Double Black and its diamond single Corruption. After performing with Dazai earlier this year, are you planning anything special to celebrate? '

Chuuya knows the answer. The answer has been drilled into him since he 'd been eighteen years old.

I 'm not allowed to comment on ongoing Port Mafia Records legal disputes.

He 'd said it a thousand times. It 's on the tip of his tongue.

(

You 're a musician who 's terrified of music,

says Dazai in his mind, voice full of mockery.)

Instead, what comes out is, 'Corruption is insanely overrated, and I would prefer to never hear Dazai 's voice for the rest of my fucking life. '

His interview 's jaw drops open in shock.

Oh

fuck

, thinks Chuuya as he realizes what he just did.

Chuuya 's phone is already exploding as he walks out of the building where he 'd done the interview. He sighs as he reads some of the texts.

(He knows he should probably regret what he said. He can 't quite bring himself to.)

[Lemon Fucker 12:20pm]: I LITERALLY HAVEN 'T STOPPED LAUGHING SINCE I SAW IT

[Lemon Fucker 12:20pm]: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

[Lemon Fucker 12:20pm]: YOU ARE MY HERO

[Lemon Fucker 12:21pm]: MY HERO BABY RED

Chuuya rolls his eyes, not bothering to reply. There 's also texts from Tachihara and Gin, a mixture of supportive and worried. One message in particular catches his eye.

[Ryuunosuke Akutagawa 12:34pm]: Good luck.

It feels slightly like karma after he 'd lectured Akutagawa after his outburst about Atsushi all those months ago.

Chuuya takes a deep breath. Then, for what is the first time after many months of extremely good behavior, he smashes his phone against the pavement.

'I didn 't plan to do that, ' is the first thing Chuuya says as he walks into Mori 's office. He can hear the panic in his own voice. 'It just slipped out. '

'Take a seat, Chuuya, ' says Mori, cheerful smile in place.

His expression gives Chuuya no indication of Mori 's actual mood though. Fuck, he can 't even remember the last time he 'd been genuinely nervous to speak to Mori. They had settled into being almost equals over the last couple years, Chuuya had worked hard to earn his trust. If he had fucked it all up over Dazai of all things he doesn 't even know what he 's going to do.

Chuuya keeps his face as neutral as he can though as he takes a seat across from Mori, crossing his arms so he can hide the slight trembling of his hands. He 's so jumbled up he could puke.

'Calm down, Chuuya, ' says Mori lightly, obviously picking up on his nerves. 'I 'm not angry. ' His smile becomes a little more genuine. 'Honestly, I always suspected this would happen some day. I 'm surprised it took this long. '

'What do we do next? ' asks Chuuya, feeling the relief wash over him. Although he didn 't like the implication that Mori had been waiting for him to screw up.

'I doubt we really have to do anything, ' says Mori, looking more calculating than amused now. 'The tumultuous nature of your and Dazai 's relationship has never really been a secret. I probably should have expected this after forcing you to perform at that fundraiser together. ' He shrugs. 'It 'll probably end up working out in our favor. People love a good scandal. '

'That being said, it would be best if there weren 't any more slip ups, ' says Mori, giving Chuuya a cold look. 'Or we 'll be having a very different conversation. '

'It won 't happen again, ' promises Chuuya immediately. 'I swear. '

'I trust that it won 't, ' says Mori, going back to his light and cheery tone. 'I don 't think Dazai and the ADA will do anything to fuel the fire now that we 've resolved to not get in each other 's way. It should all blow over soon. '

Chuuya has to dig his nails into his palms to not say anything about Dazai not needing to respond (because he can keep his temper? Because he doesn 't care? Any reason feels just as shitty.) But he keeps a smile on his face. 'I 'm sure it will. '

Early October, Three Months & Three Weeks Until the Release of Arahabaki

Dazai 's first reaction when he 'd heard the interview had been surprised for the most part. He 'd thought Chuuya was PMR 's perfectly trained dog. The look of surprise on the interviewer 's face had been amusing too. Dazai had wondered what Mori 's reaction would be then decided what happened at PMR truly did not concern him, or rather he didn 't want it too.

Beyond that, he hadn 't really allowed himself to think about it. Kunikida had demanded he not respond, and he 'd agreed not to. He and Tanizaki had finished the final edits on Light Snow, and he was now in the process of recording it. Dazai had hoped the satisfaction of getting the music right would linger, but it had dissipated almost instantly.

So he 's now back to assisting Atsushi with his album. It 's distinctly different than working with Tanizaki. What he 'd said to Tanizaki had been true, Atsushi had progressed in leaps and bounds in terms of gaining confidence since he 'd met him. But doubts like those aren 't so easy to shake. Atsushi still doesn 't trust himself completely when it comes to music. He still looks to Dazai for approval, and he still hesitates when their opinions differ.

Atsushi 's music is also very different from Tanizaki 's. It 's almost jarring going from one to the other. Atsushi is still finding his sound, Tanizaki had solidified his. Dazai also doesn 't want to interfere with that process for Atsushi really. He 's already a little worried how much of an influence he 's having on his music.

Dazai doesn 't want Atsushi to ever suffer from the kind of second-guessing he 's been dealing with over the past month and a half. He wonders what his own music what have turned out like if it hadn 't been for Chuuya, or Odasaku, or Kunikida. Then again he also wonders if he ever would have even tried to write anything for himself if he hadn 't wanted to put an end to his ex-partner 's musical anguish. Probably not.

Regardless, the interview is just another wiggle of the knife in the wound that he 'd been dealing with since he 'd been eighteen. Chuuya had already made it quite clear how little he valued their partnership, he was just being honest about it in public now. It shouldn 't make a difference, shouldn 't sting (it still did.)

Kunikida had only brought it up the one time and then dropped it. Ranpo had just given him a look that had made him very, very uncomfortable that he 'd decided to ignore. Tanizaki had made a comment about how Chuuya was the one who was overrated which Dazai brushed off as kindly as he could (and then had to work very hard not to spit in Tanizaki 's beverage after they 'd come to a sort of understanding after working together on Light Snow.) Atsushi had asked him about it the day it happened but accepted Dazai 's excuses easily enough to get back to working on the album.

Dazai has kept a smile in place as he 's gone about his days, and it doesn 't slip at all as he tags along to one of Atsushi 's interviews. He 's still in high demand after his show stopping performance at the fundraiser. The ADA doesn 't want to let him disappear from the spotlight, so they 're making an effort to keep him in the public eye from time to time.

After the interview when they get stopped by a couple of press outside the studio, Dazai 's smile becomes a tad more genuine. He lets them ask Atsushi questions about his upcoming album. He 'd never had a problem with patience. Then one of the reporters finally works up the courage and turns to him.

'Dazai, recently Chuuya Nakahara claimed that your joint single

Corruption

was overrated and that he never wanted to collaborate with you again. Do you have a response? ' comes the question.

Dazai had possibly had an idea that this would happen when he 'd offered to tag along with Atsushi. He had also possibly been lying spectacularly when he 'd told Kunikida he 'd let Chuuya 's comments go unchallenged. He 'd never backed down in a conflict with Chuuya since he 'd been fifteen, and that was another thing that was unlikely to change.

Dazai has several variations of a response he could give. Indifference has always been an effective way to taunt Chuuya. He could also make it into a joke, make the whole thing come off as nonsense. He knows that would infuriate Chuuya.

(

The music you write isn 't really worth anything,

says Chuuya with a cruel laugh.)

When it comes down to it, it isn 't logic that prompts his choice. His response comes automatically.

'I know how much

Corruption

means to so many people, ' says Dazai dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. 'I was appalled to hear Chuuya try to diminish it like that. He 's just bitter because any new music he puts out is always going to pale in comparison to

Corruption

. Chuuya Nakahara has peaked, and it 's causing him to lash out. He doesn 't know how to write real or true music anymore. '

'I actually had a different strategy in mind, ' says Chuuya as he stands in front of Mori 's desk after hearing Dazai 's interview. He 's still practically trembling with the adrenaline and fury he 'd felt after he 'd read the words. He 'd come straight here, too hyped up to wait after he 'd come to his decision (and also a little scared that if he gave himself too much time to think he 'd change his mind.)

'Did you now? ' Mori raises a brow. 'What did you have in mind? '

'Two things, ' says Chuuya. He smiles widely then, feeling his sense of anticipation growing. 'I 'm going to need your assistance on the first one though. '

'Let 's hear it, ' says Mori, smiling himself.

'For the first, I need you to make a deal with the ADA to fix all this PR bullshit, ' says Chuuya, waving a hand dismissively. 'Whatever you come up with is fine. ' He pause a little before his next sentence, feeling the weight of it. 'The second is I would like to request to start working on a solo album. '

It had been one thing for Dazai to accuse him of being a failure in private (a devastating, gut wrenching thing), but it was another one entirely to

do it publicly.

Chuuya has never been angrier in his entire life. He 'd been tempted to destroy his entire apartment, his phone not satisfactory enough.

But it had also reinforced everything he 'd been thinking to himself since the words had come out of Dazai 's mouth after that fucking fundraiser. Chuuya doesn 't

want

Dazai to be right. He wants to prove him wrong, to prove that he 's a fucking musician and always has been.

Instead of an insult (or just an insult), it had felt like a challenge, and Chuuya has yet to ever back down from a challenge from Dazai. Despite the many changes in their relationship over the years, it 's an instinct that 's impossible to resist.

Mori 's grin is practically blinding. 'Of course. I 'll shift your other projects around. It should be fine, especially now with Francis on board. I 'll make it work. You just worry about the music. ' Mori 's face turns contemplative. 'We 'll have to decide how to approach this from a marketing angle. We could create a lot of interest leading up to it. People have been clamoring for you to do a solo album for years. '

'I was thinking January 25th for a release date, ' says Chuuya, keeping his voice casual, as if this weren 't essential (though Mori can probably see through it easily.) 'Surprise album. '

'Were you now? ' asks Mori, eyebrows raised. 'That 's quite an accelerated timeline. '

'I practically have the entire thing already written, ' says Chuuya confidently. There 's really only one song that he 's actually worried about, but he 's pushing that out of his mind for now. One thing at a time. 'That won 't be a problem. Can you make it happen? '

'If that 's what you need, ' says Mori, a little less enthusiastic than earlier. Then his face gets smug again. 'Tour? '

'Of course, ' agrees Chuuya easily. If he 's going to do this, he 's going to do it full out. He 's already excited, picturing himself on stage again without any of the bullshit he 'd dealt with during his last performance.

'I 'll start making preparations, ' says Mori, eyes flashing through calculations. 'Is that all? Did you have a producer in mind? Kouyou? Hirotsu? '

'I was thinking you, ' says Chuuya, trying to make his tone casual. He knows it 's a strange request. But when he 'd thought about it, there really isn 't anyone else he would want.

Chuuya doesn 't think he 's ever surprised Mori this many times in one encounter. Mori gives Chuuya a blank look. 'You were thinking me? ' He raises an eyebrow. 'I don 't exactly produce anymore. '

'I know, ' says Chuuya, shrugging slightly. 'I don 't really need help on the music end. But some of the things I want to write about are, well 'difficult for me to talk about with other people. ' He looks Mori in the eyes. 'You already know all of those details, I know you 'd focus on the music rather than being preoccupied about any of that."

'Personal details about your family? ' asks Mori, understanding what he means automatically. It 's not a subject they 've touched on much since Mori had taken care of his mom 's parents all those years ago. Chuuya has always been grateful for that, but he couldn 't write a solo album if he kept avoiding things.

'That and all that stuff that comes with it, ' says Chuuya with a sigh. 'I don 't care that you know, ' he says plainly. 'I never have. You 've never treated me any differently because of anything. But you 're the only one I trust to be objective and tell me whether the music is good or not because you can look beyond any personal feelings. '

'The suffering of the people I care about is not meaningless to me, ' says Mori flatly. He almost sounds a touch angry at the insinuation.

'I know that, ' says Chuuya seriously. 'I know you. But I also know you 'd never put that over what 's best for Port Mafia Records. '

'I 'm not going to deny that, ' says Mori. He nods thoughtfully. Then he gives Chuuya a light smile, both amused and almost fond. 'But if you want to meet this deadline of yours I suggest you get to work."

'Sure thing, Boss, ' says Chuuya, smirking as he stands up to leave. 'Thanks for everything. '

'I 'm looking forward to hearing about your progress, ' says Mori lightly, tone full of expectation.

'What part of you are not to retaliate did you not understand? ' asks Kunikida the second he walks in the door of the ADA, voice coming out in almost a shriek.

Dazai takes a deep breath. He had prepared himself for this reaction, but that didn 't make it any more pleasant to deal with. 'It 's really not that big of a deal. '

Kunikida gives him an incredulous look. 'Not a big deal? ' he asks vehemently. He gestures with his hands angrily. 'The phones have been ringing nonstop, it 's all anyone can talk about on social media. How is that

not a big deal

? '

'Double Black has never been known for being especially amicable, ' says Dazai dismissively. 'Could actually bring a PR boost, people love a good scandal. '

Kunikida 's expression darkens rather than looking relieved. 'That 's not what concerns me, ' says Kunikida, clearly trying not to yell. 'What 's concerning is your blatant disregard for what we 'd agreed on because of a ridiculous feud! ' His attempts at not yelling do not pan out.

'Ridiculous? ' repeats Dazai, his own tone going sharp. His gaze as he looks at Kunikida is cold. 'You shouldn 't talk about things that you know nothing about. '

'Stop it, ' cuts in Atsushi harshly, shocking both of them. He 'd been quiet as he 'd walked in behind Dazai. But he 's glaring at the both of them now. 'This isn 't helping anything. We should be working together, not attacking each other. '

Kunikida looks severely chastised, and quite guilty. 'I 'm sorry, Atsushi. You 're right. '

'I 'm not who you owe an apology to, ' says Atsushi, not softening up.

'I apologize, Dazai, ' says Kunikida a bit stiffly. He makes himself look Dazai in the eyes though. 'It 's clearly a more delicate situation than I realized, and I should have been more cognizant of that. '

'That 's unnecessary, ' says Dazai, his anger fading completely, being replaced by his own guilt and seemingly never-ending frustration. He hadn 't wanted to take out anything on Kunikida. 'It was selfish. You 're not wrong. '

'It 's alright, ' says Kunikida, shaking his head. 'We were both at fault. The president isn 't angry, and his opinion is the one that matters ultimately. ' He sighs. 'I 'm going to go check on Tanizaki. ' Kunikida doesn 't look back as he walks away.

Dazai watches him go with a slight pang in his stomach. He turns to Atsushi and puts on a smile. 'It was also selfish of me to take over your press like that. '

'I don 't care about that, ' says Atsushi, shaking his head. He gives Dazai a look that 's blatantly worried. 'I just want to know how you 're doing. It isn 't like you to be antagonistic towards PMR in the press. '

The words

I 'm fine

are ready, but Atsushi 's expression keeps them from coming out. Dazai doesn 't want to lie to Atsushi after he 'd stuck up for him. The pang in his stomach grows.

'I 'd prefer not to talk about it, ' says Dazai honestly, smiling without joy. 'If you don 't mind. '

'That 's fine, ' says Atsushi, though he doesn 't hide his disappointment completely. 'We could if you wanted to though. '

'I 'd rather we worked on music, ' says Dazai, his grin becoming a tiny bit more sincere. It might not drive away everything he 's feeling completely, but it 's his best option.

'Sure, ' says Atsushi, smiling back. 'I 'll grab the song we were working on. '

Chuuya is sitting at the piano in the front room of his apartment when Kouyou walks in, sorting through the piles of sheet music he 'd accumulated over the years. It 's possible his organization system had not been great. He knows there 's worthwhile stuff in the stack, he just doesn 't know where it is.

'So it 's true, ' says Kouyou, voice carefully neutral. 'You 're going to do a solo album. '

'Mori told you then, ' says Chuuya, spinning around on the bench to face her. He 'd expected a response from her, she 's one of the few people he 's ever confided in about his doubts about making an album.

'Chuuya, ' says Kouyou, her expression hard to read, 'Revenge is not a good reason to release music. '

Chuuya could point out that

Golden Demon

and that entire album had been filled with spite, but he doesn 't. He isn 't looking to start a fight, but he isn 't going to back down from his decision. He 's never been more sure of anything.

'He said that I

peaked

, Kouyou, ' says Chuuya, letting his rage at the accusation show. Just because he 'd found motivation in it didn 't mean he 'd gotten over how pissed he is.

'And since when do you let him get in your head like this? ' asks Kouyou, frowning in disapproval. She crosses her arms.

'Because he was fucking

right

, Kouyou, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. 'Not about me peaking, that 's bullshit. ' He rolls his eyes, then continues on more seriously. 'But what he said about me at the fundraiser, he was right. ' He looks Kouyou right in the eyes. 'There wasn 't a thing he said that I haven 't thought to myself deep down a thousand times. I

have

been a coward, and it

is

pathetic. ' He holds up a hand before she can defend him. 'And it doesn 't matter if you don 't think I 'm a failure, it matters that I

do.

'

'And I 'm fucking sick of it, ' continues Chuuya, throwing out his hands in frustration. 'I 'm sick of running. I 'm sick of lying and keeping up appearances. I want to make music, real music, for myself, not anyone else. I 'm doing this for me, not him. I 'm ready now. I 'm going to write the best album anyone has ever heard, and it 's going to outsell fucking Double Black and

Corruption

by a mile. '

Kouyou looks at him for a long moment. Then she nods and walks over to the piano to join him in looking at his mess of sheet music. 'Well, alright then. Show me what you 've got so far. ' She gives him a small smile.

Chuuya 's own smile as he looks at her is huge. 'Okay, then, ' he says excitedly. 'I 'm not going for a certain genre or anything. But I do have a theme for the album: honesty. '

Later that night, Chuuya picks at the sand with his fingers, the sounds of the waves gently crashing on the shore around him. It 's a clear night, the moon making the water visible even at one in the morning. Chuuya is sitting on a quiet stretch of beach, there 's no one else in sight and even the city noise of L.A. seems far away.

The smell of salt in the air is comforting. There 's a line in an old Isak Dinesen song that he finds fitting:

the cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.

Chuuya had known he would end up here even before he 'd talked to Mori, it had been an inevitability. He 'd pushed it to the back of his mind in order to accomplish his goals, but the time for running away had come to a close.

Because he knows if he 's going to write an album, there 's a certain song he has to tackle first, a song that has been plaguing him directly and indirectly since he 'd been sixteen. He won 't be able to get very far if he doesn 't confront this, if he keeps letting it slowly poison himself year after year.

It 's time for him to finish

Arahabaki.

It sounds like such a simple thing, all he has to do is write one song. Chuuya has helped to write countless songs before. This one is already partially written even. It shouldn 't be this daunting, shouldn 't make him freeze up with fear every single time he even thinks about the melody.

You 're a musician who 's terrified of music,

whispers Dazai in his head. It had hit as hard as it did because it was the truth. Not all music, but this one song. His fear of this one song feels like it had slowly gnawed away at him ever since he 'd written the first notes.

Chuuya doesn 't want to let it anymore. But he isn 't interested in writing another

Corruption.

He 's not going to torture himself like that night after night again. He won 't. That isn 't an option.

But the song persists like a parasite, feeding off him without him being able to find the cure. Despite how human Dazai had always made him feel in the past, Chuuya knows he isn 't it. Chuuya will never understate how much that had meant to him, will never stop being grateful (even if he 'd said he 'd fucking peaked). But in the end, Dazai 's opinion on whether he 's human or not isn 't the one that matters.

This isn 't about Dazai, or Arthur, or even about his mom really. It 's about him. If Chuuya wants to write an honest album, he has to start being honest with himself.

He has to be honest about why he persists on believing he isn 't human, why he isn 't worthy of being one.

For many years, Chuuya had hidden behind the excuse that it didn 't matter whether he thought of himself as human or not. He 'd claimed it wasn 't important as long as he had his family and his music. But while that had been more convenient, it wasn 't the truth, it

did

matter.

Chuuya had always hoped deep down that there would be a moment, something that would happen that would change things. He 'd lived his entire life waiting for the day he 'd start to feel human, start to let this go. He 'd wanted that so badly, more than anything. Chuuya would have given up anything, even music, to just for one fucking second to not carry around this burden anymore.

The moment had never come though. Even with Dazai or Arthur, who made him feel so human, made him desire to be one so much, it had never been enough. Nothing he did ever changed it. Not music, not friendship, not family, not love. His life is so full, but he still hasn 't rid himself of this emptiness.

Chuuya stares at the ocean, wishing it could give him an answer. He pulls up his knees and rests his head on them, staring as one wave crashes, recedes, and then becomes another. Even his attachment to the ocean is defined by his lack of humanity. It feels like there 's almost nothing in his life it hasn 't tainted.

Chuuya had expected the sea to be the only thing from Dinesen 's song he 'd need, but his eyes start watering beyond his control. He doesn 't even remember the last time he 'd cried. He 'd almost stripped himself of the habit completely when he 'd entered the foster care system, the other kids had not been kind about that kind of display.

Chuuya sniffles and wipes off his face with his sweatshirt sleeve, feeling ridiculously pathetic. He 'd been so fucking confident when he 'd marched into Mori 's office and told him he was ready to do a solo album. He can 't even imagine the shame of having to tell him he 'd been wrong.

You are human,

insists Arthur in his head.

The music you write is the most achingly human thing I 've ever heard,

echoes Dazai. It hurts more than it helps.

Why were they so convinced? What do they really know about Chuuya? They don 't know how empty he really is. He 'd become so adept at pretending to be human, they 'd probably just bought the act.

Do you want to know why you and I are so miserable?

his mom asks, agreeing with him.

Because you 're stuck with me and I wanted to have a human child.

He misses her sometimes. It 's so fucked up. She 'd literally tried to

kill

him. But once in a while he thinks about sitting next to her on a piano, or being dragged to some bizarre restaurant with her, and he wishes things could have been different.

Chuuya swallows roughly. He knows one thing for certain, he doesn 't want to end up like his mom. He doesn 't want to let the darkest parts of him consume himself until there 's nothing left. He won 't, he can 't.

His thoughts start to turn. Maybe his mistake had been waiting for something to happen to make him feel human. If the people he loves the most in this world hadn 't fixed things, why should some abstract event change anything? If music, the thing he loves most in the world, hadn 't fixed it, why should anything else?

Maybe it 's not about waiting to feel human

, thinks Chuuya to himself as he stands up and walks towards the water.

Maybe it 's about making a decision '

Arahabaki

is

his

song, and he 's the one who decides what it means. It doesn 't have to be a song about how he isn 't human. He can make it into a song about how he

is.

'My name is Chuuya Nakahara, ' says Chuuya, voice coming out thick and shaky after the crying and lack of use, 'And I 'm a human. ' It comes out unsure.

Chuuya clears his throat, pointing a finger out at the ocean. 'Listen up universe, you motherfucking pile of shit, ' he says with more fire, 'I am a human fucking being. '

'I am not, nor have I ever been, a force of destruction, ' continues Chuuya loudly. 'Arahabaki is a story, and I am a real person. '

He laughs, even though a fresh stream of tears are flowing down his face. Of course, it isn 't that he totally lets go of all his doubts and insecurities, that the hollowness inside him fades away. That would be way too fucking simple.

But Chuuya is making a choice, a declaration that instead of allowing his past to hold him back he 's going to actively try to believe in his humanity. He 's no longer going to wait for something to make him feel human, he 's going to live his life as if he is human. It 's slightly terrifying in a different way, but Chuuya is through with letting cowardice rule him.

'I 'm not sure whether I 'm good at it or not, ' says Chuuya with a shrug, a hint of a smile on his face. 'But I 'm a god damn human. '

The ocean waves keep crashing, not altered by his words or the shift in his entire worldview. Chuuya's smile grows at the sounds of the water ebbing and flowing, reminded of a song he 'd started what feels like ages ago.

Chuuya 's smile remains as he starts to trudge up the sand back to his bike. He still has an album to write.

Chuuya walks into Kouyou 's office with a piece of sheet music in hand, but the redhead who looks up when he enters isn 't the one he 'd been expecting.

'Oh, ' says Lucy, not hiding her displeasure. She gives him a sour look from her spot lying down on the couch. 'It 's you. '

She almost looks like a completely different person from when he 'd first seen her perform with The Guild. Kouyou had forced her to see an orthodontist to get clear braces almost immediately after she 'd gotten to L.A. and forbid her from wearing her hair in pigtails for the foreseeable future. Kouyou had also made her throw out most of her old clothes and taken her to buy new ones (which had sounded like the shopping trip from hell from Kouyou 's description.)

While her appearance had changed, her (shitty) attitude remains pretty much the same. Kouyou is still out of sorts looking for what to do to break through to her, though Chuuya 's been too distracted by his own album to pay as much attention as he used to. He 's been writing like crazy. Finishing

Arahabaki

had felt like taking his first breath of air after being trapped in a fire. But despite having snippets and piece of other songs, he still has a long way to go if he actually wants to release his yet to be named album by January 25th.

He 'd come to the office for the first time in a week and a half to ask Kouyou 's opinion on the song he 's writing now. He 's having some trouble with the opening, it sounds dull. Chuuya is not going to release his first solo album with music that could ever be called

dull.

'Have you seen Kouyou? ' asks Chuuya, barely resisting rolling his eyes at her antics. Had he been this annoying when he was a teenager?

'Nope," says Lucy, popping the p obnoxiously. 'We were supposed to meet, but she cancelled. '

Chuuya doesn 't resist rolling his eyes this time. 'Then what are you doing here? '

'Don 't really have anywhere else to be, ' says Lucy with a slight shrug. 'Didn 't think anyone would bother me if I was in the executive suite. ' She gives Chuuya a look that conveys he 's ruining that for her.

Chuuya snorts. At least she 's funnier than Akutagawa had been in his sullenness. Lucy 's expression doesn 't change, clearly waiting for him to leave.

Fuck, she kind of reminds him of himself too though. Not himself now, but himself at thirteen, before he 'd met The Sheep. The anger, the attitude, the refusal to let anyone in, even if they were trying to help you.

Damn, Kouyou is right, he had probably been a nightmare when she 'd first met him. If he hadn 't been so intimidated by Kouyou he 'd probably have been just like Lucy. But Lucy clearly isn 't afraid of Kouyou like he 'd been. Chuuya doesn 't know if that 's impressive or stupid.

'Did Kouyou say where she was going? ' asks Chuuya, trying to keep his impatience out of his tone. He 's also slightly irritated that he can 't solve this problem himself. He tries not to think about how he 'd used to work with someone who was perfect at this part of songwriting.

'Didn 't ask, ' says Lucy, turning away from Chuuya and pulling out her phone. 'Don 't care. '

Chuuya narrows his eyes at her, scowling a little. He walks over to the piano and sets his sheet music on it, jumping up to sit on top of it. He crosses his arms and looks down at Lucy, who scowls in return when she notices he 's not leaving. She huffs and sets her phone down, sitting up a little to give him a dirty look properly.

'Can I give you some advice? ' asks Chuuya, not put off by her glare.

'If I say no are you going to not give it? ' asks Lucy flatly, raising an eyebrow.

'No, I 'm still going to give it anyway, ' says Chuuya, having to fight off another laugh. 'You 're 'unpleasant, ' he says plainly, wrinkling his nose. 'You should work on that."

Lucy 's aloof demeanor fades for real anger. 'You don 't know anything about me, ' she snaps, her voice getting lower and louder. 'You 've literally had everything handled to you on a golden platter since you were fifteen. ' She sneers at him. 'What right do you have to look down on me? '

'My father died before I ever met him, ' replies Chuuya casually. 'My mother committed suicide when I was seven. I was there. '

Lucy 's eyes widen and her sneer is replaced by shock. She looks lost at what to say. Chuuya is a little surprised himself at how easily the words had come, he can 't remember ever jumping right into the subject without dancing around the details. But part of being a human is not hiding from who he is or what he 's been through, especially if he can use it somehow to help this girl, who he still likes quite a bit despite the many reasons she 's given him not to.

'I 'm not trying to play who had the worse childhood with you, ' says Chuuya, half smiling and shaking his head. 'I 'm just trying to say I

do

get it, more than you probably know. I get being angry and bitter. ' He frowns. 'Hell, I 'm still angry and bitter. I don 't think that ever really goes away. ' Chuuya looks Lucy in the eyes, softening his expression. 'Just don 't take it out on other people. It never makes anything better. '

'Then what did you do with it? ' asks Lucy so quietly he has to strain to hear her, she 's looking at her hands instead of him. 'All that anger? '

'Some of it I put into music, ' answers Chuuya, running a hand through his hair. 'Some of it I pushed away. ' He pulls his legs up on the piano to sit cross-legged. 'What helped me the most was finding things that made me feel something other than anger. ' He gives her another smile. 'Shitty childhoods don 't doom you to a shitty life. '

'Not all of us have those things, ' says Lucy, going back to anger. It comes off more bitter than biting though.

'Well, they don 't just fall into your lap, ' says Chuuya sardonically, rolling his eyes. 'You have to try to get them. Let people in. Don 't be such a brat when people are trying to help you. '

Lucy does a tiny scoff and looks to the side. 'What people? People only want to keep me around because I can sing. Nobody cares about

me.

'

'Are you fucking kidding me? ' asks Chuuya, giving her an incredulous look. 'Kouyou has been bending over backwards to try and help you. She 's not trying to take advantage of you, ' says Chuuya dismissively. 'She 'd never waste her time with something like that. She really believes in you. '

Lucy looks at him with wide eyes again, then looks away quickly. 'I didn 't even think she liked me, ' she says, still not looking at him. She picks at the ends of her hair. 'She 's always telling me that everything I do is wrong. '

'I 've never seen her try so hard to make someone successful, ' says Chuuya sincerely. 'Not with me, or Kyouka, or even herself. ' Lucy looks back towards him and he meets her gaze. 'She 's fighting so hard

for

you, not against you. Kouyou isn 't one to share her feelings, but I know she really cares about you. '

Lucy doesn 't seem to know what to say to that, she looks down again and crosses her arms.

'And I bet she 's not the only one, ' says Chuuya lightly, smiling warmly despite her not looking. 'Look, I 've always been shit at letting people help me too. I 'm trying to get better at it. '

Lucy doesn 't answer, so Chuuya figures they 're done with the subject. He looks down at his sheet music again, frowning in contemplation. 'Hey, do you want to give me a hand with this? '

'With what? ' asks Lucy hesitantly. It comes off as a genuine question instead of angry like before though.

'Writing a song, ' says Chuuya. He hops off the piano and grabs the sheet music, walking over towards the couch and taking a seat on the arm on the side Lucy is sitting on. He toes off his shoes and swings his feet onto the couch (one did not put their shoes on Kouyou 's couch.)

'You want

me

to help you with songwriting? ' asks Lucy, looking kind of bewildered.

'You don 't exactly look busy, ' he says, raising an eyebrow.

Her eyes narrow at him. 'I 've only ever written one song before. '

'Yeah,

Anne of Abyssal Red

, ' says Chuuya, smirking a little. 'You know,

Beast Beneath the Moonlight

and

Demon Snow

were more musically complex, but if I had to pick a favorite it would have been yours. ' He points a finger at her threateningly. 'But never tell Kyouka that. '

'I thought she didn 't work here anymore, ' says Lucy, clearly confused.

'She doesn 't, ' says Chuuya simply. 'We get ice cream. You should come some time. '

Lucy 's confusion grows rather than lessens. But she shakes her head and looks at the sheet music he 's holding. 'Who are you writing a song for? '

Chuuya smiles at her widely. 'Me, ' he says lightly. 'I 'm doing a solo album. '

'You are? ' asks Lucy, voice coming out loud for how close they are. Her face flushes.

'Yeah, ' says Chuuya, grin getting even bigger. 'It 's a secret though. Keep your mouth shut. '

'Why are you telling me? ' asks Lucy, still looking a little flustered.

'I like you, even though you 're unpleasant, ' he says with a laugh. 'You 're not boring, that 's for sure. Your attitude isn 't devoid of humor like Ryuu 's. '

Lucy scowls, losing her embarrassment. 'We 've met, ' she says shortly. Then she looks at the sheet music again. Her eyes flick up and she gives him an expectant look. 'Well, so what 's this song about? '

Her haughtiness makes him laugh again. 'It 's a song about a man I used to know, ' says Chuuya. 'His name was Arthur Rimbaud. '

Dazai hadn 't settled on how Chuuya would react to his answering interview, he 'd always been hard to predict. He 'd had a few ideas though, none of which involved him seemingly not reacting at all. It didn 't make sense after he 'd been the one to start this in the first place. In general, Chuuya wasn 't known for starting fights he didn 't intend to finish.

Dazai is trying to not think about it though, it isn 't helpful. This is probably for the best anyway. He and Kunikida had smoothed things out after their disagreement fairly quickly, but Dazai still hadn 't enjoyed it. It had reminded him a little too much of PMR, of when his work life had been full of confrontations and competing interests. He

likes

how everyone at the ADA gets along, how they genuinely all like each other. Dazai finds that more valuable than a lot of the music they put out.

So Dazai has been doing his best to not start any more arguments (or real arguments, he still likes to mess with Kunikida. The man would get bored if he didn 't.)

The office has been peaceful for the most part. Tanizaki is getting close to finishing his album, and they're going to release it in November. Despite Francis being a scumbag, he 'd had a point about comprehensive marketing plans. They 're taking their time to make sure the release is a success.

Dazai is also aware now that Francis has taken a spot as the fifth executive of Port Mafia Records. Mori is, as always, the cleverest demon in music. It 's both hilarious and disgusting. It 's another thing he 's putting out of his mind (the list is getting astronomically long, even for him.)

Atsushi 's album is 'a bit trickier than he 'd thought it would be. Some of the songs they 're written have been excellent.

Forebodings

and

Waxing and Waning

in particular are exceptional.

But then there are other songs that Dazai feels are just scratching the surface of their potential. Dazai doesn 't expect every song to be a masterpiece, but he knows that Atsushi is capable of writing extraordinary music.

Beast Beneath the Moonlight

is proof of that. Dazai keeps waiting for him to pull off another song of that caliber, but so far it hasn 't happened.

It 's complicated further by the fact that the songs Dazai feels are the weakest are the ones that involve Atsushi 's feelings about himself and his past. It would be callous to dismiss them outright. Dazai is still wary in the back of his mind of ending up in another Akutagawa situation.

Atsushi hasn 't shown any indication he 's dissatisfied with any of the songs. The only concern he 's raised about the music is worrying if it 's vocally challenging enough. When Dazai had asked him about it he 'd muttered something about Akutagawa and then changed the subject.

Dazai had contemplated if he were projecting onto the situation because of his own difficulties, but he 'd dismissed that after he kept coming to the same conclusion over and over again. Dazai had been mentored by Mori, and with that came a plethora of things, one of them being an above average ability to compartmentalize. Dazai simply just finds some of the music 'lacking.

Until he figures out how to address the problem he 's pushing Atsushi towards the songs that do show promise and subtly avoiding working on the others. So far it 's worked, but Dazai knows it 's not a permanent solution. But until he finds one Dazai isn 't going to crush Atsushi 's creativity (not when he 's been on the receiving hand of that sensation.)

It 's late in the afternoon now, and he and Atsushi are taking a break in the main office. Kenji and Kyouka are in the office with school being done for the day. Ranpo and Kenji are talking by Ranpo 's desk, though it 's more Ranpo bragging and Kenji complementing him (it 's why the two get along swimmingly.) Kyouka is sipping a cup of tea at Atsushi 's desk, talking to him quietly about his music. Dazai is sitting at his own desk, playing a game on his phone absentmindedly until Atsushi is done talking to Kyouka and they can get back to work.

The door to the office opens then, and a girl with long red hair walks in, a determined expression on her face. The rest of the office goes quiet, it 's been a while since they 've had an unexpected guest.

'I forgot how small this place is, ' says the girl as she walks in and looks around, and it 's the voice that makes Dazai realize who she is. Lucy Maud Montgomery looks almost like a different person than the last time he 'd seen her. She 'd ditched the schoolgirl look completely, hair straight and wearing a simple dark green dress.

'Lucy? ' asks Atsushi, his voice coming out loud and incredulous. He would have broken the mug he 'd been holding if Kyouka hadn 't moved to catch it before it fell.

'Did you forget who I am? ' asks Lucy hotly, crossing her arms. Her eyes narrow as she glares at Atsushi.

'Of course not! ' Atsushi throws up his hands in innocence. 'You just look really different. Good different! ' he clarifies quickly. 'Not that you didn 't look good before! ' Atsushi adds, voice getting more frantic as he continues.

'You said to come see you again the next time I was in L.A, ' says Lucy, looking off to the side. 'I 've been busy settling in with PMR, so it took a while. I thought that you meant it. '

'I did mean it! ' exclaims Atsushi, coming around his desk to talk to her face to face. He scratches the back of his head sheepishly. 'I just thought you would, like, text or something first. '

'You didn 't give me your number, ' says Lucy flatly, her expression equally flat.

Dazai hears Ranpo softly call out a boo and has to smother a snort. Atsushi shoots him a quick dirty look, and Dazai almost loses it again.

'Forget it, ' says Lucy, shaking her head. She turns back towards the door. 'You 're clearly busy. '

'I 'm not busy! ' says Atsushi hurriedly, grabbing her wrist before she gets far. 'You just surprised me. ' He smiles at her warmly. 'Let 's get something from the cafe downstairs, catch up, ' he offers, just a hint of pink on his face.

Lucy 's face meanwhile is almost as red as her hair. 'Fine, ' she agrees haughtily. She starts stalking off towards the door, looking over her shoulder as she goes. 'Are you coming or what? '

'Coming, ' says Atsushi, jerking into motion to follow her. He waves over his shoulder as he walks out the door.

Dazai watches the door shut with raised eyebrows, looking over at Ranpo to see him with a similarly amused expression. This is the same Atsushi who had barely wanted to take breaks from working on his album since the fundraiser, who gets irritated with Dazai when he asks him to ditch work.

'I didn 't know those two were close, ' says Dazai lightly. He doesn 't think he 's ever heard Atsushi mention her before except for saying he 'd liked her single when it first came out.

'They met at the fundraiser, ' speaks up Kyouka, surprising Dazai. She 's looking at the tea Atsushi had almost dropped unhappily. 'He says she 's really nice. '

'Huh, ' says Dazai, propping his legs up on his desk and resting his head on one of his hands. He turns to look at Kyouka, thinking about his discussion with Tanizaki from not too long ago. Atsushi had also been making some pointed and unsubtle comments about how it would be nice if he and Kyouka got to know each other better.

'Well, want to write a song while my prot 'g ' has abandoned me? ' he asks Kyouka, giving her a cheerful look. At the very least it would be better than waiting around for Atsushi. Dazai isn 't sure he 's going to come back today at all.

Kyouka gives him a blank look that is slightly unsettling. 'I 'm not recording music right now, ' she says flatly.

'You are allowed to write songs for people other than yourself, ' says Dazai, raising an eyebrow. He doesn 't know why a slight from a fourteen year old girl is getting to him so much. 'We could sell it. Or do nothing with it. That is allowed, you know. '

Kyouka gives him another long look. 'I suppose we could give it a try. ' Her tone is not entirely convincing.

Dazai has to fight not to roll his eyes. Teenagers could be so dramatic. He keeps his smile in place though. (He is

not

thinking about how the last song she 'd written had been with his ex-partner.)

'What kind of song were you thinking? ' asks Kyouka, coming to sit next to his desk with her mug of tea (which is not helping with the not thinking about Chuuya thing.)

'Well, what 's your favorite song? ' asks Dazai, hoping to get an idea of her taste in music.

Demon Snow

had been a rather abstract and fantastical song. Not exactly Dazai 's style, but he could give it a try if that 's what Kyouka wanted.

Kyouka gives him another long look, one he doesn 't understand. Then her expression softens for some reason. '

Aoto Zoshi Hana no Nishiki-e

, ' she answers, smiling just slightly.

'Kawatake Mokuami, ' says Dazai, nodding in appreciation. It 's certainly a step up from

Treasure Island.

'

Renjishi

has always been my favorite of his, though I don 't dislike

Aoto Zoshi Hana no Nishiki-e

. '

Kyouka laughs then, covering up her mouth with her hand to hide her giggling.

'What? ' asks Dazai, a little annoyed.

'It 's just, ' says Kyouka, trying to get ahold of herself, 'Everyone told me you were such a music snob. '

'He is, ' calls out Ranpo from his desk. Dazai doesn 't bother acknowledging him.

'It 's called having taste, ' he says to Kyouka, a slight smirk on his face. He brings out a blank piece of sheet music. 'So, do you want to write in Japanese or English? '

Chuuya feels slightly nostalgic as he walks into the practice room where The Black Lizards are playing. It feels like forever ago when he 'd been so pissed to spend all his time in one of these rooms with them. They 're getting close to being done with their third album, Landscape of the Soul (and Chuuya is possibly slightly bitter they don 't struggle at all to come up with album titles.)

He hangs out near the door after he enters, watching them play for a moment. It 's a song he 's never heard before,

In Obscurity.

Tachihara and Gin had perfected the rhythm section of their sound years ago. They keep giving the other subtle looks throughout the song that Chuuya doesn 't understand at all but that they clearly did. Kajii is in full swing, belting out the lyrics in his typical chaotic and unpolished delivery that Chuuya would never be able to replicate. Higuchi and him play off each other well, her usual haughty demeanor less present while she plays. Instead she matches Kajii 's smugness, sharing smirks with him as she plays the guitar expertly to the rock song.

Chuuya is surprised then when Tachihara cuts them off in the middle of the second chorus, stopping playing and sighing loudly.

'What? ' demands Kajii, spinning to face him angrily. 'What now? '

'Did you hear it? ' asks Tachihara to Gin, ignoring Kajii completely.

'I heard it, ' confirms Gin, which only seems to piss off Kajii even more by the way he bristles.

'Can you two stop being so, ' Higuchi gestures in disgust with the hand not holding her guitar, 'You two for five fucking seconds and tell us what you mean? '

'She didn 't use to swear this much, ' says Tachihara, still looking at Gin, smirking slightly now. 'I think it 's Kajii 's fault. '

Higuchi huffs dramatically, all of the cool she 'd displayed during the song disappearing. Kajii snickers a little too, which darkens her expression further.

She looks away from them in annoyance, which is why she notices Chuuya first. 'Oh, ' says Higuchi, frowning at him. 'What are you doing here? ' The others turn to see who she 's looking at.

'I need a favor, ' says Chuuya, smiling and coming into the room further. He stops at the cold looks he 's receiving from the band though.

'A favor, he says? ' asks Kajii, his voice mocking. He turns to Tachihara. 'A favor? After he 's basically ignored us for a fucking month? '

'The audacity of some people, ' says Tachihara, shaking his head.

'Truly unbelievable, ' adds Gin flatly.

'So if you 'll excuse us, ' says Higuchi snottily, 'We 're in the middle of a something. '

'Fuck off, I 've been busy, ' says Chuuya, scowling and crossing his arms.

He takes a deep breath, shrugging off his irritation. They certainly had a point. He had been pretty absent ever since he 'd started working on his album, and only a few people even know he 's working on one. Mori is keeping it pretty tightly under wraps, just like he 'd asked. His excuses for being gone had not been great either, he probably should have expected they 'd be pissed.

It 's not that he hadn 't wanted to tell his friends, he

had

been planning on it. Chuuya just honestly hadn 't gotten around to it yet. He 's pretty much been writing around the clock. He 's finished with well over half the album now, but he can 't let up if he wants to meet his deadline. Even this visit had a purpose.

'I 'm working on a solo album, ' announces Chuuya, smiling a little as Kajii and Higuchi 's faces go completely blank.

Then he 's caught off guard by the sound of drumsticks hitting the ground violently, and looks over to see Tachihara jumping up from his drum set. He rushes Chuuya and pulls him into a forceful hug.

'Fuck yeah you are, ' says Tachihara as he crushes him, his voice full of excitement. Chuuya shoves him away and grins at him widely.

'That 's awesome, Chuuya, ' says Gin as she appears next to them, flashing him a rare full smile.

'Fucking finally, ' says Kajii, but he 's possibly grinning the widest of all of them. 'Got sick of piggybacking off others? '

Higuchi comes forward too, smiling slightly. 'So what does the great Chuuya Nakahara need our help with? '

Chuuya rolls his eyes, but doesn 't stop smiling. 'Well, you see, there 's this song I 've been having some trouble with. ' His smile becomes more of a smirk. 'A rock song. But I just can 't get it right. ' Chuuya shrugs. 'It keeps coming out too

soft

, ' he says wryly. 'Maybe you guys could help me with it? '

Kajii cackles, looking absolutely delighted. He raises a hand to his chest. 'It would be our fucking pleasure, Baby Red. '

Early November, Two Months & Three Weeks Until the Release of Arahabaki

In all of the scenarios Dazai had envisioned of how Chuuya would respond to his comments, he 'd never foreseen him getting

Mori

to do an interview calling their argument insignificant and to make an agreement with Fukuzawa to call a PR ceasefire and play nice on the anniversary of the song that he wishes he 'd never hear again. It had been devastatingly efficient (and devastating in other ways as well.)

But while he 'd ignored Kunikida 's warnings last month, he has no intentions of ignoring the president 's wishes. He isn 't interested in causing more trouble for the ADA. This past year has been rough on everyone. Dazai doesn 't want to add to that load by being self-centered.

He makes vague plans to buy every copy of the article he can find after he leaves work and setting them on fire. It will be bad for the environment, and ultimately won 't stop people from reading it. But the idea makes him feel a little genuine joy, which isn 't as easy to come by these days.

Dazai is distracted from his plans of very small-scale arson by Kunikida taking a seat at his desk, spinning in his chair to face Dazai. Dazai briefly considers ignoring him, but knows it probably wouldn 't work for long.

'Did you need something? ' asks Dazai lightly, putting on a smile.

'I know you probably don 't like it, ' says Kunikida, eyeing the copy of the article Dazai had nonchalantly ripped into pieces and thrown in the trash. 'But this

is

a good thing. As much as I dislike Port Mafia Records, us getting along with them only benefits us. '

'I 'm aware of that, ' says Dazai, keeping his voice airy.

'You 're very difficult to argue with, ' says Kunikida, irritation seeping into his tone.

'I wasn 't aware that we were having an argument, ' says Dazai, raising an eyebrow. 'I just said I agreed with you."

Kunikida sighs and adjusts his glasses. 'It 's not that I don 't sympathize with you. I don 't imagine it was easy to perform again with someone you clearly don 't get along with and have such a history of hostility with. '

Dazai imagines adding Kunikida 's stationary collection to his arson plans for a moment, but reminds himself Kunikida is trying to be nice to him. It 's not like he can expect Kunikida to know how he 'd felt about that performance when he 'd never given any indication he 'd felt otherwise. Dazai has always been careful to give the impression he does loathe Chuuya, it shouldn 't set him off that he 'd done such a good job.

'Never become part of a duo, ' Dazai advises Kunikida instead, shaking his head. 'There 's a reason they 're uncommon. '

'I 'll keep that in mind, ' says Kunikida with a hint of a smile. 'Though I find having someone to write music with helpful. '

Kunikida is being

very

nice to him, which is the first thing since he 'd read that disgusting article of lies that makes Dazai 's sour mood start to dissipate. Dazai sighs lightly and hides his own fond smile by picking up a piece of sheet music.

'Let 's not dwell on such unpleasant topics, Kunikida, ' says Dazai brightly. 'The best is yet to be. '

'Did you just quote William Wordsworth? ' asks Kunikida, astonishment clear in his voice.

Dazai doesn 't answer, just brings the sheet music down enough so Kunikida can see his smirk.

Kunikida rolls his eyes, his version of affection. 'How are things coming along with Atsushi 's album? '

Dazai glances around the room to make sure they 're truly alone. Tanizaki is with Yosano, now on the receiving end of her lessons on proper celebrity etiquette that he 'd once envied. Based on his facial expressions, he misses the time before he 'd gotten them. Ranpo had dragged Atsushi with him to an appointment he had with Kuroiwa Ruiko about doing a song, claiming he wanted to expand Atsushi 's network (in reality the meeting was across town and Ranpo didn 't know how to get there.)

'Atsushi 's enthusiasm hasn 't waned at all, ' says Dazai once he confirms no one else will hear them. 'But I 'm not sure he 's living up to his full potential. '

'Have you told him that? ' asks Kunikida, frowning at the dilemma.

'I 'd like to not crush his spirits, ' says Dazai, frowning himself. 'His confidence has grown a lot, but I don 't want to erode it. And some of the songs

are

impressive. '

'But you think he could do better, ' says Kunikida, picking up on Dazai 's feelings easily.

'I know he 's capable of great songwriting. ' Dazai sets down his empty sheet music and crosses his arms. 'But it seems like he 's avoiding going into the kind of depth he did with

Beast Beneath the Moonlight,

the raw vulnerability that made the song so popular. '

'Perhaps he hadn 't found his sound when he did

Beast Beneath the Moonlight

, ' suggests Kunikida. 'Maybe this is the type of music he prefers to write. '

Dazai sighs a little. He forgets sometimes that he and Kunikida 's opinions on music don 't align exactly. Kunikida doesn 't need music to have depth to enjoy it. He doesn 't appreciate 'melancholic music. ' Dazai had leaned into that philosophy when he 'd written Once More With Feeling. Kunikida isn 't to blame for his newfound misgivings about his old album though, he 'd done nothing but support him.

Nevertheless, he doesn 't want Kunikida 's opinions to influence him into ignoring his gut feelings on Atsushi 's album. Atsushi is one of the few people Dazai knows who has given him nothing but endless support. At the very least Dazai owes him honesty about his music in return.

How to word that honesty is something he 's trying to figure out though.

'I think he 's hesitating for some other reason, ' says Dazai, picking up his sheet music again. He moves to change the subject, Kunikida couldn 't solve this one for him. 'Kyouka on the other hand is quite the talented little songwriter.

The Grass Labyrinth

is really something. She 's got a way with metaphors for someone so young. '

'You 've been writing a lot of music lately, ' says Kunikida, in a tone Dazai doesn 't quite like.

It is true he 's been writing a lot lately. He 's still working with Atsushi, but he 'd been writing a bit with Kyouka in the afternoons. The way she writes songs matches well with Dazai 's own, probably on account of who taught her how to write songs (which Dazai is still attempting to ignore.) They 've been getting along surprisingly well when they write, though they don 't discuss much outside of music.

Dazai had even tried writing a song with Kenji too. They had gotten a song out of it,

Night on the Galactic Railroad.

But as opposed to Kyouka, he and Kenji couldn 't be farther on ends of the musical spectrum. Dazai is not eager to repeat the experience. Kenji is far too kind and optimistic to be writing with someone like Dazai.

All the songwriting has reminded him of being eighteen and living with Santoka (although with less books and homemade meals.) It 's been an interesting challenge to try and write in so many different genres and vocal ranges again.

Kunikida had not made his writing sound like a good thing though.

'This

is

a record label, ' points out Dazai, voice just a hint sharp. Music has been one of the only things that has been keeping him sane these past couple months.

'Has any of that music been for yourself? ' asks Kunikida, tone serious.

Dazai stops cold, giving Kunikida a blank stare. He tries to recover quickly. 'I would have told you if I was planning to work on another solo album. ' His voice comes out perfectly natural, his expression calm and serene.

'I am, ' says Kunikida, looking Dazai in the eyes. 'Now that Tanizaki is done with his album and things have settled down around here, I 've been thinking about starting one. I know you 're helping Atsushi, but that doesn 't mean that you can 't start on your own as well. Clearly you have the time to write other things on the side. '

Dazai swallows roughly, staring at the blank sheet music in front of him. It 's an apt image of his feelings towards starting a solo album. His inspiration has never been less present, not while the words

boring and predictable

keep ringing in his head.

'Once More With Feeling, ' says Dazai, turning to look at Kunikida again, 'Do you think it 's ' slightly maudlin? '

'Where is that coming from? ' asks Kunikida, crossing his arms and looking at Dazai in confusion. 'I helped you write it. Do you think I would have held my tongue if I thought anything like that? '

'Right, ' says Dazai, voice coming out rougher than he 'd like it to. He subtly clears his throat. 'Forget it. Anyway, while I can work on multiple things at once I 'd prefer to keep to one major project at a time. ' He shrugs lightly. 'Maybe once Atsushi 's album is finished, ' he lies. 'But if you want help at all with yours, just say the word. ' He smiles at Kunikida breezily.

He wonders if he sounds as much of a coward to Kunikida as he does to himself.

Chuuya is laying on the floor and humming to himself when Kouyou walks into his apartment. He glances around the room with a slight frown, she 's not going to be impressed with how unclean it is. He 'd never been very organized to begin with, and that had only escalated as he 'd worked on the album. The room is full of instruments, sheet music, empty mugs, and various clothes.

Arthur 's hat is siting up on his piano in it 's new spot though. Chuuya likes to keep it there as a reminder of him and his advice, but he no longer wears it everywhere he goes. He 's trying to let go of the past rather than cling to it. He 's been getting some strange looks without it though.

Kouyou gives the room a quick look and shakes her head slightly at the mess but doesn 't comment on it. She walks towards him, looking at the white board he 'd bought (he 'd thrown away his old one) for writing his tracklist on. It 's also full of potential album titles, all of which completely suck.

'You 're getting close to being done, ' she says thoughtfully. Kouyou had been helping him here and there, but he 'd been doing the majority of the writing alone.

He 'd also just written the initials of his songs instead of the full names. Chuuya knows everyone is going to hear

Arahabaki

eventually, but he 'd like a little more time to prepare for that mentally. He 'd only consulted with Mori about it once, and that was just to confirm the song met his standards.

Chuuya had also written a song for Kouyou and is trying to keep it a secret. He 'd ended up going to Lucy for help when he 'd gotten stuck with it, she 'd bluntly told him what was wrong with it. It had been helpful and humbling.

Lucy seems less tempestuous these days. She 's not going to win any congeniality awards, but she 's stopped snarking at every comment others made. Chuuya likes her snark though, it 's entertaining to spend time with someone with no interest in putting on a polite act.

Her and Kouyou are in the beginning stages of starting her own solo album. Lucy seems happy about it, though she doesn 't display it much. Her eyes light up whenever the subject is mentioned. Chuuya likes talking music with her, her ideas are always distinctive. He has no doubts her album is going to be a hit.

Chuuya actually had convinced her to come get ice cream with him, Elise, and Kyouka once. It had been a van full on disparate personalities and awkward silences. He 'd thought it was kind of a disaster personally. But then the next time he 'd seen Elise she 'd talked about how much fun she was having showing Lucy around L.A. Chuuya doesn 't really get how it all worked out, but he 's happy Lucy isn 't stuck around the office alone.

'What are you working on now? ' asks Kouyou, bringing him back to the present.

Chuuya sits up on his elbows. 'Nothing, really, ' he says with a sigh. 'Just playing around with some ideas. '

Kouyou looks back at his white board. He 's up to ten songs. It 's a good thing Chuuya has a lot of leeway around PMR, otherwise he would never have been able to release the album when he wanted to in this amount of time.

Something about Kouyou 's expression seems troubled though. Chuuya sits up fully.

'What 's that face for? ' he asks her, crossing his arms.

Kouyou purses her lips then smooths out her expression again. 'I was just wondering if you were going to include a love song, ' she says, voice carefully neutral, looking down at him.

Chuuya huffs and lies back down on the ground. Kouyou is very aware of who would be the inspiration if he wrote a love song, though it 's not something they generally speak about much.

Kouyou walks over to him and nudges his side with her foot until he looks up at her. Her expression is annoyed. 'I prefer verbal responses to my questions. '

'I tried, ' he says quietly, looking away again.

'I prefer audible responses as well, ' says Kouyou, tone even more annoyed.

'I tried, ' repeats Chuuya louder, sitting up again in a cross-legged position. 'I just 'have you ever felt too many things about one person? ' He gives Kouyou a wry smile. 'You try to write, but all your emotions make a giant contradiction? '

That 's what had happened whenever he 'd tried to write something like a love song. He would think about meeting brown eyes on a stage, then remember slamming the door after asking for help after the worst night of his life. Being woken up in the middle of the night by careful hands, then throwing insults and smashing more phones than he should have. Writing music, eating in the strangest places, leaning against each other in the sand. The ever growing pit in his stomach as he 'd stopped getting phone calls, when he 'd found out he wasn 't even worth a goodbye, hearing

Run, Melos!

for the first time.

Every time Chuuya tries to put his feelings into music it becomes a jumbled mess. He 'd tried soft versions, bitter versions, ballads and the opposite. Nothing had worked. Chuuya has wasted more pages trying to get it right than on any other song he 'd ever written.

He 's surprised when Kouyou takes a seat next to him on the floor, adjusting her clothes so she can sit cross-legged next to him. She gives him a soft smile, her voice gentle. 'Why can 't it be a contradiction? '

Chuuya blinks in confusion. 'What happened to every song should tell a cohesive story? '

'It is a story, ' says Kouyou, shaking a head. 'A story about two people, those usually aren 't simple, not real ones. ' She raises an eyebrow. 'I thought you wanted to write an honest album. '

'I do, ' says Chuuya, biting his lip. 'I just kind of need to get this one right. ' He stares at his hands. 'You know what I mean, right? '

'I do, ' says Kouyou, nodding a little. 'And I think you will, when you stop worrying about getting it right and just be sincere, no matter what it is you 're feeling. ' Her smile becomes more of a smirk. 'Besides, I highly doubt the person who wrote a spontaneous piano solo into a song at sixteen doesn 't know how to deal with conflicting emotions. '

Chuuya snorts, shaking his head. He tries to picture it, not trying to hold back the negatives or the positives, but allowing them to coexist. He starts to smile, imagining how people would react. He gives Kouyou a grateful look. 'It 's a little irritating how you 're

always

right, you know. '

'If you would just accept it already things would go much more smoothly, ' says Kouyou with an extremely self-satisfied expression.

Chuuya laughs and gets up from the floor, reaching down a hand to help her up too. She grabs it and pulls herself up. He 's surprised when she doesn 't let go though.

'I 've always been extraordinarily proud of you, ' says Kouyou simply, giving his hand a light squeeze. 'But watching you lately, how full of life you 've been. It 's been really nice to see. '

'Kouyou, ' says Chuuya, looking away in embarrassment.

'No, I am wrong sometimes, ' says Kouyou, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her. 'I was wrong when I didn 't encourage you to do a solo album. I should have realized how important it was to you. '

'I wasn 't ready then, ' disagrees Chuuya. He takes a deep breath. 'There 's things I 've been writing about, things I never really talk about. ' He gives her a rueful smile. 'Things I don 't really think I can talk about outside of music. '

'I guessed as much, ' says Kouyou, looking pointedly at his vague tracklist. She smiles slightly. 'I 'm glad that you feel like you can put those things into music. You 've seemed less burdened since you started working on the album, more yourself. '

'Thanks, ' says Chuuya quietly. 'And thanks for all of your support. I 'd still be a stupid street punk if it weren 't for you. '

'I 'm willing to accept a little bit of the credit, ' says Kouyou, just a hint teasing. Then she gives him a slight shove towards the piano. 'Enough of this, you have a song to work on. '

Chuuya rolls his eyes and walks towards the kitchen instead. 'How can one resist an order from the great Kouyou Ozaki? ' he asks sarcastically. He flicks on his kettle. 'Tea? '

'I don 't think I was entirely successful in stripping you of your punk attitude, ' says Kouyou mildly, giving him a flat look.

Chuuya laughs while he grabs two mugs.

'Just because

The Raven

is Poe 's most well known song doesn 't mean it 's his best, ' says Ranpo, waving his fork in the air to emphasize his point. 'He has a plethora of better ones. '

'I prefer

The Bells

personally, ' says Yosano. There 's a hint of a smirk on her face, she likely knows her choice will set off Ranpo. She hides it by taking a bite of her cake.

Dazai rolls his eyes as he takes a bite of his own cake. He, Yosano, Ranpo, Kunikida, and Atsushi are sitting in the main office and eating the leftover cake from Tanizaki 's album release celebration (Ranpo had been the one to bring the enormous cake).

Light Snow has been doing really well. Tanizaki is on cloud nine. The album quickly became a critical success, and commercial success is slowly ramping up. His willingness to write about the shocking without shame is making him popular with the younger crowd, and his musical sophistication is appealing to the older.

Tanizaki is off doing a short press tour for the next weeks, Naomi tagging along. Dazai hadn 't noticed how much energy they added to the office until they were gone. Not that it 's ever dull around the ADA, but there 's less outbursts throughout the day.

Such as the current argument about which of Edgar Allen Poe 's songs is the best. Ranpo had mentioned a new song Poe was writing and it had quickly turned into a heated discussion.

'

The Bells? '

repeats Ranpo with clear disdain. 'You find that much repetition enjoyable? '

'Practically all of his songs have repetition, ' points out Yosano. She turns to Dazai, another amused smile in place. 'You haven 't shared your favorite. ' She 's always found Dazai 's disdain of most music entertaining.

'Hard to choose, ' says Dazai lightly. 'Probably

The Pit and the Pendulum

. '

'I don 't know why every song he writes has to be so horrific, ' comments Kunikida, frowning as he takes a sip of coffee.

'He excels in mystery and macabre, ' says Ranpo with a shrug. 'I 've tried to convince him to write a song about Karl. '

Dazai almost chokes on the bite he just took while trying not to laugh. Poe 's raccoon is one of the friendliest creatures he 's ever met. He 's sure if Poe wrote a song about him he 'd turn him into a monster.

'Are we entirely sure that raccoon is properly vaccinated? ' asks Kunikida lowly to Dazai. Dazai has to fight off another snort.

'I like

Annabel Lee

the best, ' says Atsushi thoughtfully. 'My second favorite is probably

The Tell-Tale Heart.

'

'You 're all wrong, ' says Ranpo, shaking his head. 'Though my songs are of course the best, Poe 's greatest is clearly

The Murders in the Rue Morgue.

'

'You mean it 's not

Lenore

? ' asks Yosano with a falsely innocent voice. Ranpo scowls at her.

They 're distracted by the sound of the door of the office opening (Dazai 's requests of getting a lock are still being shut down.) A tall figure walks through the door, taking in the place with a thoughtful smile.

The ADA has had many unexpected visitors over the past year, but this is the only one that makes Dazai spit out the sip of coffee he 'd just drank. Kunikida turns to give him a concerned look.

'This place is cozy, ' says Odasaku, hesitating a little on the last word. It 's no doubt a large change from PMR. He walks towards their group, smile growing bigger.

Dazai stands up, feeling his own returning smile start without making a decision. 'Odasaku? '

'Long time no see, Dazai, ' says Oda, placing his hands on Dazai 's shoulders and squeezing them lightly.

'Who are you? ' asks Ranpo, giving Oda a suspicious look. Yosano whacks his shoulder.

'I 'm sorry, ' says Oda, laughing a little. 'I just feel like I already know all of you. Dazai talks about you all the time, then through your music. I 'm Sakunosuke Oda, an old friend of Dazai 's. '

Dazai thinks he hears Ranpo whisper something to Yosano that sounds like

Dazai has friends?

but chooses to ignore it. His excitement at seeing Oda hasn 't made his appearance make more sense. 'What are you doing here? ' his voice coming out slightly incredulous.

'You hungry? ' asks Oda, smile becoming more of a smirk.

'There is no one that makes curry like this in Washington, ' says Oda contently, leaning back in their booth. The old restaurant they had frequented barely looks like any time has passed. 'I 'm so glad this place is still here. '

It had been strange coming here again with Odasaku, like something out of a dream. Oda had driven them and they 'd walked to the restaurant much like they 'd used to. Both their lives have changed so much since those days though, down to their wardrobes. It 's an odd combination of deja vu but not.

'So you traveled across the West coast for curry? ' asks Dazai skeptically. He 's still surprised Oda is actually here.

Oda hadn 't visited L.A. many times since moving. Dazai had gone to Washington a few times for short visits, but they mostly talked on the phone. They didn 't necessarily talk often, but whenever they did it felt natural, like little time had passed.

Oda isn 't the type to make spontaneous visits. He doesn 't get a lot of time off of work either. So this appearance is very out of the ordinary.

Oda sighs, setting down his fork. 'It 's a dual purpose visit. '

Dazai raises an eyebrow, gesturing for him to go on.

'Ango made lieutenant, ' says Oda, voice careful. He knows Dazai 's opinion of Ango hasn 't shifted. 'I went to the ceremony. '

Dazai tries not to scowl but is unsuccessful. 'You two are still close then? '

'Yeah, we are, ' says Oda, shaking his head. 'I can 't force you to like him, but I wish you wouldn 't hate him for my sake. '

'It 's not only for your sake, ' says Dazai, crossing his arms. 'He's not a horrendous person. I just don 't trust him. '

'Like I said, I can 't force you to like him, ' says Oda, though his expression clearly wishes otherwise. His face grows more troubled. 'Do you ever resent me for telling you to leave PMR? '

Dazai 's eyes widen. 'How could you possibly think that? '

'At the time, I was only thinking about all the horrible things PMR gave you, ' says Oda, frowning down at his plate. 'I wasn 't thinking about what you might lose. '

'I think we 've known each other long enough to not be cryptic around each other, Odasaku, ' says Dazai, tone with just a slight edge.

'You 've been 'off since that fundraiser, ' says Oda plainly. 'I 'm worried about you. '

'How have I been off? ' asks Dazai. He 's genuinely curious, no one else has mentioned it. He 'd thought he was pulling it off rather well (aside from the one interview).

'Dazai, I think we 've known each other long enough not to lie to each other, ' says Oda pointedly.

Dazai sighs, moving his food around on his plate (the curry is still much too spicy for him.) 'What do you think of Once More With Feeling? ' he asks quietly.

'You know I like it, ' says Oda, his tone kind and confused. 'Why are you asking? '

Dazai sighs again, a little louder. 'I knew you 'd say that. '

'It isn 't like you to doubt yourself, ' says Oda, frowning with concern.

'I know, ' says Dazai, he rests his chin in one hand and drums the other along the table. 'It 's not doubt exactly. ' His frown deepens. 'I guess I 'm kind of lost on what type of music I want to make. I thought I 'd figured it out, music that helps people. ' He gives Oda a small smile at that, before frowning again. 'And I

am

proud of Once More With Feeling, I don 't regret it at all. But the style, it just doesn 't feel right anymore. '

'I 'm not a musician, ' says Oda, shrugging a little. 'I don 't know anything about writing music. But I do know that the first step towards changing is being honest with yourself. ' His smile becomes bittersweet. 'Sometimes it takes outside forces to prompt that honesty, and it can be uncomfortable to confront. But you end up better in the long run. '

Dazai swallows roughly, unsure how to respond. It sounds trivial to compare his struggles in music to everything Odasaku has been through.

'And I know you, ' says Oda, tone turning less heavy. 'I know you 're going to figure this out. You love music too much not to. '

Dazai blinks in surprise. He doesn 't usually think of music as something he loves, he doesn 't feel the same way about it like Chuuya or Atsushi does. But he has revolved his entire life around it, there is nothing he 'd rather do. Music had helped to fill the emptiness when he 'd had little else.

Dazai smiles softly, taking another bite of curry. He forgets how well Oda actually knows him sometimes. He doesn 't surround himself with people who can see through his facades very often. 'Thanks, Odasaku. '

'I 'm just telling the truth, ' says Oda lightly. He gives Dazai a long look then. 'It also isn 't like you to fight with Nakahara in the press. '

Dazai 's bite goes down roughly. 'It was a momentary lapse of judgement, ' says Dazai lowly. He 'd said along the same lines whenever Oda had brought it up over the phone. He 's much less easy to divert in person though.

'I 've never really heard you talk about him much except the night you showed up at The Lupin and declared the death of Double Black, ' says Oda, frowning and crossing his arms. 'You got very drunk and talked about everything you hated about him for a very long time. Then when you finished you said he was the slug of your life, wouldn 't talk anymore, and I had to take you home. '

Dazai blanches. 'It was just you and Ango there that night, right? ' It had been a long time since he 'd counted Ango among those who he 'd trusted with information. But luckily in this instance Ango had only been interested in destroying him professionally rather than personally.

'And the bartender, ' says Oda. He looks at Dazai expectantly.

'What do you want me to say? ' he asks Oda, already feeling rung out from this conversation.

'You don 't have to say anything, ' says Oda, sighing lightly. 'I just wish you 'd talk to people when you were upset. I know it 's hard for you, but I just wish I could do something to help. '

'You always help me when I 'm struggling, ' says Dazai, affronted that Oda would think otherwise.

'When you let me, ' says Oda, tone sad in a way that makes Dazai 's chest pang.

'It 's not an easy thing to talk about, ' Dazai forces himself to say, though the words feel stuck in his throat. 'And it 's all resolved anyway. PMR and the ADA smoothed things over. '

'I read the article, ' says Oda, shaking his head. 'I highly doubt that 's the whole story. '

'It 's going to be, ' says Dazai, voice a little rough. 'We both agreed to no longer speak about the other in public. '

Oda 's expression grows more troubled. 'Oh, ' he says heavily.

'So it 's not an issue anymore, ' says Dazai, not sure if he 's lying or not even. He certainly wishes it were true. 'I appreciate the concern, Odasaku. But it 's not necessary. '

'If you say so, ' says Oda, voice still slightly skeptical. He adjusts in his seat. 'I popped in to see Santoka when I was at the station. He mentioned you hadn 't been over for dinner in a while. '

'I 've been busy, ' says Dazai, the excuse sounding weak to his own ears. He 'd been putting off the man 's invitations for weeks now.

'You should give him a call, ' says Oda, more of a command than a suggestion.

'I will, ' promises Dazai, smiling despite the prick of annoyance. He feels genuinely at ease for the first time in a long time. It 's hard to remain melancholic when the people who care about you badger you like this. 'I have to return some books of his anyway. '

December, A Month and A Half Until the Release of Arahabaki

'I just don 't get why they 're so obsessed with high school, ' says Lucy, shaking her head. She gestures with the hand holding her soda. 'I would have given anything not to have to finish high school. I never had the right clothes, the right interests, the right things to say, the right anything. ' She pauses to take a sip of her drink. 'The only thing I could do was sing, and people just called me a show off. '

'I stopped going when I was thirteen, ' says Chuuya with a shrug. He pops a couple fries in his mouth. 'Never really saw the appeal. I was always more interested in music. '

They 're sitting in Kouyou 's office, eating crappy fast food while he 's taking a break from recording. He 'd been craving a burger after singing all day (he tended to forget to eat while he was too into the music) and she 'd texted him complaining about waiting around for Kouyou. So he 'd grabbed them both food and now they were very carefully eating it on Kouyou 's coffee table.

'But they both love it, ' says Lucy, wrinkling her eyebrows in confusion. 'I mean, Kyouka gave up

her career

for it. It 's insane. '

'She had her reasons, ' says Chuuya mildly, giving Lucy his

you 're being unpleasant

look.

'I know, I know, ' says Lucy with a huff. She takes a bite of her burger, frowning at it as she chews. 'It 's just hard for me to understand. I wasn 't under the impression American kids were any nicer in high school. From all the shows I 've watched, them seem even worse. '

'I always forget you 're Canadian, ' says Chuuya, smirking a little. 'You 're much more subtle about it than Higuchi. '

Lucy rolls her eyes. 'I was instructed to be, ' she says with a scowl. 'Francis made me take extensive accent neutralization lessons. '

'That does seem like something he would do, ' says Chuuya, shaking his head. He has to fight off a snort when he pictures Lucy having to possibly do stage training with The Count in the future. He wonders if it will be better or worse if he warns her or not.

'How 's recording going? ' asks Lucy, raising an eyebrow. 'You going to meet your crazy deadline? '

'It 's going just fine, ' says Chuuya, laughing a little. He 'd been pushing his voice pretty hard, but he 'd been really careful about resting it and drinking gallons of tea. This meal is one of the first real breaks he 's taken. 'How 's

your

album coming along? '

Lucy immediately starts scowling. 'Did you hear about Mori 's latest idea? '

'I haven 't, ' says Chuuya, a little pissed at being out of the loop. He knows he 's busy, but still.

'He wants me to do a duet with Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, ' says Lucy, revulsion clear in her voice. It grows worse as Chuuya starts laughing.

'He 's really not that bad, ' says Chuuya, still laughing a little.

'Are you trying to say deep down he 's a kind and gentle person? ' Lucy asks skeptically.

Chuuya snorts. 'No, ' he says adamantly. 'But the guy is serious about music. He 's one of the most talented people I know. I bet you could learn from each other. '

Lucy makes a disgusted face at the prospect. She keeps scowling as the door to the office opens, and Chuuya winces at the look Kouyou is giving them.

'What are you two doing in

my

office? ' asks Kouyou as she walks towards them, eyeing their food with displeasure.

'Taking a break? ' offers Chuuya weakly, aware Kouyou is not going to be placated. Lucy gives him an unimpressed look for his efforts.

Kouyou shakes her head and moves towards her desk. 'Just clean up when you 're done. ' She looks over her shoulder at Lucy. 'How 's that song coming along? '

'Slowly, ' says Lucy with a frown, obviously frustrated.

'Need help? ' asks Chuuya, finishing off the last of his burger.

'This is

my

album, ' says Lucy haughtily. 'I don 't need you to hold my hand. ' She scowls at him. 'Shouldn 't you be trying to come up for a title for yours? '

Chuuya scowls back. 'It 'll come to me, ' he says with a confidence he doesn 't feel.

'I might have liked it better when you two didn 't get along, ' says Kouyou from her desk. She doesn 't look up from her paperwork.

'Those are bygone days, ' says Lucy, smirking a little. 'And I heard you tell Hirotsu you think we 're

good influences

on each other. '

Chuuya is barely listening though, going over what she 'd just said. He smiles and shakes his head. 'Bygone days, ' he says out loud, testing it. He looks up to see both of them watching him. 'Not a bad album title, is it? ' That's what most of his songs are about, things from his past he's finally getting the chance to write about.

'I like it, ' says Kouyou thoughtfully. 'Though Mori would probably accept anything at this point in order to be able to start printing albums. '

'You 're just going to steal my words without asking permission? ' asks Lucy, smirking fully. Chuuya rolls his eyes. She shrugs and says in a falsely kind voice, 'That 's okay, you need it more than I do. '

Chuuya risks the wrath of Kouyou and throws what 's left of his fries at her.

Things had been better for Dazai since Odasaku 's visit a couple weeks ago, although not much had really changed. Dazai still isn 't sure what type of music he wants to write, but he 'd believed Oda that he would figure it out. Oda 's confidence in him had helped him more than he could say.

Dazai has backed off from his relentless songwriting. He 's been over at Santoka 's several times for dinner, picking up different books each time. He also has been trying to learn how to play the bells as a new distraction (though his neighbors are not as excited about it.)

Dazai is still writing, of course. He and Atsushi are still collaborating on his album, tentatively named Stray Dogs. He writes a little bit with Kyouka when she asks him to. She 's started to offer him tea whenever they write together. Dazai has not changed his opinion on grass water, but he does appreciate the gesture (and he feels too bad to say no and keeps having to dump it out when she 's not looking.)

Kunikida has also bounced some of his ideas for his album off of Dazai. Dazai sincerely thinks it 's going to be good, Kunikida has never wavered in his style. Dazai admires him for it. Kunikida hasn 't asked him again about writing an album of his own, so Dazai is safe from that line of conversation for a while.

Dazai is currently reading his latest book from Santoka, Mountain Tasting, while in the music room with Atsushi. He 's trying a new strategy of being less involved in Atsushi 's writing, more like how he helps Kunikida. He had hoped it would lead to Atsushi flourishing out of his rut (which Dazai is not sure he 's aware that he 's in.)

Unfortunately, Atsushi just seems to work much slower than better on his own. He also seems slightly dejected about Dazai taking a less active role. He hasn 't actually complained, but his facial expressions have been less kind than usual.

'Are you at a good stopping point? ' asks Atsushi, voice just a touch passive aggressive.

Dazai has to fight not to raise an eyebrow. Perhaps a little frustration would push Atsushi where he needed to be. Though he doesn 't want to make him miserable, Akutagawa had never grown that way. Dazai places his bookmark on the page he 's on and sets his book down, smiling at Atsushi lightly.

'How 's it going? ' he asks, serene tone contrasting with Atsushi 's.

'Fine, ' says Atsushi, which is clearly a lie. 'Just having some trouble with the chorus. '

'I 'm sure you 'll figure it out, ' says Dazai, smiling and pulling out his phone to check his email. 'What in particular are you struggling with? '

'Did I 'did I do something? ' asks Atsushi, actual hurt in his voice making Dazai set his phone down immediately.

'What do you mean? ' asks Dazai, frowning deeply.

'These past couple weeks, it 's like you 've given up on the album, ' says Atsushi, looking down at the table instead of at Dazai. 'So I wondered if I had done something wrong. ' His voice trails off awkwardly.

Dazai takes a deep breath.

This

isn 't what he 'd wanted. Perhaps Oda 's advice wouldn 't just be useful for himself. Maybe he needed to confront Atsushi about things in order to prompt Atsushi to recognize the problem. It just went against Dazai 's instincts, he 'd been trying so hard since he 'd met him to make Atsushi believe in himself.

But if he truly thinks of Atsushi as a friend he should want to help him grow as an artist, not just keep him happy.

'You haven 't done anything wrong, ' clarifies Dazai first, because it 's important. 'I hoped that if I left you to your own devices your songwriting would evolve. ' He tries to make his tone as neutral as possible.

'Evolve, ' repeats Atsushi, frowning with his eyebrows furrowed. 'Do you think the songs I 'm writing now are unevolved? '

'Not all of them, ' says Dazai. He quickly regrets it at the face Atsushi makes, both wounded and angry. Well, there go his plans to try to ease into the subject delicately.

'Not all of them? ' repeats Atsushi again, his voice much less calm this time. 'And you just weren 't going to say anything? ' he demands.

'I 'm saying something now, ' Dazai points out, which does not seem to help based on how Atsushi 's frown gets even deeper. Dazai sighs. 'I 'd hoped it was just growing pains. I didn 't want to shake your confidence if it turned out to be a nonissue. '

'What 's the problem? ' asks Atsushi, clearing trying to keep a steady tone. 'What 's wrong with the songs I 've written? '

'Not every song, ' Dazai reminds him. Atsushi just keeps watching him expectantly. Dazai sighs. 'Some of the lyrics you 've been writing have lacked the authenticity I know you 're capable of. '

'

Authenticity

? ' Atsushi 's voice is incredulous. 'I 'm writing about my life, my experiences. How can that be inauthentic? ' He 's practically shouting now.

'It 's inauthentic when you dance around the subjects lightly and without originality, ' says Dazai, giving up on not being blunt. 'If you want to write about your experiences, you have to commit to being vulnerable, not do things halfway. If you don 't, people won 't connect to it. '

'What would you know about it? ' asks Atsushi, and if looks could injure people Dazai would have been burned from the vitriol in his gaze. 'I don 't see you writing songs about your personal tragedies. ' He stands up from his chair, openly yelling now. 'I haven 't seen you write a single word about why you left Port Mafia Records, or why you wear those bandages, or that face you make whenever someone so much as breathes the name Chuuya Nakahara. ' Atsushi points a finger at him in accusation. 'But you expect others to do it like it's easy. '

Atsushi 's words hit like strikes from a knife. Dazai doesn 't even know how to begin to respond. He doesn 't get the chance though, Atsushi shoots him one last glare and storms out of the room, the door slamming behind him as he goes.

Dazai looks at the door, then puts his head in his hands in regret. Every time he truly attempts to help someone he cares about it backfires spectacularly. Not to mention how much Atsushi 's barbs reminded him of the one 's he 'd been trying so hard to push away from August.

But the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Dazai isn't going to keep making the same mistakes he has in the past. He pushes away the pain and goes to look for Atsushi, determined to make this right.

It 's sunset by the time he tracks Atsushi down, sitting on the beach near where he 'd first met him. There are a couple people around enjoying the weather, but Atsushi is alone, sitting in the sand and staring at the ocean. Dazai feels another twinge of pain at how much the image reminds him of the past, but he pushes through it to approach Atsushi.

'Do you mind if I take a seat? ' asks Dazai quietly when he reaches him, not making any attempts to put on any kind of act.

'Sure, ' says Atsushi just as quietly. He doesn 't look away from the waves.

Dazai sits down next to him, turning to face the water as well. It truly is a beautiful sight. Even in a place with so much personal baggage, Dazai can appreciate that.

'You just missed Lucy, ' says Atsushi, surprising him by speaking first. His tone is much calmer than when they 'd spoken last.

Dazai hums in acknowledgement, ready to accept whatever admonishments Atsushi will give him. Dazai doesn 't deny his own hypocrisy in the situation. But he doesn 't want Atsushi to end up like him, with all these doubts. If that involves Atsushi needing to yell at him, so be it.

'I asked her to meet me, ' continues Atsushi, running his right hand through the sand. 'I wanted to ask her how it was so easy for her to write about her past, why she didn 't struggle at all. '

'What did she say? ' asks Dazai, actually curious about her answer.

Atsushi laughs a little. 'She got angry and said it wasn 't easy for her. But she said she didn 't have any other option, that shoving away those feelings didn 't make them go away. ' He turns to face Dazai, just the hint of a smile visible.

'Not a bad perspective, ' says Dazai honestly, smiling lightly back. Then he says more seriously, 'But it was wrong of me to ambush you like that. And cruel. '

Atsushi surprises him by laughing again. 'She also had an opinion about that. She said you were obviously trying to help me, so I had no business throwing a tantrum. '

'I wouldn 't call it a tantrum, ' says Dazai, still unsure why Atsushi thinks of this girl as nice. She seems to connect with Atsushi though, he clearly values her perspective.

'I think I can see what you mean, ' says Atsushi, frowning at his hands. 'About my music. I wasn 't consciously playing it safe, but I wasn 't putting in everything either. ' He sits up a little, looking Dazai in the eyes. 'I

want

to write music that 's real, that could help people in situations like I was, to make them feel less alone. That 's why I got into music. ' He smiles sadly. 'But I can 't do that without being completely authentic. '

'I could have worded that much more kindly, ' says Dazai, both annoyed with himself and immensely proud at Atsushi 's words. He truly is a remarkable person. Dazai is grateful he 's such a terrible robber.

'I would have gotten angry no matter how you said it, ' says Atsushi, shaking his head. He frowns slightly. 'Although you could have mentioned it earlier. '

'I didn 't know how, ' says Dazai with a small shrug. 'I didn 't want to you to think I don 't think you 're a good songwriter. It 's

because

I think that you 're a good songwriter that I was frustrated. '

'I know that I was in a pretty rough place when we met, ' says Atsushi, meeting Dazai 's gaze with a solemn expression. 'And I 've thanked you a million times for helping me out then. But I 'm not fragile. I can handle criticism. I

need

it, especially from you. ' Atsushi grins at him. 'Even if you 're kind of rude about it. '

'I 'll work on it, ' promises Dazai, smiling back.

'It 's a deal, ' says Atsushi warmly.

Bygone Days, Chuuya Nakahara

Songs of Sky and Ocean

Tales of Baby Red and The Lemon Fucker (To Marseilles With Love)

A Shadow of a Hat Lightly Dances

Sorrow Already Spoiled

Ane-san

Phantasm

Be Cautious of Blood Relatives, They Can Be Deleterious to Your Health

Port Mafia Black (feat. The Black Lizards)

Exhaustion

Real Friends Are Willing To Destroy Your Kitchen With You

The Moon Awaits Her Executioner

I 'm Not Allowed To Comment on Ongoing Port Mafia Records Legal Disputes, But-

Arahabaki

January 25, Three Hours Since the Release of Arahabaki

Dazai is slightly out of breath as he reaches the building Chuuya lives in, ignoring the weird twinge of nostalgia he gets as he approaches it. It feels off to head towards the elevator instead of the stairs to the third floor, but Dazai doesn 't have time to get sentimental now. He 's already too full of emotions, he doesn 't have room for anymore. Dazai 's anxiety has only risen the closer he 's gotten to his destination, his hands tremble slightly as he rides the elevator to the top floor.

He fights to keep them steady as he punches in the code Kouyou had given him, resolving to go in without warning and confront whatever reception he 's met with. Nothing matters right now except Chuuya and whether he 's alright. Everything else is insignificant.

Dazai 's throat tightens as he enters the apartment though. The layout is similar to how Chuuya 's old dorm had been. Though the living area is large enough to fit his piano now. But it 's still full of familiar sights: Chuuya 's CDs haphazardly spread out, his extravagant tea kettle. The couch looks like the same one.

He hadn 't been aware until this moment how much it was possible to miss a location.

It 's the white board in the middle of the room that catches his gaze the most though. Dazai starts walking towards it almost absentmindedly, taking in the abbreviated tracklist and a truly large number of crossed out potential album titles. They almost take up the whole board. He leans closer to try and read them.

'Lucy actually ended up picking the album title, ' says Chuuya, making him jump embarrassingly hard in shock.

Dazai turns towards him so quickly his neck aches slightly. Chuuya is leaning against the wall next to the hallway that leads further into the apartment, watching Dazai carefully.

It 's been a long time since Dazai has seen him in person in something other than a suit. He 's dressed in a baggy red sweatshirt and grey sweatpants, his red hair drawn back in a messy ponytail.

Dazai 's grand plans of what he was going to say start slipping away at the sight of him, his heart hammering rapidly. He swallows roughly, trying to get ahold of himself. It 's hard with Chuuya looking at him.

Dazai looks for any evidence of Chuuya being distressed, but Chuuya 's expression is calm. It 's unexpected after how absolutely livid Chuuya had been the last time they 'd spoken. But he 's completely at ease as he looks at Dazai.

'What are you doing here? ' asks Chuuya. It 's not spoken like an accusation, it 's a genuine question.

'You once told me you 'd rather bash your brains in than hear

Arahabaki

on the radio, ' says Dazai, words coming out normally somehow.

Dazai half expects Chuuya to get angry or defensive. Neither of those things happen though, instead Chuuya 's expression shifts rapidly between several different ones before settling on something neutral. For a second Dazai almost swears he looks disappointed.

Chuuya sighs lightly and crosses his arms. 'I said that when I was

sixteen.

' His lips lift in a hint of a smile. 'I 'm fine. '

Out of all the scenarios Dazai had expected, Chuuya being completely unaffected had not been one of them. He scrambles for what to say. He has a million snippets of things he should say, but he has no idea how to start.

Chuuya 's phone goes off, and Chuuya frowns as he checks it. Dazai kind of still can 't believe this interaction is happening, his pulse hasn 't slowed at all. It 's making it hard to think.

Chuuya shoves his phone back into his sweatshirt, looking up at Dazai with another strange expression. 'Honestly, I 'm fine, ' says Chuuya, tone hard to understand. 'If you 're just here to check up on me, you can go. '

Dazai doesn 't want to go, he realizes abruptly. This feels like the first time he 's actually spoken to Chuuya since he 'd been eighteen. He doesn 't want to lose it. Dazai has been outraged with him since August, but none of that rage feels important right now.

Chuuya surprises him again though by walking towards the kitchen, ignoring Dazai 's presence to turn on his kettle. He looks over at Dazai again, face still hard to read. 'I 'm actually heading out soon. Doing a livestream later. '

Dazai has no idea what the fuck to do with that. 'Oh, ' he says dumbly. 'Right. '

Chuuya sighs then, his calmness slipping a little for annoyance. 'So I need you to leave, ' he says with a hint of exasperation.

'Right, ' repeats Dazai, nodding. He turns to leave, walking towards the door. He looks over his shoulder as he goes and meets Chuuya 's eyes. He still has no idea what his expression means.

Chuuya looks away first though, going to grab a mug and muttering under his breath. Dazai walks out the door, letting it close behind him awkwardly.

Nothing about the encounter makes more sense as he gets further away. Dazai doesn 't even know what he 's feeling, other than unsettled. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, finally glancing at the many, many text messages his coworkers have sent him since he 'd left.

Dazai frowns at them as he starts making his way back to the ADA, his scowl only getting deeper as he walks.

What in the actual hell had just happened?

he thinks to himself, more puzzled than he 's ever been in his entire life.

Chuuya is having a strange day. Release days have always made him nervous, and that had never faded, not with age or experience. This one is weird for reasons that have nothing to do with music though.

Chuuya had spent longer than he 'd like to admit thinking about what Dazai 's reaction would be to the song he 'd written about him. He 'd imagined many different scenarios. He 'd pictured Dazai being angry, mocking him, the cruelest of rejections. In none of those scenarios had

Dazai not even acknowledged the song and asked him if he was doing okay.

Chuuya doesn 't even have the time to figure out how he feels about any of it. He 'd taken the morning off to rest up for the livestream of the album he 's doing this afternoon. Now he has to go into the office and sing his entire album and try not to spend the entire time thinking about Dazai and what the fuck that had just been.

He sighs and shakes his head. This whole mess would have to wait. Chuuya has way more important things to think about today. Despite his mind-boggling encounter with Dazai, he

had

released an album today.

The reception is better than anything he 'd expected. It 's like Double Black but a thousand times as frenzied. His social media accounts are pretty much frozen with the number of messages and comments he's getting. He 's trending on everything, and Bygone Days is already selling a staggering amount of copies.

Chuuya can 't help from grinning like an idiot as he walks towards the office. He 'd dreaded and anticipated this day for so long, and it 's everything he 'd ever wanted on the music end. A bunch of his songs have emerged as favorites, but most of the buzz has been about

Arahabaki.

Unlike with

Corruption,

Chuuya doesn 't have to force himself to accept the compliments. It honestly feels good, having people listen to his closest guarded secrets. He knows now there isn 't going to be an event that will make him feel human, but he feels anything but hollow as he reads people's words about how much they love the song.

No matter what else happens with Dazai, Chuuya has that. He 'll deal with the rest later. Right now he 's got a show to put on.

Dazai isn 't sure how long it takes him to get back to the ADA, the only thing he is sure of is how entirely unsure he is about everything. He had set out to have an explosive confrontation, prepared to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Instead he 'd been met with nonchalance and borderline

politeness.

Chuuya had never been

polite

to him in a single interaction they had ever had.

It just doesn 't make sense. Dazai knows they haven 't spent a great deal of time together these past four, almost five years now. But when he had interacted with Chuuya lately he 'd been the same. There had been some changes, looks and Chuuya being more grounded in himself, but nothing of this scale.

Dazai resolves to try and figure it out when it gets home. He makes his expression into a semblance of something normal as he opens to the door to the office. It 's a little more difficult than usual.

The first thing that Dazai notices as he walks in is that Kunikida has brought out the war table again. The second thing is that everyone is starting at him.

His expression becomes even harder to maintain. But Dazai had been taught by the best.

'The prodigal son returns, ' calls out Ranpo from his spot at the end of the table. Yosano snickers a little.

Kunikida shoots them both a disappointed look then turns to give Dazai an even more disappointed one. 'We 've been trying to contact you. '

'Sorry, something came up, ' says Dazai lightly. He moves towards the table, taking in the others ' expressions. Atsushi in particular looks very concerned. Kyouka 's face is carefully blank. Tanizaki looks mostly uncomfortable.

Kunikida sighs deeply, adjusting his glasses in obvious irritation. 'Well, you 're here now. Take a seat. '

Dazai sits in the only open chair across from Atsushi. Kenji is next to him, though he 's staring at his phone. Dazai realizes he has wireless headphones in and isn 't paying attention.

Kunikida seems to notice as the same moment. 'Kenji, ' he says loudly, snapping his fingers.

Kenji pulls out one of his earbuds, a confused look on his face. 'Something wrong? '

'We 're in the middle of an important discussion, ' says Kunikida, frowning at him.

Kenji blinks innocently. 'Kyouka is watching it too. '

Kyouka scowls at Kenji, pulling out a headphone too. 'Chuuya is doing a livestream of his album, ' she says, putting her phone that had been on her lap on the table.

'And you 've been watching it without us? ' asks Ranpo with a pout. He rushes towards the hallway. 'Let me get the big screen! '

'Do not get the big screen, ' commands Kunikida, which Ranpo ignores. He sighs and rubs his forehead as Ranpo wheels the television into the room, huffing slightly from the exertion.

'This is all unnecessary anyway, ' says Dazai, voice slightly patronizing.

Kunikida stops glaring at Ranpo to glare at Dazai. 'It very much is, ' he says strongly. 'We need a comprehensive strategy about out response. The phones have already been ringing off the hook asking for a comment. I don 't want a repeat of last time. '

Dazai rolls his eyes but doesn 't argue further.

Ranpo finally gets the television working and Chuuya 's face appears on the screen. He 's changed from earlier, now in black jeans and a gray t-shirt. It takes Dazai a moment to notice his hat is missing, which adds another incomprehensible piece to the puzzle.

'Turn that off, ' snaps Kunikida.

'This is research, ' claims Ranpo innocently. He turns the volume down low for the moment. 'Know thy enemy and all that. '

'Chuuya Nakahara is not our enemy, ' says Kunikida, looking like he might actually strangle him.

'I vote we watch it, ' says Kenji cheerfully. 'It 's almost over anyway. '

Kunikida sighs, putting his head in his hands. He seems to give up on trying to change their minds though.

'What did we miss? ' Yosano asks Kenji and Kyouka.

'He just sang

The Moon Awaits Her Executioner

, ' says Kyouka. She 's obviously trying not to smile.

'He sang

Port Mafia Black

with The Black Lizards earlier, ' says Kenji excitedly. '

I still bleed, Port Mafia black, '

sings Kenji enthusiastically.

Atsushi frowns at them. 'Maybe Dazai doesn 't want to watch this. ' He gives Dazai another concerned look.

'I don 't mind, ' says Dazai dismissively. His day is already profoundly suboptimal. 'It 's not like I haven 't heard Chuuya sing a thousand times. '

'He wasn 't singing a song about you, ' points out Yosano, voice a little kinder than before.

'How bad can it be? ' asks Dazai nonchalantly with a shrug.

The room suddenly goes silent. Everyone is staring at him again.

'You mean you haven 't listened to it yet? ' asks Atsushi, voice a touch frantic.

'I 've been a little busy, ' says Dazai, frowning despite himself.

The song had honestly been the lowest thing on his list of priorities. He 'd been aware of it in the back of his mind, but Chuuya and

Arahabaki

had taken precedent. Then he 'd been too shook up about his strange meeting with Chuuya to give it much thought.

Besides, Chuuya sharing in song form how much he detests him isn 't something he 'd really been looking forward to hearing.

'Perhaps you 'd like to hear it alone first, ' suggests Kunikida, still looking at Dazai with wide eyes.

'He 's about to sing it, ' says Kyouka, also looking at Dazai a little warily.

'I 'd rather just get it over with, ' says Dazai. He signals to Ranpo to turn up the volume. Ranpo does, though he looks a little hesitant about it.

Chuuya is sitting at the piano, looking as natural as he always does. The camera is focused mostly on him, though there are various musicians in the background that Dazai might recognize if had a better view.

Chuuya is smiling, adjusting his mic a little. 'I feel this next song needs very little introduction, ' says Chuuya. There 's a hint of a smirk on his face. 'It 's called

I 'm Not Allowed To Comment on Ongoing Port Mafia Records ' Legal Disputes, But-

. '

Dazai raises an eyebrow at the title, unsure whether he should find it funny or annoying.

'This one 's for you, mackerel, ' says Chuuya wryly, winking at the camera.

Dazai blinks, fighting to keep his face blank.

'Did he just call Dazai a fish? ' whispers Kenji. He quickly gets shushed and Ranpo turns up the volume further.

Chuuya starts playing the piano, the notes loud and strong. The sound of the drums and guitar join in, setting a uptempo beat. Chuuya keeps playing the keys as he starts the first verse, voice as devastatingly perfect as always.

'

I used to think you took music with you when you left

, ' sings Chuuya, the words coming out a touch acerbic. '

I did not write, I did not play for an age. '

Dazai is hit with the conundrum that this song is possibly going to be catchy and follow him for the rest of his life as Chuuya continues.

And I used to not see the point to love songs

But I guess it 's time for me to wave the white flag

Dazai is distracted from dissecting that line by the tempo ramping up as Chuuya keeps singing.

And sometimes people ask me

If we shared a bed

As if that 's more intimate than a stage

But people always ask me

What I think of you

So I 'm finally taking the chance to say

Chuuya drags out the last word before launching into the next lines with gusto, smile clear on his face.

You 're a bitch, You 're a bastard

You 're the biggest asshole I 've ever met

You 're a dick, You 're a liar

The only thing you 're good for is regret

Dazai is aware the others are all looking at him, but he doesn 't have the mental capacity to consider their feelings at this moment. He 's too fixated on Chuuya singing about how awful he is with such glee.

Then the song changes abruptly, the other instruments fading away as Chuuya plays the piano more gently. '

But I 'm the fool

, ' sings Chuuya, voice soft to match the piano.

'I 'm the idiot. Because half the songs I write still start out as duets. '

Oh no,

thinks Dazai faintly to himself as his life is once again turned upside all over two lines.

Chuuya continues playing with his more sincere and earnest tone, the jarring switch of the genre somehow working with his expertise.

Because I can 't really hate you for leaving

When I never asked you to stay

I 'm so fucking sick of all the lies

And only reaching for the cruelest things to say

Because my real problem with your music

Has nothing to do with the quality of the songs

It 's really because deep down I know

I wish I were there singing along

To me you 're just like the ocean

A force of nature that can't be denied

Fifty different people in one body

Without which I would not have survived

'And whenever people always ask me, what am I looking for

, ' sings Chuuya, belting out the last note. Then his voice gets quieter. '

The answer never changes, it cannot be ignored

. ' His tone is almost wistful. '

I just want someone who gets what my music is about. You 're still the only one. '

He shifts to playing and singing louder again with the next lines.

So I guess the main thing that I 'm trying to say

Is that despite all the taunts, all the fights, all those hopeless sleepless nights

Is that you are the absolute worst, but I love you anyway

He sings the last line a cappella, voice ringing out flawlessly. Then he plays a short little ditty and adds with a smirk, '

And that I haven 't peaked, fucker.

'

You could hear a pin drop in the room. There are a multitude of expressions on his coworkers faces.

Then Dazai starts laughing hysterically (it 's still the preferred option between that, sobbing or screaming.)

Because Chuuya loves him. Chuuya

loves

him.

Chuuya

loves

him.

The person who Dazai had sworn he could never have at sixteen, the person he 'd concluded at eighteen he 'd lost forever, is in

love

with him.

Chuuya

loves him back.

And Dazai

had gone to his apartment to ask if he was okay.

Without acknowledging it at all. No wonder Chuuya had looked at him like that. It had been possibly the strangest unintentional rejection of all time.

The universe has to be playing the longest running joke on him. It 's too much. Can he really just never catch a fucking break? Isn 't seven years of waiting long enough?

It is possible some of the tears leaking from his eyes aren 't just from the laughter. He 's not even sure if they 're tears of sadness or tears of overwhelming relief.

Chuuya Nakahara loves him.

Dazai feels like he could burst from the knowledge, the scarring over of a wound he 'd carried for all this time.

Dazai tries to catch his breath, aware that his coworkers are still staring at him. He 's surprised when he looks up to see what looks like anger on Atsushi 's face though.

'Is that last line in the released version? ' asks Dazai, still laughing.

'Yes it is, ' says Kyouka quickly, frowning at him. Her eyes flick back to the screen. 'He 's about to sing

Arahabaki.

'

Dazai 's laughter vanishes immediately. He 'd almost forgotten with how sharp his relief had been. But his stomach is in knots as he turns to listen to the one song in the world he hates more than

Corruption.

'This last song is both easy and difficult to explain, ' says Chuuya, setting down a water bottle he 'd been drinking from on top of the piano. He runs a hand through his hair. 'It 's partly about a god of destruction. ' He shrugs, almost smiling. 'It 's also about me. '

The other instruments are gone, and Chuuya is by himself as he plays the piano. Dazai feels goosebumps at the eerily familiar melody, one he hadn 't been aware how well he 'd remembered. He struggles to swallow as he watches Chuuya jump into the first verse, tone distinctly different that the last song. Any lightness has faded for wrath and resentment.

The true nature of your existence

Is something you 've always known

You may look just like a human

But creatures like you are meant to be alone

Chuuya grows even louder as he sings the chorus, voice filled with hatred and turmoil.

You know that you 're-

A god of calamity

Everything you touch, you destroy

Nothing will escape you

Arahabaki, Arahabaki, Arahabaki

He sings quieter again, but with no less anguish.

What does it mean to be human?

Did you trick them into thinking you 're human?

Why even bother trying to be a human?

It isn 't something you deserve

Dazai digs his nails into his palms as he listens, once again finding it unfathomable how Chuuya could have looked so nonplussed this morning. If Chuuya had been putting on an act, Dazai is going to scream at him until he loses his voice.

But Chuuya keeps playing without any of the signs of distress that Dazai remembers from

Corruption.

There 's no hesitation or unease as he continues with the next verse.

Time flows on and you keep pretending

Those you love you deceive

Though you may play at being human

You know it 's something you will never achieve

But deep down you don 't want to be-

A god of calamity

But everything I touch, I destroy

Nothing will escape me

Arahabaki, Arahabaki, Arahabaki

'What does it mean to be human? '

sings Chuuya softly, voice just audible over the piano, '

I can 't seem to figure it out.

' The anger is gone, replaced by despair.

'

This has to be a nightmare. I have to wake up somehow. '

Chuuya keeps playing the piano, the notes light and miserable. Eventually he lets it fade until there 's nothing.

'

No

, ' sings Chuuya, voice almost a whisper. '

No. No. No.

' His voice builds with each word, voice strong. '

Oh expectations, stale and dismal airs, '

he sings like a declaration, '

L

eave this body of mine

!"

He launches into the final chorus, playing and singing emphatically.

I am not-

A god of calamity

I can create, not just destroy

I will escape from this nightmare

No longer Arahabaki, Arahabaki, Arahabaki

What does it mean to be human?

I think I 'm going to try to be human

Even if it kills me I 'll die a human

At least I won 't die alone

He stands up from the piano, grabbing the microphone and singing the last lines a cappella.

Oh grantors of dark disgrace

I have awoken for good

Chuuya smiles as he finishes, and that is the final straw for Dazai who had been making a colossal effort to keep it together up to this point.

Dazai stands up abruptly from his chair. 'If you 'll excuse me for a moment, ' he says thickly, aware that there is no possibility of him hiding the tears gathering in his eyes.

He quickly walks out the door before anyone can say anything else.

By the time Dazai returns from the bathroom, Atsushi and Ranpo are the only ones left in the room. He suspects the others have gone home based on how the sun is no longer out. He approaches them with a light smile.

'Dazai, ' says Atsushi, sitting up with a jerk as he notices him. 'Are you okay? '

'I 'm fine, ' says Dazai. He 's aware it probably sounds like a lie, but he actually means it for once. His red-rimmed eyes and messy hair probably make him less believable though. 'Did Kunikida say anything before he left? '

'Not really, ' says Ranpo with a shrug. 'He seemed pretty freaked out by you crying. '

Dazai nods, taking a seat on top of the table. It 's a reasonable reaction. Dazai is more than slightly uncomfortable that everyone had seen him cry too. Not crying hadn 't been an option though, not after that.

'Are you sure you 're okay? ' asks Atsushi again. He 's frowning at him.

'Yes, ' says Dazai plainly, meeting Atsushi 's gaze. 'I was just caught off guard. '

Atsushi 's frown doesn 't go away though. 'Kunikida is still going to want to know how you want to respond to the song. The one about you. '

'Yes, I suppose he will, ' says Dazai, not able to hold back a smile and a small snicker.

Dazai is surprised when Atsushi lets out a scoff and gets up from the table, walking towards his desk in irritation.

'Something wrong? ' Dazai asks him, glancing to Ranpo to see if he knows what 's going on. Ranpo just raises both his eyebrows.

'It 's a little cruel, don 't you think? ' asks Atsushi, spinning around to face them, practically glowering at Dazai. 'Even if you don 't feel the same way, it took courage to be that vulnerable. I thought you'd understand that. '

Dazai sighs and pulls out his phone, tapping the screen quickly to send a message. He looks up again at Atsushi when he finishes.

'Don 't ignore what I'm trying to-

did you just send me an email

? ' Atsushi demands in outrage, scowling at his phone. His eyes narrow as he sees the attachment. 'What is this? '

'It 's the song I wrote about how I feel about Chuuya, ' says Dazai matter of factly.

Atsushi looks from him to his phone and back again. 'When did you write this? '

'While I was in the bathroom, ' answers Dazai easily, smiling lightly.

'I thought you were in there crying, ' says Atsushi, looking slightly bewildered.

'It 's called multitasking, ' says Dazai flippantly, waving a hand dismissively. Ranpo snorts from beside him.

Atsushi is looking at his phone again, expression getting even more perplexed. 'This is..you-. ' He shakes his head and looks up at Dazai. 'This is how you feel? '

'Yup, ' says Dazai cheerfully, smile growing bigger.

Atsushi stares at him for a moment. 'So you 're going to share this with him? '

'Oh, no, ' says Dazai quickly, shaking his head. 'Definitely not. '

'

Why?

" 'Atsushi looks like he 's about to throw his phone at him.

'Eh, he 's too short for me, ' says Dazai with a shrug, fighting not to smirk.

Atsushi sputters at him, too upset to form words. Then he throws up his hands and walks towards the door. He gives Dazai one last incensed look as he goes.

'You shouldn 't involve the kid in your schemes like that, ' says Ranpo. He 's smiling too though.

'It 's necessary, ' says Dazai. He knows he 'd resolved not to manipulate his coworkers, Atsushi in particular. But frankly he 'd do much worse when it came to Chuuya. 'Plus all 's fair in war and that other thing. '

Ranpo laughs, shaking his head. 'Good luck with that, ' he says simply.

'You don 't seem surprised about any of this, ' comments Dazai. He gives Ranpo a questioning look.

'I had my suspicions for a while, ' says Ranpo, nodding, 'But the clincher was

play me a song, oh play it soft and sweet. '

He says the lyrics and raises an eyebrow.

Dazai snorts. At least someone had been able to see through it. Thinking of

Play Me A Song

doesn 't ache anymore though, not like it used to. Dazai still feels jittery, full of energy. He 'd woken up today thinking it was going to be awful. Chuuya had always had a habit of proving his predictions wrong.

'You know, ' says Ranpo thoughtfully, 'I wasn 't sure if you 'd be a good fit when you started working here. ' It 's factual rather than unkind. 'Not because of your past with Port Mafia Records, you just gave off this vibe. ' Ranpo wiggles a hand. 'Now I don 't think it matters whether you 're a good fit or not, I think it matters more that you want to be. '

Dazai looks at him in surprise, a complement (or sort of complement) is a rare thing from Ranpo. He smirks at him. 'You 're saying the great Edogawa Ranpo made a mistake? '

'I made a miscalculation based on the data I had at the time, ' corrects Ranpo, crossing his arms. 'I don 't make mistakes. '

'Of course not, ' agrees Dazai easily, laughing a little. He 's emoted more this day than he thinks he has in years.

He can 't stop smiling though. Dazai isn 't used to feeling like this. It 's a mix of adrenaline and the deepest assuagement he 's ever encountered.

Dazai really needs to focus though. He 's got a slug to catch.