'Mr. Dazai. ' Snape spoke clearly, despite the growl underneath his words. 'We need to have a talk. '

Only one day in and he 's already in 'trouble. 'Figures. Dazai pasted on an empty smile. 'Yes, sir? '

Staring down at him with an odd, sharp expression to his face, Snape looked the image of annoyance. The professor stuck his chin out. 'I think you 'd prefer we discuss this in the privacy of my classroom. Come along. '

Dazai shrugged, following Snape back into the classroom whilst mentally going over everything he 'd done in class today. 'Is this about asking an 'idiotic question, ' sir? ' He should learn to keep his mouth shut, honestly. Even back home when he 's beaten and bloody, there 's a voice in the back of Dazai 's head that

begs

to instigate further. He 's usually good at shutting up and following orders, but he hadn 't pegged anyone in potions as a threat enough for such precautions.

Professor Snape spun on his heels until he was facing his student once again. He took in a deep breath as if preparing to say something horribly taxing.

'How is your arm? '

'What? ' The startled interjection was out of his mouth before Dazai even registered it.

'Your arm, boy. The one you so foolishly decided to cut into at 'Diagon 'Alley. '

Dazai felt his hand unconsciously move to rub at where the cut had been. With how long the Hogwarts ' robes were, even the edges of his bandages were barely visible. 'Fine. ' He replied almost hesitantly, 'Dr. Mori took care of it. '

Well, Mori knew about it at least.

Snape 's eyes thinned, thought Dazai wasn 't sure what that particular expression was supposed to mean. 'I 'll be the judge of that. Give it here. ' When Dazai didn 't make to hand his arm over, Snape 's thin lips grew taught. 'Perhaps my previous attempts at healing that injury failed, but that doesn 't mean I trust muggle methods for healing. Especially... ' Snape 's eyes rolled over those bandages again like he was seeing something

more

. He cleared his throat. 'See Madam 'Pomfrey 'for it at the very least. '

'Who? '

'The Hogwarts matron. '

Sighing, Dazai let his posture deflate a bit. 'Ah, there 's no use in arguing, right? '

In return, Snape gave a glare that very clearly spelled out this order was not up for debate. Dazai 's gaze wandered under the pressure before eventually landing on Snape 's stock of potion ingredients by the far-wall. Some of those were bound to be poisonous, right? Maybe something to stop his heart or melt his brain '

'Further, ' Snape continued. He waited a few seconds until Dazai 's eyes were back on him. 'Your outburst in class today is unacceptable. '

It was about that, I was right.

With a smirk, Dazai deadpanned, 'I 'm not even allowed to ask questions in class, huh. '

'

Questions

are permitted, ' Snape ground out, 'ideations of

murder

are not. '

Murder? Dazai supposed a potion that could kill his enemies would be helpful 'he wondered if it was traceable through modern forensic technology. It was an interesting idea, but Dazai waved off the concern with a bandaged hand. 'I was just curious. Anyway, if we aren 't going to brew it, then that 's that. '

Actually, he 'd been thinking about a new suicide method via instant death potion, but Dazai wasn 't sure how he felt about Snape having that information on him. It wasn 't like he expected the professor to be concerned or anything, but something about the way Snape watched him now gave him pause. Dazai held his tongue on the matter of self-poisoning and pursued less honest endeavors such as: running away.

'Is that all, sir? '

Dazai watched as Snape 's face did some quick, unexplainable gymnastics. Finally, he let out a burdened sigh layered with more background anger than Dazai thought strictly necessary. 'Yes. Go see the matron now, I expect you 'll have plenty of time before lunch. '

As if I 'm going to do that!

'

Right away, sir. '

'And Mr. Dazai. '

The bandaged student blinked.

'...If your housemates are giving you trouble, I expect you to come to me for help. Understand? '

Ah... had Professor Snape heard that nonsense he 'd told Ron? Oops.

Dazai waited a moment longer, declining to answer. Seeming to sigh, Snape to nodded, giving Dazai leave to scurry out of the empty potions classroom. He felt a bit like a rat at that moment but didn 't think Snape was nearly clever enough to be the cat chasing him down. Still, the professor pulling him aside like that couldn 't mean anything but trouble in the long-run.

Exiting the dungeons, Dazai decided to wander the halls. It'd been long enough that he wasn 't sure where Draco (and co.) had run off to, and he 'd assured Ron he 'd give the boy some time to think. He didn 't know where anyone was, but there were still thirty minutes left until he had to report in for lunch. Unfortunately, all Dazai had learned about navigating Hogwarts since that morning was that he should stick with a group of people who knew where to go.

There was probably a library around here somewhere, right? Maybe he should try and find it.

----

He was lost.

There was absolutely no sense to these damn halls! You take one staircase only to turn around and find a different one in its place. Dazai was

positive

one staircase had taken him to three entirely separate buildings at one point. He still wasn 't entirely sure how that one worked. Then a staircase had started moving the exact second Dazai 's foot left the ground and he almost fell off the blasted thing! It was when the numbering on the doors went from 100s to 500s in the span on one right-turn that Dazai decided to call it quits.

'I 'll just die here. ' He whined to an empty corridor. Slumping into himself, he sighed. 'It 's not the death I imagined, but perhaps the death I deserve. Starving in this labyrinthine hellscape... just kill me already. ' He took a final step before deciding to just lay down and wait for death. 'At least I won 't have to see Mori 's smug face anymore. Or... '

'Well, well, well! Look what we have here! '

Dazai startled to attention, shooting up from the floor and quickly searching for whoever had snuck up on him. Immediately, Dazai 's eyes latched onto a shallow, transparent figure floating near the ceilings. He had black hair, black eyes, and a look positively

dripping

with mischief. The ghost was wearing a jester's outfit. Dazai would love to humor the chaos there if it wasn 't directed at him.

'Ittie 'bittie 'snakie 'got lost? Guess beneath all that prim and proper and purity you 're all just as incompetent as the rest of these fools! '

'Another ghost. ' Dazai murmured, mostly for himself. 'That 's horrifying. Please don 't tell me that

everyone

who dies here has to keep living as a ghost. '

What a horrible place, if that 's the case. Dazai will drop out right now and look at

other

places of education. Ones where he can also pursue his interest in novel suicide methods without the threat of having to stick around after.

'Ah! It 's that snot-nosed Slytherin Baron was going on about! ' The poltergeist cackled, 'I see what he was talking about! You are a weird little 'brat 'aren 't you? '

The Bloody Baron was gossiping about him? He 'd have to do something about that. In the meantime, however...

'It 's that strange energy or whatever that Baron guy was talking about, right? He never did get around to explaining. ' Dazai commented, listlessly prying for information. One last interrogation before the winding, endless hallways decided to walk him straight to his death. He was almost feeling nostalgic.

Of course, expressing curiosity turned out to be a mistake when the jester-like ghost guffawed. 'Wouldn 't you like to know, baby snake! Isn 't that cute, the 'lil ' 'snakie 'wants to know something! '

Dazai huffed. This ghost was

beyond

annoying in a way that went beyond the Bloody Baron phasing through the wall mid-conversation. When the spirit started miming something lewd over his head, Dazai resolved himself: he was going to kill the ghost. Somehow. Probably torture him for information first. Dazai had definitely dealt with worse and more annoying people before, but he 'd never been strictly

allowed

to torture then kill them. Not

all

of them, at least.

Naturally, then, he should kill the ghost.

...

Can

you kill a ghost?

One way to find out,

Dazai thought. Without warning, he reached out to grab at the ghost 's foot as the thing swooped overhead. He wasn 't sure what he expected to happen 'maybe to catch a leg, or to pass right through 'but it wasn 't

this.

The ghost

shrieked,

backpedaling (somehow, midair) as far from Dazai as he could get. The mafioso stared after him blankly, spreading out his fingers in the air where he hadn 't even been 'close 'to the spirit.

Dazai blinked, and the spirit vanished through a wall.

'What was

that? '

Yeah, what

was

that?

He spun on his heels to face the voice 'Hermione 'with a grin, then a shrug. "I 'm starting to sense a trend, ' Dazai groaned, 'If one ghost could just answer my question before floating through a wall then I 'll gladly die in peace. '

Hermione blinked in such a way that Dazai assumed was enthusiastic agreement.

'Well, I 'll happily die either way, but I really don 't like being left hanging like that... and I 'd hate to come back as a ghost with

that

as my unfinished business. Say, Hermione, when I die will you help guide my ghostly soul into eternal slumber? '

'...What? '

That, too, Dazai was choosing to read as agreement. At the blank (supportive!) look the girl wore, Dazai quickly pivoted topics.

'So 'what brings you down here, anyway? '

Wherever here is,

he didn 't add (but thought hard enough that if telepathy

were

real, 'someone 'definitely got the message), 'Should you be talking with a no-good snake like me? '

Hermione seemed to puff up at the accusation. 'I, for one, don 't believe in all that house segregation nonsense. ' She smiled like the words were some grand overture.

'How gracious! '

'Besides, we spoke on the train, didn 't we? Slytherin or no, I think you may be nicer than most of these other students! If you don 't mind my saying. '

Dazai?

Nice?

That was almost funny! Still, he could read the hidden words on the girl 's lips well enough to leave Hermione 's poor character assessment alone for now. 'Gryffindor not treating you well? ' He hazarded.

'Oh, you 're right! ' She cried, 'Neville will talk with me, sure. But to everyone else, they treat me like some sort of ' '

'Know-it-all? '

' 'freak! ' Hermione finished. She looked ready to continue before Dazai 's interjection seemed to register. 'Hold on '

Know-it-all?! '

"

As it happens, ' Dazai continued seamlessly, 'I don 't think I 'm getting on well in Slytherin, either. ' At ' Hermione's worried glance, he added, 'Something about blood purity. I can 't listen to a word out of Draco 's mouth without falling asleep, but he made it

look

important with all the hand gestures and threatening body guards and powerplays. '

Something about what he 'd said must have been startling, because Hermione 's hands flew to her mouth. 'They

didn 't!

Oh, you should have been Gryffindor! They may be bullies, but at least they aren 't pure blood supremacists!

'

'

I 'm sure they 're not... ' Well,

they were,

but Dazai was in the particular position that he found their supremacy nonsense vaguely amusing and

very

fun to mess with. 'Ah, it doesn 't matter. You should talk to Ron about me being Gryffindor, though. He definitely agrees, but he 's being difficult. '

Again, Hermione only wore a look that was vaguely confused. Dazai let it slide, because he already had his claws in Gryffindor (read: Ron) and having two moles wasn 't strictly necessary. Could be fun though. A good head-start on Malfoy, too, who didn 't have

any

Gryffindor supporters and probably never would.

Annoying prick.

Whatever. He was starting to think he might

actually

have a prayer of escaping these damned halls and that was just-a-bit more important at the moment. Dazai offered what was probably a pleasant look and not a deeply exhausted one. 'You wouldn 't happen to know where the library is, would you? '

The word

library

seemed to jumpstart Hermione. Dazai briefly enjoyed how easy the girl was to move from topic-to-topic. She seemed flighty in an intelligent sort of way, if that was possible. Or maybe she was just a people-pleaser 'Dazai understood the feeling in his own misguided sort of way.

'I just came from there, actually! It 's just down the hall. ' '

You mean there 's

reason

to how these halls are organized?!

'I can show you there if you 'd like. '

And you can understand it?!

Dazai opened his mouth to say something much more collected, like, 'Please do, ' or 'Along the way, are there any good spots for hanging oneself? ' but never got the chance.

The bushy-haired girl interrupted his intentions with a frown. 'But there 's not really the time for that now. It 's lunch time 'actually we 're a bit late. Don 't tell me you 've been looking for the library this whole time? '

Dazai was very,

very

good at lying. '...do you know the way to the Great Hall? ' But what was the point?

Hermione snorted. Dazai followed.

He felt a bit like a dog in that moment.

(That meant they were friends, right?)

----

'You 're late. ' Draco commented idly, looking Dazai up-and-down. 'Don 't tell me you were planning to spend your lunch with that Weasley. '

'Hardly. I think he hates me. '

'You 're the one who ran off to sit with him during potions. '

Pansy nodded, looking confident. 'What was that all about? Sitting with a blood traitor of all people! '

'And asking such a stupid question! Do you want to lose us house points!? '

Dazai shrugged, feeling lazy from all the boring classes. 'Information gathering. '

'About poisons. ' Blaise deadpanned.

'Among other things. Ah, no thank you. '

Blaise slid the ham-and-cheese sandwich in front of Dazai regardless of the refusal. His expression took on a curious frown. 'Alright. ' Blaise 's eyes seemed to analyze Dazai, but he didn 't push.

Dazai shrugged the other boy off, not particularly caring. He let the gifted sandwich go ignored, instead smiling hollowly towards Draco. The boy wasn 't his

boss,

but it didn 't hurt to pretend he was for now. 'And I spent my lunch wandering the halls. Draco left me behind, so I got lost. '

'Only because you chose that Weasley over 'us! ' 'Malfoy ground out. As if to emphasize this point, he stabbed a fork into a grape.

'Information gathering. ' Dazai repeated, clicking his tongue, 'It 's like you don 't listen to a thing I say, Boss. ' When Draco perked up at the title, Dazai added, 'I 'd already laid some groundwork over in Gryffindor back on the train. I wanted to see if anything had paid off. '

Five pairs of eyes blinked back at him, dumbfounded. It wasn 't until 'Blaise 'whistled lowly that the others seemed to snap back to attention. Draco spoke first, ever the leader:

'Maybe you do have some Slytherin in you after all, Dazai! '

'

Cunning

, sure

,

' 'Pansy 'chimed in, 'but still a dirty 'muggleborn... '

Blaise nodded, looking more amused than impressed, but impressed nonetheless.

Almost eagerly, Draco asked. 'Well? Does he trust you? '

'Give it a couple of weeks. ' Dazai replied simply. Gosh, these brats were just too much fun to mess with. 'Until then, you 've got me all to yourselves. Aren 't you lucky!"