You beg for some sort of training. If they're going to let you out of the walls, you ought to at least be somewhat prepared. At least, that's what you tell your doctor.

Fizal says it's unwise, but you go to Erwin, and he agrees to get Hange to show you the basics. Hange has visited you several times in the past few months, and it feels nice to be able to build up a friendship with someone that isn't completely focused on your lack of memory.

The first thing they show you are the horses. Getting up on one is a little unnatural, and the horse doesn't seem to like you that much. Hange laughs as you swing upside in your saddle, nearly smacking your head against the ground. You tuck your chin in at the last second. "I've got- I've got a faulty saddle!" you excuse quickly.

Hange laughs. "You almost hit your head! You want more amnesia?"

"Obviously not!" you say with a scowl, trying to separate yourself from the horse.

"How would that work?" they muse. "Does the amnesia, like, multiply? Would you forget things even more than you've already forgotten them?"

"Is that even possible?" you growl under your breath. You finally manage to get your foot out of the stirrup, and you collapse in a heap to the ground. The horse neighs above you, almost in amusement. "Oh, shut up," you grumble to the horse.

Hange laughs again and offers you a hand. You let them help you to your feet, and you brush off your pants. Erwin returned your old uniform, which wasn't much: beige pants, a white collared shirt, a brown jacket, and a green cloak with the winds insignia on it. You'd left both the cloak and the jacket behind. It didn't feel right to wear them. "Don't worry," Hange says, breaking you out of your thoughts. "You'll be riding tandem with Levi, so he'll take care of most of the work. All you have to do is hold on."

You sigh, looking back at the horse. "No, it's fine," you say firmly. "I want to do this."

"Alright," they say with a sigh as you start attempting to get back up on your horse. "Yeah, you've got it. Like that. Yep, put your foot there- you've got it! Nice, Logan!" Hange calls as you hastily takes the reins of the horse, eager not to fall off again. "Yeah, nice and gentle, just take her forward- oh, crap!"

The horse neighs and rears back. Somehow, you manage to stay on, your hands twisting into the reins and the horse's mane. "Holy shit!" you cry as the horse gallops forward.

You don't manage to hold on for much longer. The horse turns so sharply that you fall sideways. Determined not to get tangled in the saddle again, you manage to slip your feet out of the stirrups and let yourself fall off. The grass does little to break your fall, but it doesn't hurt much. Maybe you're used to falling down a lot.

"It's progress!" Hange shouts.

Your horse trots back to the barn, looking awfully damn proud of itself.

"Yeah," you scowl through gritted teeth. "Progress."

.

Your weeks before the expedition are consumed with learning how to ride that stupid horse, learning the Survey Corps formations from either Hange or Erwin, and the basics of titans with Hange. So, surprisingly, your unsuccessful riding lessons have been the highlight.

After several unsuccessful attempts of bonding with your horse, Hange introduces you to Mike- only after asking if it's okay that they share your situation with him. "He's one of our best!" they say in assurance. "And I'm sure he won't care that you've got amnesia."

"Sure," you say with a shrug. Why not add to your very short list of people who you know?

When you meet Mike, he doesn't feel familiar. He's tall, with faded brown hair and a mustache, and he holds himself with the dignity of a soldier. He's wearing the full Survey Corps uniform- pants, boots, shirt, jacket- but somehow he feels more professional than Hange, who almost looks like they're playing dress up when compared to Mike.

He eyes you. "You have no memories?" Mike asks.

You cross your arms, feeling like you need to be more presentable. "No."

He leans forward, and your first instinct is to jerk back, but you force yourself to stay still. Mike moves in almost like he wants to whisper in your ear. You stay quiet, listening, and stiffen when you hear him sniff. "What are you doing?" you ask in surprise, unable to help yourself.

"He..." Hange trails off. "He likes to sniff people when he first meets them."

He likes to... what? You're so puzzled that you don't say a word as Mike leans back, apparently content. "Still smells the same as before," he says, glancing at Hange. They shrug. "Hange says you're having trouble with your horse?"

"My horse is having trouble with me," you say immediately, shooting a withering glare at the horse. Its reins are tied to the fence post, keeping it from going anywhere. It neighs at you. "It bucks me off every time I'm on it."

"Well, if you're not nice to her, she won't be nice to you," Mike muses, heading to your horse.

"I'm nice!" you protest, shooting a glare at your horse when Mike isn't looking. "I- I feed her, I'm not hurting her, she's got water-"

"That's how you measure being nice?" he shoots back, raising an eyebrow at you. "By not causing any physical harm and providing her with basic necessities?" He almost looks disappointed. "That's just basic decency."

Your words die in your throat.

Something surfaces in your brain. Sharp pain shoots through your head and you squeeze your eyes shut. The warmth of a fire. Heat in your throat from some sort of drink. You squeeze your eyes shut, and your headache must be awful because somehow, you hear laughter.

Then a glass breaks and your eyes shoot open.

"Hey! You zoned out there."

You blink, looking up to Hange. They're staring at you with a grin, but their eyebrows are creased with worry. They ask you if you're alright, and you nod. "Fine, sorry," you say. You turn back to Mike. "Sorry. I guess I'm not that good with animals."

Mike shrugs, patting your horse's mane. "She just needs a bit more respect. Horses are prideful animals."

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. Slowly, you head over to your horse. Mike takes his hand away and you press yours into the side of your horse's neck, head pounding. What was that? A memory of sorts? Nothing concrete comes to mind. Sighing, you stroke your horse's mane. "Sorry," you mutter, wondering if somehow the animal would understand. "Can we try this again?"

The horse snorts as if to say, finally.

Carefully, you hook your foot into a stirrup and grab the top of the saddle, then swing yourself over. The horse stays and allows you to settle in, making sure you're balanced and set up. You lightly take the reins. "Okay, let's..." you huff. "Let's take a lap."

You squeeze with your thighs, and the horse lurches forward. You steady yourself, and as the horse picks up speed, try to remember everything Hange tried to teach you about riding. "Come on, dumbass," you whisper to yourself, and then your eyes widen, "me! I'm the dumbass. Not you, you're a smart horse."

The horse whinnies in agreement. You laugh and tug lightly to the right, and she turns.

Eventually, you make it all the way around the enclosure: a full lap. When you make it back, Hange is bouncing from foot to foot in excitement, and Mike is smirking. "You got it!" Hange whoops, hands punched in the hair. "Not bad for two weeks of work!"

You can't help but grin- their attitude is infectious. "Thanks," you say, patting your horse. "Took me way too long though. Isabel would've got it in a day, tops."

You unwind your hands from the reins and pull your boots out of the stirrups. With a bit more confidence, you swing your leg over the horse and lower yourself to the ground. Pleased with yourself, you turn back to Mike and Hange. Mike has an eyebrow raised at you and Hange's jaw has slipped open. Their eyes are wide in surprise and a bit of worry.

"What?" you say, grinning. "Didn't expect me to get off okay?"

"You- you know Isabel?" Hange asks in disbelief.

You frown. "Who?"

"You just mentioned someone named Isabel," Mike says slowly, exchanging a slow glance with Hange.

"I... I don't know an Isabel," you say, eyebrows knitting together.

"But you just said," Hange says, eyes darting from Mike and back to you. You almost shrink back- they're acting like you're crazy. "You just said Isabel would've got it in a day. Isabel is- Isabel was-"

Mike clears his throat. "Hange."

You look between the two of them, feeling uncomfortable. "I told you, I don't remember anything," you say firmly, "but I'm trying. If- if I remember an Isabel, I'll be sure to let you know. The name doesn't ring any bells. I don't know what you're talking about."

You grip your horse's reins and turn her back to the stable, brain pounding in your skull, Hange's eyes drilling holes into your head from behind you.

.

On the day of the expedition, Erwin gives you two handheld devices with grappling hooks and a harness.

"It's an early prototype of the devices that the military police use," he says patiently. Levi is waiting next to you, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Their ODM gear is designed for maneuvering between buildings while ours is meant for killing titans, so there are some differences. The biggest one is that their hooks come from the guns they hold."

You turn them over in your hands in fascination. It's bulkier than a gun, and the hooks on the ends looks like they could skewer you through the head if you're not careful.

"It's a precaution," Erwin explains. "It would be ill-advised to have you outside of the walls completely un-equiped. This is meant as a last resort. We are headed for a forest, so all you would have to do is aim it upwards and let it pull you up into the trees. It is only to be used in stages of emergency." His eyes harden. "Is that understood?"

"Y- Yes," you stammer, clipping the handles of the gun-like objects to your belt. "Emergencies only."

Erwin glances at Levi. "She's never used it before, so there's no risk of her attempting to regain past skills. I doubt she will have to use it."

"Fine," Levi mutters.

The blond man nods curtly and looks back at you. "You'll be riding with Levi," he says. "Under no circumstances are you do anything other than observe. If you remember anything, immediately inform Levi. You will obey anything myself or Levi asks of you, with no hesitation. Is that clear?"

You nod. "Yes, sir."

"Even," Erwin says, his voice low, "if I command you to hide up in the trees and you have to watch comrades getting eaten below."

You swallow.

"Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Erwin smiles. "Saddle up."

You follow Levi to his horse: a black stallion around twice his size. You glance around at the other scouts. Erwin had apparently told the other squad leaders that you were accompanying them on the expedition, but not why- so it was understandable that you were getting wary glances. You fiddle with your harness. There's too many straps and things to tighten, and it's not even a Survey Corps harness- those look so much more complicated.

"Damn it," you curse, nearly cutting off the circulation in one arm as you tighten it.

"Useless," Levi comments, guiding his horse out into the formation.

You scowl, trailing after him. "I've never done this," you protest, readjusting one of the straps.

Levi groans in impatience and grabs your shoulder, then seizes your straps. "Let go," he orders, and you do. Levi makes quick work of your harness, and the proximity between the two of you sets you on edge. You try to keep track of everything he's doing so that you can do it next time. "Done," he say dully, turning away. Swallowing your nerves, you watch Levi hop up onto his horse easily and take his hand when he offers it.

You slide up behind him, and after a long internal debate, settle on wrapping your arms around his waist. "Got everything?" he asks, his eyes trained forwards.

The guns with the grappling hooks feel heavy on your waist. "Yep," you murmur.

He throws something over his shoulder, and you're hit in the face by a green cloak. "Wrong. You forgot this." It's the green Survey Corps cloak that Erwin had returned to you. It feels wrong to wear it, and Levi seems to sense your doubts because he adds, "stop worrying and put it on. We're leaving."

Hastily, you fasten up the cloak. It feels weird. You put your arms back around Levi, trying to ignore the weird intimacy between you and someone that seems to hate your guts.

Levi guides the horse in with the rest of the scouts until everyone is positioned in front of the wall- Wall Rose. It's so much taller up close, and you involuntarily tighten your grip around Levi. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. You have no idea what's out there.

"No getting cold feet now," Levi says.

You scowl. "I'm fine."

The gates open, and the horses begin to run. You squeeze your eyes shut, letting your head fill with the sound of horse hooves pounding the ground around you. You count up to ten, then open your eyes.

It's so bright. It feels like you're seeing a whole new side of the sun. The fresh outdoor air from inside the walls suddenly doesn't compare to the outside. The air is crisp, and when you inhale it's like a shock to your lungs. Your grip on Levi loosens as you lean backwards slightly, tipping your head up to the sky. The sky seems so endless, and without the walls in the way, it feels like the landscape stretches on forever.

You lean sideways slightly, looking at the horses in front of Levi. There's trees in the distance, and some smaller buildings and broken structures. It's gorgeous.

"Wow," you breath, looking back up to the sky. There's only a few clouds in the sky, and the sun feels like it's warming your skin. You let go of Levi, squeezing your thighs tighter around the horse so you don't fall off, and you spread your arms out, the wind ruffling your cloak. You laugh. "This is great," you say with another laugh, leaning backwards.

Unbeknownst to you, Levi is smirking, but he banishes it before you can see. "You did this the first time," he says.

You pull yourself forwards again, putting your arms back around Levi's waist. "What?"

"The first time we made it outside of the walls."

You smile softly to yourself. You're sure that things are going to get ugly quite shortly, but you'll enjoy being outside for the time being.

You think about what Levi said. First time outside the walls. Whoever that woman was, you'd love to meet her. She sounds... free.

The horses ride on.