You'd never had a memory come to you in a dream before.

You wish it hadn't been this one.

.

Sairam had always been friendly. Despite the four of you coming to the scouts with no official training or friends other than yourselves, he'd introduced himself to you. He'd been kind. It had made the corps feel more likeable.

And now he was in a titan's mouth.

They came out of nowhere, surrounding the five of you through the thick veil of smoke. It was supposed to be smooth sailing. Levi was out hunting Erwin, but it was Levi- he'd be fine. Squad leader Flagon was going to lead you back to the main group: you, Sairam, Farlan, and Isabel. You were all going to be okay.

Then, through the fog, a titan's hand swooped down and grabbed Sairam off his horse. As he was lifted up, the fog seemed to separate, showing two more titans behind him. "Sairam!" Flagon howled, steering his horse towards him. "Don't move! I'm coming to get you!"

You're already moving to jump off your horse. "I got him!" you shout.

"Don't!" Farlan yells.

It's too late for Sairam anyways. The titan's jaw clamps shut and there's a spray of blood. There's something about seeing your comrade being swallowed so close that hits your brain differently- that had almost been Isabel.

"Sairam!" Flagon cries.

"Forget him, you idiot!" Farlan shouts. "There's no way we can take on five of them in this rain!"

You can't even call him heartless. He's right, of course- Sairam's dead and there's nothing you can do about it. Wait, five? Did he say five? You squint at the fog and nearly lose your balance. There's two more small ones coming out from behind the two larger ones and the one that ate Sairam.

Farlan: always the smart one. "We have to scatter-" he starts.

The titan in front of you comes out of nowhere. You cry out in surprise and jerk your horse sideways, and it manages to veer out of the way. Isabel manages to stop her horse in time too; you see her peel off in the same direction as you. Farlan isn't so lucky. His horse tumbles to the ground with him still riding it, trapping his leg under it.

"Farlan!" you cry, turning your horse back towards him.

"I got the titan!" Isabel cries fiercely, and she shoots through the air above your head. "Get Farlan!"

Without hesitation, you vault off of your horse and dash over to Farlan, your boots slipping in the mud. "What are you doing?" he snaps as you bend down next to him. "Get out of here!"

"Not without you!" you snap back, looping your arms under his shoulders and pulling.

Above you, Isabel howls and slices through the fingers of the titan that knocked over Farlan's horse. You give Farlan another hard tug and he yells. After a third hard pull, you finally manage to wrestle him free.

"Isabel," Farlan croaks, and you look back up as Isabel misses her slice- hitting shoulder instead of nape- and swoops around to the back.

And then she slips. And she falls limply into the titan's back.

"Isabel!" you cry out, and since Farlan isn't momentarily in danger, you let go of him and shoot your hooks into the side of the titan's neck. It's not focused on you- it's starting to stand up, trying to reach for Isabel on its back- and you fly up to its neck, hands shaking. Your blades slice through the back of its neck in one clean shot. First kill.

As you free fall, you spin in midair to check on Isabel, and the world seems to stop.

You worried about the wrong titan.

The giant blond one launches itself at the back of the titan you just killed, where Isabel is hanging. She locks eyes with you, and for the first time since you've met her, she looks scared. Her lips form a name you can't make out.

You shoot your hooks at the second titan, but you're too late. Isabel is crushed into the back of the titan in a spray of blood.

"No!" you shriek, and in one swift movement, you slice through the back of the titan's neck, spraying yourself with both its and Isabel's blood. The momentum that propelled you towards it sends you hurtling past the now-dead titan and into the ground.

You land on your left foot, and you can hear an audible cracking sound. Fire shoots up your leg. You try to spin around, foolishly looking for Isabel- god, you're covered in her blood.

"Hey!" Farlan cries out, waving at you. "Over here!"

You try to stand, but your foot collapses underneath you. You're sure that adrenaline is keeping most of the pain at bay. Farlan jogs over to you instead. "My foot," you gasp, refusing to look down and see how bad it is. "Think I broke it." You're also missing the blade you used- it must've got thrown away when you fell. You've got one left.

"My gear's not working," he confesses, and your heart drops in your chest. "Broke when I fell."

You both stare at each other. Is this it? Is this how you die?

Farlan shakes his head, glancing up. There's a small, five meter titan lumbering towards you. "We're not giving up yet," he says firmly, drawing his sword. "Levi's still out there somewhere."

Levi. Something burns in your chest. "I don't need my feet to fly," you mutter, balancing yourself on one foot.

Luckily, neither of you have to do anything. Someone shoots up and slices through the back of the titan's neck, causing it to fall to the muddy ground. To your surprise, Flagon appears from the fog. "How could I abandon my squad?" he shouts, waving a blade at them. "Find horses and get out of here!"

"Behind you!" Farlan cries, but it's too late. A large hand sweeps out and grabs your squad leader with a sickening crunch.

"Flagon!" you shout, and you get ready to shoot forward but your foot slips. You drop to your knees in the mud, the pain in your ankle and foot starting to catch up to you. "No, shit," you croak, looking up, but it's too late. Flagon's head disappears into the titan's mouth. "No-"

Farlan helps you up, his hands pulling at your arms and steadying you. "We fight to the end, right?" he says with a weak smile.

You're torn between wanting to give him a hug and calling it quits now or giving these fuckers a fight before you go down. Isabel's face is still fresh in your mind and it makes you want to cry. No, you've got to fight. For her sake, and for Farlan, who's ready to stand up to the titans despite having ODM gear that doesn't work.

Levi. Farlan said he'd come back- you have to believe that.

"We fight to the end," you echo, balancing on one foot.

The timing of it is so ironic that you're not sure whether to laugh or cry when the titan hand shoots out of the fog beside you and grabs you. Farlan cries out and slices at the titan's fingers, but the hand pulls away at the last second and he misses. The titan you two were looking at before grabs Farlan while he's distracted.

Farlan's face fills with panic, then acceptance. It's the end of the line for both of you.

You lock eyes with him as each of you are lifted up into the air. Your arms are pinned by your sides, your blade is trapped; there's nothing you can do. You manage a wry smile at Farlan. "I love you!" you yell over the rain, because it's the truth and you'd like your last words to be something hopeful. You haven't known him for very long- two years- but he's the closest thing to a brother you've ever had.

He smiles. "I love you too!" Farlan calls.

Tears fighting at your eyes, you squeeze them shut. You try not to think of Isabel, so scared in her final moments. You think of Farlan and his smile. That'll be the last thing you see before you die. Yes, that sounds good.

It feels like you just keep rising. How big is this titan? Is it going to stuff your head in its mouth like Flagon, or are you going to be dropped feet first?

You were going to have Farlan smiling as the last thing you see, but your curiosity gets the best of you. You open your eyes. You're still in the titan's hand, but you're being held up over its head. It's smiling up at you, wide dark eyes boring into your soul. Ah. So it's going to drop you into its mouth, then.

The fog is so thick around you that you can't even see the ground anymore. Or maybe it's the blurriness in your eyes. For some reason, you think of Levi. You hope he doesn't blame himself for this- it's not his fault. There's so many things you wish you could've said to him.

You glare down at the titan. "Fuck you," you tell it. So much for 'I love you' being your last words.

Its grip loosens. Time slows down.

Then, there's a flash. Some sort of blur. The titan's expression doesn't change, but somehow you've started to fall? It hasn't let go of you, and your arms are still pinned in its hand. As you tip over, you finally get a good look at what happened: the titan's hand has been severed from its wrist.

Levi.

You can't see him, but you know in your gut that it was him- maybe he's saving Farlan. The titan's hand cushions your fall, barely. It strikes the ground and sends mud spraying up around you. The wind is knocked out of you and it feels like you can't breathe.

The whiplash sends your neck snapping forward. You try to twist your head to the side, but you're too slow.

Your head smacks into a rock. Pain shoots through your eye,

and then there's nothing.

.

You wake up with tears in your eyes.

That was no dream. That was definitely a memory.

Judging by the darkness outside, it's still not morning yet- so theoretically, you could sleep for a few more hours. It feels like your brain is foggy, but their faces are clear.

"Isabel," you murmur, tucking your knees up to your chest. "Farlan."

They died. They were out with you on a mission, they were your friends, and they died. Yet you're here. You lived. They deserve to be remembered, at the very least. Levi's only mentioned them in passing, but if what Erwin had told you is true and you all came up from the underground together, Levi must've been close with the two of them.

And out of the three of you, you were the one that lived. The one he could barely tolerate.

"Shit," you whisper, a weak laugh bubbling up in your throat. "Oh, shit."

No wonder he resents you.

Despite the nightmarish memory still gnawing at your brain, somehow, you manage to fall back asleep.