It took another three hours of aimless drifting and stupid questions (including but not limited to 'do you poop? ' and 'have you ever fought a bear? ') but I now understand why everyone on the goddamn crew is always hitting Luffy. He just makes it so

easy

.

Anyways. The three of us are just sitting in our dumb little boat, existing. 'Don 't you find it a little stupid that the future King of the Pirates and his First Mate don 't have a single navigational skill between them? ' Zoro questions with a groan, rubbing a hand across his face.

'Watch it buddy, I never even wanted to sail! I 'm here by coincidence and happenstance, ' I say wagging my finger at him.

Luffy just shrugs. 'I just kinda drift around ' weren 't you some kinda famous bounty hunter? '

Zoro rolls his eyes. 'I never called myself a bounty hunter. '

I pump my fist in the air. 'Called it! ' Hey man, I 'm allowed to abuse my future knowledge to seem smart. Literally who 's gonna stop me?

He shoots a glare at me. 'Anyways! I only set out to find a certain man, then I couldn 't get back to my village. By that point collecting bounties was my best bet at survival. '

Luffy just blinks that wide-eyed cat-like stare. 'Oh, so you 're lost. '

Zoro jolts forward, teeth bared. 'Don 't say it like that! '

Me and Luffy both burst into laughter as I lean across the boat to give him a high five. 'Zoro I will bet every berri on me that you tried to go back for something five minutes later and just

couldn 't. '

'Hah! ' his face turns smug as he holds out his hand, 'pay up, it actually took

fifteen

minutes for me to try and go back! '

I stare at his hand for a second before slapping it in a mockery of the high five I gave Luffy. 'Sorry sweet cheeks, I have precisely zero berri to my name. '

I think Zoro 's squawking is one of my new favourite sounds. Then he 's lunging across the boat to tackle me to the ground, so I latch onto and pull Luffy down with me with a strangled yelp.

'You people fucking

suck. '

The three of us are lying on the deck staring up at the sky, and a pink bird drifts into view. 'Oh hey, bird. That means land 's nearby. ' I think. That 's how seabirds work right?

Luffy springs up beside me. 'Finally! I 'm super hungry! '

'Wait a second ' ' I think about grabbing onto Luffy and maybe hitching a ride to Orange Town like that, but eeeeh. So I let Luffy latch onto the bird's face with his stretchy arms, then get his head chomped down on.

'AH! ED, ZORO SAVE ME! ' comes the muffled screaming as Zoro jumps to his feet.

'Ah shit! Captain! ' He turns to me with that confused/horrified look I 'm honestly getting attached to. 'Why 'd you let him do

that?! '

I just shrug. 'Fools gonna be fools? ' Then I register that the bird is very quickly flying away from our dinghy. 'SHIT ZORO GET THE PADDLES! ' I whip my head around and almost get smacked in the face by a flying oar.

'Already ahead of you, idiot! Now fucking ROW! ' he demands. I sit my ass down and do just that. I pump my arms like I 'm back in the ocean actively drowning.

Now seems like a good time to explain the physics of rowing. When equal pressure is applied on both sides of a vessel, it moves forward at accelerated speeds. When more pressure is applied on one side but not the other, the vessel will begin to turn.

You get one guess as to what happens when we start rowing. Here 's a hint; Zoro is a whole lot better and faster at it than I am. 'WHY THE FUCK ARE WE TURNING? I CANNOT BE GETTING US LOST

THAT

FAST! '

'ZORO I WAS CURSED WITH NOODLE ARMS THIS ISN 'T GOING TO WORK! ' I scream.

He doesn 't even grace me with a coherent response, he just starts yelling and snatches the other paddle from my hands. That knocks me right on my ass onto the floor.

With only Zoro propelling us we start flying through the water after the stupid pink bird and our stupid rubber Captain, stretched limbs still flapping in the wind and screaming getting fainter.

We very quickly come up on three weirdos flailing in the water calling, 'hey, you there! Help us! Man overboard! '

Zoro just shouts back, 'I 'm not stopping! If you want on, do it yourself! ' I 'm still just sat in the bottom of the boat where I fell off the bench.

They do, jump in that is. In a frankly impressive show of acrobatics and upper body strength, with finesse that implies this definitely has happened before, they clamber onto our now very cramped dinghy.

'Thank you, ' one huffs, before he whips a knife out of fucking nowhere and points it directly at my face, 'but in the name of Buggy the Clown we 're taking over this boat now! ' I just slump down further into the boat as Zoro's face hardens into a glare.

Three swift knocks to the skull later, we have three idiots rowing us after our Captain. There is so little room in the dinghy now that I 'm basically sprawled between Zoro's legs where he 's sat at the back.

'I 'm sorry, we had no idea you were the famous Pirate Hunter Zoro! Please forgive us! ' the guy with the knife simpers.

Zoro just glowers at him. 'Thanks to you three idiots we lost sight of our Captain. So. Just. Keep. Paddling. '

The weirdos have a quiet conversation amongst themselves that Zoro interrupts to ask, 'so who 's this Buggy guy? '

They all adopt this scandalized expression and shout, 'you 've never heard of Buggy the Clown?! '

It 's almost scary how they can speak in unison like that ' Zoro gives an uncaring shrug. 'Nope. '

The guy on the left clenches his fist dramatically. 'Our Captain 's ruthless! He 's eaten a Devil Fruit, so he 's truly unique! '

'Uh huh. Cute, now keep rowing, ' I glare at the three stooges.

One of them cries out, 'do you just not care?! '

I roll my eyes. 'No bitch! I know

exactly

who Buggy the Clown is, that 's why I don 't give a singular shit. ' That stuns the three pirates into silence.

'Keep fucking rowing! ' Zoro snaps.

'Yes sir! ' the idiots yelp, immediately snapping back into frantic rowing.

I turn my glare back at Zoro as I slump into his legs. 'Why do they only listen to you? '

He just smirks down at me. 'Because I 'm intimidating. '

' ' ' '

We pull into the harbour at Orange Town approximately 40 minutes later, the three Buggy pirates we essentially kidnapped and put through forced labour huffing and puffing on the ground behind us.

'Guess we better find this Buggy guy, ask about the Captain, ' Zoro muses.

'Knowing our luck, that idiot is probably already fighting him, ' I respond, just in time for a loud boom and huge plume of smoke to blow upward across town.

We both make silent eye contact and sigh. 'There he is. '

We both start to jog the direction of the origin of the explosion. 'You think he 's winning? ' Zoro asks.

I scoff. 'Bet you he 's stuck in a cage right now, or something equally stupid. '

Zoro shoots me an incredulous look. 'A cage? No way. I 'll take that bet, since you have no money I 'll start you a tab. ' That smug look on his face ' I 'm going to crush it.

This seems like a totally responsible way to use my other worldly knowledge. Scamming Zoro seems like the only appropriate way to jumpstart my funds. 'How 's 1,000 berri sound? '

If I 'm going by real world standards, berri and yen seem to have the same value. So by that logic 1,000 berri would roughly equate to $10 CAD. Probably.

Zoro scoffs. 'Sounds great, as soon as you come into some money you 'll be spending it on drinks for me. ' I just stick out my tongue, smirk and pick up my pace.

Eventually the circus tent and pirate gathering comes into view, which we only see from the rooftop of a building Zoro

somehow

managed to lead us to.

'Seems the party got started without us, ' Zoro huffs, charging ahead of me and leaping across other roofs.

'How the fuck did we even get up here? '

I can see the concrete cage Luffy is trapped in, as well as Nami hunched over the cannon's fuse. 'Behind you! ' Luffy yells, right in time for Zoro to jump in between the pirates and Nami and stop their blows with two of his swords.

He smirks at them, eyes hooded by his bandana. 'How many of you have to attack one girl at the same time? '

'Zoro! ' Luffy cheers while I finally make it over to the roof, saddling right up to the cage.

Zoro looks over the scene incredulously. 'The hell you doing Captain? First a bird and now cannons? '

I cough from beside Luffy, who immediately cheers, 'Ed! '

Then I knock on the top of Luffy 's cage 'Would you look at that? Our Captain, in a

cage.

Sure hope you 've got that 1,000 berri, I 'd hate to start you a tab. '

Zoro just gives an irritated huff. 'Ed! What 're you talking about? Get me outta here now! ' Luffy whines through the bars he 's gnawing on.

'Luf, you goddamn idiot, you got kidnapped by a

bird.

I thought the first sucker to try it would at least have to convince you to do it yourself! ' I reach through the bars to pull Luffy's ear.

'But Eeeeed, I was sooooo hungry ' ' he groans, blinking up at me imploringly.

'So you 're Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter, ' a new voice announces. Coming up behind Zoro I can see the horrendously dressed form of Buggy the Clown. Now honestly, there 's no way to sugar coat it. I 'll be totally transparent, I 'm a huge fan of Buggy.

At least

fanon

Buggy. The

competent

Buggy. And I will pray that this Buggy isn 't just a blithering fool, but I 'm not going to hold my breath for it.

'You must be here for my head then! ' he declares, foot up on a box in a dramatic pose.

Zoro scoffs. 'Not interested. I 'm not a pirate hunter anymore. I 'm just those idiot's crewmate, nothing more nothing less. '

I place my hand over my heart and bat my eyes. 'Aw Zoro you don 't have to get all sentimental on us now! '

His grumbling is drowned out by Buggy 's sneering. 'I 'm interested though! Killing you would bolster my reputation. '

Zoro just rolls his shoulders and shrugs. 'Your funeral. '

It barely takes a second for Zoro to lunge at Buggy and chop him into pieces.

'Damn, that was easy, ' he almost sounds disappointed. The gasps of the Buggy pirates are quick to turn into snickers as Luffy asks again to be let out of the cage.

'That didn 't actually kill him, ' I announce, much to the shock of the pirates surrounding us. 'His Devil Fruit doesn't let him get cut. ' Then I pull out my pistol and

attempt,

and I do mean attempt because I miss wildly, to shoot the hand Buggy has poised to stab Zoro.

Three bullets left. So much for conserving them.

Though the bullet misses by a fucking mile it still shocks the clown enough that he drops the knife. His body springs up from the floor, completely unharmed, face white and screaming. 'HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW THAT?! '

My best response is to blow him a dramatic kiss and say, 'didn 't you know Buggy darling, you 're famous! ' Which I follow by whispering to Nami and Luffy, 'Famously bad at being a small-time pirate. ' They both start giggling.

Buggy shows his prowess as a performer with his quick recovery, barely missing a beat before he puffs out his chest and surreptitiously wipes the sweat from his brow with a cocky grin. 'That 's right! The Chop Chop Fruit, that 's the name of the Devil Fruit I ate! Now I 'm a Chop Chop man who can 't be cut! '

Nami 's nose scrunches up in distaste beside me. 'His body detached itself? I thought Devil Fruits were a myth ' '

'Chop Chop man?! You mean he 's a monster?! ' Luffy gasps.

I kick his cage in response. 'Pot calling the kettle black ' '

'Well if swords aren 't gonna work I 'm fresh out of ideas, ' Zoro sighs.

'Guess you really are a one trick pony, ' I mumble.

'I wanna fight the big nose guy! ' Luffy yells.

'

The ensuing silence is very loud.

' 'Fuck, ' Nami groans quietly.

'Who 's ' got a big nose?! ' Buggy screams, whipping around to throw a knife directly at Luffy through the bars. Nami and Zoro both gasp and I jerk back from the cage.

'Buggy! ' Luffy yells through the knife he

somehow

caught in his teeth, 'I 'm gonna kick your ass! '

Buggy just starts hysterically laughing. 'You? Kick my

ass? How about I just kill the four of you right here! '

'We 're fucked, ' Nami mutters while looking around anxiously at the chuckling Buggy pirates.

Luffy 's obnoxious laugh cuts right through it. 'I refuse to die! Zoro, Ed, run! '

'What? They came to save you! What 're you going to do? ' Nami yells back at him.

'What? ' Zoro asks incredulously. Luffy just keeps smiling. Zoro stares for a second before smirking. 'Understood. '

'Impudent fools! As if I 'd let you escape! ' Buggy shrieks as he attacks Zoro in a flurry of blades. Zoro bisects him and we make eye contact between the billows of his cape. Zoro dives right between his separated halves and makes a dash for the cannon the same time I do.

'Fool! Your three sword style has ' hey listen when I 'm talking to you! ' Buggy turns around just in time for a view of me and Zoro flipping the cannon.

'Lift with your legs, lift with your legs, ' I mumble under my breath, Zoro just shoots me an amused look.

'Shit! The cannon is pointed at us! ' Buggy screeches.

'Light the damn thing! ' Zoro grits out. Nami rushes to do just that.

'Wait wait WAIT ' '

The ensuing explosion is large and exceedingly satisfying.

' ' ' '

Between me and Zoro, hauling Luffy around in a big concrete cage is not exactly what I would call pleasant, but it is manageable. 'Who the hell are these people? ' I hear Nami mumble to herself.

'Luffy, who 's this girl? ' Zoro asks, completely unwinded despite the sweat breaking out on my everything. Little shit.

'Oh! She 's our new navigator! ' he cheers, seemingly enjoying his elevated carrier cage ride.

'Seriously, who are you guys? ' Nami asks again.

'Can you move? You 're in the way, ' Zoro says instead. I just shrug helplessly at her as we keep moving with our packaged Captain.

We leave Nami behind and get a solid few blocks away before I stop, letting my half of the cage slam into the ground. Luffy yelps as he smacks into the bars. 'Ok, I 'm not athletic enough to keep this shit up. '

'You act like you 've never had to run for your life with cargo before, ' Zoro observes.

I shoot him an unimpressed look from where I 'm hunched over the cage. 'No shit, not all of us make stupid decisions to get into those situations! '

I cough a little and Luffy peeks up at me through the bars. 'Do you need water Ed? Zoro! Go get us water! ' he demands.

Zoro just blinks. 'They can get it themselves. '

'But your legs are longer, c 'mon Zoro I saved your life earlier! ' I whine back, laying down on top of the cage and kicking my feet.

'For fucks ' fine! ' He then goes stalking off down the street. Then I realize that we just sent off Zoro without a guide. Fuck, won 't be seeing him for a few hours, if ever again.

'That 's probably going to bite us in the ass, ' I mention to Luffy, who just hums.

'Hey, a dog, ' he announces, pointing through the bars at the fucking dog right beside us I failed to notice.

I blink. 'Oh, a dog. '

'It 's not moving, is it dead? ' Luffy, like every five year old ever, immediately tries to poke the dog. And gets his face attacked for his stupidity. He starts screaming and trying to retreat further into the cage.

'Don 't fucking provoke the dog! ' I yell at him, doing absolutely nothing to help because he deserves this one.

'I leave you guys alone for a few minutes and this is what you get up to? ' I hear Nami's voice question behind us. 'One being lazy, one missing, and one being beat up by a dog? '

'Hey, our navigator! ' Luffy cheers, seemingly forgetting the dog still chewing on his arm.

'Says who?! ' she yells back, looking like she wants to join the dog in his attack. What 's its name again? Shushu or something? 'I just came to repay my debt to you, for saving me back there. ' She tosses us the key, which I guess she stole at some point.

'You got the key! ' we exclaim at the same time.

She scoffs. 'Yeah, it was kinda stupid. Because of it it couldn 't steal any treasure ' '

I offer her a small smile. 'Thanks, Nami. '

I reach for the key, but the dog apparently has some ninja background skills I didn 't know about, because he chomps down on it seconds before I can grab it. He just gulps the fucker down.

There 's a moment of silence as I debate the moral ramifications of trying to cut a dog open with my penknife, but Luffy saves me the trouble by reaching through the bars to choke the dog out.

'THAT'S NOT FOOD YOU DUMB DOG SPIT IT OUT ' '

Wow he 's getting violent, do they have a PETA in this world I should call? That poor rat bitches stomach '

'Hey! Leave Chouchou alone! ' someone comes screaming down the road. A man I assume is the mayor, suited up in armour and looking ready to evaporate Luffy cage and all, storms up to us.

Ah, that 's what its name was. 'Who 're you? ' Nami asks.

The man scoffs, 'I 'm the mayor of this town! Who 're you?! ' Then he seems to pause for a second, taking in the cage and my winded form. He heaves a heavy sigh. 'You must have met Buggy then. '

'Yup, he sucks, '

'Yeah, what a dick, '

Me and Luffy answer simultaneously. He just nods empathically.

'So this dog's name is Chouchou? ' Nami asks, patting said dog's head.

'Why 's he just sitting here? ' Luffy asks, arms tucked in and giving Chouchou a wary stare.

I climb back onto the cage and fold my legs up to sit criss-cross applesauce, heedless of Luffy's quiet complaint of, 'I 'm not a chair ' '

'He 's guarding this pet store, ' The mayor answers, pulling out a pipe and lighting it.

He then begins to weave a sad tale of a dog, his master, and undying loyalty.