Sneaking back into Kaya 's mansion is nothing short of a bitch. I spend like ten minutes just dicking around to find the block of hedge Usopp uses to get in and out, and when I finally find it my fucking hair gets caught in the branches.

I am also very bad at climbing trees. So that takes me a while. It 's funny since I actually have pretty damn good balance when I 'm not tripping all over myself, nature just hates me.

It 's well past dusk as I toss a pebble I snatched from the ground at Kaya 's window frame, not the glass because I 'm not an idiot. She swings it open with a surprising amount of force for a sickly girl.

'Usopp, you ' ! 'You 're not Usopp? ' she stutters out, confused.

I 'm just clinging to my branch like the whole tree will come down if I shift wrong. 'Hey, hi. It 's me again. Quick ask, how long until the assman comes to check on you again? ' She makes a shocked snort then immediately covers her mouth in embarrassment. 'No, please laugh. I 'm funny on purpose, ' I grin at her. She lets out another giggle. 'Really though, when 's clod-hadore coming by next? '

She hesitates for a second. 'Shouldn 't be for quite a few hours ' why? ' I immediately scramble across the branch with all the grace of a newborn fawn, only

almost

falling out of the tree as I tumble into Kaya 's room.

'I forgot how bad I was at that! ' I huff, rolling off her bed and dusting myself off. I turn to the bewildered girl with a smile. 'I don 't believe we 've been properly introduced, Miss Kaya! I 'm E. D. Domino, please just call me Ed. '

'Ah, yes, I remember you from earlier. Please just call me Kaya! ' she shyly smiles. 'Can I ask ' why are you here? '

My face drops into a grimace and her smile dims. 'Yeah ' you might wanna sit down. '

She tentatively does take a seat on her bed, wringing her hands and nibbling on her lip. 'Honey, you aren 't gonna like this, or want to hear it but ' ' I struggle to find the words.

' 'But? ' she prompts.

I bite the bullet and blurt it out. 'So Klahadore is definitely not who you think he is, and absolutely wants to kill you. '

That shocks her into an upright position so fast I swear I hear her spine protest. 'Excuse me?! Please don 't say such hurtful things ' '

'Kaya, that man 's real identity is Captain Kuro. The Man Of A Thousand Plans, and Captain of the Black Cat Pirates. He faked his death three years ago. I 'm preeetty sure he 's trying to steal your fortune. '

'Stop! Klahadore isn 't ' he isn 't like that! ' she denies, shaking her head and tightening her fists. Guess it 's gonna be the hard way. 'He 's been taking care of me for years, he would never ' '

'Never what? Lie to you? Hurt you? ' I press.

Her hands are white as the sheets she 's clenching. 'No! He 's a good man, he isn 't ' '

'Don 't be naive! ' I snap. If it 's a wake up call this girl needs, it 's a wake up call she 'll fucking get. 'Even if he wasn 't a pirate trying to steal your fortune, which he

is

, he 's still a lying asshole! ' I start pacing in circles, taking care to keep my distance from her bed so she won 't get more jumpy.

'Let me lay it out. He constantly interrupts you, undermines your authority, makes important decisions without you while telling you it 's what 's best, probably invokes the memory of your parents while doing it. Classic signs of a manipulative asshole! I should know, a fair few have tried to date me ' ' I trail off.

You 'd think after the first three guys I turned down they 'd get the memo, but nope. And it 's not even that I don 't like men! Because I do! Anyways.

'That 's ' how did you..? ' Her voice is uncertain and I can see on her face something in there got through. Now I just need to press the right angle.

'Is he constantly using the 'your parents asked me to take care of you so you have to listen to me ' card? '

Her face morphs into open shock before crumpling. 'But ' but ' this whole time ' He ' ! ' I can see tears building in her eyes and goddamn nothing makes the high of victory sting quite like a young lady crying.

I soften my face. 'Kaya, I 'm sorry. '

Her face pinches as she presses her hands to her face. 'Please don 't apologize ' I just feel so stupid! In retrospect it ' it 's quite obvious something was wrong ' ' She jumps up from her bed, only swaying a little on her feet. 'I want to ask him about this directly! '

I rush forward to balance her. 'Whoa whoa whoa, I 'm not sure that 's such a great idea? ' I really don 't want him to shank her ass ' not to mention he would probably kill me without a second thought.

'I need to. If what you say is true ' then he has a lot to answer for in regards to my parents. ' The fire in this girl's eyes is actually a little scary, so I hook an arm through hers and help her out the door and down the hall.

Her home is opulently decorated, this shit looks straight out of Ouran High School Host Club. I make sure to stick very close to Kaya so I don 't bump into any priceless vases. Also to keep her upright. That too.

'Christ, you are

rich, '

I mumble.

She sighs. 'I 've never really cared about the money, even with everything I own and could pay for, I couldn 't save my parents ' ' Shit I forgot she was like super depressed.

'Sometimes there 's just nothing you can do to help. Especially when it comes to parents. ' I try not to let bitterness infect my tone, but by the look on Kaya's face, I fail.

She hesitates for a second. 'Are they ' '

I shake my head. 'Oh they 're still kicking, last I checked. I just ruined their marriage. It happens. '

Her eyes widen and the hand she 's clutching onto my arm tightens. 'I 'm sure that isn 't ' '

She cuts herself off when we hear the low rumble of conversation in the room we 're outside of. We pause right next to the door.

I can faintly make out Merry 's voice with short clipped responses from Klahadore. And suddenly I 'm reminded that Merry gets fucking stabbed at some point in this part of the story. Shit.

I tuck Kaya behind me and pull my pistol out of my waistband. Even if I can 't shoot the damn thing for shit, having it as a threat is still worth the effort. I lean back and whisper to her, 'no matter what, stay behind me and do

not

draw attention to yourself. '

She gives me a meek nod. I try for a reassuring smile, but then we hear the crunch of glass and metal from inside, followed by Merry 's shout of shock. 'Klahadore, what are you doing to Miss Kaya 's present!? '

I press my ear to the door to listen better, Kaya following close behind. 'Oh I 'll be receiving a gift alright, but it won 't be glasses. It 'll be her entire estate! ' comes the shitstains acerbic response. 'Guess there 's no reason to carry on the act. In a few hours the village will be mourning an unforeseen tragedy ' ' I can hear the tell-tale clink of blades as Merry makes more noises of shock.

Merry 's shout of, 'Miss you have to run ' ! ' is drowned out as I push Kaya back from the door to wretch it open, pistol pointed straight ahead of me.

From the door I can see Merry 's cowering back and the dark shape of Klahadore lunging forward, claw-like blades poised for a devastating attack.

I don 't even think. I just pull the trigger.

Two bullets left.

In the split second it takes for my bullet to travel toward Klahadore, for once looking like it will actually hit its mark, I see his strike divert to block its path. 'The hell? ' he growls, following the origin of the strike to us.

'Evening, you cantankerous bitch, ' I intone, expression flat and gun still levelled at the human refuse.

'So it seems you really

did

have me figured out, ' he snarls, glare sharp and menacing. Merry starts scrambling back behind me as I step into the room.

'That detective title isn 't just for show, ' I smirk.

He looks past me to Kaya. 'I don 't suppose that conversation slipped past your ears, my lady? '

Kaya 's quiet shaking voice is crystal clear in the otherwise silent room. 'So it 's true? You really are a pirate Captain here for my fortune? '

Klahadore 's eyes flash. 'Wow, you really do know your stuff. I 'd congratulate you on a case well solved, but I 'm afraid you won 't be leaving this place alive. '

Man I really wanna shoot that smug look off his face ' When did I get so trigger happy?

Klahadore adjusts his glasses with an open palm. 'Truly, it 's a shame and a waste. This could have all gone so much smoother if it went according to plan. ' His face twists into a rotten smirk. 'Wonderful, then, that I always have a backup. '

Oh god it 's time for the witty villain back and forth. I don 't know if I have enough comebacks for this '

'I wouldn 't count us out yet. As you saw I 'm quite a good shot with this thing, ' lying out my ass will have to do, 'and in regards to your pathetic invasion attempt, we already have a capable team on the north shore ready to meet them. '

The smirk falls off his face, furious scowl taking its place. 'Ah. So you know about that as well. Are you sure your ' 'capable team ' is enough to take on my entire crew? '

I scoff. 'Yeah, your crew, which is probably a bunch of nobodies riding on your coattails? Please. Without you there to back them up, they 're useless. '

Scamming this asshole into thinking there 's a bigger fight is literally my only shot at getting out of this with the three of us still in one piece, pardon the pun.

His face pinches. 'Be that as it may ' '

I cut him off with another scoff. 'If you 're counting on that hypnotist idiot you 've already lost. I 've seen my Captain bite through knives. His chakrams may as well be

bagels. '

All of the colour flees Klahadore 's face. I see his body language shift, indicating his intent to make one last desperate attack before running.

I fire my pistol at him. I miss wildly.

One bullet left.

It is however enough to make him flinch back, one last resentful glare shot at me before he 's jumping out the window with a crash.

I wait two beats before deflating with a huge sigh. I turn around to see Merry holding onto Kaya, both of them cowering in the doorway. 'Well fuck, did

not

think that would get his ass to back off. '

Merry makes a strangled choking sound and Kaya hesitantly steps towards me. 'What ' what now? '

I sigh again, tucking my single shot pistol back into my waistband. 'I 'm gonna go to the north shore and make sure everything is going smoothly, honestly I was kinda bluffing about knowing if my crew 's there. Knowing my idiots they might have gone to the wrong shore ' '

I turn back to the pair. 'Kaya, stay with Merry. And try not to do anything too stupid, please? ' With nods from the two of them I start off down the hall to leave.

'Wait how the hell do I get out of here, this place is huge! '

' ' ' '

After a quick and stress-filled jog through Syrup Village, only getting lost

once

thank you very much, I make it to the north beach. I arrive to ' a sight.

There 's a pile of oil soaked pirates at the bottom of the slope, a slicked up slight bloody Zoro huffing over two cat themed weirdos, Luffy swinging Jango around by his ankles, and Nami and a bruised and bloody Usopp at the top of the hill looking bewildered.

'What the fuck did I miss? ' I announce, looking around confused.

Nami grins, pulling me into a brief side hug when I trot up to them. 'It 's been a really weird morning. We got here early, poured some oil down the hill and tricked the pirates, that hypnotist guy tricked Luffy so he 's letting out some frustration on him, it just keeps getting worse. '

'Why does Usopp look like he crawled out of a slasher film? ' I ask, licking my thumb and leaning around Nami to wipe some of the blood off his face.

He doesn 't move away and his nose scrunches. 'I fought some guys. Poorly. '

Did I just do the mom thing? When kids have shit on their face?? To Usopp???

Damn dying really changed me.

Nami makes a disagreeing sound. 'You didn 't do

that

bad, it was actually pretty brave ' '

Usopp 's face goes bright red under my palm. 'That's why they call me 'Usopp The Brave '! '

I pat his cheek and take my hand back. 'Right. Anything else? '

Nami sounds a long suffering groan. 'Ed, I'm so thankful for you telling us the pirates would be coming from this shore. Even so, it was only me, Luffy and Usopp for the first half of the fight! '

Usopp pipes up from Nami 's other side, 'Zoro was late because he got lost and went to the wrong hill. '

'Shut up! ' said lunatic growls as he stomps over to us, wiping excess oil off his ' everything.

'Why are you so ' shiny? ' I inquire. He mumbles something I can 't quite make out. 'What was that? '

'I slipped and fell! ' he snaps.

I blink at him. 'How many times? Twenty? ' His wonderful squawking noises make a triumphant return.

Then Jango comes slamming into the cliff face near us as Luffy tosses him. 'Woohoo! Ed! Ed! Did you see?! ' he hollers.

I send him an enthusiastic thumbs up. 'Great job, baby! Keep it up! '

Nami rolls her eyes and turns back to me. 'Where have you been this whole time? '

I groan, rubbing a hand down my face. 'Fuuuuuck, I have had such a ' ok. I have never been to this island before. That was the first time I had been in that girl's house. I felt like

Zoro

up in this bitch, with how much I was getting lost! '

Zoro makes an offended noise that 's drowned out by Nami and Usopp 's laughter. 'Anyways, I convinced Kaya shit was up, stopped Merry from getting fucking murdered by the assman, then came here. '

'Murdered? '

'Assman? '

'Speaking of the assman, where the hell is he? He ran off before I left, so how did I get here first? ' I ask, looking around for the fucker.

'Simple. I was in no rush, ' the fucker in question 's voice replies from behind me. I squeak and scramble away from that before turning around. Klahadore is stood tall, one clawed hand poised and pushing up his glasses.

'However, it has been quite a while since dawn, ' he glares down at his subordinates, 'so I have to ask ' WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! ' And now he 's screaming. Wonderful. It 's way too damn early for his shit.

'B ' but sir, you said letting the kid go wouldn 't cause any problems..? ' Jango stutters out from where he 's half embedded in the wall, legs twitching.

Klahadore scoffs. 'Yes, I did say that. What 's your point? He 's an idiot who I knew no one would believe. '

He shifts his glare to me. 'The real problem was this one. Somehow, after only being on the island for

less than 24 hours

and meeting the both of us

once,

they figured the whole thing out. ' The glare swivels back to Jango, who 's finally pulled himself from the wall. 'Even then, I hadn 't accounted for you guy 's inexcusable weakness! '

Jango fumbles for a response, but it actually comes from the downed cat guys. 'You 're calling us weak?! '

The two of them start ranting and raving as Klahadore or whatever he wants to be called stares on impassively. 'Your point? '

'You 've done nothing these past three years! There's no way you could beat the Meowban Brothers now! '

With that the pair of them, scratched and bruised and bloody from fighting Zoro, shoot past the lot of us to charge right at Klahadore. Jango makes an exclamation of shock as Klahadore literally disappears for a second, reappearing behind them, then disappears again.

'Pussyfoot Maneuver! ' Jango cries in terror. I can 't hold in my snort. Jango whips his head around to me, eyebrows flying high over his cracked sunglasses. 'You dare make fun of our Captain's terrifying technique?! '

I raise a disbelieving eyebrow. 'I do when it sounds

that

stupid! '

Oh right, I remember this shit now. It 's a bastardized, off-brand, shittier version of Shave, one of the Six Powers CP9 used ' how the hell did this Warrior Cats reject learn it?

'After three years it seems I've become quite generous, ' he announces, appearing between the cat guys, a blade at each of their throats. 'I give you five minutes. If you can 't settle this in five minutes ' I 'll kill all of you myself! '

There's cries of shock and fear from his crew, and I note with just a little bit of pity none of them seem surprised he would take this course of action. The Meowban Brothers, bruised and shaking (whether from their injuries or plain ol ' fear), turn back to the group of us.

Zoro steps out from the congregation to stand alone, swords drawn, to face them. With a show of power that is frankly overkill for how much he's already demolished these suckers, Zoro downs the brothers with one single move.

'I won 't need five minutes. ' For how much he claims to be indifferent, he sure has a dramatic streak in him. If I had any more of a death wish I 'd call him a theatre kid to his face.

This display seems to shock Jango into action. He whips out his chakrams once again, yelling to his crew in a hoarse voice, 'I 'll get the straw hatted kid, you all take down the swordsman! ' His strategy has really devolved to throwing fodder at him, huh?

'Klahadore! Stop it! ' comes a scream from atop the hill. Stood proud at the apex is Kaya, Merry standing nervously behind her.

'Kaya? What are you doing here?! ' Usopp questions.

'Kaya, what did I say when I left?! ' I yell incredulously at her.

It's a testament to her iron guts that she barely flinches at that. 'You said to stay with Merry, and I did! ' she gestures to the shaking man behind her.

I smack my hand into my forehead. 'I also said not to do anything stupid! '

She just laughs. 'You said 'not anything

too

stupid '! I believe this is just the right amount! ' her smile dissolves into a furious glare as she switches her gaze to her former butler. 'Klahadore. What you're doing and what you've taken from me ' isn 't worth the money! If you want it so bad you can have it! Just leave the village! '

Both me and Usopp make squawking sounds.

'Kaya?! '

'Don 't give this asshat what he wants?! '

Klahadore finally turns to face her. 'You 're wrong my lady. It 's not only the money I 'm after. I want peace of mind. ' He gets this creepy smile on his face. 'Only when I 've gotten peace and money will my plans be complete ' that 's why the attack and your death are essential. '

Kaya 's face goes slack. Usopp starts yelling from beside me, 'Kaya, run! It 's no use negotiating with this guy! '

Kaya 's expression turns stone cold as she pulls a pistol out of her jacket and levels it with both hands at Klahadore. 'LEAVE THIS VILLAGE! ' The authority in her voice, which is so different from the soft tone we heard earlier, is entirely dumbfounding to Usopp, who takes a deep breath beside me.

Klahadore lets out a soft chuckle. 'You really have gotten stronger these past few years ' '

I cut him off before he can begin his rant. 'Ok, shut up now. Kaya, your kindness isn 't a weakness. But if you can 't pull that trigger, put the gun down. '

Tears start to drip down her hard face as her hands shake and tighten. 'I ' I ' ' For a second I think she might just shoot the man, but then she makes this frustrated noise and drops the gun.

I soften my eyes for her. 'That 's fine. ' I draw and point my own pistol at Klahadore. 'You should know, I only have one bullet left. And I intend to use it, ' I spare a fond look for my Captain, who while I was distracted once again put Jango in the dirt (after stabbing Nami, how did I miss that?), 'after all, guns are for actions, not threats. '

Luffy 's laughter is loud among the chatter of the pirates. The glare Klahadore is sending at me could peel paint. 'They call you the Man of a Thousand Plans, too bad I only need one. '

And I fire.

I miss.

Zero bullets left.