They were drinking tea in Jinshi’s room when she brought it up. They were married two years ago, and things had grown pleasantly comfortable. Jinshi was more or less the imperial fixer now, and Maomao was his partner in those endeavors. There was something that she wanted to change however.

“Jinshi,” She began, using the same old name even though she could use his real one now. To be perfectly honestly she didn’t like how long and complicated it was. Jinshi was easier. “I think I’d like for us to have a baby.”

He spat his tea out and started to cough. She sighed when she looked at the mess it made, but at least he hadn’t dropped the cup. She didn’t feel like cleaning up broken ceramic. She got up, and used a tea towel to start cleaning the floor. She would give him a moment to collect his thoughts, more than used to his little brain stops by now. If he heard something he wasn’t expecting it was like he had to go off and back on again to get it. She tried not to overanalyze his reaction. She hadn’t actually thought about the idea that Jinshi wouldn’t want her to have his child. He had pursued her thoroughly, and refused to take any sort of consort. He only wanted her, and he’d meant it. She assumed he’d want a family. But maybe she shouldn’t have--after all, anything else he wanted he would ask for. Over and over until she said yes. After a few moments, she was done cleaning though, and worried that he wouldn’t actually want to be a father.

“I apologize. If you’re opposed that’s fine. It’s It’s only that if I get older it may become--” she cut herself off. She’d thought about what might happen if she got older without a family. Ah Duo was put out at 35 because that was the age that it was understood she wasn’t going to have any more kids if she hadn’t already. Maomao herself was 27 now. But she didn’t want to convince Jinshi to take her side in this. It wasn’t like negotiating her husband’s whims. It was making a person. And she wouldn’t create a child who wasn’t wanted by their father.

“It’s not that!” he all but shouted, and she was surprised. What was the issue then? “I…have we not been doing all that’s required at this point?” Ah. So that was it. They hardly had a frigid bedroom. Even after two years of marriage, Jinshi matched or even surpassed his older brother in terms of insatiability. “I had assumed between the eunuch potion and the poison that it simply wasn’t possible.”

She blinked a few times. She hadn’t really thought at all then. She pulled out one of the little packets she put into her tea each night. “I worked as a brothel apothecary. What did you think I took the same tea every night for?” Of course she knew about birth control and abortifacients. He knew that. She’d diagnosed their accidental use dozens of times by now. Herbs that would help clear skin, but also prevented birth, or might lighten one’s menstruation while also keeping one from conceiving.

“I never really thought about it. Sleep perhaps?” She did things that were far stranger, but as long as it wasn’t hurting her he agreed to let it slide. She’d made him sleeping tea plenty of times, and he’d figured that hers was just stronger thanks to her natural resistance to most drugs.

“It’s for the prevention of conception. I’ve taken it every day since two weeks before our wedding.” She explained, pinching her nose before chuckling as she realized it was kind of sweet in a way. “I suppose I should treat it as romantic after all. You thought that one of us was impotent and you never took a consort to see if it were you. You just…accepted not having a child.” Not many men, especially those with access to an essentially unlimited number of women, would have done the same.

He got up, and wrapped her into a tight hug. So he wasn’t angry with her at all then. “So that’s a yes for a child?” She asked, only for him to smile and roll his eyes in response.

“Of course. As many as I can convince you to carry.” He replied, kissing the top of her head.

She gave him a small frown and added “Don’t get too excited. I’m not sure about more than one.” She’d always wanted a child as an experiment, but she wasn’t sure she’d do more. Then she sighed and looked down. “I’m not sure I’ll be a very good mother. But I’d like to raise the child ourselves. No nursemaids and caretakers. I want to be real parents.” She knew that most princes and princesses were raised by people other than their parents, but she couldn’t help but want to be the kind of parent that neither of hers were really able to be. She loved her little found family but a child knowing the love of a mother and a father who also loved each other was something she wanted more than she knew how to explain.

He paused for a second when she said it. Even as hands on as Gyoukoku had been with her children, she hadn’t fed them herself. Of course Suiren had been Jinshi’s own milk mother. One might even consider it a slight against any potential candidates that Maomao chose to nurse the children herself. He tried to think…the most likely choice would of course be Lishu, having just fallen pregnant herself after marrying into the Ma clan. They were friends, and she was used to Maomoa’s whims, so hopefully she wouldn’t see it as a sign of disrespect. As he was lost in thought though, she decided that he needed more convincing and put his hands to her meager chest.

“It’ll make them bigger you know. Creating milk grows the tissues.” She said, drawing a laugh from him. Having been invited to touch, he squeezed them gently.

“I’m sure I’ll enjoy them at any size.” He assured her, kissing her neck. “I was more worried about the pain and discomfort it can bring. But this is hardly the most reasonable request of yours that I’d allow.” She wrinkled her nose. She knew how nursing could create issues. But she knew how to make balms and such to treat it. She was sure she’d be fine.

She didn’t really react to his continued groping. She hadn’t expected it but she was more or less used to it. Instead she leaned back into his chest as she vocalized the rest of the complications that would be brought along. “I’ll need a food taster. I’ve never asked for one before, so people will figure it out. I’ll have to start having them at any party after I stop taking the birth control. People will assume I’m already pregnant.” She was glad that she was more or less engulfed in him. His scent was calming her down and helping her not worry so much about it. Even if Jinshi wasn’t emperor, he was still known as the imperial brother. There were princes, but an imperial nephew could be a power some would seek to eliminate. Not to mention noble women who still aspired to being Jinshi’s favored consort. It wasn’t uncommon for favor to fade after a woman miscarried. If Maomao couldn’t carry a child to term, they may even hope to be the Gyoukoku to Jinshi’s Ah-Duo. They didn’t need Jinshi’s love to raise their status--just his son.

“You’re taking this seriously to pass up a chance for poison. That’s proof enough to me that you’ll be a wonderful mother.” While many would hear this and think it was sarcastic, from Jinshi it sounded honest. He knew how much she loved poison after all. And who knew what people would come up with to try and end a pregnancy.

Maomao worried that her own raising would still make her a poor parent though. She didn’t emote much, especially not in the dramatic fashion that most people did with babies. What if she were so harsh that she damaged a child and they became like their great grandfather, the former emperor. Or anxiety ridden like Lishu? Or some new horror a parent could inflict on their child? Sure kids liked her well enough, but that was as a friend or an auntie at most. She could hardly go around boxing a royal child around like she did Chou-u. And she couldn’t serve to spoil them like she did the princess and princes.

“I hope so.” She muttered. If not, of course there were people for that. But she wanted to be a mom as much as she wanted to be a mother. To have a child and raise them with her husband. She put a hand to her belly, heart racing as she thought of the possibility.

“I know so. My beautiful wife can do anything she sets her mind to.” His tone was cheerful as he moved his hand to cover hers. He was so much larger than her, taking after his mother in that respect. She could only hope the baby favored the imperial line in that respect at least. She’d hate to die giving birth to a giant.

“My idiot husband thinks too highly of me. If I could do anything, I wouldn’t need him for carrying heavy medicine and reaching the highest shelves to put it away.” She teased, her smile coming back. This sort of back and forth was normal. Even as his wife, she was probably not supposed to say such things to the imperial brother, but she was sure by now it wouldn’t get her beheaded.

“And without me, who would my cruel wife bully? I’m really doing a public service, taking the brunt of your brutality.”

“Brutality? Surely I’m the one saving an entire palace of consorts from the brutality of your endless appetite.” She shifted her head to the side, a subtle hint that the mood could shift. After all, she hadn’t taken her tea yet and they had a baby to make. He kissed down the column of her neck, a grin on his lips.

“I’ve never seen you mind. In fact, it was just last night that you were begging me to continue even after I’d finished a third time.” And while she blushed at the statement, it wasn’t an incorrect one. Their first few nights had been clumsy, sometimes even painful. Maomao had the theoretical knowledge of how to please a man, but none of her brothel training involved how to be pleased herself. It simply wasn’t part of the job. But some letters to her sisters had soon changed that. Jinshi assumed that if even the misandrist Joka could enjoy something, it had to be a good technique, and he took to learning them with gusto. By now it was more correct to say that neither of them was eager to simply sleep when they went to bed at night. It was no wonder Jinshi had assumed something had created infertility. After all, he was quite the diligent farmer when it came to sowing his seeds, and she was a most eager field.