Jinshi had known the concubine would be leaving. She was unable to have more children, and her only child had died in infancy. That baby had been born the same night Jinshi was. Maybe that was why the concubine had always been particularly kind to him. He doubted she saw him as a replacement for her son, but perhaps watching him grow up had helped soothe the sorrow in her heart.

She was his older brother 's best friend, closest confidant, and the mother of his first born. If her son hadn 't died, that baby would 've been the crown prince, instead of Jinshi. Strange how things had turned out.

Jinshi had met with the apothecary as planned, and her report had been the final piece to putting Lady Fenming to death. Lady Ah-Duo had taken the news as well as could 've been expected. The concubine was quite talented at concealing her true emotions, so Jinshi wouldn 't have been surprised to learn that she was more upset than she let on. After all, Lady Fenming had been with her for longer than Jinshi had been alive. To be together that long, to be so close, he knew it was impossible for Lady Ah-Duo not to be feeling the loss deeply.

Jinshi was going through his own gamut of emotions. Lady Ah-Duo leaving felt like his own mother leaving. She 'd always been around. Always part of his life. Always took genuine interest in him, even when he was very small. She wasn't going to be completely out of the picture, she 'd be moving to a place owned by the palace. He 'd still see her occasionally, but not almost everyday like he always had.

Maybe it was the fact that he didn 't want to think about how much he 'd miss her, didn 't want to think that time was almost up with her, that he did what he did the day the apothecary gave him her report.

He 'd only meant to tease her a little, but he 'd gotten carried away. With honey dripping from his fingers, he 'd backed the girl up against the wall. He made her think he expected her to lick or suck the honey off his fingers, which despite the base part of him that relished the idea, he was only going to touch her lips. If he forced his fingers in her mouth, there was a significant chance he 'd no longer have those fingers. The girl was fierce and could probably bite through bone. He wasn 't about to test his theory about that.

However, before things went too far, Lady Gyokuyou had caught him. He 'd never seen her so livid. It was actually scary. In the days that followed, Lady Gyokuyou kept the girl out of sight. She wasn 't about to give him another opportunity to harass one of her ladies in such a perverse manner again. It had been days. He fully regretted his failed joke, and he hoped that he was nearing the end of Lady Gyokuyou punishing him.

Early in the afternoon of Lady Ah-Duo 's last day in the rear palace, Jinshi received a message from her, asking for him to visit that evening. It was an easy enough request to grant. He was glad he 'd get a little more time with her before she was gone.

When he arrived, Lady Ah-Duo greeted him and asked him to join her for a drink. She dismissed everyone else, and proceeded to sit and drink quietly for several minutes. At last she said, 'Tell me, is this life the one you truly want? '

She was one of the few who knew the truth of who he really was, so he was less wary of speaking with her about such things. 'Not quite, but if it will get me to the life I want, it will be worth it. '

'You still don 't want to become that. ' They might be alone, but there were eyes and ear everywhere. They both knew some discretion was necessary, especially when speaking about something as serious as being emperor.

He shook his head, 'Did you anticipate that I would change my mind? '

She took a drink and studied him for a few moments, 'It is your birthright. '

'If anything that makes it even less appealing. '

She laughed softly, 'No one can accuse you of not knowing your own mind. ' As she finished speaking, she abruptly stood, and told him, 'I 'll be back. Wait here. '

He sat alone, nursing his drink. When he finished the cup, he refilled it and continued waiting. By the time Lady Ah-Duo returned, he 'd consumed far more alcohol than he ever should 've. His head felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton and everything felt a little off-kilter.

The woman walked in, took one look at him, and said, 'I can leave now. I 'm satisfied. Go home. '

It was nothing short of a miracle that he was able to stand and walk at all. He regretted that he didn 't have anyone with him. His residence wasn 't that far away, but in his state, in the dark, it would be quite the accomplishment if he made it to his bed in one piece.

He hadn 't gone very far when movement on the wall caught his eye. 'What the hell? ' he mumbled, as he turned and made his way closer. Were his eyes playing tricks on him? If he hadn 't known better, he 'd have thought that was the apothecary climbing down the wall. Before too long, she was close enough that he could see it really was her and he asked, 'What are you doing? '

She yelped in surprise and seconds later he was flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him from breaking the girl 's fall. He watched her sit up slowly, rubbing her head, and she admonished him, 'You scared me! '

He 'd managed to catch his breath and struggled to sit up as he replied, 'I didn 't mean to. '

She looked over her shoulder at him, 'What are you doing here? '

'I could ask you the same thing, ' he retorted.

'Fair point, ' she stated as she started to get to her feet. 'I 'm going to go. '

He reacted without thinking as her small, warm body tried to leave him. Wrapping his arms around her abdomen, he held her in place. She strained against his hold, and said, 'Could you please let go of me? '

Instead of doing as she asked, he pulled her all the way back, tight against his chest. She sighed, 'I told you to let go. '

'Don 't wanna, ' he replied, sounding much more like a small child instead of a man who was almost twenty. 'You 're warm. '

She looked back at him, 'Are you drunk? '

He lowered his head to rest on her shoulder, 'Probably. Host offered and I didn 't really have a choice. ' Nuzzling against the back of her neck, he inhaled that earthy herby scent he loved so much and kept talking, 'I don 't know what the hell she was thinking. I was there and she started loading me up with drink. Then suddenly she was telling me to stay and she 'd be back. And she got back and 'and 'she said she was satisfied. Whatever the hell that means. And then she kicked me out. '

Despite how drunk he was, the way he 'd been so casually dismissed was a bitter pill to swallow. After all the years they 'd known each other, it seemed like it should 've been more 'more 'important didn 't seem like quite the right word, but in his inebriated state he couldn 't come up with better. Didn 't he matter at all to the concubine? Or was he just a pretty face that she 'd been nice to because it would keep his brother happy? He knew he wasn 't being fair, but none of this was fair. Tears welled at the thought that Lady Ah-Duo really was leaving and that had been their last private interaction for the foreseeable future. He had no idea when or if their paths would cross again like that.

In his arms, the girl started moving again, attempting to gain her freedom, but then she stilled right as his tears spilled over and ran onto her skin. 'Please, ' he almost whispered, his voice hoarse. 'Please don 't go. Not yet. Stay. Please. '

He so desperately didn 't want to be alone. It felt like he 'd been alone his entire life until he 'd met the girl. She wasn 't particularly soft or kind toward him typically, but she was there. Really there. Had no interest in the Jinshi mask he wore almost all the time. Lately, it had been slipping a bit around her. There in the cold, under the night sky, the mask was completely gone. He was too drunk to try to keep it in place, but the wonder of it all was that he didn 't feel the need to try to put it back anytime soon.

The girl stopped trying to get loose and instead sat quietly, her tiny hands rested on top of his. Her head tilted up, and he assumed she was stargazing. He didn 't try to stop the tears that continued to fall.

When was the last time he 'd cried in front of another person? It had been well over a decade. Probably closer to two decades. At some point, when he was very young, he 'd been informed he was not to cry around others. It was not befitting behavior of someone of his status. The girl gave no indication that she was bothered by his tears, even though they were likely soaking part of her clothing. Her sharp tongue hadn 't made any cutting remarks about his display of emotion.

They stayed that way for such a long time. Even after his tears stopped, he continued to sit, holding onto her. Eventually, though, the cold got to be too much, and he forced himself to let go of her. It had been enough time to sober up just enough so he was able to escort her back to the Jade Pavilion, despite her protestations it was unnecessary. After assuring her he 'd be able to sleep and he 'd make sure to drink fluids to aid with the dehydration he was certain to experience, she bid him goodnight.

***

A few days after Lady Ah-Duo officially took her leave, Jinshi was in the middle of reading through another bill. Something about taxes and farmers, but on first pass it didn 't make much sense. He had just started his second read-through when Gaoshun walked into the office, carrying something. Jinshi set down the bill right as Gaoshun reached his desk and held out what he 'd brought. Jinshi took it and asked, 'What is it? '

'That would be a list of names of Fengming 's family and all their known associates. '

'Ah, ' Jinshi nodded. 'I suppose I better look over it. '

'There are eighty girls tied to them that serve here in the rear palace. So, yes, you had better look over it. Carefully. '

Jinshi looked up and eyed the man warily, 'I take it I 'm not going to like what I find? '

'That I cannot say for certain. '

Jinshi unfolded the document and scanned over it. When he reached the list of girls, he broke out in a cold sweat and his stomach rolled as he saw three simple words:

Jade Pavilion

Maomao

She 'd told him she 'd been kidnapped and sold off to the rear palace. It wasn 't a new piece of information. Seeing her name on the list, though, made it all so much worse. Every name on the list, including the apothecary, should be discharged and sent back to their families. That would be the right thing to do.

'What am I going to do? ' Jinshi couldn 't keep the heartache out of his voice.

'What do you wish to do? '

If only it were that simple. If only Jinshi could do exactly as he wished in this situation. He just stared at her name, unable to figure out what he should do.

'Shall I begin the discharge process? '

Jinshi looked up, 'I suppose that has to happen. '

Gaoshun nodded, 'If that is what you decide. It 's your choice. '

Of course, the older man wasn 't going to make this easy on him. Jinshi had the final say in the matter. He could easily let everyone, except the apothecary be discharged. She didn 't need to know that she 'd been on the list. He could keep her right where she was. He 'd be able to keep seeing her as often as he wanted. He could keep her.

What if that wasn 't what she wanted? What if she wanted to go home, wanted to leave, and she found out he 'd wielded his power selfishly? He 'd be no better than those that used their power to keep him in his position, even though they knew it wasn 't what he wanted. On the other hand, what if she wanted to stay and he let her go?

'Master Jinshi. '

Jinshi looked up, and realized he 'd been lost in his thoughts for a good long while. 'Yes? '

Gaoshun studied him carefully, 'I thought you said she was just a pawn. '

***

Just a pawn. To think he 'd actually viewed her that way at one point. He cursed himself for ever even thinking of her that way, let alone calling her that to Gaoshun in the early days of knowing the girl. He cursed Fengming for what she 'd done and the fact her actions were likely going to cost him what he 'd quickly come to consider most precious.

He really had no idea what he was going to do. He 'd had Gaoshun start the discharges, but held off on making a decision about the apothecary, told his aide he 'd handle her personally. Unfortunately, in order to do that, Jinshi had to make a decision. Something that he still hadn 't managed to do two days into the discharges.

Maybe he wouldn 't have to. Maybe it could just be one of those things that never got dealt with.

Or maybe she 'd come running up to him, completely out of breath, red in the face, and tell him she needed to talk to him.

No maybe about it. That 's exactly what happened.

He was near the main gate when he heard her voice call out his name. Turning, he saw her running straight for him, only coming to a stop a few feet away. Normally, he 'd have been thrilled to have her come chasing after him, but he had a horrible feeling that he was about to have to face the question he 'd been avoiding for days.

'Goodness, ' he teased, 'you 're all red. '

Gasping for breath, she said, 'I 'I have to 'to talk 'to you. '

He wanted to tease her a little more, but his heart was too heavy to do so. Instead, he simply nodded and said, 'Okay. Catch your breath and let 's talk inside. '

Several minutes later, they faced each other. Him sitting at his desk, her standing in front of him. There was no use putting it off, and he started off the conversation by saying, 'I assume this is about the dismissals. '

She nodded, 'Yes, sir. Does it involve me? '

He couldn 't make himself say the words, so instead he pulled the list out and handed it to her. The girl took it, and did a brief scan of the document. Her shoulders slumped just a fraction. It was such a small movement, if his eyes hadn 't been fixed on her, he 'd have missed it. She looked up from the list, 'I see. So, I 'm being let go. '

Still, he couldn 't actually say the words, so instead he asked, 'What do you want to do? '

Her head bowed, and for a long time she said nothing. He waited, hoping that when she looked up she 'd tell him something along the lines of

I don 't want to go. I don 't wish to be parted from you. Let me stay. Please don 't send me away.

Instead, when she finally did look up and speak, she only said, 'I 'm only a servant. I will do as I 'm told. '

She didn 't want to stay. She wanted to leave. That had to be what she meant. He now knew her well enough to know she wouldn 't outright say what she wanted to someone she felt was of higher rank. But her meaning couldn 't have been clearer. He remembered his dream where she 'd told him he had to let her go. He should 've known she 'd never want to stay, especially with him. No matter how much he wanted her to stay, he suddenly knew he couldn 't force that upon her. Decision made, his eyes were fixed on his desk, and his voice was hollow as he told her, 'Very well. I 'll make sure you 're fully compensated. '

Several seconds passed before she finally spoke in a wooden tone, 'Thank you, sir. '

He didn 't dismiss her, but she left anyway. He didn 't look up until she was gone.

***

The week that followed was unpleasant. The news of the girl 's dismissal had been received even worse than he had expected. Both Lady Lihua and Lady Gyokuyou had been displeased, though Lady Lihua had remained civil. Lady Gyokuyou on the other hand had snapped at him, 'Don 't come crying to me when you realize what a mistake you 've made. '

There was no danger of him realizing he 'd made a mistake. He 'd known it from the moment he told the girl he 'd make sure she receive compensation. He couldn 't stop her from going, not since that was what she wanted. However, he was quite generous with her compensation, far more than with anyone else 's.

She remained in the rear palace for one more week. One more week where he got to see her everyday, though he kept his distance. One week, and then she was just gone.

At night, he tried to comfort himself by remembering holding her out under the stars. During the day he did his work, but otherwise, kept to himself, trapped in a spiral of heartbreak. It never hurt less. In fact, as the days went by it just got worse. He 'd lost her, and had no idea how to move forward without her.

***

'I 'm not going, ' Jinshi stated flatly. The girl had been gone for over a week, and he had never felt so low.

Gaoshun sighed, 'You 're going to defy the Emperor 's wishes? '

'I 'm certain my presence is unnecessary. I can 't imagine why the Emperor would think I need to be there. '

'Going against the Emperor 's order in this matter is an interesting decision, all things considered. '

Jinshi looked up from the document with his brother 's signature and gave Gaoshun his most unamused look, 'Why would he want me to attend such a function? Seems like something that would not be worth his notice. '

The function in question was a gathering of men that were the military 's cream of the crop. All young men that had been seeing rapid success in their careers. It wasn 't that unusual of an event, but it was unusual his brother was aware it was taking place and had decided Jinshi should be there as well. The whole thing was strange.

'Perhaps he thinks it will help foster good will between the men and yourself. Should you ever find yourself needing to command them, it would be best if they were at least a little familiar with you. '

What Gaoshun said made sense, but still, 'I can 't imagine anything happening that would require me to be in any sort of command of the army at this point. Not unless it was something that I personally went to the Emperor to request the army to do. Which, again, seems wildly unlikely. ' Jinshi set the document aside, 'Fine, I 'll attend. It 'd be more trouble than it 's worth if I don 't. '

'Very good, sir. '

Jinshi 's eyes narrowed, 'You 're unusually enthusiastic about this. Is there something I should know? '

Gaoshun shook his head, 'Not at all, sir. I simply believe it will be good for you to have an evening out. '

Something was going on. Jinshi was certain of it. However, he didn 't have the energy to dig his heels in and try to get it out of the man. Gaoshun was not a man it was easy to get secrets out of, which normally worked in Jinshi 's favor, but in cases like this it was downright annoying.

***

That evening, he found himself at some military official 's home. A few other young men were there, and they all ended up at tables facing a raised platform. Jinshi picked a table set back a bit from the others. The view wasn 't exactly obstructed, but it was poor enough, he was safe from anyone wanting to join him and watch whatever was going to happen.

Whatever was going to happen turned out to be an evening of entertainment by some talented courtesans. Maybe if he 'd been in a better mood he 'd have been able to enjoy it. He didn 't want to be there. He wanted to be home, alone with his misery over the apothecary. Even though she 'd wanted to leave, he wondered if he still had a chance with her. It was a foolish thing to hope, he knew that. He should just stop thinking about her. He loved her and he 'd lost her. That 's all there was to it. The memory of that night under the stars would have to suffice. His entire body ached at the memory of how wonderful it had felt holding her. He could 've spent every night like that for the rest of his life. Curled around her, shielding her petite form from whatever wanted to harm her. Instead, she was back where anyone could drag her into a back alley and do the unthinkable.

He 'd posted a guard to keep an eye on her discreetly, but that had done little to ease his worry. Jinshi was angry with himself for not speaking up while he had the chance, for not pleading his case to the woman. She didn 't love him, he wasn 't so foolish as to believe that was possible. Love didn 't have to be in the equation. If she could tolerate him, that would be enough. Time would pass, she 'd be able to see he really wasn 't the mask he wore everywhere with everyone. She always seemed to be a little less prickly when his persona dropped. Maybe if she could see the real him on a consistent basis that would '

He sighed and shook his head. She was gone. He 'd continue to take care of her as best he could, but he 'd let her go. Their paths would likely never cross again. He was going to have to start accepting that.

'May I join you? ' a pleasant female voice asked.

'I 'd rather you didn 't. I 'd prefer to be left alone, ' he retorted without looking at the intruder.

His body stiffened as he felt the hair that had fallen hiding the side of his face get gently swept back. No fingers touched his skin, just moved the hair. He gasped a second later at hearing the woman 's surprised exclamation, 'Master Jinshi? '

His hair fell back into place as the woman withdrew her hand, and he immediately sat up straight, staring at her trying to fit the voice to the face. The voice, the sapphire eyes, the emerald hair, all of it was there. The freckles weren 't. 'Makeup makes you look so different, ' he said without really thinking.

'That 's what everyone says, ' she replied. Her voice had lost it 's honeyed tone and was back to normal.

He needed to touch her. Needed to know she was actually there and that he wasn 't hallucinating. He reached for her and she immediately backed away. Confused, he asked, 'What is it? '

'There 's a no touch policy for the entertainment. '

That was frustrating, but he pulled his hand back and she relaxed a fraction. She looked so lovely, but the dress she wore was certainly nothing he 'd have ever expected to see her in. That combined with the makeup and her comment about a no touch policy had a horrible thought start to take form in his mind. 'Why are you dressed like that? '

'Because I 'm working tonight. '

Oh hell, he didn 't like where this was going. 'Working tonight? '

She nodded and didn 't quite meet his eyes when she replied, 'It 's only part-time. '

Instant panic flooded him, 'You 're a 'a ' ' He couldn 't get the word out. It wasn 't that he had a problem with courtesans, but the idea of his Maomao becoming one was too much.

'It 's not like I 'm taking customers, ' she stated flatly. Looking away, she added, 'At least, not yet. '

'Not yet ' ' No. There was no way he was going to let that happen. His mind raced. If she was working as a courtesan, that meant she had a contract. That meant she was legally owned by some brothel. She wouldn 't be free until the conditions of the contract had been met or she 'd been bought out. A buy-out frequently meant marriage. He already knew he was going to marry her. This wasn 't quite how he 'd planned on broaching the subject, but plans be damned. 'I 'll buy you out. '

Almost as soon as the words were out, she looked up at him with wide, wary eyes, 'Are you joking or ' ' Her brow furrowed for a few seconds and she appeared to be thinking about something. Her tone shifted, 'Wait, that 's actually not a bad idea. '

There weren 't many times in his life that he 'd been completely shocked, but this was definitely one of them. She wasn 't going to turn him down? All he 'd had to do was ask? Buying her out would be such a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things if it meant he got to keep her. He 'd convince his brother that '

'It 'd be nice to work in the rear palace again. '

He deflated. She had absolutely misunderstood what he 'd been implying. Marriage talks would have to be put on the back burner. On the bright side, she wasn 't opposed to returning to the rear palace. Something that he was a little surprised by, 'I thought you quit because you hated it there. '

It was her turn to look confused, 'When I did I say that? I did everything short of beg you to let me stay and you still fired me. It wasn 't perfect, but I got to work as a taster, which I liked. Honestly, the only thing I really didn 't like about being there was not being able to continue my poison experiments. '

For the first time in over two weeks he laughed a real laugh, 'That 's definitely not something you should be doing. ' He gazed at her with the fondness he typically tried to keep in check, 'I know, that 's just part of who you are. '

'I 'm not sure I understand. '

He wasn 't sure how to explain it, and instead asked a question of his own. 'Have you ever been told you 're hard to read? '

She nodded, 'Yes. Frequently. '

Since it was decided he was going to buy out her contract, he assumed it would be okay to touch her. He reached out, but again she immediately backed away. 'I still can 't touch you? '

'As I said before, there are rules. '

He didn 't pull back, instead he dug his heels in and asked, 'Exceptions can 't be made? '

'No. '

He knew he should probably let it go, but after everything, he really wanted to make absolutely certain that she was really there and their conversation had actually taken place. 'It won 't be the end of the world. '

'You don 't know that for sure. '

He made one last attempt to plead his case, 'Just my fingertips? '

Her eyes shut for a moment and her head turned away slightly. A few seconds passed before she sighed, 'Just one touch and just your fingertips. '

Victory was sweet. Gently he pressed two of his fingertips to her soft, painted lips and when he pulled away her eyes flew open and her cheeks burned scarlet as she watched him touch his own lips. For just a few seconds, they were the only two people that existed, but that was all they got. Everyone else had been watching the exchange, he realized belatedly. Well, it wasn 't the first time he 'd shared an intimate moment with Maomao that had been so keenly observed, but hopefully the next one would be a bit more private.