This is a very long passage, but I'll provide a faithful, natural Vietnamese translation, keeping proper nouns intact, translating naturally and not word-for-word, as requested. For clarity, I will break the translation into sections as the passage is extremely long and detailed. (If you need only a part or a summary, let me know in future requests!)

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**And here we have the goddess, the myth, the-

It would take quite the feat to leave Gojo Satoru - self-proclaimed king of idols (debatable), world-class chatterbox (not debatable) - of all people gaping soundlessly at his screen.

For a second. Two.

Three-

before he’s sputtering at the blur of incoming comments, “O-oi!

Don’t you lil’ perverts think you can get away with flirting with my best friend.” Arms crossed, he nods seriously at his fanbase, “Even I don’t get away with flirting with my be-”

‘Satoru, they’re about to cut the cameras.’

‘A joke. Obviously.’ Smooth.