Growing up, Maomao always felt like she was a stationary piece in a play, a prop that watched the actors and actresses. Maybe it came from being a weeping toddler, forgotten on the floor of the brothel. She wasn 't part of the show, and yet she was there, to watch, to see whatever there was to see, to understand that she is not part of the story.

She was never a character in the story, only the reader.

Then the Moon Prince came along, and decided for some reason that in his story, she should be his love interest.

It took a very long time for her to accept both that he wanted her to be part of his story, and that she wanted to be part of it as well. She couldn 't really imagine living a life without him now; she met him when she was barely nineteen, and now she is twenty-two.

Despite being surrounded by beautiful, buxom women who would do anything for him at his mere request, Jinshi never made it a secret that he was attracted to her. It took awhile for her to understand this in the beginning because she didn 't understand human emotions and viewed his incursions into her personal space and his flirtations as being similar to how a horny dog will hump a person 's leg if he 's wound up enough.

Being a young adult for Maomao meant comprehending the sacred and vulnerable truth:

Even though he could have chosen any women in a nation of millions, the only leg Jinshi wanted to hump was hers.

Their relationship grew quite slowly, which was her fault. There were times she tolerated his lusts, but even when they kissed for the first time, it was methodical for her. What she was taught to do, she did; she was not, in the moment, suffering the same sort of delirious want that he was.

Even when she reported to his bedchamber, ready to offer herself to him, she followed the instructions she knew were the correct preparations and she knew what techniques to use.

Maomao thought she simply wasn 't a passionate person, and she didn 't mind. People didn 't choose their own nature, and it seemed Jinshi had accepted her somewhat aloof disposition as well, even if it made things difficult.

Something had changed.

Forever.

It wasn 't something that even directly involved Jinshi.

When Basen and Lishu married, Lishu seemingly got pregnant the first time he touched her with his fingertip, and good on them for being such fertile people. Maomao asked Lishu if she would trust her to look after her during her pregnancy, as she hadn 't been a primary medical officer for a whole pregnancy, and she hadn 't actually attended a birth yet.

Of course because it would be her first birth, she intended to have Luomen there to advise her.

Lishu was always such a shy and timid girl, and while Basen 's love did something magical for her, Maomao watched Lishu evolve from someone trapped in a certain mindset to an excited and confident mother. At the beginning of her pregnancy, she cried now and then because her own mother died and she was scared she wouldn 't know how to be a mother, but by the time the baby came, she seemed so natural and confident, ready to meet her little one.

Her labor was difficult, and Basen stayed with her faithfully through all of it, rubbing her back, holding her hand, reassuring her. Somewhere in her mind, she knew Lishu was laboring to give birth in the same bed where the had consummated their love. It was some sort of ultimate, unmatched expression of her love for him, that she would cry, and bleed, and scream, and push to bring their child into the world.

It was an intense, emotionally and physically rigorous, and dangerous process, but she thought of it as being similar to when an insect sheds its outer layer so that that it can keep growing.

Maomao decided as she witnessed this that she wanted to undergo this transformation too. There is a side of Lishu that was hidden to Lishu until she endured this painful transition and revealed a wonderful, more passionate, more perfect version of herself.

Maomao decided that maybe there is a version of her that she is not allowed to know, one that will only be revealed to her when it is her time.

Basen transformed too. He also became a more wonderful version of himself.

After the baby arrived, when Maomao was holding him, even though she has held many other babies in her life, this particular time, she felt a profound emptiness that she could not explain, and a kind of longing that was equally impossible to describe.

There was a voice inside of her that very loudly said,

'I want one. '

Now that she 's finally made it back to her apartment near the medical office, she tries to order her thoughts but finds herself unable to do so. The bath water in the common area is tepid because it 's already hours old, but she finds something strange as she 's undressing: her undergarments are sticky.

This is perhaps normal for other women according to literature she has read, but it 's not something that happens to her. She wonders if it 's an early sign of infection as this simply doesn 't happen to her. Even when Jinshi has teased her in the past, her body didn 't react the way one might expect.

When she touches her vulva, checking for signs of infection or irritation, it feels 'different. Hot. Sensitive. Slippery.

In her mind, she understands this perfectly and recites it as from a textbook; in anticipation of intercourse, blood rushes to the genital area, causing increased sensitivity to touch, an increased urge to have intercourse, and various other symptoms throughout the body. Her heart rate is high, and her respiration is a little labored.

The slick fluid is a sign that her body was attempting to prepare itself for penetration. It 's purpose is to allow an erect penis to enter the vagina without friction or injury, so that the act of intercourse can be successful.

Maomao has masturbated before, because why not? But she wasn 't particularly compelled to it and used lotion because it stayed quite dry.

It was 'okay.

The okayness of that experience made her incurious about sex. Perhaps it was just something that people did, and there would be some pleasure, but she hadn 't ever felt driven to it. She had a lot of information about sex, a lot of technical instructions, and little motivation to execute them before now.

She wasn 't even explicitly fantasizing about a sexual situation; childbirth and intercourse are simply related events and, in her mind, that intrusive little thought that demanded she have a baby knew the way to make that happen was through intercourse.

A long soak in tepid water causes the strange mood to pass, although once she lays down for bed, her mind drifts and drifts and drifts.

At one point, she rests her hands on her flat little belly, and wonders why she 's never been so acutely aware of how empty it is? Or why has she never wanted it not to be empty before?

There are multiple facets to all the strange things going on inside of her head.

Previously, she wanted to give birth in order to gain access to a human placenta, and while she thinks she could have asked Lishu for hers, her dad was there, and she didn 't want to get a look from him. She assumed she wouldn 't be a terrible mother, but she didn 't really understand a mother 's love.

There is a part of her mind that whispers quietly to her that she will understand that love when she becomes a mother just like Lishu did.

Maomao does finally manage to drift off to sleep, and when she wakes up in the morning, she feels different.

Since she was working for two days straight at the Ma clan residence, she has the day off, although she plans on going to visit Lishu to check on her. Part of her also wants to see if her body has such a strange reaction to the baby again or if maybe she was under the influence of some unexplained phenomenon the night before.

The prince is on a trip and will not return for another five weeks, and because Basen 's child was due to arrive, and the emperor, not wanting Basen to miss such an important event, sent Gaoshun with the prince. Basen instead stayed with the emperor until Lishu went into labor and is enjoying a few days off to spend with his wife and newborn.

Opening her window to let in some light, she spots a nest where two sparrows are sitting on some eggs. Watching them carry on has been one of her secret little side pleasures this year. In the beginning, it was just the female that hung around her window, and Maomao would give her crumbs now and then.

One day, the male sparrow came around. Like most birds, the males are more beautiful than the females, and despite this, they still have to use various forms of harassment in order to reproduce, which Maomao finds quite funny.

The attitude of female birds impresses Maomao: 'I don 't care how beautiful you are. You 're going to dance for me and offer me gifts or no sex for you. '

The male sparrow came around with his silly little offerings, little twigs and bits of grass, occasionally bits of food or a tiny insect. She was hesitant, and he, deeply impassioned and quite silly, always clowning about with his gifts and his dances, as if he was certain she would give in to his charms if she could just understand exactly how handsome he was and how much he liked her.

One day, she looked out and they started building a nest together, so now Maomao wonders if there was a moment in female sparrow 's mind where she simply decided, 'I want him to fertilize me. '

And the male sparrow was thrilled, because he also, wanted to fertilize her.

Despite all the complications of their human lives, were she and Jinshi simply on the same mysterious journey?

Was it that way for everyone?

Certainly not.

Basen and Lishu were both previously very shy around the opposite sex, so Maomao really had no idea how they even got married. Who made the first move? It almost had to be Lishu, probably with some sort of sweet gesture he enjoyed but did not understand, because Basen is just an incredibly physical person.

Jinshi is very physical too.

Men are physical.

Most of them are bad with their words and like to talk with their bodies. They also wanted to be spoken to in physical language. Sometimes it wasn 't even words; there were times when he smelled her, like her scent provided some sort of information to him.

She read a book once that said that once there was a survey done in the west. Men were asked to meet with women at different times during the month and then asked to guess which of the women were in their fertile time of the month.

Most men got more right than was possible by chance; some men were almost always able to accurately discern this information. It seems to not be information they are able to deduce with their logical, active minds, or something they are consciously aware of. None of them knew how they knew. Yet when asked, some sort of secret intuition guided their answers.

She wonders if they obtain this information from scent, and if, when Jinshi smells her, it is a request from that secretive, primal side of him. What information is received, and what is done with it when it is received?

Is there information about Jinshi that she might obtain by smelling him? If there is, would she be consciously aware of it, or would it only be known to her instinctual side? What if that hidden part of her mind has always been collecting information about him and she simply didn 't know it?

For some reason, she begins to very vividly remember that one time she accidentally squeezed the Grand Imperial Amphibian a few times, and how each time, it became more engorged and heavier.

It 's probably very big, that much she acknowledged at the time.

But her mind now wants more detail. How big, exactly? Thick as well as long? How does the tip look? Does it curve in some sort of way? Are there veins?

Blood rushes to her vulva as she ponders these thoughts. She knows her vaginal canal is actually unusually narrow, and he 's most certainly girthy. He would fill her, stretch her. It seemed like an uncomfortable chore a day ago that she would do for him because she cared for him. Now her body seems to ache for it, as if demanding this lovely torment.

There are facets to that moment that were unseen by her until then, like the fact that his hips moved, however slightly. The way he exhaled when she took her hand away like he couldn 't breathe when it was on him 'then, there was the mere fact that the Grand Imperial Amphibian answered her touch eagerly, begging for her to keep her hand there even though Jinshi asked her to take it away.

Jinshi wanted to be a gentleman, but it seems the frog did not care for courtesy or chivalry and just wanted her to keep her hand where it was.

The more she considers the Grand Imperial Amphibian, the more she aches. She 's had a vagina for all of her twenty-two years of life? Why has it never felt empty until this moment?

There is a twitch between her legs that makes her toes curl as her mind runs wild, obsessing over that man and his frog. If he put it inside of her, it would make her feel pleasure 'she 's been dubious about how good it would feel, but her body promises it would be

really, really good

.

Let 's get fertilized

, says that intrusive voice.

Pictures are painted in her mind, a vivid fantasy of frantic undressing, and being lowered onto a bed, where he whispers in her ear, 'Spread your legs for me, ' in that deep, ragged voice he gets from time to time.

Maomao feels dizzy, plops down on the edge of her bed, and sliding a hand inside of her robes, finds that sticky wetness has returned.

More importantly, just the brush of her fingers made her gasp.

And so, she masturbates, first thing in the morning before even having a meal, her fingers playing with her clitoris while her body just does stuff on its own like it 's in control. She 's touched herself before; it was formulaic. This is different, and the slightest pressure on her clit activated some primordial response in her body that she wants to open her legs and present her entrance. Her hips move as if she 's desperate to grow closer to the source of her pleasure, which in this case, is only her hand. If she was in bed with a man, she imagines she 'd be wildly thrusting her hips upward, desperate for penetration.

She wonders if he 's as intensely curious about her vulva as she is about his penis? Does he think about what it might look like? Does he wish he could see it? If she told him something about it, what would happen? If he saw her do this, what would it look like?

And so she adds a hand mirror to this, watching her fingers pleasure herself while the delicate tissues drip with slick, turning from a light pink to a deep pink as the area becomes more engorged with blood.

Despite thinking that release would give her relief and allow her to move on with her day, it is more intense than she anticipated, and also relieves nothing. She 's left with a twitching, wet pussy that

still feels empty

. It begs for penetration, and she thinks about using her fingers, but she doesn 't want to mess around and break her hymen this way.

The prince has, after all, been weirdly obsessed with her virginity for a very long time and he would be annoyed if she told him she broke her own hymen because she became so aroused that the only thing she could think about was having her pussy filled with something big and hard and hot and he was simply 'out of town and unavailable to provide that big, hot, hard thing.

Instead, she lays there and brings herself to climax two more times, when her clit becomes so sensitive she can 't touch it anymore. This leaves it swollen and incredibly sensitive as she cleans herself off and thinks about how she was only seconds ago, imagining Jinshi absolutely filling her with hot semen.

Maomao knows she could probably find out the average amount a man ejaculates when he reaches orgasm, but the wild part of her that is fantasizing about impregnation imagines there being far too much. So much it just keeps coming, spurt after spurt. She doesn 't know how it will feel, but her imagination is quick to make some suggestions. Tells her it would be amazing to have his seed just oozing out of her swollen, slick pussy.

With the mirror, she watches her pussy twitch from orgasm and knows this would give the Grand Imperial Amphibian immense pleasure, her body milking him for every last drop.

She 's heard there are exercises she could do to make it tighter, to make it clench harder. It 's already very tight, and she 's very small in comparison to him. Could she make it twitch so hard he couldn 't take it?

She smells her fluids, and finds they smell vaguely sour from sweat. Since she grew up at a brothel, she knows that 's mostly due to her pubic hair.

Maybe she 'll remove it?

After recovering, her clitoris still twitches now and then as she begins to prepare for her day, as if reminding her that for some reason, she over-masturbated herself while imagining Jinshi doing all sorts of things to her.

Looking in her little mirror, the image feels wrong somehow. Something inside of her has changed, and it doesn 't like what is happening in the mirror. Things don 't match.

Her bangs are long; it 's time to cut them, but chunky bangs are also most common among girls. It 's not something women usually wear; she still wears her hair the way Luomen used to fix it for her as a little girl. The chunky bangs in part serve to be part of the 'unattractive ' disguise, with her freckles.

The freckles too no longer serve any purpose. Anyone who sees her face knows dragging her into a back alley is a poor decision because there are two obsessive men in her life who have access to the national armory. If someone is still going to kidnap her, it will not be because she didn 't paint on her freckles.

On this day, she clips her bangs back so they can continue growing out, and she does not reach for the clay. She has observed this behavior in other women before; when something happens that changes a woman on the inside, she sometimes also wants to change the outside.

In her peculiarity, she begins thinking about what should happen if she wants to become pregnant.

She 'll need to stop doing poison experiments on her own body, maybe forever. While her body can tolerate poison well, an unborn baby would not have that benefit, and some poisons linger for a while. As long as she is at risk for becoming pregnant, she shouldn 't have any poison in her body.

Experimenting with her body has always been a basic part of her training as an apothecary, but over the past couple of years, her interests have sharply turned more from poison to medicine. Botanical research being what it is, there 's simply more use for healing than hurting.

Her breast size certainly indicates that she should preferably gain weight and might not be particularly fertile as she is. Pregnancy is a difficult process and takes much from the body of the mother, so bolstering her nutrition, adding weight to her frame, and possibly supplements will assist her in completing this task.

Maomao quietly begins to obsess over this strange transformation she instinctually feels driven toward. She experiments with different ways she might do her hair, and then goes to the pharmacy at the medical office to begin whipping up wellness teas and ingredients that will enhance her fertility. She plans to begin exercises to strengthen her body in order to prepare her for vigorous sex and childbirth.

When she goes to check on Lishu and holds her sweet little baby boy, her body reinforces the idea that

yes

, she should get pregnant. Immediately, if possible. But it 's not possible, because the prince is away.

They have not ever discussed having a child except on that one night when she came to his room and they discussed how a pregnancy would be unwanted. Not for personal reasons. The prince never said he never wanted to have a baby with her. He said he didn 't want to have a baby that was going to be in danger, or put the empress 's little ones in danger.

Perhaps she should ask, and they should have a reasonable conversation about this, but for some reason, she thinks if she told Jinshi that she 's been obsessing over him putting a baby inside of her belly, he might die from a stroke.

There is a plethora of concerns that make pregnancy for her an item of misfortune, political entanglements that are confusing and frustrating. Sometimes, her mind just doesn 't let her think about those things. But then again, those are exactly the things that are going to end her little dream before it can begin. That won 't make her want a baby less, it will just mean that she will continue to want one and be unable to have one.

Why can 't they just be together?

Thinking about politics is as annoying as ever, and all the fun things happening inside of her distract her from doing so. Why think about the implications of adding complication to the imperial family tree when she can touch herself and think about Jinshi nailing her to the bed?

Somewhere in the north, this unknowing man is buried in paperwork, unable to relieve her desires, so they churn in the form of her very peculiar obsessive nature.

Her breasts immediately become sore when she starts chugging her fertility-enhancing serum a few days later, and she pats herself on the back because she knows that means it 's working. She carefully manages her diet and determines the exact amount of weight she wants to gain before his return. Her hair changes every day, and she experiments a bit with her makeup as her childlike bangs remain clipped back during their awkward stage of growth.

Maomao believes this process is a secret that only she knows about, but Luomen knows.

He knows that witnessing a birth is powerful, something that changes a person 's life. Of course, no one 's lives are changed more than the parents. Lishu and Basen are close peers to Jinshi and Maomao, and as it is in every generation, once the process starts in a circle of friends, suddenly everyone is settling down with a family.

Since she was little, she 's had confused and dulled emotions due to the circumstances of her birth, but Luomen can tell from the herbs she purchased from the pharmacy for personal use that she 's not confused about what she wants now.

Although he does wonder how the prince is going to react when he returns from his trip and is pounced by his cat, who demands kittens. It 's hard to imagine any man would be able to contain himself if the woman he loves asks for a child.

Luomen hopes that when she makes her vulnerable and honest request before the man that she loves that she is not denied. The young prince has loved her with his whole heart for years now, and he almost certainly longs for a child with the woman his heart has chosen.

National imperial politics being in the way of their love really was unfortunate.

He wonders if there 's anything he can do to help, but he doesn 't believe he can. The emperor has said he will grant Luomen a favor for performing his surgery, but Luomen knows that favor won 't be able to change the imperial family in any sort of way.

Still, Luomen wonders if he might appeal to the emperor 's goodwill towards his son. After all, Luomen certainly knows the truth, as it is the truth he paid for with his kneecap. His silence about the baby swap likely allowed the young prince to survive, and so Luomen has never minded much.

The fact that prince was the one who loved his Maomao so much was actually a rather sweet story in a royal house that was so marred by ugliness.

Luomen spends his favor on a frank discussion with the emperor, one loving father to another, about the situation facing the young couple.

There are no real barriers to the relationship; if they wanted to marry and have a child, they could do that. It would cause political controversy, but every meaningful decision an imperial makes has consequences of some kind or another. While the emperor has implored his oldest son to not live his life in fear of those consequences, he does anyway.

Zuigetsu is probably Empress Gyokuyou 's strongest ally outside of her family, and he did everything in his power to help her become empress, often working for her benefit and even loaning her his most precious treasure during her second pregnancy.

His refusal to create danger for the young crown prince is noble; he is unknowingly an older brother protecting his baby brother from danger at the expense of his own happiness.

After the conversation with Luomen, the emperor isn 't sure what to do. His son is impatient for a resolution to the matter, and it seems like he is really going to allow his loyalty to his younger brother to hinder him from settling down with Maomao.

Of course, the emperor would prefer to have his oldest son as his heir. Despite the prince 's doubts about his abilities, he 's quite competent and outstanding. If he really wanted, he could have been a fine emperor.

Sometimes Emperor Yang wonders if he 'd be amenable to becoming emperor if Li evolved into a nation that wasn 't held together by the imperial harem.

It might be something he would accept if he didn 't have a choice, but the emperor knows what his son truly desires is freedom from the imperial house.

Even if he can decide in his mind that Zuigetsu will never be emperor, how that actually works is an entirely different question. The real problem is that the best way to eliminate someone from a line of succession is to kill them and turning him loose while he is still alive will create ripples in the water.

The most obvious answer would be to give Zuigetsu a civilian name and allow him and Maomao to begin a family of their own, but they 'd be beset by those who wanted to influence them toward or away from the throne. Just declaring him no longer part of the imperial family didn 't change the blood running through his veins, after all.

The emperor really doesn 't know what to do about this. It 's a puzzle that can 't be easily solved, and also, a part of him doesn 't want to solve it because he doesn 't want his son to leave him.

He was more or less settled on doing nothing for the time being, but one day a few weeks later, he overeats, and as he passes by the infirmary a week before the prince is due to return, he says to his attendant that he wants to quickly drop in and see if they can give him something to settle his stomach.

When he enters, he is greeted by a woman he knows that he knows, and yet he has a hard time forcing his mind to accept that it is her.

Maomao is wearing her medical officer uniform, which includes blue divided robes on the bottom with a white robe tucked in. Her hair is pinned up in two little buns on each side of the top of her head, and her bangs are no longer visible.

She is wearing a little makeup, maybe something dark around her eyes, and her lips are pinker than normal.

Most importantly, she not only appears to have gained a little weight, but she has visibly larger breasts. One of Maomao 's most distinct traits is her strangely flat chest, and it has size and shape now. They 're not huge, but they exist.

Maomao is growing her breasts by consuming obscene amounts of fertility and femininity enhancing herbs because she wants to become pregnant and she 's not allowing herself to think about the political implications of that. The primal, dark version of Maomao is apolitical and only cares about being impregnated by the Grand Imperial Amphibian.

He sees her growing breasts, and being a person of reasonable intellect who underestimates Maomao 's force of will and deep peculiarity, considers the

only

reason a woman this age suddenly grows breasts.

The emperor makes a mistake.

He assumes she is already pregnant, and his initial reaction is actually simply joy.

It is the kind of mirth a person may only revel in when unknowingly starring in a comedy of errors.

What wonder he feels at the idea of becoming grandparent to a child that does not exist.

And what unimaginable confusion Maomao experiences, because the emperor walked into the infirmary looking like he was about to puke, and now he 's just standing there staring at her with a weird look on his face instead of answering her question.

'Your imperial majesty. Are you feeling unwell? Can I help you in some way? ' she asks, for a third time.

He emerges from his own imagination and says, 'You look different, Miss Maomao. '

'I am going through a transition, ' she says, simply.

'What sort of transition? '

'I can 't talk about it at this time. '

The emperor nods in understanding. At the moment the error unspooling the threads of his mind causes him to think this woman is in the middle of an unplanned pregnancy crisis. She 's not bound to Zuigetsu formally, so this was a mistake, and it 's one that needs to be quietly covered with grace and care.

Maomao meanwhile asks again, 'Are you unwell? I can prepare medicine. Or 'is there something else I can do to help you? '

'This time, I will help you. Leave everything to me. I 'll work everything out, ' he says.

Maomao has absolutely no idea what this man is talking about. The emperor isn 't someone to be questioned, so she simply doesn 't do that. In some ways, she doesn 't even want to know.

The emperor says, 'I 'm going to order you to be placed on paid leave for now. '

'Did I do something wrong? ' she asks.

The emperor thinks she thinks he is mad at her for her condition, which doesn 't exist. 'Caring for someone is not a sin. '

Okay, but who said anything about that?

'Well, isn 't it suspicious if I suddenly stop working for no reason? '

The emperor says, 'You 're right. Half days then, in the afternoon, so you can get plenty of rest. '

Maomao stares into the emperor 's eyes and realizes that there is some sort of malformed idea in his head and he is running with it to unknown places. She recognizes the signs because she knows another man who also comes to bad conclusions at times and then carries them until they cause some sort of trouble. These men are related, so she can only assume it can only be a learned behavior or is a hereditary issue.

Was Jinshi born with a strange streak of idiocy woven into the fabric of his soul, or did the emperor impart it to him at some point during his youth. How would one even teach this very specific and highly undesirable ability?

It 's all just very perplexing to Maomao because she has no idea why the emperor walked into the infirmary or why he walked out, or what strange thing happened to him in the middle.

When she gets home to her quarters, a man who serves in the emperor 's personal palace brings her a plate of crispy pork belly, prawns, exotic fruit, mushrooms 'it 's just an absolute feast with the best ingredients. The emperor decided to have his kitchen prepare an extra meal for her since pregnancy required excellent nutrition, and sent the servant to deliver it to her.

Maomao thinks that maybe the emperor needs her to taste it for some reason? Maybe his regular taster is out for the evening, although it is strange the food was brought to her.

Nonetheless, she tastes each dish and announces to the servant, 'No poison. '

'Of course there 's no poison! This meal is a gift from the emperor, ' the servant exclaims before exiting and slamming the door shut at the idea that the emperor would poison his secretly pregnant future sister-in-law.

Maomao remains confused, but the food is spectacular and excellent for nutrition, so she eats alone in her room, delighted by having such a fine meal.

The emperor meanwhile begins making plans and pondering how to cover an unplanned pregnancy that does not exist.

The emperor decides he will tell the Grand Commandant that Maomao has become pregnant and that as heads of the respective clans involved and leaders who wish the best for both, they should seek a favorable outcome.

While the emperor tells Lakan that his 'younger brother ' got his beloved daughter pregnant in secret, and Maomao entertains wild fantasies as she touches herself about him doing exactly that, Jinshi sleeps peacefully.

Unaware, unknowing, unsuspecting. Innocent of all charges, just minding his own business and doing the work he was asked to. He found a strange and rare ingredient to offer his love as a taken of his affections and fell asleep looking forward to returning home where he expects everything to be exactly as he left it.