And so the unsuspecting prince makes his way to the emperor 's office, having lived an entire week with his brother-father-emperor believing he defiled and impregnated the daughter of the least pleasant clan leader in all of the land.

The only thing he really cares about is that he got to see his Maomao and she makes his world so sunny and perfect. Perhaps there was a little mixup and he brandished a substance known to Luomen in the Pleasure District as Sex Venom in his presence and also in front of all of her coworkers, but that was in the past!

Jinshi is daydreaming about how charming Maomao is, walking with his eyes closed and a happy little smile on his face.

Gaoshun thinks this is like a man whistling and skipping along to a location where he will be bludgeoned in the brain with a brick repeatedly for an offense he does not appear to be aware of.

Prince Yue stops. 'Didn 't Maomao look extra cute today? '

Gaoshun says. 'It is as you say. '

'I don 't care about anything the emperor has to say. I just want to linger in Maomao 's personal space until she gets mad and leaves to go somewhere else. And then I 'll go there, ' he answers.

Basen answers, 'That 's exactly what being married is like. '

Gaoshun makes a note to burn some incense and pray for Lishu, a newborn baby

and

Basen? May the gods grant her peace and patience.

He really wants to go see her be a little mama since the baby was born while they were gone, but instead, he 's here, on his way to watch the prince get the brick. As they walk, the prince hums a little out of his joy that he got to see his kitty cat and she was adorable. People they pass, having heard various rumors, whisper quietly, as if they are also sure the prince is about to get to have trials and tribulations thanks to Lihaku.

At their arrival, no one else has arrived for the meeting yet, and so the prince enters with the attendants.

The emperor 's office has a front room where his personal secretary works, a room with a desk where papers are piled comically high, and an adjacent sitting room for small meetings.

Visibly nervous, the emperor 's secretary is putting out tea and refreshments in the sitting room, some little fancy cookies shaped like flowers at a table situated between two sofas. Once that is done, he flees back into his reception room and shuts the door like he is running from a fire.

Gaoshun and Basen post up at the door while the prince sits on one of the couches and eats a cookie.

Jinshi is just so happy. He did good work on his trip, made it home safely, and got to reunite with his mischievous little kitty cat. He has a cookie. How could life be better?

Lakan arrives second, and Gaoshun considers just keeping him in the reception area until the emperor arrives because he actually is kind of unruly, but he is wearing some sort of strange medical apparatus that appears to be for his bad back and it doesn 't look like he can move well enough to cause a real problem.

'Grand Commandant, welcome. The emperor has not arrived yet. Did you injure your back again? '

Basen looks away like he doesn 't know anything about this, and Lakan says, 'I have a small hairline fracture to my back due to being attacked by that violent brute you call a son. '

This doesn 't sound like something Basen would do, and Gaoshun prickles at the accusation toward his family.

Basen quickly says, 'Maomao told me to do it. '

Gaoshun presses his lips together so tightly as he shows Lakan to the sitting area and then grabs Basen by the ear and drags him out into the hallway, where he slaps Basen upside the head so hard that for the briefest moment, Basen 's Squareness became perfectly round.

Basen experiences one half-second of omniscience but then forgets all the knowledge in the universe right away and is left possibly even more square, with ringing ears.

Lakan, meanwhile, sits on the couch across from where the prince is sitting, on the opposite side of the table.

There are two very distinct energies in the room, because one of them is a happy boy with a flower cookie and the other one wants to commit murder and bathe in the blood of his enemy.

Jinshi thinks to himself that Lakan really knows how to kill a good mood, and they sit in silence. He doesn 't want to start the meeting without the emperor, but he does kind of want to know why this man has been aggressively lobbying for his castration.

The prince says, 'So uhhh 'how have you been, Grand Commandant Khan? '

Lakan just glares at him.

Since Lakan doesn 't recognize faces, the prince always wonders how it is that he maintains eye contact. It seems like he isn 't looking at Jinshi but rather, fixing his stare directly on Jinshi 's eyeballs as a means of intimidation. It 's very weird and gross, and it makes eye contact with Lakan a very unsettling experience. Even if a person doesn 't know about his handicap, there 's something about it that just feels incredibly weird and unnatural.

Since he didn 't answer, the prince says, 'I 've been doing quite well. Love having all my body parts attached, in case you needed that information for some reason. '

'I don 't care what you like. '

'Okay, well. Do you know what this meeting is about? '

Lakan doesn 't want to get into the details at this time because starting the discussion without the emperor would be inappropriate, but he also wants to say something. Words float around in his mind, and as he glares directly at the prince 's eyeballs, so the prince knows how serious he is, he tries to choose the best one.

Finally, he says one single word. But, loudly.

'FORNICATION! '

Still holding a half-eaten cookie in hand, the prince stares blankly, confused, because he was just sure this was some sort of administrative meeting. His best guess was that the prince wanted to talk about military fortifications in the north because Lakan is the commander of the army and no one invites him to meetings for his pleasant presence and conversation skills.

Fornication

? The act of sexual relations between a man and a woman who is not his concubine or wife? Why would they be having a meeting about that?!

Lakan repeats the word, as if he expects something from the prince.

'FORNICATION! '

The prince wonders what it even means that they would be meeting about 'fornication, ' and what it is that Lakan expects from him. As someone who has never fornicated, he feels like he has nothing to add to a conversation about fornication, and conversely, wonders if Lakan is there as a subject-matter expert on the topic of fornication.

But why would anyone need an expert on that, and certainly, if fornication is a concern of the nation for some reason, there were more charismatic experts than Lakan to invite?

It never occurs to him that he is being accused of a crime, and he sits, puzzled, trying to figure out what on earth is going on.

Lakan studies the prince, and sees that even when he, Maomao 's loving father, speaks to the prince 's sin directly to his face, the prince never flinches. There 's no apology in his face. No regret. No shame. He seems puzzled, and Lakan interprets that to mean that this imperial prince cannot even understand why his deplorable behavior is being questioned.

After all, he 's a prince, and what is Maomao, but a sweet, innocent perfect little petunia?

Lakan glares at this arrogant, lustful, unrepentant, entitled prince, who shows no response to having his sin revealed besides confusion that anyone might dare question his actions, no matter who those actions hurt.

The prince searches Lakan 's countenance for some explanation about why he seems to get angrier and angrier by the second and takes a bite out of his flower cookie.

Lakan has never been so incredibly insulted in all of his life, that this prince would dare look him in the eyes at a time like this. The room is silent other than the strangely loud crunch from the prince chewing, which seems to be amplified by the tension in the room.

Gaoshun stands by the door, well aware that the Grand Commandant was accusing the prince in a matter involving Maomao. She does look a certain sort of way, so he wonders if it might really be true. Maybe those two really did get a little too passionate.

Maomao 's glee over the black honey really seemed to indicate an affirmative sexual interest in the prince.

Had it already happened?

No, Gaoshun doesn 't think it has, because if it did, the prince would be aware that it did, and he 'd have some response to being accused rather than just sitting there loudly eating his cookie.

Basen leans over and whispers, 'I wonder what his deal is. '

The emperor enters the room and finds Lakan looking like he might drop dead from a heart attack out of pure rage, while the prince looks on quite confused.

While the emperor is quite thrilled about this pregnancy that he has made up in his own mind, he knows he has to be stern because of Lakan. In most cases, a situation with these perceived qualities would be a disgrace 'a prince using a young woman without regard for her honor.

In this case, they were in love, so there had been no real offense in the emperor 's eyes.

Lakan saw the matter differently.

The emperor thinks he is right, Lakan thinks he is right, and they have both always been wrong because none of this ever happened.

It is clear that Lakan has already spoken, and he has already made his accusation. He 's so angry he is nearly shaking.

And what kind of a man is his son?

Zuigetsu is so regal, so composed, so unapologetic, so unbothered by this man. Of course, he is the prince; he carries himself at times with a certain power and grace. Now is one of those times, as far as the emperor is concerned, as his son sits perfectly composed, unashamed to look Lakan in the eyes and unwilling to grovel and apologize for his passions. It 's such an incredible display of fortitude and confidence.

Were Zuigetsu willing, he would have made such a fine emperor.

The emperor puts on his sternest face, even though he can 't wait for his son and his little kitty to have their baby. He will pretend to be an uncle, but at heart, he will be grandpapa.

He carries with him a small, lacquered document box, usually used for protecting treaties, contracts, and other important documents, which he places on the table as he sits down beside Lakan.

Jinshi takes notice that he sat on the other side, and suddenly, he feels like a child about to be scolded by the two old men staring him down.

'Zuigetsu. '

'Good afternoon, Emperor, ' he says, standing to bow.

Lakan does not bow, but he is also not able to bend his body in the middle thanks to Basen 's amateur physical therapy.

The emperor says, 'Have you spoken to Maomao? '

'Yes, I visited her briefly. '

'Did she tell you about her condition? '

'Condition? Did something happen to her? She seemed to be fine to me, very healthy and also in good spirits, ' he answers.

The emperor knows this means his son does not know. He reflects briefly on what a priceless treasure it is to be able to tell his son that he will become a father. Will he be happy? Shocked? Perhaps in denial? He wants to memorize the exact face he makes and how he responds so he can tell his grandchild about it in some years.

Taking a deep breath, Emperor Yang says, 'Maomao is pregnant. '

At long last, after an entire week of chaos, mistakes, and misconceptions, brick finally meets brain and the prince sits stunned.

In his mind, he remembers noticing that Maomao 's body was looking a little different. Her chest was distinctly more curved, and she had definitely put on some softness. She looked so squeezable.

Even though he actively knows he has never had sex with that woman, or any woman, he still makes an inquiry of his mind to ask, 'did we do this? ' as if he thinks there might be some chance that he might have impregnated Maomao and then somehow forgotten about it.

The emperor says with quite a bit of warmth in his voice, 'You seem surprised. '

'Yes. '

Suddenly, he is Lakan, only able to utter one single word.

Because it is the emperor who is telling him, and the emperor employs many doctors and medical staff, and because he saw Maomao 's little boobies with his own eyes, he does not question how this was confirmed. He simply accepts this truth as it is presented to him, leaving him to try and understand it.

Was Maomao 's cuteness due to the presence of a strange child?

How could that have happened?

He doesn 't give any thought to the possibility there 's another man she loves because Maomao really seems like she is barely attracted to men at all and refuses to share chemistry with them. It took him, a very handsome, rich prince, literally an entire year to convince her that he was even slightly likable.

No 'her willingly loving another man is not possible.

That really just leaves one possibility.

Someone hurt Maomao.

He has always had a fear that something like that will happen, because Maomao tends to not be mindful of her own safety. She 's always wandering off to strange places in search of plants. She 's not careful at all, and gets so excited about whatever she 's doing that she doesn 't pay attention to her surroundings.

She always tries to make herself less noticeable to men, but he wonders if she

really

understands that men don 't rape women because they are beautiful. It 's about power, and she 's just a cute little thing that looks like she wouldn 't be able to fight back much.

Jinshi could say that he has never been with her, and perhaps the madness would stop for a moment, and questions would be asked that should have been asked long before this point.

'Wh-What did she say? ' he asks.

'She said she had been with you. Maybe in more detail than we wished to hear, ' the emperor answers.

His poor, sweet Maomao.

First, she was attacked, Jinshi deicdes, and now she was facing a crisis growing inside of her. When she needed him to protect her, he wasn 't there. And he hasn 't been there these weeks when she 's probably been quite frightened.

Even when he thinks back to his visit to the infirmary only a few minutes ago, he feels like he failed her. Unaware of her trauma, wielding a perverted gift, insensitive to her stress and pain and fear, forcing her to pretend like everything was okay.

How embarrassing and shameful it must have been, he decides. If the emperor and Lakan know about the pregnancy, they must have found out and confronted her, and unable to bear her shame, she said she had been with him.

Jinshi would never reveal her lie in front of these men. If she said it was him, because she doesn 't want anyone to know, then he 'll go along.

'Whatever she said we did, we did! ' he quickly says.

Lakan thinks about Maomao patting her little belly and bragging about this man 'filling her up ' and grabs the tea tray, hurling it at the prince, who dodges. The metal tray hits the wall behind him with a

clang

, and the teapot and tea settings shatter on the floor.

'How dare you defile my precious petunia?! ' he roars as he falls from the sofa onto the floor and then cannot get up again.

The prince decides he probably needs to sell this, and answers, 'It is because we are passionate for one another! '

Jinshi can cover Maomao here, take responsibility for the situation, and allow her to protect herself. If she doesn 't want anyone to know, he will make sure things stay that way. If she wants to have a strange child, he 'll lie and say it 's his.

Lying about a child being royal-blooded is a death-penalty offense, but can he risk death for Maomao. He would die if anything bad happened to her anyway, and in his minimal understanding, she has already lied to the emperor about this matter.

Lakan struggles to wiggle off the floor at the emperor 's feet, and Gaoshun goes over to set him upright on the couch again, mostly because watching him slither around on the floor is disturbing. He looked like a giant angry worm, shouting about his little petunia.

What ensues is about fifteen minutes of yelling, mostly between Lakan and the prince while the emperor watches through his beady red eyes. Jinshi fervently defends sharing carnal passions with Lakan 's daughter.

It 's very unpleasant.

Gaoshun shakes his head and quietly excuses himself, because the whole conversation feels wrong to him. He 's not sure what is wrong, but something is grievously amiss.

When he returns to the infirmary, Maomao is not there, because the emperor evidently ordered the infirmary manager not to let her work more than four hours per day. He goes to her quarters, and she 's not there either. She 's not at the garden patch, and returning to the infirmary, none of the other medical officers knew where she went either.

The problem with cats is that they don 't come when called, they hide in strange places, and they tend to not be predictable in any sort of way. The palace is a big place, and Maomao freely moves about through the Inner and Outer Courts.

As he stands outside the infirmary, he taps his foot on the ground, and Luomen comes out.

'Is finding Maomao an urgent matter? '

'Extremely urgent. Consider it a matter of national security. '

Luomen answers, 'I do not now this for sure, but just between us as people who care deeply for Maomao, if I needed to find her right now, the first place I would look is the prince 's residence. '

That would be unusual, and Gaoshun wonders why she would go there when he is not home, but Luomen is her dad, and Gaoshun has no other ideas, so he decides he 'll go look there.

Suiren confirms that Maomao is, in fact, at the residence with a bit of a mischievous giggle and says she 's gone back to his personal chamber.

Gaoshun wonders if this means that they 've really been having sex.

Then he realizes that 's absurd. He just saw them together and they are definitely still just frisky virgins. He has no idea what is going on in the emperor 's office and thinks no one else does either, but there is certainly one person who knows the answer to every burning question.

Gaoshun opens the door to the prince 's bedroom and finds Maomao sitting on the bed on her knees in beaded lingerie, her makeup quite thick, smoky around the eyes with shiny red lips.

Just waiting.

'Oh. Good afternoon again, Gaoshun. '

'Good afternoon to you as well, Xiaomao. '

Maomao slides off his bed and puts on a robe. 'Are you looking for the prince? '

'I was actually looking for you. '

'And you came here? That feels like an accusation, ' she says.

The attendant answers, 'Well, you are here. I assume this is not official business of some sort. '

'It 's very official to me. Are

you

here on official business? '

Gaoshun nods. 'I would like to ask you a few deeply personal and sensitive questions. I would like plain, full answers. '

'Do you think I would lie to you? '

'I know what you do, Xiaomao. '

Maomao ties the robe and sighs. 'Fine, fine. What do you want to know? '

Gaoshun asks, 'Are you pregnant? '

'I am not. '

'Are you

certain

about that? Absolutely no chance at all that it might be happening for you right now. '

'There is a zero percent chance. '

Gaoshun says, 'Are you and the prince having sexual intercourse? '

'We are not. '

'Are you sure? '

'I would remember having a whole giant frog inside of my ' '

Gaoshun puts two fingers over her lips. 'No, Maomao. Be a good girl. '

'You 're the one who asked. '

Although he suspects he already knows the answer, he asks, 'Has anyone asked you any of these questions, or similar questions regarding your intimate life or any potential pregnancy lately? '

'No, no one has said anything to me. '

'Have you had any confusing conversations with the Grand Commandant or the emperor? Or witnessed any odd behavior? '

Maomao thinks for a moment says, 'Well, now that you mention it, all kinds of strange stuff has been happening, but I didn 't want to get involved in whatever was going on. '

'Did you at any time tell anyone that you are or might be pregnant? '

'I did not. '

'Did you at any time, explain in disturbingly graphic detail, describe yourself performing sexual acts with and on the prince? Directly, to the emperor and Grand Commandant? '

Maomao says, 'Absolutely not. That is a very odd and quite gross question. '

Well, that settles that. There is no pregnancy, hasn 't even been sex, and whatever the emperor and Lakan thought she said to them about having sex with the prince, she was clearly having a completely different conversation with them.

Yes.

Maomao Lihakued the emperor; how strange and fearless she is.

That leaves so many questions, like where the pregnancy rumor came from. The emperor and Lakan wouldn 't just believe common court gossip, and even if there was a credible rumor, a pregnancy in a medical officer who was raised by a doctor and knows everything there is to know seems like it would be easy to confirm.

And having decided this pregnancy had happened, what then? Gaoshun wonders what the purpose of the meeting was. To tell Prince Yue to get rid of the baby or maybe to force a quick marriage?

And why on earth didn 't the prince just say he hadn 't had sex with her instead of testifying that all of their horrible misconceptions are correct?

What a mess!

After the longest, deepest sigh of his life, he feels the quiet pang of his soul as it longs for retirement.

'Xiaomao, there has been a Great Misunderstanding. Please get dressed and accompany me to the emperor 's office. I need you to speak to everyone involved and clarify some simple facts. '

Pregnancy, sex, the old fart? Maomao doesn 't think she wishes to go to where the Great Misunderstanding is happening. And certainly, she doesn 't want to clarify anything.

'I think I 'll just stay here. '

'Put your regular clothes on. '

'Is that an order from the emperor or the prince or 'can I just 'not go anywhere near whatever is happening right now? ' she asks.

'Xiaomao, please get dressed. '

Gaoshun 's seems to turn up the Father Power in his voice, like a parent warning a disobedient child, but Maomao loves to piss her father off. That sort of thing doesn 't work on her, and she thinks it 's silly that he tried.

All she is wearing is beaded lingerie and a thin robe that barely covers her knees. In sunlight, it might even be transparent. Her state of undress protects her from being forced to attend the Great Misunderstanding, and so she decides to stay like that.

Maomao answers, 'It sounds like you know all the important facts. And let 's face it, if you didn 't stop them, those people would walk straight off the edge into a volcano. '

Gaoshun says, 'Yes, well, that volcano is home to a mischievous cat spirit who appears before wanderers and instead of warning them not to keep traveling on the dangerous path, informs the travelers that it 's warm up top and the view is very nice. '

'That really seems fair to me. I do not see the problem with that at all. '

'Xiaomao. Clothes. '

'I think I 'm going to stay here. I 'm sure that you can take care of the rest. '

The attendant slides his blue outer robe off and the next thing Maomao knows, she 's been trapped in Gaoshun 's huge robe, and he is carrying under his arm.

Maomao obviously wishes to avoid the Great Misunderstanding at all costs, and Gaoshun is seemingly not going to allow her to do that. She finds this unfair, an act of kidnapping, and she is certain that at the end of this journey across the Outer Court that she will feel quite awkward and uncomfortable.

'This really doesn 't seem like it 's my problem. I never asked to be involved in any of this. '

Gaoshun answers, 'At some point, you must accept that you are part of the problem. '

'It 's not my fault if someone else gets a wrong idea. '

Gaoshun 's robe has a rather Dadish aura about it, warm from being on his body before he put it on her, quite big and soft, and it smells Dad-like. Under different circumstances, it would be perfect to use as a blanket for a nap on a rainy day. She finds it quite comforting despite the fact that she did not consent to being dressed this way and everyone is watching him drag her across the outer court like a carpet with her little bare feet sticking out the back.

Maomao doesn 't know about the Great Misunderstanding, and she doesn 't want to. She 's just trying to get pregnant, and she 's reasonably confident that whatever madness is going on, it 's not going to help her in any sort of way. Also the idea that the old fart and the emperor are arguing about her having sex is one of the most disturbing thoughts she 's ever had.

She doesn 't want to go to the Great Misunderstanding.

She is not the one who has misunderstood.

Experimentally, she tries to see if she can wiggle free, but finds Gaoshun 's grasp quite inescapable. Despite his age, he handles her weight as if she is nothing, leading Maomao to quite a discovery.

She gasps. 'I always thought Basen 's monstrous strength was some sort of accident of nature. It 's

inherited

. '

Gaoshun answers, 'I have never wondered where you got your unusual intellect. '

'That is the meanest thing you have ever said to me, ' she complains.

The faithful attendant carries her all the way up to the office, where he opens the door with one hand and brings Maomao inside, through the reception area and past the emperor 's big desk to the sitting room, where they yelling is ongoing.

They 've accomplished nothing.

Gaoshun says, 'Emperor, please pardon my interruption. I believe that Xiaomao has some important facts she would like to share. '

The emperor says, 'Gaoshun, why are you carrying her like that in her delicate state? On her belly? You could hurt the baby. '

Lakan adds, 'You dare to handle her so roughly?! '

The prince says, 'She is fragile, Gaoshun. You could hold her more gently. '

They all agree on something: Gaoshun is the villain for carrying her like a rug. After all, what if he squished the baby that she definitely isn 't actually carrying? They all pile on to complain.

Maomao is released from his grasp gently, so her bare feet touch the floor. As she stands in the attendant 's robe, she thinks maybe refusing to put her normal clothes back on was a poor choice, because now she just feels awkward.

The room is silent.

They wait for Maomao to speak.

She looks around and decides she doesn 't want to be in this room. The tension in the air is palpable, and there 's a mess next to the wall where it looks like someone threw a whole tea setting at the wall behind Jinshi 's head. The fact that no one has come in to clean it up speaks to the fact the energy in the room is so tense that even the secretary knows not to enter.

Jinshi face is so incredibly concerned as he asks, 'Maomao, are you all right? Did something happen? Why are you dressed like that? '

'It 's not important. '

She showed up to the Great Misunderstanding wearing Gaoshun 's robe, and offers no explanation for this. Gaoshun himself decides to just let this mystery go because explaining they have never had sex is a more difficult task if they know she was found in lingerie waiting in his chamber so she could ambush on him.

Jinshi wants her to know that he understood that she told the emperor that he fathered her child, and that he 'd gone right along with it. Also, he wants to communicate to her that he supports her fully no matter what, and so he says, 'I admitted that we have expressed our passion toward one another. I 'll take care of everything. I 'll take care of the baby. You don 't have to worry about anything. '

The brick comes for Maomao, and she 's just so incredibly confused because while the emperor and Lakan clearly got tangled up in some stupidity, but

Jinshi? Jinshi?!

Presumably, the Great Misunderstanding should have stopped the instant it reached him, because surely, he knows they have not had sex. His eyes are so sincere and caring, so filled with love, to the point that for a moment, Maomao wonders if perhaps she is the one that has gone mad. Perhaps they consummated their relationship before his trip, and she did some sort of poison experiment and forgot?

The sheer enormity and power of the Idiot Plot causes her to question her own sanity and her own memory of events.

There are three men here who know her well, and they all think she had sex with the prince, and the prince is one of those men.

Maomao has always had this weird little fear that lingered in the back of her mind. Her mother died from syphilis, which she had for many years. Despite this, she has never been able to get a straight answer from the old madam about whether her mother was prostituting before she was born, so she generally thinks she was. So the apothecary has always had this weird little fear that she might have contracted the disease at birth.

Syphilis can live unknown inside of the body for a very long time, quietly eating away at the brain. When it becomes advanced, people change. Sometimes they become promiscuous. Forgetful. Obsessive. A person whose mental capacity is diminishing is typically not aware, so people living through this process don 't know that it is happening to them.

So she starts to wonder if they had sex and she doesn 't remember it now, and her brain 's subconscious obsession with pregnancy comes from the fact that she is actually already pregnant. What if she started taking the fertility concoction due to this mental defect and her breasts were actually growing from a pregnancy she cannot remember?

Jinshi 's eyes are just so loving and so sweet, and he is standing holding her hand in his.

'We were together, ' she mumbles in confusion.

The prince says, 'Yes, many times! Just like you told them. '

She doesn 't remember having sex, but the prince does, and between them, she unfortunately has a much higher chance of having holes in her brain from syphilis.

'We 're going to have a baby? ' she asks.

If Maomao is confused, then Gaoshun, who brought her here to clear up this misunderstanding after she very confidently explained she was an unfertilized virgin, is simply unable to comprehend this scene. It 's like being told by other people that she had sex and was pregnant had convinced her that it was perhaps actually true.

The older men getting it wrong was one thing, but Maomao and Jinshi? Clearly they should know whether or not they 've had sex. Why would Jinshi confess if it didn 't happen, and why would that confession change Maomao 's opinion, as she also knows it did not happen?

Maomao wonders what this meeting is?

What if it 's her biological father, and Jinshi, and the emperor talking about what to do about her pregnancy and her dementia?

Is she doomed to become her mother? Give birth to a child and then die from syphilis-induced dementia?

Now, everyone believes in the imaginary baby, even

both

of the parents who would have been present to conceive it.

They 're to Gaoshun like a group of people who lit a fireplace indoors and didn 't open any windows and are slowly being gassed to death by the smoke.

Maomao remains deep in thought, and somewhat panicked, something that is rare for her.

She scratches her chin and snaps out of it because she has a near imperforate hymen, which she has observed while masturbating with the mirror because she 's horny and wildly curious. While she does not have a lot of information about the Grand Imperial Amphibian, she knows it has never been inside of her.

The lack of information that Maomao 's brain has concerning the Imperial Amphibian also suggests that she has never actually seen it, rather than the possibility that she saw it and simply forgot what it looked like.

No, these men are all lying to her, trying to convince her that she slept with the prince and that she 's going to have a baby as a result of that. Her initial opinion was correct: she is still a virgin and not pregnant.

What is going on in this room? A strange game? Are they all really that stupid?

Maomao 's face melts into one of unimaginable disdain, and glares at Jinshi like he is an annoying insect she 'd like to step on. He hasn 't seen that look in so long that it shocks him, but then he remembers that he

loves

having her look at him like he 's an absolute pile of rotting garbage waiting to be lit at a burn pit.

Her eyes shift to the emperor, who has never seen Scary Maomao with his own eyes. Flinching visibly, he can tell she is mad at everyone in this room and everything they have ever done in their life leading up to this moment.

And finally to Lakan, who is used to her looking at him like that, so he just says, 'Are you okay, my precious petunia? Surely in your condition, you shouldn 't get so worked up. '

Maomao looks back across the room, and lowering her voice, asks, 'Master Jinshi ' '

'Y-Yes, Maomao? '

'For what reason did you tell these people that we had sex? '

'Because you told them? '

She points. 'I didn 't tell these men

anything

, and I have no idea why they thought I would. '

Lakan leans forward. 'The baby isn 't his? '

'There is no baby! What is wrong with you all?! '

'You lost it? ' the emperor asks.

Maomao answers in exasperation, 'There was never a baby! There was never even sex! You three are so wrong that I thought I was the one with a failing mind. It 's you. All three of you. I don 't know what this is, but I don 't like it. Something is wrong with you. Individually. Collectively. Any combination of you together in any form at any time. '

It 's so rare for her to raise her voice, and the emperor is not spared the criticism despite being the emperor.

The emperor asks, 'You 're certain? '

Maomao 's nerves are fried from nearly being convinced that she 's losing her own mind and reaches for whatever she can. She throws a flower cookie directly at the emperor, hitting him squarely in the forehead.

'Why were you certain that I was? ' she asked.

The emperor answers, 'Well, I went to the clinic and saw your bosom had developed. '

' 'and? '

'You gained weight. You were glowing. Also, Luomen came to me and said he thought you

desperately

wanted to have a baby. '

Luomen being one of the key instigators of the story is quite a plot twist, because

yes

, Maomao did desperately want to have a baby. She wonders how her dad deduced this, and if he did, why he didn 't discuss it with her? Talking to the emperor was obviously a very dumb thing to do as evidenced by what is happening right at that moment.

'Did you

ask

? '

The emperor leans back and says, 'I didn 't want to embarrass you. '

She points at Lakan. 'That thing made me. Do you think I can be embarrassed?! '

Normally, someone leaning over the emperor and talking crazy to him, calling him stupid and throwing things at him would be stopped immediately by his faithful attendants, but Basen is frightened by the power commanded by Scary Maomao, and Gaoshun thinks whatever she does is well-deserved. The emperor is not someone who believes himself to be beyond reproach, and this is a family matter if anything is.

Maomao turns to Lakan, who says, 'My precious petunia is still pure? All of this has been a misunderstanding? Still safe from that disgusting, bumpy monstrosity 'what a relief. '

Maomao throws a cookie at him and it 's not enough so she throws the whole plate knowing he can 't exactly dodge it.

Then she stops.

Did she just obtain information about the Imperial Amphibian from the old fart? Like, of all the people living on the earth, did she want to hear he was big and bumpy from this one?

'Have you 'seen him naked? ' she asks, so visibly disgusted she can taste stomach acid.

'Often? ' Lakan answers.

'What do you mean often?! Why are you getting naked in front of him? ' she asks Jinshi.

The prince still really has no idea what is going on. He has been confused from the beginning when Lakan was shouting 'Fornication ' at him and he remains befuddled. But what he does know is that Maomao is perturbed that Lakan has seen his penis and she has not.

In an effort to make Lakan seem less special because it would be very weird if he had just shown his penis to Lakan for no reason, he says, 'I offered to show it to you that one time and you seemed horrified. Anyway, I think you 're the only one here who hasn 't seen it, actually? If that helps. '

'Why would that help?! Do you just walk around showing everyone the amphibian?! '

Jinshi says, 'The emperor is my brother. The rest of us are in the military and run into each other at the baths at the barracks after training. The Grand Commandant does is back exercises there. I see him there sometimes. He sits in the water and stares at me like he wants me to die. Sometimes I say good morning. '

The idea of the Grand Imperial Amphibian stewing in the same water as Lakan is deeply gross to her.

She adds, 'And anyway, if I 'm the only one who hasn 't seen it, why am I the one being accused of a pregnancy? You just want to show it to everyone but me, and then the emperor decides that I 'm the one who is pregnant. '

Lakan says, 'What about 'when you said you were filled up. You talked about putting it in your mouth. Your belly was bigger. I saw it with my own eyes. '

Maomao has nearly forgotten this conversation, but when she remembers, she exclaims, 'I was talking about

lobsters

. For some reason, the emperor started sending me food. He sent me five lobsters for breakfast, and I ate five lobsters for breakfast because who wouldn 't want to eat five lobsters for breakfast? And I 'd had a fancy dinner too. So I was filled up twice, and even though I got full, I kept eating. By putting lobsters in my mouth. '

'That wasn 't about 'putting

that thing

in your mouth? '

'Why would I talk to you about that?! '

The emperor says, 'We did find it very unsettling. '

Maomao turns and grabs the prince by the head, and begins shaking. 'And

you

.

YOU

. You know we didn 't do it. Why did you tell them that we did? '

The prince answers, 'I thought I was helping? '

'Did you get kicked in the head by a horse? '

He timidly explains, 'Well obviously I knew I didn 't get you pregnant. But I was told that you were and that you said it was me. So I thought someone had hurt you and you just blamed me because you were suffering. I would never expose your pain to anyone, so I just said whatever you said was right and went along with it to protect you. '

She answers, 'You 'd lose your head for lying about someone being of imperial birth. Literally suicide if you got caught. '

'It 's fine. Without you, I 'd just lay down and die anyway, and then rot straight through the floorboards. '

Scary Maomao 's rage subsides.

Maybe this one is a slightly more tolerable moron; he was told she was pregnant and that she said he did it, and he went along without it. Without argument. Without question.

It occurs to her that having a baby with this man would be like combining all these insufferable together and using the resulting mixture to make a new person. This would surely either make someone immune to this sort of behavior, or it would create a new, more powerful type of idiot.

Flopping down on the sofa, she says, 'Have we cleared everything up? '

No sex, no pregnancy, just Maomao returning from Scary Maomao state, and the prince very quickly and unapologetically deciding he 'd betray the imperial house and lose his head just to keep her safe. No question about it. He didn 't even confirm any facts, although he perhaps got that from the emperor.

Emperor Yang says, 'No explanation has been provided for your bosom. '

'I made a medicine. '

'Could you perhaps 'make more? '

There is a glimmer of Scary Maomao that silences him, and she wonders if Gaoshun has ever considered that maybe these people deserve the volcano.

A brief discussion takes place, and they all learn that the emperor saw her and thought she looked pregnant, and sent her too many lobsters to eat, which gave her a distended belly when he used to convince Lakan. And once both of them were convinced, they had this meeting, where they told Jinshi, who did not consider that they were simply stupid and went along with all their incorrect assumptions, thinking she had been raped and needed him to protect her. Then Maomao was brought in and he told her she was pregnant from them having sex and the old fart and the emperor affirmed this, causing her to briefly consider whether she had syphilitic dementia.

The emperor experiences a moment of self-awareness and thinks,

Oh no, this is an Idiot Plot.

His role as chief idiot and instigator is clear, and in retrospect, what he has done seems immediately thoughtless. What an easily avoidable and stressful catastrophe he caused entirely by himself.

Maomao asks, 'If there 's nothing else, I 'll be going. '

Gaoshun knows that since he carried her here without shoes, he will also have to return her, although he doubts she wants to go back to where he found her. She seems quite perturbed with everyone involved in this strange affair because the absurdity was so great she almost fell into it with all of them.

The emperor releases Basen to return to his family for the night, leaving him alone with Lakan and Prince Yue.

There 's an extended silence, as they reflect on what has happened.

And then the emperor asks, 'So 'Zuigetsu. How have you been lately? '